When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult Children
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Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again.
In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, differ for estranged parents and adult children. Together, we explore how this understanding can foster empathy, reduce blame, and support us as we find ways to strengthen or reopen communication.
We look at five key differences in our experiences as estranged parents and their experiences as the adult child who walked away.
- Anticipation vs Avoidance
- Identity and Role Confusion
- Public Pressure vs Private Pain
- Longing vs Relief
- Rituals of Grief
And in the end, why does it even matter if we consider what it may be like to be in their shoes?
Empathy isn’t about agreeing or changing how we feel about our experiences; it’s about recognizing that our experience is not the only one that needs understanding.
When we soften judgment, open our hearts and set aside our grief, even for just a little while, we create space for new understanding and new perspective.
We begin to prepare for future dialogues and reduce the potential for increased distance.
Acknowledging emotional differences is a step toward relational safety and potential healing.
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.