S3 Ep 23 Stronger At 60: Mindset, Muscles, And The Truth About Aging Well with Heike Yates

Forget the anti-aging hype—let’s talk about getting strong enough to live the life you want. Coach and author Heike Yates joins us to unpack what midlife really means, why it isn’t a number, and how to trade comparison and guilt for confidence and capacity. We go deep on the mindset shifts that matter, the workouts that keep you independent, and the practical tools that help you reset without starting over.

Heike shares her powerful transition from high-mileage runner to fast hiker, swimmer, and cyclist after chronic knee pain. You’ll hear how she honored the grief of losing a former identity, then built a new one anchored in curiosity and function. We talk real midlife training: strength work as a non-negotiable, protein as a daily priority, and the surprising role your upper body and core play in running efficiency and posture. If you’ve been told to avoid heavy weights or fear “bulking,” this conversation will change your mind.

We also tackle the quiet saboteurs: people-pleasing, overwork, and the guilt that steals your training time. Heike’s take is crisp—time for yourself is essential, boundaries protect your health, and “no” is a complete sentence. You’ll learn how to choose the smallest next step, spot the right metric for progress, and design a routine that adapts to your season of life. From a 99-year-old client building balance to an 80-year-old reclaiming autonomy, the stories here prove it’s never too late to get stronger and feel like yourself.

If you’re ready to ditch the myths and build a body—and mindset—that lasts, press play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Your next chapter starts with one small step.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, and welcome back to Over the Next Tale Fitness Podcast. I'm Carla Coffee, your coach and host for the program today, of course. This podcast is brought to you by Coffee Crew Coaching. If you need a fitness,

Welcome And Sponsor Shoutouts

SPEAKER_01 0:15

mobility, run coach, whatever you're looking for, I probably could be that person for you. I might not be, but we can give it a try and see how it goes. You can reach out to me, Carla at coffeecrew coaching.com, send me an email, or you can go straight to the website and look around and see if there's anything that interests you. It's also brought to you by Hydro Patch. I wore my Hydro Patch yesterday for my 20-mile long run, felt great afterwards. So if you'd like to give it a try, there's a link in the show notes that you can try Hydro Patch as well. Today I'm going to be talking to Heika Yates. She has a book, a podcast, YouTube channel. All those links will be in the show notes as well. So please do give her a lookup. You guys can hear all

Meet Heike Yates

SPEAKER_01 1:05

about uh mindset and uh fitness in your midlife and more. So uh hope you enjoy the episode and we'll see you at the end. Thank you so much, Haika, for coming on the show in your busy scheduled life.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Carla, I'm super excited to talk to you today.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Me too. So let's get started. So, what got you started on midlife journey for women? Or tell us a little bit about you and your business.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

You know, I have two businesses, as I proudly like to say. I have a brick and mortar studio here in Maryland where I see men and women for Pilates, strength training, nutrition coaching, or a combination thereof. And there's also a lot of

What Midlife Really Means

SPEAKER_00 1:53

mindset coaching that goes along with it. But when I look back into back at my career of 40 years of in the fitness industry, I found that every 10 years or though, I somehow fall into the next niche, if you like to call it that. So it's in my 30s, I was talking about completely different things for the women in their and men in their 30s and 40s. And as I got older, I was like, well, we don't need to have the same conversation that we had in our 30s. Now we're on our 50s, 60s, 70s, and midlife to me is not a set number. Somebody was snickering at me the other day, because I said, you know what? 80 is still midlife. It's a mindset. It really is a mindset, in my opinion. Other people might say, oh, 50, this is the golden number of midlife. But what if I'm at 80 and I have somebody very specific in mind, is still busting loose and doing things, really great things for their health and their fitness and their mind, and keep growing as they're older, they're still in midlife. So I kept growing with my audience.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Nice. Yeah. And you're right, because I know for myself, I'm doing more in my 60s than I did in my 40s. So yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

And it has to fit our style. And and I just before when I waited for us to come online, I was scrolling through social media, and there's this young super fit woman, and she's crushing it, literally crushing it. And I was like, yeah, no, I don't want to do that anymore.

unknown 3:33

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah. You gotta know your limits too, I feel.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Like, you know, it's we we have all our little niggles as we get older, and we we just grow with those niggles and we work around those niggles, and and that's just how life is.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

So do you feel then uh along those lines that there are some myths that um we all kind of listen to because as we age, oh, you shouldn't do that, or this. What do you how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Yeah,

Myths, Media, And Body Image

SPEAKER_00 4:04

there's they're always myths. I don't know where they come from, but in my opinion, they come from uh the industry, as in manufacturers and people that want to sell stuff. They want to sell us on products to keep our skin a little bit more taut. Then they want us to help us to lose more body fat. And then they want to help us to build more muscle. So we have to buy another product or another outfit. Like the other day I came across a pair of tights, and they were they were great because they kept your tummy and and your butt from hanging. I'm like, what kind of pants are those? I must feel really claustrophobic in those things, like a girdle. And I'm like, and so the myths come with uh, I think, of us feeling that we always need to be young and able and capable and with it and smart about it and always have energy, which we don't.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, that's for sure. The other thing I I know, well, I'll I don't know that this to be a fact, but the models that they're using in these advertising, I know they can airbrush, they can use some AI, because who has that kind of body? I mean, like in real life. I I mean, yeah, you see the teenagers in high school, maybe, you know, 13, 14, but nobody who has had, you know, that's probably over 30 and has children has that kind of body that they're using for these ads. It's just so it's such a false advertisement.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

You know, this morning my husband went out biking for a weekend longer bike ride, and he's standing there and he says, I don't know what he was going to eat. And I said, as long as you don't get a big belly, we're in business. So he turns to the side and poses, and he says, Is this better? And I'm like, Oh my God, you're terrible. So we're both are posing each other. And when you look at the pictures, the listeners have to understand that most of the time people pose. They suck in their belly, they do a side twist, uh, and we all have a belly. And my husband has one, but I'm like, come on, we need to stay in shape as we get older. We have two grandkids now. It's like, it's we we don't have to be perfect. And when we look, like you said, either airbrushed, either AI, and you know what? We have to people, the people that are born that way, credit to. Some people are just born that way. They are lean, they are cut, they have muscles, they look at a dumbbell and suddenly, you know, they have muscles, we work our buttski off to get muscles, or they run a marathon with barely any training. Uh, but but most people, it's not that way. So people that are like that sometimes become our role models. And we say, oh, I want what she's having, and I want to look like this. Or, you know, I used to be a bodybuilder in my mid-30s. I worked so, so hard to have the body I had back then. It was my life. It was the way I ate. My kids were helping me with the whole process in supporting me and letting mom practice posing, but it's not a lifestyle. And if you see somebody that looks like this and they make it sound so easy, it's really not easy. And, you know, yes, you can buy the potions and the lotions and the whatnots and the butt lifters and whatever else. Your skin will be just the way it's gonna be as you age. No much, no matter how much collagen you're gonna slurp down.

unknown 7:33

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

You know, we were talking about this on our long run yesterday about how, you know, sometimes it is genetics. People just have those good genes, but the most of us don't. We really don't.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

No. We got to just go with, and I talk about this in my book, Pursue Your Spark. You gotta go with what you got. If you are a pear-shaped body, more power to you. Because no, who says that this is better or worse than a square body or a triangle body or whatever body types they're out there. But it comes down to feeling strong and capable and really embracing your life and feeling strong. And I've recently talked to a couple of my uh Instagram friends about this, about the let's stop diet ourselves skinny. Let's embrace getting stronger. You know, like you said, you ran with your friends. You probably felt so awesome being out there running and chatting and dealing with the whole world's problem. Uh, and then you felt great. You felt strong because you you did something.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Yeah, and you know, we weren't the fastest people past us and whatever, and that's okay. We did our thing and they did theirs, and and all life was good.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah, yeah. Don't measure yourself by the other people. That's the other thing. That's what are the myths you were talking about. You know, it's like I want to look like Susie on Instagram. I want to uh lose as much weight as Janet did in this program, and I want to run as at a pace with the eight, the eight o'clock group. I want to run as eight pace, uh, eight-minute pace. And you just, it's like, it's unrealistic at times. What's most important is have fun with what you do, do it consistently, and uh have, you know, and and have a goal, some kind of what do you want to do with this? You know, I'm like I said, I now have two grandkids, and my dog, my granddaughter is now three and a half, and I have a little video that we post on Instagram, the two of us working out together, and we're like, like, all very busy. We both are in our PJs and we're doing our thing. It was the best time.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we always uh when people pass this, we go, because like yesterday we did a 20 mile. I said, they're just not running 20 miles, that's why they're so fast. So even if we're not going, they're going further and they're faster than us, we're like, they're just not going as far as us, no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yep, yep. Or they've taken a shortcut.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

So, how do you feel? Um training changes like after your 30s, 40s, 50s. In your opinion, what do you tell your clients?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

I tell my clients to be curious about what's next, because my oldest client right now, in person, I don't

Strength Over Skinny

SPEAKER_00 10:22

see this person in on my virtual programs at the Pursue Your Spark Blueprint, but in person, he's 99 years old. His workout looks very different. I'm 64 than my workout, but he still keeps exercising. And so what I tell my clients is, and some of them, as they especially as they get to their 80s and past 80, they're having a little bit of regrets about not being able to play tennis anymore, or the knees hurting. There's a lot of arthritis in the knee, or whatever the age-related things that we get as we get older, which is normal that we have arthritis. It's normal that we have these things. Because I always say, back in the days, more like 16, 17, 100s, we'd be dead by now. We wouldn't be living anymore. Uh, healthcare or healthy lifestyles has brought us to where we are living into the late 90s, 100 years old, relatively well for the most part, or many people. Um, but it's embrace what you can do. It's like, okay, when I had to stop running about three years ago, running has been my love for 15 years. Since 2008, when I ran my first marathon, I was like, I'm not looking back. This is this is it. This is my identity, this is what I love to do. And then I got into triathlons and did all kinds of other things and ultra marathons and, you know, just checking, staying curious, checking out new things. And then my knee was just hurting all the time. And I was like, man, you know, I gotta bring down a mileage a little bit. And I was running 60 miles a week, so that's a lot of mileage. Um, but I figured, okay, here I'm offsetting it with my Pilates, with strength training, with stretching. So I'm I'm making sure everything stays, stays in place. But the knee wouldn't just get any better. So I went to an orthopedic surgeon and they looked at my knee and they said, schedule now, we're booking out three months in advance. You need a new knee. And I was like, Do I really? So I went to a friend of mine who is a actually a chiropractor, but he does other things too in his practice. And I said, Come on, look at my knee. Look at what you do. And he's he we worked a little bit through uh running training, which worked a little bit, but then I had to just concede and say, you know what? It's the impact that really hurts a lot. And I mean, a lot. And so I had to, it took me a year to wrap my head around that I am not a runner anymore, that I now hike, and I'm a pretty fast hiker and a fast walker. Um, but even that has its limits, but I have yet to replace my knee. So I have still both my knees, still, I mean, they look swollen and they look a little deformed, but oh well. But they they get me somewhere, they get me to where I do triathlons, where I can swim, where I can bike, great for that knee. And so when I look at my clients, I said, look, you have maybe a backpack right now. So let's do Pilates and strengthen. But what do you do right now that everyday activity that contributes to that pain when you're gardening? You know, are you using proper form? Are you really looking into uh how to pick things up from the floor and lift things, you know, functional fitness for that age. And it doesn't mean that you have to stop doing things, you just have to do them differently. And I keep telling them the story about me not being able to run. And it, like I said, I was grieving of not being a runner anymore. Um, and uh I said, okay, this is just what it is. I can do two things. I can keep grieving and feel sorry for myself, or I think of something else to do. And at the moment, it's hiking and I walk uh and um I swim and I bike. And so I went from the runner to the triathlete to now where I do uh just do disciplines, though usually just swim and the and the bike, and I think it's swimming. I'm really terrible at swimming, really slow, but it's okay. It's good for my body. It's okay. And that's what I keep telling everybody. Grieve about losing that, but don't get stuck with it. Don't let this thing hold you back and not enjoy life. There's so much more to that than running a marathon.

unknown 14:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah. Is that how you came about um writing the book Pursue Your Spark? Is that was because of that?

SPEAKER_00 15:02

No, Pursue Your Spark is the book came to be one of my clients who is the story in the book, and she can't still can't believe that she was the instigator, let's call it, in my book. So she just turned 80 and she's always been fit. I mean, she has scoliosis, she has uh hypermobility syndrome, and she has all kinds of things going on. Um, but she's always like, okay, I come to Pilates, Heike teaches me the exercises, and then she goes to the local YMCA, and then she takes classes there, and then she comes back and she says, you know, my back hearts. Was that a good exercise for me? And then we'll hash it out and we'll practice things. And but she keeps moving forward. And she also, you know, she goes outside the house and she has a singing group that she goes to, but suddenly her husband wasn't doing well anymore. He had back pain and she balance problems, and they're about similar in age. And so his life just went totally by the wayside. And from the stories, I mean, when you work with people one-on-one, you become their confidant. And all of my clients know I and it's the same in the book, I don't use their real names and their real locations where everything about me is all real people and real locations to protect their privacy. And I said, you know, I what now? What what are you going to do? You can't sit home all the time. You want to go to your singing class. And a trip came up to visit her daughter. And she says, he wants to come. And she said, but I don't want him to. I have to sit with him all the time, I have to stop all the time, and we can't talk like mother and daughter. You know, we're gonna just we can't be really honest about things. And so she found somebody to stay with her husband, and she went to visit her daughter. And she comes back after whenever her appointment is, and she's beaming. I was like, what happened? She's like, Heike, I felt like myself. And I want to also add to this, it's not I want to feel I felt like myself again, which is important in my context, because I feel that again refers to like in my 20s and 30s, or it refers

Training As We Age

SPEAKER_00 17:22

to whatever I've done so far didn't work. So she said, I feel like myself. And I and I asked her, tell me what you guys do. And we had coffee, went out for lunch. And she said, I felt untethered, I felt open, I felt um free. I felt I could do with my time what I wanted to do and not feel guilty of not taking care of my husband, and not feel guilty about taking time away from him, catering to him. It was amazing. And you know what, Carla? She, I mean, of course, she has the book. And I saw her the other day, and she says, I love your book. You have to write another book. And she says, I'm reading just a little bit every day. I don't want the book to end. So that's how the book painted.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

So for someone kind of like in her position, you know, taking care of her her husband, or people who are taking care of young ones, right? So trying to get their life back. How do you like, how do you get someone who's inactive, what do you think that first step for them would be? Whether it's because of they just haven't had their life because of being, you know, in a family situation and maybe the kids are finally empty nesting or they're getting to an age where they don't need mom all the time. What what what is the first step for someone like that?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

The first step is to realize that you can do something, that you're worthy of doing something, and that it's not now you have to uh turn your whole life over in order to get air quotes results. But to start with, the simplest thing is really being honest with yourself. What do I want to do? What do I want to, what did I want to do before all this happened? You know, what was it before the kids came? Before her husband needed needs help, before my parents need help. What did I want to do? And how can I bring this dream from back then, now into reality right now? And it's not about doing it over and starting over and over and over again. And in the book, I talk about the Spark Framework, which is a five-step plan, you can say, to say, oh, I'm stuck right now. And um, I had the book launch, and one of the people came, had just lost her job. And she says, Well, Heike, how does the book help me now? I've lost my job. And I said, I probably can't help you find a job, but start with R, the roadblock in the Spark framework. I said, read that chapter and see if it sparks something that you can take away from that mindset strategy that you're reading about, uh, and apply it to where you are now. And so that's that's what I think we all, the smallest step. What is the smallest step? It could be for somebody eating more protein. It could be for somebody else just doing two air squats, getting out of the meeting, stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down. It could be just thinking of, you know what? What do I really want to do? Which is always the why. What do I want to do? You know, the sky is the limit. If you in your, I always say to my clients, in your wildest dreams, what would your like life look like after working with me? And some of the wishes are a little bit too big, but um, but at least to wrap your head around it. It's like, oh, if I want to play tennis again, is that a realistic goal? Or is my body at this point so broken down that I should pick maybe pick a ball?

unknown 21:12

You know.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Um, but it's the smallest denominator because we don't need more stress in our lives to or more things on our plate. We need less stress, more self-love, and more self-care and knowing that we are worthy.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah, I think that is the biggest thing, um, is especially for women, telling them they are worthy and they deserve to have 15 minutes to themselves to pursue what they want, 30 minutes, you know, once a day, once a week, whatever they can carve out. They deserve that. And it's not, you know, out of this realm of possibility for them.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

How do you and and do it without guilt? Yeah. That's the other thing. Oh my God, we're feeling guilty about everything as women, and there is no reason to. We feel guilty if we don't take care of the grandkids an appropriate amount of time. We feel guilty to take those five minutes for us because we could do whatever we could do in that time, clean the kitchen. I don't know. But the guilt is something that we all just need to let go of because we are deserving. There's no need for us to feel guilty and go back to the old housewife rules of being, you know, being the martini lady with the f with the cute little heels and ready for the husband to come home and please everybody.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Yes. That's so funny you say that because I was just talking about that. Um, that that's still in the front of like the Betty Crocker cookbook, I think it is. And it still says that. You're make sure your makeup's done. Your husband doesn't want to come home to you. It's like, really? You're still printing that in that first page of that cookbook from the 50s? Nobody wants that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

No, I mean, you know, if my when my husband comes home, I'm usually in my workout clothes, ponytail, zipping around doing whatever. I I usually never wear makeup.

unknown 23:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Hopefully I'm in my PJs. If if I don't have a client or I'm not headed to work, I want to be in my pajamas. That's like my life goal, is to be in my pajamas. It's be comfortable, right? Yeah, for sure. So what for you um do you what are the two or three, however many you want to list, um, like the non-negotiables for women, for health, for mindset. Give us your list.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Non-negotiable is not taking time for yourself. That's just, you know, you have to take time for yourself. That's definitely number one. The non-negotiables are also, you have to set boundaries. Boundaries are a big one. I think many women don't think they can set boundaries with themselves and with others. What else would I say? Of not letting others talk you down. Get rid of those negative people. The people that are not supporting your journey, your life, your whatever it is you're doing, they need to go. Negative people, all of my life, they're gone. I nix them all out. And if if somebody comes across, they're they're not le they're not hanging around me very long. I think these are three big ones that we're setting, the especially the boundaries. And um the last one that we just we need to take care of ourselves and really uh stop the guilt. So these are my three.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Yeah. Would you say that um learning to say no to others falls into the the boundaries, or would you set that as a a separate category? Because that's what I need to do. That's what I'm doing for myself is people want so on my time and go, I can't. I don't have time. And that leaves more time for me.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yep, that's a boundary. Saying no is definitely a boundary. And a lot of times, I know this is very popular to encourage people to say no. It's very hard to say no, number one. And it's very hard to say no without an explanation why we say no. Yes. I mean it's and you know that too, Carla. No is a complete sentence.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

It is. Absolutely. There's a period right at the end of it. Yeah. I know I don't have I'm getting better at that. I just say no, I can't. End of discussion.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

But that but think about this. Uh no, I can't invites a question back. Why can't you?

SPEAKER_01 25:44

I just can't. I that's because I have one person in my life, um, one of my clients, and I say no, I can't. And she'll try to pursue an answer, and I just say, no, I can't. And I've learned not to say sorry because I'm not sorry. Right? I mean, sometimes you say sorry for everything.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Why would I say sorry if I don't want something?

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

I'm like, no, I'm not liking this, I'm not wanting this. And uh, you know, funny, it's it's a little a little on the fringes of this, but we had uh friends over for dinner uh a couple of weeks ago, and my husband cooked, and he made this amazing Thai food, and it was everything was freaking

From Runner To Triathlete

SPEAKER_00 26:31

spicy. We love the spice, but our friend she took one bite, she took the plate, she pushed it over to her husband, and she says, I'm not eating this. I mean, we cooked it, right? My husband cooked it and it was really good, but really spicy. She just said, I'm not eating this. I'm fine with whatever the salad was we have. But she didn't say, Oh, I'm sorry, I can't eat it because it's really spicy. Just I won't eat that.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Good for her. At first I was like, Yeah, but I was like, Yes. Yeah. Yeah, because I would have to do the same thing. Yeah. But you know, some people will suffer through it and eat it even though they're hating it and it's gonna make them miserable later, they will push through that. No, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

It's so so it's it's I thought it was a really uh a great way of how she's just said, no, I I'm not eating this. Not I'm not eating this because it's spicy, I'm not eating this because well spicy was the problem with her. And she and she didn't say, Do you have something else?

SPEAKER_01 27:36

No, good for her.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

Which I really credited her. I'm like, this is great. And I said, I have more other food, which was not as spicy. I said, I give you more of that that was not as spicy. And she's like, Okay, I can do that. But that was it's the same with I again. I go back to your no, I just I can't. I would leave the I can't out. No. Or no, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

No, thank you. Yeah, I do say no, thank you a lot. No, thank you. Yeah, no thanks. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What um is a piece of advice that you would offer, like you know, women who haven't got to that point of of saying no and and setting that boundary. What is a step that they can take to start that process?

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Is it is go it goes back, in my opinion, back to the boundaries to set boundaries with themselves. That they're not they're not offering to do everything. Somebody needs to clean the kitchen. Okay, I can clean the kitchen, or I can do the the stove, or I can uh I can babysit the kits or I can drive so and so. We all know we can. But what if you want that extra time? Pull back from offering all these things that we know we can do really well, instead of not offering as many. Not saying, okay, I take the kids uh five days or with the grandkids five days a week when you know three would be plenty. Um, things like that, pulling, really looking at what boundaries do you set for yourself with other people. I think that would be a great way to start. And and again, stop feeling guilty when you just don't take on the jobs. Yeah. Or uh let's talk about work too, because a lot of us are still in working. And how many times do we say yes to projects that need to be finished? And maybe the boss knows that you are really very efficient and uh get this done when the person who's supposed to do it is just being slow and tardy or even just slow. And they're like, oh, if she does it, we're gonna get it done. But it adds to your workload, which you know puts you later in leaving work, later in coming home, stressing. You out more. Uh it's simply off like that's what you know comes in, setting boundaries, saying I don't have room for more.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Yeah. I know at my job, it is strictly eight hours, right? So we come at a certain time, we leave at a certain time. So anything that wouldn't get done in that eight-hour time just is set for the next person. So, you know, when they come by, do you think you'll get this done? And I go, it's all on the machine because it's a machine job, right? I'm working on a machine. And sometimes the machine just doesn't act properly. And I go, I don't know, we'll see. I'll do what I can, you know, and I always, you know, work to my best ability, usually. But there's also people be on first shift and second shift, because I work third, that can also do that or could have done it before it got behind, right? So, but they do rely on me a lot because they know that I'm pretty efficient. And it's like, I mean I just always say, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Maybe good for you.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Yeah. I don't have they're not paying me any extra to work extra harder than the men. And so why am I killing myself? You know, so yeah. So I learned that at work a long time ago. It's like, yeah, I don't slack off, but I'm not gonna work harder just so they can slack off, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:19

So and that goes back to also, you know, when you think boundaries with yourself or for yourself is people pleasing. Do I want that pat pat on my back and the like, oh, good job, Carla? You got it all done.

unknown 31:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

And you're sweating bullets, you're like, oh my God, this was all this work I did.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

And if exactly they gave you a pat on the back, they don't even care.

The Spark Framework Story

SPEAKER_01 31:42

They don't care. It got done. They don't say thanks. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Yeah, that's terrible. But that's what I would say to somebody. I said, really see the boundaries that you set for yourself. Where can they be? And you gave a good example. I'm not busting my butzki because it was already sitting there and now I have more and the backlog of whatever it is you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

Yeah. Yeah. So what is one of your favorite um tools or uh workout or books or podcasts? And uh, and we'll definitely put the link to your book um in the in the show notes. Uh are there other things that you would point people to to help them make these decisions in their life or do better workouts or anything like that?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

I mean, I would always say my podcast pursue your spark because I cover so many, so many places. And I have to be honest, I uh listen to mostly um business podcasts that help me grow my business. And and the same with books, except when I walk, I I uh listen to uh nonfiction, uh like fun books, interesting. I like murder mysteries, but not everybody likes murder mysteries, as long as they're not too bloody. Um but I think everybody can find their own. Look around a little bit. Who's who's the personality is what really matters to most of us. You know, when you listen to a podcast, you may not like the voice. Or uh I read a book the other day, or I listen, I audiobook all my books. So I can take him with me on my walk and I can do my laundry and do all the other things. Um and it started out way too brutal. And it was just really not what I wanted in a murder mystery. And I was like, mm-mm, or the sound. You know, somebody's voice may not be your to your liking. Keep looking around. There's so many things. And all you do is use your chat GPT or your AI favorite, or you Google and say, here, this is what I want more of. Where can I find that? For workouts, I would always say strength training. And that includes weights, bands, Pilates, body weight exercises, because women in our age bracket need more muscle. We get enough cardio for the most part, and you run, you said you run 20 miles, so I'm assuming you're running, uh, preparing for a marathon.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

An ultra, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

An ultra? What are you running?

SPEAKER_01 34:16

I am running the Wolverine 100 in October.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

More power to you. I stopped at 50. I stopped at 50. I was like, nope. Nice. Oh, good luck with that. Um, and so you're doing already a lot of cardio. You don't need more cardio, but you need strength to support that running, to support uh strengthen the core, strengthen the legs, upper body. And oftentimes people don't think that as a runner, we need upper body strength. They're like, oh, it's all legs. I'm like, uh-uh. No, no, no. We need an arms to propel us forward. Uh, we need strength there. So strength training and that can come in any form, like kitchen uh counter push-ups, to going to the gym, to hiring a coach, to doing a YouTube video. I mean, that's what I would say, women in our midlife, we need to look for more of strength training exercise. Not the one I mentioned earlier that was on the video, and I'm like, what? I would never do that. I mean, she did a really hard whatever, up, down, push this and do lunge here, there. I'm like, oh no, no, I can't even follow that fast. Um, but something that that floats your boat, if, you know, if HIIT training is your jam, do it. A lot of women have moved away from high-intensity interval training because of the intensity and and the strain on the body, but you may not be that person. So I don't want women to feel that there's only one way. Or if you uh are a Pilates person, do Pilates if that's your thing. You still get a lot of uh resistance training with the equipment in Pilates or body weight. Mix it up though. Do something different every day.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yeah, I agree. I know a lot of women are afraid of uh getting bulky. You are not gonna get bulky. You need to lift weights. I mean, I lift as heavy as my arms will lift. Um, and I've uh one thing I've noticed, like at marathons and such, how you see people getting that lean at towards the finish line, that's lack of core strength. And I haven't ever had that lean. I always work on my my core and I need to work on it even more. You know, I've you can almost can't do enough. You just, you know, and I don't have, you know, I lift as heavy as I can and I don't have bulky muscles, you know. I wish I did, but it it's hard to get, especially as you age because you keep losing muscle, you lose it faster than you can put it on as we age, which is really sad. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

And the other thing too is most of us, it goes back to we're not eating enough protein.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Yeah.

unknown 36:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Uh to sustain muscle growth. And, you know, when I was in my mid-30s, a bodybuilder, and I was like, okay, I'm going to go on stage. And I wasn't one of those bodybuilders that was in high heels and bikini posing. There's bikini contests as well where women are very lean and cut. Now I was in the opposite end. I wanted to go as big as humanly possible. And the amounts of food I ate and the muscles I built, I could only build so much. And I'm looking at my competitors and I was like, man, they're bigger than I am. Maybe I need to eat more protein or lift heavier. But I also was much taller and leaner than most of them. So it's hard to put more size on a body like that. Um, but I did that for three years, and let me tell you, it is hard, hard work. It's a lifestyle. And if you can't just take some of that um mindset of that, I'm lifting heavy, but I'm not getting bigger. Because based on what I I mean, men looked at me and they're like, you pushing that? And I was like, yeah, why? Yeah, I couldn't do that. But it I also developed endurance through strength training. It's not just think of strength training as in big muscles, it gives you an incredible endurance strength for like your run. If you are a rower, if you're like kayaking, this all gives you endurance strength, not just muscle strength. So we need to shift our mindset a little bit away from big and bulky to dang, I can pick up those two gallons of milk, no problem.

unknown 38:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

Yeah, you're not witted by the time you bring all the groceries in because you've been lifting.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Yep. And you've been lifting, you've been bending down, your back's not hurt, killing you, your hamstrings are not screaming at you, which are in the back of the leg for anybody not knowing where those guys are. Um, and you pick up and you use your core, and you're like, ah, I lifted this, boom, done.

unknown 38:49

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Independence.

First Steps For Stuck Women

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Think about it as a way of as we get older, we need our independence, and strength training will give us that independence that we crave.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Yeah. Yep, keep you home, living at home longer. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

And keep you doing more stuff. You know, it's like I look at my 99-year-old client who is very, very stooped over kyphotic, and he can't stand up straight anymore. I've worked with him for probably eight years or along those lines. Um, and you used to be able to stand up straight. So it's definitely a brain thing why he can't do it anymore, because he forgets. But his wife makes him now walk. Well, he has always like hiking poles, and his wife makes him walk without the hiking poles. She's just like, I'll take him away. You have to work on your balance. He looks pretty, pretty ugly, and you're worried when you see him walking, but he gets there. He, it's not long walks, but he does it without and then we do core strength and we do upper body strength and you know, mobility exercises for what he can do. And think about it, when you're adding these things to your life, how much better your quality of life will be. And you know, anybody in their 40s is probably thinking, yeah, I got lots of time to get there. I'm like, ha ha, just wait. I'm 64. It goes quick.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah, no kidding. It does indeed. So, are there any things that I haven't asked you that you would like the audience to know about you, um, your book, your podcast, which will I'll put all those links in your show notes about midlife crises, midlife workouts, anything that I haven't asked.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

Midlife is not a crisis. Let's just get there. Let's just let's let's let's just eliminate that all. It's not a crisis. It's it's a moment of clarity. You're you're going like, okay, am I am I happy with where I am? Which again, we have in Pursue Your Spark, we're talking about this in the Spark framework, that we we wherever we are, we're needing to move forward. And that takes clarity. And if you're feeling you're in a crisis, then you're just taking on somebody else's language. You're not in a crisis, you're in a turnover, you're in a in a transition phase. I think I want women to know, and I don't know if men also listen to the show, because my show, I have men too. They're like, oh, this applies to me too. It's like look forward, not backwards. You know, think about what I can do tomorrow that I, or what do I do tomorrow that I couldn't do today? I've learned something, I progressed. And I want people to be continue to be curious about things and not shut themselves off of travel ideas, reading ideas, uh, things that might interest them and not just think, oh, I'm too old now, I shouldn't want more from life. And that is not the case. I also want them to listen to the podcast because I talk about all kinds of different things on the show that pertains to health, nutrition, and fitness. And I think that when people look at me now, they think, oh, look at her. She's so fit, she's 64. Yeah. She's like probably always been like this. I've never been like that. I'm working on it. I was an obese teenager. Uh I had went through a a rough, rough time and the weight came on, and it's just a very different story. Uh, I was an obese, I was not just heavy, I was obese. And I had my grandma said, if you keep eating like this, you will never get a husband. Oh, nice grandma. Thanks. But she put the she put the plate in front of me. Okay, you have to finish every bite because food costs money.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

And then as I as I went on, I had my first child and I gained 50 pounds during during my pregnancy. Again, I and I had no idea what to do, but I didn't give up. I said, okay, there's gotta be a better way. I need to find myself a coach. I need to maybe try this. And and for when I um I started working out at the YMCA when my after my son was born. And that set me on the trajectory of where I am today. And curiosity has brought me also to where I am today. I would have never in a bazillion years thought that I would teach aerobic classes, that I would run a marathon, that I would run Boston, that I would do a 50 miler, that I would become a tough mudder with because my son asked me to do it, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All these things have become a triathlete, and now I'm, you know, I'm still active, but differently, and I'm looking for the next thing right now. What is it that I want to do that excites me? So I want the listeners to know to keep being curious.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

That's that's great advice. And your life sounds a lot like mine. I got started, I was just noticing on Facebook a thing popped up that um it's it was 12 years ago this weekend that I ran my first marathon. And since then I've done a marathon in all 50 states. I've done a couple hundred milers already, and I have one, you know, on the books to go again. And it's yeah, it's you know, you you gotta keep looking for what excites you, I think is is the thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Yep. And if if it's tennis, go for tennis. If it's pickleball, it's pickleball. I we we, you and I, we don't care what people do, but do do do, yeah. You know, if you need a buddy, ask your neighbor. I'm sure they're gonna join you because they feel the same way you two. What am I gonna do now? Oh, let's go to the water aerobics class and let's check that out, or whatever it is, you know, there's so many things we can do that we are not opening our minds up. And one of my former podcast guests is now also 80, and she is a rock climber. So she climbed uh some really big mountains there where I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't go up there. Uh, but in and at all in her 70s and 80s, not just when she was 20 or 30, because she was raising children. And it's an it's just embrace what's next, be curious, don't, you know, don't just say no. Say yes to life.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

And I wrote a book. I mean, I never thought I would write a book.

Boundaries, Guilt, And Saying No

SPEAKER_00 45:26

So I sat down. Uh when my client said the story I was telling earlier, when she's a and I had thought about writing a book, but I didn't want it to be a fitness, nutrition book. I'm like, uh, I don't know. There's so many of them out there. I mean, it's not that in self-improvement there's not a lot of books, but there's more I think I have to say in that in that realm. And when she walked in, I was like, I got it. This is what my book's about. And I bought myself books to learn how to write a book because I I'm learning, so I'm learning how to do that. And then I started writing and I wrote and I wrote, and then I needed somebody to edit this whole stuff that I had put together. And I told this story yesterday. Um, I had 400 pages in my first draft of my book, and my editor came back with a hundred pages. No, oh yes, that's exactly what I did. I'm like, what happened to my book? But it was the right thing to do because it was a self-improvement book. And what I had put in were blog posts, podcast episodes, and they were more towards fitness, nutrition. Yes, mindset strategy. A completely different feel to it. Now it's 18 months later. I have a book. Uh, it's out there, and you can buy it anywhere. You can buy books, you can leave reviews also on Amazon and Goodread. And so I'm super proud of myself that I actually wrote an entire book. I also have a picture of me on the back. And I'm like, but I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband, the support of my community and my clients, who many of them are in the book with their stories and their examples, and a bunch of beta readers. So I asked my friends to read my book, or at least parts of the book. And uh that was another opening experience because that tore the book apart again, too. Because what you think you see uh is not what they thought uh saw when they looked at it. And I was like, hmm, okay, let's put on my other thinking cap again and my critical eye. And I learned through writing the book that I like to talk, as your listeners probably can tell by now. I always have a story. I like detailed stories that nobody really cares about, all the details, but uh, I think you guys do. And I like lists. And uh that's what my book initially had a lot of, all three of them.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

I like lists. That's why I asked you about a list of a couple lists of things. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:59

But yeah, but when you write a read a book, you don't want lists, you don't want a worksheet. You want to read, you want to see yourself in the stories that you read, and then get some tips. And you know, we have worksheets in the book that help with that part of, oh, here we're talking about maybe nutrition, here some meals, how to build a meal, how to uh turn over your nutrition or or re-evaluate your nutrition or your workouts, and there's all these things basically attached to the book. So if you get the uh soft copy, then you can scan, scan the uh worksheets. There's six of them in there that help with that part of it because at heart I'm still a coach.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

Yeah.

unknown 48:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:42

Okay. Anything else you'd like the listeners to know about you or your your mindset or anything that we need to know?

SPEAKER_00 48:50

No, you know by now, guys, that I'm a pretty open book. I'm very, as they call now though, the Vogue name is authentic. I'm authentic. Okay. I'm real. You see what you get. Uh, that's that's basically it. And you can find me anywhere on social media with my name, Heike Yates, H E I K E Y A T E S. Uh, anywhere on social media, on YouTube. Um my uh podcast is Pursue Your Spark, just the same as my book. And so also my brand, where I help women in midlife to reset and not start over.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Okay, awesome. And we will put all those things in the show notes. And I really appreciate your time today. Thank you so much for being with us. So much fun, Carla. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Bye-bye. All right, thanks, friends, for listening to that episode. I hope you enjoyed that uh talk I had with Haika. Uh, hopefully the dogs weren't too barky in there. I could hear them like crazy. Uh hopefully they were drowned out for you. Uh, and again, look me up on all the socials. Please follow, rate, and share the program. Uh, Carla at Coffee Crew Coaching is where you can uh email me. And then on Facebook you can look up Coffee Crew Coaching as well as on Instagram. So thanks again, and we'll talk soon.