Fuel For Thought
Join hosts Tracy Elizabeth and Nicole Heller on Fuel For Thought, the empowering podcast designed to help women unleash a healthier lifestyle. With their expert insights and unwavering dedication, Tracy and Nicole delve into the challenges faced by women in achieving optimal health and provide actionable strategies to overcome them. From debunking myths about nutrition to exploring the latest fitness trends, they leave no stone unturned in their quest to fuel your body, mind, and soul.
Each episode of Fuel For Thought offers a wealth of practical advice, inspiring stories, and interviews with leading experts in the health and wellness field. Tracy and Nicole bring their unique perspectives and personal journeys, making every discussion relatable and authentic. Whether you're struggling with emotional eating, searching for sustainable weight loss techniques, or seeking to boost your overall well-being, this podcast serves as your go-to resource for transformation.
Through lively conversations, evidence-based research, and practical tips, Fuel For Thought will equip you with the knowledge and tools needed to make informed decisions about your health. Uncover the secrets to maintaining a balanced diet, discover effective workout routines, and learn how to build a positive relationship with food. Fuel For Thought embraces the mantra of relentlessly overcoming obstacles to achieve your desired results.
Tune in to Fuel For Thought and join Tracy Elizabeth and Nicole Heller as they inspire, motivate, and empower women to take charge of their health, harness their inner strength, and unlock their true potential. Subscribe now to embark on a journey towards a healthier, happier you!
Fuel For Thought
Defending Boundaries with Humor: Navigating Unwanted Explicit Photos in Modern Dating
What if you could put an end to the awkward and often invasive experience of receiving unsolicited explicit photos? In our latest episode, Tracy Elizabeth and Nicole Heller tackle the bizarre and disrespectful trend of men sending pictures of their genitals, regardless of age or relationship status. Nicole, with 20 years of marriage under her belt, offers her seasoned perspective, contrasting sharply with Tracy's adventures in the unpredictable world of modern dating. Together, they navigate this absurd phenomenon with a mix of humor and genuine frustration, sharing personal anecdotes and practical advice on how to maintain respect and assertiveness in all dating communications.
Ever wondered how direct communication might transform inappropriate online interactions? Tracy and Nicole dive into the importance of voicing disapproval and standing up against unsolicited explicit images, sharing real-life stories where assertiveness led to unexpected apologies. The conversation underscores the universal disdain women have for such images, advocating for a proactive approach rather than simply blocking offenders. By encouraging women to respond assertively, Tracy and Nicole hope to foster better behavior and elevate the standards of communication and respect between genders.
Navigating the digital dating scene can feel like a minefield, with traditional methods like websites and apps often falling short. Tracy and Nicole lament the loss of respectful courtship, reminiscing about iconic romantic characters who set the bar high. They emphasize the need for genuine communication and the impact of upbringing on behavior, advocating for teaching boys to respect women from a young age. With humor and assertiveness, they offer strategies for handling unwelcome advances, highlighting the importance of open discussions about digital etiquette and respectful communication. Join us for a candid and humorous exploration of modern dating challenges, and discover how to advocate for yourself in the digital age.
Follow our journey on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fuel_for_thought_podcast/
Welcome to Fuel for Thought, empowering women to live healthier lifestyles. I'm Tracy Elizabeth. I'm Nicole Heller. All right, here we go, we got. We got something good today for you guys.
Speaker 2:We do have something good today and we wanted to come to you with some unplugged, very very unplugged something a little different and something that tracy and I so you know, I think we have been pretty, you know, open with tracy is single. I am married. I am this year. I'm married 20 years, tracy single for 15 years single um.
Speaker 2:So you know we talk a lot about, like you know, maybe, text message that tracy gets, or um. You know we talk a lot about the single, the single world, dms and text messages, and you know I have a lot of other single friends and you know a good amount of single friends that I talk to. So you know, I feel, like you know, sometimes maybe my advice may not always be the best advice, because I've been out of the game for like a really long time, but at the same time I feel like sometimes things can be a little old school, right, I feel like it's okay for things to be old school, but I feel like this is one thing that blows your mind actually blows my mind, like like I don't. I don't feel like it matters what year it is. I don't feel like it matters what decade we're in. I don't feel like it matters where we are in the world.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like it matters how old the person is that they're dating. I don't feel like anything matters. Ever, ever, ever, no matter if you're an 18 year old dating or if you're a 50 year old dating. It doesn't matter, no matter if you're an 18 year old dating or if you're a 50 year old dating, it doesn't matter. I don't feel like at any point anyone should send anyone a picture of your genitals. I'm sorry, this has literally deciding on what to say, and how?
Speaker 2:I'm sorry I because I'm deciding, like this is a podcast, should I be saying the d word? Should I be saying a p word? Should it be the g word? So I'm trying to like, come, come at you with Should I be saying the D word? Should I be saying a P word? Should it be the G word? So I'm trying to like, come at you with, like, the right language, because what I want to say is totally inappropriate. But like we have been going back and forth about this, like I can't tell you how many times, and like I'm so blown away by the whole concept, Like I'm so blown away, tell, since she's married and she's here yelling in the microphone.
Speaker 2:She's not even getting these dms messages.
Speaker 2:I'm not even and I have to tell you and shout out to Terrence, I love you, and like I, and shouted out I will look at it all day in person. But I don't even want a picture of his on my phone. Like, don't send it to me, terrence, don't send it to me. Like she's not sorry for that. I know I love you. I'll in person, thank you. I don't even want a picture.
Speaker 2:God did not make it to be in print. I'm sorry, it's just not meant for that. I'm sorry, it's just my opinion on it. It doesn't belong in a photo coming in your phone. It just doesn't. And like I don't understand why men believe, especially in the dating world, that it belongs coming in your phone. Like, let's, I mean, we'll talk about it on a respect level, on a woman level, we'll take it to that piece. But on a humor level, what are you thinking? And and for God's sakes, what can you? Let's fast forward 10 years, what? What? Around the dinner table, right? A husband and wife sitting at the dinner table, right, thanksgiving day. It's a grandma and grandpa right, and they're sitting with their grandkids. Tell me about the first time you met. Did it ever start with? Well, I actually texted your grandmother a picture of my junk, could you imagine? No, like, I mean, come on like. Is that how a relationship starts?
Speaker 1:no. And it's funny because I go back and forth with nicole when I have um text messages and I'm like okay, it's coming, it's coming like what's gonna happen next? And then she's like take a deep breath, like like let's see what happens, and then she's like no, no, no, that that's okay, that's okay, okay, right. Yeah, like sometimes they send like the most craziest things before that junk picture and you're kind of like I don't know where this is going. Like is this a good emoji? Is this a bad emoji? Or like remember the time I got a text with a charcuterie board yeah, a charcut. Some guy sent a picture of it in a bathtub. Like why are you eating cheese in your tub?
Speaker 2:Like and why are you sending that? Yeah, I mean, it was a beautiful board.
Speaker 1:It was a beautiful spread.
Speaker 2:Why are you eating cheese in your bathtub?
Speaker 1:Yeah and now, and so Nicole, being my advocate in my voice, was able to articulate a text back to the person and say please don't text me again, because it's not normal. I was kind of like being proactive because I didn't even want to know what was coming after that cheese picture, but like, if you imagine, him eating it in the bathtub and sending me a picture.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. Like why? Like I don't even, I don't even want to know why you're eating cheese in your bathtub. Like that's the first level. But like, if you want to foster a relationship with someone, if you want to build upon a conversation with someone, if you actually want this to go somewhere, how do you expect that to be built upon a picture of cheese in a bathtub or a picture?
Speaker 1:of your junk. I think sometimes, depending on the man, it's kind of the way that they're filtering out to see how the response would be. Like I said, I don't know where that response is going to go because we both shut that down right away, Like I don't want to know what happens after. I think that they just don't even think about it and then some of them are just filtering it to see how far they can go.
Speaker 2:I guess. But I mean OK. So let's say hypothetically the guy isn't looking to build upon it. Let's say he's just looking for okay. Let's say it's just a one-night stand, or it's just for fun, or he's not looking for something serious. Even if you're not looking for something serious, I as a woman can almost guarantee you that even a woman who's not looking for something serious still doesn't want to see your junk no, I don't like.
Speaker 1:I don't see anything on any of my social media forum of a woman going oh my goodness, I got this message from this guy Like it's actually all terrible things that women are saying like stop sending it to me. But yet we still live in a world where men are still sending those things or requesting.
Speaker 2:But if we thought it was cool, we would be texting you a picture of a vagina, right Like? If I thought it was cool, we would be texting you a picture of a vagina, right Like? If I thought it was cool, I would be sending you pictures of my vagina, right Like? It's not cool, like, and I feel like and I know we have primarily women listeners, so I feel like this is going to fall on deaf ears because you know men are not going to hear this, but I really feel like men should hear it.
Speaker 2:So, like, if you're a woman listener right now, like, I feel like you need to take this podcast and you need to post it to your wall and tag the men single men in your life, like if you're a male right now and you're hearing this. Please know that tracy and I have spoken to numerous women and no woman out there right now wants you to send them a picture of your junk. Please do yourself a favor if you want to find yourself a woman for the rest of your life. That's not the way to do it. No.
Speaker 1:I don't think they, I don't think any man that is doing that is actually has the notion like I want this person to be my wife.
Speaker 2:I think we just live in a selfish world and people are with ill intent but do you think that some of the guys that want to even just not not have anything serious, that even just want to have something quick and whatever, that women are responsive to that too?
Speaker 1:no, that's what I'm saying, but I can't explain why men do. That's why I'm single, that's why we keep going back and forth. I'm not gonna find a man. The charcuterie board is not helping either. Well, clearly, and that's why he got that text message. So here's another spin on it.
Speaker 1:I think that, coming from a place of being single, coming from a place of also not always feeling strong to advocate for myself or being able to locate the right words on how to stand up for myself, like when we have these conversations, you're like what in the world? Like text back blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like text that blah, blah, blah back right, and I'm like I don't know how to Block, delete whatever. But now, like I've been working on really responding, with Nicole's support, like responding. Do you think a majority of women out there like, yes, they go on social media and they say this is annoying, my DMs are filled with X, y and Z, but they're not actually standing up and advocating, advocating. Do you think that if women were able to really stand strong and taller and really voice their opinion on saying, like as this married woman, nicole, sitting here screaming in the microphone about it, if more women did that, less men would do it, or you think it wouldn't really matter anyway I would like to think so.
Speaker 2:I would like to think that if more women you know were actively texting, you know, with men, and men were saying things like that, and if they just said you know what? I actually I was enjoying this interaction with you, this conversation, but since it's taken a turn this way, I feel disrespected and, honestly, I'm going to end the conversation here. I really hope that, moving forward, you've learned something from this. Please don't contact me again and left it at that. Instead of just blocking, like I think that that more people, more men, would learn that if you want to continue to talk to strong women, then you should get your act together. Yeah, instead of men just being blocked and not knowing why or what they've done wrong. I think that that that I think that that would change the tide, maybe. I mean, I think I on.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give a little bit of credit to men. I think they know very much well that they should not be doing that. But I think they continue to do that because there's not enough women stopping it. And I think, like when I responded to that cheese guy I'm going to refer to him as a cheese guy Like when we texted that guy back about sending that picture and how inappropriate it was- he actually sent a really nice message back and apologized and said he didn't really mean it by anything.
Speaker 1:He just wanted to show me how he enjoyed his night.
Speaker 2:But like whatever, but I nice comeback. Are you cheese in your tub?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean at least I felt good, at least saying something to him, because in the past I wouldn't have said anything, I would have just blocked and moved on. Something to him, because in the past I wouldn't have said anything, I would have just blocked and moved on. And you know, even coming into, when I started, like going out and meeting people, what five years ago, four years ago, something five years ago like it was a crazy world like, with those people sending messages and asking for his pictures, sending like their junk pictures, and I'm like what, what do we live in? Like in my head, I live in the notebook world like I want. I want Noah, like where's Noah? Or where's where's Jack from? Um, never, let go, never let go Titanic yeah, like where are those guys?
Speaker 1:and they're just not out there, so they are?
Speaker 2:I think that see like I want to give the credit, I want to give the credit and I want to put a blank.
Speaker 1:The woman that wants to give the credits married to the same man, and meanwhile there is no. I have not encountered one decent man who's not married, who's not in a situation, who is not whatever hiding, who's not in a process of a divorce and hasn't clearly ended or had a communication with their spouse or whoever they are to say I'm ready to move on. There's none of that out there.
Speaker 2:I know, but I do. I believe it's somewhere. We haven't found it but I believe it's somewhere but we will find it. But I do believe it's out there and I don't want to put a blanket statement that every guy out there is trash and texting their junk and asking for feet pictures. So I don't want to get.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get into that we will.
Speaker 2:We will, but like I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't want to put a blanket out there, that every guy is out, there is trash, and but I just I want to put it out there that if you are a male listening to this and you fall in that category, that you are thinking that that is appropriate, that I can almost guarantee you that there isn't one woman that is waiting with their phone in their hand with bated breath saying I cannot wait till so, and so text me their junk, or I can't wait till they ask me to see my toes, like they're not waiting for that. So, like, get your act together. You know and like. And if you are a man who's looking to build upon something with someone like you, who's looking for something for the long haul, looking to build, you know, a beautiful relationship built on communication and love and respect for us trust, ask the questions, have the conversation. You know it doesn't have to be about pictures and feet and junk and bathtubs and craziness. Ask the questions, build the trust. You know like, have the conversations.
Speaker 1:Get on the phone, get off the text messages I mean you want, you want somebody to actually pick up the phone and call you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like pick it up, like you know, like pick up the phone. You know, I know that sometimes maybe I'm a little old school because I've been with the same guy forever and ever. Amen, but like pick up the phone. I remember falling in love with Terrence on the phone.
Speaker 1:But that's the thing I think our times have changed in social media. The platform of social media has changed access to other people. I've changed the inability or commitment that people are willing to do and have those hard conversations Like the easy way out is social media. Well, it's stupid. I agree it is stupid why I love sitting on my couch with my puppy, like it is what it is, and do I think that? Yes, maybe there are some good men out there? Yes, but I haven't come across a good single man, like a legit single man, like there's too many of the men out there on social media and there's too many women out there on social media talking about it too.
Speaker 1:You don't hear the positive things anymore. You know, actually, what I was going to tell you, what I, what I came across on social media was a younger. This woman had posted that a younger guy sent her a message in the DM and was like flirting with her or whatever, and she couldn't believe it because he was like probably 20 years younger than her and he put the emoji like that naughty the purple. You know that purple. Naughty the eggplant, that's the junk picture, the devil one, or whatever it is, I don't know what?
Speaker 1:that is naughty, it's purple, whatever. You guys know what I'm talking about. She doesn't do it because she's married. So, yeah, I know what you'm talking about. She doesn't do it because she's married. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Then the woman had said like, oh, now I know where the conversation is going, because now this woman knows that the eggplant is coming, the junk picture is coming. So instead she started talking about how it sucks to be old and she was talking about, ended up blocking her and moving on. I was like good for her, like she took some humor in it where I feel like some people can either decide on, I'm just gonna play along with it for the humor, or I'm gonna advocate for myself and say no, like I don't want this to happen.
Speaker 2:So, like in my opinion, and kudos to her because she did what felt good to her for her, and I love that. But like now he's just going to go send that stupid emoji to someone else, sure.
Speaker 1:I mean. But that's the thing, like I think that in times that you and I had conversations, as much as I've learned to advocate and say something back. Is it truly really helping to shape a man's behavior? I don't think so. Where's his mother, I mean? And there goes like. I'm raising a son and my son and I talk about what I would do to my son.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, if I ever found out that my son, as a grown man, was sending his junk. I mean, this is what I'm saying. I'm sorry, I apologize, but I just, I just feel like I, the world has gone sideways. I'm sorry, I just, I want, I, just I.
Speaker 1:If you guys could only be a part of some of the conversations where nicole is actually trying to be optimistic and there was a time I felt like I was optimistic. There was, and she still tries to keep me optimistic. But I do think that you know a lot of other single women out there feel the way that I feel yes, and I do feel like maybe there are some men that feel the same way in terms of finding women, but, um, I don't know where to go to find them like the real let me know, like let me know.
Speaker 2:Please tell me where the dm is open.
Speaker 1:I want to know. But there are actually women in social media that want to just go and meet up, like in a community, to be together, because, oh, and there's some places that are like okay, I have a brother, I have a nephew, I have a cousin, he's looking for this kind of like what we talked about the last time. Women are trying to do that because they don't even know where to go and the dating websites and things like that like are not legit.
Speaker 1:I guess, anymore and I, you know I did that like five years ago. It wasn't my thing and I just feel like once it gets into that talking and the social part of the text, and that's where it always leads Like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean I'd be curious, we both like I don't know, I don't know, but just don't send the picture. I'm curious to take a poll, like literally send us a message If you're a woman and you want to get that picture, like let me know. Like I'm curious. Or if you're a man and you and you want that picture and you want to build upon, like you want that to be your first interaction, okay, yeah, like I mean it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:I mean, and to clarify, there might be people already in a relationship who don't mind those pictures, except nicole does not, terrence does not want yours.
Speaker 2:I mean, okay, if he texted it to me, fine, okay, but it's not like. Oh my gosh, terrence just sent me a picture of his junk. I can't wait till he comes home.
Speaker 1:We are talking about the initiation process, of showing that you're interested in somebody, or maybe in the beginning phases of meeting somebody, like, just avoid it and if you're a man, avoid doing that. If you're a woman and you receive that, we want to know how are you handling that and if maybe women can come together to really do.
Speaker 2:I mean, can we just joke about it for a second? Is it really something that's sexy looking?
Speaker 1:No, it looks like that you know the dealership where it has that blow up. Like that was, like I'm like for real?
Speaker 2:Is it really something that's like sexy looking?
Speaker 1:No, thank you. Is it really something that's like sexy looking? No, thank you. I mean, I think it comes with. I think you can be attractive to it if you're like in love with the person and there's like that emotional thing.
Speaker 2:I think that you in a text message you open your phone, you're like oh no, I mean, listen, I've.
Speaker 1:I when I, when I got, I never had snapchat, like ever like. I don't even know when that came out, but when I started dating, at that time somebody asked me to download Snapchat. So I downloaded it. I had no idea how it works and he's a police officer, sent me his junk picture and I screenshotted. But I didn't realize that they get a notification. But I screenshotted because I went to probably send it to you or to michelle to be like like, I, like, look, I I dated my aj's dad for like 10 years and got married and then I was alone for eight years of my life and I've never interacted with any man for eight years. And all of a sudden I'm in this dating world with snapchat and it he got he's like you, took a picture of it and I'm like what, sorry, oh. And then he was like no, no, he's like it showed me, you screenshot it. And I was like embarrassed, thinking he thought I screenshot it because I liked it.
Speaker 2:I was like no no, no, I didn't like it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna make an eight by ten, so and sorry if you're listening, because I know he still follows me on social- media.
Speaker 2:So you know who you are as a police officer.
Speaker 1:It's an eight by ten, he added in my fridge like it's crazy and I just remember being in that place of like what what is this?
Speaker 2:what do I do with it? I, it's what I mean, that's what I'm saying, like I, I don't know. I just that kind of scared me off that's what I'm saying, like nobody wants it, like I don't want it. No, I hope that some guy hears this and is getting ready to like send it and is like oh wait a minute, let me think twice. Maybe we should make bumper stickers like nobody with the car thing like nobody wants to see your junk like how about you just text how was your day?
Speaker 1:yeah, and you know, I think, as women too, like having those conversations, like with our children, is important as well, like on another level because that is serious. I did have, you know, conversations with Andrew about what's appropriate to send and what's appropriate to keep on your phone, and you know, just to be a little proactive, and then also through some experiences of certain things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that goes without saying. We're talking about grown adults who are dating and things like that. It goes without saying Our children are a degeneration of what's coming up next.
Speaker 1:And if this is the example that people are, you know, setting or doing, not saying, I hope men are not showing their kids what they're doing.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:But I still think look at the world of the majority of men. They're grown adults thinking that this is appropriate behavior Like this is not appropriate behavior. Like you will not meet your future, like wife or or significant others, like you said, sitting at a dinner table and saying I met my you know my person, like this by sending my junk picture. But like, when are we going to grow up as adults? I mean and there might be some women out there doing some.
Speaker 1:I mean, listen, I see some women on social media, sending like what they do and how they, you know, posture themselves are. It's also crazy.
Speaker 1:So I just think that, looking in the future for our generation, what are you doing today to kind of prevent that? Or what are you doing to model for your children what that should look like? And I think, like being a single mother and modeling that for my son and looking for certain people to come into my life is important and my son will not be meeting somebody that just says, hey, I'm interested, here's my junk picture, right like I remember, like back in the day when they had like glamour shots for women.
Speaker 2:My son will not be meeting somebody that just says hey, I'm interested in you. Here's my junk picture, right? Well, I remember like back in the day when they had like glamour shots for women and like we thought that was like the sexiest thing you could send someone. It was a picture of like a woman all jazzed up and it was like you, just like your shoulder was sexy, Like that was it. And now we're at a point where, like, am I going to send you a picture of my vagina? That's crazy town.
Speaker 1:I mean just to you know, before we close, like to also look at the accountability part is like when you look at social media, there's not a whole lot of like accountability because people can get away with so many things and like Snapchat's a perfect example, you know, a man can take a picture of it and then it disappears I think, in like 24 hours or something like that. What are we?
Speaker 2:teaching our kids yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I just think that check yourself before you send that junk picture. Yeah, know your audience like yeah, I think sometimes it's insulting that somebody would, you know, think that. Or like I'll post a picture like a regular picture at the beach. Or you know, when we were in mexico and somebody zooming in looking at my feet like who does that? Somebody who has a thing with feet, I mean like I mean, I don't know I can get paid showing people my feet yeah, I mean, I guess I guess it's mind-boggling what's out there?
Speaker 2:don't ask for that like that's not respectful and that's and that's the thing too like we live in a world where you're asking something like that, you're sending something like that. Just pause for a second and think to yourself. How do I feel right now, fast forward 10 years, if somebody was asking this or sending this to my daughter. You know what I mean. Can I just pause for a second? That was a long sigh, sorry, right fast forward. And the way I'm behaving in this moment, if someone was behaving this way to my daughter, how would I feel? Think about it, pause and challenge what you're doing and let that be where you keep it.
Speaker 1:You should put that on a bumper sticker for those married men that are acting like they're not married, or the men in this situation that have those hard conversations Like they have children, nieces or whoever. Like would you want that to happen? I just don't think that people are in a world to really reflect on that, and that's a shame.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that let this podcast be the catalyst. We're sending it out to all you men Get ready Like if you're a woman listening to this right now, give it to your male friend who you know is sending dick pics around like give it to them and let them know, like, how do they feel in the future, because I can guarantee you that there aren't many women out there who are waiting for that picture yeah, just saying definitely not us all right.
Speaker 2:So we hope the car, we hope, and it's just not good looking. I'm sorry, not you, you've seen one, you've seen them all. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, um, so I hope we brought you some humor today, some a little bit, some a little levity to wish me luck, wish me luck, guys wish tracy, some luck with the guy in the bathtub with the cheese. I still don't understand and he's out.
Speaker 1:He's out like why?
Speaker 2:why would you do that? But, um, we just wanted to bring you some fun, bring you some. This is what we talk about like literally all the time, because Tracy's getting some crazy text messages that we go through. She monitors them. It's a lot of fun, because we're just waiting for that one guy to come in and say like, hey, how are you?
Speaker 1:Like we're just waiting for the hey, how are you? And then we're like, yes, there we go. Let's hey, how are you?
Speaker 2:and then we're like yes, yeah, like let's just have a good conversation. Or what are you doing saturday?
Speaker 1:like let's just go for coffee and not follow that by a drunk picture I mean, I had a date the other night and he didn't that's true anything inappropriate, that's true I know.
Speaker 2:So it was good. It was good, so we're to be continued there. We go guys well, thank you guys for hanging out with us. We will see you guys next time. Yes, thank you. I promise it won't be about junk. Maybe it will maybe it will bye guys, bye guys.
