Have We Become The "Get Off My Lawn" Dads?

This week on DADHOOD, Thomas and Frankie ask a question many parents eventually face:

Have we become the "Get Off My Lawn" dads?

After a late-night encounter with neighborhood teenagers causing chaos in the street, the conversation turns into something much deeper—respect, accountability, peer pressure, integrity, and what it means to raise kids who think for themselves.

The guys share personal stories about standing up for what's right, speaking out when witnessing bullying, teaching kids how to navigate social pressure, and why character matters more than popularity.

We discuss:

•  Raising respectful kids 
•  Parenting through peer pressure 
•  Why independent thinking matters 
•  Standing up for others 
•  Integrity and leadership 
•  Social awareness in today's world 
•  Teaching kids confidence and courage 
•  Why your children are always watching 

If you've ever wondered how to prepare your kids to make good decisions when you're not around, this episode is for you.

Chapters

00:00 – Have We Become The "Get Off My Lawn" Dads?
03:12 – Late-Night Teenagers In The Neighborhood
07:05 – Respect, Noise, And Community Awareness
11:28 – The Challenge Of Wanting To Fit In
16:42 – Teaching Kids Independent Thinking
21:15 – Following The Crowd vs Doing What's Right
25:55 – Speaking Up When You Witness Disrespect
31:20 – The Natural History Museum Incident
37:08 – Why Kids Need Adults To Say Something
42:15 – Guilty By Association: A Powerful Parenting Lesson
47:55 – Standing Up To Bullying And Racism
53:10 – What Makes A Great Leader?
58:15 – Seal Team 6, Integrity, And Character
1:03:25 – Teaching Through Stories Instead Of Lectures
1:08:40 – The Beauty Of Walking In Silence With Your Kids
1:13:50 – Authenticity, Self-Awareness, And Growth
1:19:10 – Learning From Honest Feedback
1:24:20 – Taekwondo, Failure, And Self-Compassion
1:30:15 – Final Thoughts & DADHOOD Updates

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Yo, what's going on? What's up, buddy? Welcome to the Dad Hood Podcast. Welcome, my friends. My name is Frankie. And I'm Thomas. So uh we're gonna start it off. I guess it was not a late night last night, but you said it was uh sometime in the evening you put the boys down to bed and you heard some yelling outside.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Yeah, so the thing is I've tried to like up their bedtime routine to like closer to nine. Yeah. They're still little. I want to make sure they get plenty of sleep, right? True. And nine is still early in the teen world, right? That's just like we just probably woke up and we're getting ready to go out and romp the neighborhood while these kids were just in the circle, man. And it was I was watching them, they had one of those e-bikes, and one kid was tethered to a rope on a s on a long board behind him, and the kid on the e-bike had a helmet, he doesn't have a helmet, but I'm like, whatever. And it's at night and it's not a good evening time, and they're a combination. They're going up and down my street. Okay, and that street's pretty steep coming down. Like you can haul, right? It's yeah, you don't need to be towed behind an e-bike. No, no, no. And I was like, okay, that's efficient going up, but dude, coming down, you're you're on a whole different game. So they're in the circle. This car's like honking its horn, like eh, just laying on the horn. Wow. They start yelling at each other, and then they're just So were they kids honking or were they adults honking? It was in the kids. No, I and that's what I thought it was at first. I was like, oh my God. Because I hear the one got kid, he like yells, he's like, ah, and then he's like, like something, and then he's like swearing. And I thought, oh my god, like one of the neighbors tagged one of these kids on the thing. So I'm like, I'm gonna go out. I do want to say this really fun, like quick. So Jackson's looking out the window. Okay, because it's we have the windows open, it's it's feels nice. Yeah, Jackson's looking out, and and I'm like start, I just start heading down. I'm like, what the hell? I think I said that or something. I start going down the and I hear Jackson out the top of the window. Oh shit. He thought I was going out there to fight these kids. Oh boy. I was like, I should, I should have looked at him and been like, buddy, no, it's all good. I'm not isn't that interesting though that he thinks that like he went right to oh I hear him, oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

And maybe the truck crossing the street down there on Wasatch, maybe that's kind of like a little triggering. He knows that like uh oh dad's that dad is capable of like getting it in getting into it with somebody.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

I mean, really, and I try like dude, I've come a long way from from that. But um, I wanted to go out there. One, I wanted to make sure that some kid didn't get tagged right in front of my house. I'm like, oh my gosh. Um, and two, I wanted to go out there too. Like, guys, it's it's nine. I understand you don't have anything going on in summertime, have fun, but like there are families in here, and we're trying to get our kids maybe down, or maybe not. Maybe there's people that just want to enjoy watching television. We don't want to hear kids out here screaming, screaming the F-word and and honking your laying on your horn.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

And I think that's it right there. Honking the horn and swearing. Yeah. Because I've noticed we in our neighborhood, like we'll be driving, and usually around summer, and the kids, like you said, you know, you don't have to get up, the kids are staying out later. But it's the swearing at each other. Like, teach your kids you don't do that sort of thing. Because even with Axel, we've talked about this. I mean, he's almost 10. Around the house, he can say some of the sure, some of the common ones. He doesn't no F-word, but he can say shit, damn, you know, hell, that kind of thing. But as you get older, you know, there are there are consequences with those words, and it's just disrespectful when you have teenagers screaming to other teenagers, and they're kind of playing, but they're yelling across the street in downtown holiday at an intersection. We're sitting there, windows down, and you've got one kid sitting at Harman's saying, you know, F you to the other kid over at Tony Burgers. Yeah. Right? And they're kidding around, but it's like, dude, that is so tacky.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Oh, bro. And disrespectful. And it's not, it's very different, like you said. It's the way we use our words, right? These kids are yelling it. It's not just like you hear them say something, they're laughing, and they're just like nonchalantly talking. Like they're screaming it, dude.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

So are we the dads that are saying get off our lawn? I hope that's not the way it's coming across because I don't want I don't want to be that guy. Because I think we're pretty realistic with, but I think that does cross the line.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Well, and it's like, at what point do you have to not become that guy? It's like when I went out and I opened up the door, like they all looked at me and I was like, Oh, I don't want to be the buzzkill. I don't want to be the You don't want to be the guy. I don't like get off my I don't want to be that because I like it's look, it's a it's a public road. Like enjoy it, have fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

But it does take a village to an extent, like with that. Like you you gotta have some respect. And if if your parents aren't telling you, like, look, man, just be like, I I'm sure it sounds like the message that you had to him was like, just be respectful of where you are. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

And that's how loud you are. That's what I said to the guys like, hey guys, have fun. Like, I want you to have fun. Be aware, it's like social awareness. There's such a lack of it. So, what did they what did they say? One kid was like kind of cool with it, the other guy that was in the truck was like, grab on the truck, dude. And he's like, he's still like ramped up, like you know, and then the kids are grabbing on the back tailgate of this truck, as you're kind of talking to him as I'm talking to him, and then they're getting ready to go back up the street again, and I'm like, Again, I'm not gonna be the guy that's like, I'm gonna chase these kids down. Like, that's nonsense. It's always in these groups. You can tell the one or two kids that are like, uh, I think we're out of line, dude. And then there's just the others that are like, this old guy needs to shut his mouth. Like, there's no respect. You can see like one or two kids always that I'm like, okay, that kid understands what's going on, but he's also trying to fit in with his friends.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

See, and I have those conversations with Axel about just that, like, because you're gonna be in those situations. I told him, You're gonna be in a situation, so he's getting ready to go into fifth grade. And the last couple of years, he's had some kids, it was I think more so last year than this year, kids that were disrespectful. And then he's talking about like uh apparently like the fifth graders, the one to him or to like other people, teachers. Uh oh. And just to the class and just being disrespectful.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

So I'll say to him, You gotta independently think for yourself. Don't go along with it. Even in the collective, even in the collective, you just have to think, yeah. You have to be an independent thinker. It is, and I said that and I get being in that situation where you want to be cool or not cool because you're saying something. Yeah. I said, but you know what's right and what's wrong, and you can't you can't just go along with it because the other kids are doing it. And he goes, No, I I I don't. And I said, and you're gonna make mistakes as you but I'm just telling you, as you get older, that's gonna get worse. You're gonna have situations where you want to fit in. Yeah. And you know what is right and what is wrong and what you shouldn't be doing. Like having these conversations. I can remember doing stupid shit when I was young, but I can also remember at a young age as a teenager going, dude, that's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

That is not cool. Is that like after the moment, though?

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I because I think about that also during.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Oh, yeah, like in school, somebody, you know, making fun of somebody else. Sure. And you know how everybody kind of piles on. Oh, yeah. And to be that kid in that moment going, that's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

You know something's not right, and to stand up for another person, not only yourself, but stand up for another person if you need to, or just the the fact that you're being an asshole. It's okay to call those kids out. But I I think it's so hard on it. It is hard, and I think it's hard easier said than done. I think that's the thing. But I like those kids that you could tell that they knew it wasn't cool, and it sucks that I don't know. I just it would be nice to have like a kid go, Yeah, he's right, like, dude, let's just keep it down. Just let's keep it down.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

But you can realize that those kids within the pecking order of the friendship weren't the ones that are the ones making the decisions, right? The followers. Yeah, and it's like you get it. I know, dude. And it's like it, but sometimes it does. It even takes the follower to look and go, hey guys, that guy's being so cool. Like, he's right, let's just like go down here or let's go to a park or let's you know get out of a neighborhood and do some of this stuff. I mean, I don't want him going out on the main road doing the stuff they were doing, but it's like let's go somewhere else. And this is something I've thought about too, because I think society as a whole kind of shits on teenagers, like doesn't really set up a good environment for them. Kind of sets them up to fail things. Yeah, like doesn't set up like places where they can hang, like places where it's like they can quote unquote loiter and just like be, right? And yell at each other and it's not disturbing like the immediate neighborhood. Yeah, because I don't think innately they're trying to be like mischievous. Yeah, I think they're just trying to have fun and identify with who they are and stuff, and they need society to sometimes show up for them rather than being like those damn teenagers again. Because that's what happens, right? That's what happened to us growing up. I I feel like we're doing it again, and I don't know the answer or any kind of solution for that, but I feel like like I'm hoping when my boys become teenagers, I can have a little more bandwidth and understanding that they need a space and try to like help them navigate that so that they can they can go out and have fun, but they're also being respectful to other people, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

So speaking of the respect thing, and this is this popped into my head when we're talking about it. So we went on a field trip this past year with Axel and his classmates. So Tammy and I got a chance to volunteer and be chaperones. And it was at the Natural History Museum, and we we were in charge of you know the handful of kids, and so there was one of the kids that was near us that's in his class, but the one kid made this one of the the the kids that came up was Asian, and then the kid walked away, and then he did the thing with his eyes. The one, yeah, okay. And I saw it happen, and then the other kids laughed. And Axel wasn't anywhere near him, but but I know this one kid that did it, and I said to Tammy, Did you see that? And she said, Yeah, and then she was like, Don't don't say something. So I didn't. So I missed that window, and as as the window's closing, because I was gonna go back and then I was like, That window's closed. Sure. I was gonna go up and basically say, Dude, that's not cool. You don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

And then leave it at that.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

And Tammy was like, No, like, because she was thinking it's not like our place, and you know, and I get where she's coming from, but at the same time, I wanted to, and I and it, and it really inside I had this conflict because I'm like, no, I need to, and I didn't. And and then after that, like, as that moment kind of came and went, and Tammy and I were talking about this, and I said, All I was gonna say to him was, dude, that's not cool. I was gonna yell at him, yeah, but you know what you did. It that you don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

And then leave it at that. And as time went on at the history museum, natural history museum, we're walking around, and Tammy said, You know, I should have let you go up and say something to him. Because she knows, like, old Frankie may, and I I don't think I would have done this with a kid. I wouldn't have gotten out of line with this kid. Sure. Even old Frankie.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Uh, but I but I do know like what she's talking about is I might, you know, raise my voice, or it might get perceived as like he was angry and it wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

I'm just the way that they see us discipline our own kids at times, yeah. The way we would show up that we've been working hard not to do. Exactly. I get it.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Yeah, I get it. And so I I totally understood where she was coming from. But she she did, she came back and she was like, I I wish I would have let you just go say something to him. And I said, Yeah, because I I just I I now I I can't go back and you know, like see him again and be like, Hey, remember like two weeks ago what you did? Not cool. In the moment, it would have been so much more impactful.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

And we kind of need that right now in society. Well, I mean we big time need it in society, dude. That reminds me. So Katie wasn't with me this one morning. I'm dropping off the boys and I'm watching Liam and Jackson walk together. They go around the corner towards the back of the school, right? And as I'm like pulling around, I see this kid in Liam's gr like class, and Liam's older, come up and shove Jackson. Like shove Jackson. And then so I stop, I look, and the kid does it again. Bro, I got out of the car. Wait a minute, who is this kid that's doing it? He's supposed to be one of Liam's friends. Oh wow. So I get out of the car, and I'm not gonna say the kid's name, obviously, on here, but I like I used my dad's voice, everybody in the whole area stopped. Yeah. I mean, parents, everybody stopped, and I looked right at the kid and I said, You do not do that. You do not have the right to put your hands on anybody, and you will not touch Jackson like that ever again. Do you understand me? And he looked at me and I said, No, I need you to verbally say, Yes, I understand you. Good. And I did, like, and I wasn't close to him, I was far enough away, and he's like, Yes, and I said, Thank you. Don't do that again. And I went and I got in my car. It was a moment where you could, if it was a piece of it with a knife, slice this, yeah. And I was like, but this has to be done. Those kind of moments, I wanted everybody else too, that's in the any of the other kids that are seeing this, all the kids, that is not cool. You know what? That dad is right, that's not cool. We don't do that. Good. And maybe they're like, that Liam's dad's a jerk. I don't care. Doesn't matter. Somebody has to say something, dude.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Because that's the problem, I think, with where we are now as a world is somebody needs to say something. Now it's like the toothpaste is out of the tube.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

And and we're just in this crazy, turbulent time right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Say, do, act any way you want, and it's okay. Yeah. And it's like it's not. It's it's so weird because we also get the reverse message that it's like, be unique, be an individual. But it's like being rude isn't being unique. That's just being rude.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Yeah. Like, right? Well, and going back to that that situation that happened at the Natural History Museum, uh, I did bring it up to Axel.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Because it's, you know, somebody that he knows. But he w he didn't witness it. He didn't see it. He was nowhere near because you know, the kids just kind of they're everywhere, you know. It's like wrangling kittens, and you're trying to keep an eye on the kids that you're supposed to keep an eye on. Um that's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of but I love it. But it is pressure because especially when they run off and you're like, dude, you gotta stay with the group.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

You know, where's Timmy? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Exactly. I did say to him though, after the fact, and like I think it was later that day, here's what what I witnessed, and just talk through it with him about how it was wrong, what he did. Again, going back to like if you're with a friend and they do that, you need to speak up and say that it's wrong. You you you speak up, you think independently, and you don't go along with it. You don't not say anything. In a sense, you're complicit with that in a situation. If you're with a group of friends and they're making fun of somebody like that, yeah, if you're complicit.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah, exactly. You're within uh the scope of the situation, you're agreeing with what's going down.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

One of the lyrics from Lincoln Park, there's a lyric that's guilty by association. He's a big fan of Lincoln Park, so I use that line a lot. I said, you know, though, you know, guilty, guilty by association. I said that, and he wanted to know like the first time he heard that. What does that mean? I explained to him and I said, That's what that is. When you're in a situation like that, you see it happen, it's not you that did it or said it, but you didn't say shit. Yeah, guilty by association. You're complicit in that whole little moment there that you know is wrong, even though you didn't say it or do it, you didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

So anyway, yeah, it's like it, but I I do know that it's hard in that situation, especially different in and and Axel's a different kid. I mean, he's very sweet and very not soft spoken, but he doesn't want to, you know, he's stir the pot. He doesn't want to stir the pot. There's a difference between stirring the pot and standing up for somebody or yourself.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Well, and it's also gonna be scary that you're like, if I say something, they're gonna turn on me too. True. And maybe they're scared of that kid. Yeah. Dude, I I love that you actually incorporated the Lincoln Park lyric and that song into the message you're trying to teach. I believe that that's one of the best ways to parent right now because if any of the listeners are like me, you just over teach, you over-explain every damn situation. Yeah, that's I'm Charlie Brown parents left and right right now. So I'm like, I'm constantly looking for something on social media that relates to an interest that they're in or someone that I know that they respect, yeah, so that I can play a clip from them and not even say anything about the message. Um, just the other day, Liam really likes special forces and things and this Simon Sanook writes a lot of books about like behavioral elements and things. Well, he was talking about he had an opportunity to interview the head trainer for SEAL Team Six. Oh wow. Okay. And he said, So, in order to for a Navy SEAL to try to get on SEAL Team Six, they have to have been a SEAL for five years. Okay. And then they're applying for SEAL Team Six. These are all warriors at this point. Like, and so Simon asked, How do you differentiate or choose who's gonna be on the team? And he said, I basically take um an an ax an access here and and here, and I say, Okay, here's like competency is up and down. They all are like great warriors, they all have the same a lot of the same abilities. But he says, Here though, I put value, right? And he goes, I don't want somebody that has a lot of skills and with zero value. Yeah. And he goes, I would rather take someone with mediocre skills and high value because when you have someone that becomes a team leader with a lot of skills and low value, it destroys the team. They're setting that tone. And so I just played this clip for Liam. And Liam said, he's like, What like what makes like the value, Dad? And I said, That's integrity, buddy. I said, and what builds integrity is someone that always does what they say, they tell the truth and they act in a way that represents them and their team the best. It's not just about them succeeding, it's about the team succeeding. And I go, when you come to the table with these skills, you become a real leader. I could see him like he was processing. Yeah, he was processing it.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

And all that because it came from that because it came from somebody else telling the message. That's funny. I do the same thing when I see something come in, and it's the same thing because if that's the same concept that I have, is like it's it's gonna, I think, resonate more when he sees it, yeah, as opposed to me going saying the same thing. Right. Because it's just gonna be like in this ear and right out the other year. Oh, yeah, if I'm saying it. It's like, oh, they're just trying to teach me something, we go, can't we just sit here and not have to be a lesson about this or that? And I think I've gotten a lot better at that. I feel like I struggle with it because it's like I feel like if I'm you know with him, I mean, obviously I'm bonding with him, yeah, but I feel like I've got a moment or moments to maybe connect in that way and maybe kind of teach. But I'm getting better at like, I don't know, almost like Jedi mind trick kind of stuff where I'll as we're playing, and then I'll just a small little conversation, I'll slip it in there and then that's it.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Just like those little micro moments. I was really struggling it with the other day because Liam's like, Dad, can we just go for a walk? And in my mind, I'm like, cool, he wants to talk about something. Yeah, but he just wanted to go for a walk and we're in the neighborhood, and I was like, going, and I'm like, So what's going on, man? And I'm and then I realized at one point I'm like, okay, I'm prying. I'm trying to get something out of him. Yeah. Maybe he just wants to be on this walk.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah. Maybe he just knows that that because we talk about the importance of walking, yeah. And it's so simple, but it's so important how it literally can regulate your central nervous system and everything, but but it really just regulates you.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Yeah. So that's what it ended up being, dude. We just I we talked about a few things, yeah, but honestly, there was a lot of silence. And I thought, this is kind of weird at first. I want to know my son more, I want to hear more. And then I thought, but how beautiful is this, also. We can walk in this moment, we don't have to say anything, and we can just create this space with each other.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

And think about that, the the I guess the beauty of that silence as opposed to, and I think you know what I mean. Like you could be walking with, you know, your mother, your father, a loved one, a spouse, and not saying anything, and there's tension. There's tension, you know what I mean? 100% where you're like, oh god, or you're waiting for like what is this person gonna say to me? What uh am I in trouble? Uh you know, what am I gonna say to them? Like silence, like silence is not like you know the relationships where silence is not good. No, and it's very uncomfortable. Yes. So the beauty of you guys, like when you figured out like he just wants to walk, how just here together, dude. How cool is that? It took me so long, not took me personally, but being with somebody. Like when I was it, I was in a relationship prior to Tammy, and it wasn't that where we couldn't just sit and be. And it was so hard because I was not used to that. Their upbringing was completely different. Their, I think love was equated to chaos, and you know, if you're not fighting, you're not in love. And I think that was just their upbringing that was ingrained in them, and it was so hard. And I was in this relationship for a long time, tried to make it work. If you're not used to that, sort of even if you are used to it, that it's not good for your system.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Constantly in that fight or flight mode. Yeah, like you you're never stepping out of that. I remember because growing up constantly looking for attention, feeling that my worth was always tied to being productive. Yeah, I was the guy that would just talk and talk and talk, but in the sense of, hey, look how cool this is that I'm doing. And it was like a me monster. That's what I had to like called it like a me monster.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Didn't you have somebody? Yeah, it was a girl that kind of called you out with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah, all you do is talk about your dams. And I'm always like, don't come after me. So anyway, yeah, this past week.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

I'm like, that's I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm doing this through that. What age again was that? Because I know we talked about that in one of the episodes. What how old was like like in your 20s, early twenties, or yeah, like late twenties.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Late twenties. Late 20s. Wow. Like, yeah, late 20s took a long time to realize that. And I think part of it also was I had a wake up call with Katie in the sense of if I I can't authentically show up and be okay with just who I am. Yeah. But I'm going to lose this relationship. Like I f I I could feel that in my in just in my soul level. And it was kind of not only that that moments like that, but other things that I'm like, if she can't accept me for who I am at this point, I'm also okay with things ending. Does that make sense? But I'm also willing to lose it in order to show up really who I am. Well, it goes back to the integrity.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

I'm not gonna be somebody that I'm not to be with somebody.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

And it's scary, dude. When you like genuinely woot take off that mask and you're like, here I am, I'm not perfect. I've got, you know, this, this, and this, and the person still's like, okay, I'm down. Then you're like, ah, now we can really build something.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

At what point? So when you were told that by that one girl, uh-huh, you said it was late 20s, and then when you met Katie, so what was the So I was already with Katie at this point.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Like Oh, okay. So it was one of the things that was not someone like this that you were dating. It was someone I was dating. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Just like in a friend's situation.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

It was like at a bar, and my friend was like with this girl, and it was like her friend that happened to be there, and we were just like all drinking and I was chatting, and she's like, Man, you just you never shut up, you only talk about yourself. And I was like, I was like, Whoa, I respect and appreciate that now.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Yeah, there's also a way to say it, you know, and and be cool about it.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

I guess it's but I needed to hear it that way because I didn't have any like there was no context with her outside of the fact that she's just this stranger, yeah, and we're all just like sitting here chatting. So I almost needed to hear it that way.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Would it have been a dating relationship? I would have been like, Screw you. Yeah, like all right. I'm not calling you again. And I know exactly what I would have done because I used to, instead of facing and having a real deep and hard conversation with somebody, I would have been like, I'm out, and I just would have left.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

External feedback is a good thing. I do think there's a way to say something, you know what I mean? Not being an asshole. And and if you're cool with her being that way, that's great because it did, it was impactful. Yeah. And you thought about it and were reflective. Yeah, I think external feedback is a is a great thing. It's just maybe how you're hearing or how somebody's saying it to you.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

But it's challenging to package that right to that would be a tough one, dude.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Yeah, that would be a tough one to say, you know. Maybe because there was no relationship and she's just like, I got nothing to lose, but you're you're just and maybe she was just pissed like that night. Like, I'm trying to get an award ed edge wise.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

And at this point, I was a few drinks in. So I'm glad I'm glad I actually was able to hear what she said. Because having a few drinks, doing my thing, I do recall like being like, Well, you just suck, whatever. Then after it was like, huh, maybe she was right. Not that I care about going back and never being like, Oh, you were right, because there was no, again, no context in that other than you're, you know, someone that my friend's friend, you know, like kind of situation. But I almost wish she would have been more a friend to me. Yeah. So I could have gone back and been like, you know what? Thanks. Like you said it super like harsh, but it's I needed to hear it. I needed to hear it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Well, and I I told you years ago it was uh it was like a consultant that told me, and you know, I worked and still work with you know, obviously in the audible space, but when I was working on the radio, this consultant said, You talk over people. That was hard to hear, but that was I think the start of me. First of all, I was like, Yes, I do that. And then it took me probably at that point a year or two to connect the dots of where it came from, and that was my upbringing. It was the people in the house that just and still, like I told you, my mom is still that way where she'll just she'll talk at you and talk over you. A lot of the time, like my brother, my ma, people in my family, they just talk over you and they just want to be heard and they're not listening, and that's what I did for many years. So, wait, this consultant said a one-on-one? Or how did this consultant bring it up to you? Listening to the show, you know, like back in the day, you get like air air check sessions, is what they would call it. And so the consultant was brought in to listen to our show and kind of pick it apart. That's what they do, you know, that's what they get paid for. Uh, but that was something that was hard to hear, but yeah, I was like, okay, I want to fix that. And I had worked hard over the years, you know. But then that there's that professional context where I was working on it, and then it took me a minute to realize personally, I obviously, but it didn't connect for me at the time. Like, obviously, I'm doing this in my personal life. And then as I was trying to stop it or break that habit, I was able to again connect where it came from all the way back to childhood, and and it still continues with certain family members.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

So when you heard that, did you feel like you had to go the opposite, like a full different direction, meaning like you almost spoke less? Or do you feel like it was just kind of okay, I'm catching myself and being aware of it in this moment? Because when I heard the you only talk about yourself, you you talk too much, I kind of went for a little bit the extreme opposite, and I just wasn't saying anything when I was around.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Well, because it probably hurt and it probably shut you down. Sure. So I get that, and yes, it did hurt me to hear that. I can't remember exactly, but I think it did kind of make it feel like I didn't want to speak, even though that's what I'm doing for a living. Right. So it's a little difficult in that, but it also forced me, it forced me to listen.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

You and I constantly are working on it, and some days I'm like, What like why do I try to improve myself all the time? And I think we've we've had a conversation about this. Like, sometimes can I just be like, this is who I am? And I think we should sometimes say, This is who I am.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Yeah, I want to try to be a better version, but yeah, I don't think we should be so damn hard where you're just overthinking everything, and it's like, was that a good parenting move? Was that a good spouse move? But but recognizing like I could have done much better in that situation, yeah. Knowing that maybe I was the cause of it or something that I lacked added to this, and then all of a sudden we've got a a situation.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Oh, totally. I mean, and when it comes to other people, totally the that repair model has you have to hit that. Like we have to take that burden off of the next generation. Like our shit doesn't have to be their shit. Like, honestly, like I love your the whole like raft thing. It's like I don't, dude, I don't want to hand them a raft, I want to give them a life jacket, not a raft, right? You know, that's something that doesn't serve them, you know.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

But yeah, it can it can be daunting, like if you're always in your head. Like anything, man. It's that with our previous guest that we had on Veronica, I like the the term alignment as opposed to balance. It's just finding that alignment. I want to be and recognize certain things, but where you're constantly thinking about it and overthinking, then that that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

Speaking about that, I got one for you. Um testing.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

I did that level test just last Friday. Friday. Kind of explain for the listeners and for for me, because it just came out it came out of nowhere. Yeah, it did come out of nowhere. It came out the night before. What's that all about? Yeah. Because normally you have weeks of like prepping and gearing up for it.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Well, yeah, in the traditional sense, I'm like, I'm usually talking to them about, hey, I think I'm ready for my next level test.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

And so then I know I'm in the mental space of like, I've got to put in the work, I've got to start training harder, right? Yeah. So for the listeners, um, I'm going for my third degree black belt. And it's a two-year process from my second degree till this third degree, which would be next November, I can test. In between that, you have to do level tests. So you'll learn um not just your new form, you'll learn new self-defense, new dagger form, new sword forms in each new level. So you'll have four new ones for the next test in all of those different categories: four new traditional forms, four new uh dagger forms, four new like sword forms, and you have to demonstrate each one of those levels throughout it so that you can test for the big one which you have to know all of it. Like I said, usually I get a heads up that it's been a while in order to keep you on track, you need to test this month so that you can actually do the black belt qualification test, and we could submit all your paperwork because this paperwork goes to Korea, it's certified as a Kookywan in Korea for their acknowledgement that you are this dawn or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

You usually get ample notice.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

So literally the night before, this is Thursday, testing's Friday, at the end of class on Thursday, Master Peter's like, and we're passing Thomas for the next level test, and everyone starts clapping. And I'm like, I'm also on the back end of like there was two, and I'm trying to remember what the two other like depressing things that were on my mind. Oh, Liam had just broke his arm that week. Yeah. So Friday, that next that day, we were taking him in to the orthopedic specialist. Like there was a lot of things. There was like three or four like things like that on top of this. So I just wasn't in the right head space. Anyway, I go do the I go to do my test, and Frankie, you know how serious I take taekwondo. I'm doing one of my forms and I just keep fucking messing up, dude. I'd get to this one spot and I mess up, and I'm in my head now, like I I am genuinely forgetting what the next move is. And the room's packed full of people, which push the pressure. Master Kwan's watching, which adds more pressure. Just kind of make up the two moves, and then I remember the rest, and I we go back. She's like, Thomas, I want you to do that again. Now she's like calling me out, yeah, which I don't like to not be correct, right? So here I go again, I get to the same damn spot, bro, and I go blank again. And I paused for what felt like a minute, it was probably like two to five seconds. Felt like a minute. I remembered it and I do the form right. Then I go to do my breaking at the end. It took me three times to do this break, and realizing after that the way they were holding the boards wasn't right for the break I was trying to do. It was one I had never done before. Dude, you could see it. They have like Katie and the boys took a video, but I look so defeated, dude. Next day, while I'm saying this, I walk in to drop the kids off for summer camp after the weekend. Master Susan's like, hey Thomas, come here. And I'm like, Yeah, and I I pop in. I'm just having she's like, what happened with your form? And dude, I just straight up looked at her and I go, You have to bring this up? I go, I was beating myself up, genuinely beating myself up in in my head all weekend. I was just off. I don't know what happened. I forgot. She's like, Yeah, I was wondering what was going on. She's like, you know, not is everything okay? Yeah. It was like, I was wondering what was going on. I didn't know why you for forgot this and this. And I was like, Yeah, it took me a second on that second one. It's called life. Yeah. And I had a lot of life. I wanted to be like, I've got kids, I've got all this stuff. You know what I mean? But I'm like, because of you? I'm like, I don't have to explain myself. Yeah. Yeah, which I really appreciate. You don't own explanations, I was like, I messed up. That's it. That's all you get. Yeah. And you asked me again, I'm I'm leaving this damn place. I'm not coming back. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Dude, this was a good conversation. Yeah. This is fun. It is good. Make sure that you're uh following us on social media, TikTok, on Instagram, yeah, dadhood, and then of course dadhood.co. You can find out all the information. We're at 501c3.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

Yes, we are. And we got our big event. Yeah. Well, by the time you hear the business. By the time you hear it, it's over. It's over. It's over.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

So hopefully you came on June 13th to Mill Hollow Park. It was great meeting you if you came. It was a good time. Hey, and thanks to Kiln too. So this is a place, a space that we have been doing the podcast for a little bit here.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Uh the one we're doing the one in holiday. So as you're hearing this, we're recording it live. Uh, but this is uh co-working space, private offices, meeting rooms, event spaces, and then they also have podcast space as well.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

They do.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

How many locations uh throughout the country do they have? Um like twenty-five? I think it's twenty-five or twenty-six, yeah, locations. All throughout the state of Utah on the West Coast. I mean, it's pretty big.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

It is pretty big. It's pretty impressive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

For sure. You got to check it out. We've got their information linked up to our information, so we appreciate you guys. And uh yeah, thanks for hanging with us.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Yeah, thanks for hanging with us.