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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.
I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
After Hours from Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 - Why aren't' they responding? (Audio Only)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Are you an estranged parent who finds themselves asking the same question over and over... "Why isn’t my message landing the way I intend?" Or, "Why isn't (adult child) responding?"
In this first After Hours Series episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take the most urgent issue from their inaugural Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 and share it here: what we say, how we say it, and why it matters more than most parents realize.
This isn’t a conversation about finding the perfect words. It’s about understanding that a message often reaches your adult child through others' filters. There is often a partner, a therapist, an attorney, or a deeply held influence standing between what is written and how it’s received, and every word has to make it through that gauntlet first.
Bri and Janet break down three things that came up most in their Office Hours conversation on May 24th, 2026: knowing who is really being written to, understanding when and whether to say anything at all, and staying emotionally neutral when everything inside wants to defend, explain, or beg for contact. You’ll also hear Bri reveal how she decided whether to read a message and why.
This is the episode for every parent who has sent a letter, a text, or an email and heard nothing back. And for every parent who is afraid of saying the wrong thing.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Who is really interpreting your message? Attorneys, therapists, partners, gatekeepers, and why a stranger’s interpretation can end the conversation before it starts
- The shorthand trap: why inside references and half-sentences can be misinterpreted and even weaponized by a third party
- Knowing your goal before communicating and why writing to be explain, to defend, or to get a response almost always backfires
- The 24-hour rule and why Bri thinks 72 hours is the real minimum
- Why responding quickly, even with love and good intentions, can feel offensive to an adult child who spent weeks on a single letter
- “I didn’t read most of your messages,” Bri’s honest account of what made her stop reading, and what finally made her read a complete message
- Why is silence after sending something not rejection
- The letter that took Janet six months to write, and why every iteration taught her something new
- What “staying in your lane” really means when desperate for any contact (listen to the episode Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane)
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
“Somebody else is gonna read this letter. Everything put out there is just available for the taking, and the actual message is lost.” Bri
“Statements need to say what you mean, and you have to mean what you say. There’s no shorthand.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“If the goal is about you, if you’re wanting something, needing something, feeling something, then just don’t. It’s most likely not going to land well.” Bri
“Even if you wait a month to respond, if the response is genuine and reflective and thought out, the month isn’t going to even register. They want change or movement, not validation.” Bri
“I didn’t read some of your communications. I’d read the first sentence, and I’d be like nope. I don’t think this is going to be any different.” Bri
“Silence does not mean rejection. It does not mean they’re not thinking about it.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“That letter took me six months to write. And every iteration, you learn more. You see more. You understand more.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
WHAT is the AFTER HOURS Series?
The After Hours Series episodes follow Virtual Office Hours live sessions where listeners join Dr. Janet Steinkamp and Brianna in real time to ask questions and share what’s on their minds. After each session, Janet and Bri take the most important topics from those conversations and go deeper.
The issues discussed in Office Hours are complex and nuanced, they deserve more than a quick response. Similarly, the topics we bring back to the After Hours Series listeners are equally as complex. Think of the After Hours Series as the conversation that continues after the room goes quiet.
Register to join the next Virtual Office Hours session at:
www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
Connect directly with Janet: Janet@jesteinkamp.com
For more information: https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
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DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.