Beyond Brain Tumours

Redefining life after: A way forward through change, adversity and suffering | Part 2

• Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada • Episode 14

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In this heartfelt conversation, Matthew shares his journey as a brain tumour survivor and the profound ways in which it challenged his identify, routines, and mental health as a young adult. He talks about paving a way forward, sharing the question that helped anchor him through his most difficult moments: “What can I do today, right now, in this moment?” 

While adversity might look different for everyone, the path through it is built one step at a time, through resilience and courage. Matthew’s story reminds us that there is hope, even in the toughest of times. 

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to part two of Beyond Brain Tumors, a podcast of inspiration, hope, and support for the brain tumor community. I'm your host, Ben Seawald, Sports Services Specialist at Brain Tumor Foundation of Canada. In part two, we'll be discussing what Matthew discovered through his brain tumor experience, the benefits of facing adversity and hardship, and living in the moment. Please have a listen to part one of Matthew's story for a longer introduction and some context to his story. Okay, Matthew. Can you talk to me a little bit about this concept of the benefits that you see in facing adversity and hardship? And I know that you're a believer in suffering. What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, great, great question, Ben. Um, I know it sounds a little weird, big believer in suffering. Um, you know, it's it's the thing is with the adversity that we face in life, so often when we avoid it or when we run from it, we we lose an opportunity to learn from it. You know, I often say in my talks, the more that we run from it, the less we learn from it. And what I mean by that is when we choose to face a challenging circumstance, no matter what that is, there's an opportunity to learn something from that experience. And the more that we learn from those things, the better we're gonna be ready to face things again in the future. The thing about adversity, the thing about suffering is it doesn't discriminate. Doesn't matter how old you are, how young you are, you know, where you grew up, everybody's gonna be faced by challenging things. Um, again, whether that's a cancer diagnosis or a failed exam in school or the loss of a job or the loss of a loved one. You know, these are common experiences. And it's being ready to face those situations when they come was one of the main things that I learned through my diagnosis and my treatment. And it's what I try and share with individuals through the talks that I give and the work that I do is how can we be better prepared to face adversity when it comes? You know, one of the only things that we can do with adversity is find our way through it. I mentioned in part one that when I was in my, you know, the hospital bed and recovering, and uh I told the doctors, like, don't tell me what might happen. Just tell me what I need to do today. What is it that I need to do in in this moment right now? What is that next right step through that challenging circumstance? You know, some of the other lessons or the the things that I remind myself of is is a really simple phrase. It's that suffering that is not transformed is transmitted. Oh wow. Suffering that is not transformed is transmitted. I think we've all had that circumstance where whether it's a disagreement with a friend or somebody at work, and all of a sudden there's this tension or this thing, you know, kind of is between us. And if you ignore that, that tends to grow. It gets worse and it gets worse and it gets worse to the point that it's probably gonna end up affecting other things in our lives. Instead, though, if we went to that individual and we we cleared the air and we talked to it, we transformed whatever that situation was, we're gonna be better off in the long term rather than transmitting it into other areas of our lives. So suffering that is not transformed is transmitted. This is this is a concept that um I learned through my own experience and um has made a really big impact in my own life.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that. That's incredible. And I also think that I mean, what you talk about in terms of uh kind of leaning into that adversity and hardship, I mean, that's seen everywhere, right? How high altitude training for marathons, um kind of uh even people now going for walks with weighted vests, right? Yeah, I think I think a lot of people are looking for that extra level of kind of resistance so that their everyday life and existence can feel a little bit easier. So I think exactly and right to your point um of facing that adversity and hardship and and learning from it rather than avoiding it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, well, again, anyone who who goes to the gym or or plays sports or anything like that will know the phrase no pain. No gain. No gain. Exactly, right? No pain, no gain. Because there's there's a situation where we go through, we have to to face that that peak, that hill, that valley, whatever it is, uh, and get to the other side, right? Like every challenge has a treasure. There's something to be gained from that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. There's also another quote that I really love. Um, there is no strength where there is no struggle is another really good one. And it just kind of talks about the fact that, you know, unless you're challenging yourself or struggling a little bit, that you're not gaining that strength or you're not kind of challenging yourself to be better than you were before. So Yeah, yeah, 100%. Gosh, I love that. Um, and maybe now you've turned me around, and maybe I'm a believer in suffering too.

SPEAKER_01:

It it's uh it's a good place to get to if you can understand what uh what's to be gained for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. Um can you uh just talk to me a little bit and articulate the benefits of the brainwave pediatric support program and also the youth education awards from Brain Tumor Foundation of Canada? I mean, overall, the kind of general support from the brain tumor community or cancer community in Canada, can what did they mean to you?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I didn't mention this in part one when I was sharing about my diagnosis journey and that experience. But um, when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, it turned out that uh my brother-in-law had a cousin who was also diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was younger. And his mom reached out to my mom to explain the brain tumor foundation and just what exactly it was. Um, and it connected us to things like brainwave, where I got to get the support from other individuals and other, you know, um support groups, and just getting to meet other young men and women like myself who were diagnosed. You know, we often can feel like a bit of an island when we're going through something like a cancer diagnosis that no one's ever experienced something like I have, or that I've, you know, never had the opportunity to, you know, connect with somebody like myself. Um and and Brainwave was one of those places that I got to meet so many incredible young men and women who had also had brain tumors, uh, who had also experienced something like myself. You know, it's a different sort of experience when you walk into a room and everyone can say verbatim the exact diagnosis that they had at whatever age. For myself, it was a non-dermanoma germ cell yoke sac pineal brain tumor. That's a mouthful.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. Well, and some of the brain tumor names, right? Oligodendroglioma and like some of the names of the medications, right? Like tamazolamide and like, I mean, just rolls off the tongue for this community.

SPEAKER_01:

So like, oh, you're on dexamethasone as well. Oh, me too. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, comparing your your treatment charts and different things, you know, it's uh it's a unique experience for sure. Um and you also mentioned the the youth education award. And like for myself, uh I mentioned I was hoping to go into engineering and I was hoping to do all these things. And unfortunately, that wasn't the the path that I found myself on necessarily, but I did end up going to university and studying, and it was a great scholarship that actually helped me to cover the costs of my education. A lot of people might be working at the same time, and they might be you know pulling a job as well as four classes. I didn't have that same ability to do that following my treatment in grade 12. So it made a way for me to pursue that education like I wanted to. So that was huge for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Amazing. Yeah, I know uh a little bit about the Youth Education Award program from BTFC, and we'll we'll link to the show notes. Um, but it is a really phenomenal opportunity to access much needed funds so that uh pediatric survivors can kind of achieve their dreams through post-secondary education if that's the path that they want to go. So uh really incredible to chat with you a little bit um and to to see kind of the the success in front of me here from those youth education awards.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um can you tell me a little bit about the strength you found in your faith and in your family?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um again, I I mentioned I'm the youngest of of six children. Um a lot of people around my bedside when I was first diagnosed and in the the rooms in children's hospital. And um I think that's often a group of people that get missed a little bit when it comes to cancer diagnoses. Um, you know, I remember telling my family, I'm I was actually glad I was diagnosed because I don't think I could have seen them go through what I went through. And uh I'm getting a little emotional here, Ben. Um you know, they they were a huge support network, constantly being there after my treatments, visiting me in the hospital. My mom slept on a cot at Jones Hospital for two and a half weeks and had to be driven home to have a shower because she didn't want to leave.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um and without without them, I don't think it would have been the same sort of uh outcome that I I had as far as just being positive or when I first experienced my depression and having my sister call me every day to talk. Um, even when I told her I don't want to talk anymore, um, she continued to to ring me. Um and my faith as well. You know, a lot of people ask me if uh I leaned on my faith a lot in that experience. Um and it wasn't until after that I realized that I did. Right. You know, it wasn't something that immediately um was evident, but there was definitely a lot of grace present in that situation, in that circumstance. Um, I mean, right out of the gate when it comes to what do I need to do today? Um so often when we're faced by circumstances like this, it can be easy to ask that question, why me? You know, why why is it that I have to go through this right now? And for myself, it was more of a question of well, why why not me? What what is it that I can can learn from this? Like we talked about transforming our suffering. What is it that I can learn from this experience? Or how is it that this experience can help others? Um, you know, by the way that I I face it. Um and definitely I I see in my experience the outcomes that I've had, I I do attribute a lot to to my faith at this point in the prayers that I would have received for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. And I agree. I think that there's a there's a huge um benefit to feel like you have been chosen for this journey rather than like uh that you have to go through something so horrible, right? So uh I remember thinking the same thing that I was glad that it happened to me so that I I didn't have to witness somebody else go through it and also somehow I knew that I had the strength to get through it. Yeah, absolutely. So um tell me a little bit about meeting your wife. Um and uh and yeah, and and kind of what the what the what the outcome there came from, especially after having that conversation with your social worker in the hospital about family planning.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um well, I mean, anyone who would who listened to the intro in in the first part would hear that I was born in Surrey, but I'm in Ottawa, wondering how I made the leap. And uh to the chagrin of my mother, I ended up getting a job with a nonprofit company that actually brought me to Ontario, to Ottawa. And she said, You're you're gonna move away, you're gonna meet someone, you're gonna get married, and you're not gonna come home. Well, I've been living in Ottawa now for six years. Sorry, Mom. Um, but uh when I moved here, the uh church I ended up attending had a young adults group that I got involved with, and I got invited to this particular event, and I met a young woman who uh opened the door to me to the event, and we ended up connecting on something called the the Camino de Santiago, which is a pilgrimage in Spain, which I had actually done in 2017, she had done it in 2016, um, and we really hit it off just chatting about that. Um and I mean, long story short, her name's Danica, love of my life. Um, we ended up getting getting married during the pandemic.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01:

Um and talking about facing adversity, planning three different wedding venues and canceling two of them, and then ultimately having a backyard reception was definitely an adversity we faced right at the beginning of our our marriage. Um, but I'm happy to say we've been married four years. And for for those who tuned in to the the first part, um, you know, they had you mentioned the the family planning, and my my treatment could have left me without having any kids, but I'm happy to say we have a very healthy and rambunctious three-year-old uh boy, uh, and we're expecting our second in December.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, congratulations. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I mean, what a turnaround, too. Um, in terms of kind of maybe assuming that that option might not necessarily be available um to uh to being able to have a family and to live that life uh with your remarkable partner and and and children. Um and your mom nailed it. Maybe I should ask her about like lotto numbers or something, right?

SPEAKER_01:

So well, I I always joke she forgot the part where I have a kid in three years. But uh they they make a trip out here at least twice a year to see us. So and we go out there too. So it's yeah, it's great.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's great. Great. Amazing, Matthew. Do you have any final lessons for us?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I again I think um some of the things that I've shared previously, as far as you know, when we're facing adversity, taking it that one step at a time, asking that question is what is it that I can do today in this very moment? Um, but also that idea of learning from the adversity that we face so that the next time that we're ready to we're more ready to face it when it comes, you know, how can we transform rather than transit the suffering that we go through? And one of the things I I love to talk about is this idea of course corrections in our lives. You know, we might have we might have a goal, we might have a destination, we might have a thing that we want to do. Um, and you know, the tricky thing about goals is the moment you set those up, we're gonna start seeing blockers in our way. And that's what ends up creating those things is all of a sudden there's these things that help us forward into it, and there's things that kind of retract and slow us down. But in life, adversity can often be this thing that causes a bit of a course correction, whether that is something that completely diverts you from your plan altogether, and you have to have a totally new direction to get to what you want to do, or sometimes, like in my circumstance, a adversity that totally changed what that goal is altogether. And I would just touch on the fact that hindsight really is 2020. I know it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Um, I get 40-40 vision with my double vision, but anyways, um when we can look back at our circumstance and see the series of circumstances, good and bad, that lead to where we are today really is quite amazing. These these small course corrections. For myself, I thought I was gonna be a civil engineer. I ended up being diagnosed, went to a small university, you know, studied public relations, found myself on a plane to Ottawa where I now met my wife. I now have two beautiful kids. Um, and I'm a you know pursuing the career that I think really I'm I'm meant to do and sharing not only my story, but also a sense of hope. That adversity isn't um something necessarily to be you know fearful of. It's something that we can face and we can learn from and we can find our way through it. Um so I'd really just encourage anyone who's who's facing uh a challenging situation right now that doesn't have to be a cancer diagnosis, that doesn't have to be um, you know, something huge and out of this world, it can even be something small, is you have what it takes, and you can take that next right step and learn from that situation.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, that's so powerful. Gosh, Matthew, thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt and authentic journey, um, all of those tremendous lessons uh with the brain tumor community all throughout Canada. In a world where the challenges of a brain tumor diagnosis can be devastating, Matthew is standing with Brain Tumor Foundation of Canada as a beacon of hope and transformation. Thank you. Stay hydrated and stay strong. Thanks again, thanks so much, Ben. Thanks so much.