How to Recognize if You're Using Gratitude to Hide the Truth, with Sarah Briones

In this episode, Sarah Briones shares with us how to be grateful AND want more at the same time. How gratitude and dissatisfaction can BOTH be true. And how to recognize when gratitude has turned into self-abandonment. 

Sarah coaches high capacity women in their 30-50's through life transitions to better align with themselves. And she shares so much in this episode that can help you as well. No matter your age or gender. 

Here is how to connect with Sarah to get to know her better, read her Substack, or work with her:

WEBSITE: https://thevelvetpromise.com

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thevelvetpromise/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi, you are listening to the Cheetah Print Chats podcast, and I'm your host, Jenny. I'm in my mid-40s, married, a dog mom and a cat mom. I work for myself as a fitness mentor and lead for my group coaching membership, but I've also got a lot of experience in the corporate world. I've gone through a lot in my life, some good, some not so good. But it's all left me with a lot of life lessons that I want to share with you, as well as my nieces and nephews, which are who I started this podcast for in the first place. These are life lessons that, in my opinion, will never go out of style. Much like Cheetah Print. I hope that you're able to learn something from my life that benefits your life. Let's chat. Hi, welcome back to the Cheetah Print Chats podcast. I am your host, Jenny. We have a guest today, my friend Sarah, who I met on Instagram of all places. Although I guess that's not really unheard of these days, it's pretty normal. Anyway, I cannot wait for you to hear from her, so I'm gonna do a quick intro and we'll get going. Sarah is a life transitions coach. She's the founder of the Velvet Promise and creator of the microalignment method, which is a grounded approach to change rooted in the belief that overwhelm is not solved by doing more, but by taking the smallest honest step toward what is true. Sarah has a background in psychology and a deep understanding of what it means to rebuild a life from the inside out, and she supports high capacity women navigating burnout, identity shifts, career changes, and the quiet realization that the life they have built no longer feels like their own. Through private coaching and her writing, Sarah helps women recognize where gratitude, responsibility, and competence may have quietly become self-abandonment. Her work invites women to reconnect with their desires, rebuild self-trust, and create lives that feel honest, grounded, and fully theirs. A life soft enough for their nervous system and strong enough to hold their dreams. Okay, hey, it's Jenny with a last-minute note before we get started talking with Sarah. I got a new mic and this was the first time I've used it for an interview. Well, I kind of messed it up and forgot to change some of the settings on the computer, and it messed with our sound. So just FYI. The sound is not gonna be what you're normally used to. I know now for next time. We're gonna sound different than normal. That was my bad. Live and learn. Okay, just I live and I learn. And that's a good lesson for you too. Live and learn. Okay, for real. Here is the interview with Sarah. Welcome, Sarah, to the Cheetah Print Chats podcast. And I mentioned that your name is Sarah Briones, but you say it much better. So I would like you to just say your name for the listeners.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah, of course. My name is Sarah Briones with the rolling of the R. But you did a really good job.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

So much better. Um, and I have already, you know, the listeners already know a little bit about you, which um I actually was surprised that you have a background in psychology. I don't think I knew that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

I was um pretty cool. Background of psychology and a little bit of criminal justice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Very cool. All right. Um, so I I'm gonna have you do a little introduction here. But um, listeners, I actually Sarah and I met, I it was through Instagram, I believe. And then it just so happened that we used the same app called Growth Day, and then we ended up on the same trip we um in Austin, Texas. And so we got to meet in person. And we've just been, I don't know how long we've even been connected. It's been at least a couple of years that we've been uh internet friends. Um and she just recently started her business, which I've mentioned, and um a blog on Substack. So uh I I read one of them and it like really resonated with me and it just clicked. Oh, she needs to be on the podcast. And so we're gonna talk about that one today. And it's called, um, I had it pulled up here. It's called, where'd it go? When gratitude becomes self-abandonment. And uh it it clicked so much because that day I had uh somebody basically had written to me and they're like, uh, well, I can't complain, so I guess it's okay. And I was like, Oh, oh no, because I knew that feeling. And then Sarah's uh um blog came up and I was like, oh my gosh. And so I I shared it like kind of passive aggressively, hoping she would see it. But anyway, we're gonna get to Sarah now and we're gonna talk a little bit about that, but also some of the other topics that you can read. Um, but Sarah, tell us about yourself. Anything that maybe you want people to know that I maybe haven't said.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

We totally recapped everything really well. Uh again, Sarah Brian is just wanna make sure I roll that R for you. Um, I have recently just started my live transitions coaching. Um, ultimately, because of this article that you found um and it resonated with you, it was that whole idea of um feeling like I should be grateful that I just have a job um that was paying really well and everything on the outside looked really well, but it just uh was something that was not like making me happy anymore. And so um something like you mentioned, the growth day app, I had been following um uh Brenda Bruchard, who had uh started Growth Day and the Growth Day app for a really long time. And that's when I realized, like, oh, I really want to become a life coach. This is the reason why I went got a psychology degree. It was because I wanted to be able to help people. Um, and finally, this last year I pulled the trigger. I said, I don't want to be in corporate America um anymore. I'm still in corporate America as I'm building my coaching business. But it ultimately was this idea of it's okay to be grateful, but it's also okay to want more and like find that place of alignment. And all the trend life transitions that I've been through helped me really narrow down to this idea of what life coaching looks like um for me and the women uh that I want to be able to help in my coaching. So that's just a little bit about me in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Thank you. Thank you. And what what you said about corporate is that's one of the main things where I felt this was I was I was very unhappy, but I liked the money. And then I was like, well, so many people would want this job. Be grateful you have this job. And then anytime I felt any type of complaining coming on, or if I felt like I was having a negative attitude, then I felt guilty because then I felt like I wasn't being grateful. And then I was just like, no, I really am grateful for this job. So that it was it was a really hard line to walk. And gratitude is usually uh considered healthy, a healthy practice. So how do we recognize when uh our healthy gratitude has shifted from helping us appreciate our lives to helping us uh avoid the truth about them? So we're we're great, we're grateful, but then it turns to hiding something. How do we recognize when the shift has happened?

SPEAKER_02 8:09

What I have found for myself and what I hear from other people who have kind of felt this feeling before is that kind of what you described is I felt really grateful for this thing, but there was something like like deeper in myself that was just saying, but there's gotta be more. And I think that's where um being grateful, um, when I am unlimited, gratitude is pouring out of me, like it is like I feel like, and I don't know if this has been your experience, but there's this like true, like it feels like every cell of your body is like alive. And then when there's that little bit of um unhealthy, I guess you can kind of say, gratitude, is where there's that little voice or that little nagging feeling of like, but am I really grateful? Like, if I was really grateful, then would I really be feeling this way? And I think that is a good indicator that something's maybe not quite aligned. Yes, it's okay to be grateful for what you currently have. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing to have, I'm like, but it's also okay to feel like maybe there's a little bit more than what I currently have, and that's okay to have too. My experience also is us women, we tend to limit our source of abundance. And I feel like sometimes that little nagging feeling is where it's just saying, but there is more for us, and it's okay to be grateful for what we currently have, but it's okay to also want that extra and listen to that little voice.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

That makes sense. Like you said, it's a very hard line to walk when you you want to be grateful, you are grateful, but then you feel you're not happy and then you feel guilty. It's uh it's just a very difficult uh thing. And I think uh people need to hear that a lot of people go through it. So I mean, I I I definitely went through it, and then I noticed I started noticing it in other people, and then when your uh blog came out, I was like, Oh, okay. As I am, I guess noticing, I'm just I feel like I'm noticing more and more and more that this happens to probably everyone and not talked about a lot, and so I want people to know you're not alone if how you feel, you're not biased. Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I think there's that idea of like you're not alone and being able to see and recognize like there are more people, um, men and women. I primarily focus on coaching and working with women, kind of like you do. Um, so obviously we I see it, we see it more pronounced in women, but it's this idea of like we're not alone in this. I think we just don't talk about it so much. And being able to bring it up um among our circles, like our innermost circles, I think is also super helpful because um not carrying it by ourselves is um something that uh I've come to learn that that also helps reduce that little bit of shame of like, oh, you're feeling this too. Like, like maybe I maybe there isn't something wrong with me because you're feeling this too.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

So yes, and that's why I I share a lot in my podcast. I share a lot on social media, and a lot of it is because I don't want other people to feel alone. Like I don't have a problem sharing it. Other people, and I'm talking in general now, like just different things that some people are never gonna feel comfortable sharing something publicly that I talk about, and um, I don't have a problem with it. And so I feel like I'll just talk about it and somebody else is gonna hear this and they're gonna be like, oh my gosh, it's not just me. And so the reason I I guess part of the reason I don't have such an issue being vulnerable and sharing so much is that's I mean, I just I don't know why I don't, but that's part of it is to let other people feel seen. Yeah, yeah. That's part of what this podcast is too. So this is just perfectly fitting.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

And I think that was also the the one of the things that caught my attention about your like you said, we met ultimately on Instagram, um, was because you shared a lot of things that I was able to identify with. Um, and that's that was one of those things of like, oh, like I'm not alone. Like there's other women my age who also feel this way or have these points of views. And so that's how like I pretty much have stayed on your your Instagram and continue to follow you these last couple of years. Um, and so getting to be able to meet you at Growth Day, now kind of just talking about our businesses um and having that moment of growth is also been one of those, like, okay, that example that I needed to see for myself too. So again, thank you. Like this is a genuine gratitude towards you. I'm very, very grateful for you showing and being vulnerable on your stories and your Instagram um because it gave me permission to um to do what I do today. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Oh, you're so welcome. And thank you for sharing that with me because being on social media and having a podcast uh and just doing some of the things that we do can feel like am I talking to nobody? Like, is anyone actually listening, especially when stories get low or somebody doesn't like your posts, or it's it's it can get hard. So thank you for telling me that someone's listening. And we are lifelong friends now. I feel like we're gonna be lifelong friends and business partners at this point.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yes, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

I can see that business partners to a point.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yes, I can totally see that.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yes. All right. Um, you had mentioned and we both talked about how it's hard, how it it's hard and how people don't talk about it. And I'm wondering I guess is wanting more from a good life, uh, do you think people are feeling ungrate ungrateful or entitled? And do you think that's maybe why they're not not sharing it? I mean, does wanting a better life make you ungrateful or entitled? Uh no.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Of course, that is my opinion. Um, but it is um, I think that that's what allows us to grow um through life, uh, because it's that idea of um I want something more, you know, and because if not, we would be stagnant. And if you think about it, like it's that sense of gratitude that is like, well, like I've like sometimes for me, look it I feel the most amount of gratitude when I look back and say, wow, like I was once here in my life, and I now am over here. And everything that happened in between all of that got me to this point. I actually was just telling this to a friend of mine um just like five minutes ago, literally five minutes ago, where I was like, I I cannot tell you what the biggest positive impact is, but all I know is that everything that happened in the past got me to where I am today. And I'm entirely grateful for that, but I also am like, well, what's gonna happen in the next 20 years? Like when I start looking forward to my life, there's still so much more. And I don't feel like that's entitlement or me being ungrateful for what's already happened and what I currently have, but there is this sense of like, but there's more to come. And I feel like that's where that like I'm really grateful to be here. Now I I lean in with a little bit of curiosity with like, but what's what's to come, you know? Um, I've had people share with me, um, more will be revealed, you know, and that's where it's kind of like, yeah, more will be revealed because there's so much more life that's going to happen. And then maybe a year, five years, 10 years, 20 years, I'll be looking back in my life and be like, wow, this has been a really incredible ride, but there's still gonna be more to come. And that's that's why I feel like no, it it does wanting more does not make us ungrateful or entitled. You know, I think it's that it's that driving force of like what else is gonna come.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Okay, I'm glad you said that. I agree. Uh, I just I just wonder if maybe that people maybe think that deep down, and maybe that's why they don't want to talk about it. They're ashamed, they feel like I'm I'm being a baby. I don't know. There's there's a lot of things that I felt where where I was like, I like I said when I was with my corporate job, I would never say anything bad because I felt like people are gonna think I'm not grateful for my job. Um but it's okay to be grateful and want change. And I tell honestly, I tell my fitness clients this all the time. You can uh love you yourself, accept yourself, uh care about yourself, uh, and still want to change. Just because you want to change does not mean you hate yourself. Uh just because you want change doesn't mean you hate what you have, basically. Correct. Correct. I think the same applies here. Uh and this brings me to another question. Why is it so difficult to admit that something no longer fits when it is still objectively quote unquote good? And what does that honesty threaten?

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

That's that's a good question. Um and it really, you know, I would have to say sometimes it's this form of like dishonesty to sell is like the only thing that kind of comes to me. Um, because it's this idea of like, if I can't admit it to myself, then how am I supposed to admit it to somebody else? Um, that like I like I kind of want more, or this is no longer aligned. And if for me, I'm gonna use my my previous uh job and that experience that I had, whereas it aligned very well for when it worked for me. And as I caught started to burn out the first year, I kind of reframed it with that whole, I'm just I just gotta be grateful that I have an excellent job. They want to continue to uh promote me and give me more and just like I should just be happy. Then I burned out year two. And it was in year two when I realized this no longer fits for what I want. I didn't have the work-life balance that I that I wanted in my life. I was always tired. The things that really mattered to me, my family, my friends, uh, my free time just was going away. And I was putting everything like work first. I had stopped working out. Like, so everything that was me eventually started to be edged out. And that's when I was like, wait, like I can't just be grateful that I have this excellent paying job, work from home, extreme flexibility, like I have money in the bank, like I have this plush life because of the way I'm being paid for this work that I do. But I was a shell of a person. And that's when it was just like, I can't just be grateful for this one thing. And when I finally got honest with myself and said, this isn't working for me anymore. And I started to really look at my personal integrity and how that was being questioned in my workplace, how I was started to look at my my relationships with friends and family and how I couldn't show up for them the way I really wanted to. Um, when I started to realize that my health was going down the drain, and I but I didn't even have the energy to go take a five-minute walk outside, and I was like, it was literally not even stepping outside to my balcony just to get a little bit of self because that took too much energy. That's when it was just like you know what, this no longer fits, and I can't just be grateful for it. I'm not, I'm not even living a life anymore. And that I think that form of honesty ultimately threatened for me it in this particular situation. Situation, it started to threaten ultimately my livelihood because then it was like, if I leave this job, am I gonna just switch to another job? And maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side. I eventually did take a lower paying job and I went back to the bottom of the barrel instead of being in a leadership position. And today life is so much better. I have the energy to go do things. I'm showing up for my friends and family the way I want to. I'm showing, I've been able to actually do my own personal coaching to be able to launch my personal business in coaching. Um, I have the energy to to not do my day job. That's what I call my corporate job, my day job and my coaching. So I'm ultimately working two business two jobs. You know, I would I barely even could like do one job when I was in burnout. So that's where I feel is that difficulty is where when I once the moment I see the truth and the moment I am honest with myself, I cannot unsee that anymore. And that ultimately will have to get me into action one way or the other, whether it's changing a situation or having to stay with it. And when I start look, when when I start looking at both ends, both roads, it's really hard to be like, I can I can continue doing this, but it is it really fitting me. And it also tells what I eventually learned is wow, I have actually outgrown myself because at one point I wanted to climb the corporate ladder, like that was the dream job. Like I wanted to be, you know, the pinstripe suit woman in a corporate job, you know, that was the dream. And now I'm like, it's okay if I'm not there. Like so it also threatened a long, a long, a very long dream, like my childhood dream. Like if you asked eight-year-old Sarah, what do you want to be? She envisioned that eight, that pinstripe suit corporate woman, you know, and so it's having to go back and even tell that little girl, that's not who we're gonna be anymore. You know, so um that of course is a little bit deeper uh work that I had to look at, but it really made me question what really is important to me. Um, and what am I willing to do to make the changes so I can continue to move towards what's really important to me.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Wow. I that was deep and I love that. You said a few things that are sticking out to me. One, we'll I'll uh just with the one you just said, we'll work backwards maybe about having to tell your younger self like this isn't what we're gonna be. Uh I wonder if anyone heard that and was just like, oh my gosh, that's why I'm having such a problem with this, because that sounds like something where someone would be in your situation and it'd be like, Yeah, okay, the money's here, but I could go over there and get money. But then it's like I wonder if anyone heard that and it's it just clicked that it's a childhood thing where they're having such a hard time uh letting go. Uh so uh listeners, if that resonated, uh let me know. I'm curious, but also my digging in. Yeah, we want to know. So yeah, make sure, make sure we know, and um then you can start digging deeper into that. And then you said something about being a shell of a person. I guarantee people are listening who are working a job and because of it, or because of their home life, or because of whatever else, they are a shell of themselves and they don't know how to get back to themselves. Yeah. And I want to come back to that because I do have a question about that, but you also mentioned alignment, which is and and and having different goals, obviously. Um and I something I just talked to my clients about last night was well, and this is fitness goals, but this it's revisiting goals and making sure your goals still align with uh what you want, uh, they still align with your schedule, your habits still align with what you want and with your schedule and your priorities and your preferences because people change. Life changes, you know, everything changes. So it's good. I tell my clients every few months we're gonna do this alignment check. And I actually created a form to talk them through it. And um I'm recording this, we're recording this on a Tuesday. I am going to be putting out, I think it's Tuesday. I'm gonna be putting out um an Instagram post and actually offering that form for other people. So if you're listening, people are gonna be listening to this uh next Wednesday. Now, this is gonna get very confusing for you guys listeners, but you know that we record podcasts earlier. Um, so go find my Instagram, find the form, or find the post, or maybe I could put the form in the show notes and you can use it. But yeah, I do think it's very important to revisit goals and doing it in a career is a lot different than doing it in fitness, but it's still kind of the same concept. People change, like we change, and what we want and what we like changes. And when you've uh when you've had a dream for so long, it can definitely be hard to admit, oh, okay, that's what I've been working for for a really long time and that's what I wanted for so long. How do I just uh want something else and start over? And it's uh the shell of a person that really hit because I just I just know so many people are living life for somebody else. But that takes me back when when someone so we talked about uh if honesty doesn't require someone to quit their job, leave a relationship, or reinvent their life tomorrow. What is the smallest micro alignment they can make to stop abandoning what they know? And this is first of all, microalignment method is Sarah's business. So perfect. Um but this is this sounds like something we need to be asking ourselves, like what can I do? But what advice do you have about that?

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Yeah, so the microalignment method is something actually a a friend of mine uh helped me coin um because I tend to do just I have I have a tendency to help people figure out like in any situation, what is that one tiny little thing you can do right now, right this second? There's so many times when we hear like take the next big step or do the next big action, and there's like all this stuff. But when we are in this place of uncertainty, this place of like maybe our nervous system is irregulated, um, we're feeling anxious, we're scared, we've been living in fear, we don't know whether or not we should do this or do that. You know, we have so many different options to take, or maybe we don't even know what our options are. And so being able to help someone just figure out what is that next step? Like what is that microalignment that will actually be closer to what is a obviously it's a microalignment, so it's an alignment to what is true to you. Where is that small little voice saying, pick up the phone or and call like your your best friend and tell them this this is happening right now, or I'm feeling this way, maybe it's that, or a simple text to someone. You know, if you're in this uh situation of I don't know if I should even, do I leave my job, do I not leave my job? I'm really sick and tired of this. When I was having to face that, it was just, you know what? All I'm gonna do today is go grab grab my job, just current job description and my resume, and I'm going to just make sure that my res I'm not type, I'm not typing anything or anything. I am just looking at does my resume have my current job information? That's all I'm doing. That's all I'm gonna do today. There's no real typing, there's no real anything because that's the for me, it was like, what is that one next thing that I needed to do to be able to leave? And for me, because I wasn't 100% sure if I was gonna leave, all I knew was I wanted to leave at the end of the year. That's all I said. January 1st, I said, this is the year I leave this job. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but this is the year I'm going to leave this job. That's all I said. But I was also so scared to even take action to start moving towards leaving that job. And so it the microalignment was I'm just gonna take my job description and my resume and just make sure that it's as close to what I'm looking for. I'm just gonna look at it. That's all I'm doing. I'm looking at the, you know, leaving a relationship. I mean, it's been a few years since I've been in my last relationship, but when I finally had to let go of the last relationship I was in, the microalignment was just simply having the conversation of like, and actually it started off with a text saying, Hey, can I can we talk tonight? You know, and you know, my partner and I were talking every night. So it's not like that whole like, hey, can I talk tonight? It was not unusual, but it was that like I needed to like get it in my head, like I need to say something to you. It's not just gonna be a like, hey, how's your day kind of conversation? It's a acknowledgement that I need to say something. Um, you know, reinventing my life, uh, that that has been um a a leaning of curiosity because I knew I wanted to do life coaching. I've been saying that, I don't know, since maybe like the last four or five years, maybe. I remember sitting in uh Mel Robin's um, you know, course one time, and that's when I was like, ooh, I I think I could do a lot, I could do this life coaching business thing. Like, I think I can do this. And that's when the little light bulb went off. And I took all the stuff, but it wasn't until what I needed to do was I need I knew my innermost self, that little voice, was you need to self-regulate before you make any major decisions. And for me, it was hiring a breath work meditated meditation coach who taught me how to breathe. She gave me EFT tapping scripts to follow, and she ultimately had me learn how to self-regulate, like just through breath work, meditation, um, mantra work. And that led me to my the big step of I'm gonna go for this life coaching thing. But it was first like, I need like I this anxiety that I'm feeling, this tightness in my chest, I need to get rid of. And luckily, I had a very good friend who was also um starting her life coaching in her uh breath work and mindfulness practice, who I just said, I need your help. And that all she said was okay, and we got to working together. And that's all I did was I reached out to her, sent her a message on Instagram, and said, I need your help. And she didn't ask, we just pretty much got on a call, told her what was happening, and then she wrote out my program for me. And then that led to my personal coaching uh that got me to where I am today. So it's some, it's just that I have to listen, I gotta get quiet, just enough to hear that tiny little voice that says, pick up the phone, send the text. Even if it's just for me, sometimes it's like you know, Sarah, you cannot always just go grab the hangers out of your closet and bring them to the dryer. And let's just see if you hang up your your clothes, you know, from laundry. Oh my gosh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

So like it doesn't have to be like big life decisions.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Sometimes it really is like all you gotta do is get off the couch and go grab like go grab the hangers from your closet and take them to the to the laundry room. You don't need to hang up clothes, you don't even open up the draw. Just just go grab the hangers and take them to the laundry room.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

I love that. That was a lot of good tips. And I'm glad you mentioned I'm glad you mentioned relationships because we've been talking so much about uh, you know, corporate careers or leaving a job, but people need to leave relationships too, and not just uh romantic relationships. There could be friends that you need to leave. And it could be uh I mean it could be a relationship with anything and uh anybody that you want to change. And uh speaking of the the small voice, uh that's gonna start getting if you ignore it, it's gonna get louder and louder and louder as far as uh you wanting to change and then you're not gonna be able to ignore it anymore. And then again, you need to listen to it when you're making the micro alignment. You mentioned uh just telling someone. Well, there's two things you mentioned that I uh I I don't know, I don't want to say shocked. No, what do I what's the word? I was impressed with these uh two things big time because in in my head, even a micro alignment, I guess, I guess part of this is uh understanding micro, micro and small. So in my head, a micro alignment uh would even be type up your resume. But you're saying just look at it. And you said uh just tell someone. So it's like uh if you want to make this big huge move that's gonna affect more than just you, you don't have to go and tell everybody. You can tell your closest friend. You can tell one person, you could tell your parent, you could tell your grandma, you could tell your aunt, um, you could tell your husband, wife, whatever. It doesn't have to be this out loud decision. You can just uh talk to someone or a life coach or a therapist. Um and then I liked what you said about uh basically self-regulating. It just made me think like we need to uh take care of ourselves and never make a microalignment. A micro alignment could be taking care of yourself, going to bed 10 minutes early, yeah, so you could think better the next day. Yeah, those were I was just really impressed with those because it's like, oh, it can just really be that small, and that is a move.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

Yeah, yeah. In one of my articles, I talked about um what what is that next laughable thing you can do? Because like like I said, it could just be just go grab the hangers, like and we laugh. Like just go grab the hangers. You're I'm not saying you have to fold your laundry, hang up your clothes, put it all away. I'm just saying go grab the hangers and put them in the laundry room and let's see what happens after that. Um, for me, what I've also learned um and what I have also seen is typically, like you said, as the that little voice gets ignored or put aside more and more often, it does get louder. That's definitely been my experience. And typically by the time it's yelling at me that something like is on fire and I need to hurry up and do something, I'm typically doing the action that may not be the wisest thing for me. Um, or I am thinking everything now is urgent and everything is house on fire, gotta put the fire out. And uh, I am just not even thinking about what really is good for me. And when I started to kind of bring put together this microalignment, and whenever I talk to my friends, of like, what is aligned with you? It that's when I start saying, let's put that voice aside from your mother who's telling you to do this, let's put the husband aside and say, I hear what he's saying, but let's start figuring out what is right for you. Like, what is what's that thing that's saying, I need this, I want this, I desire this, then that's where it's like, okay, let's start pushing all those voices, all those little belief systems aside a little bit, just to give you a little bit of space to figure out what is that thing that you absolutely are like, if I don't do this, like I'm gonna continue to abandon myself. Or it's like no wonder I don't know who I am anymore because I don't even know. Am I making this decision for my husband, for my mom, for my sister, you know, for my children, whatever the case is. Like, like, am I making this decision for someone else, or is this the right decision for myself? You know, so that's where I start trying to create a little bit of space so we can start hearing what that voice is and whose voice have we been following. Because there, trust me, there are still days that I'm like, ooh, that's my mom's voice. Oh, that's my that's my you know, dad's voice, or that was an old, you know, story I told myself, or someone told me when I was a kid or a teenager or a young adult, and or you know, that's an old boss of mine, you know, it's like I can still hear their voices, and that's where I'm like, okay, thank you for that information. But I'm gonna put you aside right now. You're going in timeout. So, and sometimes that's the microalignment. It's just like, oh, I hear you, I'm gonna put you in timeout for a second.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

So that's good. Oh, that's yes. Put the people that are in your head that have so they have so much influence over us. And it's like, I want to live my life. I don't want to live my life being a people pleaser. That's kind of a I'm a I'm a recovering people pleaser in progress. And that is something that we do. We make decisions for other people, uh, even if that's not the decision that we want. So I love that you said, you know, make space and uh get help from someone like you to help people do that because it's hard to do it on your own. Make space and and put those other people and time out and figure out what you truly uh want and then do the micro alignment uh that uh you think of next. And it's so true that people uh that people hear other people, you know, and still listen to stories that other people said or that we remember from uh childhood. And uh you also you mentioned something earlier about um looking forward and looking forward to the future 20 years. And I I want people to think about uh being in the same place right now that you right now being the same place right now in 20 years, in 20 years, if you are in your same spot right now, are you going to be happy? And people are gonna say, Oh my gosh, no. So that would mean that doesn't mean you're not grateful for the life that you have. Correct means you can start taking micro alignments to a micro alignment could be figuring out what you want. Yeah, you may know, like I am not happy, but I don't know what I want. A microalignment could be taking 30 minutes or even five minutes because 30 is a 30 is bigger, five minutes to journal, try to figure out like what do I want my life to look like? That could be where you start.

SPEAKER_02 43:17

Yeah, yeah, it's so funny because um with one of my clients in our lessons, I would have reflection questions for her. And most of the time, by the time we get to the reflection questions to honor our time, I always give her about one minute. And this last week, um, I gave her three minutes. I purposely created that lesson to give her space to write on the reflection questions because we were going to start addressing her first microalignment. And as she was writing my with the first one, I said, Okay, time's up. And it was because I gave her the three minutes. So, okay, time's up. She's like, Wow, I didn't realize how much I could like I knew I could write a lot in one minute. She's like, but the amount of Stuff that came out in three minutes. You know, so it's like sometimes it may be just one minute of writing, you know, or three minutes or five minutes. Because yes, like a lot, you if you just give yourself the tiny, tiny little space, the amount of stuff, when it's ready to come out, it will just flow and you don't need to have all this time to do it. Um, typically, if we're struggling for it to come out, then it there's apparently some blockage still. And that's where you again making space. One question I love to say, like, and I do this a lot with my friends when they're in that space of, well, I don't know what I want, or and someone did it for me many years ago. They asked, daydream with me. Because how as adults, we stopped daydreaming, you know, and so now whenever I hear people, I don't know, I don't know if I should do this, and I don't know what my future looks like, or you know, I wish I could do this. And it's like finally I just kind of pop, like, hey, can I can I just ask you to daydream with me? If in five years, 10 years, 15, 20, whatever it is that that they're wondering about, what does that feel like? What does that taste like? What colors are you wearing? Who's around you? Like, is it sunny? Is it rainy? What are you wearing? Like just daydream with me. And sometimes just that little bit of permission, because that's what I eventually like even with my own therapist at one point. I said, I I stopped daydreaming. Like I and people stopped asking me to daydream with them. And when I started to ask myself, daydream with me, Sarah, what is the next 20 years? Because you're right, like I I'm not ashamed of my age. I'm 46 years old right now. And when I started to allow myself to daydream, I remember thinking at 40, I was living the life I wanted. And I thought because of the the past that I had, I I was shocked that I even made it to 40. And so, so then I was like, wow, I thought I wasn't even gonna make it to 35. I'm 40 years old and I don't know what to do with my life. And like, I don't even know what my future has, you know, and so I started having to daydream. And I started to have to ask myself, what does life look like? And I started doing the the bucket lists, you know, and that's where it was just kind of like, okay, and as long as I'm daydreaming and thinking about that, like I can be grateful for where I came from, but I can continue to be excited about my future and continue to look forward. And that and there's gratitude even in the future. Like I'm already putting the gratitude out to the future, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Yes, that's powerful. That's powerful, and I want everyone to hear what she just said that you can look to the future, be excited about the future, still be grateful from for the past, still be grateful for where you are right now. So if you're uh daydreaming, I want you to try that. Try daydreaming and daydream about what you want your life to look like and don't feel guilty about it because I did that for so long, I felt guilty, so I get it, and easier said than done. But uh speaking of permission, listeners, I want you, uh I'm giving you permission to daydream without guilt, and you're just it's just in your head. You're not like going and telling someone some crazy thing, you're just thinking. I just I really want everyone to hear that. Yeah, um, and we've been talking about microalignment and as I mentioned, we have the microalignment method. So I want to talk to, I mean, Sarah, tell us how people well, first of all, I'm gonna have all of her information in the show notes. So if you want to connect with her anywhere, read her um Substack, work with her, you're gonna be able to find everything you need in the show notes. Um, but Sarah, if you want to talk about how to work with you, do you want to just share?

SPEAKER_02 48:24

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so uh everything is under uh the Velvet Promise. So my Instagram is at the Velvet Promise. My Substack is also at the Velvet Promise. Um I am currently doing um only one-on-one coaching. It is custom, 12-week program. Um it so we pretty much go through everything that you are looking through, very similar to probably what you have set up where you have your questionnaire and inquiries. Um, make sure that your private coaching is um custom to you. And because it's custom, it's a leave and breathing dot, like it's gonna be living and breathing. So as we continue to grow and talk through and move through the program, it may start with one thing, and then by the time we finish, it may be something else because that is what you needed. So that is currently what we're doing, or what I am doing is the uh one-on-one 12-week custom coaching. Um, everything again on my website is also uh www.thevelvetpromise.com.

SPEAKER_00 49:34

So that's the best way to find me. Awesome. Thank you. Um, and I actually have her Substack pulled up. I wanted to just read because we talked about one piece that she talks about and can coach on. Um, and I just went back just a couple. I'm gonna read a couple of these titles. And so listeners, I want you to obviously this is gonna be in the show notes, but the velvet the velvetpromise.substack.com. Go read some of these. Um, one of them is the one more year lie misalignment whispers before it screams, when gratitude becomes self-abandonment, which is the one that this episode was about. Uh, and then the there's the some newer ones, the woman who always figured it out. Who sorry, the woman who always figures it out is tired. What uh hiding has been protecting you from. You know what to do, so why aren't you doing it? Oh, we talk a lot about that in my fitness program. Uh and the last one, the newest one, I think it came, did it come out today? Yesterday. Sunday. It was Sunday. Yeah. Being self-led doesn't mean doing it alone, which that's that was a real good one too. Sneak peek into some of the other topics that she talked about. And Sarah, thank you so much. This was really a good conversation. I loved it. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it. You're welcome. The listeners, I think, are gonna love it too. And you know, go you don't have to sign up to work with Sarah right this minute. Just go follow her on Instagram, read some of her stuff, get to know her. Um and and yeah, maybe I'm gonna have you back on another podcast. We can talk about another topic. And as we were talking, uh it's just I just remembered you were saying something earlier. It was about money and happiness. And it's like I I've I've had conversations with multiple people about yeah, I missed the money, but I'm happy now. Like we took lower paying things, but we're happy. And it's hard with the budget, but uh it's worth it, you know, it's not live like a shell, like you mentioned. So yeah, this was just so good. So many good, so many good pieces of information that so many people can take. So thank you. Thank you, thank you for being on this episode. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. Thank you so much for listening. If you loved this episode, please leave me a review and share with your friends. To connect with me, find me on Instagram at Jenny302. That's J E N I and the numbers 302. Or you can find other ways to connect with me listed in the show notes. I can't wait to chat more with you.