29. Breaking Free: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs in Midlife

In this week’s episode of the School of Midlife podcast, we’re talking about limiting beliefs and how to rewrite them. Many of us carry beliefs from childhood that end up holding us back later in life. I’ll explain what limiting beliefs are, where they come from, and common ones that midlife women face.

Then we’ll dive into strategies for identifying your limiting beliefs, challenging them, reframing your self-talk, and visualizing a new empowering story about yourself.

Overcoming limiting beliefs takes patience and practice, but it allows you to move forward unencumbered by old stories about yourself that are no longer true. I can’t wait to inspire you to break free of self-doubt and limiting beliefs so you can create the life you want in midlife!

📩 Email Laurie: What is the biggest limiting belief you struggle with? Which tips or strategies in this episode will you use to over come the limiting belief?

Links + Mentions:
28. Redefining Success: What Does It Mean to You?

21. Beyond Comparison: 2 Questions Every Midlife Woman Needs to Answer for Herself

11. What Do You Want? How to Go from Profoundly Unfulfilled to Living Your Best Life

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Transcript

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limiting beliefs. Can make us feel like our. Talents and abilities are fixed. When in reality, we have so much more room to grow. If we are able to let go of the old ways of thinking about ourselves, The first step is always bringing awareness to the limiting beliefs that you hold so that you can begin rewriting those stories and reframing the self-talk. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, where I'll be sharing, inspiring stories, providing step-by-step actionable coaching and introducing you to some incredible women who are absolutely crushing it at the midlife game. And you'd better believe we'll also be having candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Well, Hey there, friends. Welcome back to this episode of the school of mid-life podcast. Today, I'm talking about limiting beliefs and how even high achieving women. Can be held back by them. Whether they are beliefs or. Thoughts that arise in midlife or whether we've always had them. And they just are kind of running in the background on this subconscious feedback loop. That's. Telling our brain messages that. Probably aren't even true, but that feedback loop has been running so long. We just take it as truth. for some reason, This is something that's been coming up with my coaching clients a lot lately, whether they happen to be staring down a big life change, you know? Should they make the leap? Should they start over or should they stay and tough it out? Are they even cut out for this change that they're thinking about? It can also, maybe not even be a big life change, but more like a plateau in their life where they start thinking, you know, I'll never make as much money as I want to, or they want to train and run their first marathon, but they just don't see themselves as an athlete. Or whether they want to do something different in their life, but. They just feel like they never finished anything. They start. Their words, not mine. to level set here, let's start by talking about what a limiting belief is. It's. There are thoughts that the can certainly be tough to explain. Um, there's certainly something. That we like, you know it, when you see it or you hear it. But. basically eliminating belief is a thought or perception about yourself. That holds you back from reaching your full potential. So they are self sabotaging beliefs. They can be self talk that come across as absolute statements like I'm lazy. I'm not smart. I'll never be thin. Or they can be worded like something that you want, but you can't have because of the limiting belief, like. I want to retire at 55, but I have to work until 65. And, and what the limiting belief there is is it's something related to I'm able bodied. I learned early on that you work until the age of retirement. Might be followed up with like a Lusher, lazy sob whom witches off the government mean can't you just hear her, your. Your dad or your uncle or your grandpa is saying that right? I mean, kids these days, they just want a free ride. Their beliefs that we hold. And most often are rooted in childhood experiences. So that's, you know, that's our data uncle or a grandpa talking to us. They're rooted in childhood experience. They're reinforced over time. And they can be triggered as we enter into different phases of our lives. So even limiting beliefs that we have had since we were very young, They might not. Expose themselves, or even bubble up to the surface until say midlife. When we are looking at doing something different. So, so for instance, let's say that. You are really interested in learning how to paint with water colors. Okay. You've been reading a lot about how creative pursuits help. Help manage stress. And you think, you know what? I've always loved watercolors. I think I'm going to take apart color painting. But in the back of your mind, you remember that you were told as a child. You're not very artistic. So. Interestingly. You may still carry that limiting belief with you into adulthood. Which can then prevent you from tapping into. Your creativity or trying new things like water color painting in midlife. Which could also hold you back from say, your friends want to get together. Um, they're going to, they're going to go do a paint and sip night. Where you drink a little wine and you do a little painting. You might decide not to go because you don't want to be judged or you don't want to look foolish because in the back of your mind, You've been told. And now you believe that you're not very artistic. Or. I have a friend who wanted to learn how to watercolor paint, so she could. Paint the sunsets over the ocean, outside of her living room window, maybe she doesn't want to try that because it feels like a waste of time. Right? Because she has, she's been told you're not very artistic. And so in both of those, if you are. Programmed as a child that you're not very artistic when it comes to midlife and say, your friends want to go. I have a paint and sip night. Or like my friend who wants to paint sunsets over the ocean. it feels like this foregone conclusion that. The, she must not be. Very artistic because. I mean, why would her parents have told her that right. The, your parents are the ones who are supposed to love you the most. So why would they tell you something or say something if it wasn't true. So if, if that is the script or the. The tape that's playing in the back of her mind that you're not very artistic. It almost feels like a waste of time. To try something new because you just know how it's going to end. Right. You're not very artistic. Obviously, this is, I mean, it's a foregone conclusion. Why, why would you even start that? limiting beliefs. Can make us feel like our. Talents and abilities are fixed. When in reality, we have so much more room to grow. If we are able to let go of the old ways of thinking about ourselves, The first step is always bringing awareness to the limiting beliefs that you hold so that you can begin rewriting those stories and reframing the self-talk. In preparing for today's episode, I actually Googled the 10, most common limiting beliefs and some examples. So as I, as I ticked down through them, just see if any of these sound familiar to you. Number one. I'm not good enough. That could show up as"I'll never be as talented as her." Or"I don't deserve that job." Number two. I'm too old. That might sound like"it's too late for me to start a new career now." Number three, I don't have enough time or money. That may show up. Like I could never start a business working this job. Number four. I'm not worthy of love. Uh, this one's hard, right? Um, That might look like no one would want to date someone like me. So if you're in midlife and you are single, it could look like no one would want to date someone like me because I'm not worthy of love. Number five. I'm not smart enough. Do you ever find yourself telling yourself? I can't understand technology or my mind just doesn't work that way. Number six. I can't do it. I could never run a marathon. That's just impossible for me. I'm not an athlete. I can't do it. Number seven. I shouldn't take risks. That shows up. Like it's a lot safer if I just stay in my comfort zone or it's a lot safer if I don't put myself out there, it's a lot safer if I don't try something new. Because what that limiting belief is, I shouldn't take risks. Number eight. I'll never accomplish my dreams. That shows up. Like most people don't become famous actors or writers. So why should I even try. Because I'll never accomplish my dreams. Number nine. I don't deserve the success or happiness. this one really hits me in a soft spot. I mean, I think we are all worthy. I mean, obviously the one above about, um, not being worthy of love, but. We are worth and worthy of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. So, if you ever find yourself like. With my background or my education, I shouldn't aim so high that. I haven't put the time or the. The effort into have this success or this happiness. Then you may be looking at a limiting belief that is, I don't deserve this success or this happiness. And the 10th, most popular limiting belief is. I always have to please others. Which may sound like. If I do what I want, others will disapprove of me. Some of, you may recognize these limiting beliefs as self-talk. As, as negative self-talk. And certainly they are, because most of our limiting beliefs, we don't actually say out loud, right. Their beliefs they're things that we think they live in our head. And while it is negative self-talk. It. Limiting beliefs are oftentimes also. Evidence of a fixed mindset. Right because their limiting beliefs, they are not growth mindset, expansive beliefs. I can do anything, but they are actually limiting our. Thoughts, our abilities, our actions, they are keeping us stuck in a certain spot. The key is. Tuning in to these automatic self-limiting thoughts that are running on. Repeat. And consciously. Reshaping them. Moving from that fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Actually rewiring your brain to change your thoughts. Interestingly, I was listening to. A doctor, a PhD doctor on a podcast, um, recently, and she was talking about how 25% of our brains are wired. At birth But here's the, here's the next thing that I just, I found fascinating. 25% of our brain is wired at birth. By age three, our brains are 75% wired. Think about that. So all of those things that happen to you between birth and three years old. Where your parents are always like up. She won't remember any of this. Well, even if you don't have an independent recollection of it, That is absorbed into your body. It is, it becomes kind of this subconscious understanding that we carry with us. what's so interesting is. A lot of our limiting beliefs. That we face in midlife. They're rooted in our childhood and we've been carrying them with us for so long. That we don't even know that they're there. We don't even know where they came from. we just experienced them and we take them as truth without ever questioning them. So they could look a little, something like. Our parents told us we weren't good in math. Like our older brother. And so the limiting belief that you carry with you is I'm not good at math. And to prove that. Maybe you don't study for the math test because I mean, you're not good at math. Anyway, what is studying, going to help? Which means then you're sabotaging yourself on test day. It's kind of like this self fulfilling prophecy, right? Because. The limiting belief is I'm bad at math, so I'm not going to study. I'm not going to take the time to study and learn. So I'm going to do poorly on test day. So really all I'm trying to do there is. Is. Actualizing this belief and proving it to be true, right. I mean, it could also be, if your parents say that. You're not good at math. Like your older brother, you could also start learning like I'm not smart enough to figure this out. So there are a couple of different ways that that could go be. But you get the idea, right? I mean, just some offhanded remark or comment that was made when we were young. We internalize that. And then we. With our actions and our thoughts. Actually make it a reality. I could also look like. Uh, maybe we're at the dinner table and we, we go in for seconds and we take this big scoop of mashed potatoes at dinner. And our parents question us. Us about, do you really want that such a big scoop of mashed potatoes? Because remember the waistband on your pants, it's getting a little too tight. So the limiting belief we learned there is we're fat. Or we should be ashamed of our bodies. Or we're constantly being judged by. How we look. So these are things that we are learning very early on. but here's the good news. Although 75% of our brain is wired by the age of three. It can be a rewired. That not, not overnight. I mean, you can't have a habit or a self talk. Tape. Running for four or five decades and expect to change it overnight. It certainly doesn't work that way. But we can start paying attention to. Our self doubts and our beliefs that limit us, particularly in midlife so that we can rewire our brain. And we can. Change. The way we think about ourselves in different situations. Although, you know, I Googled the top 10 limiting beliefs. Here are the top three that my clients as midlife women that they struggle with. Limiting belief. Number one. My achievements, define myself worth. Anybody relate to that one. Many high achieving women tie their self-worth to their achievements and accolades. It could be a big promotion at work. It could be getting your kids raised up and graduated from high school or college. It could be. Supporting your spouse through retirement, it could be helping your aging parents. It could be finally writing that book that you have always wanted to, and. Receiving a book award. Once you publish it. because. High-achieving women oftentimes tie their self-worth to achievement. That. Self-worth then takes a hit in midlife. Because. the big achievements and the accolades. They don't come as frequently. And they're not as big as they were when we were first starting out in our career. And then we would get these big promotions every so often. Because once we hit midlife, a lot of us are the very top of the food chain. Right. There's nowhere else up for us to go. We are, we are the managers. We are the business owners. it's hard to get promoted above that, that spot. So. if our self-worth is tied to what else we can accomplish. There just might not be much more to accomplish. And we've talked about this one before. It's it's this idea, you know, that we have been following the success playbook to a tee. Go to school, earn a degree, get a job. Get married. Have kids buy a house, check, check, check, check, check. We've done all the things that were expected of us. Which makes us whether we understand it or not. But more concerned with external validation. Right because we have this pattern of equating our achievements. With our self-worth. Which means we are always looking out side for approval and validation. Based on our accomplishments. But here's the thing, here's the problem with that is. It will never be enough for us. if our self worth. Is tied to the approval and the validation of others. And because we don't get the validation and approval that we so desperately seek and want and expect. Then we just keep moving the goal line because we feel like, well, if we don't feel like we thought we would feel right now after we did X, Y, and Z. Then we just need to try a little harder. We got to, we have to push that goal line out and we've got to try a, B and C. We're just going to start over and see what we can accomplish next. But instead of doing that Rather than seeking the external validation, we need to begin relying on intrinsic validation. Looking inward, figuring out what it is. We want, how we define success, figuring out what our best life looks like, and then get busy making that a reality. There are several episodes. That I have done previously on these topics. I will link them in the show notes below in case you haven't listened to them, but. The things about figuring out how you define success. In fact, last week's episode was about redefining success in midlife. But figuring out what you want, figuring out what your best life looks like. I will drop the clickable. Show notes. Nope. I'll drop the clip. Good. Clickable links to the prior episodes in the show notes. So that after you finish listening to this episode, You can just click on those N listen to the prior episodes. But the bottom line is There is a difference. When we look inside first. Because then that sets us up to search for answers that are meaningful to us. Right. That internal search versus. Giving our power away and looking for the approval of others, which is an external validation model, which many of us have tried over the years. And. You'll get to a point and you'll realize it's this is not working for me. I can't keep chasing. Validation and approval. Of others. I have to start looking inside. Second limiting belief that. Many of my clients. Struggle with. Or maybe not even struggle with resonate with. It's too late. To reinvent myself. a lot of us look at this as I'm too old to try something new. It's the, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can actually, um, any of, any of us who have had old dogs know that that's not true. But. It feels a lot like, gosh, I've invested so much time and energy and money into this. I have to stick it out. It's the same. Feeling of, you know, what I've, I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it. For many of us. We've spent. Decades. Decades. Focusing on career and family responsibilities. That many of us, many midlife women feel too old to reinvent ourselves to try something new or to try something different. But here's the good news. You can reinvent yourself and pursue new passions at any age. It's totally about mindset. So. Just like you can change your mind about what's important to you. You can also change your mind about what you like and what you don't like. How you spend your time. Who you want to be around? The trick here is. Again, Looking in side. To figure out what's important to you. And Tuning out our societies, ageist messaging, that that ship has sailed that we're too old. I mean. Trying things in midlife. It's almost as bold. Act of self care, right? Because we, we trust ourselves enough to know that. We need to do something different. And there is no time, like the present. That we are tired of kicking the can down the road and waiting until the moment when it is good. For everyone else. We finally get to midlife and think, you know, what. I'm going to start making decisions that align with who I am. The life I want to live and I'm going to start doing that right now. So it's never too late. You don't have to worry about or buy in to this limiting belief that it's too late for you to do something new. Limiting belief, number three. I can't slow down. So many high achievers. So many of my midlife clients, they feel guilty about. Taking a break or slowing down to enjoy life. I, I am guilty of this myself. I. I am a work in progress. I am constantly working on this one, myself.'cause like a lot of you. I feel like I always have to be producing. Even if it's the weekend and I'm not at work. there's something about grabbing a book and lying on the couch and just reading the book when I look around and I'm like, oh, you know, we. We need to vacuum the floor. Or this table is dusty, or I need to run to the grocery store or. Anybody else have that issue where you try and just take a beat and your mind starts this endless checklist loop of all the things that you. Haven't completed or need to complete or said you would complete and, and. So you just feel like you can't take a break or slow down to enjoy life. Part of that, of course is. Because our culture equates productivity with worth. So. we've been raised and grown up with this idea that. We can't slow down because our worthiness is tied to what we're doing for others. And this is particularly true. For women. So that when we do take time for ourselves, it feels. Self-serving or self-indulgent. Uh, that, that were branded as self-centered, because we are carving out time for ourselves, which is kind of ridiculous. But. The messages, if you spend time. On self care on doing something for yourself. That your being self-indulgent or your self centered? And this is especially true when we are at phases in our lives where other people are relying on us. Our kids, our spouse, our aging parents. But what's interesting here is. It is scientifically proven. That if we slow down. And we take some time for ourself. If we allow time for creativity or just sitting and thinking and being. All of those things. Reduce stress. They help you sleep better. They help you calm your mind. And ironically. By taking some time and slowing down, you're actually more productive. So for those of you who love you a good productive weekend, right? There is gold in taking some time for yourself because. You'll actually reduce stress you'll sleep better and you're going to be more productive on the other end of it. So far, I have talked about what limiting beliefs are. I have discussed common midlife limiting beliefs. So I think it's only fitting that we N. By discussing some tips and strategies. For overcoming midlife beliefs because. If you're like me, it's not enough to just know that you have them. I mean, Don't get me wrong, recognizing that you have limiting beliefs is a good first step. But, but then what? Right. What do you do once you recognize a limiting belief? So here are some tips and strategies for overcoming limiting beliefs. First of all identify the limiting belief and where it came from. Start by asking yourself, is this belief really true or is it just a story I've told myself. Let's use. I never finish anything. I start that that's a limiting belief that a lot of midlife women have. I never finished anything. I start. So ask yourself, is that true? Or is it a story that I've told myself over time? If it's just a story you've told yourself over time. What's interesting. Is it just becomes ingrained in who you are, right. You don't even question it anymore. But where did it come from? Did it come from sixth grade band where you wanted to switch to playing the saxophone from playing the flute. And you had a discussion with your parents at the dinner table and. You, you told them that you wanted to change instruments. And. They had already spent a bunch of money on, you know, they, they bought the flute. Now they're going to have to buy another instrument. You'd had some extra lessons and some extra practice that they paid for. Why would you want to switch halfway through the year? You know, you never finish anything. You start. Or maybe it was in high school where you decided, instead of playing on the tennis team, you wanted to go out for the soccer team. Because all of your friends were playing soccer and yeah, you were mildly good at tennis, but you like the idea of a team sport and you wanted to be with your friends. But your parents had already spent a lot of money on tennis lessons and, and maybe that's when, when they said to you. Why don't you finish anything that you start? Why can't you just stick with something and, and finish it, see it through to the end. So, wherever it came from. Chances are you've lived with this belief, your whole life. But now in midlife. You finally have to stop and ask yourself. Is this limiting belief true or not? Where did it come from? And is it true? Which leads to. We have to challenge our limiting beliefs with counter. Examples. What I mean by that is what evidence do you have that contradicts the limiting belief? So if we, if we go back to that, I never finish anything. I start. What proof do you have that? That's not true. What project at work have you seen through to completion? Um, what about the, the clean out of the garage last weekend? Maybe you decided, you know what, I'm tired of having the garage look like a mess. Every time I pull my car into the garage, or maybe you couldn't even get your car into the garage, I needed to clean it up so that you could fit the car in the garage. And you spent the whole weekend doing it, but you finished it. So instead of telling yourself, I never finish anything, I start. Start keeping track of all of the things that refute that belief that contradict it. Give yourself some counter examples to prove the limiting belief wrong. Next examine yourself. Talk. Notice get, get real clear and real conscious of noticing when limiting beliefs start creeping in. And then once you recognize them, Learn to reframe that internal narrative. And by reframe, I mean, Replace that limiting belief with an empowering one. you can literally. Rewrite your brain by changing the limiting belief. Into a new belief that better supports you. So if we go back to that, I never finished anything. I start limiting belief. You can change that. You can reframe that to a more empowering belief. Like. I am intentionally working my way through this project. It may be going slower than I hoped it would, but I will give it everything I have for as long as I need to. see how that works, where instead of like the full stop with, I never finished anything, I start. Yeah, maybe it's not going as fast as you would like. But you're going to give it everything you have for as long as you need to see how that is more empowering than just the full stop limiting belief. When you catch yourself. Telling yourself, you know, the limiting belief, whatever it is. Reframe it to something more positive and empowering. Next along with reframing. It's important to notice and celebrate the small wins. So each success, no matter how small. Can chip away at our limiting beliefs over time. That I never finished anything. I start. I mean. Do you make your bed in the morning? Have you read the entire book before book club and it doesn't even have to be the whole book. I mean, maybe you are someone who wants to establish, create a habit that you read 10 pages in a book before you go to bed. So, did you read 10 pages before you went to sleep last night? I mean, these, these don't have to be huge things, right. But they can be. Small little wins that just like the idea of giving yourself counterexamples, you can celebrate the small. Incremental successes. Which will then help chip away and rewrite the limiting belief. I never finish anything. I start, well, that's not true. Because I made my bed this morning and I made my bed the day before. And the day before that, And I read the whole book. Before. Book club. So it's not true that I don't finish anything. I start because I have actual proof that I have completed projects that I have started. Another approach here is visualizing your new story. imagine yourself achieving goals through the lens of your new belief. what do you want to achieve? What do you want to finish or complete? Maybe you. Want to run a marathon. But you've got this belief that I never finished anything. I start. Visualize yourself. Training for the marathon. Starting in the starting queue, the. Star Spangled banner plays and then the gun shoots off. And the entire wave of runners. Moves to the start line together. You cross the start line. And you can envision yourself running mile after mile. You know, you, you, maybe you walk through the. Water stops. You take in some water, you take in some fuel and then you get started running again and you run and you run and you run and you cross the finish line. So. Visualize yourself. Achieving your goals in your new story. Instead of, I never finished anything. I start visualize yourself training for and crossing the line at the marathon. Visualize yourself. finally quitting the job that is sucking the life out of you. It doesn't have to be all, um, that Jerry Maguire moment, you know, where he stands up in the middle of the office and he starts yelling, who's coming with me, who's coming with me. Oh, although we could be. But it could also just be maybe visualizing yourself, packing up a box of the photographs that you have on your desk. Packing up a box of your personal belongings and putting them in the car and driving away. But. It's interesting. How, when we start visualizing our new story, That even just packing up that box. Putting them in the trunk, driving away. Our body feels totally different. That's the power of visualization. We can get into that more later, but by using the power of visualization, You can actually rewrite those limiting beliefs. You can, you can quiet them down because they just. They don't serve you anymore and you've already proven them wrong because you have learned how to reframe them. You have given counterexamples and now you're visualizing a new story. And finally be patient with yourself. I know that. That. I talked about this earlier, but. Changing. Patterns and habits and beliefs. That takes time. It takes time. It takes self-compassion. It takes practice. I mean. If these stories that we are telling ourselves about ourselves, If we have been telling the same stories and believing them about ourselves for decades. It's not going to be. Uh, you know, today we decide we're not going to have that belief anymore and we're going to just change it. And then tomorrow everything's going to be different. That's not how it works. Right. We have to continue to chip away at it. We have to be intentional about it. We have two. Practice some self-compassion right, because it's going to take time. We just have to stick with it. The key here is, is becoming aware of the limiting belief. And realizing that it no longer serves you. And then taking the small, consistent steps to rewrite the narrative. About who you are and what you're capable of achieving. Midlife. Brings. Huge opportunities for us for positive change. You know, we're no longer. Trying to keep up with the Joneses. We're no longer chasing that next big achievement. We, we are learning to know ourselves and trust ourselves much more than we have when we were just focused on the grind. And the next thing. And if we're able to let go of the limiting beliefs. Have, you know, these preconceived limitations that we have. And we can really. Focus on writing our own story. Moving forward. And it's it's with that open mindset and a belief in ourselves after quieting the limiting beliefs. There, there are so many exciting possibilities ahead that. Let's let's move past. Being held back by limiting beliefs. Let's make those big life changes. Let's let's move past the plateaus. Let's quiet. The self sabotaging beliefs. Because. You are not the person that you have been led to believe that you are. Those limiting beliefs that you were told that, that. You were taught as a child. Those aren't serving you anymore. They're not true. They're not serving you. It's time to let them go. It's time to rewrite them. It's time to reframe them. It's time to let them go. I would love to hear from you. What limiting beliefs. Are you struggling with. How have you overcome them? What is one tip that I talked about today that your going to. Start. Using in your own life. I Shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. Until then. Make it a great week i'll see you right back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session take care Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the School of Midlife podcast. I'd love it if you would take a moment and leave me a five star review so that we can spread the word to other mid-life women. Then join my mailing list. The link is in the show notes. And if you're ready to make midlife your best life, you can also find out more about how to work with me in the show notes. I'll see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session.