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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting and Coercive Control
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate.
Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely.
Enter the concept of coercive control and the cult-of-one dynamic.
In this episode, we begin to explore these dynamics, uncover the difference between power and influence, and learn how to avoid slipping into coercive control or gaslighting, no matter who’s setting the trap.
Queue up the episode and let's get started.
Past episodes referenced in this conversation:
- The Continuum of Estrangement
- What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing
- Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane
- Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Extended)
- Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.