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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
Stillness, Space & Grace: Surviving Estranged Holidays
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The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete.
In this episode, Stillness, Space, and Grace, I'll walk you through the emotional landmines of “high-risk days” such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other meaningful holidays. We’ll explore why the holidays intensify grief for parents of estranged adults, what silence can really mean for your estranged adult child, and how both of you may be using distance as a form of self-preservation—not punishment.
I offer practical strategies to help you survive and find comfort:
- Use stillness as a gift instead of something to fear
- Sit with your emotions without judging yourself
- Ask gentle reflective questions like, “What am I feeling?” and “What do these feelings need from me?”
- Honor your adult child’s need for space without abandoning yourself
- Create new traditions, anchors, and support systems so you’re not facing this season alone
You’ll also hear ideas for simple, low-pressure ways to reach out—like a quiet card with a simple message from you. Something like, “Thinking of you, wishing you peace.” How to use this season to rebuild your own identity, resilience, and readiness for future reconnection.
If you’re feeling invisible, guilty, angry, or just deeply tired, this conversation is here to remind you that you’re not weak, you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. Your story isn’t over. You’re growing, your adult child is growing, and the stillness and space require grace for yourself and for your adult child. How you navigate holiday traditions and celebrations can inform your decisions about preparing for opportunities ahead.
Previous and Related Episodes
- High-Risk Days, Part 1: Understanding Emotional Landmines
How to recognize the “high-risk days” that trigger estrangement grief and why they hit so hard. - High-Risk Days, Part 2: Preparing for Holidays and Milestones
Practical plans for surviving birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries when you’re estranged. - High-Risk Days, Part 3: Recovery After a Hard Day
What to do after a triggering event and how to come back to emotional center. - When Tradition Meets Transition
Rethinking holiday traditions, grief, and meaning when your adult child is distant or estranged.
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DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.