fascinating womanhood series part 2 - inspiring healthy masculinity

 Part 2 delves deeper into our Fascinating Womanhood series. It sheds light on the importance of understanding and appreciating healthy masculinity, and the essential role it plays in relationships and society. I discuss how women, through their inherent influence, can inspire positive masculinity in men, leading to better relationships and a more harmonious world. This episode is all about rediscovering our innate femininity and using it to inspire the men around us. We also explore the concept of 'masculine pride', discuss the pitfalls of toxic masculinity, and provide tips on how to communicate effectively with men. The episode wraps up by emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, admiration, and acceptance in a relationship. 

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Chapters

• 1:17 updates
• 18:10 melting his walls
• 19:10 vulnerability
• 20:56 sex
• 21:51 looks
• 22:58 admiring his masculinity
• 25:00 acceptance
• 26:20 influence
• 27:15 admiration
• 29:03 conclusion

Transcript

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Welcome to stellar cycles, a podcast dedicated to showing each woman her intrinsic power to guide her life, her cycle, her relationships and her dreams that cover feminine energy, reproductive health and all things related to being important and magical being that is woman. I'm your host Alina and today our topic is the continuation of the fascinating womanhood series. Welcome back to part two. Just as a reminder, this series aims to share the sacred knowledge of being what we like to call a magical woman, an art that was traditionally passed down from mother to daughter, but has largely been lost in today's modern world. So many women no longer know how to leverage their inherent influence, which can a lot of the times lead to conflict in relationships and families. So when we learn how to leverage our inherent influence, we can contribute to better world. So over these few weeks, the series serves three purposes to help you rediscover your innate femininity to guide you and inspiring the positive masculinity in the men around you. And finally, assist you in creating a lasting love affair to cherish for life through great relationships and family. Let's get into some updates first, so weirdly, I'm still in my luteal phase, this is either going to be luteal phase, day 32, or menstrual phase day one, I'm really hoping a new cycle starts soon. I'm a bit surprised because I haven't had any unpleasant PMS symptoms, you guys, my report card this month better be so good because either I have been doing everything correctly this cycle. Or this might be another one of those words long and drawn out. And I would really not want that because I don't want to head into like irregular cycle territory, I don't. So I did ovulate a little bit later this time, I would say like day 18, I think is when my ovulation predictor kit clocked it and also my aura rings. So both of those things lined up on around day 18 of my cycles. So it's not necessarily weird or off brand for it to be a little bit longer because it wasn't like on day 14 Right in the middle. So that's where we're at for the cycle of day. And let's see, it's Monday, the 18th. So we are officially a week now away from Christmas. And as a procrastinator myself, I am lighting a fire under my butt to get everything done for Christmas this week. And the main thing that I'm most thankful for is there isn't much expected of me this year, thank God. But still, I think a really big part of you know, being a put together women is getting things prepared, organized, ready for the holidays, making it look effortless. So that is something that I am striving towards myself. I also wanted to give you guys an update, I went to the dermatologist, I don't know if I had mentioned on previous updates that I had, you know, been trying to set this appointment up. And the one thing that I don't want to do is be a negative Nancy, but this experience was so horrendous that I just have to share it with you guys. There is a main point that I will come back to but I'm going to state it upfront. unless something's wrong. Don't try to fix it. And yes, I did go through a lot with my skin this year. So much. I've talked about it repeatedly, on almost every single episode since this podcast started. And at some point me and Sam are talking we're like yeah, I need to find like an actual dermatologist maybe you know, as good as estheticians are and maybe they can't take it all the way you know, maybe you need need a doctor to look at this stuff. So I had been kind of on the search for dermatologist. But the thing is, when you live in Southern California, there's so many practitioners it's overwhelming then the amount of choices that you have, and you don't have the time or the money to go through the trial and error of going to one dermatologist and then another and then another really trying to find that perfect pick. So you've really, really depend on reviews and people's recommendations. So why did I even seek this out? My skin has been getting better recently. I've been so happy with it. My esthetician has been happy with it but I was like still I wanted to accomplish this goal or whatever getting a good dermatologist and that is a good goal. You know, you do want a doctor who's able to help you with your skin throughout your life you know to make sure that they can check for skin cancer or look at any suspicious moles it's so much more than shrinking your pores or getting Botox it's not it at all. It's about the health of your skin your largest organ so that's what it was about for me and my dear darling friend recommended this dermatologist to me so not her fault at all. I don't even really associate the two but I was you know, I was so stoked to get this recommendation because I was like you know my friend she has gorgeous skin and you know what a great shortcut to have someone who was bedded. I should have known from the beginning But this was not for me because you can tell that something's not for you if the process sucks from the very start, right. So like the booking, they kept dropping the ball, they wouldn't get my date of birth correctly. One thing after the other kept happening, that it was not a smooth process at all and with other things and doctors and health care things and procedures that I've done before, that have gone really successfully and really well it has always been a smooth process for the most part. So I can tell that's the thing for sure. Setting up the appointment was not easy or good. I went in yesterday and once I got there, this very sweet assistant who took me back put me in the room sat me down on the chair, she took down all my information, which I thought was very strange that an assistant is going to take down the bulk of my information and my questions that I came to talk to a doctor about but also having been in the medical fields, I kind of had this understanding that this is just unfortunately how it works. Doctors just gonna take a glance at the notes and come in and give you a spiel. So the sweet assistant took down my notes everything and me being the organized person that I am sometimes when it comes to appointments, I just know to how detailed they're gonna get the questions they want, you know, timelines, they want chronological. They want just as much detail on your history as they can get from you because patient history is pretty much like the biggest component when it comes to diagnosis or them being able to help you so I usually come prepared to these appointments, right? So I had pictures, I clearly explained everything that I do for my skin, my facial appointments, what I went through this year, everything to the tee, and when the doctor came in to the room to talk to me, she was so rude. I don't even think she properly introduced herself or asked how I was doing. She flew in and she was like, Okay, what so I'm really just confused about your routine. Can you go over it? And I was like, Yeah, sure. And I pulled up pictures because I took pictures on my phone of my bottles of my product that I use and I would say I have an extremely simple routine right now. I don't even use face wash unless I was wearing makeup that day and I'm washing it off for the evening. Toner in the morning. Vitamin C. sunscreen. Okay, in the evening. facewash toner retinol stuff. That's it. Sometimes I'll moisturize. Super, super simple, but the way that she was with me this whole entire appointment was so condescending, so rude, she did not listen to my concerns or my hesitations just put me on the generic. Okay, what we're going to do is you have to trust me, I'm your doctor, we're going to do the trick. No, and we're going to put you on doxycycline, which is an antibiotic and also spironolactone, which is a diuretic makes you pee. And it's essentially used for hormonal reasons for acne. And I know that it works too. But I've also done enough research on my own that I was just not stoked about the side effects that I'd heard about. And when I was asking her about these things, she was just kind of putting me down and was like, No, you don't you have no idea. You need to trust me, I was on Spironolactone for five years, and I did just fine. And I have never You guys never ever in a medical setting felt so energetically bulldozed by the provider. To be honest, so I thought about it a little bit more yesterday. And long story short, I'm just simply not doing it. Oh, and on top of everything. She's a tick tock doctor too. So that you know, that was not a deciding factor at all. When I set the appointment. It was just something I saw by way of looking into her. I was like, okay, she does podcasts, she does videos online. Okay, that's cool. But even then I had a weird gut feeling about it, if that makes sense. So I didn't know she was just very, very rude. And who knows, maybe I'm just very sensitive and my luteal phase, but I just didn't feel at all like she connected with me as a patient and to anybody who's been through that sort of experience, whether it's been for dermatology, or just anything else, it's like health and vulnerable, my heart goes out to you because what a terrible terrible experience and yeah, I don't think that her approach is so special to just prescribe treading on antibiotics like everybody else in the world. But when even if that was her approach, and if even if that is what she truly believes in, it's like connect with the patient you know, like make them feel seen make them feel heard, don't just come in and preside over them with this knowledge that just because you're a doctor that you know better than this person who is trying to tell you that hey, no these products actually for after a year of trying to deal with things with my skin, these things helped me know you're going to stop using them that you're done with those. So yeah, that was my dermatology experience. And I think that I am just gonna stick with my esthetician because she's awesome and we've been getting great results. And for the most part, I'm just going to put it on the back burner and stop obsessing over it so much because I'm just becoming more and more familiar with what situations that are not a good fit for you. Don't feel like and I'm hoping that I can get quicker and quicker at recognizing and avoiding them. Finally, one more update, I'm really proud of myself for not going ham on buying a ton of new outfits for this holiday season. It's always so tempting because you see all these ads, you see all these girls on Instagram looking so cute, you know, in the holiday trends and stuff. And you do want to be a part of that vibe and everything. But for me, it's just something I kind of fall into every single year. So I've been focusing more on getting the most out of what I have hanging in my closet, making outfits out of those things, just really looking like okay, I bought this, I wanted this, let me see how many more wares I can get out of it. And then I can either sell it or donate it and move on to something new. So this week, actually, tomorrow, I'm going to be doing a clothing audit where I don't know if you guys can relate. But things go missing so easily. And I live in a two bedroom apartment and I'm constantly missing one thing out of a two piece set, or like in the constant cycle of laundry. Sometimes I can't match things up to each other. So tomorrow is for doing a clothing audit, I'm gonna go through my dresser, I'm gonna go through my closet. And I will be also documenting, okay, what do I see a lot of okay, maybe I have a lot of crop tops, and I don't even wear them that much. Maybe I have a lot of skirts that I don't wear, I have a lot of pants, I don't wear what's wrong with those things that I don't really wear them or reach for them as much and what is missing. So you know, whenever you're getting dressed, you always have a running list in your head, you're like, oh, man, I wish I had like a short black jacket for this outfit. And the more frequency that I think that towards one item, the more likely it is that that will be a good purchase. Because it's like, okay, this is something that I'm always missing when I'm putting together an outfit, then this is probably what I should put my money towards when I'm shopping. So really just working on being really good at careful wardrobe planning for next year's seasons just being on top of it being prepared. That's the updates. Thank you for bearing with me and my stories. And I hope you enjoy the episode for part two of the series. This one's going to be all about the guys and kind of what their needs are. We're stepping foot into their camp and just taking a look at things from the man's perspective, even though we've been taught that they're the enemy, right? Especially in my generation, I think we've been injected with a lot of animosity and fueled with hatred towards men, sometimes for no reason even so this episode will be really really good to kind of understand what kind of things do they struggle with? What kind of things do they need a little bit more affirmation on what do they need support on because we were really put on earth to be teammates to each other and to be each other's support? Hope you enjoy part two of the episode. Let's get into it. Why do we care what men think or what? Well, the truth of the matter is we go through life with them, and many of us are in relationships with or are desiring deep, fulfilling romantic relationships with them. So in order to win, you must understand how the other side works. And we're looking at this from a win win perspective, not manipulative, but supportive and caring. Remember, men and women are not meant to be in competition with each other. But they are meant to work together as a team and fill in each other's blanks going against everything we've been taught as women and against what feels natural to us, we must learn to speak their language. Why do men need good women? True masculinity is managed strength, it's when a guy has the ability to be extremely powerful, but he is able to control it. And without a woman as a counterpoint, masculinity lacks perspective and purpose. If guys are just around each other all the time, they lose perspective because they forget what it's like to be around a feminine woman who's soft and just in every way different from them. Mothers are the original adults in human society, if you think about it, because they have always since the beginning of time had an unavoidable responsibility when they had a baby to care for it and raise raise it whereas men were it was easier for them to leave the situation and not really have to grow up so to speak. So men without good female influence can seek pleasure over responsibility forever, leaving them confused and at a loss for constructive motivation for themselves. Think about all the if I hadn't met her examples that you've heard, whether in real life or in movies, where the guy says, You know what, I just I didn't want to settle down and then I met her and she changed everything for me. So they truly do need women to be their counterpoint and bring out the good in them. So in today's world and lingo, we hear a lot about toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that being masculine is toxic, but more pertains to men who are crass and brutal and those men are actually quite weak and live in constant fear. They neither build, protect, nor organize. So those kinds of guys are the ones who have toxic masculinity because they're not actually masculine. So what about a truly masculine man, a man that can be seen as operating out of real masculinity is strong and caring, he would embrace the role as a father and a husband, he takes care of his health, he uses his superior physical strength for good, he also looks for ways to improve himself. He's not scared of self development, he's able to use his resources wisely. And all of this makes him attractive to you in presentation. While this is, sadly, the aim of many men in modern society, being a single man can be a joyous and wonderful thing. But he is arrested in his development without the opportunity to serve and protect, which means he never actualizes as a man, he never truly reaches and fulfills his purpose of being a bigger person more than a child just to play around and have fun, but to take on responsibility and to protect and to serve others. Masculine pride means his instinctive sense of delight and fulfillment and being a competent man in this world. So it's just a feeling of satisfaction with who he is as a man, and how he fits into society and to the world, what his rank and his reputation is. So this is the thing that's most important to men. And it's very important for us women to understand, like I said earlier, today's world has men believing that masculinity is a toxic thing, kind of how it wants to strip women of their birthright of gentle femininity and wants us to think that being sensitive and tender is an undesirable quality. So have men also been programmed to think that being masculine and being strong is somehow a negative thing. But it's important to remember that no matter what their pride is very easily wounded. So invalidating his physicality, his body, his social role, or his job, or his relationship role, really injures that sense of masculine pride. And this is a major blind spot for women because we love to correct and criticize, but men long to trust the woman that they love. So when they get aggressive, it's often to distract from the defensive position that they've been put in. So if you bring something up, and they're immediately on the defense, they will often distract with getting angry. But anger is not a primary emotion, let's remember that it's often a way for them to cover up their feelings of fear hurts or guilt. So a little tip here for women in relationships with men is instead of picking up the issue verbally win him over with gentle behavior and patience. So that's where that feminine influence really lies. And I mean, we all know it, when men perceive a deficit in themselves, they try their best to hide or denial, they really don't want to be seen as incompetent by you, especially by a woman that they're romantically involved with. So what are some ways to melt his walls of reserve when he puts them up? Well, you know, you just really want to be open and accepting. So be non judgmental, really avoid unnecessary criticisms show sincere interest, so take time to understand what he's into what he likes to spend his time on, maybe why certain things really bother or annoy him and take some time to to appreciate his manly qualities that also builds up the confidence and helps bring down those walls. You can do this while emphasizing your femininity, and just really creating that contrast of you know, he's the manly man and you're the soft woman. And again, these energies really fuse well together. be sympathetic and your understanding, don't always force your opinion into the conversation. Just be very open minded and just kind of let the person be and share and feel safe with you keep confidences don't blab things out that personally you wouldn't want shared about you if you are in the reverse situation. And just know that this takes patience, but it works. When it comes to vulnerabilities and men. We all know that men are not allowed to have or show them. They've been programmed since birth, that it's not okay to cry that they've been stuffing down and repressing their feelings all their lives. And unlike women who get together with their girlfriends, and we're able to have deep conversations and connections. Sadly, a lot of men are depressed because their friendships are more superficial and they don't get to have these types of conversations with their guys that women get to have these cathartic healing conversations. They don't get to have that vulnerability with men, which is why it's so important to step in with your femininity and create that safe space for him where he might not have it out in the rough and tough world. Just remember that vulnerabilities are what connect people they bring down walls they have Have you see that someone's not perfect, and that seeing their struggles and seeing their limitations connects you because it shows you that person is more human and vice versa. But when you attack him for showing vulnerability, you train him to never show it again. And you're doing this because you want to maintain an illusion of perfect safety and stability. Just know that that safety and stability comes with sharing the vulnerabilities between the two of you. Quick little tip here, men love to feel like the hero in life, they see themselves as essential to a woman and the family when they do well in their role as a protector and a provider, especially if they feel like they've earned that. So men kind of need constant validation that he's a good boy, you know, so if you can make him feel like a hero, he will feel like he can't live without you look for ways to you know, amp up his confidence that what he's doing is greatly appreciated by you. When it comes to sexual fulfilment, men are wired much differently than women for sex. So they aren't as susceptible to that natural bonding chemistry that takes place. And when in a long term committed relationship, especially in marriage, a woman should invest in and cultivate her ability to be a positive sexual partner for her man. Because if you take a man off the market, so to speak, and by being in an exclusive relationship that takes away access on both of your sides to other people, but then you must, you know, do your part as a partner to make sure that your partner is being sexually satisfied in a way that they need to be not necessarily in that you need to be because who knows, you might not need it as much, and women technically have a lower sex drive. So just know that for men, their sexual needs are just as important as our female needs are for security. Moving on to looks, it's really not as superficial as we think for men to want us to be pretty biologically, they're just a visual, that's how they perceive and sense their world. And being with a beautiful woman feeds into his sense of social status. And accomplishment. So sends out the message to other men that this is the level that I'm on in life. And you know, I mean, that that's just the way that they see things, you know, and we can't be mad at them for that. Remember that self care maximizes feminine power, we went over lots of ways to maximize your beauty and charm in the previous episode. And at the bottom line, men like to be proud of the woman that they're with. Gotta make life fun for him. So make sure you spend some time joining him and stress relieving activities. Guys love it when they can do fun things with their partner, as women, we can relax all day and veg out and you know, like, that's how we relieve our stress. But for guys, they relieve their stress through fun activities. And if you join him for these, then you'll find him needing his friends less and wanting to do things more with you rather than with the boys. There are a few ways that you can admire his manly qualities, especially in these areas of vulnerability that guys are especially sensitive about but won't admit so you can compliment him on his masculine body, you can highlight his masculine skills, things he's really good at and in the same boat is avoid suggesting that he's incompetent or incapable that's really demeaning. And then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where these guys do turn into what their wives describe them as, make sure that you support his dreams, goals and achievements men really need to be believed in in order to achieve their best. Unfortunately, there's a lot of women nowadays that are shying away from that role. But as we said before in the previous episode in this one too is that men really need a good woman to influence them. You can admire his role as a protector builder, a task leader, you can admire his courage you help him feel like a lion rather than a kitten. And don't be the one who wounds him Don't be the person that he associates with being hurt by prioritizing your partner is extremely important in all relationships. Because when a partner feels like they're number one, it calms their lizard brain and it makes them feel safe in the relationship. The spark is pretty much destined to fade because people in the comfort of their unfamiliarity of their relationship began to take each other for granted. So that means that magical love and that spark requires upkeep. And remember You are the magic in your relationship. You create those vibes and you create the settings and scenarios that bring the magic into your relationship. Now remember, if you want to be everything to your man, he must be everything to you first and I'm not talking about the guy that you've been talking to for six months that won't commit to you. I'm talking about the man who has shown you that he's committed to you and is interested in pursuing a long term deep heartfelt relationship with you and you want to be everything to him. You can Don't just expect that to happen by not investing anything in him and return. something extremely vital to keep in mind. And my dad actually spoke on this when he was marrying me and Sam is that acceptance is to men what adoration is to women, everyone longs to be accepted for who they are. And acceptance begins with you in your relationship, the hope of changing a man is a wild fantasy. And why do we have this fantasy as women? Why is it so easy for us to fall into this trap and this way of thinking? That's because women are mothers were mothers, since we're girls, since we started playing with dolls, and being taught how to care for and manage others and please them. So a lot of the times we find it hard to transition from motherly identity to an adult in an equal relationship with the masculine man. But I mean, I don't even have to tell you guys taking on a man as a project is more like single mother adoption than romance. And the root of all of this confusion here is the need to control which is unnatural to feminine energy. Remember, control is better suited to masculinity, whereas femininity is better suited to surrender. So when we try to control a relationship or control the change evolution in a man in the timeline on which it happens, there's just no way that it works out. What you can do, though, is influence by influencing you invite him to access and develop the potential within him on his own. Right. So control is manipulative influence is supportive, and it's based on that belief in his great worth and value as a person, taking choice away from anyone makes them feel like a part of them died and they will not be happy in a relationship with you. So acceptance begins with you. Change begins with you. So change yourself and watch him change himself. There's been a lot of things in my relationship that I crave to seeing a change in my partner in and I've noticed spoke to him about it and reminded him about it constantly, but it never happened. But once I started working on myself and started being more of an example rather than a nagger. It was amazing how quickly he came around. So I just want you guys to know that it does work that way. When it comes to admiration, men are wired to receive emotional reward in recognition of their competence. And they long for it. So honestly, I think that words of affirmation is generally men's love language. They love to hear how good they did at something. When you tell them I love you. It just doesn't hold the same weight to them as it does to women. When we hear it is just too vague. It's just kind of like yeah, okay, you love me. What they want to hear specifically is how they've done well at a task. That's really reaffirming to them. Understanding his deepest ambitions can amp up your power in helping him feel supported and manly. So understanding his of ambitions means like knowing the root core of why he's pursuing the things he's pursuing, why he's putting the time in why he's working the late hours. And you can do this through sympathetic understanding, active listening, listening to understand and not just reply, you know, and you showed us through your body language, how attentive you are, men just want us to be their listeners are sounding boards draws him close to you, and he can bounce ideas off of you without feeling judged or criticized in my relationship. I feel that it really brings me and Sam closer together on we can have a conversation where we just racquet things back and forth. And it's non judgmental, non critical and or just open mindedly discussing ideas. If it comes to situations where maybe some emotion that he's been repressing or not dealing with comes out and he's like letting it out emotionally. It's quite rare for men, but it happens and the best thing you can do is just listen and let him empty Himself. And when he is ready to discuss it, he will he'll come around and he'll discuss it with you. But probing and picking at the issue only pushes him further away. So to wrap this episode up, we learned that men need good women in order to inspire them to grow up to feel good about responsibility and to fulfill their roles as truly masculine men. We know that good men build, protect, organize and lead and it's up to us women to bring out the best in them because we set the standard and that's why it's important that we harness our femininity to help us do so. Contrary to popular opinion, men are incredibly sensitive and knowing how to maneuver their vulnerabilities and make him feel like a hero will take you very far in your relationship. Remember that admiration it can renew a tired romance like magic when someone feels appreciated when someone feels seen and heard. They open up and the connection is able to be made. In order to have the best outcome with partners of the opposite sex. We have to learn their land coaching practice these tips that we learned today instead of defaulting to how we tackle these problems as women with other women, they just simply don't work like us. And we've done few episodes on that, especially when it comes to communication. Just remember that in order to win, you have to get into the opposition's brain. So that's what we were dedicated to going over today. Next week, we will conclude the series with the combination of femininity and masculinity and what is truly a power couple relationships. So we will talk about how to deal with issues in the relationship how to maintain a home how to create a lovely atmosphere and enjoy a lasting love. So tap in next Monday for the final part to fascinating womanhood. Go ahead and give us a follow on Instagram at stellar cycles pod. You can find there in our link in bio a free grocery guide for you based on the phases of your cycle. So every week, you will know what foods to eat that support your hormonal balances and help ease symptoms that you might have surrounding your cycle. Or we would really love a rating if you have the time and I'd love to read your reviews when you leave them. Until then spread the good word about stellar cycles to your fellow women and let's all elevate our lives, our cycles and our dreams together till next time stellar cycles out