When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic and after several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in Bri's vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her work supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.
Today, I can humbly and gratefully share that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and begin to reestablish herself as an independent woman and mother. Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how their communication styles and interpersonal behavior might be strengthened to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to anyone hoping to reconnect with an estranged adult child or to those estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy, exhausting, and hellish experience of estrangement.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
Episodes
Dad and Grampa: Navigating Estrangement Across Generations
When Estrangement Shakes Our Faith: How loss, silence, and longing can impact spirituality.
Mom, Mentor, Grandma: Flexing Roles Without Fueling the Fire of Estrangement
Stillness, Space & Grace: Surviving Estranged Holidays
The Unrest of Not Knowing: Letting Go of The Need for Certainty in Estrangement
When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays
Respecting No-Contact: 8 Strategies to Find Strength in the Stillness
8 Ways To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted
Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3): Gatekeepers & Coercive Control
Peeling the Onion (Layer 2): Cutting into the 7 layers of coercive abuse
Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1): Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement
When the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and Estrangement
6 Mistakes Estranged Parents Make That Delay Re-Establishing Communication
When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting and Coercive Control
How Do You vs Your Adult Child - Decide Whether to Attend Social Events on High Risk Days?
Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries
The Yin and Yang of Parenting Adult Children: Nurture, Structure and Estrangement
5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult Children
5 Common Mistakes Therapists Make When Working With Us - Estranged Parents
Father’s Day in Silence: A Heart-to-Heart for Estranged Dads
It’s Not Just About the Past: Why Adult Kids Stop Talking to Dad
The Three A’s: Apology, Accountability & Amends - What's the Difference and Why It Matters
Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect- Episode 2
Crossed Wires: The Role of Emotional Incest in Estrangement
The Hardest Days: What is a high risk day and how to prepare (Overview) Episode 1 of 5