Comparison in Your Twenties, Skincare Routines, and Quarter Life Crises

Ashley Luchini is my dear friend that I met during a travel writing study abroad course in Greece almost six years ago. She got her degree in nursing and is now pursuing a dual degree in women’s health nurse practitioner and certified nurse midwife. We just had the opportunity to catch up at our mutual friend Katie’s wedding a couple weeks ago and were just chatting about the general chaos of your twenties. In this episode, we discuss the following:

• value of solo travel, dining alone
• why our study abroad experience was "healing" and empowering
• choosing how to explain what you do for work
• comparison is the thief of joy but we struggle with it anyway
• how everyone's paths diverge after college
• how we came to decide on our own careers - current paths
• quarter life crises
• skincare routine, aging bts

Such a lovely convo with a friend <3 enjoy this more casual side to PPP

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Transcript

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, I definitely question. Whether I'm doing it like right, so to speak, which I think is the wrong question to ask, but it's more so maybe an opportunity to ask myself, Oh, is there something I maybe want to change in my life?, I'm feeling things. Why do I need to change? It's so hard to have the courage to, change stuff because sometimes I'll feel like, okay, I'm so good in the spot that I'm in, but am I, just too comfortable? And it's I don't know if I have the courage to do something else, but what if I did that other thing and I really loved it? when I think about in Greece, it's no, I actually have like disdain for , dude, we never put it on. No, I actually was like, I don't need that. ha. I'm invincible. What? Oh, my gosh. So naive. So arrogant. So arrogant. People going through their skincare routine on social media. I went from a one stop routine to okay, you're doing like a 20 step routine.. Okay. Like maybe I should add a couple steps. Everyone's at such a different stage, it almost makes it, harder to relate to people, but there's so much stuff, even if people are at different stages, that you can relate to ashley Lucchini is my dear friend that I met during a travel writing study abroad course in Greece almost six years ago. She got her degree in nursing and is now pursuing a dual degree in women's health nurse practitioner and certified nurse midwife. We just had the opportunity to catch up at our mutual friend Katie's wedding a couple weeks ago, and we're just chatting about the general chaos of your 20s. Figuring out your job, friendships, relationships, where you want to live, etc, etc. So today, Ashley and I are chatting about that. Conversation topics include, but are not limited to, the benefits of solo travel or dining out by yourself, the transition from being on a somewhat similar track to your peers in college versus those paths diverging post college, etc. How we'd rather have a one word answer for the question, So what do you do for work? How comparison is a thief of joy, but we struggle with it anyway. And the oh so sudden shift from not wearing sunscreen one year to having a whole skincare routine the next. Quarter life crises vibes left and right. Ashley also had a travel nurse stint in Hawaii, and we definitely chat about that as well. Thank you for tuning in. I feel like you get to a point when you're on your own for a while where, with meals, you order in a lot, and you're like, God, I want to go to this restaurant, but I have, no one to go with, as it goes. And then, one day you're just pushed to the point where you're like, this is kind of lame. it'd be great if I could just go, No, it's so true. And I feel like once, also no one cares. that's, I feel like that's the biggest part is I know. You feel like everyone's looking at you, but actually no one really gives a shit. I know, it's all in your head.. People are like, whatever. And I feel like it's really tempting too, if you go about yourself to like, be glued to your phone. Yes. But then you should have stayed in. Yes. But it's so fun and you can put like a cute little outfit on, you go out, it's your choice where you're going. You get yourself a little cocktail. Yeah, girl. And you eat whatever you want and it's just you don't have to talk to anybody. Yeah. But then also, I don't know if you noticed this, but if you were to have gone to Hawaii with your significant other or a really close friend, for example, odds that you would have. met certain people would be lower because you, if you're gravitating to hang out with that person all the time, and I feel like that's a very general statement, but what I'm trying to say is , when you're alone, the odds that you talk to random people are much higher or they talk to you. And then you meet these people whose lives are so different from you. And it's So like, rewarding and like, it feels so good, No, I totally agree. Yeah. And I like in, I feel like that, especially in Greece and then in Hawaii, just cause we were like completely separate, if I had known people from my school, I don't think I would have ever met you guys. And even I remember, I wouldn't have met you, but I wouldn't been glued to your hip. Desperate to make friends. Yeah. Because, I don't know, I think you went, you and Rosie, you and Katie both, went by yourselves pretty much, right? We all did, and I remember feeling, so empowered and, fulfilled coming back from that and having made friends. And I didn't think about it that way, but it must have felt that way for, like, all of us. Yeah, no, that's how I was, too. I think that, I really think it made a huge difference, and, it, I feel like it's a combo of, meeting new people and then connecting with them, but also, I don't know if you feel like this about some, sometimes when you go places and you know people from somewhere, you're not necessarily, super connected with them as friends, but since you know them and they're familiar and it's comfortable, you hang out with them. I feel like this almost, forced us to find people who we actually really liked as friends and really were, like, connected with. Yeah. And I feel like when you're traveling alone or doing stuff alone, that happens, even more. Yeah. Just because there's no crutch to hold on to, you're just let me find someone who I can relate to. Yeah. And you don't really have the luxury of being like, judgmental or making assumptions about people like you would in your home environment, because I feel like it's just so hard to get out of that. But when you're abroad, it's the only people I can literally talk to are the people that are here. So. yeah, I don't really have room to like decide whether or not I like want to do that. And yeah, I've just found it to be really good for me. And it also is such a confidence boost when you come away from a new experience and you've Made a friend. It's just it feels so good. Like you didn't make a friend. I mean you didn't make a friend by proximity but like it's just So rewarding, I feel like it's helpful, too I was just thinking about this because I forgot in Greece I was like never on my phone because I feel like we never had service and Hawaii it was just The time zone was, , so crazy off that I never talked to anybody. So that, I feel like, helps, too, because you're just forced. Yeah. You're like, I don't really want to do this, but Yeah. You're forced. And, I even noticed the difference between, travel nursing in Boston and, those two trips just because I was, like, almost too close to home where I could just pop back and forth, and, I already had friends. And like living in Boston, it was still fun to live away from home, but you didn't really get that experience you and I were talking about, it didn't really feel like anything new or exciting or Oh my gosh, I can't believe I did this thing. yeah, that experience was , literally, such a highlight of my college years and I genuinely feel like it was an inflection point like things were not great. Yeah. And then after, they were just like, good. Yeah, no, I completely agree with you. I completely agree. I have one story about my first solo trip. it was to Hawaii, but only for a week, and it was like a vacation. Yes, I remember that. Yeah, and, I remember I went, so my brothers came out for the weekend of the race, which was so sweet. But before they got in, I went on a walk to go pick up my race bib and I was walking around Waikiki, the very touristy part. And I remember FaceTiming my friend and being like, what was I thinking? I booked a whole week here. you know that feeling where you're like, so uncomfortable with a song and being in public alone? You just haven't gotten past that yet, and I was like, what am I gonna do? am I just gonna sit in my hotel room the whole week and I, walked up to some food truck to get food or some hot dog stand and met these two guys, not like in a weird way, but like, Ooh, Rose! Not like in a weird way, but they were very friendly and started asking like, where are you from, whatever, it turns out they were from San Diego and I was living in San Francisco. And we ended up hanging out and like I like by the end of the week I had been invited to one of their birthday parties and met all these people that were living in Hawaii that I never would have met otherwise and it was just really lovely but the funny part of the story is I ate one of the hot dogs from the hot dog stand and I was walking with one of them to a bar on the beach and all of a sudden I was like, I need to go, I need to go throw this up. Wait, what did they, did you really say that? Or were you like, I helped you? No, but I was like, I think I'm gonna, you just go ahead. And I like threw up over the wall of one of these like luxury hotels. Oh, angel. Into like a garden. So sorry. Perfect. Fertilizer. And it was just so fascinating. You're like, wow, I want to die right now. Yeah, it's just a funny story that I thought I'd share. And then you blossomed into a beautiful butterfly. But we remained friends for the trip. That's so cool. I remember I had a time like that in Hawaii, too. I didn't throw up, but I was literally like, why did I come here? I was freaking out. And this lady, you know when you're overwhelmed and freaked out and then someone starts talking to you and you just yes them to death? she, it was on orientation. I'm looking at, My schedule I'm freaking out because it was on some of the days I had class and whatever and I was like, oh my god, and the same thing. I was like, why did I do this? And then this chick is talking to me and she's like, did you come out here with anybody? And I was like, no, I'm by myself. I was like, but my, my, I was like, my, my Chris is coming in. Two weeks or three weeks and she was like, Oh, your husband. And I was like, Mm hmm. And she was like, What does he do? And I was like, Oh, at the time he was like still in school for, Like his master's of, computer science. And I was like, oh, computer stuff. She goes, so IT? And I was like, mm hmm. And she goes, does he work from home? And I was like, mm hmm. None of that's true. And I told him after, he was like, what the hell? But yeah, you just like We really do that sometimes and then I just like now it's so funny but I remember in the moment I just was so uncomfortable and I Just wanted to leave on the spot and I remember even meeting some of the people in the room I was like I'm not seeing you pass this week because I'm good and we ended up being so close I literally hung it I was we I got my nails done with one of the girls to get engaged there. Like she got hurt that's how it like just worked out, but yeah, so travel in your 20s, even though you have no money. I know Again, I feel like it's so easy to just be in your environment your city Whatever either you have your friends or you think, you know What kind of people you're compatible with for friendship, but then you can actually make phenomenal Friendships with people that you would never seek out for yourself. And I think that's so interesting. yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? I feel like your friends change or your tastes and friends change so much too. there are some people I hung out with in college that I'm like, probably would not choose that again. Yeah, it's just interesting. It's like a beautiful experience. but, okay, can we talk about what we talked about last time? Because I don't think. It saved. Wow. That's okay, girl. That's okay. It happens. She said no more. My computer was like, I'm okay. It was like, you just fried my brain with that test. So I'm good on the recording situation. Okay. Yeah. It's okay. It's stuck in uploading, That's okay. That's how I feel too. Yeah. Always uploading. Yes, exactly. Always pending. Always pending. Yeah. Get it, girl. Get it. I'm gonna put that on a hat and I'm gonna send it. Yeah, put that on a hat, girl. With the little, twirly thing. Oh, yes. buffering. yeah. I love that. Okay, Ashley, would you mind reintroducing to listeners what you, and also everyone who's listening, Ashley was talking about Hawaii where she contracted as a travel nurse. For a couple months last year. No, two years ago. Cheers. It's been a while. Okay. It's been a while, girl. It is. Has been. yes, okay. I'm Ashley Luchini. That's Sweet Rose, as you know. I don't know if they know you like that, but I know you like that. Um, and I am a nurse currently, but I am getting my I'm dual degree in women's health nurse practitioner and certified nurse midwife. It's been a struggle, but we're doing it. So I like travel nurse the first year of the year plus, yeah, I think a year of the program. And now I just work per diem, but. we were talking yesterday, but we have reconvened because my brain was a little fried from a test. but we were saying how like when, like Rosie was, a software engineer and I was just a nurse, not just a nurse, but a nurse. it was so easy to just tell people what you were doing and you got a little confidence hit from it. But now that we're kind of on this different path, it's a little hard to explain to people what we do. And it's like a little bit of a quarterly of crisis. Yes. Yes. Yes. She's scary. Wait, what do you mean, what does it mean when you say, I work, did you say carpe diem? Oh, I love that. No. It's called per diem. Per diem. It's it's nice. You just you pick up whenever you want and some places have a minimum amount of hours that you have to do. Yeah, that's it. They have it. It's basically if they have someone who gets sick or they randomly have holes in the schedule, they want you to fill the holes. But it's nice if you're in school or if you just don't really want to work that much. Okay. Sly. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Okay. Yeah. Carpe diem was not. Carpe diem, girl. How do you say that? Don't start saying that. When they call me to pick up, I'm gonna be like, Am I supposed to carpe diem? I'm not coming. Yeah, no didn't know what that meant. Yeah, but Okay. Yeah, thank you for reintroducing for your patience. But yes what Ashley said, We saw each other recently lol our other friends Katie sweet Katie's wedding and We just had a chat on, the crises, skincare, aging, career direction, comparison with friends who are in different paths, things like that. yeah, for me, I feel like when I moved home, two months ago, it was an interesting situation where I had already been thinking about and wanting to do this, entrepreneurial journey, but then I was laid off. So I was forced to do it. And so I think it took me a while to be like, this is my thing now. And when I first moved home, I honestly just avoided conversations with people who I knew would ask me what I was up to. Because I, hadn't really processed it enough myself, and I dreaded, not being able to just, give them a one line answer. and I would, almost anticipate, questions they would ask, or, things they would say, even though, it's not like I actually encountered anyone who had, malicious intent, or, was judging me, but it's just it's just different. It's like less concise, less like widely accepted as successful by society vibes. Yeah. I feel like you always prepare an explanation too. It's never just like a one word like, Oh, I'm this. It's I'm this, and this is what that means, and this is why, and blah, blah, blah. it's never, you can never just say, the thing that you're doing. I feel like you always have to have, X, Y, Z to go along with it. And, I don't know if this happens to you. I feel like it might be a little bit different just because healthcare is not regimented. What's the word I'm thinking of? a tier. Right? Structured? Structured, I'll always, I have, anyone. first of all, a lot of people just don't know, like, Which is fine. It's, it is what it is. they just either won't know what a midwife is or not know what a nurse practitioner is or they think it's something different, which is a whole other problem. But it's just because it's, they got to like tighten up their, what we're calling it. Cause. Even like in the literature, they're like, mid level provider, APP, and nurse practitioner, APRN, there's so many different things you can call it, and I think that's why there's so much confusion, but I've had people be like, oh, so you're, you're gonna be a nurse, and I'm like, already a nurse, or they'll be like, why don't you go to med school? I'm like, I'm already in so deep, we were in so deep. You're like, why don't you go to med school? That's one of my responses. You should do that.. But also the other thing is like at this point, my undergrad was four years. I've been a nurse for four years and this program is three years. So I'm like, Obviously, physicians have a different type of education, but at the end of the day, they're doing a couple more years of school. it's I'm at four, seven, actual education, and then four, Like clinical. Yeah, and like it's in that we're in there or like I love they'll be like wanting to be a PA and I'm like, I'm gonna be higher than a PA when I graduate. No. I'm like no. Actually. I know I feel like you already talked last time LOL about me. You just made a decision, but, and you just jumped and you're like, okay, hope this works out. And it feels right now. but like, when you were thinking about med school versus PA versus MP, what are some of the reasons you decided against, those ones, especially med school? Cause I know it's I've thought about it a little bit at some point, a much smaller scale, but I, to me, I was like, that is a massive commitment, bro. I, after we talked about it yesterday, I was like, why did I decide that? But, and then it like, I like, jogged my memory again. This is terrible and I like, don't even want to say this, but I feel like I really want kids., I don't know how to describe it. I wanted to, I wanted something I love so much like birth, like it's just the coolest thing. But I wanted something where I could drop down to part-time when I had kids and like it could still be there. When they get older, whereas I feel like with, if you're like a physician, you have to be like in it. there's no like part time. Yeah. Like it's like you're either like, you're in it or you're not. there's no half and half situation. And I even remember one of the OBs that I work with, or worked with, at my last clinical, she was so cool and, had, three kids, three kids, under three and, the poor thing was just trying her best to manage it all, but I think it's just, really hard and, there's something. There's, something so special about being a woman and being able to, be a mother and provide and nurture for your kids in that way, and I think just, I don't know, kids want their mom. So it's so hard to, it's hard to, not pick one over the other, because I always think about that too. It's, depressing that you have to, decide one or the other, but this was something where I could give 100 percent to both, if that makes sense. And, the main reason is that I love to talk, as you know, and I found that, as a physician, I wouldn't, not that I wouldn't have time to talk to my patients, but they have so much more responsibility in terms of, like, they have, 15 minutes they have to see you and, X, Y, Z, they have to get done. Whereas, with midwifery, you can, you are able to spend more time on them just because of how, Everything shakes out. And you're able to, go labor with them, you're able to go, have an extra 10 minutes with them in the exam room. So it's just for me, it made more sense just because I think of my personality and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and it worked out. In the sense that I loved it, because I remember I was telling you yesterday, I was really unsure, but I knew I had to make a decision because I wasn't happy where I was. And I feel like it's similar to what you were saying with getting laid off and then doing the entrepreneur, entrepreneurial stuff. It is. Girl, she's a hard word. Doing it full time, it's like sometimes you just have to jump and see what happens and if it's not right, that's fine. At least you know it's not the right thing for you. But I feel like nine times out of ten, you love it and you don't look back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, girl. Yeah, typing that word out all the time is not fun, but I've gotten It's probably the best part, girl. I don't envy you. Yeah, there's a lot of ease and use, in that word, actually. She's a spelling queen now. Yes, she is. but yeah, definitely. And I don't know, it's just crazy how, things feel like such a big deal when once you're out of the realm, we also talked about that yesterday. Oh, wow. once you're out of the realm of the standard path, high school, college, whatever, when you think about it in the grand scheme of things, it's so natural that we would all go on our own paths and those paths are going to look so different, but in the moment. In the first couple years after college, it really does feel like so stressful. because for me, it felt like I was making my own decisions for the first time that would affect the trajectory. And so they all just felt, they all feel like so intense, but also like when I was 22, 23, whatever, right out of college, I wasn't in the mood yet to think about my long term goals. Like I wasn't, that wasn't on my mind, but then around whatever age, 25. I was like, we need maybe to think about this or like just understanding that you're going to have to think about it at some point. And it's gonna maybe suck to shake up your life in X, Y, or Z way, but maybe better to get a head start. And then I would hear advice from older people who were like, once you have more and more responsibilities. It's maybe harder to be very mobile with what you're doing. And so once that started to sink in. It became easier to be like, okay, let's shake things up a little bit. I feel like that's been hitting so hard too lately. I don't know about, how you feel about it, but I feel like especially, obviously we just went to Katie's wedding, and then, I feel like literally all of my friends are getting married, and I'm like, oh, Can I swear in here? Yeah. I'm like, oh shit. Okay. So sometime in the next 10 years, like it's going to be like, more just like up and moving without consulting someone. Exactly. that's a little scary. And I feel like it just hits you. You're like, okay, like we are gonna enter into a time, very exciting time, but like at some point, you're going to have to consult. Not have to, but you should. to be like a nice person. you should you're gonna have to like, consult someone before you, do yeah. Things. And you might, you're gonna be like a team. Yeah. Which is like That is wild too. That's a wild pattern. It's it's not just, it's not just you anymore. My mom always used to say that when I was growing up. I have a little bit, I'm an adrenaline junkie a little bit, so I would always be doing like XYZ thing and my mom would get so upset and she'd be like, you are not on your own island. you have a family and God forbid anything happens to you, it happens to all of us. And I was like, girl, bye. Like I don't know what you're talking about, but now I'm like, oh, I totally get it. that's like your little, It's not just you. It's a spot. Yeah. Yes. Totally. yeah. I just think it's so crazy to think about that. dude, I can't imagine. I know. I know. Life comes at you fast. I know. And, yeah, it's just crazy to think about. It's just such a messy time. Because, even making a plan is really hard because things change. Oh. And as you were talking, I had this thought, which is like maybe figure out what you want before it's decided for you or you just find yourself in a path where you're like, I'm here and it works. So whatever. And even finding out what you want for yourself is a whole process. yeah. It's a long process. I'm not even there yet. And it also takes, experimenting. you're gonna know how much, being an NP or, working as midwife aligns with you once you're there. And then you'll know. But, you wouldn't know. Like you probably weren't thinking about that two, three years ago, and you wouldn't know. I don't know. I, it's so funny. It's all coming. It's like sad that it gets lost like this when you get older, but when you were talking and then it just reminded me, when I was younger, you asked me yesterday why, how I wanted to know, how I knew I wanted to be a nurse practitioner. When I was like, I think 14, 14 or 15, I was like, I'm going to find out what I want to do. I'm going to have a vocation. I'm not just going to have a random job. Like I'm going to find my vocation in life and I'm going to pick something that I can't wait to get out of bed every day and do it. And I would literally pick something every day at no matter how bizarre it was, and I would write it in a notes app. And just wait until something felt good to me. And I literally would write, astronaut, physicist, engineer, baker. Like, I had, this crazy list of, just random jobs. And, I wanted to be, I always crack up. I'm like, I wanted to be a spy so badly, but I told everyone I wanted to be a spy, so now you can't be a spy., but, um, yeah, it would be so cool. But, and then I remember I had no interest in, anything medical just because my whole family is in it. And I shadowed this lady for one day and I didn't see one patient because I was too young, but I freaking loved it. It was like, this is what I'm going to do. And then just like you said, like how, when you're in it, you can really tell, I love being a nurse. Don't get me wrong. And I think part of it is got like a little soured by the pandemic and everyone was just in a bad mood and we're overworked and whatever. But like being. In the role that I am right now is the best thing in the world. It feels so good and it felt good being a nurse, but I was so burned out even after four years. I'm like, oh, I'm done. I'm so done with this, but this is like being a midwife or being a nurse practitioner, being in this role just feels so right. And so good. And I'm not yearning for more and still, I'm obviously you're going to doubt you're going to be like, oh, I wish I did X, Y and Z. But. Like at the end of the day, I'm so happy that this is what I chose or this pitch me just because it fits and I feel like I love that you're doing this podcast because I feel like it comes full circle like you're, I feel like every time you step on here and you talk to someone you're like one step closer. I mean, you're kind of already doing it. this is the thing. You know what I mean? this is the platform, but every time you come on here, it's you're one step closer to finding out like what you really want to do. Yeah, thanks girl. So nice. Sweet girl. Sweet angel. Yeah, it is a messy business, but it's nice to hear. the positive reinforcement, but that's such a cute story about like you writing things down. Oh, thanks. Bye. I wish I still had the list. It was so funny. Yeah. Damn. You were on it. You were years ago, dude. But what happened? I feel like this is important to note too, is I definitely, and I feel like you probably witnessed this change in Greece. I used to be so like. Organize an anal and just making sure that I had all my ducks in a row and then I don't even know when I realized it, but I definitely had my little, crashing down moment where that wasn't feasible anymore. And yeah, you can work hard to get somewhere or like, Try to get your ducks in a row, but it's okay to not have them in a row and sometimes it's not Great for your mental health to be like, yeah, so cray about stuff and that's fine I feel like it took me a while to be okay with that. But sometimes it's okay So maybe you just cry a little bit. Yeah Perfectionist vibes, yes girl. Sometimes it's like we gotta let it we let it breathe a little bit You Yeah, we do. I totally feel that. The intensity is a lot sometimes. But Grace was so good for that because I don't know, it was just really healing for me. I don't know. We were literally taking a course on travel writing. I know we just hung out and we, I feel like those journals we did were just, it was just like a gossip session. Christine loved., she connected the dots. Like for context, we had to do these weekly journals. Was it weekly or was it every day? I like feel like it was every day. I know. No, you know what? was every day and then you had to hand it in at the end of the week. Okay, yeah. But we would all like write stuff in there, but we wouldn't really mention names, but she got all of ours. So I don't really know why we didn't connect the dots that she would not figure out like whose was Yeah, like she knew she had to have known the tea. yeah. Christine was our instructor, professor. Amazing. Phenomenally. yeah. She moved to Greece too. She was from what, London or something? I don't recall. Maybe, yeah. And then I remember she had a story, a crazy story where she literally just moved to Greece. Yeah. And she like literally learned Greek, which is a very difficult language to learn. wow. Yeah, great lady. Loved her. Yeah. but yes, I feel that. Everything that you just said. And, yeah, even the, outside of the job stuff, figuring out what you want, I feel is a process. It is. It's it's just like a never ending sometimes. It's like, where do I want to live? How much money do I want to make? What kind of lifestyle do I want? what is meaningful to me? Like, how do I want to, how do I want to approach my finances? What do I want in a relationship? What do I want in friendships? It's just so much once you open the door to Oh, I can actually have a say in this. So I'm gonna really think about these things and, so it's yeah, I feel like that's maybe what your 20s is meant to be. just try to find meaning in the struggles, girl. I feel like it's You know that TikTok sound that's like Will Ferrell, and he's I'm so fucking scared right now. I feel like that's if you had to like, summarize your 20s, that's just what it is. Yeah. It's like everything. it doesn't matter what it is. It's I'm just fucking scared. But it's so true. And I feel like, I don't know if you feel this too, but it's I find myself like, I like a lot of different things. And I don't know how to, fit it into, like, Like, I always feel like I'm having, an identity crisis. Like, what do I, like, because, like, trust me, I'll flee to Hawaii. I'll go. And I would, part of me is, I would love to, live there forever. But I also love my family. And they're not going to flee with me. So it's, these two different things. Or even, you were saying, what you want in, friendships or what you want in a relationship, it's, It seems like it would be really straightforward, but it's not that straightforward. Yeah. And it's definitely hard when other people are doing stuff. it's like sometimes distracting in a good way because it gives you a little bit of inspo, but also not good distracting because you're comparing and you're like, maybe I should be doing that. Or I would like that I should be, I don't know, you know, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like I was especially susceptible. To comparison early on. And I wouldn't say I'm like out of the woods yet by any mean with that. Yeah. No, and just perspective and realizing that we're all on different paths, which we definitely are. But early on, I don't know, it's really hard. Cause again, you're in that environment where you're all more or less at the same, benchmark, whether you're three years into a nursing degree or three years into a coding degree or whatever, but then. You graduate and you move to new cities or some people are traveling, some people are starting this job, whatever. And then some people are getting engaged or getting married, starting families or something. And I don't know, it can just feel like a lot at once. And yeah, I definitely question. Whether I'm doing it like right, so to speak, which I think is the wrong question to ask, but it's more so maybe an opportunity to ask myself, Oh, is there something I maybe want to change in my life? if I see that and I'm like, Oh, I want that. Or I don't want that. it's a situation where it's I'm feeling things. Why do I need to change? I don't know. I feel like it's hard to, I don't know if you feel like this, but It's so hard to have the courage to, change stuff because sometimes I'll feel like, okay, I'm so good in the spot that I'm in, but am I, just too comfortable? You know what I mean? And it's I don't know if I have the courage to do something else, but it's like, what if I did that other thing and I really loved it? Yeah. I feel like that's hard too because you don't I feel like the boat is so rocky already, I'm not trying to rock my boat even more to a point where it's uncomfortable. Yes. Or I guess more uncomfortable than it already is because it's already uncomfortable. Yes. Definitely. it's hard being in a state of like, instability. It's not great for mental health. Oh no, girl. This is not. No. It's not. But I just had this crazy thought, maybe one day you could you could rent a place in Hawaii for like two months of the year or something, I don't know. that'd be so cool, yeah I would love that. You could just get like your little piece of that. My fix, yeah. Yeah. That's so true, aw. Maybe in the winters when Yeah. Connecticut is less When it's dead inside, just like me. Yeah. Yes, yes. Um, that's such a good idea because yeah, I feel like I feel that I don't know. this might be like a side tangent, but I feel like when I was growing up, all I wanted to do was like, get out of my hometown and explore and see the world, et cetera. And then studying abroad, in Europe felt so glamorous and exciting. And then I feel like even with a lot of friends I've made in my twenties. You like, you hear this, I feel like thrown a lot where it's like, Oh, I want to have a house in like Italy one day. I want to like own a vineyard and like just crazy random stuff. And it's like, yes, that, but then it's I feel like as I got older and hopefully matured and realize how much I already had going on in my life, Oh, I'm lucky to have a beautiful family already. Like I'm really lucky that I have these people in my life and it's Oh, I actually want to like really cherish these. Friendships, these relationships that I already have and that are already so meaningful. There was less of that, escapism. Let me just see the world. Let me just get out on my own. Cause it's I've proved to myself that I can and it's there if I want it. Oh, there's like less desperation to go do. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. And, so it is then , when you're thinking about like, when I'm thinking about my future, I'm like, it would be nice to, actually be in my hometown for at least part of the year, be around my family, not make it so it's so infrequent. so I just feel like it's hard to make a five, 10 year plan when I witnessed my own values, priorities, desires for the future changing so much, you know? Um, That's so true. That's all. I love, too, how you brought up, like, you could, you could do both. I don't know why that has never occurred to me. No. It was always, it has to be, like, so dramatic. I'm either, moving to Italy, we're having a vineyard, or, we'll just stay in Connecticut forever. it's, there's no in between. it's one or the other. Yeah. And I feel, like, also, I don't know, I didn't really feel this way so much after Greece. But I felt it I think because I was a little younger. That's the thing too, you just change so much. but after Hawaii, I was just like, wow, you can live like this. you can literally choose how you want to live. there's no, you don't have to stay in XYZ place. you can just go live somewhere. it's the world's your oyster. people say that, but it's like, for real, you could actually for real up and move wherever you want to. obviously, Things have to line up. We can't really, you know what I mean? Mm hmm. But that was really cool. Yeah, empowering. You can leave. Yeah. You can see the scene as much as you want. I know, you can flee. You can say bye. You can flee. Bye. Yeah, it is really exciting. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, I miss California. It's fine. I feel like it's so funny too, even like our demeanor from yesterday to today. Bye. this is like classic, 20s roller coaster. I feel like yesterday we were, like, depressed, and today we're like, it's beautiful! Wow, she's in a great mood today. No, me too. I don't really recall what was happening yesterday. I was a little fried yesterday. I'm not gonna lie. Okay, that's fair. Post exam. Yeah, she was hittin but it's okay. Yeah, no, it really is such a rollercoaster. Wow. yes. Yes. Okay, should we talk about the other topic, which is skincare, LOL? Yes! Just, vague shifts we've noticed from 24 to 25, or whatever. When your skin routine comes at you fast. Yeah, when, oh my gosh, Ashley, Yeah, when I think about in Greece, it's no, I actually have like disdain for sun, block or what do they call it? I know, dude, we never put it on. No, I actually was like, I don't need that. ha. I'm invincible. What? Oh, my gosh. So naive. So arrogant. So arrogant. I remember I actually started wearing sunscreen in Greece, I think. Like I feel like you would have been on like the cutting edge there like you would have been responsible about I was like because what happened was I think my mom was like it was like beyond scared straight She was like you don't understand the sun is a different beast over there Like you need to put sunscreen on otherwise, you will fry. Yes, like I don't know how She scared me into it, but I did do it But I remember before that I would just like never even touch I didn't even have sunscreen Like it was just like We didn't own her. We didn't own her. We didn't know her. it was like, no. And then, I don't even know when the shift happened. I just were like, I was like, woke up one day, 25, at the ripe age of 25, and I was like, seems like there are a couple of things that weren't there before. Yeah. And your skin routine changes. We don't really have one right now. We're just throwing everything but the kitchen sink at her, but it's fine. And then people start talking about like Botox and Trenton Owen and yes, but last year we weren't wearing sunscreen. I know. No, I'm confused as to how we got from A to B, it's crazy. And I feel like I know social media was like, around. When we were in college, but I personally wasn't on it as much as I am now. And I think that's also a big contributor because I see so many like, people on social media that look so flawless and it's the same thing with a comparison. And I'm like, okay, how does your skin look like that girl? And my skin doesn't look like that. And then begins again, like the, Oh dear. Oh dear. And then also there's so many people going through their skincare routine on social media. I'm sure it depends on your algorithm, but you're like, how do you have so many steps? Yeah. It's so true. You do all those things to like, True. Is that what's required? Like of I'm tired girl. I don't really know if I can do the 27 steps. we're barely making it to nine 30 these days. Exactly. I don't really know. I went from a one stop routine to okay, you're doing like a 20 step routine.. Okay. Like maybe I should add a couple steps. I feel like that's like how it went for me. Yeah. And yeah, from one year to the next. drastically changed habits. And it was like a need to know basis. Like it wasn't until I started noticing. Yeah. Girl, it was not a want for sure. It was like the slightest thing. Okay. Maybe I should hear these preventative people, these preventative girlies out. Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. And I was like, I, the fact that I used to just sleep in my makeup as like a standard of care, I don't think I started, I like, shit you not, I did not start washing my face until like maybe a year ago. And I'm not even kidding. actually, no, I started watching it during COVID because that was nasty. Because I got like the mask knee and whatever, but like the way I would just sleep in my makeup It just came to bed with me. there was no It was like we brush our teeth. We go to sleep. There's a little mascara on the pillow and then that was it and no skin issues. She was looking like now it's If I so much as breathe in the wrong direction. It's a real problem. Or like, when you don't sleep enough or don't drink water. I'm like, oh! Didn't realize that I had my grandmother's skin right now. Love her. I love you bae, but she's 92. Before I forget, I don't know where, it made me feel like a lot better about it. And I don't really know where, I don't know who said it. I don't know where it came from, but Someone, it was probably on TikTok, let's be real, but someone was like, it's such a, beautiful thing to be able to age, and it's like such a, Yes! It's such a, I hate the word privilege, but, it's such a privilege to be able to age, because, she was talking about, a death that she, because of someone she knew when she was young, and, I was like, that's so true. we have, one of my family friends passed away when she was 19. And I'm like, you know what? She's never got to have, she never had the like 25 midlife wrinkle crisis. And it's actually so cool that we have lived long enough and we're gonna, knock on wood, hopefully keep kicking to get some wrinkles. Oh my gosh, yes. My brother's fiance and I were chatting about this the other day. And she had this, story of when she was, like, young, maybe in kindergarten or something and she, noticed her teacher's, smile lines and she, she was, like, I want those, I want that, that's a sign of, I don't know, maybe happiness or laughter, they've smiled a lot. Yeah. And, yeah, I feel like that's cute to think about and yeah, it's just frustrating how I've seemed to have been thrust into this situation now where I'm in a race to slow down my own and yeah, I agree, like so many people's lives are cut short, that's definitely really tragic,, yeah it's a privilege to age in the first place. So it's just I feel like I just forget that. When I notice these changes on my face, and I'm like, oh gosh, because it's like, it's hard because it's like you, I feel like you've been conditioned, especially like women have been conditioned to yeah, you have to always look like you're 18. Yeah, and it's maybe it's a good thing to have a couple of wrinkles. it means you have enjoyed your life and you got a little vitamin D and you didn't wear sunscreen. Exactly. It's but it makes sense why, in society, it makes sense why we're, like, feeling this, these feelings of, oh, my body's changing, my skin is changing, oh, God, need to, stop that now, because, Yeah, it is then seen by, society as, less attractive or whatever. It's just a whole thing. Yeah, so true. I even do, remember, I don't know, what the ages are of people who listen to your podcast, but they can pencil this for when they turn that age. In school, we learned about how, when you go into menopause, which is, first of all, you go into menopause, average age is 51. That's, if you're living to 100, that's, half your life. It's like you have a whole life to live after you go into menopause and then we were talking about how you just gain weight and it's usually in your lower belly and that's just normal. You just gain a little weight and it's totally normal and It sucks, it's not ideal, but that's how it is. But it's I feel like so many people just try to chase. I mean, me too. I'm not like, no judgment, I'm right there with you, but it's you just it's like a lot trying to keep up with everything. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Like most of your life, you're going to be chasing. It's like science. Yeah. It's like how bodies work. And I've you probably know a lot about this, but like for women, patting around our literal reproductive organs. Someone told me that and it made me feel so much better. Yeah. It's that little guy is there for a reason. It's protecting your little uterus, your cuterus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, it's like nice to talk about it because this is only going to happen more and more say we have children or whatever, like our bodies are literally just going to be changing and changing.. So it's like, it's like the first sign of it. It's like, whoa. Yeah. what? I'm not young forever. Yeah. What? Yeah, that, I think that's like the big, I think that was like the biggest thing for me is I was like, oh my God. Like I, there's no stopping it and I am not going to be young forever. that's just, I don't know why when you're 24 even you think that you are going to be young forever. But it's like all of a sudden you're like, oh, wait, I'm gonna, my body's going to change, my face is going to change, my hair is going to change. And even like in, when you're pregnant, like so many things about your body, like you're growing human, obviously. But some of the things go back, but your body's never the same again. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, like you birthed the human, but it's just crazy that this huge life experience. Comes and you're just never the same again, it's even I think about It's such a like symbolic thing It's like your cervix that you could tell when someone's been pregnant before because your cervix looks different. Isn't it cool? Like it's just the craziest thing to me. Like my mom was telling me I'm a twin obviously as But I forget sometimes Yeah. Oh, yeah. so we should be like crap. It's not funny cause I feel bad, but she's she's literally, she's I used to be like a zero or a two and then you guys just opened my hips and that was it. They just never went back. And I was like, that's crazy. Yeah. She's I literally grew like a pant size just from being pregnant. That is everyone away. Yeah, and it's I feel like it's so fair to start thinking about it now because it's okay Do I want to spend my life catching up or covering up what is going to naturally Occur it's yeah, it's along those lines of what do I want? Like, how do I want to handle this inevitable process? Yeah That's so true. It's such a good way to think about it. it's what role do I want to play in this? it's interesting. It's an interesting topic, for sure. It is, overall. I think it's so fun. That was like, so funny, though, in Earth, Carolina. We were just like, we both looked at each other and we were like, yeah. What's going on? Yeah, no, because we saw each other, but, I think we started talking about it in October, but then we saw each other a year before that, and we weren't, I wasn't really thinking about it. Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about it. And now I feel even at Katie's wedding, we had that, whole convo with everybody. We were like, who's with the Botox right now? Yeah. It's just crazy. All of a sudden, I feel like you turn, 24, 25, and everyone is just Feeling it. Yeah. Yeah. And not even as like visually externally, but internally a lot genuinely feeling like changes. so it's just interesting. So add that to the list of the internal chaos of am I doing the right thing? That's going to alter my life forever. Alter my skin forever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, but it's a confusing time. It is a confusing time, but it's really nice to talk about that. And it's nice to talk about it with you. And I'm excited to share this on the podcast because it's all been so professional probably because I felt like I have to make it that way. but in reality, behind the scenes, All this stuff is going on. Yeah, it's so true. As I'm trying to , yeah, figure out what I want to do. So it's it's definitely a huge part of everything. Everything we just talked about. Yeah, so true. and it affects so much. yeah, I know. I'm so glad you're sharing it. I feel like it's it's just fun. I don't know. It makes you feel better. I like, I love talking about this stuff with you just because it's it just makes you feel better going through it too. And I feel especially, I don't know why our age, like. People just don't talk about it. Everyone seems like they have all their shit together, but like, no one, no one does. Yeah. And there's less I don't know, like when we were in those group situations, like college, proximity to so many people your age. And then I feel like as we get older, we go on our different paths. We connect with friends less frequently. So there's just less insight into everyone's inner state maybe? I don't know. And I feel like we said, people are all different stages of their life. some people are having babies, some people are getting married, some people are , single, some people have never had a boyfriend. it's Everyone's at such a different stage, it almost makes it, harder to relate to people, but there's so much stuff, even if people are at different stages, that you can relate to. yeah, definitely. yeah, I'm glad that we're doing this, and I'm glad that I'll be able to, share this with whoever's following along. And, yeah, I've noticed, I listen to a bunch of podcasts, and, Some of the people like really experienced podcast hosts, entrepreneurs, whatever. There's this one guy I really like, his name is Steven Bartlett. and he has this podcast diary of a CEO and , he's such a good host because. He like, he creates these environments in which the interviewee is really comfortable and able to share vulnerabilities. And then he shares, he's very open about vulnerabilities in his life. And I think it's definitely uncomfortable to be vulnerable when, you have this platform, you're like, anyone can listen. Like it's uncomfortable and feels a little weird, but It just makes a really, engaging podcast and it's, like how lovely that this super powerful man is not afraid to be honest about, his own struggles. Yeah. it's good. That's why I like it. Yes, girl. Yeah. We agree. Okay, well. Yeah, I honestly, it would be great if I could, do this more with people, Yeah, I feel like you should. Definitely. Yeah. Even like when Katie comes back from her honeymoon, you should ask her about married life and Yes, totally. What that's like. Yeah. And then she's a writer and what that's like and also trying to build her, singing. Yeah, I was gonna say that would be cool to talk to her about too. Yeah, totally. props to you for the idea, girl. Anytime, sister. Anytime. Okay. Thank you so much for, doing this with me. This was so fun. Thank you, girl. It's an honor. Good, I'm so glad. It's a gift, girl. It is a gift, and we'll always have this conversation now. Oh, wow. she's a no bow. We can just go back to that. I don't know if you want to revisit her ever again. Sometimes it feels like literally everything I create, I'm like, I know that I'm going to hate that in a year because I'm going to be like, You've grown so much. You've changed so much. You're not going to want to like, look back. But it's you just got to do it. You just got to do it sometimes. Sometimes you just got to bite the bullet and you have to see what was up.