170. The Post-Retreat Hangover: Why Your New Life Disappears on Monday (and What to Do Instead)

Cracking the Code on Post-Retreat Momentum

Have you ever returned from an incredible vacation or a work conference feeling completely inspired, only to have that "glow" evaporate the moment you hit the reality of traffic, laundry, and a jam-packed calendar? In this episode, Laurie Reynoldson gets raw about a "bananas" week that served as a major wake-up call. 

Laurie explores the common trap of the "retreat high" and why three and a half days—no matter how magical—isn't enough to rewire decades of habits when life starts "lifeing" the moment you get home. She reveals her newly "cracked code" for maintaining profound change: a framework that marries the deep work of a retreat with ongoing, high-level support. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The Post-Retreat Reality Check: Why your new dreams can’t mature in a single weekend without a bridge back to your everyday life. 
• The "Personal Board of Directors": How a small, trusted cohort of peers acts as a safety net when you’re tempted to slide back into your old "reaction mode." 
• Retreat 1.0 vs. 2.0: The difference between "Vision Casting" (who am I now?) and "Shore-Up Tools" (boundaries, limiting beliefs, and human design). 
• The Nine-Month "Birth": Why a school-term-length container is the secret to "birthing" a completely new version of yourself. 
• Personal Leadership Development: Moving beyond just "work skills" to a global umbrella that integrates your career success with your life’s fulfillment. 

Special Announcement: The Best Life Mastermind

Laurie is officially introducing a nine-month, intimate leadership experience launching this September.  Limited to just 10 women, this "personal board of directors" includes:

• Two In-Person Retreats: Kicking off in Sun Valley and regrouping at the Civana Wellness Resort in Arizona. 
• Monthly Support & Coaching: Consistent touchpoints to solve real-time issues and celebrate breakthroughs. 
• No-Asshole Policy: A curated, safe space where every woman is seen and supported. 

Get on the Waitlist: Waitlist members get first access to apply and a private preview call before applications open to the public on June 1st. 

• Link: schoolofmidlife.com/mastermind-list 

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Transcript

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Hello my friends. Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. I am so excited to have you back here with me today. I am going to talk about the retreat. I know I did that in last week's episode. I was fresh back from the Best Life Retreat in [00:01:00] Carefree, Arizona, just north of Scottsdale at an incredible place called Civana Wellness Resort and Spa. Award-winning absolutely magical. Loved it. Loved it, loved it.

That's what we talked about in last week's episode. This week we're gonna talk about something a little different. Yes, retreats are amazing. We're gonna talk a little bit about that, but what, what do you do after you get home from the retreat? And the week that I had this week is a perfect example of why you actually need a framework to continue all of the magic and the goodness that happened during the retreat once you get back home.

So. That's, that's where we're going. That's where we're headed. Buckle up. 'Cause we're gonna go fast.

I flew home and, and I'm trying to remember how much of this I shared on last week's episode. I don't think much because I was really in the throes of it at the time and I, [00:02:00] I needed over the weekend honestly, to take a step back and actually figure out, okay, what just happened?

The retreat wrapped at 11:00 AM on Sunday morning. I was on a flight back to Boise at two o'clock on Sunday, which meant I had to check outta the hotel, make sure everyone's rooms had been taken care of. Because of course, when you go to the Best Life retreat, everything is taken care of. All of the food, the beverages, the spa treatments, everything that you have billed to your room, I need to make sure that that gets paid for.

'cause that's all part of the package. Okay? So I gotta get everybody checked outta their rooms. I've got to get in the rental car. Find a place to get gas. Return the rental car. Get on the train. Take the train to the airport, go through security. Get on the flight [00:03:00] three hours to do that, and it's probably 45 minutes from Civana to the airport on a good day.

And Sunday should be a good day because you know, there's no traffic to speak of except tons and tons of construction on the freeway. Like at the very end of the journey. So I'm, I'm probably four or five miles to the rental car return place and literally stopped on the interstate. And I'm kind of looking at my watch, getting a little nervous.

'cause I, I know I've got some ground to cover still before I get on the plane. Normally I would not end a retreat at 11:00 AM and then get on an airplane three hours later. Usually, I have the luxury of actually taking a beat, having a nice lunch where I can just relax and not think of [00:04:00] anything, and then I oftentimes will go get a massage because I don't treat myself while the retreat's going on.

I wanna make sure everything is, is happening as it should. But I like to have a little downtime to just decompress a little because when you're hosting a retreat, even if you're hosting it with somebody else like I was this time, it's still a lot of energy. Especially people like me who I, I can be very extroverted when I need to be. Recharging, decompressing.

I like to do that on my own, like I need some alone time. I need to kind of step back away from things to recharge. Well, couldn't do that this time because Mike was leaving for a business trip on Sunday afternoon, which meant I needed to get back to take care of Theo. And I loved Theo. I'd been gone for five days.

Of course I wanted to get home, but I, it was much faster than I wanted to get home. And because I was kind [00:05:00] of in a hurry, especially when I hit that traffic, the retreat, glow, all of the goodness that happened at the retreat. It was almost gone before I got on that plane. Because not only was their traffic on the way to the airport, the airport itself was a complete zoo.

I feel like everyone and their brother, they were all flying out of Phoenix Sunday afternoon. Now, there had been some high winds in Phoenix, which actually they, there was a ground stop issued earlier in the day, and so I don't know if they were just kind of trying to catch up on getting some planes in and out that were backed up on a backlog.

But suffice it to say it was a pretty hairy, pretty chaotic, a little kind of nerve wracking three hours between giving everyone hugs and wishing them well and being just heartful of gratitude for this incredible experience that we had [00:06:00] to, oh my God, am I gonna be at home on time? And of course, I have to get home on time because I, I have to feed my dog and blah, blah.

Right? I made it home on time. Theo, and I went for this lovely walk. It was great. Why am I bringing this up? Well one, before I even got on the airplane, all of my focus and clarity and all of the good juju that I had built up for the retreat, gone. And then, then here's what happens. Life had a way of lifeing last week. My schedule last week was bananas.

I have the luxury of working from home. I have the ability to schedule meetings so that I, I have enough time to, you know, I've got time to take the calls that I need to take, the meetings that I need to take. I, I should really, most of the time I'm in very [00:07:00] much control of my own schedule.

Last week was a complete throwback to me because I used to be in this very harried space where I would almost wear crazy busy, like a badge of honor. Like, look at how busy I am. Aren't I great? I'm accomplishing all these things. I am doing everything that I should for everyone else, and I'm getting it all done with a smile on my face.

My calendar hasn't been that way in a long time by choice because I have really wanted to carve out the time that I need to carve out. Like in the mornings, my preferred schedule is no meetings, no calls before 1:00 PM. That gives me time to get up in the morning and do my workout and take Theo for a long walk and listen to podcasts. And I, I'm finishing writing a book right now, so I like to have an hour of writing time and I, I have [00:08:00] very routine mornings.

Which means I hit the ground running at like one o'clock in the afternoon and then I work straight through until dinnertime and sometimes after dinner. But that's when I'm really creative. That's when I put on my work hat and I just bust things out. I love it so much. It has been it schedule that I never knew I needed.

I always thought, you know, you had to be up at like five o'clock in the morning so that you could get to the gym before six and get your workout in early. And turns out you don't have to do that. Turns out you can actually set some time boundaries that protect the way that you want to live and work. And I've gotten really good at setting and holding those time boundaries.

But sometimes even with the best intentions, even with the strong muscle boundary strength that I have built up, and the resilience and the [00:09:00] discernment and all of those muscles that I had to develop over time, sometimes I have a we Most of my mornings. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

So four out of the five weeks last, uh, four out of the five days. Last week started at 7 o'clock or 7:30 AM Um, those meetings were not at my house. So I also had to get up, get outta bed, get showered, get ready, do a quick walk because I walk every single morning, regardless of what else I've got going on.

Sometimes it's just a quick five, 10 minute walk around the block. But it's just a way for me to ground and get centered, clear my head, and get ready for the day. I also do my Morning 5-10-5 every single morning, so I have to have a little bit of time [00:10:00] to do that, and then I had to be somewhere.

Presentable hair done makeup on by seven or 7:30, four outta five days last week. Totally different schedule than I am accustomed to. I, like I said, I used to do it all the time, didn't think anything of it. Um, now feels like a lot. And not only last week was I starting early, my days last week went until. 6:30, 7:00,, 8 o'clock at night, depending on the night.

So I was very scheduled.

Here's why I am sharing all of this, because you might be scratching your head like, who gives a shit about your schedule? Like you, you might even be thinking, I do this all the time. And yes, people do this all the time and nobody complains about it. Nobody makes a podcast about it. Uh, you know, it's not a big deal.

Here's why it's important. The women [00:11:00] who went to the retreat last weekend had an incredible experience. They had amazing breakthroughs. They got a lot of clarity on what they want to do in the second half of their life, or the the third, third of their life, depending on where they were as far as an age group.

They had some downtime. They had provocative conversation with one another. They had soul soothing experiences. They had soul Healing experiences. It was an incredible weekend. In fact, every Best Life retreat amazing. They just keep getting better. They just keep getting better. So, so good.

And, and the reason that they're so good that the retreats are so good is because you are able to get out of your life for a little bit to think about your life; Right? You are not being bombarded with what's for dinner [00:12:00] tonight. You're not that, that coworker who is stopping by, who's working on a project that he or she really doesn't wanna work on, they like knock on your door and they're like, Hey, you got a second. Which means they want to pick your brain on some problem that they're having so that all of a sudden then it can become your problem; Right?

Constant text messages. Emails to respond to, laundry, to do dogs, to walk yard work, housework, work work. We all have schedules that are jam packed, so it's really hard to devote some uninterrupted time to you and your life when you are in your life. Which means I gotta get you outside of your life to do this work, which, which makes the retreats so incredible.

Someone else [00:13:00] does all of the planning and all of the logistics. All you have to do is get yourself there and then literally you are given a schedule of where you need to be, what you need to bring with you. You don't have to make any big decisions. The biggest decision you have to make is what do you wanna order for lunch?

What do you wanna have for dinner? That's it. That's it. Everything else is taken care of. And there's plenty of time for you to do some alone time thinking There is time in the morning if you like me, wanna get up and go for a walk if you need some, if you need to sleep in or a little bit, the schedule is made so that it's, it's intentional.

I mean, a lot of time and planning goes into the schedule and even though we have a schedule, one of the things that is great about hosting a retreat and actually having the experience and the reps in, is I can easily say. You know what? The energy's going down a little bit. We need to put a pin in this. [00:14:00] We need to move this to tomorrow.

Or Wow. We are, we are having breakthrough, breakthrough, breakthrough. I don't wanna stop this momentum. So even though the schedule said that we were gonna go to cocktail hour, or we were gonna break here and give you some free time, we're gonna, we're gonna keep going because what is happening right now is so good. I don't wanna stop it. That's what happens at the retreat.

Here's the only problem with a retreat. You have this amazing experience while you are away, and then life starts lifeing almost as soon as you get home. For me, it started the moment the retreat ended because I had to get everything done, get myself to the airport, get on a plane, and come home.

So I didn't even have that kind of like, relax, take a beat, maybe go through my notes, think about, process some of the thoughts that I'd had or the [00:15:00] emotions or the feelings I was feeling. And my schedule last week did not allow for that time either.

And the thing about retreats is it is very easy to come back from a retreat, take your notebook, put it on the shelf, and go back to living your life.

Think about it. I mean, that's, that's what happens when you go to a work conference too, right? You, you learn all of this incredible information. You think start thinking about ways that you could potentially implement that at work. And the minute you get home, you take your notes in your notebook or on your laptop and you put 'em away, you file 'em away, maybe never to be seen again.

Maybe you actually go back and review them at some point. But it's pretty easy to slip back into the life that you were living before you [00:16:00] went to the retreat. If, like me, you get back and your schedule starts early in the morning and goes to late at night, you don't, there, there's no time in your schedule for you to start implementing the things that you

were dreaming about over retreat weekend. You are simply in reaction mode. You're simply in, I'm back, I'm back to my real life. I, I have to start doing all the things that I've done before. So those ways that we would show up, the behaviors over and over again. They become habits, right? And then they're just sort of our natural default. That's how we move through life. That's how we react to things. That's, that's how we show up when our schedule is jam packed. We are used to doing that.

And because we only had three and a half [00:17:00] days during the retreat, it's not like those big dreams that we talked about or the big feelings that we all discussed, or you, the visions we have for how we wanna be showing up in this season of our life, those don't go away.

But in three and a half days, they didn't have enough time to mature; Right? If, if you have been living 40, 50, 60 plus years of your life a certain way, I can't take you away for three and a half days and change everything about your life. It's not how it works, especially when life starts lifeing immediately when you get home. Immediately when you leave the retreat. That's not how it works.

That's like going to the gym for one week and expecting that you can go run a marathon. [00:18:00] That's like eating clean for one week and expecting that that extra 20 pounds that you're carrying, it's all gonna be gone. That's like expecting to go to a work conference on how to implement a new sales system in your business. You go to a three day conference, you learn how to implement this, and then you go back to the office and everything has been rolled out.

That's not how it happens. That's just, it doesn't happen that way, does it? I mean, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but that's just not how it works.

So what's the answer? What, what do we do? Do we stop going to conferences? Do we stop going to retreats? I don't think that's the answer.

But I do think I've cracked the code. And it's taken me a while to do this. So, um, bear with me.

I mentioned this. In last week's episode. I've had a number of women who have come to more [00:19:00] than one retreat say, is there like a retreat 2.0? What happens after we go to the retreat? And the fact that I had this overscheduled scheduled this week brought it all home to me. I can't give you extra days in the retreat to make that transition back to real life.

I can't. I can't make that easier for you. But what I can do is support you in that transition. I can give you all of the tools and the support and the community that you need to carry that retreat, energy, that retreat support, that cohort and those relationships that you built while you were away on retreat, I can provide that for you so that when you do get back to life. You have a touchpoint, [00:20:00] a personal board of directors. Think about them like that. Like they are your cheerleaders. They're people who want you to succeed.

You just spent a weekend with them talking to them about your big goals and dreams in life.

You talk to them about what you are afraid of, what you're fearful of, what keeps you up at night. What if you could come back from that retreat and know that you were going to continue to talk with those people? You are gonna continue to be in community with those people. Amazing, right?

You know that at least once a month you are going to talk with those people again. You're gonna be able to come to a monthly call. And say, remember at the retreat I said I wanted to do X, Y, and z. I really focused in on X right now, and here are the issues that are bubbling up for me. And your community, your [00:21:00] trusted advisors, the ones that you spent that time with to get to know at the retreat, they're going to help you solve that problem. They're gonna be there for you.

I was at a retreat in the fall. There is a woman who, one of her dreams, one thing that completely scares her is she went down to the community theater, she auditioned for a play. She booked a role. This past weekend was when the theater production opened. Our entire text stream was lit up for this woman in advance of the curtain going up on Friday, because we know how important it is to her.

We also know how easy it would've been for her to just do this, go to the audition, maybe not get it, maybe not tell anybody about it. But I'll tell you what, we weren't cheering her on from the jump. As soon as we [00:22:00] figured out, as soon as she let us know that this was happening, cheering her on from afar. And I am sure she felt that.

And that is what is so beautiful about having these retreat communities. You might walk in somewhere on a Thursday afternoon or whenever we get started all by yourself, and you feel like I am the only one who is experiencing this. The people who are closest to you in your life, your, your sisters, your mother, your best friends, oftentimes they don't even know because there's a little bit of shame involved because you've got this great life.

Why can't you just figure this out? Why can't you just be happy with everything you have? So a lot of times we don't tell anybody what it is that we're actually feeling. But when we go to the retreats and we are surrounded by skilled facilitators who create a safe space for you to [00:23:00] actually share what's on your mind and in your heart, all of a sudden. You then get this built in community who is cheering for you. Who want you to succeed, who want to be there for you if you have a question or an issue. Or you just need some support.

And that's, that's what we're gonna do with the Mastermind. I cannot believe that I had not actually put the pieces together until my schedule went batshit crazy this week.

In September, we're gonna do a three day in-person retreat, and then we're going to do monthly calls, support calls. There's gonna be some coaching based on what it is I am seeing bubble up in the community. And then we're gonna have hot seat calls, where you can actually bring your concern or your issue or your doubts, or just this idea, you know, I, I feel like I've got this idea and it might be a little crazy.

What do you guys think? You have the [00:24:00] sounding board of trusted individuals because you just spent three days getting to know them. You know all about them. We're gonna meet every month. So when you come back from the retreat and life has a way of lifeing and pulling you back to the person that everyone around you wants you to be, even though that isn't the woman that you wanna be moving forward, you, that's not the woman who you want to be in this season of life.

Your retreat mates are gonna say, oh, we got you girl. We are here to support you. Whatever you need, we will show up for you. And we're gonna do that every single month. Every month.

And then in February we're gonna go on another three day retreat. I mean, think about, so, so this would be if you've come to a retreat and you've been saying, okay, well I went to the retreat, what next?

This is Retreat 2.0. We're gonna talk about different [00:25:00] things in Retreat 2.0. We're gonna talk a lot about boundaries.

So if retreat one is about who are you in this season of life, what do you actually want? If I could wave a wand and give you your best life, what? What does that even look like for you? We do a lot of vision casting. We do a lot of manifesting. We, we do a lot of dreaming and thinking and, and, and experiencing just, just getting in touch with who we are in this season of life... not who the world told us that we needed to be or who we should be. Or the expectations that our family or our friends, or even ourselves, like our 20 or 30-year-old selves when we had to make these very pivotal decisions in our life. Where do we wanna go to school? What are we gonna study? Where's our first job? Are we gonna get married? Are we gonna have kids? What city are we gonna live in? [00:26:00] Think about the decisions that you entrusted your 20 to 30-year-old self with. Those are big pivotal decisions, right?

And while they may have served you for decades of your life, you may have outgrown them. It might be time to dream some new dreams. It might be time to just sit back and say, I've had an incredible life already. I feel like there's something missing, or there's something more out there for me and I want to figure out what that is.

That's what we do in retreat one. Retreat one is it? It is magical. There are so many ways to describe it. Magical is the one that comes to mind because of the permission that women give themselves to think beyond their everyday life. What is possible for them. What is still out [00:27:00] there for them. And it doesn't mean that we gotta burn everything down. You know, most of the women that come to the retreat, they don't go home and change everything and like, no. It's just a couple of little tweaks. It's getting some clarity. It's learning how to flex that discernment muscle. It's figuring out what you want, and then you can go home and start making that reality.

And then after you have been actually trying to put it in practice for a while, the things that you said that you wanted at retreat one with your monthly support moving forward, then we go on and retreat number two. And retreat number two is all about the tools that you need to shore up this vision of your life.

Those are limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, boundary setting, giving yourself permission to do the things you want to do, rewiring how your [00:28:00] brain thinks about you and your life and what's possible for you. Retreat number two, I I think we're gonna dive into some human design, um, which I'm very excited about. I haven't done that in a group setting yet, but how can you live the purpose? How can you live the dream that you identified as the most important when you left retreat number one? Right?

So retreat number two is gonna come at this wonderful time where you have actually had this ability to go back home after retreat one, and you are going to understand you need some help.

And maybe that could be calendar control. Maybe you just need to find some time to carve out some time for yourself and your dreams, whatever you have figured out that [00:29:00] you needed in those four months between retreat one and retreat two, that's what we're gonna focus on. And um, for retreat two, we're actually gonna go back to Civana. It's, it's gonna be great. I can't wait. And then three more months of ongoing support, and we are going to wrap up the Mastermind at the end of May. Which means you've got the entire summer to enjoy with your family and friends.

I am so excited about this mastermind. I have not done it before. This is the very first time we're doing it. I'm gonna limit it to 10 women. Because I do think that there is something really impactful about a small curated group. Not only does it allow us to make sure that everyone in the group has the time and the space [00:30:00] to talk and be heard, but it also allows us to build an amazing amount of trust. You get to meet and interact with all of the women that you're moving through the cohort with.

So it's not like it's so big that you know that there are 30 women there and you could call any of them, but you don't actually, you haven't developed a relationship with them. That's not what I want. This is your personal board of directors, your safety net, your biggest cheerleaders. And Sure, I know we all have friends.

We're at a point where we probably, you know, a lot of us don't need more friends, and also I've talked to so many women who have said they're lonely. They're lonely. They're not alone. There are plenty of people in their life, but there aren't a lot of trusted advisors, trusted [00:31:00] confidants that they can share their hopes and their dreams with because most of the people in their life, they expect something from them.

They expect them to show up in a certain way. They expect them to act a certain way. They expect them to serve a certain role, and sometimes you're just done with that. So we need to create this small, trusted group of your personal advisors that you can bounce ideas off of for nine months.

Nine months. I, I mean, I, to, to, I, I can't even find my words like I'm trying to f.

Nine months is a school term, right? Starting in September, go through May. Nine months is also a pregnancy term. And this is what I was, I was stalling with a little bit how I wasn't sure I wanted to go there, but what the fuck? We'll go there. [00:32:00] Think about the new you you could birth in nine months. If you had all of the support and all of the information and all of the tools that you need. You 2.0 or you 3.0, however you wanna think about it, you could live a completely different life in the very best way possible in nine months.

I'm telling you, because I have seen what happens to women after just three and a half days at a retreat. Imagine three and a half days at a retreat, monthly calls and support and communication and conversation, and just that deep feeling of being seen. Another three and a half days at a retreat and more ongoing support.

I'm so excited about it and I, I can't believe that it has taken me this long to finally crack the code on it, but it was just, I knew I wanted to do a [00:33:00] mastermind. I understood why it was important. But if I wouldn't have had a week like I had last week, it, I, I would've, I would've been talking about it in exactly the same way without actually experiencing something that I could articulate about why it is so important. Why women need this more than ever, so that you don't go on retreat, miss the plot.

You don't go on retreat and just slide right back into your normal life. You go on retreat, have this amazing experience, and then just continue to build on that for nine months. It's gonna be incredible. The wait list is open now. Uh, applications will open up on June 1st. More information coming on June 1st.

I'm gonna start with a wait list though. So if there are 10 women who are like, I am in on the wait list, then I'm [00:34:00] not even gonna open this up to the public. So if this sounds like something you're interested in or you know somebody who is get on the, get on the wait list, there is no obligation to sign up on the wait list.

You'll just get the information. Then you can decide. If you have a friend who you think would really like this, would do well in this kind of environment., Will you please send this to her? I'm trying to get the message out. Uh, like I said, I want to, it's purposely gonna be small, 10 women, which is why I want it to be well curated.

That's, that's the reason that we have the application is because in a group with 10 women, I need to make sure that you are committed to the cohort, number one. Number two, you're gonna show up and participate and support each other, and last, but certainly not least, I need to make sure that the energy is, is good. Like [00:35:00] we're gonna have a no asshole policy, right? You, you can't just show up, expect to take up all of the oxygen in the room. That's not the kind of community that we're creating here. So that's why there's applications, that's why it's purposely small. Um. It's gonna be incredible. I'm so excited about it.

There's a clickable link in the show notes. Get yourself on the wait list. We'll talk about it a little bit more.

Next week, I'm gonna introduce you to what I'm calling the theme of the Mastermind. And as a little teaser, it's all about personal leadership development. We talk a lot about skills development as it relates to our business life. We talk a lot about personal development as in, you know, reading the right books and listening to the right podcasts.

[00:36:00] Um. Doing the right workout or eating the right foods. What we don't talk about is an a global umbrella of marrying our work life and our life life together, and I'm calling that personal leadership development. And I'm excited to have this conversation with you next week. Thank you so much for being here today.

I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session, and until then, take good care.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an [00:37:00] episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews.