108. "You've Changed." Why That May Be the Highest Compliment Paid to a Midlife Woman

🎉 Happy 2-Year Anniversary!

In this special milestone episode, Laurie celebrates two incredible years of The School of Midlife podcast. With 108 episodes under her belt and 14 amazing guests in the past year, she reflects on the growth of the show and her deep gratitude for every listener who tunes in—whether you're walking, commuting, or tuning in from your desk.

💥 You've Changed. And That’s a Good Thing.

Laurie dives into a powerful, raw topic so many high-performing midlife women experience: the backhanded compliment of “you’ve changed.” She breaks down what people really mean when they say it—and why your personal growth might be making others uncomfortable.

From setting healthy boundaries and learning what really matters, to letting go of friendships that no longer serve you, this episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating growth, identity shifts, and evolving relationships in midlife.

📺 Pop Culture Meets Real Life

Laurie weaves in some White Lotus wisdom, using the fictional friendship of the "Big Blonde Blob" as a mirror for real-life relationship dynamics. How do long-time friendships survive (or not) when we change? And how can we tell when a relationship is meant to last... or just served its season?

✨ Upcoming Free Masterclass

Laurie also shares details on her free 3-part masterclass designed for high-achieving women who are asking big life questions—and wondering if they're having a midlife crisis. Spoiler: they’re not.

Masterclass Themes Include:

• The real reason midlife women think they're in crisis
• How to redefine success and uncover your authentic purpose
• Four steps to live your best life in midlife and beyond

Click the link in the show notes to save your seat!

🛑 Key Takeaways:

• “You’ve changed” is often more about the other person’s discomfort than your growth.
• Setting boundaries and redefining your values can shift long-term relationships—and that’s okay.
• Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some were for a reason, some for a season, and a few for a lifetime.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

• 🎉 Register for the Free Masterclass
• 📩 Send Laurie a DM or email with your episode ideas or guest requests

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https://www.schoolofmidlife.com/newsletter

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Transcript

​[00:00:00] 

In this week's episode of the School of Midlife Podcast, we're talking about what people really mean when they tell you you've changed or you are different. Should we take that as a compliment or do they mean something else? We're gonna dive into that and more.

Let's get started.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Hey friends, it's Laurie. [00:01:00] Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I am so excited to be here with you today in what, as it turns out, is our second year anniversary episode. Yep, that's right. Episode 1 0 8. We've been around for two years, so 108 episodes, if I'm doing my math correctly, that is.

At least one episode per week, which is pretty impressive considering that I took two months off last year because I was doing the whole idea of take some time off between seasons and, um, I actually took two months off, which, which was also nice to be able to step away from the podcast a little bit, think about where I wanted to go with it in the future.

And, what do you know, a, a year later here we are and 108 episodes in, 

I went through and looked up, we had 14 different guests on the [00:02:00] podcast in 2024, and that was up from, I don't know, three or four or five in the very first year. trust me, there are more guest episodes coming. I know you love them.

We've just been having some issues with. Getting things scheduled, but rest assured, more guest episodes are coming. If you have an idea of who you would like to hear from, what type of guest you would like on the podcast, send me a, a message, tag me on social, send me a dm. Wherever you wanna get in touch with me, let me know.

I am always looking for input so that I can bring you the best kind of content on the podcast that you want to hear from. And that that doesn't just mean the guests you wanna hear from. What other ideas do you want to hear from me about? So, I, I would love to hear from you. I read every single email that you send me, I read and respond to all [00:03:00] messages on social.

I just wanna make sure that , you are getting the bang for your buck when you show up here every week and you come and listen to the School of Midlife podcasts because it is not lost on me that there are millions of podcasts out there, and I am very grateful to spend at least some of your week.

On your walk in your car when you're working out. Maybe you just have your AirPods in while you're at work wherever you're listening to me, I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend some time with you. So happy two year anniversary to the podcast, and thank you so much for being here. If you want to celebrate the anniversary milestone, it would be fantastic if you sent a favorite episode to one of your besties because word of mouth recommendations.

Definitely the best way for us to grow and scale the podcast, which is important when our mission is to give [00:04:00] women the tools and information and everything that they need to make midlife and beyond their very best life so that they can live the life that they always dreamt of, even if maybe they haven't dreamt of it yet, but we wanna make.

Life in general, just better for high performing midlife women. So thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing our message so that we can continue building this mission that we are on. 

Moving on. One more quick announcement before we get into the meat of the episode, and that is, there are three free master classes that I am doing starting this week, if you're listening the week that the podcast drops, um, first masterclass is this Thursday, and then we'll have another one on the following Tuesday and then next Thursday as well. The theme of that masterclass is how high [00:05:00] performing midlife women are creating their best lives in midlife and beyond, and skipping the midlife crisis.

So. Fantastic, free information. I would love to have you join us. Um, if you're wondering if this is for you, if you've been wildly successful in your life up until now. You have everything you always thought you ever wanted. So, family, career, nice house cars, maybe even some stamps in your passport.

But you just feel like something's missing. You don't know what it is, but you just feel like you were made for something more, which means you are now finding yourself in midlife and waking up at two o'clock in the morning and asking yourself some really big life questions, which you never did before.

Like. Is it too late for me? What's next for me? What's my legacy beyond my family and my career? And because you're starting to ask these questions of yourself and you never have [00:06:00] before, then you start wondering like, what's wrong with me? Am am I having a midlife crisis? Is this what they talk about when, when they talk about a woman having a midlife crisis?

Just not really sure what to do next if that. Sounds like you, then I'm also willing to bet to get rid of those feelings, to kind of fix the problem. You have probably added more to your work schedule, added more to your home life schedule, just trying to work your way into feeling more fulfilled, like you've achieved more.

So you're working harder both at work and at home. You've probably even started a gratitude practice because that's definitely in vogue, and I certainly talk about gratitude a lot here with the morning five, ten five. But you have maybe started this gratitude practice so that you can convince yourself.

That you should just be thankful for everything that you [00:07:00] have because it's so much more than so many other people. So I'm just gonna be happy with what I have now. And then you kind of, you, you feel like you start settling a little bit. If this sounds like you, I have helped hundreds of midlife women.

Figure out what they want in midlife and beyond, so that they can have fulfillment and satisfaction and happiness. All those things that have almost been eluding them, you know, they've been working hard. They've been trying to find the fulfillment and full life happiness that they have always dreamt of.

And the women that I work with, they figure that out. By just knowing three simple things. So in the masterclass, I'm gonna break down the entire process on what those three things are. Again, it's completely free. Day one, we are gonna talk about the real reason high performing women worry that they're having a midlife crisis [00:08:00] day two.

We're gonna talk about how to redefine success in midlife and finally find the authentic purpose after years of achievement. I, gosh, I, I know so many of us can relate to that. And then in day three, we'll talk about the four simple steps to live your best life in midlife and beyond, and Skip the Crisis.

So again, it's a free masterclass. It is completely free to join. You do have to sign up so that you can get the link. I would love to have you join us live, um, if you cannot swing that given your work schedule or your life schedule, I, I'm pretty sure that there will be replays available, but, 

you definitely have to sign up so that you've got access to the virtual links so that you can participate with us. So there will be a clickable link in the show notes. [00:09:00] Again, the first masterclass will be this Thursday, and then we'll have two next week, next Tuesday and next Thursday. Would love to have you there.

So with all of that, all that housekeeping outta the way, let's dive into today's episode. 

I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted to talk about today because I've kind of been living through it a little bit. I'll, I'll get into that a little bit more as we go on, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how when people say something along the lines of, you've changed or you're different.

A lot of us who focus on personal development, we take it as a compliment, right? We think, yeah. Of, of course I'm different. Of course. I have changed. I'm finally setting some healthy boundaries for myself. I'm finally limiting the noise. [00:10:00] That I'm consuming, right? Because there's this fine line between being informed in today's society and completely overwhelmed.

And if you are listening in the US then you know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't have to go very far to understand just what's going on around us. I'm in Idaho. Not that we have it worse than some. There's just a lot of noise, and when we are focusing on what's important to us, then in order to make it.

Feel a little bit better, to seem a little bit better. We just have to be more intentional about what we let in, how we spend our time, what we are listening to. And I'm again grateful that the School of Midlife has made that list of listen worthy content on your list. So keep coming back because I love producing it for you, but you know, we're, we're [00:11:00] setting some healthy boundaries.

We're. Limiting what comes in so that we aren't overwhelmed by the news cycle. We're also starting to focus maybe for the first time ever in our lives on what it is we actually need and want, from our partners, from our families, from our work situations. I mean, for most of us, we've been keeping the balls.

We've been juggling everything. For years and we're finally realizing that, yeah, we still need to keep the balls in the air. But some of those balls are glass, some of them are rubber, and while we're juggling them, it's okay to let some of the rubber ones bounce because we can let go of them and they're not going to break the glass ones.

We do need to continue to focus on a little bit, but what's interesting is. Now we are starting to realize that some of those glass balls, those are the balls [00:12:00] for us. Those are the balls that are meaningful in our lives. Those are the things that we wanna do because they're important to us. We wanna do them.

We need to do them. And as we are progressing as we are. Learning about ourselves more as we are being intentional about personal development for our own sake. Then we've got this better understanding of which of the balls that we can drop so that we aren't finding ourselves in this constant cycle of overwork and overwhelm and trying to do everything for everyone else before we allow ourselves some time for ourselves.

And these are all good things. Healthy boundaries, right? Safe and healthy boundaries. Limiting what we're consuming, taking care of ourselves first. All great, great things. But I think you'll agree with me. When people [00:13:00] say you've changed or you are different, they don't usually mean that as a compliment, do they?

They they usually mean. You are different and I liked the old you better They usually mean you've changed and I'm not sure that I like the new you. How that can look is when they say, I like the old, you better, or they're not saying that. The implication is that they like the old you better.

What they're saying is, I liked the you who did not have the strong, healthy boundaries. I liked the you who sat quietly and listened to all of my rhetoric, all of the things that you didn't agree with. You just sat there very quietly and you didn't challenge me. Or if you did challenge me, maybe it was just like a half [00:14:00] challenge and then you backed off so that I could have my way.

That's what they're saying. They're saying I like the you who did more for everyone else, because in doing that, you made my life more comfortable. I liked it better when you were looking out for me instead of you looking out for yourself and as high performing midlife women. We have done this for most of our lives because we do believe

that some of our value. Some of our worth is tied to the roles that we have played in the lives of others, and that goes back for years. I mean, that's all like childhood trauma, the family dynamics, internal family systems, uh, lots of wounds that frankly we, I, I am not qualified to get [00:15:00] into on this podcast.

 We will have a. Guests come on and talk about internal family systems and childhood trauma and how that bubbles up in ways that we aren't even aware of as women. It is fascinating. I, I'm sure that you have done plenty of researching about it. On your own. I know I have. Every time I read something about it, it it just, it's, it makes so much sense.

Oh, of course. That's why I'm like that because at some point I had to become hypervigilant in my family so that I didn't piss somebody off. Oh. That's exactly why I became this overachiever people pleaser because, you know, putting my. Needs and wants on the back burner so that I could make everyone else happy because there was so many other things going on.

And that was this protection mechanism that I learned from a very early age. And again, [00:16:00] we'll get into that in another episode, but just know that so much of what we experienced in childhood has become a subconscious. Part of who it is that we are and the ways that we continue to show up as adults completely related to our experiences when we were young, 

and I've been thinking about this a little bit because I've had my own recent run in with a fairly traumatic.

Situation. I, I am not ready to get into it yet on the podcast. I will share it at some point with you. I need to process it a bit more. I need to sit with it and figure out what it really means to me, how it's going to impact a relationship moving forward. It's. It's been a lot. It's been tough.

I, I'm not throwing it out there as a teaser. I absolutely hate it when [00:17:00] people do that, but it's just suffice it to say it's something that I need to work through on my own a little bit before I open up and I share it, I will share it.

So on the one hand, I've, I've definitely been thinking about.

This personal experience I had recently, but I've also, this has also come up because while I am dealing with this personal situation in my own life, I've been watching season three of White Lotus, and I don't know if you've been watching it or not, but. Every time I think that, like I've seen craziness on White Lotus and, and Mike White can't possibly make it Stranger or I don't know where he comes up with this stuff. , I watched last night's episode and I am just talk about interesting family dynamics. But anyway, that's not the part of White Lotus that [00:18:00] has triggered this in me, has made me start thinking about this. It's what's being called the big blonde blob.

That's what Mike White, the producer, the director, has called it the big blonde blob, and that is the three childhood BFFs that are away on vacation together. Right, so they were best friends when they were younger. We get the sense that they've drifted apart a bit. Maybe they're in contact every now and then, but it's been a while since all three of them have been together.

And it, it goes without saying that they have all changed fairly dramatically since they grew up because they're living in different cities. They have different lives. I mean, I, I guess they've changed fairly dramatically. What we don't know are what were the roles that they played when they were younger in this friendship?

Because certainly I think we can all grow and mature. Um, but it [00:19:00] begs the question if, if there is a certain dynamic, and each woman played a certain role in that friendship. Have they actually changed the dynamic or has the dynamic just aged up, if you get what I'm saying? But it, it'll be interesting to see how their relationship changes and evolves and what actually happens while they're at White Lotus in Thailand, because you get the feeling that.

Like something is really bubbling up between them that they have really changed and that they are really different and it's hard to know if their friendship is going to survive. Right. You've got Jacqueline, who is this famous actress, in fact, she's paid for the trip for all three of them, so her, her two childhood friends, and it, it's pretty clear that.

She likes being noticed because she's a popular actress, so she's famous. People know who she is. [00:20:00] Even in Thailand. They recognize her when she's on vacation, and you get the sense that she does like to be the center of attention. And then there's Kate, who is this Texas housewife, this Austin Socialite.

Um, we know that she goes to a pretty conservative Texas church. You get the feeling that maybe it's one of those mega churches, but we don't know that. But, uh, we do get a glimpse into her. Pretty conservative political views, especially when they start talking about who it is that they voted for.

And then there's Laurie, who is the corporate attorney, which same name, same job. Um, she's the divorce say it's really, we can tell that she's going through a lot and it's hard to tell how Laurie was. When they were younger . I don't know, but we see [00:21:00] her calling Jacqueline on some of her shit.

Kate, Well, that's the other thing, , so Kate won't confront Jacqueline or Laurie about the issues. But what's so interesting is on the surface we see them. Getting along great in the beginning of the season. As the season progresses, there's, you know, we're starting to see how their life changes and just being away, being apart from one another has really changed their friendship dynamic.

And of course, you know, we've got different political events and we've got different life experience and, um, turns out some different ideas about fidelity and relationships. But

what we also see is that it's all three of them together. And Mike White calls them the big blonde blob because they are inspired by this group of three blonde [00:22:00] women that he saw on a vacation somewhere. And he called them the big blonde blob because he couldn't tell them apart.

You know, they were all just, they seemed like they were always together, except when there were only two of them together. They were invariably talking about the third one. You know, they're gossiping about, oh, she's got a drinking problem. Oh, her marriage is bad. Oh, can you believe she voted for Trump? Oh, she brought somebody and he spent the night, and that's not her husband.

And I mean, it's, it's just very.

Junior high gossipy, but on grownup adult issues, if that makes sense. So we've got these three women who have been friends for a very long time, but you can tell that. They're still trying to hold on to this friendship that they had when they were younger, but it's really hard for the viewer to [00:23:00] know how strong that relationship was, especially as we get deeper into the season.

And it just begs this question when they say, you know, you've changed or you're different, have they really, or are they just. Playing the same roles that they played in each other's lives, but in a more mature way.

And it just has me thinking that there are reasons why some relationships fade away. There are reasons why some relationships go the distance and the ones that make it, the ones that continue are the ones where both people or all three people or the group grow and mature. Together.

They, they don't have to have the exact same ideas and thoughts and political bent and values and morals. they can disagree on things, but [00:24:00] they are maturing in a similar fashion. Does that make sense? I mean, they, it, it doesn't have to be this uniform growth in, in exactly the same direction, but they are.

Growing up and maturing at about the same level, and instead of cutting off each other because maybe their thoughts and and ideas are different, they are able to have.

Meaningful discourse. They can have conversations. They, they can have the difficult conversations. They can broach the hard ideas because they know who they are. They understand boundaries. They understand limits, what they can push and what they need to, to pull back on. Those are more healthy relationships, those will continue to endure.

Not all relationships are that way, right? So that's why when somebody says you've changed or you're different, what they're really talking [00:25:00] about is, I liked the old you better, and I don't know that new you improved you. I don't know that. That's going to work for me. And oftentimes that is more a reflection on them than it is on you, because the people who have our backs, who want us to be healthy and successful, they are going to champion.

Our boundaries, they're going to champion our growth. They are going to stand behind us and be cheering wildly for the person that we are becoming. That is much different than the people who don't like the boundaries, who resent them, who think that the only reason that you are setting boundaries is a personal slight on them.

Those relationships, for the most part, won't survive and. It isn't [00:26:00] because they weren't great relationships to begin with. They may have been, they may have been great, but

you don't have to stay in a relationship or a friendship just because it was great at one point, if. The relationship, the friendship is no longer serving you. The you who you are now, the different you, the one who has changed, then it is okay to love that friendship and relationship for what it was in your past and just realize it's not going to be in my life moving forward.

It could also be, I loved that relationship in the past. It can only move forward if we have some time boundaries or some spatial boundaries or there are certain topics that we can't talk about and that's okay too. That is simply new. You improved you. You who have changed, saying I [00:27:00] want to continue this relationship, but here are the ground rules and it's okay to change the ground rules over time.

I will be really interested to see how the big blonde blobs relationship, what happens in the next couple of episodes before the season is over, and I will be so interested to see if their friendship survives this Thailand experience. And if it does, then they will probably continue to have the friendship long into the future because they.

Now they know who each other is as an adult and they know who each other is in this season of life, even if it was different than was before when they were young. If on the other hand they do not part. As friends and I watching what has happened, I think that that is entirely possible. My guess is that 

this is probably the last time that they're gonna spend time [00:28:00] together, that they will have a friendship that was great when they were younger. They'll have fond memories of it, and this is probably the last time that they're gonna spend time with one another. And that's okay too. 

There's that saying that there are friends for a reason, a season and a lifetime.

I think, I don't know. I don't have it in front of me, but the reason is, you know, you needed, to learn something. You needed somebody to be there. You have a need that needs to be met or they have to assist you going through a difficult time. You know, they're, they're providing guidance or support.

 They're there for you spiritually, um, emotionally, but there, there's some reason for them to be there. 

And then the people who are into your life for a season, it's time for you to grow together or learn something together, share something and you may experience something that is [00:29:00] great, but it's only for a season.

It's only for a part of your life that you need you might learn something that you never have done before. They might push you out of a comfort zone. But they're there just for a smaller period of your time. And then of course, there's the lifetime friendships, which you're gonna love this person forever.

 They're gonna be there for a lifetime and it'll just be interesting to see

what happens on, on the white Lotus.

I think it's also interesting when we're thinking about our own lives to realize that if we've changed and if we're different, then there are some friendships and some relationships that. They're gonna fall away, and that's okay. It's okay because that friendship or that relationship was there for a reason or a season.

You keep doing, you, you keep setting those healthy boundaries. You keep focusing on your own needs and wants. That [00:30:00] doesn't make you selfish. That doesn't make you a narcissist, that doesn't make you self-absorbed. That just makes you human. Because that is such a novel concept, you know, taking care of our own needs first women in particular are going to potentially feel like they are being selfish or they're being self-absorbed, but.

You will have a relationship with yourself for a lifetime. That is the one friendship, the one relationship that you're gonna have forever. So celebrate the change, celebrate the difference, and just know that you are moving in the right direction, even if the people who have been on the journey with you thus far aren't coming along with you.

That's okay. 

I would love to hear what your thoughts are on either what's going on in White Lotus or what your experiences have been with this whole idea of the backhanded [00:31:00] compliment of you've changed or you're different. If you've had that experience, what you think that actually means about.

Your relationship or that other person. Send me a dm, take a screenshot, tag me on social. I, I would love to hear your comments. 

Thank you so much for being here this week on the School of Midlife podcast. Don't forget the free masterclass this week, and I hope I will see you for another year, so that a year from now we will be celebrating the third year of the School of Midlife podcast.

But until then, make it a great week. And I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session. Until then, take good care.

Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? [00:32:00] There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.