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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
Episodes
73 episodes
When It Was Us — Episode 2: The Silence (audio only)
What happens in the years right before an adult child walks away — and what does the silence that follows actually feel like, from both sides? In Part Two of When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna go i...
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When It Was Us - Episode 1: How We Got Here (audio only)
What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for ...
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OMG They're back! Now what do I do?? How do I know if I'm ready?
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, you’ll walk through one of the most fragile and hopeful moments in estrangement: when your adult child reaches out. Whether it’s a short text, a knock on your door, or a message pas...
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Parental Estrangement and Acceptance: Finding Your Way From Rejection to Renewal
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, you’ll explore what comes after the slog through the first three swirling stages of grief. After the shock, anger, and despair have swirled for a while, you're likely to find...
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The Emotional Nexus of Parental Estrangement: Rejection
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Steinkamp takes a gentle but honest look at one of the most painful aspects of estrangement: the deep sting of rejection. When our adult child pulls away - slowly or...
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Aligning Your Communication With Your Adult Child's Perceptions
It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child.You want closeness, bu...
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Dad and Grampa: Navigating Estrangement Across Generations
Being a strong and steady father to an adult child and a grounded grandfather to their children matters deeply, especially in families experiencing tension or any level of estrangement. The importance isn’t about control or authority, it’s abou...
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When Estrangement Shakes Our Faith: How loss, silence, and longing can impact spirituality.
When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement fro...
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Mom, Mentor, Grandma: Flexing Roles Without Fueling the Fire of Estrangement
The days of straightforward expectations about how moms transition from being a child's mom to mom to an adult child, and finally, from mom to a grandparent, are long gone. The challenge of understanding our adult children's expectations is rea...
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Stillness, Space & Grace: Surviving Estranged Holidays
The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete.In...
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The Unrest of Not Knowing: Letting Go of The Need for Certainty in Estrangement
You’re not crazy for wanting answers—you’re human. It's human nature to want to know how and why things happen. In estrangement, too often the answers don't come, and we are challenged to find closure amid ambiguity.In this episode, I'll...
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When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays
The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday. We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the
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Respecting No-Contact: 8 Strategies to Find Strength in the Stillness
When the phone stops ringing and your texts go unanswered, the quiet can feel unbearable. In “Surviving the Silence,” Dr. Janet Steinkamp walks you through how to use this season with purpose so you don’t ruminate and drive yourself to...
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8 Ways To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted
Hi Listeners, Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, y...
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Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3): Gatekeepers & Coercive Control
Learn about navigating “Gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.In this deeper dive on coercive control, you’ll learn how to keep the light on for your adult child when a partner is acting as a gatekeeper....
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Peeling the Onion (Layer 2): Cutting into the 7 layers of coercive abuse
You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimida...
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Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1): Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing f...
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When the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and Estrangement
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured...
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6 Mistakes Estranged Parents Make That Delay Re-Establishing Communication
Estrangement is often painful, disorienting and frustrating. Even the most well-intended parents can unknowingly make things worse. In this episode, I explore the six common mistakes I see parents make when struggling to reconnect.<...
When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting and Coercive Control
In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate. Sometimes emotionally charged dynamic...
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How Do You vs Your Adult Child - Decide Whether to Attend Social Events on High Risk Days?
Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!How do our adult children d...
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Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries
When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children o...
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The Yin and Yang of Parenting Adult Children: Nurture, Structure and Estrangement
Hi and welcome to the WOACWA podcast.I want to invite you to rethink the dynamics of parenting adult children through the lens of yin and yang—balancing empathy with wisdom, flexibility with boundaries. In this episode, we ex...
5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult Children
Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, neve...
5 Common Mistakes Therapists Make When Working With Us - Estranged Parents
If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair b...
