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DADHOOD
DADHOOD is a global conversation about what it really means to become a dad, a man, a friend, and partner in today’s ever changing world.
Hosted by Thomas McMinn and Frankie Corrigan each episode explores the stories, struggles, and breakthroughs that shape the journey of modern fatherhood.
Through honest conversations with fathers, creators, and thinkers from around the world, we unpack the lessons behind love, growth, identity, and legacy.
No filters. No perfection. Just presence.
Because DADHOOD isn’t a parenting podcast — it’s a becoming podcast.
It’s for the men rewriting the story of what fatherhood can look like — with vulnerability, purpose, and heart.
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DADHOOD
I Love You, Bro Project: How One Moment Sparked a Movement
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode, we sit down to talk about something that matters more than most men are willing to admit—mental health, connection, and the power of simply saying “I love you, bro.”
We dive into the story behind the I Love You, Bro Project, founded by Joe Tuia'ana right here in Utah. What started as a life-or-death moment—when Joe helped save a man in crisis by repeating those four simple words—has grown into a movement providing free support groups, therapy, and a judgment-free space for men who are struggling.
Hosts Thomas McMinn and Frankie Corrigan break down Joe’s story, why his work is so important, and the reality of what men are facing today when it comes to mental health and suicide.
This isn’t just a conversation—it’s a reminder that showing up, speaking up, and reaching out can literally save lives.
If you’ve ever struggled, or know someone who has, this episode is for you.
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro & why this conversation matters
03:00 – Who is Joe Tuia’ana?
08:30 – The moment that started “I Love You, Bro”
15:45 – The mission behind the project
22:00 – Why men struggle to open up
30:10 – The impact of support groups & safe spaces
38:20 – Why this work is needed now more than ever
45:00 – Final thoughts: Say it more often
If this episode hits home, don’t keep it to yourself—share it with someone who might need it.
And if you’re struggling, know this: you’re not alone. Reach out, talk to someone, and don’t be afraid to say it—
Thanks for listening to the DADHOOD Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another dad who’s figuring it out one day at a time.
Yo, what's up? What is happening? Yo! Welcome to the Dadhood Podcast. My name's Frankie, along with Thomas, and our buddy Joe from the I Love You Bro project.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I'm gonna do it. So good to be here with you, brother. So good to be here with you. You guys are looking great. You're looking good, yeah. I mean, those I don't know if they make a 5X or money to get you one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Didn't I get didn't I send you down like a half? You can have a white hat. Let me let me see what size we have.
SPEAKER_02It ain't gonna be 5X.
SPEAKER_01Because we don't even have 5X. I have to go get myself special made, man. Everything for me because of big awkward Polynesian. Do you really have to get stuff like I mean? Long extra long, like the king size stuff. Yeah, because my shoulders. Yeah. Yeah, just to feel comfortable. So I try to create. I could wear like a probably a two or three X. Right. It's a little tight, though. A little tight, yeah. A little constricting. So I'd rather breathe a little bit. So it's awesome to see you guys. You guys look great. I'd love talking to you guys. So well, we love you.
SPEAKER_00And for people that don't know, I know you've been on the Dadhood podcast with Thomas before, but let's kind of get a little background. And then you were asking how we met, and we'll get to that in a second. But we want to, you know, talk about you for people that don't know Joe from the I Love You Bro project. Do you get sick of telling the story? I mean, not sick of I that maybe that's a bad question, but I mean you've told it like probably, I don't know, a thousand times by now.
SPEAKER_01Probably. I but it depends on m my current situation, it hits a little differently every time I tell it. So, you know, uh like right now, super busy, super stressed. So when I do tell it, it it hits me, you know, in the feels in a different way than it would the previous 999 times that I've told it, you know. But uh yeah, so I never do. It's a sacred experience. Um, we all have some sacred experience we were proud of that you uh that you will always hold dear to you, and it's one of those for me, you know. And so I love at the very beginning I didn't like telling it, but now since I I can see a uh measurable, observable impact that it has on people, then you want to say it more. You want to tell more people because you see how it can affect people.
SPEAKER_00So at the very beginning, you said that you didn't like telling it. Was it because it was so close and it was just so fresh?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and and my mom, so my mom's Italian, we have that connection. So, and I always say this like, I love you, mom. But my mom, she she's got she's super proud, you know, proud, proud of her kids, and she's just gotta tell, you know, people, and you know, and she started barking to the um news media, which I had wanted nothing to do with. Um, but it finally um I was convinced that the the story, which I will tell here in a moment, um, would be super impactful and could have uh you know life-saving ramifications, you know, if I could just only kind of bear down and share the story. So back in 2022, I can't believe it's been four years since it's happened. It's so nuts, man. Yeah. The way this time works. So uh in January, uh, just had an overpass suicidal experience with a a bro, uh, with me and my daughters on our way to a basketball game. Just a you want to say like a normal average Saturday morning. Um, but this one we we noticed a bro pull his car over, which was just peculiar. You know, I was like, there's one lane each way, and I had pneumonia at the time, and we were late for this game. Like everything like a dad would be like, ah, motherfucker, you know. I was like, screw this, let's let's let's let this guy be him, and then we'll just go on our freaking way, you know, to this game we're already late for. Luckily, my three daughters were all with me, and luckily they they were like, Well, I think this doesn't feel right. This doesn't look right. Now, mind you, at this time it was just pulled his car over. I was like, God, let's just get out of here. Just I kept driving. Uh, and so I would like to say that I hey yeah, I immediately turned around and I put on this kit. No, that was not the case for me. Mind you, I was also two weeks sober at the time. So I was trying, I was a functioning alcoholic. Just past the overpass down the hill there, there's a stop sign, and I stopped there, and I was looking in the rear view mirror just to see what this guy was gonna do. If he was any funny business was gonna happen. This dude ninja jumps over this freaking, you know, the this protective fencing that uh that these overpasses have to try to deter things like this from happening, and he just climbed, jumped on over, and I had my kids scream because they were looking out the back window, and I was like, you know, this come to Jesus moment where you keep driving and you know, kind of just mind your own business, so to speak. Or do you try to do an uncomfortable thing and try to make a difference? And so I was like, Oh, fine. Still in that mode. You know, again, I would like to say, oh yeah, I jumped to the rescue. That was not the case. You're just in survival mode to have bro, I was absolutely like to pride myself on being a professional human being. Uh, and I was having a professional human being experience at this time, uh, where I'm just like, ugh. So I flipped the car around and I parked the car behind his car on the overpass. So you got two cars parked in the overpass, which is super peculiar. And people slowly drive by, what's going on here? And uh I told my kids, you know, you guys hang tight. My oldest daughter up front, I said, You call the police, um, just chill. I got this. I get out the car, close the door, immediately start like profusely waterfall sweat out of my face. I remember just like every pore on my face, just drenched with uh sweat. And then I'm like, I'm gonna pass out. I'm gonna pass out right here on this freaking overpass. I cannot let this happen in front of my kids. First thing, cannot let this happen. They're watching every second of me just failing in this. I cannot do this in front of my kids. And and I want to save this guy's life. Honestly, that's exactly what how it went. First, this cannot happen in front of my kids. Second, I have to save this guy's life. Again, professional human being. I wasn't that hero, man. And uh, and so uh I said a quick prayer, um, just like, please, Jesus, let's let this guy feel your love for him. And um, and it's not like I had this magical freaking Moses water and a wine something situation, but I did feel an extra measure of uh confidence going into it. Nice, and so I was like, okay, just looking like me, just being Joe to Yana could make the situation worse. You know, I'm 6'3, 320 pounds, like just being me and approaching this guy, I could uh intimidate him, I could, he could uh all of these things racing through my brain.
SPEAKER_00All like just like just one second of like a thousand thoughts like that.
SPEAKER_01I feel like a rumination was happening within a such a short period of time. You know, and then after this prayer, I was like, okay, well, what can make myself more approachable, welcoming, warm? And I felt like, okay, well, maybe if I just open up my arms to him, like I want to give him a hug, and uh slowly approached him. And I was like, well, what what the hell do you say in one of these moments? Because it was like uh again, like this kind of matrix slow motion time as standing still but racing at the same time. And I was like, okay, what what can I say? Mind you, this is on an overpass, and it's traffic is beneath us, and it's so loud. If you've ever walked over an overpass, super loud. Well, and it rises, you know?
SPEAKER_03So it's like really loud, like standing over. And were you feeling all of that sensations or were you like so locked in?
SPEAKER_01Bro, I was I was feeling everything around me. Oh man. And and so when you add like the noise and then you add the weight, the gravity of the of the moment, yeah. It it was one of those situations where this is like uh this is the the this is the moment in my life that people are going to talk about either negatively or positively. I did feel like that, bro. And I don't think I've ever said that before. That's a lot of pressure, man. It was it did feel like that. Yeah, you know, mind you, I'm four years out from this experience. So if you would have talked to Joe the day of or the you know, the week of or even the year of, I might have had a different impression, of course, at that time. But as I've learned from myself, um, and in talking about this and processing this experience, I did feel like I, again, with my kids viewing this whole thing happen. This guy's on the ledge. And you know, uh, as I started walking slowly, slowly towards him with my arms open, I start talking. I love you, bro. I start saying it, okay. I say talking as in I'm talking, you and I were talking, but then this guy couldn't hear shit from me. Like it's so loud. It's so loud on this overpass. And was he looking at you at this point? Or is he looking at it? He was looking down. He okay. I don't think he, and I was actually hoping, I was actually hoping he wouldn't see me. Yeah, yeah. For still some fear that he he might see me and just jump. Sure. Okay. Because you hear horror stories, man. You like you hear him, you see him on the um in the movies, and I was just like, I can't be that, I can't can't be because of me, you know. And so uh so I start walking towards this guy, and then I'm like, fine, dude. I start yelling, screaming, I love you, bro, to this guy. And probably between it was probably 30 feet that I had to walk to him, maybe 25 feet. When I got within about 10 feet, he notice notices me. And then I see just the uh just the raw emotion, and I can feel like this vibe, just this sad dude. And I start I start crying before he starts crying. I am one of those guys, man. That's how I process everything, that's how I regulate everything. My set my my my happiness and my sadness. That's not a bad thing. Yeah, oh man. If I couldn't cry, bros, I'd burn this world to the ground. Like it's that one that that important to me. And so I start approaching him, and then I get right beneath him, and and he finally hears, I think, what I'm saying or yelling to him. And he starts desperately, like kind of frantically looking between me and the great beyond. And there is this moment where um where I'm like, okay, again, are you just a dude with arthritis and pneumonia and an alcoholic, and you're just gonna just turn around and walk away, or you're gonna be this is just gonna all crumble, or are can you be something more than that? Yeah. And so I was like, screw this. I jump up there like I'm freaking 18 again, grab, grab him from the other side of the fence, pull him over the lift him over the fence like he was a in a loaf of bread.
SPEAKER_00Did he fight you or was it kind of?
SPEAKER_01He very much, you know, and then after in his side of the story, he organically told me he he wanted by that point to be over, you know.
SPEAKER_03So did he look away j like when you jumped up and you went to grab him, was he looking away from or was he looking towards you?
SPEAKER_01That's uh you know, I think that's a good question. I I think in the moment he probably was still kind of doing this. Okay. There became a moment, he told me later, uh, Aaron, and I see him still fairly often. He attends our West Jordan weekly support group. Nice. Um, and so he uh there became a moment for him where he he he became he was excited to die, he said, and then that excitement turned to fear once he heard I love you, bro. And then he thought started thinking of his son. Wow, and then he and then I that he said that's when I grabbed you grabbed me, and then he almost helped me get himself. I think he started fearing for his life. So when you're saying was he looking at you, I think he was kind of like, I don't want to fall at this point. Wow, and so lifted him up, uh, slid down to the sidewalk, and then just sat and held him, and just we both were just crying together, man. He just holding on to me, and like it I couldn't let go of him and he couldn't let go of me. And we had this like perfect, like uh perfect peace, I want to call it, you know, for about 45 seconds or a minute until society started showing up, you know. Uh people started parking on the over people, it was just flooding with people.
SPEAKER_00And what were they doing at that point? Were they getting out of their cars?
SPEAKER_01Parking and getting out of the car.
SPEAKER_00And then were they saying, Can I help you? Or what were they doing?
SPEAKER_01Or so the first dude who came, first guy who showed up, which was um uh the sec I'm sorry, the second guy who showed up right after me, parked on the other side of the overpass. He actually snapped some pictures with of his phone and which and then he sent to me later, uh, which are polarizing, they're just beautiful for me pictures. And the but the guy who came after him, who actually walked over in a you know, started talking to us, he says to Aaron, yeah, or for I think he says, Is everybody alright? You know, and then we're like just kind of sitting there crying and like, yeah, everything's fine. And he's like, you know, why would you want to do this to Aaron? Jesus. Just and the second lady, or this the person after her or him, this girl comes up, and mind you, these are good people. Yeah, not trying to say the wrong thing, but uh they're trying to be they think they're just thinking they're being helpful. She comes over and she's kind of talking to me, and then she looks at her and she's like, you know, do you have kids? And he's like, Yes. And she says, You know, what would your kids think about this? And it was just one shameful thing after another. The guy literally got off the ledge, and I'm just a dude there who happened to say the right thing and do the right thing, and it just happened to work uh with Aaron or connect with Aaron. And I'm even thinking, what the hell is wrong with these people? Right. You know, you know, I'm not even in the mental health arena or you know, great. You know it's inappropriate. That is, you know, and I'm a jackass with a lot of but why are these guys, you know, why are these people, why is that the first thing they're thinking of that would be helpful yet be very hurtful at the time? And so uh after that, the you know, they came the first responders came, they were fantastic. Um, they took him to go get help. I left my number with uh with them just in case he wanted to call me, uh, Aaron. Um he never did, but I my kids helped me like they helped me get up. They peeled me off that sidewalk, bro. I limped back to the car just like any any strength the good Lord gave to me at that point to get the job done was removed from me. And I got in the car and we we actually went back to the we went to the basketball game. You did, yeah, and I sat in the frickin' bleachers like a zombie, man, just watching my kid. In fact, I think she balled out, but the second half. Um, but uh then we went home and I just was a zombie for probably a two days. Just like I can't believe, I cannot believe this just happened.
SPEAKER_00So how long with the the two days, how long did it take where you were, I guess, processing through maybe talking to somebody, or were you just kind of sitting with it yourself? Sitting with it, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was just I'm just a guy, you know, and for any guys who were who listen to your guys' show, just it's probably what most guys would do. You know, uh, you wouldn't we internalize. In fact, our data says that for most uh for most of our men, is that you just go and you feel like, okay, I I have done hard things before, I've been through hard stuff, I can do this too, I can process this too. And I was that was what I was doing for those two days. Right. And and then I finally got to a point where I was comfortable telling my siblings, my mom, which my mom shares the story. I get you know, all these news people, you know, coming. I had uh uh talk to Jim Spiwack, my good friend at KUTV2, and he does the story that goes bananas, you know, uh online. I freaking do interviews with MSNBC and Fox News, and I did this interview with this Chinese lady uh from China with the translator on the phone, bro. And like I'm just it's just crazy. And I'm just again, just like this guy who was there, and uh and I was kind of thrust into the arena of suicide prevention, mental health foreman specifically. So I he reached out to me, Aaron, from seeing his own news story. How long after that? It's probably like five or six days after that. He he uh um Facebook messaged me saying, you know, hey, this this guy, man, he's a knucklehead. He says, uh, you know, thank you for saving my life. I'm so sorry we made you late for the basketball game. The second sentence in that freaking message, this guy, bless his heart. But uh, and I was just I got this message at like 4 30 in the morning. I was bawling. And I invited him over for dinner. He came over with his uh family, his his um little son and his mom, and we had dinner and then uh gave him space to kind of talk about things. And he uh just happened to be uh a dude like a lot of us, normal guy who had a couple terrible things happen in a short period of time. For him, it was an impending divorce, and in that divorce, she said something like, you know, you're never gonna see your son again, or you don't make enough money, you know. Yeah. And the guy's just okay, well, I can't keep a wife, I can't keep a son, I'm never gonna see him. What do I have to live for? And having observed and led over 2,000 hours of men's weekly support groups, that is my observation for most men who go into suicide ideation, is similar to what Aaron's situation is. And so uh I was Googling with him right there resources for men just to go with him, just to go help him with whatever he needed. I just I am that guy. Well, I'll go with you. I'll sit through the pornography thing with you. I got no sh I don't give a shit what people think about me. I'll sit with you if you're uncomfortable. We'll go do whatever you need to do to help you. And we could couldn't find anything for for him. We there was uh some general campaigns, good campaigns, but for uh, you know, uh an open demographic, you know, nothing specifically for men, like for Aaron. And on the same Google search, we're finding that men are 80% of all suicides.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, how, just again, as a dude, how are we 80% yet we have no programming for men? That is mind blowing. It's mind blowing, bro. The billions of dollars we put into mental health for everyone, how come we don't have anything for men? And so I uh I was like, dude, I got this guy, my uh fantasy football league that's been in there for 20 years with me, who I know was a therapist, who I'll uh I'll reach out to him, see if he can give me some space. I'll start a little group with me and Aaron and some of my bros. And I did, and uh suddenly just started having all these strangers show up. Uh, word of mouth got around, and then my group was just huge in Provo. And then suddenly I'm like, what am what am I doing? Like, holy cow, what's going on here? And uh that was before I even wanted to start a nonprofit, and I was like, okay, I'll I'll start this one. Clearly, it's needed. I'll start one in Salt Lake County, and then I'm out, dude. I can't do any more. Um, I'll do this Wednesday night, that Tuesday night. Open a West Jordan one, the same thing happens. I'm like, fine, dude. Let's make this this is my life now, you know, and um fittingly called it the I Love You Bro Project. And we're the only ones in the game. We're the only ones we're we're an evidence-based, uh data researched men's mental health organization, suicide prevention or uh organization for men, only ones in the country doing it. And um now we have, man, I just opened this just last night, our 14th group weekly support group in the city of Utah, and we'll have another probably three before the end of this year.
SPEAKER_03So it's incredible, absolutely incredible, dude. And one thing, Joe, last time, and I just wanted to hit this again, because people that might not have listened to our last episode, I was asking you out of all this commotion that was happening, you have all these people walking up saying the things that they're saying, they're all focused on air and everything's going on. Did anybody look at you, Joe, and say, How are you doing and how can I help?
SPEAKER_01That's a good question. Not to my not to my knowledge. Not to my I don't think I've ever been asked that question. It's a really good question. Not to my knowledge. You know, my kids were I was limping back to the car and I had my my arms around, like just like you would imagine, my kids holding me, bearing me up to walk to the car. But if it was like a Michael Jordan coming out of the arena, there was just so many people just flooding, and they were saying nice things. Oh, can can I give you a couple of people? Can I give you a hug? Uh oh, you're a hero, and very nice things, but it was nothing like, How are you? Feeling right now, or you know, nothing like that. And I never expected anybody to do that. But uh my kids didn't even have to ask, they just knew I was struggling. And I'll tell you, when we I just had lunch with Aaron uh about a month ago, and we always talk about you know how things have been since then. We'll kind of maybe pick apart some of the the overpass story, and he'll always say, Thank you for saving my life, and then I'm always like, Thank you for saving my life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00See, and we talked about that the last time. You you do you were both right there for each other, saving. I mean, and that's and when did it hit you like he saved your life as well? Like when was that?
SPEAKER_01That is another good question. Uh, I would say probably when I didn't get I started not getting tempted to drink after that. My mind was specifically on Aaron for a while and my kids. So probably like maybe a couple months. Okay. I was like, I haven't actually this recovery thing is actually working. Wow. And I was very much, we know, I was uh um quarantining from you know, back then we still did the quarantine kind of thing. I had COVID and then it turned into pneumonia. And so I was very tempted, I was miserable. I was very tempted to start drinking again. And um that happened to happen um on the overpass. And then about a month, month and a half uh time, I was like, I haven't, wow, I actually haven't been tempted or felt like drinking. Um, and then I'm like, well, why haven't I? Clearly, it was because of that overpass. I was absolutely saved uh from the overpass from that experience. My life was absolutely saved from there. So as much as I would like to be this guy, this hero, this person, it was just another broke, a brofully broken dude, just like Aaron, uh, who both of our lives were uh just in I wasn't in a legitimate suicide crisis, but I was on my way there and I had the bags packed. Uh, and because of his um his love for me, the space that he and I created um together on on that overpass, we were both saved. And that's what the I Love You Bro Project is completely and foundationally about. Is I took the space, recreated it, duplicated it, and franchised it throughout the state of Utah to give men an overpass space like that Aaron and I had that you don't need to have all the answers. You can come, we'll listen, I'll love you, bro. And most of the time that's all we need. You know, thank God I didn't say anything more than I love you, bro. Right. You didn't need anything else. So I give all the glory to God uh for that awesome, terrible, bro, traumatizing, but amazing uh experience. I can't cross an overpass or a bridge or anything without.
SPEAKER_00I bet. I just think about we've said this before, you know, you you found your purpose, and in a sense, you help men also find their purpose. That maybe they had one at one point, but you maybe lost it. It felt like they didn't have any purpose, any any reason to live. I mean, that's what I think about the I Love You Bro project. That's what I think about what you do. Like you found a purpose, another purpose.
SPEAKER_01We have as men, and you guys can even think about this. We have as men, if someone were to come to you guys and say, What is your purpose? As men, generally speaking, we will say, My kids, my wife, maybe above and beyond that, maybe my faith to some extent, a job maybe thrown in there. Outside of that, there's nothing else. Okay. And so uh when we what happens when those things are removed? If we do get a divorce, if uh our kids do move out and go away, um, what do we do then with that energy? With that, where where's the drive come from? And our data in our weekly support groups absolutely represent a loss of purpose and fulfillment. With our guy, we're about 63% are divorced, single, separated, or widowed. And so when we're talking about uh uh any sort of a support structure, that's non-existent, even at home. They're they're not there, there's nobody physically there for these guys. And the guys who are clicking married, that doesn't represent a happy marriage, even. It just represents uh, you know, a legal union. And so um, when now with me, with my purpose, I was going through the very same thing. Like, my kids are growing up, man. My my oldest daughter went on a church service mission, and I was like, Oh no, what am I gonna do with it? And I was like, dude, what am I gonna do? And then this overpass thing happens, and I'm like, this is what I need to do. And so, our guys, what's interesting is for uh when we have a new bro come to our group, the data shows he uh it's overwhelming. 80, I think we're at like 86% come for a safe place to share or talk. But we have a 73% retention rate, which means that new guy will come back. There's a chance 73% chance that new guy will come one more time within 30 days, but the reason he comes the second time is for opportunities to serve other men. Wow. And so so guys are finding purpose and fulfillment through their participation and attendance to our groups, and through the face-to-face. We were talking about that's that connection.
SPEAKER_00It's the face-to-face connection, and Thomas and I we were we're big proponents of that. Because you know, where we are now with technology, I mean, it's there's some really good things with the technology, but it's taking us away, and if we're not careful, it's a slippery slope. It's taking us away from this. And this is what we need that face-to-face, that human connection, and and then it helps kind of cement the you know, having that purpose. And that's kind of I don't know, I think that's great that you don't do the zooms, you don't do the you do it in person.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think that for me, there's a lot of aspects in Zoom is easy. Yeah you know, and what men need is uneasy, uh uncomfortable. Uh the uncomfortable thing is always the more healthy thing. Um and so I tell these, I have guys who will say, Hey, um, uh, for example, our workshops we do once a month, mental health workshops, which are awesome. I have guys in our my Octin group who's like, Hey, do you have a Zoom option? I, you know, I can't, you know, I don't want to drive. No, I don't. You know, um, I would love it if you guys could caravan down here. And they do. That's awesome. And they come together. My guys in Roosevelt, they do. They come together, they make it a day, they have lunch, they come out here, they do this thing. So when I when I'm talking about in-person, it's it's obvious for me. The obvious is the connection to be in person, to be hands-on, boots on the ground, getting your hands dirty together. Yeah, and then there's also I need you to show up. I need you to be here. To be accountable. Yes, yeah. We are absolutely an organization of accountability. And we have like we have a night, I laugh about it. We have a 97% approval rating. Okay. And I look at the 3%, I'm like, I know those guys. I met them in our groups. Those guys are, and they probably think I'm the biggest asshole, these guys, um, because it's very uncomfortable for for men, especially to be around people who are unaccountable when you are not. Yes. It's an uncomfortable place to be. Uh and so we're at we are a place of owning it, man. Just own, own it. Just own it, bro. It's yours. You made the mistake. You you got the pornography addiction. You you you hit your wife, you went to jail. Own the own it, dude. Let's start over. Let's own it here. Right. And a lot of guys, oh no, the court made me. I don't do any court-ordered. No, bro. I don't take, I don't accept it. You can do your court-ordered shit uh somewhere else. I need you to want to be here and to put in the work to be here with us.
SPEAKER_03Right. And almost stepping in, we talk about this a lot. You got to step in and take the mask off, bro, because you default back to these things. I'm I'm my kid's dead, I'm, you know, a husband. I have this title at work and all these things. So we want to peacock out, right? Or that makes us feel like we're giving value. It's totally true. But then if you come in, you're just saying, I don't need your value props. Don't get it. This isn't a resume. It doesn't matter here. Hit me right now with the real you, the authentic you.
SPEAKER_01That's who I'm you know what's interesting too. Those uh, you know, these lions, not sheep, uh, bros out there, God bless them. Uh that doesn't last long either, bro. It doesn't last long either.
SPEAKER_00It's part of the problem. It is. I mean, it really just perpetuates what we're talking about. Cheese mode, you know, stuff it down, be a man, that kind of thing. It's like that's one, you know, that's why a lot of these men are here because of that mentality. Yeah that upbringing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, I had uh one time where I get uh I got super um um emotional and I um one time very vulnerable in a group in Provo. And I had a bro come up to like came right up to me in the group, sit down. Is there someone I should call for you? And I was sitting there thinking, why would he say this? He said this because he was so not used to seeing a man cry. Oh, he thought I was in a a like pain. Like breaking down. Yes, like I was, there was something wrong with me. Should I call 911? Wow. Because we have a we have a mentality where it is so unusual for a man to be to cry, particularly one who looks like me. Um but uh the I'd lead with that. In every group, this I say this space is dedicated for your tears. This is sacred space, dedicated for if I if guys, if you only have 90 minutes with me, let that 90 minutes be totally vulnerable and open for you. So again, you know the toughest guys come down and they lean on they lean on us sheep who know how to show empathy and uh are warmingly welcoming them and and cheering them on, just cheering them on because we do two things in group celebrate growth, celebrate wins, and honor pain together.
SPEAKER_00Can I ask you about your your upbringing, like your culture, your Polynesian? And I and I know because I've lived here since '97. So I know a lot of yeah, and I know that in within that culture, it's completely the opposite of what we're talking about, like it's that stuff it down. And and how has that been with your with your family and with your friends that are within that culture? Have have have you helped them kind of see like that doesn't work?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and and it I am in a unique situation being Polynesian too. So my being an Afakasi, which is you know, half. Um, so my dad's family's from Samoa, my mom's family's uh not. And so um even just being an Afakasi, sometimes you are made to feel lesser than some which me and my family, my siblings. I'm the youngest uh of uh all my siblings uh growing up in Chicago as a Polynesian, just even particularly different, you know, difficult. Yeah, but we just don't, I just don't care. Like I just don't give a damn. Um the Fat Samoa way is like we respect our elders, we respect God, country, culture, those things very emphatically. Um, that there is no cracks or seams for mental health that all has to fit in within those. So if you're gonna be vulnerable, be vulnerable about God. You're vulnerable, you're gonna be vulnerable about how much you love Samoa or how much you love your family. So those three things. Anything that's not inside the that arena of those three things, it's like, why would you be crying about something like that? And so there is other Afakasi. In fact, my my um provok group leader is also afakasi. And uh we talk all the time about how, because we I go to a Sahamoan church uh where the language is prominent, you know, and uh my kids do as well. I I don't feel I don't want to make sure I'm uh I want to make sure that I'm I'm not miscommunicating here. I don't feel like there's like racism or anything is the problem there. More like um if you if you were more someone, maybe you'd be stronger to to handle some of these things. Maybe if you cared more about uh you know God uh and just doing like doing the things, the checklists uh that makes God happy that maybe you wouldn't have these feelings. Maybe if you prayed more. Now that's not just particular with being Sam One, but with a lot of Christian faith, you know, it was a lot of things. But for me, especially uh we Polynesian is an abusive, uh can be an abusive relationship that a lot of our OGs, you know, like my dad was very abusive. Um, but he knew no different way. There was and so I I very much lean into, you know, it um uh the the concept that uh it ran it ran in the family till it ran into me. You know, I love that. Yeah, and so I I love leaning into that, but I'm leaning into it a lot because because there is a lot of history there um without with suppression of of feelings and emotions.
SPEAKER_03So you know, Joe, one of the things I love so much is you have so much results-based data behind what you're doing, you're you're capturing all this like information, all of these men that you're interacting with. What is one data point or one statistic through your findings that you were just completely boggled by?
SPEAKER_01One that I really love. There's so many. I'm a data guy. Um so just so the people who are listening can get some context. So every time a bro comes to a weekly support group or anything, honestly, they scan a QR code, they answer some kind of a in the clinical world, it'd be like an intake form.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_01Or for us, I I I I love you bro, it a little bit and and be more real with it. And so we collect thousands of these surveys with great questions. What emotions are you feeling? What challenges are you facing, how are your relationships, things like that. And the one the one that I always love is so men in our weekly support groups, only 8% of them will actually call or reach out to 988. Okay. It's it's staggering. So 988 is our national crisis uh hotline in chat. Wonderful resource. Um 13% of them are comfortable reaching out to their spouse. Okay. 15% are comfortable reaching out to um family members, adult children, siblings, and cousins. And what I love is that we're at about 79% of them will reach out to another bro within our groups when they're in a crisis. That's amazing. So if anything, I love that statistic because then I'm I know that men are not, I wouldn't reach out to 980.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I let's I'm gonna be real, I'm the most real person, real dude. I'm not gonna do it. But you know who I will? Someone who I have an emotional connection with that's based on emotional intimacy and transparency. And that's what these guys, we call them 2AM bros. They're making 2AM bros in group. So at least if you're not gonna, we're we're not crisis intervention, I love you, bro. We're not trying to supplant uh 988 or or anything like that. We work with them. I know they're not gonna reach out to them. Why not give them a space where they can, where we can facilitate connection that's in person and give them the best fighting chance to reach out to frickin' somebody than nobody.
SPEAKER_00And that's the only way you're gonna find because I look at you know, Tom is here. We we've been bros for a minute, and he's my 2AM bro. I've got a couple other 2AM bros as well. And that's the only way you're gonna find somebody like that is that face-to-face. And if it's at a meeting or whatever, but you're not gonna find. I mean, you're just I mean, Zoom got us through, I guess, what we needed, and when we first heard about it with COVID, but even with that, to me, it's like tricky. I was like, did it get it? Yeah, I hate, I just don't like Zoom.
SPEAKER_03Well, in this, it's there's an energy, yeah. There's a fostered energy. Well, it's physics, deeper connection, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Quantum entangled entanglement. We talk about that. I mean, there's literally stuff that we can't see that is a bond that we're right right now, all three of us.
SPEAKER_01There is the that that vibe cannot be translated. There's so much loss in translation through the electronics. Yes, you know, and you see the kids on the iPads, it's lost there too. Just like uh we're riding bikes and messing around outside. There's a lot, there's a loss there, you know, when we're when we're when we're uh making everything electronic. Right. Um, and so when when I when we force and guys, we've been wired now to do Zoom, to do the easy, they want to call it uh uh convenience, you know. I I call it just an absolute distraction and disconnection.
SPEAKER_00That's a false sense of connection.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, and all the people that are following you, they're like, I've got a network. No, you do not, bro. No, dude. And when push comes to shove, and I say this with all the love of my heart for our community and and society and the world in general, you know, many of us, I would I would say that the vast majority of us do not have what we would call a 2 a.m.
unknownbro.
SPEAKER_01They've they've made everything through an electronic, they've made everything through uh, you know, a zoom. Did it get zoom? I guess I guess it does serve its purpose as far as information, but uh I'm not about information. I'm about the connection uh that would be uh that it that it's been replaced with, you know. So yes, absolutely. The the guys have to feel like to give them the best chance, they have to feel connected to even to even feel like I would like to reach out. You know, we're just giving them the best chance we can, and the best chance is being with me in person together, like this.
SPEAKER_00Well, and it's a space to be vulnerable, and we talk about that and how powerful that is, and and talking about connections, that's that's a way to form a deep, deep connection.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it's being vulnerable with each other. Dude, Aaron and I were 2 a.m. bros. Yeah, yeah. And you don't have to have a suicide overpass experience to to have that. We just happen to have it. And now uh he showed me a text communication on his phone. He goes, Hey, Joe, check this out. And I looked at it, I looked at him like reading it, and he is telling these guys, I love you, bro. Come to group. And this is Aaron.
SPEAKER_03You know, Joe. Um so recently my family's gone through this situation, and unfortunately, uh wasn't able to reach out and get the help. So had a family member recently commit suicide, and I think about this stuff, and it makes me wonder if he just would have had a 2 a.m. row to reach out to, could that have been it? You know, and and obviously when you go through these situations, you you question a lot like could I have done more? Could I have provided more resources? And and I'm wondering, do you have any members that go that come to the network, but still, it just it just isn't enough. Bro, first of all, I'm so sorry, bro.
SPEAKER_01I'm so sorry, brother. It's tough. Suicide is so heavy, it's so difficult. And it's funny that you asked that question. This last weekend, uh, I found out that from my first group in Provo, to my knowledge, the first bro that we lost to suicide. And it struck me. It just broke me. And I'm talking with uh one of my group leaders who who made it known to me. You're going through those. And this is Joe loves you, bro, going through this thing. And I think, God, what a f what what a failure.
SPEAKER_02What an absolute failure that we couldn't save this, bro.
SPEAKER_01And I said a quick prayer, and I'm hoping the same God is listening that was on the overpass, and he made me feel this message, which was it is not your responsibility to save the lives of men. That's Jesus' responsibility. It is your responsibility to support the lives of men. I love that. And so I lean into that, brother. And I invite you to also lean into that, which is yes, I create the space. I Troy, who's this bra I'm talking about, he came, he came regularly, he put in the work, and he, for whatever reason, decided he made the choice and he ended his life, and that burden is not on me. And that burden is not on you, and it's not on the listeners, it's not on any family members who are still uh grieving, and that grief will last forever. Um a companion for life. But it is not our business, nor should we make it our responsibility to save men. That is not what we're here to do. But I absolutely 1000% believe it is our obligation to this world to support, and they can make the choice for themselves from there. And so when with the I Love You Bro project, I was I had a group communication with my group leaders to to portray that message because it was so heartbreaking for me. And it not like it's that heartbreak is gone, but it's more it's more warmed, more warmed heartbreak that I can still suffer the grief of the loss of this. But I did the best that I could. You know, I did the best. And that's all we need to do. That's good enough. You still provided the space. Still provided the space. And you know what? Let me tell you this, bros. I went to his funeral. We go to we try to go to his it's part of our post-vention programming for I Love You Bros. We'll bring a little kit, and it's a hope kit, they're tokens to help with grief and things. And I'll come wearing I Love You Bro stuff and with my guys and to these funerals and we'll give it to the family. And for Troy, he had brought his dad a couple times uh to group, and his dad saw me at the mortuary, and then he parted the waters and came in just to give me the biggest hug, and I just started crying.
SPEAKER_02And I was like, I'm so sorry. And he had the biggest smile on his face, and he said, I'm so thankful for you. Because of course I'm showing up like these guys are gonna hate me, you know. We we couldn't help him. And I'm so th and I had multiple family members come up to me. We're so grateful that Troy was able to come and participate and attend, and we're just thankful for you and and we're grateful for everything you've done. And that's all I felt was just so much gratitude and love from his family. We sat there and I grieved with them during this in his funeral. And it it was then uh again just a reminder that you don't have to be this Joe loves you bro guy.
SPEAKER_01You don't have to be um uh someone who's had a suicide prevention experience on an overpass to to support a loved one. And you can give your love and support and show up for them, and things can still not go the right way, man. Yeah, it's just life. And and that is the teaching moment of uh the year for me was this last weekend at that funeral. Wow, and so it's very funny that you mentioned that, or I would have never brought that up. Um but I mourn with you, brother. Uh I just I do, and then I hope that uh you can feel and your family can feel somewhat of that message uh that I felt this last weekend, bro. I appreciate you sharing that.
SPEAKER_00You have a huge heart, man. And we love you, and I and I've asked you this before, but like are you taking care of yourself? Like okay, because it's it's a lot, like what you see and and the connections you make and and I can and how like deeply connected we are, and I know you're like that with your bros.
SPEAKER_01You know, it starts with boundaries. I have boundaries with the I Love You Bro project that I have to have. Um, you know, particularly like our group times are 7:30 to 9. I'm like, you guys, it stops at dying, bro. Yeah, yeah. You know, uh, I gotta get out of here. I need to reserve me. Yeah, for my kids. And I uh you know, I'll give you guys my empathy, sympathy, understanding, and compassion and love for this 90 minutes. After this, I have to save the rest of it for me and for my kids. I love that. So uh and we don't do that very well, dads. Uh we don't. We we give, give, give, and reserve nothing for ourselves and call that success. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And wear it with a badge of honor sometimes. Yes, yeah. And flaunt it almost. Uh-huh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, flaunt that you don't have uh I'm just well, I'm just buried now, and I I've done all these things, and none of those things mean anything. Uh, because you you didn't reserve just a little bit for yourself. So I do. Uh thank you for asking. I I I think for me, uh I this whole I love you, bro, thing is to to I owe this to God. Uh this and I and I think He's given me strength and and power and a steadiness to maintain um this life. And this is the rest of my life. This is what I do. And it's funny is I I've told Frankie a few uh and Jess uh before that wasn't the only suicide prevention experience I've had. I've had guys break into my house. I've had uh you know, guys bring gun weapons to presentate. That's just being this person almost invites some of these things. That's that is the arena of uh mental health that I'm in. Man's mental health is that's just gonna happen, you know. And I jokingly, I know it's morbid, but I jokingly just think, you know, if this is the way I go one day from a bro who just you know wasn't well, I would be dying doing what I love. You know, first a dad, second is I love you, bro.
SPEAKER_00Well, I pray that's not the case.
SPEAKER_01I pray too. I got a lot of work to do. Yeah, still got a lot of work to do. Absolutely. But I I do. I I I live for this space. I just absolutely commend you guys. I'm being able to create, create a space. And that is the invitation I would give to anyone listening. Creating the right space will always be better than trying to say the right thing. Ooh, okay. Just the space has to be created first. It wasn't really I love you, bro, that got Aaron off the over. It was this space of welcoming and love before I even said I love you, bro. We can create that space around ourselves in our homes. Why do we even have to have support groups? Why do why can't that be in the home with relationships? And you know, uh, unfortunately, that's not uh that's a perfect world that I'm aiming. I'm aiming to get something close to it. Yeah, uh, but for now, we have these spaces where they can, but they work because of the this space that I've created. We can do that. We can do that as an individual.
SPEAKER_00It feels like a shift, and it does. It's easy in even since like getting to know you for the first time, and then since what you've been doing, and then kind of what we're doing with dadhood, it does, it feels like there's a shift in that. That's change. I mean, that's whether it's small or big, I mean, it's small amounts of change that lead to to big change down the line.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're failing forward, man. Absolutely. We're falling upstairs on some of this awesome stuff, you know? And and I will fall and I'll fall with you guys, you know, and we'll get back up. I love it. And we'll fall again. And uh, I'm I'm willing to accept that for the rest of my life. I've falling and falling and falling, but it's gonna be forward and forward and forward at each time. And so the space you guys have created for all of your guests, it's it will in in fact be a lifesaver for many people. And so I I commend you guys and I I love you, bros. We love you, man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're doing a great thing, man. We love you. All right. Hey, so you've got the walkthrough fire then. Is it another one coming up in June?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we got one in June, June 20th. Uh, it's a Saturday, so it's 5 to 9 p.m. I don't actually have flyers out yet. Same location, or it's actually at a Lehigh High School's main dude, it's right off Lehigh Main Street. Perfect. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be way bigger than uh last year. I was gonna have Governor Cox, he was gonna speak and he could end up gonna make it. He's gonna make a video, I think, for me, um, and said promoting it. But uh we're gonna have uh speakers there, but it's gonna have I think we're this year we're gonna have 50, 60 different mental health, physical health vendors there, resources for people to come and uh just to come be in a space where, again, a space where you can grieve, we can celebrate, we can laugh. Sunset, we'll walk through fire together. You know, we'll do powerful, man. We both did it.
SPEAKER_00We did it with our families. It's awesome. It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01It is so cool. You can do freaking hard things. You want to walk for yourself, you want to walk through with your family, you want to walk whatever. Just walk with us, man. And then uh we do it right when the sun's going down. We hit those fire, uh the fire coals uh safely, very professionally facilitated. Um, but we do it uh uh with together um as bros, and uh we do it with uh uh in our heart that it's just like okay, we we can make an impact. Uh we can take small steps forward through the coals and all the difficult stuff together, right? We can do that stuff.
SPEAKER_00I love it. We'll put all the information within the podcast description, Joe. We love you, bro. Love you, bro. So make sure you check out dadhood.co, check out the dadhood podcast. Absolutely. Run Spotify and Apple Podcasts, all the platforms.
SPEAKER_03Keep showing up, being the dad you're meant to be. Love you, bro. Love you. Love you, bro.