104. How to Actually Feel Present This Summer — Not Just Try to Be

You know the feeling of being physically present but mentally somewhere else entirely. Sitting at the dinner table, at the park, at your kid's game — and your brain is already three steps ahead.

Most moms don't need to be told to be present. They need to know how to actually get there. That's what we're talking about today.

In This Episode:

• Why presence doesn't always look the way we picture it — and why that matters
• The honest truth about why this kind of moment doesn't just happen on its own
• What I mean when I say presence is a muscle, not a personality trait
• What gets in the way for high-achieving moms specifically (mental load, planning mode, performing motherhood instead of living it)
• What I've been doing differently — and what's actually working
• An invitation to practice this intentionally all summer long

Join the Present Mom Summer Practice — a free 6-week email series for moms who want to actually feel present this summer, not just try to be. https://experiencemotherhood.myflodesk.com/summer-of-grace

Connect with Liz:

Where do you lose presence the most — is it the mental load, the phone, the planning ahead? I'd love to know. Come find me on Instagram and tell me.

Experience Motherhood more!

• Follow over on Instagram: @experiencemotherhood
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• Website: https://www.experiencemotherhood.com

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Until next time. . . Go Experience Motherhood!


Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only. In no way is this therapy or clinical advice.

Transcript

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So, presence actually is not about doing less or having a slower life. I think that's a real misconception that goes definitely all over social media, and you hear it a lot from a lot of people. It doesn't mean you're necessarily doing less or having a slow life, but it's about practicing this idea of coming back, like back to the table or back to the moment, back to your kids who are right in front of you. Motherhood is beautiful, but let's be real, it's also overwhelming. If you're a mom who loves her kids fiercely, but also has ambitions beyond the carpool line, you might be feeling something else too. Torn. You're keeping everything running, managing the schedules, the meals, the mental load, but you're also craving something more. Maybe it's your career, your creativity, or just remembering who you were before everyone needed something from you. And the guilt of wanting both, it's exhausting. From the outside, you look like you have it all together, but inside you're stretched thin, wondering if you have to choose between being a great mom and becoming the woman you're meant to be. Here's the truth: you don't have to choose between both. I'm Liz Emmerich, licensed therapist, mom of three, and someone who deeply understands the both and tension of motherhood. This is Experience Motherhood, the place where we dismantle the myth that you have to do it all or lose yourself. Through honest conversations with experts and moms in the trenches, you'll get mental health insights, grounded encouragement, and permission to build a life that honors every part of you. Let's live motherhood fully, honestly, and together. It's time to experience motherhood. Hello and welcome back to Experience Motherhood. You guys, I won at Bingo this weekend, which is completely not the point, but also kind of is, because the reason it felt so good had absolutely nothing to do with the winning and everything to do with the fact that I was actually there. So we were at our local town carnival. It was really loud, chaotic, the tent was crazy, and I wasn't on my phone. I wasn't mentally writing my to-do list. I wasn't half present while pretending to be fully present. I was just truly in it. I was sliding my bingo card, I was laughing, I was watching my kids have a great time, and I noticed it, which is the thing. I actually noticed it in real time. This feeling of not wanting to be anywhere else. And that's what presence actually feels like. It's not sitting in silence, it's not a slow, quiet morning. It could be a loud carnival with a bingo card and kids running everywhere. So today I want to talk about what it actually takes to get there because it didn't happen by accident. And I want to tell you about something I created for this summer that I think is going to really help you feel this too. So as moms and especially high-achieving ones, there is always something else that is pulling at our attention. Perhaps it's work, maybe it's still summer signups that you're still behind on. I mean, I'm not just outing myself here, I hope. Maybe there's things pulling you from the house. Maybe you have house projects, maybe there's laundry that just never seems to end. You know the point. The idea is that so often we are pulled in so many directions, and our minds keep getting pulled to the next thing on our to-do list. And it is so easy, even in the busyness of summer, to get pulled in every direction. And I know that something for me that I've really been intentional about, and I talk honestly, I feel like a lot on this podcast is how to intentionally actually be present and what it actually means. And I feel like this weekend for me was such a great example of how to be present in the moment. And again, I would just want to normalize that this is completely a practice. It is not a personality trait you have or you don't have. It is something that you have to put intention into to be present. So, presence actually is not about doing less or having a slower life. I think that's a real misconception that goes definitely all over social media, and you hear it a lot from a lot of people. It doesn't mean you're necessarily doing less or having a slower life, but it's about practicing this idea of coming back, like back to the table or back to the moment, back to your kids who are right in front of you. So this can look really different. And for me, weekends have really been a time where I could get a lot done, right? Like my partner doesn't work on the weekends. You know, he could be watching the kids and I could just go crazy with my to-do list, but I choose not to. And I choose not to because that is really one of my biggest values is to be with my kids and my family and have that time together, make those memories. And I think what so often happens to us is we think it's all or nothing, that we have to be fully present and that means nothing gets done on our list, or we get everything done on our list and we can't be present. And I want to encourage you that when you find your mind wandering and going to that to-do list or thinking about all the things that you could be doing in this time, that you just notice, you acknowledge it, and you bring your mind back. What are you doing in this current moment? Maybe you are playing bingo with your kids, maybe you're watching them play on the swing set, whatever it is, just coming back, noticing and naming some of the senses around you can be a really grounding and mindful thing. So there are so many things that can get in the way of this. And I think summer is both a time where we put a lot of expectations on maybe having that slower summer, which again, I'm not saying is not a good thing. I think slow, slowing down is a wonderful thing, but I don't think you have to slow down to still be present. Again, it comes back to intention. And there are so many things that can get in the way of that. Um, number one, probably our phones. I mean, if you're being truly honest with yourself, when is the last time that you maybe didn't have your phone for like two or three hours next to you or in the same room as you? Like ask yourself that. I know for me, that's really hard. My phone is usually always around somewhere. But I want to encourage you that when it's not there, that's when I find it's most easy to be present. So, example, at that carnival this last weekend, my phone, yeah, it was on me. It was in my purse, but my purse wasn't even in sight. It was on the ground next to me. It was out of sight and I was being in the moment. I wasn't worried about social media. I wasn't worried about what email might come through. And Saturdays, yeah, that's a little different because maybe you're not working as often on Saturday, but again, it's just this intentional practice of noticing then what is getting in the way and how do I change that? And how do I come back to what I is actually important to me? So it's really practicing that muscle of coming back again, like I said. So noticing today, you know, take this invitation to figure out okay, if I want to be an intentional present mom this summer, how can I practically do that, not just have this idea? And again, if you get distracted and your mind is wandering, you do not need to go down a shame cycle. You just need to acknowledge, oh, there goes my mind again. Oh, there's my distraction. Oh, that's not important, whatever it is, and come back to what is important to you. And that might be different in different seasons. It might be different for each mom. We don't all have the same values. So I want to invite you this summer. Something that I have put together is a completely free six-week email series, really all about this present mom practice. And again, I'm using that word practice because it's a practice forever. I don't think you're gonna ever just achieve this present mom idea and never go back. You are gonna constantly need to practice it and practice that muscle, right? Like you, you know, if you're gonna build true muscle on your body in a physical way, you can't just do it one time and have muscle forever. It's an ongoing practice. This email series is for moms just like me and just like you, who actually want to feel and experience their summer and not just survive it and not just to document it and tell everybody all the things that you did at the end of summer. I want you to really feel it and experience it. So, this email series, it's not going to be a list of things that you need to do, but really just my thoughts and experiences that I'm sharing in story and it may be a small encouragement or challenge each week. So you can go sign up for this email series. It's there's a link in the show notes. I would love for you to be a part of it. Um, and I just want to come back too as we wrap up today's episode. I want to just bring you back to that image of sitting at a folding table in a loud, crazy, chaotic tent, bingo cards everywhere, loud noises, your kids right in front of you. And then invite you that to know that that moment is available for all of us. We have to get back to that path. We have to set that intention, get the distractions out of the way and be fully present with the people and the places that we love. So until next time, go experience motherhood and make sure you use that link in the show notes to join the six-week email series that is coming straight to your inbox. Okay, talk next week. Thank you so much for joining me today, and I hope this episode really brought so much value to your experience in motherhood. Please take a minute to rate and review this podcast and make sure that you're subscribed so you don't miss the next new episode. Until next time, go experience motherhood. The Experienced Motherhood Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered clinical advice or a substitute for individualized mental health care. Although I am a licensed professional clinical counselor, this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you're needing support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider near you. If you're in crisis, contact your local emergency services or the 988 Suicide in Crisis Lifeline.