Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo

Quit the Comparison Game for Good

December 05, 2023 Samantha DeSalvo Season 2 Episode 5
Get Out Of Your Own Way with Sam DeSalvo
Quit the Comparison Game for Good
Show Notes Transcript

This week we are talking about COMPARISON and how we can overcome it.  In a world dominated by social media's highlight reels, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and question our choices. I've been there, and I know you have too. From tackling social media envy to finding gratitude and contentment, let's navigate the pitfalls together. Your story is unique, and it's time to break free from the comparison trap.


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What is up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Thanks for joining me today. today I'm going to be talking about Comparacism and how it affects us, signs that you're doing it, and also how to stop doing it. But before I get into that, I want to incorporate a new segment into this podcast weekly. The new segment is going to be a journal prompt of the week. Just a question that I'm going to ask and that you can take with you and ponder on during the week. You can write it down, reflect on it, something for you to just Get to know yourself a little bit better and also just to dig a little deeper into who you are so that you can get out of your own way. This week's journal prompt is what is something that you want to work towards? This is really great going into the new year and something that you can think about what do you want to work on in the new years. For me, mine is to do tasks well. So to work on things one at a time. So take the time to slow down to work on a task and do a really good job at it instead of just rushing through and not feeling like I gave it my best effort. I really want to be intentional about the things that I do, the things that I spend time on, and also Just like I said, doing a really good job at the things I do. So I'm going to be doing those every single week, just giving you a little nugget to think about as you go on during this week. And then I'll give you a new one next week. So jumping into today's topic, we all know that Comparacism is the thief of all joy. It takes us away from our purpose, our passions, and we end up looking at everybody around us and feeling so inadequate. This is something that I've been really struggling with lately. I feel like I have just really been comparing myself to other people around me, and it's making me feel less than. And along with that, I feel like a lot of other people are struggling with the same thing. Other podcasts that I listen to, other people that I talk to in person, or just different topics that I feel as keeps coming up is about comparism and the reason that I think this is coming up a lot is because of social media. We are comparing our lives to so many other people's lives around us. Like we have access to so many people's lives. That in if social media didn't exist, we wouldn't know what any of these people were up to besides, like, our closest circle. We have, access to too many people, essentially, It really is a double edged sword because we are our minds are open to the different opportunities that we could do and different. Ways of life, the different ways that people are living their lives, the different businesses that people are starting or the different, just like adventures that people are going on the careers. It opens up a world of just so many options. And I feel like that is almost paralyzing to us. And we are so fortunate to live in a country and in a world that we do get to have so many options, but it makes us feel like, are we making the right choices and. It drives us away from our own path and we end up looking at everybody else's path it ends up making you have shiny object syndrome where you're just like reaching out all these different paths that look like, Oh, this could lead me to happiness. This could bring me joy. This could lead me to overnight success. And you're reaching for all these things and you're never just content with what you have, your own path in your own life. With that said like everyone's life looks so good on social media. Everyone's just sharing their highlight reel Like the best parts of their life, so we don't even get to see the negative sides of their lives So it really confuses us internally because we're reaching for basically unrealistic standards. Because the thing is, is that everyone is facing their own battles. We just don't know about them. So if we saw the negative side of these people's lives, would we even want them? That's a question that we don't know the answer to. Comparing can be so detrimental because like I said, it takes us away from what we have going for for our own lives and our own talents. And it is definitely not what the Lord intended for us to do. The Bible even warns us that comparing our lives to others is not the brightest thing to do and it's not going to lead us to happiness. So in 2 Corinthians 10, Paul the Apostle says, Measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise. Because essentially when you compare anything you have to create a complex So either superior or inferior and you're gonna put yourself in one of those categories So social media and us comparing ourselves to other people's lives around us Shows everything that we lack not our gain, but our lack and honestly, it can be really hard when it feels like everyone around you is getting all the things that you want. Having a baby, getting married, getting a job or getting the job that you want, getting a promotion or having a good girl gang or group of friends, things that you really desire you're just wondering When is it going to be your time, or is it ever going to be that time? Is God going to fulfill his promises? And you just end up feeling so inadequate, and it makes you insecure. You're like, what am I doing wrong? You start to question everything. You start to doubt everything. If you've been struggling with the comparison trap like I have been, or if you're not sure if you have, here are some common indicators that you might be struggling with comparisism. The first one is envy on social media, constant self criticism, You're constantly seeking external validation. You have an unhealthy level of competition. You are always copying behaviors that you see online or copying lifestyles that you are never satisfied or content. You have a difficulty celebrating others. You put an overemphasis on external markers of success. You have a fear of judgment and criticism. You neglect your own personal strengths and what makes you, you. You are constantly feeling inadequate and you just experience a lot of jealousy and resentment. So recognizing these signs is the first step to Getting past comparism and moving towards a healthier mindset. So it's so important to just be self aware and accept where we're at right now and then move through this journey. So if you recognize that you fall into any of those categories, don't beat yourself up for it. It's more important to just like meet yourself where you're at and notice that you do have some of those things and how can you work past them. The thing with comparicism is if we hop on everyone else's idea of success, we are missing what God has for us. We were born with our own gifts and talents and God has something special in store for us in our own story. So the point that I want to get across to you today is that God made you intentionally different from other people, and you are made Out of his divine design, your mannerisms, your insights, your thought process, how you do work, your style, your quirks that are so different from other people that you beat yourself up about. Those might be the same exact qualities that make you uniquely positioned to fulfill A specific need for God's kingdom, for your purpose on this earth. What makes you you, makes you positioned to do what you need to do here. And I'm not saying that we don't have things that we need to work on or that we need to change. God will show us what are the things that need to be changed one at a time. He will prune us. He will make us better. He will make us more like His image, but not all at once. So we, we go through different lessons. We go through different seasons and that's where We are sanctified to become more like Jesus, but those things happen one at a time. The problem that we're facing today is that we want to restructure our whole lives, our whole identity to become like these people that we see online, and that we don't even see the struggles that they are going through. So it is so important to guard your mind, and there's so many Bible passages about guard your mind, guard your heart, and to not let the enemy shift you from eyes on Jesus, and now we're looking at everybody around us. That is the enemy's goal, is to keep us away from looking towards God's plan for our life, and to keep us stuck in the comparisism trap. So now I want to give you guys practical tips on how you can stop comparing your lives. To other people around you how to get out of the comparism trap. The first one is to limit your use on social media So limit apps like Instagram and tik tok where you are diving into the lives of others You have so much access to honestly the fake versions of everybody's life Like, you don't know the behind the scenes. You don't know the battles they're facing. And like I said in the beginning, if you did, you may not even want their lives. So try to limit yourself from Following too many influencers and being obsessed with their lives and making them idols. And of course you don't need to get rid of your social media in total, but you know, just limit your time and be self aware of these things. Be aware that it is a highlight reel, that you're not seeing all the sides of this. You see that relationship online, you don't know what they're fighting about. You see that job. You don't know their commute to work. You see, like, you know, the sides of everything. So try to limit your social media use and remember that it is not all real. Try to use apps that inspire you and help you cultivate your creativity, like Pinterest or YouTube, things that are based on, like, your own algorithm and, like, I love Pinterest. It fires up my, my inspiration. I always feel so creative on that, that platform. It's things that I want to see rather than looking at a bunch of people's lives and what they're up to, what they're achieving. And this and that. So limit your use of social media. The next one is to fix your eyes on Jesus. So I kind of did just touch upon this, but I want to go a little bit deeper. If you fix your eyes on Jesus, He will make sure that you accomplish all that He called you to do. So God has a plan for your life and God has a purpose for you on this planet and in this experience. And if you keep your eyes focused on Him and what He wants for your life and you seek Him first and seek His kingdom first, then you will walk your purpose out in full. And it might not be in the way that you expected, but that's you relinquishing control and giving it over to God. I want you guys to hear me out on this. The enemy's first scheme is going to try to get you back in your past. He's going to want you to get back to your old ways, the worldly ways, the ways that you once were living. And once he realizes that you are devoted and you're not going back to who you once were, his next scheme is going to make you look around at everybody around you. He's going to want to try to make you get your eyes off of Jesus and start comparing yourself to everybody around you. So if he can't get you back to your old life, your old ways, your old sins, he will Want to make you obsessed with what everyone else is doing or isn't doing around you. And once he gets you in the Comparisism trap, you will start to believe the lie that God is blessing everybody around you. And that he forgot about you or he doesn't love you as much as other people. And that could be further from the truth. God has his own beautiful plan for your life, your own unique life that you cannot see how it all needs to play out. You need to be in this season for a specific reason for a certain lesson so that you can flourish in your next season. So when you are looking around at everyone else so that the enemy has you in the comparison trap, you have your eyes fixed on everything else besides him. You start to doubt him. You start to wonder if he's even there. You're no longer looking towards Jesus, the author and the finisher. of your story. And instead, you are looking at all the other people in the race around you, the people that are either going faster than you or the people that are going slower than you. And this will give you a false sense of either encouragement or discouragement. So if you're looking at other people and you realize they're behind you, they're doing worse than you, and that encourages you, that's a false sense of encouragement. Or if you are seeking the people that are way ahead of you and they're on chapter 20 when you're only on chapter one of your own story, that will give you a false sense of discouragement. So stop looking around at everything around you. Instead, turn away from the enemy, and turn towards God, turn towards God's plan, turns towards the promises that you know that he's made in your life. And I think once you can recognize that Comparacism is a thief of joy, and it is a scheme from the enemy, is not what Jesus has for our life, you can start to recognize it, and then you can start to turn away from it even, faster. And you can just You can recognize the tactics. So, sorry. That was a lot and I feel like I just dropped a couple bombs there, but I just feel like that was so necessary and so powerful. So moving on to the next way that you can stop comparing yourself to other people around you is gratitude. So there are things in your life right now that you used to pray for. Stop and just take a minute and Think about what was it in your life right now that you have, that you used to pray for. There's probably a lot more than you think. And if you're a journaler like me, I have journals from two, three years ago. I can go back and look at all those things. I know, I know some of my prayers have been answered. Whether that be getting out of a A relationship or starting businesses that I have and just, you know, praying for direction and all those things and having those things fulfilled. Like there are even small prayers that have been answered. And so take the time and just practice gratitude. And moving on to the next one is the power of unlocking contentment. So we live in a world with so much instant gratification. So much is available right at our fingertips all the time. Most of us have a hard time focusing on things because we are so used to being stimulated all the time. So going back to my journal prompt of the week, what am I working on right now? And I said that it's doing things One thing at a time, slowing down and doing it well. It kind of fits into this category because clearly I've had a hard time being content, going slow with things, you know, maybe I'm not completely stimulated while I'm doing it, but being okay with that, that's something that I'm working on. So I would like to propose to you that overnight success. doesn't exist. Rome wasn't built in a day. The beautiful things that you see of our world right now were not built in a day. They were years and so much time and so much hard work put into it. And it's about the small, tiny tasks and habits that you do day in and day out that are building your life. When we are so focused on achieving, we lose sight of enjoying each step that already has so many blessings and things to be learned right where we're at right now. And it is so uncommon To be content that I want to challenge you to become the person who is content in any given situation. Like, I feel like that will be your superpower because we live in such a world that we are so stimulated all the time. We live in hustle culture. We are just raised to think that doing more is always better. And I would like to argue that that is not true. I think doing tasks really well is better and taking your time at things. So that's my proposal for you guys is to challenge yourself to learn how to be content in whatever season of your life is. And to look at it from a different perspective. Look at all the blessings that are here right now. What do you get in this season right now that you might not get in the next season? Like If you live at home, you still get to enjoy the time with your parents, or if you're a new mother, you get to enjoy this time with your baby that one day they will be grown up and they will leave the nest. So try to look at your life from a different perspective of what can I learn in this season that I'm in right now and what do I have right now that I have always prayed for or have been praying for and received those blessings where you're at already. So moving on. to the next way to stop comparing yourself to other people is to celebrate others. And let me tell you, this is so hard when it feels like everybody else around you is getting what you want and why isn't it my turn yet? But showing that you trust that God is going to give you those things that you want in His timing, in your right timing, but the level of maturity and faith that is brought by selling That is brought by celebrating others is truly undeniable. It is showing that you trust that God is going to give you what you want in His and your right timing. And you will want to also be celebrated when your time comes. So whether that's getting married, getting engaged, having a baby, getting a job, getting a promotion, getting a new car. x, y, and z. You are going to want to be celebrated. So celebrate people in the same way that you will want to be celebrated when your time comes. And I agree that it is really hard to do so, and this is definitely something that you can pray about as well. But I think this also shows God in the universe that you let go of control. That, you know, you're not going to be envious or jealous of other people's success. That you know that Your time is coming. That God's in control. He hasn't forgotten about you. And I think anytime you do let go of control, like actually, like actually, I think you would be surprised. With how that converts into blessings like automatically for example I feel like when you finally get content with being single you're like like as long as you had been Praying on it and lamenting on it and just being so frustrated you don't get what you want But I feel like this time it just like works like this with so many people's stories that you're like, you know what? If this is my life and this is my plan, like, I'm happy with it. Like, I feel like I'm content, I, I'm not sad about it, blah, blah, blah. I always feel like that is when the right person walks into your life or you get the blessing. Cause God's like, thank you. That is what I wanted to hear. Here you go. I'm not saying that God is a conditional God and that's how he works, but I'm just like. Speaking from a place that I, I kind of do feel as if when you like let go of control and you let life happen exactly how it's supposed to, you're open yourself to receiving those blessings. And then the last thing I have for you guys to stop comparing yourself to other people around you is to use your past self as a benchmark of comparisism. Your past self is the only person you should be comparing yourself to. You should always be improving and working towards your goals and your values, but your only real competition Is who you were yesterday, who you were last month, who you were last year, and you're going to be able to see the growth, the compounding growth year after year, and you'll be able to be proud of that growth, and you might even have people who look up to you. And you inspire them to keep going, and they've seen the growth in you, and it inspires them to want to keep going. So, if you are able to work on those six things that I just mentioned, and you are able to stop comparing yourself so much to others, you will stop disregarding the very qualities that cause you to stand out from everybody around you and and you'll open the door and let go of the spirit of feeling inferior and feeling less than you'll let that go. And then you'll be able to let your own unique gifts shine and let God work in your life and let God help you live out the purpose that he has created you to do. I hope today's episode was helpful guys. If you liked it, let me know on Instagram. You can DM me at Sam DeSavo. We have a lot of good things in the work happening right now at the Wellness Hub. So I'm so excited to keep you guys updated for that. But before we head out, I also want to do something a little bit different today. I just want to pray for you guys before we go. So, Father God, I thank you for today's episode. Lord, I thank you for each and every single person listening to this and our own unique qualities that you have given us and how you differentiate us from others. God, I thank you for our own purposes and our own plans that you have for our lives, God. God, I declare that you are going to help us all prosper, Lord, in that we always seek you first, God. So, God, we apologize for any times that we've struggled feeling different and feeling like a bad different God, but I pray right now, Lord, that we will understand that our differences distinguish ourselves from other people's. God, you made us to fulfill a role that no one else can fulfill. So, we accept what You have for us, Lord. We surrender our lives to you, Lord. In Jesus name, I pray this. And seal it. Amen. Amen. Amen, thank you all for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, let me know, let me know, let me know. And I will talk to you guys next time.