136. When You Finally Decide to Stop Waiting and Start Living | A Conversation with Judith Balis

In This Episode:

Midlife mindset, midlife transformation, high-achieving women, midlife identity shift, trusting yourself, bold moves in midlife, intuitive decisions, permission to change, midlife clarity, living your best life

Show Notes:
You don’t need to burn your life to the ground to build something that finally feels like you. You just need to stop waiting for permission.

In this powerful conversation, Laurie sits down with Best Life Retreat alum and  bold midlife trailblazer Judith Balis to talk about what it looks like to live a life that actually aligns with who you are—and who you’ve always been meant to be.

Judith didn’t leave everything behind. She made a series of intentional, courageous decisions that may not have made sense to anyone else…but made perfect sense to her. From launching a storefront against popular opinion to buying an apartment in Spain before her husband was quite ready, Judith is proof that midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s a chance to finally come home to yourself.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• Why you don’t need a full-blown reinvention to feel fulfilled
• The difference between people-pleasing and personal alignment
• How to move through doubt and make decisions rooted in your truth
• The quiet boldness of trusting yourself in midlife
• What happens when you stop asking for permission
• Why living your best life doesn’t have to wait until someday

Feeling Inspired?
If Judith’s story lit a fire in you—share this episode with a friend, leave a quick review, and hit subscribe so you never miss a dose of midlife real talk and reinvention.

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Transcript

When I think about a midlife woman who is making midlife her best life, Judith Baylis immediately comes to mind. This is a woman who has had an award-winning career and now splits her time between Spain and Boise, Idaho. This is a woman who is self-professed afraid of everything, risk averse, and yet she took some bold steps in the last year and a half and has been able to fill her cup in a way that earning all of the awards, raising the family, doing all the things that were expected of her. She, she's finding fulfillment in ways that she never had before.

She is forging a beautiful new chapter in her life. This episode is so full of joy and soundbites and inspiration for anyone who is [00:01:00] thinking, I'm ready to meet the woman who I was always meant to be. I'm ready to step into midlife in a big way. I'm ready to embrace the woman I am becoming, and I'm so excited about this chapter in my life.

That exactly how you're gonna feel after listening to this episode with Judith. Enjoy this conversation with Judith Baylis.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. [00:02:00] 

Laurie: Judith, welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I am so excited to have you here. This episode for me has been a long time coming because when I think of a midlife woman who is doing everything incredible in midlife , you always come to mind. So can you please introduce yourself and just tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, and we are gonna dive into all of it.

Judith: Okay. Well, thanks for having me. I'm so honored and what a nice introduction. Thank you. Um, okay. I am Judith Baylis. I, um, have been an interior designer here in Boise, Idaho for a million years. Opened a furniture store in 2021 in the middle of a pandemic. That was fun. and now I am 57 years old and trying to figure out what my next chapter is, so, um, yeah, taking some risks and doing all the weird things I [00:03:00] never dreamed of in my entire life.

Laurie: I, I am so excited to have this conversation because you are doing some really cool things, my friend. Um, okay. So you, you are an award-winning interior designer.

You won. Those of you who watch HGTV Judith won what was the competition on HGTV?

Judith: we, we joke, we call it Shazi Hiddle Shadam, but it was Show House Showdown. Um, it was a competition show a million years ago. Gosh, I think it's been like 10 years now where myself and another designer were given two identical homes and framing and we each had to completely design, furnish everything.

The homes we could redo, the insides, all the things kind of like, um, some of the competition shows on HGTV currently. And then the public comes through and votes on the one that they like the best, and then [00:04:00] there's winner. So

Laurie: is so cool. So cool. So you are, you've, you've been doing interior design for a million years? Not that long, but uh, I'm just using your words. 2021, you decide to open a brick and mortar store. Was

Judith: yeah,

Laurie: was that a long time coming? Is that something that you always had on your heart? How did that happen?

Judith: yeah. So, ah, I, you know, it's weird. I've always wanted a store. It sounds so crazy. Like even when I was a kid, I would play store constantly. I. Like sell everything to anyone who would come in. I would set up, shop, all the things, um, and just with being in the interior design world here, there was no place to shop.

Like I would have to go either buy from a big box store, which we were very limited in what we had accessible then. Or I could travel and buy things, then I could shop online. But when you're [00:05:00] buying upholstery and things for customers, they don't want to, you can't buy upholstery and not sit in it like it's a personal feel, um, right.

Laurie: agree.

Judith: Yeah, right. So I'm like, if nobody else is going to do it, then I have to do it. But that was way too terrifying to start. and I kept saying to everybody, what if I open a store? What if I open a store? And everybody kept saying, girl, no. Like retail is the worst. Do not do it. That is crazy. I asked my friends who had stores, they're all like, don't do it.

You will regret it the rest of your life. And I'm like, I don't know. And then we were driving home from McCall one day and. Um, this little shop on the side of the road, this rundown old little there was a for rent sign in the window and I made my husband pull over and we looked at it and it was, it was my first little shop. It was tiny. It was maybe like a thousand, maybe square feet, maybe 800. Um, and I'm like, I'm gonna do it. [00:06:00] My rent was $500. So I'm like, I have nothing to lose. 

Laurie: What's the worst that could happen? It's $500. 

Judith: Totally. If it doesn't, it doesn't, and I can check the box and be done and get this out of my system completely.

Um, so I did. I signed the lease and started buying things and. Worked day and night painting and doing all the things and, um, opened my doors and I, I don't know what I thought. I guess I thought that I would just fill it with pretty things and people would come in and we would chat and it would just look that way all the time.

Well, my grand opening, I had a line down the sidewalk to come in. Everybody came in and cleaned me out and I had no stock. I had to close my doors in two days because I had no stock. Like they literally cleaned me out. So I'm like, okay, I should probably order more things. Um, and it and that grew and then space next door, which was like four [00:07:00] times the size came available. So I moved into that space and then we started carrying little bits of furniture. Um, and it just grew and grew and grew into this beautiful thing that was really more, um, community. I, I can't explain it. It's just this weird, I'm gonna cry.

Um, I dunno. Like people would come in on Saturdays and meet their friends there. Or they would see a neighbor that they hadn't seen in a long time, and they would sit down on the and have a coffee and a conversation and it was this incredible thing. Um, but it just kept growing. And so I'm like, what if we went like big?

Like what if we did a real furniture store. 'cause I couldn't carry very much there. It was very tiny. I couldn't keep back stock really. I couldn't bring furniture in 'cause it was just like a little door. Um, and then I found the space on Fairview and Cole, where we are now, that's 14,000 square feet. 

Laurie: [00:08:00] Much bigger. Yep. 

Judith: Yeah, right. So I went from like a thousand to 14,000, um, in the middle of a pandemic with no supply chain whatsoever. And, um, we just kinda figured it out. We just failed forward day after day after day. And here we are, five years later, four years later. Yeah.

Laurie: I wanna go back to that little Feather + Twine though, because I was one of the people who was in the line snaking out the door on on that first day. And I think you said it beautifully. I mean, when I think of that little shop, it, it was all about community for me. I

mean, yes, you could go in and you could find some incredible gifts or some

lovely, um, decor items.

That was

Judith: I'm a crier.

Laurie: Yeah, that's okay. Crying is fine. Um, but it was just this lovely sense of it. It was almost like, Cheers For women, right. You know, you go in, everyone knows your name, [00:09:00] you're talking to people. And because it was during the pandemic,

most of, like, we were getting to know people online in a way that we never had before.

And so then when the restrictions lifted, it was just a, a like the nicest little place to hang out. It just, it made you feel so good when you were in there.

Judith: It shocked me what that place did. I thought, you know, I was gonna open a store and sell some pretty things, right. But I, I, I was not prepared for what it actually was. The stuff was inconsequential. It was that beautiful magic that happened when we would open our doors on a Saturday and people would like meet their friends there and hang out.

I don't, I can't explain it, but I, you know, I knew when I opened the big store, I didn't wanna lose that. And when you grow, there's always growing pain. So obviously we couldn't be that, but we still get people that come [00:10:00] in that will just meet a friend or they'll just, they're having a bad day, So they come in for a little retail therapy.

They just wanna be loved up a little bit. And you know, every single staff meeting I have with my staff and I have an amazing staff, they're all incredible. But every single meeting I have with them, I am say the exact same thing over again over and over again. I'm like you. The way you respond to our customers when they walk in the store can make or break somebody's day.

And when that person walks in the door, I want you to greet them like they're your best, long lost friend. And that it doesn't matter if there's a sale or no sale. If you can make somebody feel seen and heard. Like you've done you've done a good job. And if they wanna buy a sofa, great. And they're probably gonna buy it from you because you are now somebody that's, you know, touched their lives in a way.

You're not just someone trying to get a sale, which I would never, you know, want that energy ever. It's just [00:11:00] so we're trying to bring the little Feather + Twine magic into Bungalow now, but it's just, it's a much bigger, it's a much bigger scenario.

Laurie: I, I think you're succeeding for sure, as someone who has shopped both stores. Um, I, they're, they're wonderful. They're great

resources in this market, and like you said, we, there aren't a lot.

Judith: I know. Yeah.

Laurie: and it's, um. You just, when you walk in, you feel appreciated. It's a lovely, it's a lovely feeling.

Um, I,

and, and you know, if I'm out driving around on a Saturday and I happen to be in town and I do feel like I need a little pick me up, I will stop by and at least buy one of the incredible candles because, like, to make me, to make me feel better. And I.

Judith: I love that

Laurie: I think what's so interesting about what you have created is you had people who, who [00:12:00] said to you, don't do retail, but you did re retail on your own terms.

I mean,

you weren't, you weren't open 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM seven days a week. You know, it was,

it was this Feather + Twine is open this weekend. I gotta make sure that I'm in town. And, you know, it, it was a, it was a big deal.

Judith: yeah. It was fun. Um, yeah, and I kind of liked not being open every day because it created this kind of excitement, you know? Um, we were only open. I think at first, like three days every other week or something like Thursday, Fri, I don't even remember what it was. It's evolved into so many different things and I loved that because people came, the same people would come every single time we were open.

And I loved that because then people started to feel like family, you know? It was totally Cheers like Norm, but was Cheers for women. I think you said it beautifully. Um, yeah, that was magical. Truly magical. But yeah, did it on my terms, but [00:13:00] weird. I don't know what I'm doing.

Laurie: Beautiful. Not weird. Beautiful. We go from a small store to large furniture store.

Judith: yeah.

Laurie: Is that still feeling like part of your, your dream or because it's such a big leap, did it ever feel like, eh, like this is a little heavier than I wanna take on?

Judith: Sometimes. Yeah, there are. There are days, like yesterday I had a day and I'm like, what am I doing? Like why am I doing this to myself? This is crazy. I am almost 60 years old. Why am I torturing myself? I mean, there's just stuff coming at you every day and you know when you come from that sweet little nugget of Feather + Twine where everything is cute and lovely and everybody just loves each other.

You know, the sofa comes in and the cushions are wrong, and the fabric is wrong, and somebody's mad about this, and someone's mad about that, and they're coming at you all day. You're just like, oh my God. What have, what have I [00:14:00] done? 

Laurie: This is not what I signed up for.

Judith: Right, but then you still get to connect with those people and you're like, okay, this is what I'm doing.

Or people will message me and be like, you know, I just, I have to come in, you know, once a week just to like, it's my happy place. And I'm like, okay, we're doing something right. You know? So still trying to keep the magic but navigate like the reality of what this business has become, um, and trying to figure out where I fit in on a totally separate personal level from all of this, right? Like not from a work perspective, not from a career building perspective, but from a, um, like who am I and what do I want as I'm approaching 60? Like, what is this next part of my life going to look like?

Laurie: I love that.

I, 

Judith: we'll see.

Laurie: I have lost your video. Oh, now it's back. Okay.

Judith: There we are. Yeah, I was doing too many hand gestures. The thing said, [00:15:00] I think I waved it. I.

Laurie: with my hands all the time, and then I'm hitting the microphone and whatever. Um, okay. I want to pivot just a little bit. I wanna go in a slightly different direction with you because I, I am so inspired by you just taking the bull by the horns and creating this magical midlife for yourself. Was your first trip to Spain ever, was that three years ago, four years ago, or had you been before?

Judith: No, I had never been to Spain before. Um, and then my husband and I went three years ago on a little vacation. And you know, I've been to Italy, I've been to Paris. I've been to, you know, I've done the Europe thing, which I love. But I think it was the timing of like when this trip hit in my. Midlife journey, I guess it was, um, you know, both of my kids [00:16:00] had left the nest. Um, I had lost both of my parents, and I am in my mid fifties now, and I'm like, okay, as I'm looking around, like I've raised the kids, I've built the business, I've done the marriage, I've done all the things I'm supposed to do, and here I am. And when we were there this time, um, it just felt, you know, when you walk into something you're like, this just feels right.

I can't explain it. It, it just, it hit me and I'm like, I, this, I just need to be here and. I will admit, I am a Zillow junkie, so wherever I go on vacation, the first thing I'm doing when my husband falls asleep is I am online. You know, looking at how can I live here? Like I, I will admit that is me, but this one is.

This was totally different. This wasn't just, um, this [00:17:00] is a really fun vacation. This like rocked me to my core and it really didn't hit me until I got back home to the US again into my real life. And I had this weird, like, I don't fit here anymore. Like something, I need to make some changes. Something is, is not.

My, my skin doesn't feel right on me anymore. I have to, I have to shift, and I don't know what that means for me, but I know it's something really big. Um, and I was just obviously freshly into Bungalow, so I couldn't just like, you know, burn the place down and go to Europe, you know, it's just not gonna work that way.

Um, and I just didn't know, like I didn't know what that was, but that trip ruined me, and that's all I could think about. Literally every single day was. How observing the people there in Europe in general, but in Spain there's that tranquillo lifestyle that they talk about where they [00:18:00] have their afternoon siesta.

It's no joke. They do, but it's a, it's different. It's not lazy. It's, um, their values are different there. It's totally intentional. It's it's self preservation, it's rest, it's community, it's connection. Um, they take a three hour lunch and that's nothing. That's just normal. It's what you do there. Um, in the evenings you see everybody's out strolling.

You see little old ladies sitting in the piazza, you know, um, just sitting on the bench chatting and sharing their day and. Holding hands or holding each other, you know, linked in arms and just walking and talking and it's just so beautiful. And then you come back here and you're in your car and you're like eating your lunch while driving and you know, on a phone call onto your next appointment.

And it's the hustle culture and sure it's served me [00:19:00] well up to this point, but it doesn't suit me anymore. You know? Um, there they value community and connection. And here we value being busy, you know? Oh, I'm so busy. Everybody likes to tell you how busy they are. I'm so busy I can't do this. I'm so busy.

Oh, if I weren't so busy. And, um, we get our identity from that busyness, from what we do, not who we are. And it just like punched me in the face when I got back. Um, that's just not what I want in my life anymore. So I have to figure out how I can work that in and still have what I am working in the chapter that I'm in currently, which is this brand new business.

And, you know, I still have a life here. Um. So, yeah, that was a tricky one. I thought, oh, I'll just start doing, um, [00:20:00] Tuesdays with friends, and that was what I was going to do, and I was just going to send an email out to everybody on my friend list that I just love, but don't make the time to spend time with.

And I would just make a big pot of stew or whatever, and my door was open. And on Tuesdays at six o'clock, if you felt like stopping by, stop by. And we'll just hang out. I never did it. Not once. Not ever once. I talked about it a lot 

Laurie: I love the idea, of that. I mean, writing down, okay. Uh, yes.

Judith: Tuesdays with friends and you just say, you know, stop by tonight.

I've made a big thing of spaghetti. Anybody who wants to come by, come by. Um, but I couldn't make myself here. this world that I live in, my, my world of Boise and bungalow, and this mindset, even though I knew I wanted to make the change, I couldn't make the change in this physical [00:21:00] environment because I couldn't shift my brain and I can't explain it.

Um, so I'm like, I said to my husband, I'm like, I think I need to just move to Spain. He's like, what? Like what do you, what? Okay, 

Laurie: As husbands do, like, 

Judith: Right? He's like, 

Laurie: you talking about?

Judith: Right. And I, like, I, I am just crying. Like every day I'm like, I, I, this, I, I, something's wrong. Like I gotta go figure this thing out.

And he's like, well, I'm not ready to retire. And I'm like, I'm not really ready to retire. I just gotta like, I need some head space to kind of jump into like, who, who am I at 55 or 56 or 57 or 60? Like, life is going fast and um, you know, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not the person I was in my forties or my thirties or my twenties.

I am this totally different entity and I'm entering into a chapter [00:22:00] that I truly, for the first time in a really long time, get to write every single page in my life story exactly the way I want it. Right? I'm not raising the kids, I'm not building a career. I'm not proving myself, I'm not, you know, creating something.

Um, I've done all of those things and now. I am just looking in the mirror and I am like, Hey girl, nice to meet you, but who the hell are you? You know?

Um, so yeah, so we bought an apartment in Barcelona and I packed my bags. I've never once traveled abroad by myself, ever. That's terrifying. I don't speak a word of Spanish.

I studied French in high school. I, I should go to France with you sometime. I know. Um, and I just terrifyingly [00:23:00] did it all by myself. I said to my husband, I'm going for six weeks. 

Laurie: that two years ago?

Judith: it was last October.

Laurie: amazing. I mean the, the traction that you

Judith: I know.

Laurie: I love it. I love it. Okay, so last October you buy an apartment. You go to Spain, not speaking any Spanish. Pick it up from there. Tell us

Judith: Yes. Yeah. Didn't know a soul, don't speak a word of Spanish. Have an apartment with no furniture. I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to say anything. Um, and so I, I cried for like two weeks prior, every single day before I went. I'm like, what have I done? Like, what, what am I doing?

What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this? And I'm like, girl, you just gotta go. Like, something just kept pulling me and I'm like, okay, we're just gonna go. So I brought my three giant suitcases with me and I land in Barcelona. And I'm like, shit, now [00:24:00] what?

Laurie: Right.

Judith: to my apartment And I had met a lady when we were looking at apartments there, um, who, um, remodels apartments and then for investors, and she'll like sometimes furnish them and they'll use them as long-term rentals.

So I didn't end up buying her apartment, but I had her number and I reached out to her and I'm like, Hey, Myra, can you help me like figure out how to furnish this thing? I don't know anything. She's like, oh, sure. She's this little Irish lady. I love her. She's lived in Barcelona for 10 years. She says things like, oh, bloody hell.

And I just, oh, I wanna eat her for 

Laurie: Yeah. 

Judith: the cutest. Um, so she got me, like all of our furniture was back ordered. I picked things out. She would send me the links to the stores where she could get things. Um, I would pick things out. Half our stuff was back ordered. So I showed up. I had a mattress on the floor and I had a chair.

Um. And that was kind of it. And um, I [00:25:00] remember, 

Laurie: cry more? Like, what am I doing? Or were would, did it still kind of feel like. I, this is where I need to be.

Judith: no, I was 

Laurie: okay. 

Judith: I didn't wanna leave my apartment. I didn't even know how to use the lock on my apartment door 'cause they don't have 

Laurie: Oh, no, I know. 

Judith: this weird, like, I don't even know how to get out of my 

Laurie: Yeah. 

Judith: It, everything was terrifying and I, I've literally spent my life being afraid of things.

I know that sounds weird to people when I say that because I've taken risks and opened businesses, but I've always felt like I've had kind of a safety net, if that makes sense. Like I, I, I take very calculated risks, like I didn't, well, Bungalow was a big one. I literally had no money left. Like I lost everything opening Bungalow, but with a prayer.

Um, but I, I, I've always been afraid to just do the world as me, [00:26:00] period. Not as somebody's wife, not as somebody's mother, not as somebody's something, just me. Um, and here I was in this foreign country, just me. And I am like, sh girl, you better figure this shit out. So I made myself leave.

I had, I landed at like 8:00 PM There was no food, there was nothing. I don't know, I was afraid to go to a restaurant because I don't know how to order food. So I'm like, I'm just gonna run to the little market on the corner and just get some water and something to eat for dinner. And they were closing in like 10 minutes.

And I'm like, oh God. So I go in and I couldn't find anything and I didn't know how to ask and everything's in Spanish and I so. I couldn't find the water and all I could find, I'm like, oh, Coke Zero. I recognized the Coke label. So I grabbed like a six pack of Coke and I got some cheese and some salami, and I go to check out and she's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah in Spanish.

And I'm like, I don't know what she's saying. And, [00:27:00] and so she was asking me if I wanted a bag and I didn't know, and I panicked and I'm like, huh, no. And I just like pay and I grab all my things and I walk, oh my two blocks with my groceries and I'm also terrified of elevators. And I'm on the third floor, which is actually the fourth floor in Spain.

I won't get in the elevator. So I walk up four flights of stairs holding my random groceries, and I made it into my apartment and I just sat down and I just cried and cried and I'm like, oh my God. Like what have I done? But I was also so proud of myself for just like, being there, right? It was wild. But I have to say, you know, 'cause I, I doubted myself tremendously for weeks when I first got there.

Um, but two things that were magical happened to me. One, I told myself I'm going to say yes to everything. Um, which is not like me. I'm an instant no girl. Um, I'm an only child. I like [00:28:00] my alone time. I'm not a social person, which is also shocking to people. Um, I hate a party where I don't know a ton of people.

Um, and so I enrolled myself in Spanish immersion school. So I went five days a week for four hours a day, and my school has excursions in the evenings. You could join if you wanted to. And one of them my first night there was, um, it was not the night I landed, but that next day you could go on a walking tour with the school in the evening.

And we went up to this top of this mountain where this cathedral is, which overlooked the whole valley. I was tired. I, I didn't wanna meet new people. I was terrified I was gonna be this weird old lady and everybody was gonna be 20 and. They're like, what are you doing? I just, the fear of judgment and failure and like all the things, right?

Um, but I'm like, dude, say yes. And so like five minutes before they were supposed to leave, I clicked the [00:29:00] yes button and I walked down there. I met the most lovely people that night. We just walked and talked from all over the world. We became fast friends. I hung out with them like every day. Great friends from Germany and France and Japan and, um, Istanbul, like all these beautiful people of all ages.

And I got home that night just feeling so like full and joyous and, um. Sorry. It was, ugh, it was amazing. Um, and then the next day, you know, I got up again and I'm like, okay, feeling anxious again. And I was listening to opera and I don't listen to opera often, hardly. I can't think of the last time I listened to opera, but I'm like, I don't know why, but I feel like listening to opera.

So I'm in my apartment and I'm listening to opera and it just like felt like such a [00:30:00] magical, beautiful, weird moment. And then I went out to get some more groceries. I kind of figured some things out this time. And when I got back, I have those quintessential European, the big French doors, you know, with the balcony.

I opened my doors. And my neighbors, because we share like a big outdoor courtyard, um, in Spain, the area that I'm in called Eixample all the homes, all the buildings are built in a square and then the squares, the blocks share a center opening courtyard. Anyway, I open my doors and my neighbors are playing opera and I'm like, oh, hi pops.

Um, so I'm like, this is a sign from the universe. 

Laurie: very excited about the opera 

Judith: Oh, me too.

Laurie: Sorry about that.

Judith: Like, no, it, it was just a sign that like, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. This is a little gift. I'm such a big believer in universal signs [00:31:00] and symbols and guides and, um, they're just like, see, I see you. You're welcome here.

You like, I don't know what made me listen to opera that day, but the fact that I opened my doors later that evening and my neighbors were listening to opera also, it wa it's a weird, and I know it sounds like I'm reaching, but it to me gave me like, okay, you're gonna be okay.

Laurie: I, I am a firm believer in the laws of synchronicity, the, the, universal law of attraction. I mean, the older I get, the more wooey I get, which I'm totally good with. Um, I love everything about this story. Maybe because I see like the the potential for me to do something like that. I mean, it's, it's so wonderful when you see somebody go ahead of you doing just , just such inspiring, incredible things.

It, it makes, [00:32:00] it makes those of us who haven't done it yet feel like it's possible for us. I think

Judith: It's terrifying. And to see somebody go through it who is also terrifying, who's just like you and come out, not only okay, but better like that six weeks in Spain by myself being incredibly uncomfortable every second of every day did more for me than 800 years of therapy will ever do. I can't explain it.

It was cathartic. It was amazing. Yeah. So I highly recommend,

Laurie: So in a year you have been back how many times?

Judith: I try to go back for at least a month, every quarter. So I've \been back 1, 2, 2 times, three times, three times I think, and I'm heading back this next month again.

Laurie: And do you still feel that sort of sense of community and connection that [00:33:00] you did that very first trip?

Judith: Yeah. Um, it's interesting because it changes a lot, but you start to a, get routines, you know, like I have my special coffee shop. I have my restaurant, I have my walking route that I do. I still, every time I'm there, I enroll myself in that immersion school again. Um, it's such a beautiful way to meet people and people that you would not a normally meet from all over the world.

B maybe you wouldn't even seek them out to be friends with. I have friends that are 23 years old, you know, I love them. I love them. I love watching their lives. Were all friends, we've all stayed connected on Instagram and through a group chat, and it's just so beautiful to see these people that you kind of trauma bond with in a way, you know, because you're all there like, what am I doing?

I don't know anything. You're all [00:34:00] kind of in this shared experience together. Um, and to see them like go out into their lives and into the world and kind of know them on this intimate level, it's such a beautiful thing to have that connection with these strangers essentially. Um, so yeah, when I go back, I still do that and every time I meet somebody new there, that just like owns a little part of my heart.

And then my friend Myra has become a very dear friend to me, um, there. And so she's just totally taken me under her wing and showed me around and helped me through some rough spots and takes me to all of these amazing, like vintage junk places that I would never, and that's my love language is treasure hunting, right?

So we go antiquing to other villages. I mean, it's magical. It's so fun.

Um, and we [00:35:00] also pitched a show to HGTV this last month, um, because I just bought a second apartment in Barcelona that, um, we're gonna do a total gut job remodel on and bring it back to its 1920s glory. Um, so yeah, that was kind of fun.

So we got in front of the producers and they ended up not biting, but I think I might end up doing a YouTube channel or something for that. So we'll see.

Laurie: Absolutely.

Judith: can follow along? 

Laurie: And, and maybe someone else will pick it up.

Judith: Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. 

Laurie: Um. Your husband, is he as enamored with Spain and the life there as as you are?

Judith: You know, it, it, Hmm. Yes and no. He's coming around. My husband is very, um, very Type A, he, and he has ADD in the best possible way. He's so high functioning, like literally, I have walked in. [00:36:00] The man is doing an Excel spreadsheet reading a legal document. He's got an ear pod in on a Zoom call with one person, and he is in a board meeting on another call.

I'm like, H how does your brain, like, I can't even do one thing if there's a squirrel. I'm, you know, gone. He, he's amazing. So loves working. He loves being busy. He does not sit down until it's the end of the day and then he is out cold. He just gets up and he goes and he's out. Um, he will never stop working.

I am ready for this new chapter of a little more balance in my life. A little slower. I wanna travel. I wanna take dance lessons in every country. I wanna take cooking classes in every country. I wanna meet every single person from every country. Um, so he'll come for like four days to Spain with me.

Laurie: way to go for

four days. 

Judith: a, I know he's [00:37:00] trying, 

Laurie: Yeah. Yeah. 

Judith: his effort to show me that he's, he's trying, he'll never slow down.

So, um, we've just kind of figured out this navigation of how to make that happen. But it, um. I mean, it, it's weird in this chapter of life, right? When, you know, you spend these chapters on the exact same trajectory, with the same goals, with the same path. You're raising kids together, you're building a home, you're building businesses, you're having these friendships, you're, you know, taking care of aging parents, um, all of these things, and you're on this shared trajectory.

And then all of a sudden the kids are grown, the careers are built, um, and one of you will inevitably start thinking about life in a different way. And the other one's not quite there yet. That's kind of where we are. Um, and we had to have [00:38:00] some really deep conversations about what this next chapter looks like and.

You know, if we are seeing this next chapter in different ways, does that still work for us as a married couple of 25 years? Right. Um, so we had to do a lot of digging and soul searching and um, you know, I think we came to the conclusion that we've built something really beautiful. Our foundation is very strong.

We have great respect and love for one another, and even though our minds are, you know, kind of in different as far as what we want our sixties to look like. He's, he's working his way there. It's just gonna take him a little longer to get there. I'm already there, like I've moved on, but we love each other and respect each other enough to understand that and meet each [00:39:00] other where we are and keep supporting each other where we are.

Um, so it's been really good for us. But he's not ready to like burn it all to the ground and move to Spain with me. I'm not exactly sure I'm ready to do it 100% full-time either. I do, I still love my friends and my life and my kids and my, my things here, but um, I know that I have to take that time now to fill that part for myself and myself only, and that's okay. Um, and to give myself permission to do that, that's weird. Um, because I think as women, we really spend the bulk of our life fitting into other people's expectations of us or we, we make it feel like it's our expectation of us too. Somehow. I, I can't explain it.

It's just, it's a [00:40:00] weird, like you do what you need to do at the time, and a lot of it you have to put yourself on the back burner in order to do the right thing by the people that you love at the time. And then you get to this point in life where the people that you love are good, they're solid. They've got their own thing going on, and you get to step back and really just figure out like, like we started the conversation, who am I now?

Like, who do I want to be? Who do, what do I want to do? What do I want my life to look like? What do I want my day to look like? Wow. You know, without all the expectations on you of what somebody else puts on you for what your day in life should look like. So it's been an interesting journey to say the least.

Laurie: Thank you so much for so openly sharing that. There are so many women [00:41:00] that are experiencing the exact same thing

Judith: Totally,

Laurie: you know, we have, we've built these lives and they're great lives for

Judith: totally. Yes.

Laurie: but. We, we also get to a point where we, we kind of wanna go in a slightly different direction. We wanna explore some different pieces of our selves and our life, and

sometimes that's really hard for our long-term partners to understand

that, you know, aren't we happy here?

Haven't we built this great life? It's yes, and

we have a great life, but what else could we potentially do together or

do not together and still be supportive of each other?

Judith: Right. Yeah, that's the tricky part, right? I just, you know, I lost my parents. They were young, they were in their sixties, and I'm rapidly approaching 60, like rapidly. My husband turns 60 next year. Um, and. I don't want to [00:42:00] wait until I retire to live my life. I'm never going to be as young as I am now, as healthy as I am now, as vivacious as I am now.

Um, what am I waiting for? Like, stop waiting. That's really what hit me. Stop. Stop waiting. What are you waiting for? Tomorrow may not come. It just might not. So what are you gonna do with that today? What does that look like for you? And you may not have all the answers, but take one step in the direction of something uncomfortable, of something that could possibly bring you immense joy.

Um, even though it's scary, you can always try it. If it doesn't work, move on to something else, but try it.

Laurie: You are preaching to the choir. I want to just print t-shirts with all of these golden nuggets that you were throwing out. They are incredible. Um, I. I also lost my dad in his [00:43:00] sixties. Um, uh, he had a heart attack and died at 66. His mother had a heart attack and died at 66. I'm not laughing 'cause it's funny.

It's

Judith: No. Yeah. 

Laurie: Um, do you think that you would be in this place where you are trying to figure out who you are now if you wouldn't have experienced that loss?

Judith: Probably not. You know, I think, um, that was a huge wake up call for me. Huge. You know, my mom was very young. She had me when she was 18, so I'm not that far off in age. You know, she died 10 years ago. I'm eight years away from that. Um, battled cancer for four long, grueling years, miserable. All she wanted to do was retire and travel.

And as I, I experienced that with her, um, and how she couldn't do those things and how her final part of her life [00:44:00] was miserable and how she regretted missing out on those beautiful experience. 'cause she was waiting for that someday. And then my dad got cancer at the same time, so both of 'em were like going through it and I'm like, I no, I, I'm not, what am I waiting for?

Laurie: you're an only child,

Judith: yes. Right. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not doing this anymore. I like, I need to reclaim my life. For me, I need to stop waiting. I need to stop being afraid of my own shadow. I need to get out of my own way and just go for it. The only thing I have to lose is by missing out and not trying. Right? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

But if I don't do it, I don't wanna be 80 years old looking back at my life filled with regret of the should. It would've could as I just. I'm not doing, I'm not living my life that way anymore, period.

Laurie: [00:45:00] Boom. I, I don't know how to say it any better. I don't know how to wrap it up in a better bow than that. I just, that it's so incredible. I appreciate you being so open and this, this is, this is incredible.

Anything else you would love to share our, with our listeners that we haven't talked about that would inform kind of how you are moving through the world now as you're trying to figure out what's next for me.

Who am I?

Judith: Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, I really don't know. I, I, and it, it's, it's a different journey for everybody, right? This was my personal journey. These are the things that. I've experienced and that I needed to do for me. But it may look totally different for you or somebody else. But I think the one truly, the one thing I, I've said it like 15 times now, but I'm gonna say it again, is just do it.

Take the risk, take the chance. Jump in with both feet. Don't look, just [00:46:00] do it and see what happens. Like you, you'll find like strength and beauty and things in yourself that you had no idea were in there and it's the most incredible, magnificent feeling. It's empowering, it's amazing. And as you are aging and we start fearing what's to come, especially as women, as you know, we all start kind of falling apart and menopause and all the things. Damn girl. Like this is your chance. Get out there. This is your power pocket. Like get in there and try it all. Don't be afraid.

Laurie: I, I couldn't love that more. Um, everything we do at the School of Midlife is, is about seizing the opportunity and really making it count and, and just trying some things because. Just because you try something, it might not be for you, but at least you know, instead [00:47:00] of delaying it, waiting for retirement, waiting for someday, or the time is perfect, just toe dip.

You don't have to move to Spain forever, but maybe you could go for six weeks and see if you like it. Try it on for size. 

Judith: Yeah. Yeah. Do something on your own. I mean, that's the really scary part because I, I think, again, as women, we kind of wrap our identity in our family a lot of times, and take yourself out of that for just a day a week and make a day with yourself. Take yourself to the movie. Go to dinner in a movie by yourself.

I mean, start there. See what that feels like. It feels uncomfortable at first, but then you're like, I can watch whatever I want. I want to eat whatever I want. I have like great company for myself. I think you'll find incredible power and energy and, and just, um, being your own best friend. Sometimes it's not a bad thing.

Laurie: not at all. No, I. [00:48:00] Not at all. It's, it's, it's, it's a great thing, In fact. You, this conversation honestly has it, it feels just like walking into one of your stores. The, the

connection, the community, just the, you just feel better. I always feel better after I'm around you Judith, you are just a, a gem of a 

Judith: make my water works 

Laurie: No, no, no, no, no. Nope. We end every episode of the School of Midlife with the same two questions. Number one is if you could go back to your 20-year-old self, knowing everything that you know now, having the experiences, all the wisdom that you have accumulated, what advice would you give her?

Judith: Um, you are gonna be just fine. You are gonna be just fine. Stop worrying about everything.

Laurie: I

think that, that, that's great advice for every part of our life. Right? It's gonna work out. You're gonna be fine. Yeah. 

Judith: Maybe not how you [00:49:00] planned, but it's gonna work out.

Laurie: Love that. Uh, and then finally, what have you loved most about being a midlife woman?

Judith: Um, just reconnecting with me again for the first time in a long time. And, um, yeah, it's uncomfortable and weird, but it's really incredible. Really incredible.

Laurie: What a great experience. I, I've absolutely loved this episode. Thank you so much for being

so 

Judith: for having 

Laurie: Sharing your story. I know that that women are going to just fan girl out about you as much as I do. You're such an inspiration,

Judith: Aw,

Laurie: you so much for being

Judith: you're so kind. All right. Thank you, Laurie. Always great chatting with you. Until next time.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest [00:50:00] favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

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