38. Beating the Holiday Blues: When Festive Feels Like a Farce (Part 6 of the Have Yourself a Merry Little Midlife Holiday)

It's the most wonderful time of the year...or is it?

What happens when you're feeling a little blue during the holidays? When you're just not feeling as festive as everyone else?

In this sixth episode of the Have Yourself a Merry Little Midlife Holiday series, Laurie shares actionable advice on limiting obligations, finding meaning over perfection, and other ways to care for your whole health during some of the most stressful days of the year.

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Transcript

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at the time this episode drops, it is the middle of December. So we are in the thick of it. Parties, cookie baking, gift buying, rapping, watching all the holiday movies. There's a lot. And. Today. I want to talk about what happens then. If you're just not feeling the holiday spirit, maybe you're feeling a little blue or a little depressed, or even maybe a little sad and. This certainly isn't the time of the year when we're supposed to feel like that. Right. Holidays, conjure up a ton of emotions. And in today's episode, I'm going to give you some tools. That will be, make it through the season. Even if you're not feeling all party, party. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, where I'll be sharing, inspiring stories, providing step-by-step actionable coaching and introducing you to some incredible women who are absolutely crushing it at the midlife game. And you'd better believe we'll also be having candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Hey there, friends. And welcome back to another episode of the school in midlife podcast. Today is the last episode of the have yourself a Merry little midlife holiday series. If you're keeping track, you're probably wondering why there isn't another episode in the series next week. I have a special surprise for you next week. I'll tell you more about that at the end of the episode. And I have a little gift for you too. So you want to stick around for that. But on today's episode. I'm just going to come out and say it. I am not. Feeling, particularly festive this year. I have. Very little desire to get dressed up and to go to parties. I it's like a, just want to stay home. I'm enjoying the holiday lights, but unlike most years I haven't been out driving around to take a look at them. And delight in them like usual, we, we haven't gone to the botanical garden and walked through the winter garden of glow yet. I, I I'm just not enjoying them. Like I usually do. I. Over the weekend. I baked a couple batches of my favorite holiday cookies thinking, you know, maybe that would spark some holiday. Spirit. I'm happy to report that they are delicious cookies, but I'm not sure that that has helped me. Feel any more? Things just feel a little heavy this year, a little heavier than usual. And I don't know if it's because of what's going on in the middle east with the conflict between Israel and Hamas. And all of the antisemitism and acts of violence against Jews at our country and worldwide. And of course this is, is happening during Hanukkah, which just feels a little bit more heartbreaking. And then there's the ongoing war in the Ukraine. And the political divisions in this country. I mean it. It feels like we've lost the ability to talk about things or find common ground solution. It just, it. It leads to this level of divisiveness that I really don't remember. Ever having before. I mean, it's this prevailing attitude that you're either with us. Or you're against us. And. It's it's a lot. I know that this shouldn't bother me. Like it does, you know, they say whoever they are, but turn off the TV, don't watch the news. Don't read the news. And honestly, I really don't spend a lot of time following the news, but it's every freaking where it's like, you can't avoid it. Closer to home. One of my dearest friends, lost her 14 year old daughter to suicide in November. And it is the most awful thing for anyone to go through. And I'm watching as they navigate the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas season without their precious girl. And their world will never be the same. I feel so helpless. I want to do more. I want to take the pain away, but grief is one of those things that we can't go through for others. We just, we have to be there to listen to check-in and to love them. And I know how hard this is because some of you may not know that the holidays. Have brought their fair share of loss to my family, to. My only brother. Jeffrey Who was 13 months younger than me died on December 21st, in 1997. So that was 26 years ago. In fact, 26 years is longer than the 24 years. He was alive. Which still feels strange to me that he. You know, never met my husband. And so many of the people in my life that are so important to me. It always feels strange that he's not here for the holidays. It, it seems like there. Memories of holidays before he died. And then after he died. And like I said, that was 26 years ago. And besides my brother, my dad had a heart attack and died eight years ago on December 26th. instead of spending Christmas with him that year, Mike and I went to sun valley and dad wanted to stay home and move into his new home. That's a whole nother story for another day, but. His passing on December 26. just five months after he retired that's a big reason. I got into coaching. It's one of the reasons I started the school of midlife, because I want to encourage women to make their best life now, instead of waiting for retirement or the right time or. Or when it's more convenient for everyone else. So my brother died on December 21st. My dad died on December 26th. And then of course, my birthday is December 19th, which is not the ideal time for a birthday. It. Honestly, it just feels like one more thing to try and shoehorn into an already busy time of the year. I'm not sharing all of this with you to bring you down. Um, I'm just. I'm sharing to provide some context. Because if you're also not feeling it this holiday season, I get it. I completely resonate with that. It. It's a lot. Isn't it. So. With that. Let's dive into the meat of today's episode. I want to share with you some coping strategies and perspectives and support. To help get you through what may be a difficult season for you. Or, or maybe even someone close to you. Let's start off by level setting here. As I mentioned before, if you're feeling sad or lonely or a little depressed, You're not alone. The holiday season brings so much joy to so many. But for a lot of us, this season is far from just ha you know, those happy gatherings in the movies and the commercials. I don't know about you, but I'm still waiting for someone to buy me a brand new Lexus with a big red bow on it and park it in the driveway on a snowy morning. When that be fantastic. But while the commercials and the movies show all sorts of shiny, happy people at the holidays. Research shows that many people and women in particular. Struggle with higher rates of depression. Anxiety. Stress and other mental health challenges during winter. And the holidays. Obviously that doesn't take away the blueness you may be feeling, but hopefully there's some comfort in knowing that. You're not alone. According to one survey by the American psychological association, 44% of women reported that the holidays caused them stress and anxiety. Experts cite several factors that make women more vulnerable during this time of year. Are you ready for them? Here they are in no particular order. This pressure of living up to high holiday expectations for things to be perfect. Or there's stress and exhaustion from all of the holiday prep because women often take on more of the holiday tasks like shopping. Baking. Decorating. Managing and organizing the family gatherings. have you, have you seen the meme with a woman asking her husband to help clean before the holiday company comes over? She's she asked for his help and He then probably heads outside to sweep out the garage. And start using the leaf blower in the yard. And she was thinking. Um, can you clean the toilet in the guest bathroom or maybe load the dishwasher? He's thinking that he's helping clean, but. Not only is the work not getting done, which causes her more stress. But now she's also feeling this friction in her relationship. I don't, I don't know what it is about. Having people over and guys thinking that they need to clean out the garage or the yard, but I can completely relate to that. So we've got. These holiday expectations. We've got stress and exhaustion from planning, all the things. And then there's the stress of the family events, the actual bringing together of the family. And that can create any sort of relation issues with family members or feeling like you have to show up in a certain way when you're with your family. Um, maybe you even have to avoid talking about certain topics because. you just can't go there with your family. And then of course there is loneliness or grieving over lost, loved ones. Thinking about past losses or the unmet expectations of the last year. That's on top of financial struggles or this kind of gift obligation pressure. The one Goodness that comes with holiday gifts. And we might as well round out the list with struggles with body image due to weight gain or. The snowy and icy conditions outside, which lead to a lack of interest in exercise, or maybe a lack of time for exercise. So that's just the holiday stress. lots of holiday stress going on. And we can couple that holiday stress with some data from Johns Hopkins university. That reveals that women are twice as likely to experience seasonal affective disorder. Seasonal effective disorder causes recurring bouts of depression during the winter. So double whammy, right? I mean, as we approach the winter solstice, which is the shortest day of the year, think about this. Those shorter winter days. They also influence hormone changes that can disrupt normal serotonin levels and mood regulation. So really it's, it's absolutely no wonder that women can experience a spike in stress. And anxiety sadness. Feelings of overwhelm or hopelessness during the holidays. Because not only do we have the holiday stress. But then we've got the seasonal affective disorder. now that we know. Potentially what we're dealing with and what might be causing these. Less than festive feelings that we're having. Let's talk about what you can do about it. Before i go there though i want to say it's okay to feel those feelings I think so often there is this pressure that it's the holidays. We have to be happy. It's the holidays. We must be joyful. It's the holidays. We must be grateful. It's okay though, to feel a little stressed or anxious or sad or blue. It's normal to feel happy. One moment and sad the next. I don't want to give the impression that if you're sad or depressed or anxious or blue, that you just need to get over it because it's so important to feel all the feelings. Also, I should know that I am not a mental health provider. I know y'all know that, but this podcast is purely for entertainment and educational purposes. I'm not giving out any medical advice here. Take what's helpful and leave the rest. And I should say though, Please. I implore you. If you're feeling more than a little blue or depressed this holiday season. Please, please, please go talk to someone. Get the help you need. You don't need to navigate any of this alone and your friends and your family members want you to find the help you're needing. Okay. So the good news here is that with some focus on self care fundamentals and reframing mindset. You can learn to. Learn too. That's not exactly how I want to say that you can manage the holidays. And feel a little less. Blue. There are simple things like exercise and sunlight exposure. Adequate rest saying no to certain obligations. Having self-compassion. About things you can't control. Asking others for support or help. Those simple things. They can go a long, long way. I want to dive a little deeper here into the self care tips. For me. There are really. what I like to call the big three. These are the ones that make the biggest difference in my mood and general overall wellness. Exercise. Sunlight exposure. Adequate sleep. Let's take a look at those. Um, starting with exercise. I walk every morning, regardless of the weather, regardless of the amount of daylight, or maybe even no daylight this time of the year. Some of my walks are for 10 minutes. Others are for over an hour. It is a purposeful walk. What I mean by that is I'm walking at a semi hurried pace. Like, like I'm late for something. And. That walk. Starts my day. On the right foot. Yes. Pun intended there, but it gets my heart pumping, but it's also this super meditative. Exercise for me because I get outside and I'm focusing on my breath. And when I'm outside, I also have this heightened awareness of all my senses. So the feeling of the cool air on my cheeks. The, the sound of the crunch of the snow or the. Crunchy leaves under my feet. the smell of fireplace fires or crisp mountain air, wherever I'm at it all. Just clears my head. And there's something about moving my body. First thing in the morning. That just clears everything out. It's like pressing a reset button. It's just a beautiful start. And it makes me feel so much better. I swear to that. It's one of the best cures for a hangover. It's much better than a cool shower or splashing cold water on your face. It won't completely get rid of the hangover and you probably still have to deal with that headache or maybe the stomach ache, but you're going to feel much better if you take yourself outside for a walk. Every morning. Without fail. It doesn't have to be long. It can be short, but just a semi hurried pace outside. At least 10 minutes. beyond the. Exercise and the morning walk, then there's sunlight exposure. This is that kind of two birds with one stone. If you're out for your morning walk after the sunrises. If not, if it's dark, when you're out at for your morning walk, then find some time to be outside during the day. If it's cold, where you're at, you can grab your down coat and scarf. And head outside. There's something about being outside. And absorbing that sunlight. When we talk about seasonal affective disorder. It's it's oftentimes triggered because we have a lack of sunlight. So that's why people will sit in front of. Special lights inside their home. And if you live in areas where you don't get enough sunlight, then by all means. Invest in one of those lights, but to the extent that you can get outside, During the day. It will. Improve your mood dramatically. One thing I heard. On Andrew Huberman podcast recently was that in the morning, he doesn't wear sunglasses when he's outside, because he doesn't want to monkey with this circadian rhythm. I found that so interesting. Now. It is interesting, but I still wear my sunglasses, even if it's overcast, but that might be something for you that you want to try, particularly if you're feeling impacted by a lack of sunlight. Or, um, you're feeling you're not getting that refreshed feeling by being outside in the morning. Early in the day. The last of the big three is sleep. We have talked about the importance of sleep before. The benefits are many, but it protects your longterm. Cognitive health helps you regulate emotions. Limits food cravings. Acts as a reset for your mind and body. The list goes on and on. During the holidays, though, there are a number of. Common sleep disruptors. We'll call them this time of the year. A lot of us are going to bed later than normal because either we're out partying and we're having a good time. Or we've got a late event that we're at. But. your sleep is likely going to suffer. Because you're out late and you know, there's no such thing as sleeping in anymore. Your internal clock is going to wake you up at 6:00 AM. I don't know why that happens, but think about it. Whenever you have the ability to sleep in. Can you. For most of us know because our body just naturally wakes us up now. Early. I wish there was a way to combat that, but. It's just another one of those things about getting older, that, you know, just another gift of getting older. Look, I'm not saying you should skip the parties, but maybe think about limiting the number of late parties or concerts or holiday events that you're attending so that you're sure. You can get enough sleep. Other things that impact sleep this time of the year. A lot of us are eating more rich foods. We're drinking more alcohol. And then of course, there's the stress to get everything done. Baking gift, buying hostessing, decorating. Which creates this crappy little dog chasing its tail, where you stay up late to complete all the things which impacts your sleep, which creates more stress, which impacts her sleep and round and round. It goes. In addition to the big three for self care exercise, sunlight exposure, good sleep. There are another couple self care tips that I find are helpful to make it through the holidays. One, are there relaxing or fun activities that you can do just for you? This could be getting a massage or a facial. It could be drinking your morning tea and Spending a couple of minutes each morning, journaling. Or like me, I have been sharing on social media, how much I've been enjoying paint by numbers. This is, um, kind of a modern grownup paint by numbers. But it is. Mindless. Time that, you know, if Mike's watching a football game or there's a movie on or something, It's just something I can do and be creative that doesn't take a lot of mind power and it's super relaxing. And the. Designs are so cool after I finished them, I have them up in my office. So they're, they're not, you know, the old time paint by numbers. They're very cool. Modern grown-up paint by numbers. Speaking of fun activities that you can do just for you. It could also be going to a performance of the Nutcracker. By myself. Because I want to see it. And Mike doesn't. I danced ballet for. I don't know how many years, more than I can count. And I was in the Nutcracker, many, many seasons. It's something that I love to experience. Not every year. But this year, it sounds fun to me. And because Mike doesn't want to go, I'm going to go by myself. So Are there some things or relaxing or fun activities that you can do just for you? Other than self care. Let's talk about some mindset reframes that can help you fight the holiday blues. First of all be gentle with yourself. I know that we've talked a lot about this over the course of the, have yourself a Merry little midlife holiday season. But. It's okay to say no to obligations. It's okay to set and hold healthy boundaries with family. Whether that's limiting the amount of time you spend with them or setting topics of conversation that aren't allowed at the dinner table. Like your divorce or your political views or your waist size. Another reframe is focusing on meaning over perfection. This is another one we've talked about lately. Remember that concept of the C plus holiday. Remember that a year or two from now almost no one will remember the gifts you gave them or what you serve them for dinner. Or what you were wearing to the cocktail party, but they will remember the experiences that they spent with you now. I say almost no one will remember, because I swear that there is always that one person it's either, usually an aunt or an uncle or your mom. Who remembers everything you did wrong, right. But remember we're focusing on meaning this year, meaning over perfection. We're setting and holding healthy boundaries with others. And we're being gentle with ourselves. Another reframe is. A daily gratitude practice. I always start with what are the five things I'm grateful for? Today. I'd like to incorporate my gratitude practice in with my morning routine. So I do it right after I get home from my walk. Because there is something about clearing my head on the walk and then starting my day with gratitude, that sets a positive mindset for the entire day. Does it mean it will end up being a great day? Absolutely not, but I will take a good start over a bad start and hopefully that good start will, will create a foundation for the rest of the day. But I cannot guarantee that your day, although it started well will end well. But there is something about that. Morning, daily gratitude practice. That is really important, especially this time of the year. The other thing, a gratitude practice does it, it helps you focus on. The. Blessings that you already have. And at this time of the year, Focusing on blessings instead of material things. That can be a game changer. Uh, the commercialism of Christmas. And the amount of money spent on the holidays can be a source of frustration and anger and anxiety for a lot of women during holidays. So you don't have to buy into it. Sorry. Another pun intended there. I just can't help myself today. And then finally take it one day at a time. As of the date, this episode drops, there are less than two weeks to go until Christmas from where you're currently sitting. That may feel like an eternity, but you and I both know it will be over before, you know, it. So you can do this. You can pace yourself. You got two weeks ago. Take. Take some time outs when you start feeling overwhelmed. And remember too, that you can change your plans. Just because you committed to a party or an open house. Or another event weeks ago. It doesn't mean that you can't change your mind. If, if you're not feeling it. And it would serve you better to sit this one out. You can do that. So if you're feeling a little stressed out or anxious Or just not festival a little blue this year Focus on those self care fundamentals and the reframing mindsets make sure you're getting enough exercise make sure you're getting outside that you're getting enough sleep That you're saying no to Unwanted obligations that you're practicing some self-compassion. And that you're asking others for support and help Make sure you're carving out some time for some relaxing and fun activities That are just for you. Be gentle with yourself Focus on finding meaning over perfection this holiday season Practice daily gratitude And. And finally just take it one day at a time You can do this If you want to connect with a like minded community navigating the highs and lows of mid life together. Find me on Instagram or LinkedIn. We can continue having conversations like this one. Provide camaraderie and support to each other. Let's hang out. I would love that so much. Before I wrap today's episode, I wanted to tell you about a fun, little gift exchange that I have for you. It's the holidays. So how about a gift exchange? And the best part is you don't even have to do any shopping or even leave your phone or computer. As you know, My mission is to give midlife women. The practical tools, the mindset shifts and the permission to make midlife Their best life. And one way I do that is through this podcast. But I'm looking to grow the podcast audience, and I need your help with a couple very easy tasks that. Might take maybe three minutes of your time. And once you complete them. I'll gift you a custom school of midlife hat. This holiday season as a thank you. So real quick. Here's how you can claim your school of MetLife hat. Number one, make sure you're subscribed to. Or following the school of mid-life podcast on your favorite podcast player, that could be apple podcasts. That could be. Spotify that could be Google play that. Wherever you get your podcast. Make sure you're subscribed to, or following the school of midlife podcast. This is hands down the most important thing you can do to help me with the podcast. It's also the easiest thing for you to do. Just check the plus sign. Super super easy. And then. Number two. While you're there subscribing. If you could please take two seconds to rate the school of mid-life podcast. A five-star review would really help me spread the word and I would be so grateful for a five-star review. And then number three. If you have one extra minute to spare. I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a review. It doesn't need to be long. If you were going to recommend the podcast to a close friend, how would you describe the podcast? That that's it. So follow the podcast, rate the podcast. And if you have a spare minute, leave a quick review. There will be a clickable link in the show notes for you to add your mailing address so that I know where to send you your hat. There are only 20 of them though. And when they're gone, they're gone. Thank you so much for your help with growing the school of mid-life podcasts. I, I can't wait to send you your hat. Finally. I mentioned that this is the last episode of the have yourself a Merry little mid-life holiday series. I had originally planned one more episode. For next week, but then I looked at the calendar. And the next week, next Tuesday is my birthday. So instead of another holiday episode, Next week's episode will be a special lessons learned episode. This, this isn't going to be another cheeky list of things I learned in the past year. Sure. There will be lessons learned. But I have to say. The next episode is the rawest most vulnerable i have ever been Maybe maybe ever On the podcast Um, maybe ever on even social media this is one you won't want to miss Make sure You're back here next week and if you subscribe to the podcast you will not miss it Thank you so much for being here today I hope that you find a little of that holiday spirit that you're looking for. And even if you don't, I hope you've had the self-compassion. And the self-awareness to give yourself some grace and know that. There's always next year. Take good care of yourself. I'll see you right back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session