When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A few years ago, in the middle years of our family's estrangement from my adult daughter and grandchildren, I adopted the phrase "Parent Partner.”
I borrowed the term from the early days of divorcing parents (remember Gweneth Paltro's divorce from Chris Martin?) working together to co-parent young children. The concept is that divorcing parent-partners choose to work collaboratively, in a friendly manner, to jointly parent young children. They may even vacation together, celebrate birthdays together, etc.
The separation we - the parents - experience from our maturing children is actually a close cousin to the concept of divorce. If we manage it well, it doesn't have to lead to estrangement.
The Oxford Dictionary defines divorce as " the separation or dissociation from something.” Isn’t this what happens as our children individuate from us in their young adult years? In my experience, it certainly felt like a divorce at times. Individuation is natural. It is natural for our adult children to separate from us as their primary family - to create their own separate lives.
So (insert shoulder shrug here), why not adapt proactively and intentionally in our relationship with our adult child?
This episode provides 10 tips for growing into the parent-partner role, including how to integrate our adult children's expectations and needs - in the face of today's complex world - so we can stay connected and actively involved in their lives - AND not risk estrangement.
For more information, please visit
https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.