Motherhood Relabelled
Motherhood Relabelled
16. What type of parent are you and what's your parenting style? 🤡😈😇
In this week's episode we chat all things parenting styles, what kind of parent we think we are, what type of parent we aspire to be and all the in between. Join us for an interesting and honest discussion about what influences our parenting styles, what we're proud of and what we're still working on. 🙏
Special mentions:
- Big Little Feelings
- Responsive Parenting
- The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read
- Hunt, Gather, Parent
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Motherhood Relabelled is a non-parenting podcast for all parents who don’t let the “parenthood label” hold them back. It’s for those who think that parenthood is a part of us, but not the only thing that defines us. Travelling with kids? Sure! Starting a business with kids? Absolutely! Feeling the fittest and strongest you’ve ever felt with kids? Most certainly! This podcast is your weekly dose of making yourself and your own goals a priority.
Hey Vanessa, how are you? I'm great. How are you? Yeah, I'm really good. Thank you. Another episode under our belt, and that's right.
Speaker 2:And probably the last one for a while, mm.
Speaker 1:Because someone's going on holidays. Yay.
Speaker 2:Tomorrow big flight ahead, but I'm feeling good about it Like. I feel, like I've prepared really well and I know it's going to be long and stressful at times. I feel like I'm emotionally prepared.
Speaker 1:Good for you. You've got all the travel, toys that you could possibly have on the plane and all the other things on the other side.
Speaker 2:That's it. And yeah, so we'll be staying in Europe with our families for six weeks and yeah, so we've got to enjoy summer and maybe not record during that time.
Speaker 1:No, just logistic wise, yeah, too hard timing.
Speaker 2:It's going to be with the time zone. Yeah, that's OK, but yeah, we'll be back soon enough. We'll be back soon enough and the August, and we do have a few in the pipeline. Some episodes were recorded previously that we will be sharing.
Speaker 1:So, yeah.
Speaker 2:No, that's cool that we haven't gotten anything.
Speaker 1:No, very good. So what's our episode today, this year? About today?
Speaker 2:Well, I think we wanted to talk about parenting and the types of parents we are or who we think. Yeah, the type of parents we think we are Very topical, who we maybe aspire to be, or what type of parent we aspire to be, I think that's an interesting question because sometimes when you look at, I feel like there's so much that influences us, of who we are as a parent.
Speaker 2:Like certainly our own parents have huge influence on us. The culture we live in, definitely Our personality, our own personality Plays a big part, absolutely. But yeah, there's so much, but then there's also who you are and who you want to be Doesn't always align. Yes, so I feel like you're not.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely. You can try to be one way, but your personality doesn't allow you to be, that's right. But you know that you'd like to be. I mean, obviously, there are many ways that people classify themselves as a parent.
Speaker 2:There's this helicopter, parent. I feel there's so many labels.
Speaker 1:And they change Some people. There's authority, yeah, there's authority.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the helicopter one. That's the one who's like the micromanager, Like just never let's go of anything. I think I could definitely have tendencies into that direction, Definitely yeah. So I have to be careful of that Absolutely Just because of my sense of wanting to control things.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I think what's interesting is that I feel like, yeah, you're always labeling certain types of parents or their, like this they're like that.
Speaker 1:And most people are probably a bit of a mix, right. Yeah, you can't necessarily just be one type I agree. I just think that they're. People are a mix of a couple of traits, totally.
Speaker 2:And you know, like when I think, for instance, of my partner Clemore, like we're so different and so similar at the same time as well. I think we both deeply love Theo and we're like very caring, very affectionate very loving, yes, but he's like, well, he's a fun dad, of course, but that's because you're jealous of that sometimes. You know, and I knew that going into becoming parents like with him that that would be the case, because it's just like he's a fun funny guy.
Speaker 2:He's a fun person, he's a fun person and you know I'm culturally even like when you think of like people used to say to me always oh German sir, don't have any humor. And I must admit, like culturally it is a bit true though.
Speaker 1:I know, I know what you mean.
Speaker 2:Like we're a bit more rigid and direct and less like small talk, just like you know, to the point.
Speaker 1:Kind of like no filter. It's funny that I just I guess I've known you, but I've become, I've come to know more, you know ways of how people are, more German, and it's just so interesting that a culture has so many of the same stereotypes and stereotypes. Crazy, isn't it? Just like the being punctual, like and you know, being very pedantic and finicky and precise.
Speaker 2:Well, even the counselor in the cognitive behavioral therapy I'm doing, she told me the other week. She said look, it's also got to do with your cultural background. She said like you know in your culture, like you're used to no nothing. Everything is working perfectly, everything is on time, everything is just like in a box and she's like. It's normal as well that you that's the expectations you have. So when they're not being met, that's where you know I get anxious and like all triggered, so she said something to be aware of, but yeah certainly like cultural differences.
Speaker 1:Like it's, it's very interesting Plays a part in your parenting styles.
Speaker 2:for sure, 100%. And yes, I just want to the point I was trying to make is like I'm a bit jealous of him sometimes being the fun dad and I'm like more the I make sure things are working and you know properly are not getting done?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, I mean. I mean that's why you know you are complimentary, you know, and that's why parents do and can compliment each other in various ways, because, you know, even with Joel, and I like you know, he's very calm, you know, and he'll speak with Toby, to Toby, you know very, you know calm and controlled manner, Whereas sometimes I might just lose my shit and I very much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a temperament and you know it could be a number of things that have built up. But also, I guess you know part of the way that you react comes from your upbringing, like the way that you deal with things. You know where, you know if something dropped on the floor, you know how did your parents deal with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, with anger Like how, why did you do that? How did you do that? You know, and I guess it's just acknowledging that that's not what you feel is the way that you want to. You know to do things and I mean I was never smacked. Yeah, my brother was, because, you know, I guess not that he was naughty, but I don't know, somehow he did. Then I just got away with it, but I was never smacked. You know, he did get the wooden spoon, which these days obviously is unheard of, and I don't want to be that sort of parent, like you know, that takes out their frustration on their kid.
Speaker 1:Like. I don't think it's, you know, positive and it's not good behavior for me personally. You know, and it's just a matter of how you deal with your own feelings and frustrations, 100%, you can't take it out on your kid.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:So that's how I feel about I guess that. But yeah, like I think a lot of the things and a lot of the way that you do parent does stem from your own upbringing, for sure, yeah totally the way that you deal with things and you either choose to change that, or you know you act in the same sort of ways. But what about you Like? What do you think makes a good parent?
Speaker 2:I mean, that's a pretty hard question, it is a very hard question, I think, for me, like my goal is, I can't speak for everyone, but like I feel like a good parent is different in many ways.
Speaker 2:Because everyone and every family is so different. But I think, for me personally, what I, the parent I want to be, is I just want to love my child unconditionally, without putting any expectations or pressures on them to, you know, perform a certain way or achieve a certain thing. I just want them feel loved and happy for who they are, yeah, and safe and secure.
Speaker 1:And safe and secure.
Speaker 2:And that's all I want.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's a, that's a big, big ask, because I feel like inevitably, we will face situations where you, as a parent, you feel like your child is not making the right decisions or choices and you, you know where do you draw the line between pushing them in the what you do, what you do, what you do direction think is the right direction, or letting them be themselves, you know. So I think that's. That's something I think I see as challenging. Yeah, you know that's going to be, but at the end of the day, I just want him to feel loved and happy and whatever that happiness means to him, you know that's why I feel like even now I I don't force any, any things on him, Like if I noticed that he doesn't like a certain activity or.
Speaker 1:Thing. I'm not forcing him, yes.
Speaker 2:Equally, I let him choose what he likes doing. Like that's why I like the Montessori approach, you know, letting children discover their own interests. Yeah, and like, for instance, he's obsessed with the ball and you know, I kind of like I want to nurture that, but equally, I'm also not going to expect that he's going to become a professional football player.
Speaker 1:But he enjoys it. Makes him happy then why not?
Speaker 2:And maybe some people might consider that as not being very ambitious, but that's seriously all I want to be as a parent.
Speaker 1:I guess it's like it's got to be age appropriate too, right? I mean, it's funny because I did a quiz leading up to this and I thought, yeah, let's actually see like what the what do these quizzes say that? What kind of parent am I? You know? So interesting, and obviously some of the questions they ask aren't as relevant because our kids are quite little and you know they do give you different scenarios. But both, both quiz I took two quizzes and both of them came back as I'm an attached parent and that said, that, you know it said hugs being present and lots of eye contact.
Speaker 1:It's all about recognizing big feelings and talking through them for attachment parents, you believe, through loving hard and children will be built, they will feel safe and connected and that's the most important thing about being a parent and I think and I think that's partly me, I'm partly attached and I'm partly a helicopter and I'm proud to be, and I, you know, I I guess it is about loving them and nurturing them, protecting them to be, you know, confident in their own little selves and just to try and, you know, give them a little bit of a leg up in the direction that they need to go or that I feel could help them. You know, make the decisions on. You know where they need to go Making a really interesting point.
Speaker 2:I think when children feel loved generally for who they are, they are comfy.
Speaker 1:They do. They're confident and happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's kind of like two quality measures of success. You know how I, yeah, how I measure my success as a parent is like how confident and independent is my child Like? And I love when the the, the teachers from school say oh, he's so confident. Like I love hearing that, because it means that I give in enough Love.
Speaker 1:So you can feel confident and that she's going to come back for me. Yeah, it's true, I know it's a funny thing, funny thing that, but you're right. Like, and I think that's that's the best that you can do is to make them feel loved and connection.
Speaker 2:I wrote down the word connection as well.
Speaker 1:Connection is super important.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, because sometimes I feel like, yeah, we're just in the hamster wheel of you know daily grind and we, we just run, you know, like headless chickens throughout the day, like you know we're just in the hamster wheel of, of the, of the, of the, of the of the doing checking boxes, of how to do this and yeah. So I think I want to focus more on genuine connection, like really, like you said, eye contact, like really moment, you know moments together Exactly and just enjoying those moments as well.
Speaker 1:And I think, what about you? Well, in terms of what makes a good parent, I think just empathy, you know, really being supportive and understanding and trying to do that without judgment. And that's all very easy to say, but in an ideal world that's, you know what I would like and I do want you know just to feel that they can do anything Like. I really want to give Toby that feeling, that and that confidence that you know anything is possible and I want you know to just have his you know, be inspiring, you know for him and Be a role model.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I feel like I want to do all the things that you know, I feel you know will make a good role model so that he can learn from and help guide him in his life. You know, and I have this.
Speaker 2:I can relate to that Like I get the same feeling Like. Even sometimes I use it as a way to motivate me to work on my own goals. Because I feel like if I show him that I can, you know, like, achieve my goals and I want to be that type of person for him, you know, so he can see like yeah, and that goes as far as like the type of place that you live in, like the food you eat.
Speaker 1:The food that you eat, your exercise, exercise.
Speaker 2:Showing that the importance of that new value movement and going to the gym or doing some sort of activity.
Speaker 1:It's funny because I do that stuff when he's asleep.
Speaker 2:So he doesn't actually see me do that.
Speaker 1:But I do tell him, like mama went to the gym, you know? And why are you asleep?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so actually we sometimes actually take him to the gym, because he now goes to the little craze. Yeah, that's cute. So you could say he comes to the gym with us. Yeah.
Speaker 1:He sees you, Toby has been to my gym before and he has seen me training and I've actually, you know, whilst they're doing the demos, he's actually sat next to me and he sees and you know what I was doing and he was so cute this one time. He's like hey, mama, you do it. Like the guys are all doing burpees and he wanted me to get in and do it and so he pulled me over. He's like mama, you do it. That's hilarious, so it was super cute. But it is all that stuff. Like you know, Actions speak louder than words. 100% like tidying up his messy toys. I'll leave in there for a little bit, but before you know, but it's mostly tidy, Like I know that you can't always be tidy, but at some point of the day they're all packed away and I make I do try and make him come and clean with me. He's not into that at all, no, but he'll see me do it, but they, they have to feel part of it and they're feeling part of it.
Speaker 2:They're learning as well. The. You know I like we do weekly cleaning sessions together on a Sunday and I actually like involving him. Involving him, but also him seeing mom and dad both clean.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, not just mom they share the household duties equally.
Speaker 2:That's why I love like as well, and C'mon goes and picks up tail from day kids.
Speaker 1:And when I do that's just me.
Speaker 2:Same with food Like. It's like all equal you know, yeah, agree.
Speaker 1:That's what I value as well, and it does come down to just you know what do you want them to see? You know what do you want them to see you eat. You know what's. You know an always good food to eat. What's a sometimes food to eat. That's right. You know like it's just all those.
Speaker 2:You know fundamental things that, apart from giving them love and affection, and care like is to be the person we want them to grow into right Like like we just have to be as good as we can like exactly, and I think it's hard for us to sort of yeah, absolutely, and I think for us it's hard to see into the future of what it's like when they're a bit older.
Speaker 1:you know because there was a question in one of the quizzes like what kind of person are you, you know, what kind of parent to you you know? You know if your kid opens the door and what happens? Like would the kid open the door and come and tell you, you know?
Speaker 2:that they're not open the door at all.
Speaker 1:Like there was a few different things and this was a kid based. Sorry, this was a quiz based on the parental guidance show, that's an interesting point so yeah, like it's what you teach them is acceptable and safe, safe and they just.
Speaker 2:I just want to feel safe to talk to me about anything. Yeah, like. I feel like in my family, if it just was, wasn't never like not that I didn't feel safe, but it's just like we didn't talk about an open forum no. Profound like emotional things.
Speaker 1:No, it was just Generational, I think so. I think I mean we were the same, like it wasn't your parent, wasn't your best friend, no, and I think it's tricky because you also don't want to be there best friend no.
Speaker 2:You know that's right. That's one aspect of parenting I struggle with sometimes because, yeah, sometimes I want to be a bit more fun, so I'm making an effort to be a bit more fun, like, but then I'm also like you know, I fundamentally believe our job as a parent is also not just to do the fun thing, it's to do the right thing. But you know, we are accountable for them, we're responsible, we're reliable for their actions, actually legally True. So I feel like it's our duty to you know to also sometimes we have to be the tough one to say no and put boundaries and have authority and that's why I feel like it's hard.
Speaker 2:Where do you, how are you someone that they are feeling safe enough to talk about their deepest of emotions but, at the same time, have the authority and putting up the boundaries needed to shape a human being that understands limits and boundaries?
Speaker 1:It's very true, it is tough, that's it. It's a really interesting one and I think you know it's hard for us to know this right now because they're so little, too little. But yeah, like it is thinking about that and even like to the point of like discipline. You know how like do discipline, you know, you know, and especially because they're so little and reasoning with them, it doesn't exist right now, I have implemented like a thinking area. So instead of a naughty corner, you know, one of my friends said, because she runs a daycare center, family daycare she said she's got a thinking map and I'm like, oh, I actually really like that.
Speaker 1:That's much more positive because they have to go in this area and just think about what it is that they've done, as opposed to that naughty behavior. So I actually really like that and I've started implementing that. Mind you, you know he wants to get out of it, but at least he'll stop and reflect for even like 30 seconds He'll stay there. That's sometimes he'll put himself there. Uh-huh, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2:I like that. I also follow an account on Instagram that's called big little feelings. Yeah no, it sounds cute, though. It's really great, and I actually saw a video yesterday. Um, it's kind of topical, but like she was talking about, um how you know, when we discipline children and, for instance, we tell them, let's say they do something naughty, and you tell them to stop and you say if you don't stop doing X.
Speaker 1:Y.
Speaker 2:Z, I'm going to take your car away and you can't play with that car. Like a child's brain doesn't make the connection between something that I've done wrong and but why is it? Why are you affecting my toy, my toy? So she was like saying, if you discipline them, discipline them with the thing that they're actually doing, Like, for instance, if they are drawing with the pen on the table. You say, if you don't stop this, I'm going to take the pen away. You're not like, well, that's a very literal example, but like basically disciplining them with something subjective that they're actually in context.
Speaker 2:Directly related to the action that you want to avoid. That makes a lot of sense, right, makes sense, I think.
Speaker 1:gosh, there's so much to know, but taking away something that because I've done that like if you don't do this, then I'm going to you know when the dummy was around. You won't get your dummy, yeah, but why, Like that's nothing to do with my dummy, it's like hold on, but what that? Has to do with what I'm doing right now, now that you think about it, yeah, but it's all those little things.
Speaker 2:I feel like you know, but you know, nobody's perfect. I feel like we're all doing it. It's just about. That's why I like accounts like these, because you can develop an awareness for things right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's an account that we follow and I think it's on our motherhood relabeled Instagram account and it's called Responsive Parenting. Yeah, responsive Parenting. She's got an Instagram account, I think. I'm not sure if she's in Australia, no, I think she's US US but she's always got really great content, quots and content, great quotes and things that you just go, but being gentle, you know a gentle approach to discipline. Good little reminders yeah. You know, Definitely helps. Trying to treat children with respect and kindness should not be considered perfect parenting. To me it's just parenting.
Speaker 1:But there's just so many like little one line, things that are just like like little light bulb moments.
Speaker 2:You know I had another light bulb moment this week where there was a video that was explaining, you know, the emotional intelligence of a child, like our expectations of children and the young children toddlers. To manage their own emotions is like expecting a two-month-old baby to walk Because, like our brains are so, like you know, they develop.
Speaker 2:Actually, like part of our emotional regulation is in the frontal lobe, I think or maybe don't quote me on this one I think so too Another doctor but like, basically, the area of our brain that's responsible for our emotional regulating, our emotions, isn't fully developed until we're in our mid-twenties. Yeah, wow, like how are we expecting a toddler? To make decisions, and even like just regulate their emotions, because sometimes you know when they're so unreasonable with their emotions.
Speaker 2:Like you, literally you sit there and you like you try to be empathetic, but at the same time you're like I just don't understand. You know why?
Speaker 1:But that's why me personally, I feel that that's why that's where the parent steps in up until that age, like, in some ways, they need to be that authoritarian, you know, like to give that direction and guidance in a way that you know is helpful, of course, but they need help making those decisions. They don't know what is right or wrong. That's right, and all you can do is help guide them. And open their mind to critical thinking and questioning and weighing up the options. That's it. You know, that's all we can do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think, responding with kindness always that's at least what I try to do and look, I don't always succeed with that. No, I understand that's definitely an area I want to improve. I think I've already made improvements, but saw something I'm working on. But like a phrase I really like telling myself is like be the energy you want to receive, because you know, if I respond to him like he's obviously the child, like he's not, like, he will trigger me you know, always behaviors like it's just the way it is, that's, that's what he's supposed to be doing.
Speaker 2:It's on me, because I have the maturity to emotionally self regulate, to then go look, if I respond to this with anger or frustration, it's only going to fuel and it's going to be worse. That's right. And then you know what kind of role model as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not great. So and so you know I get it.
Speaker 2:Because, kind with kindness, you know, eventually, like they sit in. Yeah, that's right. So I try to to be the energy I want to receive. Yeah, I like that a lot.
Speaker 1:I know it's easier said than done sometimes, because when you're in the moment and there is just like a pile of things that are just you know, building up behind you, that you know add to your frustration Totally, it's quite hard to contain it all and you just want to share it.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, I think we've all been there many times, but is there anyone like you know whether that be on the Instagram or, like I don't know, on a podcast or Mom's Group or even friends Like, is there anyone like that inspires you in terms of being a parent, Something you look?
Speaker 1:up to. I think I mean to be honest. Actually I said that to Elsa today. Elsa's, like she's, you know, a single mom and I just think she has instilled so many nice things. Elsa is a ten years business partner for us who don't know this. I think she's instilled so many lovely things in Ace and nobody's perfect by any means, and that's why you know you can't really say you know who do you look up to, but I definitely think that there are so many, you can be inspired by certain aspects of different people.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and I love the fact that you know she's always had the. You know the ideas that when you know she's home, you know they get home from school or whatever they, you know they'll prepare dinner together and you know that they don't have screens on.
Speaker 2:There's no.
Speaker 1:TV. There's no TV whilst they're, you know, having dinner, and then they'll do an activity like a game or Lego, like together after dinner, like. So there's no screens during the week, you know. There's none of that, and I just feel like she's managed to tackle that. Wow, that's awesome. And so that way, screens are a sacred thing, like screens are a special thing on a Friday night. You know that movie nights are a Friday night.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it is special so there's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, elsa's definitely done a great job, especially, you know, being the mom and the dad you know. You know there are many people that I, you know I'm inspired by. You know I love, I love active parents, like I love, you know, parents who expose their kids to new adventures yeah, yeah, outdoors, same. You know, new experiences like I love that and I'm always inspired by that.
Speaker 2:Same. I think partly for me at least. It's also because it's something I'm a bit scared of doing. So I feel like and you know, you always aspire to be what you're not like if that makes sense, yeah. I don't know when I see people like you know doing all the things like, even like, I follow this influence, a couple on Instagram and they, well, they travel around Australia with like three young children, like three under two or three.
Speaker 2:And and you know, I just find it so hard to go on one camping trip and even though it's something like, I love camping and I think it bothers me that I feel like I can no longer do something I so deeply love and I see others do it. And then you're like, how do they manage it? And it inspires me, but at the same time I'm like, oh so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess you look, everybody's circumstances are different and so you can't. It's hard, it's hard to you know, not compare yourself, but it's also, you know, easy to easy to do that. So, yeah, I think all I can say is try not to compare yourself, because it's what feels right for you, yeah, but on comparing, not well, not comparing.
Speaker 2:I think one thing that's really important to me and you know I hope I can keep that up is not comparing.
Speaker 1:you know, tails progress to other children and kind of like uh, even like to the way I teach him things.
Speaker 2:I, as I said before, I really pay attention to what he's naturally interested in, so I'm not going to force anything on him, but I also like I, I don't like teaching. Oh no, I of course like teaching him things and skills, but what I'm most interested in is teaching him values, Absolutely the right values. That's for me, far more important than teaching him like, because he will learn skills. Like he will learn to sing the alphabet, so you will learn to count numbers Like eventually he will not just say that I don't.
Speaker 2:that's right, it's true, I don't measure success by. You know how much I've taught him Like yeah. It's like I just want him to be a good person and have the values that I, we as a family, share with Claremont. I think that's, yeah, that's just agree, yeah, absolutely Like that's.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, you just want them to be a good, kind, human. Yeah, it's. Everything else is a bonus.
Speaker 2:Well, I can't even imagine. You know, sometimes when you see those serial killer documentaries and you see the parents and they're like the most normal one day people and you're like, imagine you're that parent and your child turns into, how does it happen? How does it happen Like all of them have been born like that? Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:It's crazy to think that there's some sort of like nurturing in nature that stuff, that goes on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like it's either in them or it's their experiences and their influences, and that's why it's also important, right, I was reading something about that. Um, just how important it is, whether you're in a family, you know, in traditional family sort of scenario, or a single parent or whatever, like it's the people and the connections around you and how you interact with those that are super important for your child Interesting. Yeah, so it's, it's, you know, building connections and all that sort of stuff, but it affects their behaviors Because they see how you treat other people yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes sense, it does make sense. And yeah, I just found that. Yeah, that was actually part of a bit of a. The book what, um? The book you wish that your parents read, read.
Speaker 2:I I actually have um. I think I have an audio book of that, uh, that I want to read, yeah, um, yeah it's, um, it's a goodie, I think.
Speaker 1:um, I probably I've only read the blinks of it on Blinkless, but um, yeah, definitely want to read it.
Speaker 2:Um another book a friend recently shared with me. Um is called Hand Gardener Parent. Hmm, I've seen that one there. Ancient cultures can teach us about raising children. Apparently, it's a really good book.
Speaker 1:I like it.
Speaker 2:And the way she described it to me as well was, like you know, nurturing children like or basically including them as much as possible in our daily um activities to what we said earlier about cleaning. Like even if it's not necessarily helping you and it's actually making you your task a bit, uh, more difficult, but like if the child is so used to helping you clean the dishes for instance, like when they're five years old, they will be second night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, next second night, and you won't have to actually go and bribe them to do something. Yeah, that's right. It's like it's just everything becomes. Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 1:Floy, yeah, I love that it's. It is true, I mean it's monkey, see monkey do stuff as well. Like even at home, like I'll get the vacuum and you know, always vacuum up stuff, and Toby, without a doubt, will say I, he wants to do it, he wants to do it, so I do a bit, and then I do give him like the $700 Dyson to keep vacuuming with and then it falls on the floor. I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe you know, but anyway he enjoys it and he wants to do it because, one, the sound, but two, he sees me doing it, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it might be the broom.
Speaker 1:It might be the mop, like he likes the idea of helping to clean. It might be the rake outside raking the leaves, like the leaf. I love the fact that he just, you know, thinks it's, you know, because it's a grownup thing to do. They just want to copy. So totally. But yeah, you know, it's, it's instilling good things, all the copycats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've got to make sure we're good, good versions of ourselves. That's also like I feel like part of it really does motivate me to be the best version of myself, to just be a better role model for him.
Speaker 1:Certainly Do you one more question, I guess do you feel that you're the parent that you thought you'd be?
Speaker 2:Hmm, that is a really, really good question. I think so, though I think I've always I've always known that I would be like organized and have things in order and that sort of stuff. I think I am. I'm surprised that I'm much more in tune with the connection piece and you know, focused on values and that sort of stuff than you know. I don't know expecting certain achievements or successes.
Speaker 2:I mean he's still very little, but like honestly, um, I feel like growing up, it's not. It's not that I feel my parents put massively high expectations or pressures on me, but I had them, certainly for myself, yeah, and I always was a bit scared that I would project that onto my child and I just seriously don't feel at all like that, and I'm positively surprised about that because I genuinely feel Theo could do whatever he wants in his life.
Speaker 1:You would support him, be whatever he wants to be.
Speaker 2:I will support him and I just feel it's a very calming and reassuring feeling, that's just love him for who he is. Yeah, what about you, that's?
Speaker 1:so true, um, I think I'm, I'm surprised with myself, um, that, um, I can do it, that I haven't died in the process of it. Um, you know, like I, um, yeah, I just I think I'm. It's not like I never, I ever, doubted that I wouldn't be a good parent, because I, I think I always had a knack for, you know, being good with kids, like, as you know, even with my mom's friends, kids that used to come over, I would, you know, always teach them stuff, like I would, I would be the teacher, always maternal, I would get, you know, paper out, whatever, let's learn how to tell the time Draw clocks, like I don't know. I just always had this knack for you know.
Speaker 1:People you know would always say, oh, she's so good with kids, you know like, so I definitely had that Um, so I never really doubted the fact that I wouldn't be, but you also don't even know how hard it's going to be. Oh, um, definitely not, but I, I definitely am, um, you know, grateful and you know, for all the influences that I've had, um, that have, you know, kind of given me, um, you know, I guess, all the, the insights and and the knowledge on how to be a good parent and what I like about it being like what a good parent looks like, um, and that's as far as, like you know, my family versus.
Speaker 1:You know and and including you know, my ex's family, um and and his cousins, and how I've seen they are because you know, as influencers, like I've been exposed to many different families and their parenting styles, so I'm very grateful that I've had that exposure. So you do pick and choose the things that you can see and that you want.
Speaker 1:You also reject the things that you saw or experienced yourself, that you just you know so, yeah, I probably won't do that, or in my parenting style, but, um, yeah, like you know, obviously, um, you know, I love Toby for who he is and I just want him to be happy, like and and healthy and, um, you know, feel confident and secure in his own little way. Um, so I think all I can do is be there to support him to do that and, um, yeah, I just think I am happy with you, know where I'm at and I'm I'm still open to learning, so much Same same and I feel like there's always so many new things to learn and to improve and to be better, and I think it's a, it's a good notch.
Speaker 2:To finish basically by saying that it's a. You know, like with everything in life, it's a work in progress 100%.
Speaker 1:Not not denying that at all. Yeah, no, it's great chat, good chat.
Speaker 2:I really enjoyed that. We're going to put some um some of the resources we mentioned in the show notes for people to to access, absolutely. Reading a few of those books or following some of those accounts. But yeah, very good to see you and I'll see you in six weeks.
Speaker 1:My friends have an amazing trip. I'll have a little trip between yours and, um, yeah, I can't wait to reconvene and we can talk all things holidays and whatever else we've learned, we were. All right, all the best, my friend. Talk soon. Bye.
