Experience Motherhood

93. How Daily Routines Help Kids Thrive (and Moms Feel Less Overwhelmed) with Jessica Irwin

• Liz Emmerich, MA, LPCC, RPT

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Daily routines might sound simple, but the right rhythms can completely change how your days feel as a parent. Instead of rigid schedules or perfectly planned days, small pockets of consistency can help kids feel secure, reduce chaos at home, and give moms more breathing room in their day.

In this conversation, I’m joined by Jessica Irwin, a pediatric occupational therapist, mom of two boys, and founder of Rooted in Routine. After years of working closely with families, and then experiencing motherhood herself, Jessica realized how powerful predictable daily rhythms can be. She shares practical ways to build flexible routines that support your child’s development while also helping you feel calmer, more confident, and less overwhelmed as a mom.


In this episode, we talk about:

  • Why predictable rhythms help regulate kids’ brains and nervous systems
  • The five key parts of the day where simple routines can make the biggest difference
  • How routines can create more calm for moms, not more pressure
  • A simple morning rhythm that can help you carve out a little time for yourself
  • Why independent play is an often overlooked but powerful routine for kids
  • Using visual schedules to make after-school or after-work hours run more smoothly
  • What to do when kids resist routines or things don’t go as planned
  • How to start building routines without feeling overwhelmed or adding more to your plate
  • One compassionate first step if your days currently feel chaotic or out of control


If you’ve ever wished your days felt a little smoother, your kids knew what to expect, and you could create more calm in your home without rigid schedules, this conversation will leave you with practical ideas to start small and build from there.



MENTIONS IN THE EPISODE:


Connect with Jessica on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rootedinroutine 


Check out Jessica’s website, including her resources and membership community here: https://www.rootedinroutine.com/ 


Interested in a deeper space beyond the podcast? I’m gathering an interest list as I listen and discern what support might come next. Join the list here: https://experiencemotherhood.myflodesk.com/a-place-to-go-deeper


I'd love to hear your thoughts! Send me a message :)


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Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only. In no way is this therapy or clinical advice.

SPEAKER_01

I always recommend start with one area of the day or like one time of day that you feel like feels chaotic or you feel like just doesn't feel good. Don't try to like overhaul your whole day all at once. And then just think, okay, what's one little change I can make in that part of the day that I feel like or I know is supposed to help? Like what is maybe an expert saying that they say is gonna help me? Let me see if I can be consistent with that for like a week.

SPEAKER_00

Motherhood is beautiful, but let's be real, it's also overwhelming. If you're a mom who loves her kids fiercely, but also has ambitions beyond the carpool line, you might be feeling something else too. Torn. You're keeping everything running, managing the schedules, the meals, the mental load, but you're also craving something more. Maybe it's your career, your creativity, or just remembering who you were before everyone needed something from you. In the guilt of wanting both, it's exhausting. From the outside, you look like you have it all together, but inside you're stretched thin, wondering if you have to choose between being a great mom and becoming the woman you're meant to be. Here's the truth: you don't have to choose between both. I'm Liz Emmerich, licensed therapist, mom of three, and someone who deeply understands the both and tension of motherhood. This is Experience Motherhood, the place where we dismantle the myth that you have to do it all or lose yourself. Through honest conversations with experts and moms in the trenches, you'll get mental health insights, grounded encouragement, and permission to build a life that honors every part of you. Let's live motherhood fully, honestly, and together. It's time to experience motherhood. Today we're talking about one of those parenting topics that feels simple on the surface, but can completely transform your day-to-day life. Routines. Not the rigid, everything has to be perfect kind of routines, but realistic, flexible rhythms that actually help your kids thrive and give you back a sense of calm, control, and even time for yourself. My guest, Jessica Irwin, is a pediatric, occupational therapist and mom of two who's the founder of Rooted in Routine, which helps parents do exactly that. She's going to share practical strategies, common pitfalls, and little-known routines that make a huge difference. Plus, how moms can use structure to feel more confident, less overwhelmed, and still pursue your personal goals. If you've ever wished your day ran a little smoother, your kids felt a little more predictable, and you could carve out some breathing room for yourself without guilt, this episode is packed with insights you're going to want to hear. So let's dive into our conversation. Well, hi Jessica. Welcome to the podcast. I'm very excited today to talk about all things routines, which I know if you're listening, you're like, oh no, routines, is this going to be too much? But I promise it'll be fun and it's going to be such good takeaways. And I'm just so excited to hear your perspective. Do you want to give everybody a little bit of background of who you are in case people don't know you already?

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Thanks so much for having me. My name is Jessica. I am the founder of Rooted in Routine. Personally, I am a mom as well. I have two boys. They are currently five and a half and almost three now, which is wild. And we live in Colorado with my husband and we have a dog. So that's kind of where I'm at personally. Professionally in Rooted in Routine, I really help parents establish and implement routines for their child and also themselves, kind of as a second little bonus. And that's really what I'm passionate about, kind of stemming from my professional background and expertise, which started in pediatric occupational therapy. And I worked clinically for many, many years with children, babies all the way up to like older elementary school age in a variety of pediatric settings. And I ultimately realized that routines are really the backbone for success and having family life feel good. And they're so important for young kids. So that's really where my passion lies. And I'm excited to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00

I love it. And I just love to like talking to pediatric OTs in particular, because as a therapist who works also a lot with children, you guys are just an incredible resource. I feel like I'm just constantly like, have you tried OT yet? Have you tried OT yet? So thank you for all that you do. But yeah, back us up a little bit. You know, tell me a little bit about like how did your own parenting experience you think kind of shift to make you kind of realize that routines might be really important?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, totally. So I was working for many years before I had my own children. And, you know, we were taught what we're taught in school, and then we were going into homes, and I was working in families' homes, which not all OTs do, but the settings I was in included being in their homes. So I saw lots of homes. I saw lots of different parents and parenting styles and values and preferences and family makeups, right? And, you know, I already was like, okay, you know, we got to get a better routine going for your child that's gonna help their behavior, it's gonna help their sleep, yada, yada. And then when I had my first son, I had him in 2020. So it was a tricky time in the world. And it really just like solidified the fact that I knew that as a mom, when I felt like our day had some predictability to it, even with a young baby, and even though that's tricky and you're not going to be perfect, I just felt better. Like I felt like I could be more present, I was a little bit calmer, my anxiety wasn't quite a tie because I just felt like there was some predictability and consistency. And, you know, my brain, and I know a lot of people's brains really crave that, that's a huge shift once you have a baby, right? Is like the total change in your day. So that's just what I became even more passionate about. How can we establish routines from a really young age for our kids? And how can we also feel like we have some semblance of one ourselves?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You know, like I love the idea of routines and for sure in the camp of routines, for sure. My husband would be like, oh, she's like the queen of routines at our house, you know. But I think a lot of women, and even in the beginning times of my own motherhood journey, I feel like the routines can feel kind of maybe rigid or limiting, or you kind of hear that, you know, especially with newborns in sleep, for example. Like again, we can't control them. We never can actually control any of our children's actions and behaviors, but establishing that routine, you know, can be really helpful. But I guess how do you create the routines without it feeling that rigidity?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So that's really tricky. And I think that's a really good question and topic because there's so much nuance to it. And I don't think there's like a perfect answer or like one size fits all approach for everyone. I think we're all really different. But I think speaking to the mom who maybe leans a little bit more like type A or perfectionist or really does feel anxious when things don't go perfectly, because that's how I was, especially with my first. I think first understanding what's actually developmentally normal is really helpful. So that's part of the work I do is just teach parents like what can we reasonably expect in the newborn phase? Like, what is our baby's brain doing? What's the development like? What is typical? And there's gonna be a range for all of it, but that's the first piece because it could help you feel like, okay, you know, my baby's following the they're somewhere in the typical range of sleep, right? Your baby's not gonna come out sleeping 12 hours a night. So knowing that and knowing what's normal and kind of knowing like what is the process to working towards good sleep look like is really helpful. And so that's that's part of what I do is take that really realistic about it, but also keeping in mind that like we never have full control over our child and what they're doing and how they behave, but we do have some. And I think sometimes parents kind of swing the other way and they think like, okay, well, I'm just gonna follow my child's lead for everything and that's best practice, and we'll just kind of see how it goes. And you know, we kind of know like data shows us that it's like somewhere in the middle. And so, like, if you're just kind of slowly consistently working towards what you want to be working towards for your child, and you're kind of driving that structure, your child's gonna get there over time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, I completely agree. Could you like break down again? These are all ranges, but like generally speaking, what are some routines kind of in each little phase in those early stages we should be considering?

SPEAKER_01

The way I teach about this and kind of like a framework I've developed, which can apply to really any age and stage, but it it'll be a little different, is I teach that there's five areas of the day of a child's day that if you can start to create like mini routines around or have some overall consistency over how they go, then you'll be really well on your way toward feeling like you have a nice flow to the day. So those five areas are a morning routine, which I know you're like for a baby, but like something so simple. Like I open their blinds in their nursery and I change their diaper, and then I sing them this song and then I pick them up. Like that's your routine. Yeah. So morning routine and then bedtime routine and sleep routine. So it's like, what are you doing before each sleep opportunity for your baby or your child? And then eating. So that's gonna look, you know, babies would be like breastfeeding or bottle feeding and older kids meals and snacks. Outdoor time, so having that be predictable and consistent day to day, and then play time. So those are the five. The timing and the spacing between each will be very different depending on the age of your child, but the overall concept holds.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I I like the idea too. I mean, I'm just thinking even back to my own experience. I was still working, but I was home a lot more with my kids. And the more kids I had, the more I wanted to be home with them. And I needed that routine. Otherwise, you know, I don't know what's going on in the day. They don't know what's going on the day, and there would be a lot more tantrums, a lot more unpredictability, which can be really stressful for a nervous system who don't know what to expect. And so I can totally remember that same idea. Like I had a routine going in the nursery. I did that to an extent. I would turn up our sound machine, I'd open the blinds, you know, rub their back, it's time to wake up or whatever it was. And even now today, thinking too, like my kids are much older, my youngest is now seven. And, you know, I think he still likes that bedtime routine. Like I still sing him a song every single night to sleep. He loves that, he needs it. And even the other two, you know, older ones, they don't, you know, maybe need that as often, but they do request it from time to time. So I know those routines that I established long ago, you know, are still they're intertwined almost in them. And that is soothing to them and comforting to them.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And what we know to be true is that routines, because what makes a routine a routine is that you are repeating it, right? Like either every day or every time you do, creates predictability. Your child learns to predict it, they learn to expect it. And that is super regulating for their brain and for their nervous system. It literally creates the feelings of safety and of security. So that makes sense that, you know, even when children grow older, like all of that still holds. Like they feel safe, they feel secure in knowing what to expect. So I love that. I think that's great.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's super sweet. I have like five songs that for some reason, those are the only five that ever come to my mind. I'm still sick of singing them. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_01

I sing the same one to my my oldest is five and a half, and I still sing to him as well. And I sing the same little lullaby that I sang when he was a baby, and I'm kind of like, I'm sick of it, but it's like truly like they're not, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's that comfort piece for sure. Yeah. Is there like a story or example that you can kind of share of maybe a parent or or maybe even of yourself where like you use that simple routine and you kind of carved out time for yourself also or herself while still feeling connected to the kids?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think one that we kind of got into a habit with this pretty early on, that really we still do to this day, even with my oldest, who's again five and a half, is every morning. So I went through phases of I was working out of the home sometimes and then other times I was home, whatever. But regardless, every morning from a pretty young age, I would say when he was like six months, like a middle-aged baby, after the first morning feeding, we would have this little like independent playtime. So he learned to expect, okay, after I have my first morning meal that used to be breastfeeding, you know, now it's breakfast. I am going into this corner of the living room and it's like my chance to entertain myself. And that gave me literally even like 15 minutes to tidy up the kitchen, like go to the bathroom, change my clothes if I hadn't changed them yet, get myself ready. And that routine has really held to this day. And I find that that works really well. Oftentimes, young children are like the happiest in the morning. They're like more willing to kind of go off and be safe and be entertained after they've been connected to you through that feeding or through the meal. And so that's a really easy one. And I was like, okay, we're gonna stick with this one.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's a great, just tangible one for sure, because then you get the time to take care of yourself, but like they've still felt connected, you felt connected, like have that little bonding time. And I could see that being true. I mean, you could kind of do that almost after every meal, really to an extent. Totally.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we kind of do. I mean, because then you know they're full, they're they're happy, they're full, like they don't need anything from you right this second. And establishing the kind of like basic understanding that their job is to go play now, right? Has been really helpful for my husband and I, like as our kids are getting older, like they still know that. They know, okay, mommy and daddy are cleaning the kitchen or putting dinner away, and they're not gonna be available for like the next 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, for sure. I think it's a good expectation to set on them of just mom and dad don't need to entertain you all the time. Like you can go be by yourself for a little bit. You know, I think too, as I'm thinking about all these routines, and for anyone who's listening, you know, obviously it can feel like one more thing that we have to go do, like, oh great, I have no routines, or maybe I have a couple of routines, but they're not very strong. Any ideas or encouragement to kind of help them feel like they can add some routines in or kind of tweak these routines without feeling like, oh, it's one more thing I have to do, great. Totally, totally.

SPEAKER_01

And I talk about that concept a lot. Like I am always one to say, like, it's actually meant to make your life easier, and it will, if you know, maybe you have to put it a little bit more work up front. But oftentimes you realize, like, oh, without the constant decision fatigue of like, what am I doing today or how is this time of day gonna go? You will actually feel like it's less work. But to answer your question more specifically, I think that first of all, I want to say, like, most of the time, most parents are actually doing all of these things way more than they probably think or give themselves credit for. So you're probably already doing a lot of this, right? If you just step back and think, oh, like as I said before, do I have that little morning routine for my kid? Like you probably do. You're probably just going through the motions of not even really realizing it. So, first of all, like give yourself credit. And then second of all, if you do feel like, okay, but I still feel like I can do a little work. I always recommend start with one area of the day or like one time of day that you feel like feels chaotic or you feel like just doesn't feel good. Don't try to like overhaul your whole day all at once. And then just think, okay, what's one little change I can make in that part of the day that I feel like or I know is supposed to help? Like, what is maybe an expert saying that they say is gonna help me? Let me see if I can be consistent with that for like a week, but one thing at a time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and even the consistency piece is so huge because so often it's like we'll try something for like one or two times, and they're like, oh, it doesn't work. And it's like it doesn't work that way. Like you have to do it over and over and over for a long enough period to see and get data.

SPEAKER_01

Totally. And I always say at least, I mean, ideally a couple weeks, like two to three weeks consistently to know if it works or not.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And even thinking too, I feel like to start somewhere, like you said, to find the area that maybe feels like it might need a little extra routine or support. I just feel like the most common one is gonna for sure be for most moms, this after work or after school or daycare time when you're trying to get dinner ready and you know it's very chaotic and people are hungry and tired and all the things from the day. What are some good maybe first routines we could kind of implement in that time of the day? I know it's hard with some age things there.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's a great question. That time of day comes up a lot. That's definitely like a sticking point for a lot of us because as you say, it's like we're coming home from the day, whether or not our, you know, maybe our children are coming home from school or we're coming home from work. And it's like there is just this sense of like a little time crunch and so much to get done in that time of day, right? So one of the strategies that I love to recommend, and you can even do this with really young children, but I would say it works really well with like the preschool and up age range, is to sit down with your child and literally write down a list in order of the steps of what's gonna happen during that time period. So we call this a visual schedule or like a just kind of a handwritten routine, right? And you're gonna walk through them, okay. When we walk in the door from daycare tomorrow, this is what we're gonna do first. And then, like literally write jacket off, shoes in the bin, whatever. Two, we're gonna use the potty and wash our hands. And then let's say you have to go cook dinner, then that's like, okay, that's the time when I would like them to play by themselves or whatever. So then you're gonna write with them like three, play whatever. So choose something for them or give them a couple options of what they can pick from so they know it's coming, and then kind of just go on from there and then hang that like in your kitchen or your living room or wherever you are, and just start to refer to it during that time of day. That is like a really great strategy because most children, the idea of what's going on is really abstract. They can't see it. Maybe you're kind of like shouting at them to tell them what to do. But if they can see it written in a list, even if they're not readers yet, they understand the concept of a list in order, really helps them stay on track and it also helps keep you on track.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's a great idea. It made me think too, like depending on the kid or the age too, you know, trying to make it fun too. Like it's not like it needs to be drill sergeant. Right. Yeah. And get them involved. Yeah. Include them. Ask them, what do you think we should do next? Like what would be helpful if we have to get these other things done or or whatever it is. I want to pause for just a minute and share something I've been thinking about lately. I've been hearing from so many of you who love the podcast but are also craving a little more, a place to slow down, reflect, and not feel so alone in this season of motherhood. I'm still listening and discerning what that could look like, and I don't have it fully figured out yet. That might be a small group, some kind of guided support, or something else. But I'd really love to build it with you, not just for you. So if you want to be part of that conversation, I've created a simple interest list. There's no commitment at all. It's just a way to stay connected and have a voice in what's coming. You can find the link in the show notes. You know, I think too, like I'm thinking of my own kids' schedule. My kids are, you know, a little older at this point too. And so some routines are established and sometimes we need to make new routines still because things change, right? With different sports events and all those things after school. But I think the visual thing has been really helpful. Like whether it is, you know, some kind of a digital calendar or if it's writing it down or just those pictures. I remember using those when my kids were much younger and couldn't read, right? Just, you know, Google things or use Canva these days and just, you know, make your own schedule can be really helpful too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And there's really there's so many cool products on the market now for that kind of stuff, depending on the age, as you said. And that's good too. Like if you're like, I don't want to make this, let me just buy something. There's plenty of options too.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, I think as we're talking about all these routines too, you know, as moms, we might have really good intentions and plans. And we're like, okay, I'm gonna get after this routine, it's gonna go great. You know, of course I won't expect it to go perfect, but I expect it to go well. And then the kids have other plans and it could get really just messy. You know, what are you thinking some realistic ways to kind of handle some of that resistance or just the unexpected changes, you know, without us spiraling or melting down?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I think the first thing to remember is kind of like a little uh little like mantra, like I like to tell myself, is that you know, you are the leader of your home. The parent should be the leader. So you have to kind of embody the idea that you're the one making these choices. And this is not like a negative thing. This is a very important Empowering positive things. So, first of all, you have to like feel and be steady in how you're running this time of day. Like if you come off as you're not sure, or your child asks for something, or they try to push the boundary and you're like, okay, well, maybe, right? Like they're gonna feel that instantly. We know. Like they're wired to test you. So I think you have to go into it, first of all, knowing like it is normal for my child to maybe want to test the boundaries or ask for something different or give me pushback on this certain part. That doesn't mean anything's wrong with the choice that I'm making or what I'm trying to do. And then remember that it's your job to offer the structure and to keep it, right? And I get it. Life is it's a lot, like it's overwhelming a lot of times being a mom. But we have to like remember it's not our job to keep our child happy all the time or to like expect them to comply, right? It's normal for them to throw a fit that they don't want to do this, right? Like the work is really how can I kind of like sit with that and almost like tolerate it myself? A hundred percent. And that's I mean, it's hard.

SPEAKER_00

It is hard. I mean, I wish there was like an easy answer, right? Totally. You know, just do this one magic thing, kids will listen, they'll obey, it'll be it. Yeah, I like that too of just, you know, as long as we have the confidence, right? Like we are in charge of our household as parents and we are responsible for the safety and care and upbringing of our children. And so if we go in with some confidence, the other structure doesn't mean you know that we have to be super rigid. Like I keep thinking of the example of ideally, I would like it if my children put their shoes in a certain spot, ideally, but they often do not. Now, is that gonna wreck my entire day? Hopefully it won't. I mean, sometimes it bothers me more than others, but it's again, it's like there's a structure, and so it's reminding them of like, hey, you know what? We're gonna trip over all the shoes if you leave them right by the garage door. We need to move them somewhere else, you know, or have a system or whatever it is. But I think just that idea of routines aren't rigid. They don't mean like you can never change or never flex them, but you have to have a structure still. And then if you're gonna change the routine, you can change it, but then you are gonna try it again now for two to three weeks in that new routine.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And that's another question I get to is often like, well, how do I know if I'm supposed to change it or am I allowed to? And it's like, of course you are. And we know that young children change really fast. So they're gonna be going through like different developmental stages and phases, and then your lifestyle is gonna change, as you mentioned, like as they get older and your schedule is different. So all of that is totally normal and expected. And I think sometimes we also overcomplicate it. We're like, well, what should I do? Like, how should I change it? And I'm always like, just change it and tell them and do it. Most kids are gonna do a little better if you give them a little heads up, but that doesn't mean that it has to be this like whole elaborate thing either.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, I agree. What do you think is one routine that parents often overlook, but that can like really be impactful for their kids' development and then also for their own peace of mind?

SPEAKER_01

I think that there's a lot of talk about this one in the social media space. So there's different opinions about it, but I do believe that establishing, and I kind of mentioned this at the beginning, establishing pockets of the day where your child is independently playing or entertaining themselves or expected to do that is really important. This does not have to look like how it maybe looks on social media, but these like curated activities or all these materials or these perfect little bins. Really, it's just the idea that like there are moments in your day that you are going to be available to your child to connect with them, to talk with them, to hug them, to read to them, to play with them. And then there's also moments in your child's day where you're not. And I think the longer we don't do that part, the harder it gets to get back there. It's not impossible, but that's really like the key to you feeling like you have even just like a second of space in your day. And to be honest, I always like to bring this up because I think it's important to remember one of the reasons why that maybe feels hard nowadays is actually because it is a lot harder nowadays because we live very different lifestyles than we used to, like as humans. I'm not an anthropologist or anything, but like I've done a lot of reading about this topic and like we did used to live way more communally than we live now. And so there was just less one-to-one parent involvement in their tell because there were more people around, right? So you didn't have to constantly entertain your child because they're with 10 other kids and eight other aunts, right? So it does look different now, and so it's hard because it is harder, but I still think it's important.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I keep thinking too, it's like if you're not in that spot where your child can play at all by themselves, like it's a gradual thing, you know, set your own mental timer, like, let's just do it for 20 seconds. They did it great. Now we can slowly increase time to five minutes or whatever time you need, but that's how I would kind of do it too. And I think it's also okay, again, not to be rigid. It's like some days your kid just can't do it, maybe, and you need it. Yeah, like it's not like you can't be like, I can't play with you, it's independent time.

SPEAKER_01

Well, right. And then also doesn't need to look the way that maybe we think does. Like we think that it looks like, oh, they're in their playroom by themselves, or like, oh, they're in the living room, right? They might be following you around the house, but still there can be a bound here on I'm gonna tell you one time, like, I can't answer your questions right now. I'm trying to get dressed in whatever you're doing or get this ready. And like you leave it at that. So there's still some ways to create the boundary of what is expected, even though it's not gonna look how you think.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I I kept thinking too, as you were saying all this, I'm like, oh, there's just so much boundaries. I mean, this could be a whole nother episode. I'm like, oh, I mean, this is stuff that we work on in therapy sessions, right? Of this boundary issue. And where is that stemming from? What did that look like in your own upbringing with your own parents? I mean, there's so many trickle effects there, and then how we parent our own kids. And so just kind of checking in with yourself and being like, okay, it's not bad to have a boundary. We're not just walling them off. It's like, no, I need some space. I need to get dressed by myself if you want to, or you know, whatever it is. Yeah, it's okay. And your child can be told no or not right now. Yeah. It's good for them to hear.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I think what's also helpful to remember or to learn if you don't know this already, is that young children actually do crave that consistent response from you and those boundaries from you. You don't think they do because they're acting up or they're throwing a fit or they're, you know, crying or yelling. Like, so you're like, no, they don't. They don't like this. But over time, like their brain actually is craving patterns. So if you are more consistent with what are the boundaries around certain areas and certain times of the day, they actually do more longer term feel safer. It's counterintuitive short term sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. No, I completely agree with you. There's a lot of good brain research things out there. Somebody can do a deep dive into it if they're interested. Because it is true. Yeah, we want patterns, we want that predictability, kind of what we're talking about the whole time, that routine, that predictability piece. How do you think routines can help in those bigger life transitions? I know we kind of touched on that a little bit earlier of just how our bodies and brains kind of need that structure. Anything you'd add, like maybe it's a big change of going back to work or you know, new siblings being born or new daycare or school or anything.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I work with a lot of parents inside my membership who are experiencing things like that, adopted like the birth of a new baby, or they're starting school, or they're moving. So I think first of all, remembering that like those life transitions, they can be hard on a young child. So it's actually quite normal to notice maybe some changes in their behavior or some increased meltdowns or tantrums or just like difficult behaviors. So, first of all, just know that's them telling you like life feels different or it feels less predictable than maybe it used to be. And nothing's wrong. Like it's okay for there to be like periods of time where maybe you're less routine oriented, or there's like just a little bit more unpredictability. But then I think, you know, the goal is okay, how can we kind of circle back and like get back to certain things? And again, just start small. Let's say you're having a new baby and your child is now going to be in new routines, or maybe they're gonna start school, right? It's like, okay, could I think of how their morning could be pretty consistent with which caregiver is getting them ready and what we're doing in the morning? Or maybe it's the evening, like when they come home, I always give them like this certain hug and we do this little like dance or we cuddle on the couch and read a book together. So it really can be tiny, like small moments, but trying to be intentional with tiny little things does a lot.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, those are really good ideas. And you're right. Again, it just comes down to starting small, and we don't need to do something crazy huge. We just those little things, those little moments, intentional. If a mom is listening right now who feels completely stretched, what's one compassionate step that she can take to regain control and calm, you think?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so I have two answers for this. So the first one we kind of already touched on, but I'll say it again. If you feel like just a lot of things feel hard, things feel really out of control, or like there's lots of parts of the day that are messy, try to just start with one. Like choose one, just make a choice. And if you're like, I don't even know what to choose, literally like put them in a hot and pick one. So it's just like you have to make that choice and just see like, okay, let me just start there. So it's like if bedtime feels really hard or chaotic, like, let me just start there. Or if you feel like every dinner time or that evening stretch, you're just starting with one thing and commit to yourself, write it down if you have to, maybe like write a little sticky note to yourself and put it on the mirror in the bathroom. Do something to help you be like, okay, this is what I'm committing to just for like the next two weeks, and let everything else stay the same and stay messy, because that's how we make change. And then the other thing I want to mention too is I love talking about this, and I'm sure you do as well, is like if you can enlist support from other adults, do it. This doesn't necessarily relate to routines, but it's like we were not meant to do all this alone, or honestly, even with one partner, as I said before. So, like, you know, even if you do have a supportive, amazing partner and you feel like you're both involved, like it's still a lot of work to be parents. And so if people are in your life that are willing to help you, friends, family, neighbors, I always encourage, like, don't be afraid to ask or to accept help. We often say no to help, right? We sure do. And that's something that I committed to myself when I had my second, especially. I was like, I'm not gonna say no to anything. And I literally didn't. And my husband even felt like there are moments where I feel like he was like a little uncomfortable with what I was accepting. And I was like, I don't care. Like people actually want to help. They offered.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I'm still to this day. I love that. And you're right, that is a really hard kind of truth there to take in. Like, you know, we don't need to do it all, we can't do it all. If somebody's offering to help, we can accept it. And it doesn't mean that we're less than because we accepted the help. And I know that's a hard one for so many of us to deal with because it feels like, oh, well, I couldn't do it all then. So I'm not good enough. It's like it's not that you were doing amazing, and it takes a village. That's why they have that phrase, right? It takes a village.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And I think just remembering that, like what I said before of like this isn't actually how children were raised. Yeah, like it's actually new to be raised in a single family home. I know that sounds weird because we think of that as like, you made it in life, your perfect little single family, but that's not really how it was and it is so yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Ironically, I was just watching this documentary or started it last night with my husband, the hockey miracle documentary. Oh, yeah. Anyway, what struck me right away as we're talking about this is like there was one hockey player who grew up in the Boston area, I think, and they had a huge house, but it was like four generations of his family living in this house. Like one floor was aunt and uncle and their kids, and then the next floor was grandparents and the next aunt and uncle. They showed a picture of it, and you're like, oh my gosh, they basically live in like a little town in their building. Like how amazing. I mean, it might be crazy at times for sure, with like all those family members, but how cool too to like grow up with your cousins and just you know, just a tight-knit circle. They were all raising each other, just made me think of that. And how cool that would be. And if we could allow others to help us in that way, they might not move in in that same way, nor do we want them to, but that neighborhood feel or that community feel. And if you don't have it, find it. Go find one, start one. You know, you can do it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think it's way easier said than done, obviously. But I think sometimes the first step is like you offer to help others and then like you'll get it back in return. And that's like what we're meant to do. Feels good on both sides. Totally does.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I think this topic hopefully it was really helpful to so many moms. I know it was to me just a good reminder that, you know, routines are so important for ourselves and for our kids, and just how amazing it can be, but without it being rigid and like, you know, really strict and structured in that way. Where can people find you? Because I know you have a lot of amazing resources. So I want to make sure everyone can get in touch with you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, thank you. I am most active on my Instagram. My handle is rooted in routine. So come say hi, follow me. I post about these topics all the time. So you can learn a lot just from being there. And then if you want to work closely with me or just get more support for like certain actual things, I have a membership community called the Rooted Crew, and that's parents, mostly moms, babies, toddlers, preschooler, age range. And we really dive deep into like specific problem areas like your child sleep or picky eating or behavior or starting school, kind of like all that stuff. So that's really another way to work with me.

SPEAKER_00

Amazing. Yeah, that sounds like an awesome way to just, you know, almost build a community too. Like get to know the people and it's a virtual one, but yes, yes. Well, for sure. And it sometimes that's even fun, those virtual ones, right?

SPEAKER_01

You can kind of meet maybe other people in your actual physical location or yeah, we have a lot of moms in there who are going through similar life stages together and like they've never met each other, but it's like they're commenting on each other's posts and they're sharing ideas, and it's just really cool. You know, maybe they'll never meet, but they're supporting each other. So that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I love that. Well, yeah, I'll make sure all of that's included in the show notes. And I just so appreciate your time and your expertise in your story, Jessica. So thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you so much for joining me today, and I hope this episode really brought so much value to your experience in motherhood. Please take a minute to rate and review this podcast and make sure that you're subscribed so you don't miss the next new episode. Until next time, go experience motherhood. The Experienced Motherhood Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered clinical advice or a substitute for individualized mental health care. Although I am a licensed professional clinical counselor, this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you're needing support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider near you. If you're in crisis, contact your local emergency services or the 988 Suicide in Crisis Lifeline.

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Elisabeth Emmerich, MA, LPCC, RPT

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