What I Learned in 2024

#61. What I Learned in 2024

• What I worked on
• Solopreneurship vs being employed
• Lesson in self awareness: taking accountability for my actions
• Importance of ripping out an old life to make room for a new. How isolation was helpful but painful… because of my perception
• Comparison running rampant, wreaking havoc
• Resources that helped me - people and practices (journaling)
• What’s important to me now
• Moving across the country
• Recruiting while everyone is spouting doomsday vibes about AI
• How perspective shifts were everything throughout all of this
• What I’m looking to call in in this chapter
• Why the podcast is lit

Transcript

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Welcome back. I know that the headphones are not cute actually, by saying that I bring attention to it, which I prefer or not so. New headphones that capture better audio quality are on the list, the list of priorities, um, just pulling up my 2025 vision board right now so that I can channel the right energy while I do this situation. So for context, I really wanted to do an episode on what I learned in 2024 because it was a big year of growth for me and it really changed the way I view a lot of things and I feel like it changed the trajectory, um, in terms of like what I thought I wanted and what I came to. Instead, or come out the other side thinking or believing. So I wanted to share that with you all or just leave it here for consumption at a later date. Um, people always say things like growth and success aren't linear, and I think that. I really felt that this year, um, just with what felt like a lot of steps backwards. But if I were to zoom out, I don't actually know the role that those steps will play in my future. And it's very possible that those what felt like steps back could actually be steps forward or. I don't know, be playing a role that I don't fully understand right now. So let me get into what I worked on in 2024. Um, so at the beginning of 2024, I was finishing up a contract at Apple as a data engineer, and that contract ended prematurely. They told me in December of 2023. At the time, I had been podcasting, interviewing entrepreneurs for about nine months of my life, and I was really amped up on the entrepreneurship energy. I wanted to take risks. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to try my hand at entrepreneurship. I wanted my time back from engineering and I was prepared to sacrifice a salary and insurance and, you know, living in a beautiful city. Um, and the, the stab, the stable income that that required. In order to go and try to get these things, get experience being an entrepreneur. So that was my response when I found out that my contract was ending. And so I sold all my belongings, bought a car and drove across the country, home to Michigan from San Francisco with the help of my family, and I moved in with my parents. I took about a month to just kind of like recover from the busyness of what my life had been. And then I started getting really into solo work, which is exactly what I had wanted. I wanted the time and the space to explore lots of different thoughts, um, to ramp up the pace at which I was interviewing people. To grow passion project pending on social media, to try side hustles, to network locally, to be the kind of person who is advocating for themselves, um, and their product, which at the time all I had was my podcast and it was such an experience because. Um, that was a very different feeling than working a nine to five, having the structure put upon you, um, which I used to see as a curse, but I came to see as actually a nice thing. It is actually quite difficult to go from having structure put upon you your entire life to creating your own. In a way where you are actually like making good use of that time. It requires like these things like discipline and focus. And I thought that I had developed those skills and maybe I had in a way, but not to the extent that this sort of endeavor seem to require, and by that I mean solo entrepreneurship. Um, working for yourself, building a business. Like, there's a lot of like mental tenacity I think that is involved in that. And I realized through that experience how shaky my foundation was. I didn't have that tenacity. Um. I learned a lot, but not what I thought I was gonna learn. Like I thought I was gonna just learn like business lessons and like, um, how to make money and like, I don't know, some sort of like secret that would unlock external success. But I actually just learned about my shortcomings in terms of work, um, or like focus or like pure motivation or like desire to be really good at one thing. And I became aware of like what needed to improve. And so what I thought was gonna be like six months spent building a successful business or the foundation of one, it was actually just coming to terms with like myself and like where I was at, through a series of like what felt like failures. Um, whether that was. Like trying to grow my podcasts Instagram a certain amount, or trying to make a certain amount through freelancing, which is something that I did. And I have a separate episode on that, that you can listen to. Um, just trying to like filter through all of this, like entrepreneurship, noise online. So, yeah, that's what I worked on. And that's a little bit about the difference between solo entrepreneurship versus being employed. It was such an experience and such a lesson in self-awareness. Um, beyond the work stuff, I learned a lot about like, how I was approaching things in life in general in terms of like relationships and, um. You know, health and like relationships with family and, um, how I had been as an employee even. And I, I think like if I were to summarize like the vibes, it was just like, again, like, yeah, like realizing shortcomings, like, like understanding how much growth there was to be had. Um, in areas my of my life that were already accessible to me. So it's like I kind of thought that I was ready to go from like high earning Silicon Valley Tech employee to high earning entrepreneur and. Um, I realized that like there's still a lot that I can do to maximize the opportunity I'm currently in, which is like being a software engineer, being a podcast host, being a good friend, taking good care of myself, understanding myself, my boundaries, um, what I wanna create. Like how I don't actually need all the time, all my time to get what I want right now. Like how I can still learn in a nine to five, how I can still derive value from a nine to five. Um, how I want to work with a team right now. And I'm not equipped to have a team of my own, like how I need to. Build myself up like financially and like psychologically before I take a big risk again. Because when you rip the rug out from under yourself in terms of like resources, you are like forced as a person to scramble. And that is not, that does not equate to thinking clearly, which is like where I need to be and like where I make my best decisions. So these are some of the lessons I learned. Um, I do think it was important for me to kind of rip out. It sounds violent, but that's kinda what it felt like. Rip out an old life to make room for a new one. I, I left San Francisco. I'd always been thinking of leaving San Francisco. Since the day I moved. Um, not to say it isn't an incredible place and I love it there, but that doesn't change the reality of what I felt inside. Um, and I was ready to leave when I left. I was, I was ready to do that. I was ready for the next chapter, whatever that held. And in the process of moving. From that, you know, I, I like had this like weird state being at home. I didn't really know what was next. I didn't know where I was gonna move or when I was gonna move slowly. I came to like, choose San Diego. But, um, it was, is interesting and. I didn't realize how much I was influenced by my environment and like the experiences and relationships I had had over those like three plus years in San Francisco. How much I was like living life similarly to those around me, just because that's what I saw every day. Um, and I'm not like. Really like trying to judge anyone here or like speak negatively about anyone or anything here. It's just that like I realized that it's possible I wasn't entirely thinking for myself. Um, because like, let me put it this way, I could really sink into this. I grew up in Traverse City, Michigan. It's Northern Michigan. It's a conservative town. I went to Catholic school K through 12. Then I went to an Ultraliberal large university where I met people from around the country, around the world. Lots of international students. Um, Ann Arbor is probably like one of the most, if not the most liberal cities in Michigan. So I went from like one extreme to another. So that was jarring because you've got everyone around you and with one point of view and then everyone around you and another point of view. And then I moved to San Francisco and I met a lot of people there. I got influenced to like big tech, the money flowing around out there, the jobs, um. Living in a nice city, doing lots of fun things, living with roommates and developing relationships with girls who are from completely different backgrounds to myself. And like all of these experiences, like I'm truly so grateful for like, they're so eye-opening. Um, but then I moved back home recently and I. I just realized like how much I had grown as a person since I last lived there. When I was like 18. I was like in high school is when I left, and how if I had stayed at home like that growth, like wouldn't have happened. And then I started thinking about like. What all those experiences I had in life, like did for me and how they drove me to evolve in different ways. And then I started thinking about like, if the place you are in and the people you're around have that much of a, of an effect despite whatever you think is going on or despite you not wanting it to be that way, like how can I arrange my life in the future too? Support what I want and support my dreams in the areas in which I wanna evolve and grow. And it just opened up this whole question of like, what do I want life to look like? And without a nine to five and without living in a fun city where there were things going on every single weekend and people always around me and things to do, like I had the time and the space to like sit back and like think about these questions. And I just would not have gotten that had I not done this. Frankly, and I'm not suggesting this in any way. I am not saying that you should fall in my footsteps at all if that isn't clear enough. Um, but I'm just sharing like what happened to me and how I look back on it now, and how valuable it was in retrospect. Even though, like while I was in that period that, like seven months of living at home, it was extremely uncomfortable. It was extremely uncomfortable. Which brings me to my next um, point, which is the comparison was just deafening in my ears. There's, uh, since I was close to Chicago, I went there a couple times and I stayed there a month. Over the course of last year, and I like reconnected with a bunch of people from high school and obviously social media is gonna be like showing you people's lives, but, um, in particular like being privy to these people from high school and their lives, um, how they just had their life like set up in Chicago and how they were like advancing in their roles and like. You know, meanwhile, I felt like I had taken a thousand steps back by like moving back home. Like while, while on one level I knew that I was like pursuing a dream of mine and probably growing in some way. I also felt like I was failing because I wasn't making money and I didn't know what was next and I didn't know. What was on the other side of this, and I was just grappling, just grappling constantly with the discomfort of all of it while, um, being exposed to people who are seemingly, who knows, you know, what people are really feeling, but seemingly so stable and like, set up and comfortable. And that's a big question, right? Like the comfort versus the, versus the discomfort. Um. I've always been a little uncomfortable when I get too comfortable, and that has been like a blessing and a curse like that has pushed me out of environments where I'm not growing anymore. But also sometimes, like it's really, it's really hard for me to balance, like not to complain, um, but it, it causes me, you know, there's an internal struggle there when. I don't know how to tamper down the, the appetite for growth and it leaves me feeling like exhausted and overwhelmed. Um, and last year is a big example of that, which again, is why I would never suggest what I did. Is a good idea or like, yeah, which I'll get more into that in an upcoming episode, um, where I talk a little bit about a business. I was able to, um, really observe closely here in San Diego, but that's for another episode. Um, so yeah, the, the isolation as well was. Painful because it was so black and white compared to the last three years where I had just been go, go, go. And I remember when I first moved to San Francisco with, um, I lived with another girl from Michigan, love her. And I remember us having a conversation about how we were so overwhelmed at like, the weather was always nice in San Francisco and in Michigan, you know, you have that like hibernation in the winter where you can't like get out a lot. And you naturally have that time for like more rest. But then when you live somewhere like, I guess California, like, like one of these big cities, like there's always stuff to do. So like you don't really get that same rest. It's a big adjustment. And by the time that I left San Francisco for home, um, I was fully used to like go, go, go. Then to go right back into like doing very little was like quite jarring and it was like soothing at first. But then after a while, you know, there's like that, like restlessness and that like, I don't know that like, am I doing enough? And because I was going through so many changes, like internally, I also tended to retreat inward and not, you know, I didn't have a lot of energy to maintain a lot of my relationships that were now long distance relationships because I was so busy, like dealing with my own like inner. Situation. And so it was very isolating. Um, but some of the things that really helped me throughout this time was, um, actually just like journaling was huge. Journaling became like so, so valuable to me. Um. I have a lot of thoughts like swirling in my head like then and now journaling helps me like have an outlet for that. And what I really came to appreciate, appreciate about journaling was that it was all for me, it was all private and a lot of what I had been doing was constant output, constant putting out content for people to see, for people to perceive and then comment on or interact with. And it was all just like four. Something other than myself and journaling allowed me like the space to like just show up however I wanted to. It was like I had this freedom to just like be so incredibly transparent with like myself, and that kind of went into like self-observation, which allowed me to see a lot of, a lot of the things I was doing. That maybe weren't helping or weren't feeling good for me. I became much more like intuitive throughout this season of life. Um, before I seemed to kind of stomp all over intuition, um, because I, I don't know, I just, I didn't really see the value in it, but that has changed since. Um. And then another resource that helped me actually is, um, this podcast called Founders by David sra. And he's been doing it for over five years at this point. And basically he reads the biographies of famous founders, um, most of which have like potentially passed away. It's like from the past. He's doing a lot more like modern ones these days though, from what I can tell. But like Jeff Bezos and stuff. But, um, he's, he basically studies'em and he's a big proponent of like, reading and he just like distills like the lessons of these people and their lives into podcast episodes that you can digest really easily. And throughout, through listening to a lot of those, it really helped me like become clear on. Um, you know, what a successful path might look like and like the sacrifices it might require and like what it looks like to actually create something like really, really great, which is I think like what I want more than anything. Um, at least when I'm talking about like. Business goals or like work life goals. So those are some things that helped me. Um, I realized what is important to me is more so learning, developing skills, creating something truly valuable that aligns with like what I'm interested in. So. Basically the importance of just finding out what's important to me, what I like to do, like that's important. Um, I want to, I wanna be able to collaborate with people. I don't wanna do it all alone. I don't wanna work in complete isolation. So that's important to me. Um, and I, I realized, um. That I wanna live somewhere where I am just like, happy and I have the time and space to focus on, you know, like my health and fitness and relationships and work, whatever that is. I just want the space to do that. And I'm, I'm less interested in a life that looks really good or whatever. It just, it just really needs to feel good. Um. I felt like that was kind of like a trap I was in, in San Francisco, where I was just like, I needed everything to look really good. Um, but it was feeling like really hard and really painful sometimes, really overwhelming a lot of things. Didn't, didn't feel like they aligned. I just like, there was a lot of overwhelm and resulting anxiety so. I realize that's what's important to me. And then I moved across country obviously, so I'm gonna need to wrap this up soon 'cause like, dear God. I moved across the country because I wanted to live in San Diego. And boy was that a journey. Moving across the country is one thing if you're financially prepared for it, I was not. So that added a whole other layer of what exactly am I doing? And you'll hear people say things like, you know, take that leap, push yourself and find a way to make it work. Let me just say, yes, that can be valuable, but it can also be like grading on your nervous system. So. I'm just gonna add in like a general disclaimer here to take everything you hear on the internet and on social media with an extreme grain of salt and pay attention to its effect on you. Even while you may watch something and be like, yeah, I'm not, that's not really affecting me. Like when you hear something enough times, like it starts to like affect your subconscious, I swear. And, um. Yeah, these things are not to be taken lightly. Like the things that I did were extreme and I am not going to add to, uh, glorifying those decisions in any way. Like I absolutely will not be doing that. Um, it's important for me to me to share here the reality of how those things felt, because dear me is all I have to say on that. Um, however, I did move and. It was an experience. It truly was an experience, and I'm so grateful for surviving it, but also the lessons that I learned. In those first couple months here in San Diego. Um, I, for perspective, like I was struggling, like I was without a job in an expensive city, um, insecure about everything basically. Um, which is natural, I think. Given everything that I went through, like I ripped out everything I knew and believed in to make room for new beliefs, new habits, and I wasn't, you know, I wasn't settled yet, so I was just in this state of like unknown what was gonna happen. All the while. I had to dedicate, I had to drop one endeavor, which was my own business. Or trying to make a business, and I had to shift gears and start looking for a job, and I had to devote all my focus to that. I had to figure that out and. I tried to use that as an opportunity to find the positive and the gratitude in my life while I was going through a challenging time. And so what was super important here was perspective shifts. Um, for example, in September of 2023, I was. You know, making great money, lived in a beautiful apartment, had freedom to, if I needed to book a flight, if I needed to buy an outfit, needed, you know, in quotes if I needed to like go. I don't know, spend some money. I could, I had no restrictions there. I had complete control over my life, my environment. Um, not necessarily my time, but I was, you know, I was growing my podcast. I was interviewing more people, I was gaining momentum there. Um. My life was just like, so, like multifaceted and like busy. And I'm not gonna say it was like all bad things.'cause like it, there were lots of beautiful things. You know, I had great relationships at that point. Like I had, I had invested a lot in, in building that life in San Francisco and I started living alone and I started my podcast and all the things. And then a year later I was back in California. With no money, no job, no security, no energy to continue the podcast, to the point where I literally considered dropping it forever because I was so burnt out. Um, no energy to work on a new business. Felt like I was starting at square one with looking for a coding job because it was apparently challenging time for that. Um. Which with all this, like doomsday vibes about ai, which I can get into later, but don't really need to contribute to that anymore. Um, and instead of living alone in a beautiful apartment, I was living with a roommate. And, um, you know, I had to, I had to make the best of it. I had to. I had to find gratitude and perspective, and I had to, you know, I had to think about like, if, if I had been defining success off of that version of my life a year ago, then by all means this, this new life I was coming into was a complete failure. And thinking that I was a failure just simply wasn't gonna cut it when I had to find a way to literally survive. To be able to stay in San Diego, and if it sounds dramatic, that's fine, because it felt dramatic at the time. It felt like I was like rewiring my brain in the moment out of necessity and, um, I'm so grateful for that time because I needed to check myself and my baseline about what I saw as a good life. A good life doesn't have to look so stunning. And so like, you know, engaging and full of all these different things. And I'm not saying that that's bad either. I'm just saying like a good life is a good life by your definition and no one else is. And it's really important to remember that. Um, yeah. So that was moving across the country. And then we got into recruiting and we, we did a whole thing where we started posting on LinkedIn and we started learning new coding languages and applying like insane, like over like seven to 800 applications. Um. Before I finally got a job and all these interviews and all these, you know, highs and lows, and it just was harder than the past couple times I had looked for a job and I had to really put more effort into it. Um, and I, I've shared a lot about that on LinkedIn, if anyone's ever interested. Um, yeah, and I ended up getting a job at Disney of all places, which has been incredible so far. Um, but moving on to, um, I've talked a little bit about how perspective shifts were really valuable in this chapter, but I'm gonna wrap this up, um, by talking about, uh, what a little bit about like what I'm looking to call in in the future and then why, why the podcast is, um, is gonna keep going. So when I'm looking to Collin, um, yeah, I'm really excited to keep living my life here. Um, it's been going well and. I don't really feel the need to say anymore on that 'cause I, I think it's just something I wanna keep to myself. Um, but it's going well. And as for the podcast. I just think. It's so valuable to me to learn more about what is possible in life. I think for me, why this podcast continues to align is because. It's like the podcast for generalists. Um, it's like we can be so much more than like one little thing, like one little skilled worker who's like, you know, super skilled in one area. Um, I live my life by this principle, which is just like. Do not tell me I cannot do that. Um, I will find a way to incorporate the things that are valuable to me or the things I'm curious about. And I really wanna know more from people who do that. And I really wanna know more from people who are. Pushing boundaries and growing as people and embracing their authenticity and the unique value that they are just by being themselves and learning about themselves, who are creating things, who are creating value. Who are touching people's lives. And like, it's just, there's so many different examples of what that looks like and like, that's cool to me. I like that. And um, yeah, I just think like whoever you are, like. I don't know it, it can be beneficial to hear stories about people who are just breaking past mental, psychological barriers to build a vision that they have in their minds Anyway, that's it for today. Thanks so much for tuning in, and I'm looking forward to sharing more lessons for more people in the future. XOXO.