18. Ties That Bind: Exploring the Power of Midlife Friendship at a Personal Wellness Retreat

In this episode, I'm talking about the importance of female friendships, but also how it can be difficult to make new friends in midlife.

My secret weapon when it comes to forging strong friendships in midlife: personal wellness retreats. There is something incredible that happens when women with similar interests come together and spend time away from the daily grind to focus on themselves. Sure, the the relaxing, recharging and reflection make retreats time well spent. But the new friendships made and the bonds that are formed make them absolutely life-changing.

Join me October 12-15, 2023 for the BEST LIFE Reset Retreat in Sun Valley, Idaho!

WHAT’S INCLUDED:

• 4 days + 3 nights at the Limelight Hotel, the newest modern luxury hotel in Sun Valley
• 10+ hours of group coaching, focused on living your BEST LIFE and keeping that reset glow when you go back to “real life”
• Your choice 60-minute massage or facial at Zenergy, Sun Valley’s best spa + health club, or 9 holes of golf at the world renowned Sun Valley Resort
• Group hike with the best views of Bald Mountain
• Private yoga class
• Daily morning walks and runs
• Limelight’s famous breakfast each morning
• Gourmet lunches and dinners
• Celebration dinner out on the town on Saturday night
• Hand-picked SWAG bags that are positively swoon-worthy, packed with some of Laurie’s very favorite BEST LIFE goodies

To keep the retreat intimate and provide the most VIP experience, only 12 spots are available! And when they’re gone, they’re gone.

Click here to sign up for your own room.
Click here to sign up for a shared room.

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Transcript

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In today's episode, I'm talking about the importance of female relationships, particularly in midlife. But also how it can be difficult to make new friends in midlife. Which is why I want to talk with you about personal wellness retreats. And the goodness that happens when women with similar interests come together and spend time away from the daily grind to focus on themselves. The relaxing, recharging and reflection. Every treats make them time well spent. But the new friendships made the bonds that are formed and the magic that happens at a retreat make them absolutely. Life-changing. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, where I'll be sharing, inspiring stories, providing step-by-step actionable coaching and introducing you to some incredible women who are absolutely crushing it at the midlife game. And you'd better believe we'll also be having candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Hey there. Welcome back to the school of midlife podcast. In today's episode. I want to talk a little bit about what I love about going on retreats with women. before we get into that though, I think I probably needed to take a step back and say that. Admittedly, I wasn't always good at being a friend to other women. Let me explain what I mean by that. I was raised with the idea that. Women. Well at the time, girls. We're competition and they weren't to be trusted. And I was taught that if. Girls in my class, didn't like me. That they were just jealous of me that either I was too smart for them or too pretty for them. Or the boy that they liked, like me. I mean, it was a very skewed way to grow up, but that was, that's what I was taught when I was growing up. And because of that. I didn't have a lot of close girlfriends in school. I I had. One really close friend until about fourth grade. When I went to a new school. And then I. Ended up with three wonderful girlfriends that I am still in contact with today. And it's, you know, it's, there's something really special about those. Old. Relationships that the people that have known you from the beginning and. Even if you don't see them all the time, the ability to just get right back in stride with them and pick up like nothing has ever had. Like no time has passed between you. It's this really lovely. Relationship. And I am blessed to have three incredible women in my life that were there. From, you know, fifth grade on and they've, they've been there through a lot of. Hardships and we've experienced. Deaths of parents and divorces and marriages and divorces and you know, kids and. heartbreak, but also celebrated some incredible moments as well. So. Those kinds of relationships. Very very lucky to have a handful of those women that are still in my life. But I took that. That kind of competition. You know, women are competition. Women are. They're just jealous. I took that to college with me too. I was, I was in a sorority and While I was surrounded by incredible women and I had so much fun in college. I missed a huge opportunity as well. And that's because I spent most of my four years in college. Hanging out at my boyfriend's house. I was set up on a blind date, spring quarter of my freshman year. And I dated that guy all through college. And. he was in the fraternity. That was right across the street from my sorority house. So when he lived in, I. Was at his house pretty much. all day when I wasn't at school or at work, I'd get home. I'd have dinner and then I would go see him. And that's where I spent most of my time. It wasn't hanging out with. My sorority sisters. And I, you know, I certainly had some very dear friends that and sorority sisters. But I got to tell ya, I. Since I spent most of my college years hanging out at my boyfriend's house and because I didn't open myself up to them. I now get to watch from afar on Facebook or Instagram or other social media. This beautiful relationship that. I am missing out on, because I didn't give anything of myself to those women. I mean, there's, there's a core group of women in my. That were in my pledge class and they just have the most amazing friendships. And I'm I'm so. Thrilled for them that, you know, that. Those friendships that started in college are still. Beautifully blossoming and have matured. And. They're still just as close as they were when, when they were in school. And I'm not part of that, but I don't deserve to be part of it because I wasn't part of it then. What I will say. And, and I know that I'll get to the, the. The retreat part here in a minute, but. I have been. Lucky enough to. Figure things out that women are my competition. Women. Aren't jealous of me. We're all doing the best that we can. Which means we do better collectively. When women join arms and support one another. When we cheer for each other, when we help each other up. And if somebody in, you know, when I was practicing law, if another woman received a promotion, Or at the recently. at the brokerage house. 1, 2, 3, I think four women were named partners in the brokerage. I was one of the first people to send them a note, congratulating them because when they win, we all win. it's Women supporting women. It's, it's not a pie, right. Just because one of them is successful. Doesn't. Take anything away for my piece of the pie. I can be successful too. And conversely, when I'm successful, that doesn't mean that they're not successful. I'm one of those people that it may have taken me a long time to learn. How important female relationships are. But now. I will go to bat for you. I mean, if you need somebody in your corner, Who. We'll be supportive and. Be there when you need somebody. Give me a call. Because it took me a long time to figure out the importance of girlfriends. And I really try my best to. Show up in a way that is authentic and proves to the women in my life that, that I do have their back. I will say. For gosh, as long as I can remember, um, as an adult, I have made time to go away with my girlfriends. On girls' weekends. Women women weekends, right? But there's. There's something about. Leaving town and going somewhere else with your friends that just cements some special bonds. There is a group that I traveled to Italy with in February of 2020. So think about that. I mean, we were going to Italy. February of 2020, we were there really just before the world shut down with COVID. In fact, I ended up leaving that trip a little early. Um, I was sick. I don't know if I had COVID because that was long before. Anybody in the U S had COVID. But. Anyway. we were in the boot of Italy, we went to Sicily. Then we spent a lot of time in the car. we were on a number of flights, but I'll tell you the thing that really stands out for that trip. Is how we handled. The travel delays together. We flew to Italy the day after the Superbowl. And I remember being at a Superbowl party and getting. A text from United that said that there was a snow. Storm advisory. In Denver for the next day. And we were scheduled to fly from Boise to Denver, Denver to Washington DC. Washington DC too. Um, either Rome or Bari. our final destination was Bari, Italy. So we knew we had a pretty long travel day ahead of us, but we splurge for the seats that were not first class, but just under first class. So we knew that we would have excellent service the whole way. Uh, but we get this, this text that says there's a snow advisory. In Denver, just at the same time that we are supposed to have our layover. But at that point, I mean, how are we going to completely reschedule our entire trip? So we get on board. In Boise. We leave at, I don't know, about 6:00 AM. We get to Denver. Everything is fine. And then. All of the sudden this huge snow storm. Roles in during our layover. And it wasn't a very long layover. But we sat on the tarmac for two hours in Denver to be deiced. So we missed our connection in Dulles and. Because. We landed in Dole set about five. Most of the international flights had already left for the night. We were, we were lucky enough to befriend An agent at. United that I think took a little pity on. Speak. Yes. He could tell that it had been a lot. We'd already been traveling for quite awhile that day. So he rerouted us, which meant. Six hours after we arrived in Dallas, then we flew to Frankfurt. Then we flew to Milan. Then we finally made it to Bari at about 6:00 PM the next day. So. 36 hours as the clock goes the next day. I mean, that doesn't include the time change, but suffice it to say it was a very, very long travel day. But the way that we were able to. Navigate that together. And have fun while we were having cocktails at dinner. And making silly dances in the airport. it was the perfect kickoff for a great trip. And those are some memories that I will always treasure. There, there was another trip that I took with, um, some good girlfriends. To Las Vegas and. I swear. Aye. We had been drinking cocktails by the pool all day long. but not nothing out of hand. We're hanging out. At the pool or meeting lots of great people. The, the music is fantastic. Just having a great day. Until I swear I was roofied. at the pool. I had left my drink on the pool deck. And then notice that there was this little girl she must have been. I don't know, two or three. And her mom. Was at a conference. And her dad was in the pool with her. But she was crying so hard. She wanted her mother. And so my, one of my friends and I, we went over and we were talking to the dad and the little girl, and it was really kind of soothing her that we were there and, you know, playing with her a little bit and she quit crying We were probably away from our drinks. I don't know. 15 or 20 minutes. But before we went over. And we're talking with this little girl and her dad. There was this totally creepy guy that came up next to us, older, trying to get between the two of us. It was just, it was a very odd situation. And. When we got back, he was still kind of lingering around, but he'd gotten out of the pool and was over sitting in a chase lounge. But our drinks are still there. And. All of a sudden, you know, it's, it's four 30 They're closing the pool because they're having a wedding there and they needed to start getting set up for the wedding. And. Thank you for sticking with me. This is, this is getting to be a very long story, but anyway, um, four 30 comes around and we get out of the pool. And It was like, I went from being. Fine. Two. Just stumbling my way back to the room. I mean, it was like I was dizzy. I couldn't see straight. I had paid for the drinks with my credit card. I couldn't find my credit card. I knew that it was hard to get from the pool back to the room. where I laid down on the bed and I slept for several hours. And the reason I think I was roofing is because when I woke up at seven or eight o'clock at night, right before we went to dinner, I felt fine. I mean, I was a little groggy, like you kind of do when you take a really deep nap and you wake up in the middle, you know, after having a deep nap. But I didn't have a hangover. I, and I literally went from being fine at the pool to just being completely out of it. I will always remember that about that trip. There was another trip that I took, uh, gosh, probably about 10 years ago now. Went to Cabo with some girlfriends and a friend of mine who had been married. I don't know, almost 30 years. Had never taken a trip without her family or husband before that. And I remember, I know that we all had this fantastic trip. But it just underscored to me. I couldn't imagine going 30 years. Without taking a trip with girlfriends. Because. Sure. I, you know, all you remember travel delays and I remember boat trips, and I remember maybe getting roofied at the pool. But there's something about going away with women. And these deep conversations that. Bubble up about life and marriage and careers and aspirations that. You just don't have the time to get into. When you just go out for a girls night for, for wine or when you. Just go out to dinner. Or maybe even. You go skiing with families for the weekend. There's something deeper. It's it's more. Incredible. It's more. Soul filling up. I know that that's not a word, that's not a phrase, but. if you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about, you can spend A couple of days with your girlfriends. And it's like your entire. Soul is replenished. What I've come to realize though, is. Making good. Female friendships in midlife. It's harder than it used to be. Right. Because we used to have these built in ways where we would meet people. And that's particularly true in school where you are just, you, you see the same people every single day and you're around them every single day. But then you grow up and maybe those people moved to different towns or they get married at different times. So you've got the women that are single and then. The ones that are coupled up. And so then the single ones get a little left behind. And then the married ones start having kids. And so they're sort of this splintering of those. Relationships that maybe you have always grown up with or expected to be around. But when you get. A little bit older It's just harder to. Find those ways. To meet people and foster genuine relationships with them. I mean. Sometimes you can. Find a woman at. Your kids are in school or activities together, or maybe you keep taking the same classes at the gym, or you play tennis on the same tennis team. But. by and large, it's just harder to, to develop those genuine relationships. Which is why. I love going on retreats. See, I told you I would get back there. And I thank you for staying with me for as long as it took me to get here. But. There is something that is purely. Magical. About a retreat. Something about putting women together with similar interests. Whether it's, I don't know, a yoga retreat or a running retreat or a creative writing retreat, but you, you bring. Women of all different. Ages and classes and. From all different geographies together with similar interests. And it is amazing how incredibly deep relationships can be formed in just a couple of days. Which is why I knew that. Retreats would always be a part of the school of mid-life. And. If you've been around here. For a little while, you know that my mission with the school of mid-life is to give women the tools to make midlife their best life. And I also know how cheesy that sounds. I mean, it sounds exactly like you would see it scrawled on a piece of wood at hobby lobby. But it really is the mission. I can't figure out a different way to say it any better or more succinctly. But it really is. How to make midlife your best life. Because I don't want other women to face the same dilemma that I did. Which is I had done everything that I was supposed to do. I was successful by every societal measure. And I got to midlife and realized. I've worked my ass off for this. What. I I've been doing everything everyone ever told me I was supposed to do. I've been putting off and delaying the self-satisfaction. To work my way up the corporate ladder to make everything comfortable for those around me, with the idea that there would be this big payoff in midlife. And when there wasn't. I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I was, I was one of those people that thought, okay, I must be having a midlife crisis. And because I don't want other women to face that same dilemma. I created the school of midlife so that women had the tools to make midlife their best life. And because I understand the importance of female relationships. Like I said, I always knew that retreats would be a part of the school of midlife. Last year. I hosted the first BEST LIFE Reset Retreat in Sun Valley. And I got to say it was great. For a first run. there were women who. attended the retreat and defined it as life-changing, which I think is pretty high praise. They, they spent time thinking about the life that they wanted to live. Making themselves a priority before they ran out of time. It was a great retreat. I will say it also felt short of my expectations. And, and that certainly is one of my toxic traits, which is immediately figuring out what didn't go as planned instead of figuring out or, you know, celebrating what went well. And, and don't get me wrong. There was a lot to celebrate. But. I left the retreat and drove home two and a half hours from sun valley to Boise. And all I could think about was how can I make this better for next year? And one of the things that really stood out for me that didn't go as. As I had planned or how I wanted it to go is. I made it clear in the beginning that. Sharing was optional. Because I didn't want anyone to feel compelled. To share some of this personal, some of these personal exercises that we were going through. But what that meant was there was very little sharing. When there's little sharing and you feel like you were working on exercises. On your own kind of in a silo. You don't. Walk away with the same experience that, that same. Deep friendship connection experience. That is so beautiful with the retreat. And I 100%. Figured out why that didn't happen. And the bottom line is. In order to feel comfortable enough to share. You have to build trust among the participants. And. We, we all arrived in sun valley at different times. The retreat started on a Thursday night. There were two women that made it there in time for the 6:00 PM. Start time. Another came in just before midnight on Thursday. A couple of them came in on Friday morning. Uh, another one came in a little later on Friday morning, and then even another woman showed up around three o'clock on Friday. So it's really hard to build. Trust. When you're all coming at different times and. You're kind of missing out on the, getting to know you piece. So that was that's one thing, definitely that. I wanted to retool. Coming into this year. The other piece that I felt like was a big miss for last year is I wanted everyone to leave with the roadmap of what their best life will look like to keep them on track, creating that life. Even. After they left the retreat. And while the exercises did create that map. We ran out of time, too. Really hit that home. Um, so. It was about a half. Map. I guess. Um, but that did not end the way that I wanted to. Um, because we just ran out of time for the retreat. So I am thrilled to say that we are heading back to sun valley, October 12th, through the 15th this year for the best life reset retreat. And I'm also thrilled to say that. If last year's retreat was life-changing. This year's retreat. Is going to be life-changing on steroids. Because it has been completely retooled. Over the four days that we will be together in sun valley, I'm going to walk the women through step-by-step my, the exact framework that I use with my one-on-one coaching clients. That. We used to figure out what they want. And how they define success and what their best life looks like. And because I know I. I know how important it is to leave with a tactical plan to make that best life a reality. You better believe that there will be time in the schedule to get that done this year. So that way. When. You leave and go home and everything goes to hell and you're back in the grind. As soon as you get back home. You're armed with the tools to stay the course, to keep focusing on yourself, that and making that. Best life that you have envisioned making that a reality. So what does the 2023. Best life reset, retreat. Look like. For starters, they're going to be more than 10 hours of group coaching this year. There were about seven and a half last year. Um, so. Uh, almost three hours more, at least of group coaching. There might be a couple of ad-ons there, but we're going to start with at least 10 hours of group coaching. And during that time, You would be focused on figuring out exactly what you want in life. How you define success? And you will be given the tools and actually create a roadmap. To create the life that not only makes you happy. But also makes you personally. Fulfilled. And. You'll create that roadmap. So that you're not thrown off by life. On a random Tuesday. So you'll, you'll leave the retreat. Ready to make big changes in your life. And, and there will be lots of excitement. And lots of momentum and just like every other retreat that you leave. You'll be able to start strong, right. Because you've, you've got that excitement and that momentum. And you'll, you'll be keeping the promises you made to yourself while you were away at the retreat. But you'll also have the roadmap. So that you can continue to keep those promises you made to yourself. On the day you wake up late for work. And then you cut your leg shaving in the shower and it won't stop bleeding, which means you're late leaving the house. And then you get stuck in traffic. And you finally make it to the office just before that important meeting that you had planned to get there an hour beforehand to prep for, but your client's already there. You're late to the office. You have to walk directly into the meeting. And then later that day, you get a call from your son who forgot his lacrosse uniform and he needs it for today's game. And to top it all off, you get a call from your husband an hour before you're leaving to. Head to your mother-in-law's birthday party and he forgot to get pick up. A birthday gift for her. So guess what you need to do on your way to the birthday party. Those are the kinds of days that derail you. Those are the kind of days that slap you upside the head when you least expect them. And all of a sudden, all of that excitement and that momentum and those things that you had wanted to do when you were at a retreat in sun valley. All of that falls away. And suddenly you find yourself and you're back focusing on everyone and everything else around you. And those promises that you made to yourself in sun valley. Well, those just went by the wayside. But that's why. you will leave. Armed with your roadmap. So when life throws you that curve ball on a random Tuesday. You can stay the course you can get right back on because you know what it is. That you're working for. You understand what the life you want to lead looks like. That's also exactly why. You need to go away by yourself to really figure out what it is you want to do with your life, who you want to be when you grow up. And. For the. First time maybe ever. Figure out. how you're actually going to fill that void in your life. You know, the one that I'm talking about, the one that's there, but you keep trying to avoid it. The one that keeps you asking. Why can't I just be happy with everything that I have. I mean. I have everything that I always thought I ever wanted. And it's not enough. It's that feeling that you are made for more? But I'll tell you this. You can't figure out how you want to live your life by attending a 60 minute webinar. You can't or reading another book? Or spending five minutes a day. Following journal prompts. Don't get me wrong. Those are all great, great tools. But they're not enough. You need some devoted time to yourself. Time to focus on you. Which is a way from the daily grind and the constant ding of text messages and the never ending. I'm a hungry. I mean. Didn't I just feed you a kind of situation. Why are you still hungry? So, instead of thinking that going away to a retreat that is focused on you is. I don't know self-indulgent or. Selfish or whatever word you want to use to say that it's, it's not as important as the other obligations that, that you have. Your schedule is too busy to take time for yourself. I'm telling you that's exactly why a retreat. Is absolutely necessary. I mean, it's just like when you're on the airplane. And did they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first? Right? Because in an emergency, you can't attend to. The other passengers around you. If you can't breathe, if you have passed out. And the same rings. True for. What, what good are you to the people in your life who depend on you? If, if you don't give yourself the time. And space to recharge. You just, you. It's you can't pour from an empty cup. You need to be kind to yourself and focus on yourself. And give yourself some focused time away from all of the noise. I am super excited that in addition to adding more coaching time for this year, Instead of just jumping right into that coaching. There is plenty of time in the schedule to get to know each other. So that we can build that trust. Part of the way we're doing that is everyone will arrive on the same day. There won't be any late comers. I mean, if your flight is delayed fine. I get that, but it's not one of those things that the retreats going to start at 6:00 PM on a Thursday. And if you can't make it for 24 hours, The discom to the next retreat, but we need you there in the beginning so that when. We are all trying to get to know each other you're going to be there too. So that we can build that trust. The retreat this year, I promise we'll be front-loaded with activities to get to know each other, but not the, not, you know, not cheesy ones. And, and don't worry, we're not going to do when he ropes courses or, um, What are those falls? Where the you, the trust falls, we're not going to do those. We're not going to walk on fire embers. Um, Get to know you exercises that, that aren't cheesy and I'm super excited about them, but I don't want to ruin the surprise here. And. I can tell you that because that safe space will be established early. You'll not only leave. With knowing yourself better. Knowing exactly what you want, knowing exactly how you define success. And with that roadmap that you've created to creating your best life. But you're also going to leave with some incredible friends who will absolutely have your back. Even when you're returning home. And don't worry. We're not going to start a Facebook. Group, unless people want that. But for the most part, I don't think anybody else wants another Facebook group. But you will be amazed at. How many times your going to. Have something that you want to celebrate with that group, and you're just going to type it into the group text and that. Validation and that acceptance and that excitement is it will continue in that group long after you leave sun valley in October. Why, why do you need to go away? Well, because you owe it to yourself to focus on yourself. Without. The distractions. Right. No meetings to go to. No one asking what's for dinner tonight. Think about. Uh, hotel room all to yourself, or even. If you share a hotel room, think about a bed all to yourself with no one hogging the sheets or snoring. What is staying the same about this year's retreat. We're still going to the spa. We're still going to remind you that self-care is absolutely necessary and not an indulgence. There will still be the daily walks and hikes and breath work to underscore the importance. Of incorporating daily movement and meditation practices in your life. There will still be the same luxury accommodations. At sun valleys. Award-winning newest luxury, modern hotel. Incredible gourmet meals. Premium drinks. I'm telling you the best gift bag you have ever seen, not another oversized t-shirt that you'll want to wear to sleep in or. A baseball hat that is made for a man that cannot fit on a woman's head. That literally. The best gift bag you have ever seen. If, if you saw any of the pictures from last year, you know, there it's, it's incredible. I hope you check out the signup links in the show notes. There is one for is single room. King-size bed. Or. A shared room with two queen beds in it. And you can either. In a shared room, come by yourself and be paired up with someone who will be a new friend. Or come with a friend. And experience this life changing retreat together. But I will say whether you come by yourself or with a friend. You are going to leave with incredible friends. Incredible connections. And this will be. The best weekend you have had in a very long time. I absolutely guarantee it. And I hope. You will join me in sun valley in October. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the School of Midlife podcast. I'd love it if you would take a moment and leave me a five star review so that we can spread the word to other mid-life women. Then join my mailing list. The link is in the show notes. And if you're ready to make midlife your best life, you can also find out more about how to work with me in the show notes. I'll see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session.