#54: Perimenopause: What It Is & How I Survived It

I get so many messages from women thanking me for increasing their awareness of perimenopause and I realized I've never really done an episode specifically on perimenopause. So here it is.

In this episode, I go through what every woman should know about perimenopause. I also share my own crazy journey, and how I survived it.

I hope this episode reaches you before you need it. 

x Lynn

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Transcript

#54: Perimenopause: What It Is & How I Survived It

[00:00:00] Welcome to 40 Plus Fitness for Women. I'm Lynn your host, and I'm a certified menopause fitness coach, helping women to work with their perimenopause and post-menopause bodies. 

 So today we're gonna talk about perimenopause, and the reason that I wanted to have a separate episode on this is because I have the number of messages that I get from women thanking me for kind of raising their awareness that they might be in perimenopause and about the changes that are going on.

And I think I. Anyway, have been kind of giving the information bits and pieces here and there in these podcast episodes, but I thought let's, let's pull things together in one. And I don't think I've actually ever told my story and I think that there are a lot of elements there that I see in other people's stories.

So I'm hoping that by sharing my story, I could help you to [00:01:00] understand that. Or realize that maybe you're in perimenopause or maybe feel a little bit more like you're not alone there. So I wanna start out with just some basic, basic definitions. What is menopause? Perimenopause, postmenopause. So menopause is actually a day on the calendar when you have not had a menstrual period for a whole year.

And, uh, you start counting that from your last period. And if nine months is gone, if 10 months is gone and then you get your period, well, you start from zero again. And uh, and I have to say I do not know my own day because I was not tracking my periods at that point. So, but I'm guessing it was somewhere around the age of forty-five forty-six that I hit menopause.

The time before you hit menopause is perimenopause. Those are the years where [00:02:00] your, uh, reproductive system, where your reproductive hormones are starting to wind down, and as they start to wind down, things are not going so smoothly, and that can cause a lot of different symptoms for you. So that can last anywhere from four to 10 years.

And there are people who go through perimenopause Menopause without acknowledging any kind of symptoms. I have a good friend who's like that. She didn't have any problems at all. And then there are other people who have all the symptoms. I think I'm, I'm a little closer to that end of the spectrum. And then once you have hit that certain date on the calendar, you shift into being in post-menopause, and that is for the rest of your life.

Right? So given that women. On average hit menopause that date on the calendar at around age 50, and we live to be [00:03:00] in our eighties. It is actually a very large chunk of our lives that we are in post-menopause. And then when you take into account the, uh, perimenopause section, it's actually a really, really large.

Part of our adult female lives that we're spending in the transition and then, you know, after the transition. So it's kind of crazy in my opinion that this has not been very widely discussed, even among friends. 

So just some common symptoms of perimenopause or menopause. that I just thought I'd read the list because a lot of people and me and myself included, the only one that I actually knew was hot flushes, and yeah, I had them. They weren't a real big problem for me, and so I kind of dismissed them when my doctor asked me if I was having any problems [00:04:00] with menopause.

So here we go. So yes, the hot flushes and night sweats where you wake up in the middle of the night and your, you know, your sheets are wet, your nightie is wet, everything you may notice more headaches, uh, urinary tract or bladder, uh, issues including urinary tract infections. One of my good friends had a ton of those really, really a problem for her.

, you may have irregular periods or very heavy periods. For me it was so bad that wow, you know, using a maxi pad and the biggest tampon you could find could get me through about forty-five minutes. So, so it was actually quite limiting on my life at that point, 'cause I had to be pretty close to a bathroom to be able to swap those out regularly.

Uh, hair loss is one thing that you may encounter. and This is one where, which [00:05:00] I, I really had, and I didn't realize it was actually linked to menopause For me, it was so extreme that I, um, I actually went to be fitted for weeks before I finally got to a doctor who helped me out with, with giving me some medication to start growing my hair back in.

But it was really getting so bad that. You know, comb overs. I mean, anytime I put my hair or had my hair anywhere, I would really have to be sure that hey, are any bald patches showing? And, and that can be really, really devastating on, you know, you're, you're feeling confident, uh, when you're out in public, when you have bald patches in your head.

So that was really not a very nice one. Then mood swings. So if you think about like the mood swings you may have around your period or teenagers when they're starting, you know, to go through and start get [00:06:00] their getting their periods, the mood swings as hormones fluctuate. Well, hormone fluctuations are happening to us again, and it can cause these terrible mood swings.

And it's not only about these kinds of short-term mood swings, but you may notice things like. Uh, that you have more anxiety than you've had, and depression can be associated with perimenopause. For me, depression was a huge part of my experience, and I'll talk about that a little bit more later in the episode.

Brain fog, there's another one that for me, hit hard, you know? And that can mean that you're having trouble, like thinking about things or remembering things. You know, that your brain is just not working the way it used to. And, uh, you have can suffer from having poor sleep. And I mean, if you think about it, [00:07:00] like these things can be interlinked, right?

If you haven't slept very well. If you're struggling to get deep sleep, then having brain fog and your mind not working the way that you're used to having it work, that you know, it all contributes, uh, poor energy levels. Facial hair. So some women notice hair on their face growing like long, uh, hairs, maybe on their chin, uh, skin being dry or itchy.

Maybe you need more moisturizer than you've ever needed. Just feeling generally blah and unmotivated. And then there can be some very painful things, like you might notice a lot of joint pain or muscle pain. Some women are even, you know, partly immobilized because of the kind of pain that they're going through and may stop them from doing the exercising that they've done in the past and this kind of thing.

You [00:08:00] may have sensory issues like tingling and pins and needles in your hands and feet, and. Then one that maybe doesn't get talked about so much is low libido. So your sex drive is all of a sudden gone. And then even if you do manage to try to get interested in sex, maybe your body isn't responding. You know, you're not getting moist down there the way that you're used to, and you need the kinds of aids to help with that.

Now this is a lot of stuff going on and it's funny because when or not funny actually, uh, because when I went through it, um, I actually had a situation where I had. Uh, physical. I started at a new job and here they have a policy where they send you for physical just to make sure that you're okay to perform the job and, and also that if you do have any issues, they [00:09:00] make sure that you have, you know, the right medication or whatever that you might need because they wanna make sure that you can do your work right.

So I went there and I had the blood work done, and they noticed that my hormone levels were off. And, and blood work is not always, uh, very effective at, at diagnosing, um, perimenopause or menopause. But I guess at that, that day that they happened to draw my blood, my hormone levels were very low. And so the doctor was like, Hey, this is really weird because you're so young.

Uh, so she sent me off to the OBGYN. And I went there and she said, yep, you are going through menopause and um, any symptoms. And I said, well, sometimes I get kind of these hot flushes or what I guess are hot flushes. And she asked, so do they bother you? And I said, well, not really, because you know, like it's winter, it's cold here and I know it's [00:10:00] gonna pass in a moment.

She was like, any other symptoms? I was like. No, I don't think so. And then she was like, great, okay, see ya, you know, next year kind of thing. I mean, not even a question of, or listing or pamphlet or anything to be like, Hey, these are the things that might be going on with you. . 

The truth of the matter was that my life was kind of. Falling apart at that point and looking back on it, I realized that probably much of it was due to the fact that I was going through the transition and I was having so, so, so many symptoms. So. One of the biggest things was, uh, which was a huge life disruptor, of course, was depression.

I had major depression. Uh, I was diagnosed with it and then put [00:11:00] on antidepressant medication and, and given therapy. So like the whole nine yards to try to help me out. And, uh. What's weird about it is that, you know, I had a therapist who was a woman who was older than me, so for sure has gone through menopause herself.

I had, you know, my gynecologist, I had my, my healthcare from, from work, like my primary doctor there, and none of them kind of figured out that, hmm, could these kind of be related, you know? And so I continued to take antidepressants, go to therapy, and a year later I was reassessed and I was actually in worse shape than I had been the year before.

Yeah, so obviously the antidepressants and the the therapy were not [00:12:00] helping me. And in the meanwhile, things were not going well at home. I was arguing with my then husband feeling really miserable. I was sad, like all the time on the verge of crying.

I remember going to the gym to my favorite cardio classes. 'cause back then I was a cardio queen and I still have kind of flashbacks of being in the dressing room and feeling like, oh my God, I gotta get out of here really quickly because I don't know how long I can hold out.

Not bursting into tears because there was so much sorrow, pain, depression deep within me. And uh. Yeah, and things were not going well with my husband now, ex-husband, and I kind of blamed the whole situation on him. I mean, you know, as an aside, I'm kind of, of the opinion that one of the reasons why so many people get [00:13:00] divorced when the woman is in her, you know, forties to fifties, like around the age of 50 is probably because of this menopause transition.

And so, so much. Feeling bad. And then there are transitions in your life. Your kids are moving out, your parents are aging, all these kinds of other stressors on you. And a lot of times it's easy to blame it on the spouse. And I'm not saying, you know, I think my divorce was absolutely a hundred percent the right thing to do.

There were a lot of reasons why we're not the right people for each other, you know, in the long run. But, if there hadn't been the menopause going on there, it probably would've lasted a lot longer and. Yeah, so anyway.

Sleep was a huge issue and this was actually an issue that we argued about with my ex because he was in a habit of a little bit s snoring and he might even move in his sleep. And I was such a [00:14:00] sensitive sleeper and I still am that it was completely disrupting for me. You know, I wouldn't get in enough sleep.

I would be dragging groggy headache. Feeling bad, all this. And of course I'm angry at him because he's causing this lack of sleep. He refused to let us sleep in separate bedrooms every now and again so I could get a full night's sleep. So it was like these kinds of things led to arguments that we were having at the time.

Then at work, I had started a new job and I couldn't remember anything. In fact, these are the notebooks, and if you're listening to this, I have a stack of like 10 spiral notebooks here that I. Filled with notes and I have like little tabs so I can find the different notes and everything because I could not remember anything.

I had to write absolutely everything down and I had just changed jobs into a very [00:15:00] demanding job. I'd like jumped to the next level. Um

, in my career. Luckily, I am so darn organized and I did take all those notes. , so I was able to perform at work, but man, it was, it took effort and I was kind of hiding the fact that, oh my God, I don't remember anything.

I don't remember people's names. Was having a hard time just remembering. Things that people told me over the course of the day. So I was just writing every, every, everything down. So that is, it definitely can affect your work in a big way. And this is one of those things that I know now in the UK and some, some even famous people are coming out and talking about how, how hard it was for them to work during perimenopause because their brain just wasn't working and.

This is something that I, I am really interested in seeing what the response generally from the job market is on this point. [00:16:00] Because on the one hand, great if women can get more support so that they can function in their roles even during perimenopause when they are having these challenges. But then.

Awful. If it turns against us, that if women are telling that, Hey, I'm having brain fog, I'm having some issues, that then they don't get the promotion, they don't get the job, you know? So let's see where that plays out. Hopefully it turns out okay, but let's see.

So things actually were not improving for me, um, for a long time, actually ended up. Leaving my husband moving out because things were just getting worse and I just needed to, to get out of that situation somehow. And I moved to a separate home and I. It took me about a year and a half to dig myself out of [00:17:00] that depression.

I remember, 'cause we, we have joint custody of the kids. The kids would be with me for a week and then be with my ex for a week. And I remember the weeks that the kids were here with me. It was like, okay, just. You know, execute, execute, execute. You know, drive, cook, clean work, try to get some sleep, you know, make it through that week.

And by the time it was, 'cause they, our switchover day is on Monday. By the time, you know, Monday walked, rolled around, I would be so tired and the following week I would walk around kind of in a daze. I would just do work, come home and. I'd like binge watch Netflix while slowly wandering around the house in this kind of daze and crying and yeah, but eventually it started to get better.

And the thing that really made the difference actually, is that [00:18:00] I read an article. Which talked about the 13 top symptoms in menopause and realized that actually I have every single one of them. And at that point, I searched for a gynecologist who specialized in. Menopause because even gynecologists do not spend an inordinate amount of time studying menopause.

And if you think about like a woman and their reproductive life, there are all kinds of issues that can come up. So it, it is kind of like, okay, so they have to know. A lot about a lot of things. So my recommendation is that if you are a woman in your, let's say even, you know, if you've stopped having children, so you don't need one that can, you know, be there to, to, uh, birth your children with you or to deliver your children, then I would maybe.

Consider strongly switching to a [00:19:00] gynecologist who is specializing in women in menopause so that, that she can help you out with that. She, he can help you out with that, but I finally found one and I got onto hormone replacement therapy. I'm not saying that is the magic bullet for everybody, and certainly you need to have a discussion with your doctor because it's, you know, contra-indicated in some situations where you may have a family history of certain illness or.

Certain illnesses yourself, but for me it was a complete game changer because yeah, I am feeling like a human again. The depression lifted, finally I was able to sleep better. Um, sex drive came back, brain fog went away. I mean, I just. Feel human again. So, so for me, it has really, really been a game changer.

And one thing I wanna say about the hormone [00:20:00] replacement therapy is that I, I actually hit upon one that worked for me right away. Uh, it's a patch that I put on my lower abdomen, change it twice a week and, you know, set it, forget it kind of thing. Then there were some delivery issues, so you couldn't get that, uh, particular hormone for almost a year.

I think it was nine months. And so at that point, I had to try out different options and every one of them is a little bit different dose of estrogen and progesterone. So. They affect you a little bit differently. And I tried. The first one that I tried, it was, it was like good and bad, let's put it that way.

Because on the one hand, um, I mean sex was amazing on it. It somehow really increased my libido and my enthusiasm for that. And at that point I had a boyfriend, so we [00:21:00] were having a good time with that. But. Oh my God. I was crying at everything, you know, the cheesy commercial, uh, anything, anything could set me off crying, so had to swap that one out.

And then the next one was a little bit different again with sleep issues and whatever. So I was very glad when my original one came back on the market and that's what I've been sticking with since then. So if you find, if you try one and you find that it's not working that well, you know, you might wanna try another one because, you know, our hormones really do affect our mood, right?

I mean, just like when our, when we're going through our normal cycle, back when we're in our re reproductive years, it does affect our moods. And the same way that hormone replacement therapy hormones can affect your moods. But I have to say I love being in post-menopause because you don't have those mood swings over the course of the month, [00:22:00] and it's just, you're just steady all the time.

Like, I wake up and I know who I am and I know how I'm gonna react to things. And yeah, it's, I love it. Aging has some other downsides, but, but this is not one of them.

And by the way, one point that I wanted to make is that I went through menopause very early. So in my mid forties and looking back, I think the first signs of perimenopause were probably already in my late thirties. Um, so it can start quite early. And one thing I'm kind of pissed off about is that my mother never talked about this with me.

Uh, she also went through it early and it would've been kind of nice to get a heads up. Right. And, and she actually is, uh, a doctor herself while a. Worth it honest, but in any case, like understands science and knows about hormone replacement therapy and all the [00:23:00] things. And I really wish she had had that conversation with me to sort of wake me up to the fact that, hey, you know, this may come to you early and maybe you need to look at your options.

And I have already. Spoken with my daughter about it and shared, you know, that I am in post-menopause and that I had menopause came early, and that I'm using hormone replacement therapy just because, you know, I don't know, I might not be here tomorrow if I happen to end up in front of a bus by accident or something like that.

So I wanna make sure that she can already know that because it is, uh, to some degree hereditary, like how early it happens. Plus, I want her to feel a little bit more enlightened just about her whole female life than I was.

I've also talked to her about how very, very, very important weight training is when you're later in life, when you're in your perimenopause, menopause years for [00:24:00] maintaining your body's functionality. . And she already weight trains. I also weight trained when I was younger, but then I stopped when I started having my kids and I became a cardio queen and I regret that now.

I wish I had just stuck with the weight training and added some cardio on top when I had time. You know, cardio is fun and all that, but I wish I had maintained my muscles throughout my life rather than taking that break like I did.

I also wanna say that some of you may go through perimenopause menopause with no symptoms whatsoever, right? You may be like, oh. Not nothing, right. You're no depression, no sleep issues, no weight issues, nothing going on. I guess that is possible. I have a friend who has that, well, she's had some weight issues, but as far as like hot flushes or urinary tract infections or mood disorders or anything [00:25:00] like that, she hasn't noticed any of those.

So it is possible to get through it more lightly or else you can be like me and kind of lose two years of your life if you don't kind of get proactive about, you know, understanding that this is what's going on with me and getting some help for yourself. 'cause honestly, it is like two years that I was in this kind of fog and being depressed is.

No cakewalk, right? Nobody wants to do that and it's terrible for the family. I remember my youngest, uh, son, he's very sensitive to my moods, and I think he knew that I was depressed when I was depressed because he was sometimes just like unusually good. Like just being the perfect little boy. And when I would see that behavior from him, it would make me so sad because I knew he was doing it because he could see [00:26:00] that I was like holding on by a string, you know?

And, uh, yeah. I wish he hadn't had to, or any of my children hadn't had to spend some of their childhood with a depressed mother. It's not good.

 Okay and then finally, what about the changes in your body? So that's something I do talk about a lot is the fact that as estrogen starts to decline, then you may notice changes in your body. And the really, really typical ones are that you notice your muscle tone declines and you start to gain weight around your waist.

That kind of dreaded Menno belly. And the muffin top that you start to get, your clothes are fitting differently and tighter. And a lot of this has to do with the hormonal changes because your rate of muscle mass decline increases as you're going through menopause. Other decline increases as you go through menopause.

Like for example, your bone density starts to, uh, [00:27:00] deteriorate at a faster rate and. The other thing is your, your ligaments and your tendons, they start to become more stiff, and all of these things mean that you are at risk for a greater injury. Plus there are, it's not so nice to start feeling like you're just a blob, especially if you're somebody who's used to looking fit and trim and you, you know, have really paid attention to your fitness over time.

Or if you've not had to pay attention and you've always looked great just by doing what you're doing, and then all of a sudden you're like, whoa, my body has totally changed on me. 

So I have a lot of podcast episodes that talk about how to fix this, but I wanted to kind of just reiterate my list of top five things. And any of you who have been listening to me for more than two or three episodes knows that number one on my list is going to be start weight training, [00:28:00] right?

Because that is going to ensure that your body remains. Functional going forward, it's gonna help not only with your muscles and your strength, it's gonna help your tendons and your ligaments and your bones,

and it even helps with insulin resistance. So weight training is the best. 

Two cool it on the cardio. So your first instinct when you start to put on that weight and you know, start looking fluffy, is that you'll wanna double down on what you've been doing. And generally what women have been doing is a heck of a lot of cardio.

So they add in more cardio. That's not what you wanna be doing. Add in the weight training instead. 

Third one is to eat more protein. And this works in many ways. One is that if you've started weight training, it gives your body the materials it needs to build [00:29:00] more muscle so you can get stronger and more toned.

Second is that it slows down the rate of decline of your muscles. To be eating more protein and third protein is more satiating, so it helps you to control your eating and your calorie intake a little bit better. 

Fourth is to prioritize your sleep. 'cause sleep covers kind of everything, right? When you don't sleep enough, you're not gonna be recovering. Your hunger and satiety cues are gonna be off. You're gonna feel lousy. All kinds of things happen when you aren't getting enough sleep.

So start prioritizing your sleep. I mean, try this just for a couple weeks where you make a point of getting into bed so you have eight hours. To sleep and see the difference in how you feel.

Then number five is maintain your general movement. So if you're like me and you work at a [00:30:00] desk job, you are probably sitting for 10 hours a day, and then if you have kids and cooking and whatever else to do, it's really hard to get in those steps by taking a walk because you also need to be doing your weight training and you also need to be doing your cardio.

So. If you can get in those steps during the course of the day, take little five minute breaks while you're working. Uh, get a walk pad. That's been my solution. I get in my steps walking on my walk pad. Then you can really improve the amount of calories that you're burning over the course of the day because your non-exercise activity is what burns more calories than your sessions at the gym.

And here's one you're not gonna like, because I know a lot of women love to have that glass of wine with dinner or while watching TV or unwinding in the evening. And the thing is that that glass of wine is doing a. Few [00:31:00] things that is maybe not so good for you. And the most important one is it's affecting your quality of sleep.

So what I have moved to now in midlife is 'cause I do like to have an occasional drink and I really enjoy going out with my friends. But what I do is if I'm gonna drink a drink, and if I am only gonna have one glass, I have zero glasses. Right? So basically Sunday through Thursday, I, I. 99.9% of the time do not drink.

And then I go out usually either Friday or Saturday, and that's the day that I drink. And then I know that that night's sleep is gonna suffer, but I've got good sleep from the rest of the week, so that carries me through. 

So to summarize, okay, doctors may not actually realize that what you're [00:32:00] going through has to do with menopause. I mean, I had psychiatrists and doctors, and they still did not recognize that. So please, if you notice that you're not feeling like you used to, you don't kind of recognize yourself, something's changed.

Whatever. Then go to talk to a doctor who specializes in menopause to try to get some help with your symptoms.

Some of the things that you are experiencing may be hormonally related, and you don't realize it, and the doctors don't realize it, right.

But This is a huge change in your body and it can cause these kinds of big symptoms, things to go haywire. 

And this also means that you should make changes in your fitness routines. So if you have been a cardio [00:33:00] queen, let's add weight training into your routines. Okay. 

So a lot of women, when they hit midlife, they think, oh my God, I don't wanna be slowing down.

I'm gonna go run a marathon. And it's like, okay. That's kind of the opposite of what you actually wanna be doing for your body in midlife. What you would like to be doing is strengthening those muscles. Making sure that you are maintaining your strength and your power and your bones, and your ligaments and your tendons, all those things through strength training.

So please start the strength training. Okay, so that was my story. I would love to hear your story if you wanna share and some of the details. I hope it's okay that I then share forward because I think it's really important for others to hear the unusual things that have happened to people so that if that's happening to them, [00:34:00] they can get some help and realize what the heck is going on with them.

And with that I will leave you till next week. Wishing you happy training