Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo

Find Your Purpose and Take Action with Mindset Coach Lauren Plante

June 14, 2023 Samantha DeSalvo Season 1 Episode 8
Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo
Find Your Purpose and Take Action with Mindset Coach Lauren Plante
Show Notes Transcript

WRITE IN TO THE Q&A: https://www.eastcoastcreativemedia.com/getoutofyourownwaypodcast

Hello my friends! In this episode, I have the pleasure of interviewing Lauren Plante, a mindset coach who helps professionals and entrepreneurs find their purpose, rewire their mindset, and take action towards their goals. We discuss the power of mindset, finding your purpose, rewiring your mindset for success, and taking action towards your goals. Get ready for inspiring insights and actionable strategies to help you overcome obstacles and achieve your fullest potential. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share this video with others on their personal growth journey.

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Sam

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Sam:

Hello my friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Get Out of Your Own Way podcast. I'm your host, Sam DeSalvo, and on this podcast we talk all things wellness, motivation, productivity, healthy living, and business. If this is your first time stopping by the podcast, I'm so glad that you are here and for everybody who's returning for another episode. Thank you guys so much. It really does mean the world to me. Today is a guest episode. I got to sit down with Lauren Plant, who is a mindset coach and she just shares so much knowledge about mindset, and we go into so many different topics about how you can achieve. A better mindset, how you can find your passion, different steps you can take, and even things that might be holding you back from being the person that you wanna become. So if you feel as if you're not truly aligned with who you're meant to be, or if you feel like there is more in your life, but you don't know how to even work on getting there. In this episode she shares so many different tactics and tools that you can take with you throughout your day-to-day life and how you can start to work on these things to become a better version of yourself. If you guys could like and rate this podcast, it really would help so much. And then just one quick favor before we jump in today's episode. If you guys could just share this podcast on social media, you never know who you could be helping by sharing a little bit of positivity in a very negative world. So this might reach somebody in your life that really could use it right now so that, so by taking a little step like that, you never know who you could be helping. I hope that you guys found today's episode just as exciting and aspiring as I did. And let's jump into today's episode. Quick side note, guys, I know there is an echo in today's podcast and I really do apologize for it. I'm still working on all the technology sides of recording a podcast, making a podcast, and I promise you I'm trying to get better for the future. But I strongly encourage you guys to stick around for today's podcast. The content inside is. So, so good and so valuable. So like I said, I apologize and it does get better throughout the podcast, but I just wanted to give you guys a warning, Anne, to tell you that I do know it's there. Hello Lauren, and welcome to the Get Out of Your Own Way podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so excited to talk to you today.

Lauren:

Hi, Sam. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited to be here and answer all your questions today. I'm pumped. This is like my life's work, so I just can't wait to share it with

Sam:

everybody. Yeah, so I actually attended one of Lauren's Mindset Mondays, and it was so, so good. It was, it's like an hour session that she does online and she gets into so many different things and mindset and I just found it so powerful. So I definitely wanted to bring her on the show and get her insights for you guys and just be able to share like her knowledge with, with the audience so, jumping into things, Lauren, could you give our audience a background of kind of where you came from, like what's your story?

Lauren:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So, so. I grew up in Rhode Island. Rhode Island, which is where you're from too, right?

Sam:

Yeah. We actually grew up in the same hometown too.

Lauren:

Beville? No way. Yeah. Oh my God.

Sam:

For those who don't know, Beville is a very small town and it's really hard to like find people like from here. Since I knew that you were from here, I just like felt so connected to you. So you got out of this small town, you left. A lot of people don't even leave this town. But you grew up in Rhode Island.

Lauren:

Yes, yep. Barbell, the smallest town. The sticks literally like you have to drive a half hour just to get to the nearest grocery store. So I feel that that was, that was a little catalyst to like where I am now, but small state, small town. And then I even went to college in Rhode Island, so I never really got outta my hometown. And I studied and got into human behavior and neuro after college. And while I loved human behavior and neuro, I hated the nine to five structure. I was like, get me out of here. Get me outta here. I need like freedom. I need to get, like, I need space. I need space to spread my wings. And I think that's what it was like small state, small town, like small thinking. Mm-hmm. And I just felt like there was more to life and I was like on this neverending mission of like, what is that more? What is my more? So from there I was like, okay, I don't wanna work for anybody anymore really, but I'm not ready to start my own business. So I got into real estate and that's where I really took off. I moved over to New York City, got into real estate, and I worked at part-time for a while and then I went full-time and I just double tripled, quadrupled my income and I invested in properties and I. Created this nest egg for myself. But all the while I got a little lost in the sauce for the first time in my life, that was the most amount of money I've ever seen in my entire life. And I identified with it. I was like, wow, money is power. Money is makes me important. And I'm a real estate agent. I don't even know who Lauren is anymore. And I've got material things. I go a Jimmy Chew bag and like all of these things. And I just didn't know who I was anymore. I found myself extremely unhappy and I was just kind of trying to fill voids with that. I believe I was in relationships that weren't serving me anymore, and I was surrounded by people that weren't serving me. It was just this, this not very good place to be. And I think a lot of people can probably relate with being in a place where you just don't know who you are anymore. And so again, I was on that journey for what is my mourn, and from there I quit real estate, cold Turkey. Everybody was like, what are you doing? You just built this entire empire. You've got a team, you've got all of this. And I had to let it go in order to. Find myself, find my path, and also put myself first. For the first time in my life, I really did that. I took a five month sabbatical and I was like, I wanna move out of the northeast. I need to get away from the cold. I wanna live my life the way I wanna live it. And so I went on a journey to kind of figure out where do I wanna live? I went to California, I hiked the mountains, and then I went to Hawaii for over a month. And then I hiked those mountains and I was start, I was all alone. Like I took this isolation journey. I was like talking to the bugs. I was like, oh my gosh, like at least I'm starting to feel something though. And so after that, I came to Tampa Bay and I was like, huh, like this. I could live here. And so from there, I went back home to Rhode Island. I settled in and I just thought about it every single day. I wrote down in my journal like, what do I wanna do? Who do I wanna be? And I tried to give up. I tried to go back to a nine to five, my body, my brain, nothing would let me. And then eventually I went back to my journal that I journaled in like for months, months. And it said the same thing every time. I wanna help people find success and fulfillment. I wanna help myself, but I also wanna help others because I'm on this journey. And that's what created for me now, this career of a mindset code that helps people find their path in creating success. Yeah. But also fulfillment. Because both is possible, although we think it's not. Hmm.

Sam:

Yeah. Wow. First of all, that's an amazing story. And when you went to college for, you said neuroscience.

Lauren:

I went to college for communication disorders, but I took an interest in neuro and human behavior, and that's the area in which I worked in post-college. Okay. So

Sam:

what, at that point, what was your plan? Like, what, what did you see yourself doing with that degree?

Lauren:

I thought I was gonna become a speech pathologist, and I thought I was gonna help like kids heal in their, you know, communication disabilities and whatnot. And I took an interest in kids with disabilities, but the, that just, it just wasn't my path.

Sam:

Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I, I definitely resonate with you with the whole nine to five thing, like your body just physically not letting you, like, get a nine to five, like you're just not meant for it and, mm-hmm. You, you knew that and you, you harped on that. And I also would like to say that that's why I believe journaling is also very important. Mm-hmm. Like you can look back over the years to see one, you can see patterns that, you know, like you said, that you've repeated yourself all the time, and that's how you kind of figured out what you wanted to do. But you can also see the things like over the years that you've struggled with, so that, you know, like that's a reoccurring theme in your life too. And that's something to definitely work on. In all of this, can you share with us, how does your mindset impact our thoughts and our emotions and our behaviors? Like how does it really play a role into our lives?

Lauren:

The thing is, our mindset is built off of our preconditioning, right? Like the environment we grew up in, everything we saw and we're taught as a child and. If not rewired. If not, if we do not find ourselves and understand who we truly wanna be, we're going to keep executing from a place of misalignment, from a place of what everybody taught us, from our old environment on all of those little pieces of ourselves. And that's not a direction you wanna go into create that life of success or of aligned success and fulfillment and a happy life. So your mindset really is, it is the computer, right? Mm-hmm. To like this entire thing. We've got our mind, our body, and our spirit. And our mind really is what gets everything rolling and running. And so to me the first step in any process when it comes to cultivating a strong mindset is, you know, healing. You talked about emo, you said emotions. How does it impact our emotions? Our emotions inside of us really are what create the thoughts and the thoughts, create the behaviors so people think that either the thoughts can come first or the emotions come first. Nobody really knows, but in my opinion, I believe that emotions come first and that's what creates the thoughts. Because if you think about it, if you are feeling good, what are your thoughts typically? Like are they good or are they bad? They're good. Yes, definitely. Right? But you can fake a thought. And that's my thing, like positive affirmations, they're wonderful, but they don't work unless you feel them. Yeah. So there is this like steps taking, taking process, like emotions must be healed and must be managed in order to create these thoughts and then in order to follow through with the behaviors. Yeah. And that's where that strong mindset is cultivated.

Sam:

I actually just listened to a podcast about this yesterday and it was the Ed Mylet podcast, and it's like his most shared one. It's like how to break free from fear, blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. And he talks about this of how like conditioning is, it's like your conditioning and your environment really make up your mindset and you're conditioned in your life, like all throughout your childhood to think the way you think. Mm-hmm and in your childhood you can be downloaded with some really good stuff, but then you also can be downloaded with some stuff that's not gonna serve you. So that's where what you're saying, like healing comes into place. Mm-hmm. And that's where we need to kind of change those thoughts that have been, that have been downloaded into us, with your clients, what are some of the common themes that you see for mindset blocks?

Lauren:

Hmm, that's a good question. Self-worth block. Self block. Not feeling worthy and people pleasing. People pleasing is a big one because you sacrifice your soul for the eyes of others really. And you put other people first. So true. You're always, yeah. So you're always living in a world that's not your own. And so you'll never be able to find yourself. You're never gonna be able to find your purpose, your passion, you mission. You're never gonna feel happy cuz you're always doing what you think everybody else wants from you. The other one is the worthiness block with it, which is if you don't feel worthy of receiving what it is you wanna receive, there is no way to receive it. You've got this energetic wall, this energetic block up, it's never gonna make its way to you. And that's when sabotage comes in and imposter syndrome and all of these other things come to the, come to the surface.

Sam:

Yeah. I was just gonna ask, what, when it comes to those two things that you see commonly, what are the ways that they show up in people's lives? Like what are the ways that, you know, people might say like, oh, I'm not a people pleaser, but what are, what are they in disguise?

Lauren:

Hmm. So we may not know where people pleaser, but I mean, it's pretty easy to look at your behaviors and say like, why don't you post that social media post? Why don't you go to that networking event? Why don't you approach that person that you know is gonna help your business? And it is a journey of becoming more conscious and more aware. And that's, that's a big part of my work, is what I do. It's like, if all I do is help you become more aware and more conscious of your blocks, then I'm, then I'm doing my job. And when you're people pleasing, It's because like you care what people think too much. So it stops you from taking action. So you've gotta look at your behaviors and say, okay, what are my behaviors displaying? And when you're not taking steps because you're worried about being judged, you're worried about being rejected, you're worried about all of those things, then yeah. That's a pretty, that's a pretty good sign. You're a people pleaser. Another one is that there's these responses, it's called like the trigger responses I posted about today, and it's like, fight, flight, freeze or fawn in fawning is people pleasing essentially. But some other things that come up with that is like codependency and let's see, what else? Like lack of authenticity and just feeling like you don't really know who you are anymore. Yeah, yeah. And latching to other people and latching onto other things to just be able to. Move forward in life. Move forward in life. Yeah. Yeah.

Sam:

I know that you said, you weren't happy with real estate anymore and you wanted to go and find yourself. Did you have some of these mindset blocks that you had to overcome to be where you're

Lauren:

at now? Oh my gosh, yes. Like all of them, I felt like I had all of them. One thing I'm, one I'm still trying to shake is my perfectionism. Mm-hmm. I definitely took on a wall and a block of perfectionism, meaning like if my life didn't look perfect to everybody or look perfect to what I thought, it was perfect then. I just, I would lose it. I would freak out. So everything needed to look perfect, which meant I became a workaholic, which meant I hit burnout, which meant I just always put on this kind of display that wasn't me. Even when I was posting social media posts, like, oh, look at me, I'm pretty, versus like, this is the value I have to offer. Mm. So it was a lot of big shifts. Perfectionism was a big one. The self-worth factor was a big one for me too, because I grew up with a single mom. My dad left when I was younger, and that already took a hit to my security and already took a hit. Like, I'm not worthy of love. I'm not worthy of anything, so let me replace that with money. Let me replace that with material things. Let me replace that with status. Yeah. And that didn't, it didn't feel good. That was another, another reason for my unhappiness. And then people pleasing too. People pleasing showed up big time. I was always putting others first. And because I put others first, I just felt like my needs didn't matter and I forgot that like I needed self care, I needed things for myself. I wasn't meditating, I wasn't praying anymore. That's when I really knew, like I prayed my whole life. I grew up going to like a Christian school and everything, and I stopped. I, I couldn't feel that connection anymore. Yeah. I couldn't feel that connection to what I call my source, which is, God, you know, whatever you believe in is totally cool with me, but mine is God. And I couldn't feel that connection anymore. And I was like, something's really wrong. Yeah. This is my whole life. This is what I've really based my life around. So those were some, those were some red flags that came up to let me know, like, Hey, I'm not doing okay. I've got some things to work through. And yeah, those are, those are my top three.

Sam:

And it definitely sounds like God was preparing you for this season of your life. Like he made you go through these trials and tribulations to be able to, with other people, like you can be empathetic with them and totally understand where they're coming from. So, you know, God has a purpose for every single season of our lives, depending where you're at. And it's gonna probably lead to your greater purpose.

Lauren:

You are exactly right on that last part, because it is true. I have taken on a mindset now that, you know, God really does prepare me for every single step that I'm taking. Even when I'm going through something difficult and I've learned, which is really good in the mindset shift, I learned to say thank you for the struggles. Mm-hmm. And until you get to a place of saying thank you, thank you for the struggles, thank you for the difficulties. It's hard to embrace and move forward. Because they're there for a reason, and if they weren't there, I wouldn't have been pushed to move forward.

Sam:

And I think also if you can ch like change your perspective too of just what am I learning in this season? What am I getting ready for? What is this preparing me for? Well open up your mind, hopefully to a more positive outlook instead of just, why am I here? Like, God, why do you have me waiting in this season for so long? It's like, okay, what else can I learn while I'm here? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So even with yourself, you said that you, you took a lot of time to heal and stuff, but with you and your clients, what are some ways that you help them overcome these obstacles in these mindset blocks?

Lauren:

So I take on a framework of healing. Letting go, rewiring, and taking action. The absolute first step is always like, okay, what's, what's inside? What's hurting inside? What's the deep root cause? You have to start at the root or, or else you'll never pull out the weed, right? It'll always keep growing back. Keep growing back. That is the number one rule. Like you've gotta go all the way to the root cause like let's dig and dig and dig until we find it. And so one of my big job is like, like how can I make you feel so comfortable to speak from your subconscious? I don't know if you've ever been in that place when you're just like free flowing and all of a sudden, like you don't even know what you're saying. It's just like coming out. Mm-hmm. And that's kind of where we wanna go. For myself, it's like how can I dig that deep when I have something I'm going through, but also for my clients, like, how can we go there? Yeah. So we can find it and we can heal it. And there's so many different ways to do healing, but all I'm doing is helping you bring it to the surface so we can look at it and then we can move forward with letting it go. Yeah. Because I heard something they, it lives in your body, whatever it is that you went through. So say in my situation, like. My father left me when I was a child. And so that left me feeling unworthy of love. Like there was something wrong with me. That is the constant narrative that comes up in my mind. There's something wrong with me. And I had to go deep down in there. I had to cry it all out. I had to understand like, this is where that feeling comes from because my dad left me when I was young and now I'm, you know, without a father and whatever else. And then I had to let that go and say like, that's not true. It hurt really bad. And now I just have to forgive and know that like he wasn't equipped for that position as a father and I'm without a father and I accepted I have to. Yeah. Yeah. And then moving on from there is re rewiring Now. How can I reframe that thought? And that's part of it like, He wasn't in a position to be a father. I am an amazing person, and how incredible am I that I became the person I am with just a mom. Yeah. And with just one caregiver and just the people around me and all the work that I've done. So I had to refrain that and look at myself and have an entirely new perspective on myself, and then take action from that place. I am valuable. I am amazing. I'm incredible. And there's some days that I'm like, mm, today I don't feel very good today. Like I feel like there is something wrong with me. Right. There's certain moments that it'll trigger it, but now I know and I go back and I say, Lauren, we're gonna come back. Yeah. Back and remember like who we are and our value and who we're truly meant to be. And then I'm carried through this process. But it does come up. But that's, that's really what the process looks like. And it's in all different areas and it's breaking that pattern and breaking that narrative and rewiring, reframing so you can. Just come from that authentic place of who you truly are and who you're meant to be. Yeah. Yeah.

Sam:

I feel as if a lot of times things we went through, they like, whether it be not having a parent in the picture or something traumatic you experienced in your life, you can kind of overlay it with like, oh, like that's like you're so used to it. Mm-hmm. So when you say you have to dig deep in stuff, you find that. Like people will kind of cover up these things. Like it's not a big deal, but it is something that is really hurting them deep down. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

No, totally, totally. That's exactly what my little chapter in New York City as a real estate agent was. It was like, let me distract with the busiest city in the entire world. Like, let me distract myself with the busiest career in the world with all this money, with all, like, I never had nothing to do. And if I did, I found something to do. Yeah. And that caused me to suppress, suppress, suppress. And when I say like emotions, they live in the body. And your body's continuously going to give you like these just alerts. Like, Hey, there's something wrong. Like, I had to take time off of work, like weeks off of work because my back, all of my emotions cultivated in my back and I couldn't walk. I had to go in like weekly for lidocaine shots. I couldn't move. Like, and I didn't know what was wrong with me. It started to get so bad to where I manifested it in my body and I couldn't move my neck. I couldn't move my back, I couldn't get out of bed. So I was losing money. I wasn't able to show up as a person I needed to be or as a real estate agent. And I was going to the doctor and they were pumping me with lidocaine. I'm a very natural person, so that like killed me inside. And I found out all I needed was a, a breakdown. I needed a damn good cry and I just cried for a while. That was kind of like the start of it. Yeah. Like, oh my gosh, like I can't live like this. And from there it just slowly in, in small pieces, like I started my healing journey, but I realized like, dang, this suppression thing and this pretending and distracting, it's not working for me because it's actually setting me back. I was suppressing the emotions in my body for so long to the point where like, it just started to cultivate as like so much pain in my back. And it was running, it started in my shoulders and my neck and it ran all the way down my back. And it was just, it was holding me back. It wasn't, I, it was keeping me back in my career. Like it wasn't, I couldn't even show up and. I had to do something different because what I was doing was not working like this, distracting this, avoiding, and this just like keep go, go, go and like fill all my voids with work and with a relationship and like all of these things, it wasn't serving me and I knew something had to change. And that's when I started piece by piece. Like little by little that was the beginning of my like little healing journey. Yeah.

Sam:

Your spine holds, it's like your central nervous system, right? So you hold so much like tension in there and you know, you kind of like what you said, you can kind of work it each way. Some people go to the chiropractor to release some of that, you know, pressure and stress. And then the opposite way, if you work it internally, like hopefully you'll heal the external parts that are hurting you

Lauren:

as well. Right? Absolutely. That's exactly it. It's, it's so crazy how it works and. The signs your body will give you before, before it starts too. And this is my belief, it starts to manifest as disease. It starts to manifest as illness. It starts to manifest as depression. Like the deeper you let the pain go is really up to you. Absolutely. And wanna try to pull it out instead of letting it go deeper in.

Sam:

I think that's a lot of reasons why older people have, you know, strokes. Mm-hmm. Like obviously there's medical reasons to these things as well. Yes. But I definitely agree with you when you say you kind of manifest things, these things into your body. Aligning yourself and aligning your mindset and getting things right is very, very important for your overall health. What would you say finding your purpose and your passion plays into mindset?

Lauren:

My belief is that we're all on this planet to do something in particular. That's why we're so uniquely made. We're all very different. Culture and society does try to put us in a line, like in a box, and they try to do, make us do all the same things. But the truth is, is like that's it's, that's not reality. We're all very, very different. We all have a different set and we all have different personalities, all for the very reason of there's something in some way that we're supposed to serve, given our internal value and our internal skills. And if we do not capitalize on those, It's hard to feel happy in doing our day-to-day. And it might not be in your career, it could just be being a mom. It could be on the volunteer work you do on the side, but something that has purpose and passion behind what you do will light up your soul and it'll keep you going in your day-to-day and in your life. It makes you happy. And when you're happy, you wanna wake up in the morning and that is your coffee in the morning. Like, you don't need caffeine. You wanna get up and do the things that you wanna do. And that's, I think, that's the point of life. Yeah, I think that part that keeps us going, Hmm.

Sam:

I think a lot of people struggle with finding their passion and you know, even trying to figure out what that looks like for them. They kind of get caught in the rat race early on and they have no idea one, how to like pivot to their passion or what that looks like. Mm-hmm. And I'm sure you experienced a lot of that with your clients how do you help people like find their passions or what would you give advice to someone searching for

Lauren:

their fashion? Finding your purpose or your passion is a step taking process, and it takes some time to figure that piece out. And there takes, there's, there's a lot of learning that goes into it. So the first step I would say is to assess like, where are you at in your journey? Like, I worked with a client recently and you know, we all go through this, right? We work multiple little jobs When we're younger, we just turn 16, we can finally work, and then we go to college, or maybe we don't go to college, or we get into this job. And that's where we start to learn skills. We start to see somebody run a business, a structure of a business. And I have a client who Orli, she worked with me in the past. She wanted to become an entrepreneur. She was in the nine to five phase, which is usually something you get into like post-college, right? Mm-hmm. She was in the nine to five and she's like, I hate this. And she was just doing odd jobs on the side, but she wanted to find her purpose and what we determined was she wasn't quite ready to go there, so she ended up getting into a business that was like a startup. She's like, I wanna work more closely with the owner. I want to see how they run a business. I wanna learn. Yeah. So she took the next step in her journey, which was just working for a startup and getting a, she got a raise and she got a position that she felt more comfortable with. Within those three months, Sam, she ended up starting her business on the side and doubled her income. She was like, wow. Went from like making 90 K to 200 k and while the money is great, it just is a reflection of her journey and the work that she did in such a quick amount of time to jump into that. Place. So, yeah. Yeah. The same thing was like for me, I went nine to five, then I went to all commission, then I started my business as an entrepreneur. Like it's a step taking process and assess where you're at and know that somewhere in there is a healing journey and an isolation journey. So you can find yourself and know what it is that you wanna do. And her and I, my client and I did a lot of work on that in particular, and I think that's what pushed that process along for her.

Sam:

She's more aligned with what she's doing now and kind of back to both these scenarios. Either what you were talking about with your own story and this person. Sometimes I feel like you have to take like one step back to take two steps forward. Yeah. So even if that meant for her, like taking a step back, even say she wasn't making more money in the startup company, which wasn't the case for her, but she was learning so much to be able to propel herself so far forward. So sometimes it is, you know, readjusting and it's not, like you said, it's not always about money. It's about finding your happiness in it. So, and you took a little hiatus to be able to be where you are at now. And so I think that's just a good reminder for people. It's okay if you have to take a step back to take two steps forward. And I think with also, you know, finding, finding your passion and finding your purpose is about, Trying different things. When I was like 18, 19 years old, I was called a flaky because I had tried so many different careers. Mm-hmm. Like already by like 18, 19, I had tried personal training. I, I was a real estate agent, if you didn't know. No, I

Lauren:

didn't. Oh my gosh. I was a real

Sam:

estate agent. And then I you know, started my own business. Like I, I did a bunch of different things to figure out where I was supposed to be or what I wanted to do, and some people labeled that as flaky. And Yeah. But it helps you lead to, in my opinion, where you're supposed to be and it opens up more doors for you to like see the opportunities and the possibilities. Mm-hmm. Would you suggest that too, to like, try. Different things to be able to figure out where

Lauren:

what you like Totally. And what you just described is actually a, a common insecurity that clients come to me with and they say like, I can never make a decision, or I'm always doing actually with the same client I was just talking about, that was one of her complaints. Like, I try so many different things and I can never stick to one thing. And so she felt like she was outta lack, right? Like she was doing something wrong. Whereas in your case and her case both, it was like you were exploring and Totally. You have to get out there, you have to explore, you've gotta go to different workshops, you've got to experience different networking events, talk to different people just so you can, what I call is Apple pick. Like when you go to the apple orchard, you don't pick every single apple from every single tree. Right? You pick the apples that you like and you put them in your basket, and that's what you do. So you get to decide, okay, I like this from this career. I like what this person said. I like this. I like that. And that's what experience will bring you. Yeah. But it's important that when you listen to podcasts or when you read books, you take what resonates with you when you leave the rest. Because we can get really stuck in like when you try all these different things getting wrapped up on like the next big thing, or this is what I'm supposed to be doing, but you're only supposed to take what feels right for you, which is the important part of healing and tapping into your emotions. Yeah.

Sam:

You usually walk through an apple orchard first and look around at the different apples before you pick out the ones you like. So, you know, looking at different opportunities and. Maybe even picking one out and seeing if you like it before you put it in your basket. You said that, that this is a common, like insecurity, people will come to you with about being flaky. Mm-hmm. And does that kind of fit under like the people pleasing category?

Lauren:

It could. It definitely can, because you're just trying to do what society kinda keeps putting in front of your face. You're not really identifying with who you are. You're identifying with, okay, this is the next best thing, or this is, you know, like this is what's in front of my face, or this is what's going on. And that typically, that sometimes that's what happens. Like, oh, I heard you're supposed to invest in real estate, or I heard real estate is one of the fastest growing careers. Or I heard like doing fitness and stuff is, you know, X, Y, or Z. So, It's a matter of finding what you like versus what keeps getting thrown in front of your face so people pleasing can totally fall into that. It could be also self-worth and just not being able to know like, okay, what I want and what I'm worthy of. And so I'm just bopping around in every which way.

Sam:

I could definitely see how that, those two things kind of play into that so how would you say moving outta your hometown and moving away from, I guess, everything you knew, how did that fuel your self-growth and, and how did that help you find

Lauren:

who you are? I had to get out of my hometown. It was like the. Biggest inkling I've ever felt in my entire life. So one was like getting out of the environment that taught me everything that I learned. Yeah. Because I needed to go and create my own mindset and my own way of thinking in my own perspective and see the world and see what else was out there. In addition to learning to let some things go, like I had to let go of like living under my mom's roof and being so close to her cuz she wanted me so close, like I had to leave the nest. And that's a big thing. It's like it is hard to leave your parents and your loved ones, especially if there's like some codependency there. It's like there's that attachment. So leaving and breaking that is one big healing process, but also like huge in the mindset knowing I can do this alone. So, There's that breaking free of the old preconditioning in the environment. But then there's also that like I'm an independent how to, how to execute as an adult and as the adult version of myself. Yeah.

Sam:

Wow. That's, that's very good. I feel as if there's some people that get stuck with wherever they grew up. Your parents kind of put you where you grow up, and then if you don't like move out, you can kind of get stuck here. Would you say that like, that is an absolute hinder for people? Or can they still, you know, work on their mindset and work on all these things, even if they stay around the environment that they were conditioned

Lauren:

in? Yeah, that's a tough one because in addition to mindset, there's also like, there's a couple factors to your growth and that is your mindset, which is like, how upright are you? Like how aligned are you? And also there's the people that surround you in your life. And then there's also the environment that you're in. Those two kind of go hand in hand. I believe that you need both to fully step into your purpose. If the people around you and the environment around you is not conducive for the version of yourself you'd like to become, I would say, no, you cannot. You cannot become that version of yourself if that's not facilitating that, because your mind literally that did a study on it, your mind actually becomes the cl, like it syncs with the people closest to you, the people you surround yourself with is so important in the environment that you put yourself in. And the things that you see on a daily basis is just like beyond important to where like you've got to break out of that. Now, if you're an environment to where you feel supported or you can set boundaries to say like, I need to be supported in this way. This is my journey that I need space here. I need this or I need that, and you speak up for your needs, it's possible. But if. If you do not set that or if people aren't listening to you, when you do set your boundaries, then you've gotta go. Yeah.

Sam:

I know you said that you kind of went on a isolation, like hiatus. If someone was stuck and they couldn't get out of their current situation and environment, would you suggest that they kind of do that where they're at?

Lauren:

Mm-hmm. Isolation is definitely beneficial, especially if you're stuck and you're feeling like you're kind of in a place where you're not happy, you're not growing and you're not, you're not making any movement. Isolating what isolating doesn't, helps you find you along with getting support. Right. But isolating helps you like clear out the noise. So I would suggest that. So then you can make a decision from there. Like, can I keep going in the current environment that I am in? Or what do I need to do to keep going in the environment I am in if I can't get out of it? And. Do I need to leave? Yeah. How do I make that happen? So, coming to isolation, very beneficial. I do suggest that. That was a really good, that was a really good one to bring up.

Sam:

So when someone is kind of starting on, they know they wanna change their mindset. Mm-hmm. But they don't really know like where to start. They, they never have been open to these kinds of things. what do you suggest your clients when you are wanting to rewire your mindset for success and growth.

Lauren:

When it comes to rewiring your mindset, you have to, like I was saying earlier about my narrative, right? There's something wrong with me. You've gotta catch that thought because it can come in many forms. But first, first order, first order of business. And you have to become more aware. You have to become more conscious, and you've gotta catch that thought. I remember I would wake up with negative thoughts every single morning, and I had to use, I used my physical cue. That's what I call, I like put my point, your finger into my thumb, like hard enough to wear, would send my brain message like, Hey, something needs to change. Whenever that negative thought comes up, whatever narrative it is that you're playing out, I'm not enough. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, whatever, whatever. You've gotta catch it and then you've got to understand it. I like to have a little conversation with that thought. Where did you come from? Where are you coming from and why? And then let that go because this step is important. Because if you just rewired the thought, some people are like, oh, catch the thought. Rewire it. That's narcissism, that's sociopath. Like we can't just pretend to think just so positively. All of a sudden, like these negative thoughts have a root. In the root is the emotion, it's the memory, it's the trauma, it's, it's the preconditioning, whatever it might be. Maybe you saw the people talking to themselves like that, or somebody talked to you like that, or somebody made you feel like that that way. And so you've got to not skip that step and you've gotta heal that wound, whatever that wound that is attached to that dot. Then rewire that thought. Now the short term is every time you think of that thought, rewire it. Rewire it to a positive one. But don't forget the healing in the interim. Like don't forget to do that part. Catch the thought. Understand the thought, reframe it, rewire it. Two, I am enough. I am full. I am complete. And I am working hard every single day to move more towards that. Yeah,

Sam:

I think that's a very good point you made, that you have to rewire the thought and not just cuz you know, in a lot of self-help books and stuff, you'll hear that you gotta capture your thoughts, but it's like, let's take it one step further. Let's analyze where it came from and let's replace it so that you know next time if it comes back, maybe one, it won't come back as hard. And then, Hopefully in the long run it will be replaced completely. So I definitely think that's important instead of just mm-hmm. Don't think that thought, cuz that's not really possible.

Lauren:

And that's short term versus long term. Like, I'm in the business of sustainability, like, I wanna work with you for three to six months and I want you to take these tools and use them for the rest of your life. Mm-hmm. Like, I don't want you to just like, think positively for a few months and then you're back down in the trenches. Like true real change takes time. And in a culture and a society of like short-term gratification, like, we've gotta remember the hard things are what makes the long-term changes to actually change our life. Yeah.

Sam:

Just some people in general, like even if they don't have like deep, dark, intrusive thoughts, sometimes they just are a negative person. Just like, that's just their, like their baseline. That's what they operate on and stuff, and it's like, You really gotta, I mean, even at first, if it's not comfortable for you, like it's not you're natural, try to force your thoughts there and try to make that your frequency instead of having the negative always be your frequency. Because I think that's when like the world will open up for you more is looking through those colored glasses instead of through

Lauren:

the dark lenses. Totally. Your inner world is what creates your outer world and the world that's standing in front of you and the people that are standing in front of you and everything that you attract really is a mirror and a reflection of all the things you're feeling inside. And when you learn to actually like realize that law, that universal law that is so very real, it's like you get to learn one step further. Oh my gosh, what's inside of me? Like use the world as your learning tool. Use the world to help you understand like, this is what I'm actually thinking and feeling deep inside of me. It's trying to teach you something, what is it? Yeah.

Sam:

I feel like a lot of people are uncomfortable going deep with themselves. Do you find that to be true? Yes.

Lauren:

Yeah.

Sam:

Everyone, it's more comfortable to be surface

Lauren:

level. Well, it's just, it's not really taught. For so long, unfortunately, that like emotions are important and especially if we were raised by caregivers, that also kind of pushed that notion that like your thoughts, your nee, I mean your emotions, your needs, they're not important. Then it's gonna be really hard to start cultivating that skill of like, oh, like I need to consistently let go, move through, feel my emotions in order to wake up with a clean slate and show up as my best self every single day. We don't really know that, and that's why there's so much stress and there's so much anxiety. There's so much depression, and now we've got one other big distractor, which I love social media for many reasons, but it's also a really big distractor from anybody feeling anything. Nobody wants to go there because one, it's hard. Two, it's, there's no short term fix. It is a life, it is a lifestyle. Like you start healing, you are healing forever. I know that I'll be healing forever, but it's worth it. Like I'm ha I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. When I started learning this stuff and when I started actually like beha, like actually executing on these skills that I've, that I've cultivated, like your life changes and you start to live this different lifestyle from this different mindset of just like, oh, like being, like having a healthy mindset is constant daily work. Just like when you go to the gym, like, you know, you are in fitness, like your body is going to change if you stop working on it. Mm-hmm. So is your mind. You've gotta work on it every single day. At least give it some time and some attention every single day. Just like your body or else you're gonna, you're just gonna not be able to show up and feel your best and be your best. Yep.

Sam:

When you're working towards these goals and you are working towards the bigger picture of like what you want in your life, how important is it to hold yourself accountable and like, kind of keep going towards these things? Because at first it's gonna feel really hard and not, like we said, it's not gonna feel natural working towards whether it be mindset, passion, self-growth, all these things are not gonna feel good at first. You know, like you said, no one likes to go there, but how important is it to keep going on this journey?

Lauren:

Yeah. Don't stop moving. Like, one thing, one mindset to take on is that like, just do something. Some people just sit there and they sit there and they sit there and it's like, it doesn't matter if it's the right or right or the wrong. Like you do something wrong, it's gonna point you in the direction of being right. And I'm using those words just because like I think that's what people will understand, but there is no right or wrong. Like which direction you move in will only point you in the right direction if you read between the lines and take the lesson out of it. So one, never sit still, always keep moving. And even if you do need a break or you do need a moment or you need some healing, like you can do that, but consciously do it. Otherwise, if you're working towards an action and working towards a goal, don't sit still, do something. Go to a networking event, reach out to somebody, talk to somebody, but don't sit still and don't keep doing the same thing that you already know is not working for you. And in order to hold yourself accountable, like to even want to hold yourself accountable, there's some people who won't even set goals because they're afraid of letting themselves down. And you've got to also gain the skill of doing what you say you're going to do. So if you are used to letting yourself down, or you're used to like canceling on friends, or not going to that workshop that you said you were going to go to or not doing what you say you were gonna do, start very small. I'm gonna take the trash out today and do it, and then pat yourself on the back. Okay. Check, check. That sends your friend message like, oh, okay. I'm starting to trust myself. I can set bigger goals now. So it's just, it really is a skill, this self-accountability thing. You've got to do what you say you're gonna do, so then you can make yourself hold yourself accountable. Accountable. Mm-hmm. Then you can set bigger goals. Then you can trust yourself. Trust yourself. Yes. And then you trust yourself to actually set bigger goals and try towards them. You may not always reach them, but if you're trying, that's all you need to do. But start small and then. Go up on that accountability, you'll learn how to hold yourself accountable. It'll be a lot easier from there. And also another one is assess what's on the other ti on the other side of that accountability. So some people are afraid of the success that comes with that, right? If you're afraid of there's gonna be more stress on the other side of that, like there's gonna be more people like putting me on a pedestal or like expecting something from me. You're not going to want to do that goal and you can't even hold yourself accountable for it. So just become more aware, more conscious, and just take it slow, but just keep doing something because that compound effect will really make a difference. And you move too fast. You may fall back further than you needed to to get back up and do it again. Yeah.

Sam:

You always talk about people being scared of success, cuz I feel like that is not talked about literally ever. Mm-hmm. And you bring that up quite a bit, like on your reels and stuff on social media, there are some people out there that are scared of success. Can you kind of talk about what that means, what that looks like?

Lauren:

That's so easy because I have a fear of success. Like that is one of my main fears. And the fear is, okay, if I am successful, then in my mind, for some reason I. Link success with, because it's what I saw growing up. It's also what I went through when I was in New York City. I'm gonna lose all my friends. I'm gonna turn into a bch, for lack of better words, because I'm so stressed. I'm gonna be so stressed, I can't handle it. It's gonna result in burnout. Like that's what I associate success with. So I keep myself kind of in this place of like, I'm successful, I pay my bills and everything, and I'm content, but content isn't the life I wanna live. And I know that. And so for people listening and thinking like, are you afraid of success? Yes. Like, is that gonna mean that you mean something after you're successful? Are you gonna be able to handle that stress that's on the other side of getting that success, having that success, having more clients, having more business? Can you handle it? What are your stress management skills? There's so many things and you've gotta assess like, okay, if I was successful, what does that come with? And people go straight to like, well, I'll have more money and I'll get to live the life that I wanna live. It's like, okay, what else? All my independence is gone. That's another thing. Yeah. Another reason why I'm afraid of success. There goes my independence. That's what I think in my mind. But. When it comes to having that fear, you've gotta remember, like you're in control of your life and everything that it is you wanna do, whether you're getting in a relationship or you're just like succeeding in your life and coming back and realizing, like, I get to decide. Sometimes we think we're out of control, but that's where that fear of success, that's the base that's, that's really what it's about. Yeah.

Sam:

I don't think I've ever heard of that until I saw that on your social media. Wow. And when I seen that, I was like, wait, I think I have that. Yep. I was like, yeah. The things that you were mentioning it, it's more of a subconscious thing. It's not, if you say, are you afraid of success, everyone's gonna say no. I'm not like, yeah, that's what I want. But, and it's like not until one, I think you're in it a little deeper. Like you're growing a business, you're growing towards something that could be successful. Does that fear start to show up and then, When you think about it, subconscious, subconsciously, like the other side of it, like you said, like mm-hmm. How's your stress? Like, do you think you can rely on more people asking you for more things in a day? Mm-hmm. Do you think like, is this what you actually want in your life? It's like, wait, okay. Maybe I am a little scared of success.

Lauren:

Right, right. And also you being a woman of belief, me, myself too, like, we don't get to decide. You don't get to decide how big you become. You don't get to decide how much money you make, really, like of course you do, like your actions will, but like, if you're meant for something, you're meant for something, you don't get a choice, and like you can feel it. And the more you deny yourself of that, the more you're denying the world of your service. Like you can't stop that feeling. You'll feel if it's right. If you're meant to just, you know, live a certain life and that's fine. But you'll feel when you're meant for something more in that mm-hmm. More is what you need to go towards because that's your, that's your purpose. Absolutely.

Sam:

If you follow the Lord, you do get a level of discernment that comes with that. Mm-hmm. And the Holy Spirit will speak to you on what direction you should be going in. It's just getting your mind quiet enough to be able to hear and understand what that looks like

Lauren:

for you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Surrender, blow, surrender.

Sam:

I have one more question before you, before we end today's podcast. Mm-hmm. What is your number one tip for getting out of your own way?

Lauren:

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go right back to it because I'm a coach and I have multiple coaches, but really get support, like get into groups free. I do a free group every month, you know, and we chat on there. I'll do hot seat coaching from time to time. Like you've got to just pick at the little things that you can and just help find out a little bit more about you. If you have the money, if you have the funds, don't do yourself the disservice, like get in front of somebody and get somebody to help you. Help you. You need someone to help you see you and you know, let people in. You know, that was something that held me back for a very long time, is that I didn't wanna let anybody else in because I thought I would look weak or feel weak. And it's not the case because. The real strength comes in letting somebody in and letting somebody guide you and help you, especially if they've done it before. So that's my biggest tip. Like let people in, open your heart, open your mind, and and just be okay with not being okay sometimes.

Sam:

Yeah, definitely. Well, I will be attending your next Mindset Monday, which is this upcoming Monday. Yay. And. This podcast will come out after that, so I will have already attended it. Mm-hmm. But where can everybody find you? Meet up with you. Chat with you?

Lauren:

Yes. So I have Instagram, which is really my main source of like chatting with people and getting connected with people unless it's in person. You can get in touch with me there at Law Plant A U P L A N T. My website is law plant coaching.com. Aup nte coaching.com, and that's my email to you, law plant coaching gmail.com. But I do have a Master Your Mind Group up in July. And then I have my one-on-one, which is deep inside your mind, which is that's my favorite because that's where I really get to pick, pick apart your fears and your patterns and all of that fun stuff. So if you're interested in any of that, yeah, go to my profile and in the link you can always get in touch with me or send me a message, ask you questions. I love chatting. I think people are afraid to reach out. Like don't be afraid to reach. I love to chat. Message me, talk to me, ask me questions. I'm all for it. All for

Sam:

it. Awesome. I mean, I'm definitely gonna check out those groups, the one-on-one and the group coaching. So you guys should definitely check those out too. Maybe I'll see you there. Thank you everybody for listening to today's podcast. If you could please rate and subscribe this podcast, it helps so much. And also share it on social media. You never know who you could be helping by sharing it on social media, so just take the extra time and do that, and you never know who you could get in front of and make their day a little bit better. But thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast and have a great day