Fuel For Thought
Join hosts Tracy Elizabeth and Nicole Heller on Fuel For Thought, the empowering podcast designed to help women unleash a healthier lifestyle. With their expert insights and unwavering dedication, Tracy and Nicole delve into the challenges faced by women in achieving optimal health and provide actionable strategies to overcome them. From debunking myths about nutrition to exploring the latest fitness trends, they leave no stone unturned in their quest to fuel your body, mind, and soul.
Each episode of Fuel For Thought offers a wealth of practical advice, inspiring stories, and interviews with leading experts in the health and wellness field. Tracy and Nicole bring their unique perspectives and personal journeys, making every discussion relatable and authentic. Whether you're struggling with emotional eating, searching for sustainable weight loss techniques, or seeking to boost your overall well-being, this podcast serves as your go-to resource for transformation.
Through lively conversations, evidence-based research, and practical tips, Fuel For Thought will equip you with the knowledge and tools needed to make informed decisions about your health. Uncover the secrets to maintaining a balanced diet, discover effective workout routines, and learn how to build a positive relationship with food. Fuel For Thought embraces the mantra of relentlessly overcoming obstacles to achieve your desired results.
Tune in to Fuel For Thought and join Tracy Elizabeth and Nicole Heller as they inspire, motivate, and empower women to take charge of their health, harness their inner strength, and unlock their true potential. Subscribe now to embark on a journey towards a healthier, happier you!
Fuel For Thought
Navigating Grief and Honoring The Legacy of Nicole Heller
When life delivers its most devastating blows, we face a critical choice: remain stuck in grief or transform pain into purpose. Tracy Elizabeth returns to the studio without her best friend and co-host Nicole Heller, who unexpectedly passed away just before season three was set to begin. What follows is not just a tribute, but a masterclass in honoring someone's legacy through action.
"She has always been relentless," Tracy reveals about Nicole, whose journey from prioritizing everyone else's needs to becoming "the dominant force in her life" fundamentally shaped the podcast's mission of empowering women. Despite initially declining to join Tracy on this podcasting adventure, Nicole eventually embraced the platform as a way to share their parallel journeys of transformation—physical, mental, and spiritual.
Producer Rob joins Tracy at the table, sharing heartfelt observations about Nicole's outsized impact. "I can literally hear her voice answering questions that you're discussing right now," he says, highlighting how Nicole's distinctive Staten Island accent and Christmas-loving spirit created an unforgettable presence both in and out of the studio. Most touching are the stories of Nicole's profound love for her family, who were "the centerpiece of her life" in every decision she made.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when discussing grief itself. Tracy and Rob explore how people process loss differently and the importance of not projecting our own grieving styles onto others. This leads to a profound reframing: rather than lamenting "having to share" someone we love with others, we can appreciate that we "get to share" them—celebrating how their impact rippled outward.
Looking forward, Tracy commits to honoring Nicole through daily acts of kindness for strangers—the "1% better" approach they discussed together. Season three of Fuel for Thought will continue with tributes and a renewed dedication to their shared mission, ensuring Nicole's voice remains powerful even in her absence.
What legacy would you leave behind? How might your voice continue to echo after you're gone? Join us as we explore these profound questions and celebrate a remarkable woman who showed us how to be relentless in pursuit of our best selves while lifting others along the way.
Follow our journey on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fuel_for_thought_podcast/
Welcome to Fuel for Thought, Empowering Women to Live Healthier Lifestyles. I'm Tracy Elizabeth and I am back for our first episode of season three Probably one let me correct myself definitely one. That is very hard for me to do, but today I needed to come in and share with you that, unfortunately, Nicole Heller passed away a few weeks ago, shortly after when we were supposed to come back in this studio for season three. And I'm here. It's actually one of my worst fears was to do a podcast alone, but today, fortunately, I'm not alone. I have our producer, Rob, here. He's came to hang out with me today.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone.
Speaker 1:And I asked him to join the table because I wanted to be able to come back and share a little bit about what's going on, and I'm grieving and I'm trying to figure things out, since I lost my first and foremost, my best friend, a woman that wore many hats in my life and in my son's life, as well as so many others lives, and I just wanted to talk it through and give our listeners an opportunity to know what's going on and maybe talk about what Fuel for Thought is going to be moving into as we work through these difficult moving parts.
Speaker 2:So Rob, help me. Well, first, it's weird being on this end of the microphone. Normally I'm sitting back there and watching two of the most intelligent, funniest people in the world do their thing in their element, and this is definitely unfamiliar territory. And, yeah, I know it's strange for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. And it's weird for me to not seeing Nicole here. Yeah, you know and so, but it's nice to be able to sit down with you and honor her by just sort of talking about it a little bit, remembering all the crazy funny things that happened in the studio. You know a lot of the things happened that a lot of people got to hear and see, but there were things when the camera was not rolling and some of that is honestly some of the funniest, realest, you know, I don't know most valuable moments for me. So seeing you guys banter in between that stuff was amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you know, even from the first episode of walking into the studio, you got to see the real side of both myself and Nicole. And just backtracking and thinking about when I brought this idea of Fuel for Thought oh, actually at that time it wasn't Fuel for Thought, but just the concept of a dream that I had was to do a podcast, with no true meaning behind it, just the feeling inside that I found a voice. I love talking and I just want to talk. I didn't have content but I just want to come and talk. And Nicole thought I was crazy and declined any idea of joining this podcast idea with me. And I came, I met with Rob. We talked about you know the steps to do it and fear kicked in and I didn't pass that ball back to Rob.
Speaker 1:Right, and it was like two years later Nicole and I sat down and we were talking about just doing something different and being able to use our voice and having a platform to empower women, and that we both grew through this process and finding a newer voice for ourselves, but also appreciating the feedback we were getting from our listeners and the encouragement that they felt on their way to work or in a moment of, you know, stressful times where they felt like they were ready to scream and knowing that, oh, few for thought, you're allowed to scream.
Speaker 1:It's okay, like that's a process, but it's just an incredible experience. But unfortunately I'm scared, you know, coming back to the studio and here I am and I'm like, what do I do by myself? But I do know in my heart that Nicole would want few for thought to continue. My heart, that Nicole would want Fuel for Thought to continue, and living her legacy on is a mission for me because it is something that her and I had always talked about, that, god forbid, if something were to happen, our voices will still be here and that's by far the most important thing that I feel like I'm ready to accomplish or start to try.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and to be brave. You know that was a theme that you guys would constantly roll back to in a lot of your episodes. That, just like the woman empowerment was about getting people to a place where they could be brave. Right, that confidence leads to being brave in moments. You know, because you, you know your, your story and you guys shared a very similar story. It has a lot to do with being brave, because there's lots of insecurities that you've already shared on you. I'm not sharing anything new, like I know you guys shared it a lot with your show and you know that's what she was all about.
Speaker 2:She was about, you know, being brave, having confidence, empowering other women to do the same thing, because she genuinely wanted people to experience that same amazing sort of um I don't know experience again, I'm using the word again feeling that she had. You know she didn't want to lock it up. It wasn't like um, I had something amazing. I'm locking up, like like fort knox, that was not her, it was. I found something that worked. I found something that maybe saved. You know my journey at that time you and her together and uh, and she was like I want everyone to know about this stuff and and you guys didn't hold back. But yeah, that's why, for me, I I don't, if I don't know if it's okay that I could say this here, absolutely it is table it's open table.
Speaker 2:But you know for me where it is so weird that you walked in here without her, because for for years, once or twice a month, you guys would come in here ball of energy, and it was really really strange. But sitting down with you right now I'm going to be perfectly honest I hear her voice so much that, as we're talking, I can hear her talking actually. Is it right? Is that weird? I'm not even. This is just like an honest moment. I'm literally sitting with you. We're talking about this. I can hear her voice in different moments answering certain questions and her, like I gotta be honest, she was some like loud and sometimes had this like very boisterous thing.
Speaker 2:And her, her accent oh my, no one had a staten island accent, like she wasn't even from Staten Island and she wasn't even I was convinced when I first met her and she was like no, I'm not from there, I'm like it's amazing, but it's incredible, so it's weird not having her sit right here.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:But because her personality was just big and bold and amazing and she was brave with telling that story. I can literally hear her her voice answering questions that you're like discussing right now.
Speaker 1:It's incredible.
Speaker 2:I'm wondering if other people sort of feel that.
Speaker 1:I think so. A lot of the feedback that I'm getting is they're feeling and seeing Nicole everywhere, and I, you know, talked a little bit about it when she was in the hospital, literally fighting for her life, and we would just say, like I would tell her your voice is stronger now, like you're not silenced as we're waiting for her to wake up. And she appeared to be quiet because she wasn't moving her hands and talking. Her voice was loud because people were talking about her bravery and talking about her being courageous, but not just talking about her actions. They were actually acting on it for themselves. Like they declared a better health day that day. They declared to use their voice that day our private Facebook community page of all of our clients were actively on that page like using their voice, making videos something that you heard her come in here scream about many times, like why aren't they doing X, y and Z?
Speaker 2:Are we allowed to be honest about some of those?
Speaker 1:moments.
Speaker 2:That was a yes, she would come in here. Now she was a kind person, right, you could tell like she was very kind, she was very loving, but when you ruffled her feathers, the Nicole that you saw honestly was like I felt like it was like almost like the best version. I get to see the best version of her because it was very emotional in those moments and it was entertaining to watch her sort of like like, sort of like decompress a little bit before we'd go live and and she would like get all the raw emotions out. But I don't know many people, though, that are as real with her emotions, like that um, and so it was kind of refreshing to see. And you know something I want to sort of ask you, because I I knew her here.
Speaker 2:This is the world that I knew nicole, and I got to hear a lot of her personal stories here. You know something I want to sort of ask you, because I I knew her here. This is the world that I knew Nicole, and I got to hear a lot of her personal stories here. Some really emotional moments we've had in the studio here, some funny moments, but like this is the only world I really knew her in and you knew her like really, really well and, um, you know something that man, I've told my wife this I shared with friends, but like, even just moments of personal reflection, like, and I I know I'll let everyone has done this before, but like you're by yourself and you think all right when you're at the end of your life, will the legacy, the footprint that I leave on this world result in people talking positively about what I've done, negatively about what I've done or not at all, like my done or not at all, like my biggest fear, like not at all.
Speaker 2:And you know, in the short time that Nicole was here and hearing so many amazing things from you and seeing your posts and even seeing the post from her husband, it's amazing how impactful she was already, you know. And so that, like incredible person I got to see here, I got to see in, like really, how far of reaching her influences was through, like through your post and like the things that you, like you talk about her a lot. I know you love her, right, um, but it's amazing how influential she's been over so many people. Yeah, you know. And something that I kind of want and I want to learn a little bit more because, again, this was my only world is how is it that Nicole has been making? I don't know, how does she make such a positive impact on so many people where this happened? And, number one, it feels like it disrupted a lot of people a little bit.
Speaker 2:Right, let's just tell the truth it disrupted a lot of people and so many people have thoughts about this and so many people are I know you were telling me how that's telling you like they're just crying, they can't stop crying over this Right and like what was it about Nicole that just made people, so many people turn out and just want to talk about her? And you know, I know, listen, she got the. Can I say Optivia?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:She's got the Optivia world and I know there's hundreds of thousands Optivia.
Speaker 1:That's how she would say it, right right, and so you got that whole.
Speaker 2:Thousands and thousands of people, but it's so far. It's like further reaching than that. No-transcript. You know, everyone's just coming out of the woodworks here with these stories Like what was it about her?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, one word is relentless. I think that she has always been relentless. And even before Optivia, she was relentless to serve others, she was relentless to offer and give anybody anything that they needed and but more importantly, I think, she was always relentless within herself of wanting more for herself and for her family, but putting people first was her.
Speaker 1:What she would say at one point was a disservice for her own health. But she learns through Optivia to turn that into her superpower. Like I, can still do good and serve other people, but I can also learn how to become the dominant force in my life. And through her bravery and through her insecurities she learns how to work through them by talking to people honestly and humbly. And I think that she's a reader right, we talked about that. I'm not a reader.
Speaker 1:But a lot of self-growth, a lot of inward work came with the physical journey of losing weight yeah and she was relentless with wanting to learn more, to do more for herself and and originally for her clients, because she always felt that heavy responsibility that if I'm going to help somebody, I have have to show them how this works. But it then evolved to wait a second, it's not just about my clients. Opti-v is not just about my business. This is about my children. This is about my husband. These are it's about the life decisions that I'm making every single day. And then it became so much more that it felt so amazing that she could not keep that to herself. And in order for her to reach more people, she had to find ways to be more bold and more brave and show people that this isn't like most people. Look at her. Think that she's so organically well spoken when she really wasn't like. She hated public speaking. She did not want to come on to this podcast. She like she wasn't a natural at all.
Speaker 2:No, she hated. I do on because she seems like she's public speaking. She did not want to come onto this podcast. She hated it Like she wasn't a natural at all.
Speaker 1:No, she hated, I do on the spot.
Speaker 2:Because she seems like she's a natural. I got to be honest.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and you know she would not want to do live, she would not want to do on the spot Zooms. It was actually going to be one of the things we last spoke about. We were doing vision board trainings and we were going to put together a new vision board for her.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:And one of them was to consistently do lives on social media.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, because she, so she was still challenging herself. Yeah, oh okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you reach more people and you develop a legacy when you cast that vision and you start to manifest that vision through action. And that was yeah, action, action. Remember, we did the action action.
Speaker 2:That got her in my head ACT. Yeah, was that the movie that you tried out?
Speaker 1:for Beaches, beaches.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it just came up on I remember that episode you guys talking about and she was like wait a minute, you were, you auditioned for Beaches.
Speaker 1:Yes, and let me so, and this is the other thing I want to capitalize on when people, you know judgment.
Speaker 1:People might say, you know it's too quick for me to be here and or maybe she's too happy. She's too happy she's not grieving Like I'm, grieving Like I lost. I think you know, when I think of Nicole, I lost like a mother figure. I lost a sister, I lost a friend, I lost a health coach, I lost a business partner, I lost a podcast partner and it hurts, but the only way that I can live through this moment and live through the moments I have each day because it's not a day that goes by. Honestly, it's not like every two minutes.
Speaker 1:She's in my head because that's how much she was a part of my life, even to the post that came up yesterday of the memory of beaches, and I'm like and I showed AJ, I'm like AJ, I was like no-transcript gratitude to go back to what you said, because her and I had talked about that word legacy and we talked about are we going to be that woman in that mom and for her, that wife, me, that single mom sitting on the couch with the dog, that if something God forbid happened to us, that it would be like two days of people remembering us and then life will go on and nobody would remember, or the loved ones that love you, remember you but don't truly honor you because you didn't leave that last impression, that last impression, and to think that in this short six years of her Optivia journey because that's truly when her life started to change physically that encouraged her to work on that mental piece the last four years, there was breakthrough, where it became.
Speaker 1:I'm setting this goal for a physical weight loss goal, but I'm also going to push myself to mental challenges and healing, grieving in areas of her life that you know she wanted to talk about it and she probably talked about it with you know people and she did that. She, she really truly did that, did the hard work and continue to do the hard work and had the conversations with some of the people that she needed to have those conversations with. And then up until this last year I mean the incredible things and even thinking back three years ago she stood in front of 15,000 people and spoke at an Optivia convention at her ultra BMI weight, in this beautiful royal blue A-line skirt, tucked in white shirt, looking incredibly amazing and praying and worshiping over Britney Spears before walking out to give her some, like you know calmness because she was petrified.
Speaker 2:By the way, I forgot, she was a big fan of Britney Spears, that's right, yeah, and Biggie, and Biggie. Did she have like a Britney Spears shirt?
Speaker 1:She did Angela, who was on here in and one of the seasons for her okay, that's right. I very interesting, she went out and danced into a biggie instrumental uh to um oh, that day.
Speaker 2:Optivia convention, that's amazing, played that for her and really people would judge her.
Speaker 1:for you know, biggie, but she, she needed it. She's always real like that. But looking at even that aspect of accomplishing something like that, she prepared for it, she practiced, she wrote her speech through her heart, she presented it on right here, on remembering your, why, your purpose? Because that is the purpose for few, for thought, knowing that in this moment I could easily give up on this mission because it hurts and I don't have her and I'm scared like I love talking, but I don't want to talk by myself like half the time we can just come in and talk back and forth and it was beautiful and it's scary.
Speaker 1:But going to that, going back to that word legacy, this is what we wanted yeah and her voice is here, her videos are here and her legacy will continue and it's not going to be a short impact. It's going to be a lifelong impact of things.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what this is going to come out yeah, I think proof that you guys were impacting people positively is the response that you have now. That, oftentimes, is what happens. You have a you know, something tragic happens and then the truth really surfaces, right, and and all of a sudden we've got tragedy, and then the truth surfaced and it was beautiful actually. Yeah, you know, um, something that you said earlier and you were about grieving. You were talking about you talking about grieving and how you're grieving, and maybe people might look at how someone was grieving differently, right?
Speaker 2:Something that I've learned we've talked about this a little bit, but I wanna share it here is that people have a tendency to project how they grieve on others, and when they don't see others grieving in the same way, they feel like, oh well, then that person's not genuine and it's almost not fair, because grieving takes a lot of different forms and because when you grieve, it's a hard moment that's forcing you to grieve and that emotional tragedy. You know, people need to go through that natural process of healing, and some people heal quickly. Some people take a long time to heal. Some people need to cry a lot Like my wife is a crier, by the way, like so my wife cries a lot, and for me, though I have, I don't cry actually, like I just am not. I don't, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1:Do you feel guilty? I?
Speaker 2:do? I do because, but I've learned to understand it and my explanation is that is that my emotions don't manifest themselves with crying, right, and I am internalizing a lot of my emotions. It's not because I'm not emotional, it's because I just don't manifest it in that way. And and I've come to understand in those moments and I try to explain it, like Kristen will say, in moments like how, why are you not crying? Like let's just say it's not a tragic thing, but it's a happy, happy tear, and my, my wife is like you know how come you're not crying? And I explained it to her in that way.
Speaker 2:But because people grieve or cry or whatever, just you know, express themselves a lot differently. Some people laugh, actually, and that comes across as maybe you know, yeah, they find humor, but some people who you know, find that tragedy and need to cry. They see people laughing and they're offended by it. And you know, there's two things about that. Number one, understanding the offense. Actually I'd be like I get it, I know why you're offended by this, but then, at the same time, I think it's important for us to all understand that in this case, so many people love Nicole and they're going to have to work through this differently, because she was taken away from us way too early and we weren't able to adjust to this.
Speaker 2:This came quickly. So I think you know whether it be friends, family, I think there's going to come a time where everyone's going to hit that, that that moment is going to hit and just respect that. You know people are going to grieve differently, and you know. And then if I man and this is a tough thing I'm about to do, but if I can be so bold, like her kids and her husband, nicole didn't talk about a group of people more than her kids and her husband, and-.
Speaker 1:A lot of apologies to Terrence. Sorry, terrence, I actually want to go back to the footage and see how many we have. That, oh my goodness Sorry.
Speaker 2:And you know what? Terrence is only someone I met a couple of times, right Her kids. I don't other than her. I think I met her son, you know, ryan.
Speaker 2:Yes, Ryan, I met Ryan exactly, but I, I didn't meet her girls, you know. So you don't know me right, and in that case I don't know you. But your mom spoke about you guys every single time that she was here, whether it be prior to us going live, talking about certain situations, after or during the show you were the centerpiece of her life and because of that I feel like I got to understand a little bit. And so I want, like, just from my perspective, it's okay, I want you to know, and you guys already know this but your mother loved you guys, I think more than anything, and every single decision that she made revolved around her children. Everything, what she talked about, where she went, what she was involved with, it was about her kids and as far as her husband, she had a massive crush on her husband, oh my goodness. And there were a lot of parallels, because my wife and I we got together, we started to get dating in 1998. And she would talk about their story and I'm like it's like very their story and I'm like it's like very similar, it's very, it's like same time period. We had like very similar way of getting together, whatnot. And so when she would talk about their relationship and I'd be sitting there doing my thing. It would like touch home a little bit and I'm like, oh, relatable thing right there, like I got my high school sweetheart. You guys got your thing going as well. So you know her family, you guys, were the most important thing in her entire life and there was nothing that she did that didn't involve positively impacting her family.
Speaker 2:I really believe that she did even the show for her family. She would talk about all the time like I hope my kids can listen to this. When you know, when we're older, she was, you know, when we're older, she was, you know, when they're married or later on, you know. And she would reference these moments because she was trying to make sure she captured as much in here and in here so that it lived on forever. And I, you know it's impossible, we don't have crystal balls, we don't know about the future, but it's almost as though she did. It's wild, it's wild, but it's almost as though she did. It's crazy. I get chills thinking about it. It's wild, it's wild. And she just like, like a fire hydrant, just gave golden nuggets, golden nuggets, golden nuggets. It was incredible.
Speaker 2:So, like to her family, you know. Sorry, I never really got to meet you guys, but through your mom I really got to learn a lot about you guys and you know and it's hard and you guys are going to grieve the way you do I want you to know that in this world. From the perspective of someone who never met you but knew nicole, the one thing I knew about her is you guys were the most important thing in her entire life and I have a feeling that she treated relationships that way, right, like you're the most important person, like I know, like she loved your son. Let's just I don't know if well, actually we've talked about your son on the show before right um.
Speaker 2:I know your son she wasn't one with his faith. Yeah, and I know your son is really broken over this moment she sent him sneakers so he can always look the part so everything made me feel like I was terrible, like when he took cross country.
Speaker 1:She was like tracy, he needs sneakers and I'm like he has sneakers. She was like no, no, no, no, I know I forgot what they're called um. What are those popular running sneakers?
Speaker 2:kids, no, no, oh, I don't know your wife bought them for for brayden?
Speaker 1:yeah, I have no idea man, I forgot the name on. If you're listening, I would call them running sneakers.
Speaker 2:I don't know that's how disconnected I am. I can't think of the name of it. If you're listening, drop it in the comments. I would call them running sneakers. I don't know that's how disconnected I am from all this stuff.
Speaker 1:I can't think of the name of it, but they're expensive running sneakers.
Speaker 2:Oh, this stuff is crazy. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:So she Amazoned them Is that right. She never missed a beat for anything.
Speaker 2:For anyone she was like. You know it's always. You know you ever see someone outside of the element you're used to You're like wait a minute, I know you. Why are you here, though we don't normally see each other here and I'm like holy cow. That's how much you love AJ, Like the whole crew came.
Speaker 1:Like her husband person that she loves and sometimes it was it was a great benefit for her, and then other times it wasn't, and she was like learning how to navigate, like some of those areas.
Speaker 1:But I think, when I, for myself, when I look at outside of all the things I know I got to do for her and the things that her and I had spoke about, the one thing I know is I got to challenge myself in areas that she knew were like not my strength, and one of them was not always being nice to that stranger online next to me and and I think about that all the time because, as I know, like she would do amazing things for me and amazing things for AJ, right, because she, because she, loves us. But I think about the times that she would go out of her way and intentionally do something for somebody that not that she didn't love, but somebody she didn't know. And I'm like I don't do that in my life and her and I talked about that. We talked about like grieving too. We talked about like I'm messed up.
Speaker 1:I'm like you, rob, like I don't cry, like I cry in my moments yeah but like I'm not crying every second of the day because I'm like let's go, I gotta, I gotta get it done. And she was that way too. But I would say to her am I that cold like, am I that like crazy? She was like no, you're not this is the way that you process it or whatever.
Speaker 1:But then I'm like, okay, I'm not nice, I'm not sending people a thank you card like you. Like I'll have thank you cards and gifts in my car, but I'll never go to the post office and mail it. And she's like there's something wrong with you. Just go to the post office and mail her forward and the things that she did. It's I'm gonna be nice. So actually, aj, I have a group text with two of her girlfriends and aj, not aj's girlfriends, k and nicole's friends, okay and um, every morning we say, okay, one percent better today. And then somebody would jump in and say 0.5 better today for them and I'm like, no, no, I'm on, one percent better every day and the one percent better since she passed is doing one kind thing for somebody that I don't know every day.
Speaker 1:And aj, or and also I'll add on maybe something I don't want to do, that's so nice for somebody that I'm not so happy with. I still got to do.
Speaker 2:That's a tough one.
Speaker 1:That is freaking tough one, yeah and I'm like I'll even turn to aj and go all right, aj, you know I'm not gonna. I don't turn to AJ and go. All right, aj, you know I'm not going to. I don't want to do this, but I'm going to. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1:And she's like all right, and I even made a promise to Nicole's daughter, Catherine, that I'm going to be nice. So there's that. The accountability is set. Because that's what Nicole was about Accountability. Say it. Let the people that love you hold you accountable. So I got her daughter and my son accountable for me to be nice.
Speaker 2:Like it sounds crazy, but I'm going to be nice. Are you going to let them call you out on those moments?
Speaker 1:They will, they sure will. And also to find that 1% better to do for somebody else. And I think that when we channel into, when we do actually lose somebody and one of the things that Nicole and I talked about and what Optivia taught us is that you have the choice to stay in that victim mindset, and her and I were very stuck in a victim mindset for so many years and we didn't have a vision, a tool, a resource, accountability, partner to get us out of it.
Speaker 1:Which is why we were so physically unhealthy and mentally healthy get us out of it, which is why we were so physically unhealthy and mentally healthy when Opti-V unlocked that for us and we learned that we can be in the empowerment realm, like we can choose to empower ourselves through action and move out of the victim mindset mode. Because it's natural we're human, we're going to fall in that victim mindset mode. But when somebody dies you can stay stuck in that victim mindset mode for a number of reasons, because it's not even just about grief, it's about sometimes ego, it's about maybe guilt that you feel that relationship that you thought you had or you didn't have or you know you didn't have conversation like my last conversation verbally with nicole wasn't the best conversation we had, like you know, like our relationship was fine, but it was like an, a stressful conversation of life and you kind of wish it was the hollywood scripted moment.
Speaker 2:But you know exactly, it's not always like that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I am grateful that I got on the phone and facetimed her that morning and it wasn't a normal coffee kind of conversation but I got to see her like. But I also love the fact that, knowing that there's no doubt in my love, in my relationship with her and where we both stood in each other's lives yeah and I think that when you're feeling a certain way, you can stay stuck in this place and say like I could stay stuck.
Speaker 1:I lost my best friend, I lost my business partner, I don't want to do this business, I don't want to do this podcast anymore my son lost the person that, if Scott forbid something happened to me, he goes to her. Now he's upset, he's like who? Who gets me mom?
Speaker 2:Now you're down the rabbit hole and yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I'm just here, then you know a mess and I just want to take season three because I think I need to take a breath and I need to stay in a place of where I am right now, and the best place I want to be is to honor her and tribute.
Speaker 1:You know, all the amazing things that she has given to me, but also how she poured into our listeners and our community of Optivia, but also her family. There's so many things that her family didn't get the opportunity to hear through season one and season two. And I'm here. I came, I asked for help which isn't typically a thing that I do Rob to help me, because I really want to honor her in a way that she remains honored throughout our Fuel for Thought podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's a great idea actually.
Speaker 1:I try Once in a while, but you know it's her channeling in my hearing aids. She's still telling me what to do.
Speaker 2:Oh, we can have a whole episode about the banter between you guys about your hearing aids, by the way. But yeah, I think that's really special. Can I just tell you that?
Speaker 1:she was supposed to put a gofundme account from hearing aids for me are you serious? Going to if we didn't. We talked about it in arizona okay, I have an aunt billy, who has these hearing aids from costco and she was like they're 900. I'm like I am not spending 900 on hearing aids. I have to pay for my son's school. I got this, I got that and she's like what, do a gofundme account?
Speaker 1:I'm like you will not do a gofundme account and then, because I said that, she's like oh, I'll do a gofundme account.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's really funny anyway, sorry, go ahead no, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 2:Um, uh, no, I just wanted to sort of uh, you know, share one thing and and I and I hope that you spend some time in the future talking about this on future episodes, because there's a lot here is I just want to share, like some things that I know. Nicole for right, we touched on some things already but like another big thing is her obsession with christmas. Um, this, she would come in here decked out in christmas, in like august, and I'm like nicole, you're a little early, she goes early. I do this year round the.
Speaker 1:The last episode we recorded, remember she came in a Christmas shirt and we miscommunicated. She didn't respond to my text. I was coming with the Christmas tree and all the things because we had such a bad day.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And she had a Christmas shirt on.
Speaker 2:So she actually empowered me. I know this is about empowering women, hopefully it's okay that you empowered me. She empowered me to be bold in wearing christmas stuff outside of the christmas season and I actually like, over the past year I've done that. I ever, never, I'll slip on like christmas socks or like a shirt of a christmas and I'm like, why not? Why is it just a december thing? I'm like, if it makes me feel good, it brings me joy, heck, heck, I'm doing it and I'm like, thank you, nicole, and a sad thing, but this is like a personal thing. I didn't even tell you. This is when you called me and you told me what happened and I had a private emotional moment and when I digested it it really hit home a little bit.
Speaker 2:And I remember the next day I had to take my kids to an athletic practice. I had to run a whole practice and and she was just on my mind and what you were like, I just couldn't process it. It was like it was really just at the forefront. I couldn't get away from it and I'm like I'm putting christmas socks on and I did so. I put christmas socks on with our practice uniform and I go there and all, all the kids on the team can see I'm wearing christmas stuff and they all start making fun of me. Right? Because you know it's not right, it's not christmas right now yeah, right now we're in, like it was like late january now it's
Speaker 2:early february, whatever, and and I'm like you know so they're all making fun of me and so I took as an opportunity to tell them why and who she was and and I gotta be honest, it felt kind of good, you know, and like before anyone gets on me like, and I get it, like I don't know nicole like you, but I don't think that people necessarily have to know her as well as you and her kids to be impacted by her.
Speaker 2:And and I think I'm a good example of that like I had a little world where I get to. I got to meet nicole and it was amazing and I'm realizing in that moment where I put on those christmas socks, I'm like you had an impact over me and I was so proud when the kids started to ask me about it. I'm like I'm telling you about nicole and I told them all about her you know, and it was awesome effect of that, of you sharing that with these young girls and get them getting to know who this woman was that got you inspired to put Christmas socks on.
Speaker 2:Christmas socks. Yeah, exactly, and maybe next year I start putting those little baby Jesuses all over my house, like she did. We got plans.
Speaker 1:We got plans. I mean, in truth, be told I, when I scheduled some time to talk to Rob, I wasn't sure, like, what we would be doing today.
Speaker 1:I didn't know. I didn't know I'm you know I'm always just kind of casual, but I'm like really here I'm actually in a sweater for her because I needed some inspiration to like. You know, I got my angel full of love sweater on that. Somebody had bought me Shout out to Kathy to give me something to wear to feel comfortable and encouraged, and I didn't know if we would be coming in talking about anything. I just I honestly I wanted to be respectful to Nicole and Nicole's family on like how to proceed, because you know, I think I'm very like, careful looking at there's so many moving parts to Nicole and so many people loved her and I want to honor her the best way that I can. And I also know that we live in a world like, like you said before, we, nicole and I, will walk in here screaming a lot, screaming a lot, right like what do?
Speaker 1:we got to do for listeners? What but? But it always came down to integrity. Like we know what we could talk about, like we have a couple of episodes that never launched because we were uncomfortable with who would see that?
Speaker 2:yes, are they going to be like like the tupac hidden vault, uh, things that are going to be released one day? Yeah, is that what it is, because we do have a hidden vault.
Speaker 1:She will haunt us.
Speaker 2:I think we have to keep that under lock and key. We have to keep it under lock.
Speaker 1:I actually told her daughter. Her daughter asked about one of them and I was like, well, maybe when you're 18 I can talk to Rob. And then she's like, well, Sean's 18. Can he listen to it? And I'm like, no, no, maybe not.
Speaker 2:But I think that's going to be a dad call. Now, at this point, dad gets to make a call but, like you know, really just he's going to blush, by the way that I don't want to reveal too much, but even you're going to blush a little bit, buddy, I know, I know it's it's, it's crazy, but just to think about like all of all of the things that you know are coming into play right now.
Speaker 1:so I I didn't know, like coming here, what today would look like, but I do think that I know that she would want voices to still be heard and people to still be seen and understood and, like I was saying, coming in and thinking about like on the hard death that is so tragic, is giving people the opportunity to listen to this podcast and didn't even know it existed right um facebook. People are like on facebook that I've never seen before.
Speaker 1:Like the algorithm is like insane and and it's sad but unfortunate that this is sad but unfortunate that this is usually how our world works, but the positive spin on that is that people are here, because of the impact, like you said, that she's left.
Speaker 1:Who is this woman in the christmas pajamas, wearing the christmas socks and with that loud laugh and talking with their hands but she always left a mark with one powerful statement or one powerful word and she was a closer on all of our calls. And you know, she showed emotion, she showed grit, she showed determination, she showed that she was real and authentic. And those attributes did come natural to her, because it wasn't like coming to a podcast and talking on a microphone. It was I'm speaking to people that need to see it, need to hear it, it needs to be understood, and nothing else mattered other than saying what needed to be said so somebody's life can be impacted and changed. And that's what I want to bring to season three is highlighting what she did and what that all meant to her and what will continue to come out of it yeah, yeah, um, one.
Speaker 2:One more thing I'd like to sort of add to this, because I'm hoping that it sparks conversations with other people. Ultimately, like that's one thing that you guys did well here is that you had these transparent conversations and you're just hopeful that it would spark an interest that other people then would have that conversation, side conversations and it worked. Like that's what happened. You know, and I remember, you know, a few years ago my dad passed away and my dad was a pastor, you know, and dealt with a lot of people, and I've been a PK you know, pk my whole life and I had to go through my whole life sharing my dad right, and there was a lot of people that clamored for his attention. You know, and I remember, when he passed away, some of the hard emotions that people were sharing with me was that they felt defensive for me. They were like you know, this is not fair in a way for you and I actually told him.
Speaker 2:I said you know what Fairness in this sense and I remember having this conversation I'm like it's a matter of perspective. I don't look at it that way at all. I look at it as not that I had to share my dad. I was like I got to share my dad. There's a difference, right, and I remember, and it was very hard for me to get up and speak during the funeral and I told that to everyone because I wanted number one, I wanted to give everyone that sort of level of peace, that that's how I genuinely felt. But I think that I, you know, perspective in these moments is very, very important. And you know, in the case of you know, nicole, I'm sure there's people like she's my friend, she's my mom, she's my wife, she's my mom, she's my wife, she's my sister, and that's okay. But I think, maybe just for a moment, if it's possible to encourage people to think about their perspective a little bit and just be like wow, that's my mom, Wow, that's my sister, that everyone's.
Speaker 2:And I think once you get to a healthy place like that and it might take some people a long time to get to a place where they can think that way I think happiness will come, joy will come, peace will come. You'll never forget Breakthrough. Breakthrough, oh, my gosh, right. And so understanding the hard emotional aspect of it. But I just want to encourage everyone that through this is gain some perspective that leads you to a really good, healthy place and where nicole's footprint is not just the years that she was here, she can continue actually to leave a footprint. Um, if you know, we let her crazy, boisterous, staten island christmasloving girl continue to be that voice and, like you were saying, like, all right, I'm going to be a little bit kinder to whoever that person is and I'm going to let her daughter hold me accountable and that's her voice and that's a great part about it. It's annoying.
Speaker 2:But, she's still right. You know what You're actually making. A good point, I. I would only have to listen to her voice for about an hour or two, right, and then she would.
Speaker 2:She would leave I'm going to send you a video of her voice every morning now, thanks, thanks, um, but yeah, no, uh, I mean there's, there's, there's, there's got to be a silver lining in in the tough moments and I and there's going to be a lot of them for different people, but but for me that's a good, healthy reminder. It reminded me that you know, that moment with my dad that I just shared, you know. So, instead of saying, man, I have to share, you get to say I get to share.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that was an episode we did on. I get to Like all the things in our life is like now we get to in our life is that now we get to, and that's a beautiful way to live, and I think this is just a another way that we get to capitalize on it, right? Yeah, she still gets to do things and we're going to continue to make that happen yeah, you have an amazing friend, by the way huh nicole, she was special.
Speaker 2:Wait, what'd you say? I said a the hearing aid. I had to do it. I had to do it one more time.
Speaker 1:She's not here and laughter and humor is definitely something that Nicole appreciated and needed in her life and definitely humor is something that she used to get through her most challenging moments and you know, even her last breath was done in humor and she was surrounded by everyone that loved her and admired her and there was Biggie music playing in the room and her, and there was Biggie music playing in the room and, yes, they had Biggie music playing in the room.
Speaker 2:Are you serious? I'm serious, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:It was amazing and you know kids laughing, friends, family, everybody laughing, and you know even a moment that Terrence had with her in front of everybody, that cracked everybody up and you know he's the same way with humor and I think it was just that.
Speaker 1:As much as nobody wanted to let her go, we knew that she really was always going to be a part of all of us, no matter what. And you know it was a room full of laughter that turned into tears and then laughter again as we said our last goodbyes to her. And you know, try to figure things out like the second after, but um, but we're gonna do what we need to do for our girl, nicole. So we have, we have here this. Gotta be, let me see, remember your why hella strong. And season three will be coming back with um, a tribute to nicole, doing some beautiful flashbacks of all of our amazing seasons, maybe some off uncensored stuff we can find that we can put in um and um, trying to really honor her in a way that we can move forward into what view for thought is going to be bringing to us as we move forward through this new season. New chapter.
Speaker 2:It's going to be great.
Speaker 1:Thank you, rob, thank you for at least bringing some comfort and ease to this hard day.
Speaker 2:You know what it's, you know it's it's nice actually to talk about. You know, you don't realize it until you start just finally just talking through it and you and you realize it's actually nice to talk about.
Speaker 1:Well, I appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, likewise.
Speaker 1:She's here. She's always going to be here. Next time I come, I'm going to have a Christmas tree right here. That's a great idea, actually. So thank you, guys. We are going to wrap up. If you are not subscribed to Fuel for Thought, please do so, and you can find us on every platform. See, this is Nicole's part. Like I don't close, Like this is not going to work. I need to find somebody that's going to close.
Speaker 2:You're going to have to figure it out Now.
Speaker 1:I'm going to figure it out. She was the closer See that, just like us, share us and drop a comment in any of our episodes. Wrap it up, you guys say goodbye I already.
Speaker 2:yeah, bye oh you're ending it.
Speaker 1:I already did Bye.
