Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo

Create LASTING Confidence: real self worth tips with Janine Gates

July 11, 2023 Samantha DeSalvo Season 1 Episode 11
Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo
Create LASTING Confidence: real self worth tips with Janine Gates
Show Notes Transcript

Join me in today's episode as I sit down with Janine Gates, a remarkable GODiFIDENCE Coach. Together, we explore Janine's journey of overcoming obstacles and finding the confidence to live her dream life. From facing the legal system to discovering her inner strength, Janine now empowers other ladies of faith to heal from their past and unlock their full potential. Get ready for an inspiring conversation filled with practical strategies and the power of faith. Don't miss this episode of the 'Get Out of Your Own Way' podcast, hosted by Sam DeSalvo.

Q&A: https://www.eastcoastcreativemedia.com/getoutofyourownwaypodcast
IG: instagram.com/samdesalvo/

Find Janine @
njaninegates 

GODiFIDENCE, Overcoming Obstacles, Healing, Confidence, Faith, Empowerment, Personal Growth, Dream Life, Self-Doubt, Mindset Shifts

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Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode on the Get Out of Your Own Way podcast. I'm your host, Sam DeSalvo, and this podcast is our little cozy corner of the internet where we talk all things wellness, motivation, productivity, and healthy living. Today's episode is a guest episode and I'm really excited about it. I got to sit down with a lovely, lovely woman. Her name is Janine Gates, and she does all things faith related and helping women reach their best potential and reach the best version of their lives. And once I got to sit down and talk to this woman, she really is such a blessing. She has such a glow about her energy is amazing. And we touched upon different topics upon how you can overcome her. her journey. And she had a very interesting story on how she was actually convicted of a crime at a very young age and how she turned her life around and how she prevented herself from repeating generational curses. And in this episode you get to learn so much more about how you can grow in your faith and become a person that walks with the Lord and how to kind of do that if you're new to it and if you're a part of it maybe you'll relate to some of these topics in today's episode. So I really hope you guys enjoyed today's episode and let me know what you guys want to hear if you like the guest episodes or if you like solo episodes better. I like to do a mix of the two. I like to do some solo, some guests and But I would love to hear what you guys like, but I really hope you enjoyed today's episode and don't forget to share it on a social media platform that you never know who you could be helping by sharing an episode. Thank you guys for listening and let's jump into today's episode.

Sam:

Hi, Janine. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I'm so excited to talk to you today. Thank you again for coming.

Janine:

Thank you, Sam. I'm so excited to be here and to serve your audience and get to know you. So thanks for the invitation.

Sam:

So I actually found Janine through social media. I came across her content and I thought she'd be the perfect fit for the podcast because her, she serves her audience. She's all about faith and getting to know the Lord and following with the Lord to heal yourself and to become the best version of yourself. So I've, I thought that fit perfectly with what we do here on. Get out of your own way podcast. And I have a lot of audience members who are interested in faith, but they are not quite either devoted yet or saved. So I thought you'd be the perfect guest to bring on the show and just explain your journey and what you do for your audience as

Janine:

well. Thank you. And I'm so excited and I love how you're talking about faith and how it's a personal relationship. And that's so important more than anything. I don't care what the pastor tells you and what social media tells you. It gotta be personal. And until it's personal, it feels like a lot of fluff and a lot of rules and a must do. I'm very excited to give tangible tips and things that have helped me recently and growing in my relationship with God.

Sam:

Yes. Yes. Love that. And you're absolutely right. I do always explain that. That is a personal relationship. So just to give you some background, Janine about me, I grew up Catholic. So I grew up Catholic from since I was born basically till I was like 18 years old and I was confirmed, I did all that stuff, but I still didn't have a relationship with God. Like I wasn't. Walking with him side by side, I was just kind of like going through the motions, doing the things and, you know, like you said, following a bunch of rules, but I didn't understand why I was following the rules. So later on in my life, so when I turned like 22, 23, you know, I came back to the Lord by myself and went back to a different church that just realigned with me better. So now I definitely do feel like I have a relationship with God and I feel as if. I understand it better now too. I don't know. It's probably two things. Probably one, being older and being able to wrap your mind around it a little bit better and also just by the way it's delivered.

Janine:

Yeah. And I love what you said about finding the church that works for you. That's also similar to my journey. I was raised all over in everybody's church. I've been to a Catholic church. I've been to a church of God in Christ church. I've been conservative. I've been liberal. I've been through all of it. But I always was in church as a child, even though my biological mother never went to church with us, but she sent us every Sunday. And then church saved me when I was in foster care. So I kept going when I was in foster care. And then when I went to my second foster home, this is when I went to a church that really shook me in some areas maybe not want to go to church anymore. And Just, it's a lot. It's a lot. And things that I love about that church as well. And then, when I got to college, I was done. I was done with all the rules and people not being accepted in God's house. And it has to be this way and ladies have to wear skirts that go to their ankles. I was done. I was like, this is not me. And it. So when I was in college, I kind of stopped going to church. And then my... Former best friend was like, you need to go to church. You are church girl. And it was like a judgment. I was like, okay, let me go back. Cause I was out of church for real, for real. And I went back and I still felt like it was performance and this is how you should be and everyone wasn't welcome. And then I got adopted and my adopted mom found a church that was. So open and just so different than how I was raised. And so I've been in that church for a long time. And then I moved to Texas and now I'm in a church. Like I got two churches now, one that aligns with my values and truly speak to everybody and anybody been welcoming in God's home. And the other one speaks to like the culture part of me and where I was raised with and getting up and jumping and praising God's name. So I blend both of them together. So on Sunday, I'm at two churches.

Sam:

Do you go to both on every Sunday? Do you beep bop or do you like take turns? No,

Janine:

I, I, Okay, I'm new to this two church thing. I go to both. One I would do virtually a lot, another one I go in person, but it's a combination. It's a lot, but I couldn't continue to go to a church and feel like if I brought a friend that wasn't accepted, or if a friend that wasn't accepted at that church stayed with me and was like, let's go to church, what would I do? And that's just, I can't be fake like that.

Sam:

That's so funny. So Janine, where did you grow up? If you moved to Dallas, where'd you grow

Janine:

up? I grew up in Portland, Oregon.

Sam:

Okay. That's quite the trip then from Oregon to Texas.

Janine:

Very much so. It's so different in so many ways. And also life giving in both places are life giving in ways as well. Moving to Dallas was God. It wasn't something. I decided it wasn't even on my radar to move here. Like I was thinking I was going to move to a different state and I heard God tell me I was moving to Dallas. And I want to be honest with people who are new to faith. Your faith journey is no different than my faith journey. Your faith journey is no different than the pastor's faith journey and somebody been with God for decades. Like we're all navigating this tub, this pool, this love, this step in, this step out relationship with God. It varies. And I say that because first of all, I just want you to know that and feel confident in your journey with God, but also tell you someone who has been a, Like I came out of the womb going to church and I still go to church. So I'm like in my thirties, I've been a Christian all my life. And when God told me I was moving to Dallas, I'm gonna be real honest with y'all. I visited in August of 2022 to self sabotage. I didn't want to move here. I did not want to move here. And I came, I loved it. And I was shocked. I was like, okay, God, maybe you're right. And then a few months later, I moved here and it has. Been bittersweet, one of the hardest struggles of my life and it's so beautiful now and I really love this place and I know that I'm in the right place. However, it was me listening to God and me staying because I remember what God told me because when we get into it, I just can't believe I'm here today and I still live in Texas. Yeah, absolutely.

Sam:

So how about we start from the top? I know you have a very interesting story of kind of how you came back into your faith. I know you grew up in it, but then you had like kind of a twist and turn there. So why don't you give the audience a background about who you are and like what your story is?

Janine:

Yes, and I'm excited to talk about the first twist and turn and the most recent twist and turn that has been Very pivotal in a deep connection with God. But the first one is me growing up with my biological mother and siblings. And she was 14 when she had me. So she was way too young and she was repeating family generational curses of teenage parenting, lack of education, living paycheck to paycheck. And when you grow up with that and you see. Lots of struggle as a young person. I really wanted something different for my life. I remember it Raining, being dark and being at the grocery store, begging for food and a woman took me to a shelter and I'm not saying all the details of the story because it does involve other people. So I'm just focusing on myself. And I remember waking up in this shelter, taking a bus to school and doing that for a little while. And I was just like, I'm not living like this. Like I'm not. And as a result, my adopted mother, who I refer to as my mother, is a licensed clinical social worker. And she was telling me people repeat generational curses, or they go to the far opposite and be workaholics, or they just find something else to grind on. And that was me. I was grinding on success and being what I thought that was to ensure I did not repeat a family generational curse. And sis, I'm here to tell you I did. So I was in college, right before college, my biological mother kept asking me to be her caregiver and to do some work for her, and I was like, no, I'm getting ready to go to college, I'm moving away. Long story short, she was doing all of this in my name, receiving a paycheck in my name, and talking about drama and nasty family members. My biological aunt, her sister, actually called the people on us. To snitch and get us in trouble. It was no conversation with me. Like this is coming up. It's just Like the trauma in that family and the feud that they have and how it started with their their mother It's with them and then you see it's on my cousins, but I don't associate with my biological family like that So I don't experience it anymore. However I'm on summer break In Portland, Oregon, I was going to school in Atlanta, Georgia, and I get this email from an investigator, and it shook me. I was like, what is this about? So I leave my job, call right away, and I'm like, what is this about? And she's telling me, we're investigating a case with you, and she says my bio mother's name, there's some illegal behavior that happened. I said, what are you talking about? Like I had no idea because again, I didn't know that I did anything illegal. Why would I do that when I worked my tail off to get a full ride to go to the number one historical black college in the country? Are you kidding me? I didn't make it that far to go back. I met with her, I gave her everything I had, my bank statements, my text messages, everything. And what makes this story really, really sad Is that my biological mother threw me under the bus and made it seem like it was me the whole time. Wow. And, like, and this is like proof. I have records of this. Because the investigator gave it to me. She had nothing to lose. And I was like, how do y'all not see that I'm innocent? I gave you everything I had. This happened when I was 18 years old. You think I really got a mind to all of a sudden go out and do this? But I was charged with a crime. I was charged with a crime and it was devastating going through this. I remember being in two different worlds, a world of God, please help me. Please do not let me live a life where I struggle as well as if this is what I'm about to endure, take me out. I'm not living like this. And I just kept praying, kept praying, and eventually I just kept going forward one foot in front of the other, knowing that there was more for me, knowing that God didn't bring me this far to lead me knowing that I didn't make it to this college, be the first one in my immediate biological family to be in college for me to be a criminal baby. No, I get that People repeat a crime, like they go to jail and they keep repeating and I had a guard tell me. Oh, I'll see you again. I said, mark my words. You will never ever see me in this jail house again. And I've never been back. So that's a really pivotal moment. And God showed up for me before when I was living on the streets, when I was living in a shelter, when I was begging for food and God will show up for me again. And so that kept me with God and believing in God when I was in that situation. Wow.

Sam:

So how long were you in jail for?

Janine:

This is, this is, see, God works in the little details because I know it sounds like, girl, you talking about God working in jail, girl, yes, I'm talking about God working in jail because I was to serve 50 days, but because I was in college, I served 25 days doing winter break and then 25 days in the summer. So that was a blessing to know. I would never ever wish my worst enemy, anybody's pet in jail, the food they feed you that you cannot identify, like horror stories from that time.

Sam:

Yeah, no, I bet. I mean, I have never been in jail, so I can't even empathize with you on what that's like. But honestly, you're like Joseph sitting in jail, you know?

Janine:

I hope Joseph was treated a little better cause it's rough. It's dehumanizing. I was on my cycle and I asked a guard for a pad. And she wanted to see the blood. What am I gonna do with a pad? What crime can I commit with a pad? Yeah, it was, when I tell you the things that I experienced, mm mm. I'm so sorry

Sam:

you had to go through that. That is horrific and definitely life changing. I feel like after you've been to jail, you have a new perspective on kind of life and what things are like there, so. Yes. How did you, after that like, time of your life, like, How did things change for you?

Janine:

I want to talk about what got me into that situation. And I understand a lot of people have not been in a jail, but what. You have experienced is rock bottom. What you have experienced is people pleasing, losing yourself, trying to fit in, do what you think you should be doing instead of what you know you should be doing. So those are similarities that align with this story, period. And what I learned. Is the things that I just mentioned, the people pleasing, trying to fit in, not sure who I am. I had to find those things so quickly. Because when you don't, you will succumb to the enemy. You will succumb to things that you're not called to be. You will succumb to things that don't even align with who you are. And so from that moment, I always say, and I don't really remember this, but I just know how I was at that age. I was ruthless with my boundaries. It wasn't. At this time, I cursed a lot. So, I don't know if it's fine to cuss here, but I'm just gonna say the F word. We know what that means. I'll be like, F you. Respect my boundaries. This is what I want. This is what I need. And you gonna fit this narrow path? Or it's a no for me. And I know that I was like that because I was so broken. And broken people are not kind. And I really... Needed to be straight and narrow and follow the rules because I knew that I had more for my life and I was so afraid that if I did one false thing, I would be written off because how many people get a second chance life is not very common. It's so hard to fight. And I think what saved me as a foster child was that you have a judge and my judge told me there are so many people in Congress with a criminal record. It stopped me in my tracks. You mean to tell me people who are running this country have criminal records? Like, I just couldn't believe that at the time I went to run for office and I was involved in politics. However, to get back to your question, it changed me in the sense of really finding myself. honoring myself and doing exactly what I wanted to do. And I had to because I knew the opposite was me not being happy, me trying to fit in. And so I tried out a lot of things to figure out who I was because I remember the lady and her daughter was visiting my mom and I, and the mother asked me. What do I enjoy doing? And I say the same three things over and over and over. And what that said was, I don't have any hobbies. I work too much and I don't know myself. And I will never forget that question. Cause that was so many years ago, probably close to 10 years ago. But it's something I remember because I had to find myself and learn how to show up for myself. And knowing that who I was created to be, who God calls me to be is enough. Is enough. I'm worthy. And the people who need to be my life are going to come. I don't have to try to fit in or make the piece of the puzzle fit when it doesn't fit. That's so good.

Sam:

And do you think that you having the foundation of your faith when you were younger helped you see God in all those situations? Or do you feel as if you drew closer to God during those situations? Which one do, do you think it was a combination of the two? Cause you were saying that, good question, you were just saying earlier how, you know before like when when you were convicted and stuff, you were like, God, give me these two options. Like I don't wanna do this. Like God take me out of this situation. Do you think that you were able to see God working in those situations cuz you knew who God wa was? Or do you feel as if while you were there you really learned who you were in

Janine:

God? I would say the latter. Only because. When I was going through, I think the beast in me was coming out. Like I was a workaholic. I could outwork you. I could out network you. Like I was a beast. It's really ridiculous when I think back about it. And so knowing that I had more for my life and that it wasn't going to end here is what kept me going. Which, how do you have that belief if you're not connected to the source? But at the time, It wasn't me like in alignment with God. No, to answer your question, it's the latter because I thought God was mad at me. And I remember I was crying. I got a warrant for my arrest. I don't know if everyone knows what that means, but it's essentially the courts is looking for you. You need to turn yourself in. If you don't turn yourself in, they'll come get you. I got a warrant for my arrest at college and I was hot because I told them, whatever you do, don't show up on my campus. I've been consistent. I've been anytime you email me. I respond within hours. Do not come to my school and embarrass me. And then I get this one from my resident talking about they'll come get me. And I'm like, can they wait? Like, I think it was. I was coming home the next month. I would think it was like six weeks or four weeks away. And I was so nervous that they were going to come on campus and get me. Cause you're supposed to turn yourself in immediately. However, when that, right that day, it was late. I was coming back from Benny Hines with a college friend. I went to my campus. I opened that letter. I dropped to my knees. I was crying and I text two people. The first person I text was my godmother. And I said, how do you know when God has forgiven you? And if I needed to ask that, that lets me know that I didn't think God was with me when I was in meet with the investigator, I didn't think God was with me when I first got the call, like, I didn't think God was there when God was there the entire time. And when she responded, God has forgiven you before you ask for forgiveness, it released me. She's like, all you got to do is say, God, please forgive me. And so it was God strengthening my relationship as a result of going through this. And I really knew God worked on my behalf when God sends me an angel to hire a lawyer in the plea deal. Like I had 14 charges. I got convicted of one and it was a misdemeanor. That's God, that's God. And so seeing God at the end, well, not the end, realizing that God was with me the whole time, allowed me to go through a struggle late last year, early this year, knowing that I'll be okay. Even though I cried so many days, I was suicidal. I was ready to pack my bags and go back to Oregon. So, yeah.

Sam:

It's kind of like what you said too about earlier, you mentioned about like. It's not the acts that you do that gets God's love or his anger. That's not how it works. But although we are very much, we perceive that, especially from a young age, but depending on the religion that you grew up in, you think like, Oh, all my good acts will get me into heaven or vice versa. You know, all the bad things, all the sins that I do will put me in hell. And it's not really how it works. But I think you learn that along the way that God, like you just said, God has already forgiven me. Before I even did it.

Janine:

Yes. And what you said is so important. Cause I think about how we're raised in church, every church I've been to, except for one taught me to basically take their word as the source. Like they don't encourage me to read the Bible. And I think it's very important to read the Bible. I'm not saying take that for everything to be what it needs to be, or what you believe. I'm not saying that, but I do believe you should read the Bible. But then go to Google and talk, ask about that scripture. Ask about that story. Ask how does it relate to you? How does it apply? Like make the Bible so personal and put you in those shoes and how God loves you and shows up for you. It's so much better. Like my relationship with God today. And in these last seven months is better than the 37 years I've been on this planet because I read the Bible for myself. I make it personal. I go to God. I also do a lot of. I'll talk about it because I'm not fasting right now. I know we're not going to share when we're fasting. I do a lot of fasting. And it's not always fasting from food. We always talk about this religious fast from food. But sometimes food is not the distraction. Sometimes it's fasting from social media. Which is the hardest! That I have ever done in my life. It gets harder each time, but it's also more joyful each time because God really speaks to me because I'm not distracted. I'm focusing on my relationship with God. And so I think it's so important. I loved when I was listening to your podcast with your boyfriend, Nick, right? Okay. I was listening to your podcast and I love when you were talking about how personal the relationship with God is and how, like you talk about having a holistic life and how these different topics you talk about on the podcast, like, you know, motivation, productivity, healthy living, and that's how our relationship with God is. God wants to be in all of those things, all those little details about you God cares about. If God knows the number. Of strands on your head, you don't think God wants to hear about your doubt. You don't think God wants to hear about what's motivating you. You don't think God want to hear about your uncertainty. You don't think God want to hear about your wins. I truly believe God wants to know everything about you. And so I love having a prayer and praise journal because it's so personal. It's so personal. I

Sam:

do also journal my prayers and my praises and stuff like that. So I'm a very forgetful person. So I gotta, you know, go back and read them and Yeah. I gotta write them down because if not, I go scatterbrain when I'm praying. Sorry, God. But it's true. It's kind of what happens to me. circling back to what you said a little while ago that while you were in this season of your life and you were realizing so many different things about yourself, you said that you were kind of forced to find who you were and you tried many different things to find who you were or who you are now. Can you explain what some of those things are? I

Janine:

started dating more and figuring out what I like in dating. I would take myself on solo dates. So in high school, I was encouraged to do that. I didn't do it as much. So in my late teens, early twenties, I took myself to rooftops. That's how I found out. I love rooftops. You can rooftop me every day. I would go to the beach. I would take long drives. The things that I thought I didn't like, I would see if I liked those. I mean, whatever came to mind, I did. I also would join at the time it was HeyVina. I don't know if that app still exists, but Bumble BFF. I got on those apps. I would try to meet lady friends. And in the midst of doing that, they, if they suggested anything, I had never Thought about doing or did I did that? I tried new things. I, I think the best way I found myself though, in the secret in the first couple ones are difficult solo traveling because it's you, you, and only you. And I went on a couple of solo trips. I like doing a solo trip if you're nervous about that, going to a conference or an event that you're thinking about. Now, the event can't be all three days that you're gone, because then you don't know, you have to learn yourself. But I went to a pod, a live podcast show, and in the midst of doing that, I took myself out to dinner. I explore the city. I found out I love museums. I, I wind and dined myself when someone is in my shoes and they don't know who they are. They're looking for a captain. Save a girl. You know, there's a different word, but I just changed it for us. They're looking for someone to come save them and come show you how to travel and live on a beach and go on the yachts and do whatever it is you desire. You're looking for someone else to do that for you. Why not do it yourself? And another thing I want ladies who are on a confidence journey to do is shop your closet. You bought clothes that you wanted to wear one day that are sexy and confident and this new you, you bought that because that's who you want to become. And the only way to become that is to wear that now. I think oftentimes When I think about becoming who I want to be, it's like I write it down one day a happen. Well, when is that one day? If I don't put on the dress now, if I don't go to the rooftop now, if I don't take myself to the beach and I want to be on the yacht or whatever it is, if I don't do it now, when is it going to happen? And what I will say as someone who's dated and not had confidence. Sis, it's best to get to know yourself now, because when you get in a relationship and you don't know what you're passionate about, you don't know what you're called to do, you will change to fit whoever that your partner is. And I've done things where I try to fit what he wanted, but baby, the way I date today, you got a confident lady on your arms. I am not at your beck and call, sir. This is a partnership. So it's just so important to read self help books, invest in yourself. I love when you talk about healthy living, cause I don't hear a lot about that in a way that you describe it, how it's just more than the fitness and the eating, right? It's the relationship with God. It's all of those things and making yourself complete. We don't date bringing 50 50. We date, and I understand 50 plus 50 does not equal 100. Take all that out, because you're looking at something through your human eyes and not your spiritual eyes. But in order for you to be equally yoked, if you believe in that, that's two people coming together whole. And being equal is not him being 50 or her being 50 and you bringing that. No, it's you both being whole. And one of the ways to do that is by getting to know yourself. So reading the self help books, meeting new people, doing things that you never thought you would do, doing things that you said you hate, and you don't even know why you hated it, taking yourself on trips. on dates, loving yourself, and one of the best things I could do for myself is when someone made me feel uncomfortable to process that. I didn't always process that with them because I feel like sometimes you process things with people and it brings more confusion versus clarity. So I would get by myself and process what about that made me uncomfortable. And the reason why I started processing, because I would change who I was without any clarity or curiosity. And now I'm like, okay, it's time for me to either address that and enforce boundaries with them. Or if I did something wrong, apologize and acknowledge that. But figuring out what it is I needed to do and how I needed to be and what I needed from other people. So I became the boundaries queen, like. We don't love each other. We're going to be comfortable. We're going to both feel safe. But me shrinking in front of you means I need to enforce boundaries or you got to exit stage left. And that's me honoring myself.

Sam:

That's amazing. And I definitely agree with everything you just said. And there's actually this analogy that says how like dating should be. It should be. You know the whole, like, cup analogy, so you have two cups, basically, you and your partner are a cup. And instead of being a half a cup and you come together and fill a whole cup, is you both should be full cups that pour into your quote unquote relationship cup, and that cup should be overflowing because you both are already full on your

Janine:

own. I love that. I've never heard that analogy. I love it. And it's so important because I just think about how I've dated in the past and like some of my exes, I'm like, girl, what was I thinking? And like one of them I want to marry. What was I thinking? So it's like you said, it's so important that you are whole because when you are whole. You can pour into other people and ladies who are not whole think about how you go to work, tired, you're parenting, tired, you're not missed out on social activities. Cause you're trying to build this legacy. You're trying to break generational curses. You're trying to be successful. Look how depleted you are. And if you took a step back, which is biblical, rest is biblical. God gave so many people in the Bible messages as they were resting. And the reason for that is because you can hear clearly, but if you rested, And you filled up your cup and then you up your partner's cup or your children's cup or whatever other body's cup or whatever you're doing cup. Think about how much more rich that would be. Oh, Sam, you hit the nail on the head. We can stop talking. That's the message. Yo, that was the message.

Sam:

That's the message. Yeah. So that's actually, I just talked about this in last week's podcast, that that is one of my goals for this month, which it's always kind of my thing, but is to do more things that make me step outside my comfort zone. So solo traveling, you know, just doing things that I would normally be like, no, I don't like hanging out with a group of people. I don't really normally want to, but like doing things. Cause I think that's where, Growth happens. That's where you push yourself into uncomfortable situations. And once you're done with them, you realize like, wow, that wasn't actually that bad. And in the process of it all, you got to know yourself so much better. Like you learn something about yourself. You learn, like you said, you learn something about yourself because someone said something to you that made you uncomfortable. And then you're like, well, why did that make me uncomfortable? You learn yourself. More in those ways too. So that's something I'm working on for this month is just, you know, keep saying yes to the things that I normally wouldn't and try new things that make me learn about me a little bit more.

Janine:

So I'm actually getting to know myself as a healed person dating. Cause this is my first time being really healed, really confident and free as a breeze, do as I please. So I'm dating and with intention of getting married, but I told myself similar to you, like you're getting out of your comfort zone. If I have nothing to lose the date is a yes. And it's been kind of interesting because I mean, let's be all be honest. We go off of looks. I mean, that's what gets you in the inbox. So let's be honest. I've gone out with some guys that I'm not attracted to in the beginning. However, we've had some conversations or something. And sometimes it turns into, Oh, they're handsome. Or I like that. They're so smart. So I've been doing that lately. And I will say it's uncomfortable. However, I need to date as the person I am today. And I need to see other people because the people that I've dated previously, we don't even align because I'm so different. But like you said, getting out of your comfort zone, I'm using dating as an example, cause that's really fresh right now. And it's so important. I think moving to Dallas was who out of my comfort zone.

Sam:

That's awesome. So as we're kind of talking about confidence and all this stuff, you kind of, I don't know, trademarked or came up with confidence. Is that how you say it? Yes.

Janine:

Yeah, so I technically didn't come up with the phrase or the word nce, but the way I spell it, I would say God came up with that. I was in the midst of a social media fast and really connecting with God, and I was so desperate during this time. I had moved to my fourth place in five months in Dallas after living with no water for a month in one place, moving to a rat colony in another place, and for people who don't understand what a rat colony is, it's not that much different than an infestation. You have a lot of rats and they can have babies by the hundreds. So I moved into that, and I was like, God, you called me to Dallas, but what's going on? Like, I need you. And then I moved into a hotel for a week before moving to the place I live now. And so I already scheduled a ticket to go back to Oregon and stay with my family for a little bit. And I feel like that was a very healthy compromise with God. Yes, I was compromising with God. Because the other option was move back. And I knew that if I moved back, I was being disobedient to who God called me to be. And so I was really desperate. I was really lost, suicidal, confused, and wondering, God, why did you bring me here to leave me? Like, and I know you haven't left me, so what's going on? You, you need to get it together. I'm just gonna, I talk to God the way I talk to God, and let me... I'm bossy and I will go to God and be like, what are you doing? What have you already done that I can't see? Show me. I think it's so important that when you go to God, you don't perform. I'm not like, God, please tell me what you're doing. That ain't help. Nope. And so I'm in Oregon and I'm on a healing month. Like I was in Oregon for four weeks. Three of the four weeks, I focused only on me because I needed to heal and restore my faith. I needed something new to ground me because I had suffered for so many months that I was like, I have to have something new. And so while I'm in this praying time, this fasting time, this connecting to God, stripping me and really leaning on God, I was in the midst of watching a video and God said, God for this. And I said, what? Cause I had briefly heard of the word, but I didn't really know what it meant. But the way I spell it, that first I is lowercase. If you notice and everything else is capitalized and I Google it, I'm like, is that even a thing? And so it's not a thing that way, but it is a thing without the I. And I said, God, what does this mean? And God said, it's little I a. k. a. us and big God. And if we have confidence and confidence in God, we're going to have confidence in ourselves. And the missing piece for ladies of faith is looking at the social media, looking to influencers, looking to other people for confidence, imitating what you see. And then wondering why every so often you keep shaking and you keep hitting rock bottom because there is no source, there is no foundation, and your roots are planted in things that are not, that are not life giving. And so that's why it shakes, and that's why you're unclear about that. And that used to be me. So that's how I can speak to it very clearly. And then I started reading the Bible more. And I didn't like reading the Bible previously, if I'm honest. I just felt like it was a bunch of words that I didn't understand. I also was raised on the King James version. So I was like, let's switch it up a little bit. Sometimes I get it, but what I will say is I started reading the Bible more when I started going to the Bible based on what I needed. Was it confidence? Well, it's not in the Bible, but was it confidence? Was it obedience? Was it hope? Was it love? I would look up those themes and I would do Bible plans based on those themes. And I would read the Bible plan from the Bible app that you can download on your phone. But I would read the scriptures in different translations. And I found this is going to sound so kiddish and that's okay. I found out the international children's Bible is one of my. Faith because it's clear as day. And that was so important to understand the word clear as day. So that I knew who God was, who I was becoming, who I was and how I could really lean on God. So confidence is you having confidence and being rooted in God and knowing that. The confidence in you is going to flourish. And how do you know that? And what does that look like? Because that's so important. I am a words affirmation girl. And I didn't know I loved this until I was healed, but I love compliments. I love them. And so one place I get a lot of compliments and I frequent this place a lot is the gym. And people are like, you have such a glow about you. You inspire me to run at the gym. I love that you're in your sports bra. I wear my sports bra now. And the reason why I say, you know, that you're confident when you experience this, Is because it's so spiritual. It's so spiritual and you know how you feel God, but you don't see God, but you feel it, it's like a spiritual thing that you just feel, you know, that there's anointing and people who are not Christian. They know that there's something about you. People call it a glow and they want that. They want to know more about that. And that's how I'm like. God, I see you. You did a wonderful thing.

Sam:

Amen. Amen to everything you just said. You just covered so many different things. And this is something that you help other women like achieve too. This is what you do in your coaching work. This

Janine:

is what I do in my coaching work. So I, I really talk about healing from your past. And a lot about forgiveness. Something that stops us from healing. Forgiveness. And I don't like the way we've been taught to forgive. Ooh, Christians love to tell Christians to forgive and move on. Oh, you got slapped once, turn the cheek and get slapped again. I don't believe in that. No, I don't believe in that. I do believe in forgiving, but I think there's, there's a deeper level to that. And so I go really deeply into forgiving and not always expecting The person to ask for forgiveness, because you may not forget that, but how can you and your soul be okay with what happened to you? Like, how is it today when I just told y'all my biological mother threw me under the bus and caused a criminal record for me, but how is it that I can call her today? Like that's, that's a deep level of forgiveness for someone that threw me in jail 50 days and I'm willing to entertain. I'm willing to be in relationship with them, but it's forgiveness. It's the beauty of forgiveness on my terms and setting boundaries with that. So I talk about that, I talk about cultivating confidence and how do you have this relationship with God on your terms, not on Janine's terms, not how Janine's doing it, not how you see your pastor doing it, but making it personal because if the relationship is not personal, it's not going to work. And that's why you probably don't want to go to church, you be dragging like, Oh, I gotta be here. I should be here, but I don't want to be here. It's not personal. How do you hear the sermon? Take notes, go back home, read that scripture for yourself, apply it to yourself, eat the meat and leave the bones. Whatever doesn't work for you, just, you know, toss it. And if God needs you to know that message, it'll come up to you in the universe. Things will come back to you. And then my favorite. I shouldn't say this, but my favorite, one of my favorite things that I teach is live the life of your dreams. I am passionate about women living the lives of their dreams because society tells us all the time who we should be, how we should be. You should be skinny. You should be blonde. You should be this. You should be that. You should have this gender role. Oh, I'm so sick of those messages. No, who do you want to be? Like, it's not common. I know that for women to be confident, Speak boldly about their accomplishments and to say that they love compliments. Like we're supposed to be a lady and dainty not compliment me, boo. Cause I love them. And I want you to figure out what you love and get more of that. Like, it is not like I'm out here seeking compliments. I get them because I am so rooted. Rooted in who I am. I'm so rooted in my relationship with God. And so I think you being rooted and you live in life of your dreams and whatever that means, how do you embrace that? Especially the unknown, because living the life of your dreams as a woman is so unknown. I was never taught as a kid to live life, my dreams. They were, they were squandered and squashed all the time. And I was taught to be a caretaker. All women should be caretakers. What? We don't all want kids and responsibilities like that. I love teaching about living life of your dreams.

Sam:

I love that so much. And I know that you mentioned earlier too, that you were called to move to Dallas and that you were called to do different things that God was speaking to you. Can you explain to the people who may not follow the Lord yet or don't have a relationship with God? Yeah. Absolutely. What does that mean when, you know, God told you to do this? Cause some people are like, I don't think I've ever heard God's voice.

Janine:

I love it. Thank you. So I think there's a couple of ways God speaks to one person. I think it's very important if you're looking for something from God and you should go with God with requests, you should. And I want you to think that, to know that God hears you and God wants the best for you. God is like a. And if you have had traumatic parents, think of a loving, caring parent that wants nothing but the best for you. That's going to go the extra mile to make sure you have what you need. That's God. So God will speak to you when you're not distracted. God will speak to other people. Like maybe I spoke to you today. Maybe you had a prayer and I said something that answered your prayer. If that is you today. Act immediately on whatever strikes you, whatever gained your interest. If Sam said something that answered your prayer, you resonated with, that's God. That is God. And then another thing is God can be nagging. Oh baby. Nobody talks about how God is. can be so naggy and you're like, shut up. I heard you. I'm going to move. So you've been called to do something and you've seen messages repeatedly. You've heard this voice in the back of your head, tell you to do it repeatedly. That is God. You need to act now. You need to act now. Because if you don't act, the consequences of being disobedient cost entirely too much. And you're allowing fear to stop you, but don't be so hard on yourself. I don't hear God. I don't hear God what you could do every morning when you wake up or every night when you go to bed or even during the day, whenever take a seat and we sit down, you know, get in the posture of receiving. I always like to have my hands like this very open when I'm praying. I lay them on my lap to me. It's a sign to God that I'm open and I want whatever you have for me and then take three deep breaths sit back. And just, of course, if you're new to meditating, you know, and Christians, some Christian like meditation to me, meditation is you being quiet, allowing God to talk to you, prayer is you going to talk to God and you can't hear God if you're always talking to God, like, can't nobody hear anybody, they always talking. Right? So go and sit down and. Breathe and take deep breaths. And as your mind wanders, allow it to wander and bring it back in and say, God, I'm here to receive. I want to hear your voice. I'm hungry and thirsty for your voice. And God will start speaking to you in a way that you can hear God because God has your attention. But God is always talking to you. You may have put a period where God put a comment.

Sam:

Amen. That's awesome. And actually, if you heard my story of how I got back to church, it was in that same podcast with Nick. It was the same naggy voice that you were just describing, which I feel like I've never actually heard somebody else talk about that naggy voice. So maybe you did just answer a prayer, but yeah, that's the same exact way that I was called to church is that I was away for a while. And then just like, It was like, we usually, when I woke up in the morning, it would just be like, go back to church, go back to church. And like, like you said, it got so nagging. I was like, all right, like I'll go, I'll go. But like another way too, that I think God can speak to you is kind of what you were saying. Like if one of us said something, you know, God speaks through people or, you know, if God's, if you hear like a voice in your head that like you randomly think of a person and you're like, I haven't thought of them in a while, like maybe I should text them, that's God, that's God saying like, reach out and text them that. You know, there's probably something that either they need to tell you, or you need to tell them, vice versa. And there, there's many different ways that, you know, God can speak to you. And my brother would say to me, like, oh, I never, I never hear back from God or whatever, because he thinks it's a hotline, right? And it's like,

Janine:

it's so funny. He thinks of the hotline.

Sam:

He really does. Yeah. But he never quiets his mind enough. Sorry. Sorry, brother. I'm calling you out on this podcast right now, but like you need to quiet your mind enough, which is so hard in today's day and age where we have so much like stimuli around us all the time. So like just driving with no music on, going for a walk in nature, no podcasts, like doing things like that that are like unnormal to us nowadays. But I think those are ways that, you know, you can hear a voice that's not everybody else's.

Janine:

Oh, Sam, you said a lot. Okay, I'm going to apologize right now because if you hear fireworks in the background, that is very true. The city is doing fireworks right now. Oh my God, you said two things I really want to talk about. And the first one is... Nature is a great way. A lot of people connect with God, and I think part of that is because we see the unimaginable. Think about I'm I love sunsets and sunrise sunrises. I might not be your thing, but think about the sunset in the sunrise. And how beautiful that is day in and day out, that is God's creation. And so I really, really worked on going on a walk every day without an iPad, without a cell phone and allowing the spirit to use me to, to do whatever it needs to do, but allowing God to talk to me, I feel like if you struggle with hearing God's voice going daily walks, and I want to be very clear. Because women, we are overachievers and we work too dang hard and you want to make this a whole to do list and I need to do this and that and it needs to be 20 minutes. Where's that in the Bible? Do you know there's not a scripture that tells you how much time you're supposed to spend with God? Because all of it is significant whether it's a minute thank you God for this meal or 20 minutes of whatever you're doing. All of it is significant and matters to God. So I want you to take a walk and it may be hard so how about a five minute walk without your phone. Okay. You need safety. So if you don't have an Apple watch, it can have selly or anything. Think about safety. So if you need your phone, take your phone. But the point is to eliminate distractions and really connect with God while you're walking. The second thing that you said that I struggled with, and I have really embraced it and been okay with it is that we are living in a culture. Where considerate action is not taking place in the sense that people are not checking up on people. And so, as someone who thinks about people very often, not always reach out, and I feel like people don't reach out to take care of me or to check on me, I have learned that that is... It's my divine gift and so I'm going to sit in that and check on people and let them know I think about them and know that somebody's taking care of me in a different way. It may not be that person. So I want to encourage you that if you are that thoughtful person who's always checking on people to continue to do that and see that as you serving others versus it's a one way street relationship. Now, I'm not saying you always invite this person out and they never invite you out, but. Hey, I'm thinking about you. How are you? It's so beautiful. So maybe you can do that. But that came to mind and yeah, we all want an instant pot relationship with God and results and it's a crock pot. It's a crock pot.

Sam:

Yeah. And also, like you said, too, though you listened to God's voice when you said moved up to Dallas, the more we obey God and the more we understand God's voice, the more clear it'll become to us too. If we keep just ignoring it, like it's going to become. Another thing that we don't hear and it's less clear to us, but the more we obey and we hear it's going to be more clear to us and more present and we can understand where we're making any decision that we can go seek God's whatever God wants for us and then we can act on that and sometimes no answer right away is an answer to like sometimes it's just not now, not now, but later.

Janine:

Yes, and you know what? I want to talk about a little bit because I think sometimes we believe that when we start being obedient to God, sometimes we won't result immediately or we put or we put just a time limit on our time frame on it. And I remember in your an episode about the Q and a getting to know you, you went to a new church and you're like, I'm not going to meet anybody for a while. And the back of your head attracted Nick, the back of your head in a few months attracted Nick. Yeah. And so your obedience brought you a very fruitful relationship. And I want to tell you that sometimes God will speak to you and change your life immediately. And then other times God will wait. And I'm going to talk about the waiting because that happened to me. And the reason why God is waiting to give you what you're asking for is because you will fumble the bag because you don't think you're worthy. You're not willing to do the work. You're not listening. You're distracted. And that was me. I was praying to God about my business. And I wanted newness in my business. I wanted women to hear my prayers and knew that I was a coach for them. Long story short, my business wasn't making it was like not providing any income. I was like, God, do you want me to go work for the city of Dallas? Cause I worked in government most of my life. And what it was is when I wrote the vision, I didn't feel worthy of it. And so if I didn't feel worthy of it, why would God give it to me for me to mess it up? And so I did it. And now that I'm so clear and feel very worthy and free, I'm starting to see things move in my life that I didn't expect. And God will blow your mind when you're obedient. See, I can speak to it. Sam didn't expect to meet Nick and be all in love and him interview on her in a podcast, but her obedience brought that. And I'm sure your obedience is bringing other things. I only can speak to that because that's what was, that's what I heard. But just knowing, well, Sam also didn't know that Sam wanted a podcast. But Sam did something, Sam started moving forward, and God said, Sam, people need to hear your voice on this podcast. Sam, people need to see you here and there, and one thing that God will make very clear to you, God's going to give you one step, and the problem with people like me, I'm going to put it on me, because I don't want to come for you, sis, you don't know me, is that you want the full staircase, you want to know what the end result is, God's going to give it to you. I want the whole picture. You

Sam:

have to just take a step out, kind of like Peter did on the water. You have to take a step out and trust. Yes,

Janine:

that was a good example. You have to take that one step. You know, Peter was nervous. Peter's faith was really tested, and that's how your faith is going to be tested. But take that initial step, and then God will reveal to you the next step, and as you take A step forward, another step forward. God may cause you to pivot. When I reached out to Sam about being interviewed on her podcast, I was fully in Godfidence. And I realized Godfidence was more for me than it is the ladies I'm going to serve. Of course, I'm going to tell you about God and the importance of the relationship with God, but I needed Godfidence first before I could come out to you. And so I made a pivot in my business based on The steps that God told me to take and now is asking me to pivot. It's so beautiful when you listen to that nagging voice. I think about when we were teenagers, I'm sure we all can relate. And your mom's like, do this, do that, do this, do that. And you're like, Oh my God, was she hush? And then you forget, you say, okay, I got it. You said you got it. Then she came home from, she comes home from work. And guess what you didn't do a couple of things off that list and she'll see him. Didn't I tell you to do blah, blah, blah. Janine, didn't do blah, blah, blah. I won't say God is exactly like that, but that nagging voice that you remember from your parents, sorry, parents who listened to this. It's okay. We get it. We frustrate y'all cause we don't listen. We get it. That's the same way with God. God is just going to keep reminding you and keep reminding you.

Sam:

And the same with our parents. It's all out of

Janine:

love. Yes, I, Ooh, I've been in such a beautiful place. Right now of I have a very loving mother, my adoptive mom. I just call her mom, but I want to make sure that you're clear. We are best friends. I love that lady with everything and she can be nagging. She knows it. And I equate my relationship with God similar to my mom. Your parents who are loving and kind and see you want nothing but the best for you. And sometimes they tell you things to do and not do, even as adults, not living in their house. They still want to tell you what to do and what not to do. It's because they know what's to come because they have so much wisdom that we may not have. And that's the same thing with God. God told you to take this first step. And then you're like, okay, God, you told me to take this. I'm going to take the next step. And you're telling me to do this. Maybe God was preparing you as an individual to go to the next step, which was not the step you thought, but God is doing all of this in a loving way. And so if you can see God as that loving parent you have, or you wish you had, and you continue to go, I'm telling you that I've been talking a lot about obedience because it pays off. It pays off. And to remember that you are in this world, but you are not of this world.

Sam:

I have one last question for you today before we wrapped up today's podcast. What is your number one tip for getting out of your own way?

Janine:

To eliminate distractions in general. Because when you, you get in your own way because of distractions, that could be fear, that could be social media, if you eliminate those things, even if it's just for like a few hours, you start journaling. Well, first of all, you need to do some deep breathing because you still got, you know, that mindset from whatever you were doing. But if you deep breathe and bring yourself. To this natural state of peace and you journal so much will come to mind like I would really love for the person who's trying to get out of their own way, right? Your big vision and these are gonna be things that you want, but you don't think you're worthy of because you're you're trying to become confident. I want you to do that. And then I want you to start daily looking over that vision. Why? Because you're programming your subconscious mind to program your conscious mind to see those things and to get those things. And so that's the biggest way to get out of your, get out of your own way. I love that question. I mean, I love the podcast name because baby, we all need to get our own way.

Sam:

I'm definitely a big advocate of journaling too. I'm definitely two different people when I'm journaling, like I do it in the morning. So when I'm doing it in the morning consistently versus, you know, on the weekends, or if I just like get distracted and I'm not journaling, two different people, one's way more clear minded.

Janine:

Me too. Me too. And I love that I'm more focused on quality versus quantity of everything in my life and how I do journal a lot more and to go back on some of the journals, like you're so dramatic, but to go back on some of them, like, oh my God, that came true. And part of it's like, I didn't even know that came true. It's because we're programming ourselves to live the life of our dreams. And so I love journaling. It's so life giving. So

Sam:

what kind of women do you help with? Like, what is your ideal client? Who are you looking for to help

Janine:

with their journey? I am looking for ladies who have some shame and guilt around their past and ready to let that shame and guilt go because they know that they didn't cause whatever happened to them. So healing from your past, really wanting to gain confidence and feel worthy and live life with your dreams. That is the lady I'm looking for because I am qualified to help you best. First of all. Second of all, I've helped hundreds of women like you. And so I have a proven method for you to work with me and really come out of this being that girl. Like, it's so amazing. I stay in contact with all of my clients and some of them I haven't worked with in years. I go back to him, like, how's things going? I'm like, Oh my God, that boundaries exercise you gave me that helped me set boundaries with my mom. And that helped me get a promotion at my job. And it's just so life giving to see. People come into the program feeling unworthy, not confident and leaving like, I'm untouchable. Try me if you want to.

Sam:

I love that. And then where can everybody find you? Like, how can people connect with you?

Janine:

Yeah. So I have a YouTube channel where I share videos. They're really short. That's Engineering Gates, as well as Instagram, Engineering Gates, Tik Tok. I'm on all the things, Engineering Gates. And then I have a weekly podcast where it's me sitting on my couch, having a girlfriend conversation with you and that's your life, your rules. So I look forward to connecting with you and getting to know you.

Sam:

That's so amazing. I really appreciate you coming on the show and I hope that we can do this again in the future because I feel like we have so much we could continue to still talk about. So I hope to have you back on the show one day and I really appreciate you coming on the show. So thank

Janine:

you so much. You're so welcome. Sam has been such a pleasure. I want you to come on my show so I can interview you so people can get to know you because your audience got to know me. I would love your audience to get to know you on my platform, but also for my audience to get to know you and how you're confidently showing up and you're going after your dreams, like you didn't want to start a podcast and you're showing up and you're giving some good quality. So I would love. For you to come on my show and absolutely let's stay in contact.

Sam:

Yes, definitely. Let's set that up. Cause I'm definitely interested in coming on your show as well. Thank you everybody for listening to today's podcast. Make sure that you like and rate the podcast and then also follow us on social media at Sam DeSalvo. And then you can always write into the submissions at get out of your own way podcast on the website. And then you can just share a story with us, how you got out of your own way. And until next time, I'll talk to you guys next time. Thank you so much for listening. Bye guys.