Episode 56 - Well, that escalated quickly... - with Jenni aka @translovinmama

Jenni and I talk about the current political climate, allyship, ways to cope, and how we're exhausted with this absolute madness.

Find Jenni online:

TikTok & BlueSky - @translovinmama
Youtube - @transparentslive

As of September 2024, Transcending Humanity is now known as Vanesstradiol! Episodes will be much more sparse from here on out, but I hope to continue bringing you quality content!

Transcript

0:20

Well, I think it might screw up on YouTube if I do that. Oh, yeah, it might. Because. Because you're. Too naughty. It is naughty. It is naughty. But every now and then I'll kind of bounce out and do it again. I picked up cigarettes again. I've been so 🦆 stressed. I understand. It's something. We. Listen and we don't judge. Yeah, Jennifer's like that and she's like, I get it too. Like, yeah, it's been a 🦆 rough few months. So it has. An effect and I'm not getting anywhere. It is also annoying. So it's just me sitting around, and it's too dangerous for a trans girl to do, like, food delivery and stuff around here. And even if I wanted to. The pay is just shit because people don't tip. So like. Anyways, Oh, yeah. We're recording. How are we? Yeah. Hey, everybody, welcome to my podcast, The Vanesstradiol podcast. I know it should be pronounced Vaness... Van-es-tra-dial I'll because it's es-tra-dial not est-rad-ee-oll But I call it Vanesstradiol because go 🦆 yourself. And, I'm Vanessa Joy Today I am joined by. Hi, I'm Jenni and you can find me on TikTok and blue Sky at Trans Loving Mama. I am currently still on Instagram, but probably going to make my exit there pretty soon. Yeah, I'm only really using meta platforms now for, my photography work, so that's where the clients are. But right. I've moved all of my, angry liberal bullshit to blue Sky, so. And I should probably do some TikTok again, but even that's 🦆ing corporate overlords too. I know Shut Down was so shady. That was so. That was so weird. Yeah. It was. Yeah. It was, it was not. Okay. So but it goes to show that we need a new platform. And I wish I had some sort of coding ability to come up with a better platform. Did you get, red note at all? I tried, but in order to get on it, you they have to send you a verification code via text. And when I got a new phone a while back, that ability went away. I called my provider. I've been to the AT&T store. Yeah I know AT&T is the devil too, but everything's the devil at this point. It is. And I seem to just like really I can't get through to somebody on the phone. But you know, it'll it'll all work out. But I didn't end up getting on right now. I mean, I can scroll on there. I just can't do anything. It's it's cute. I haven't done much. But I post some dark pics for my cat text and. Yeah, but the entire entire thing is it's a lesson in humanity and amazingness in that the Chinese population and the US population have never had any real interaction ever. And all we hear is from our governments how horrible the other side is. Right? And now we have the individual citizens talking to each other and we're like, we're not just people just living our lives. Yes. And like, there's been a lot of, like, rumors dispelled and or, confirmed in case of, like, America, like people that you have to pay for your ambulances. Yeah. This, that and the others are like, oh, yeah. So, well, there are people on the right saying that Red note is just a propaganda machine, that it's just like this highlights real, that it's not real, that we're talking to people who are basically, you know, planted there by the government to make it look like something. And I mean, that's a lot of people just don't. Yeah, that's a lot of people. And I just don't believe, you know, I just I don't believe anything you say on that side of the political spectrum. I'm sorry. I just don't. Because they're lying and they don't want Americans on there. So they don't want they don't want us to learn about other cultures and like us, people learning Mandarin and yeah, like making friendships and stuff. And I think it's 🦆ing incredible. It really is. I think it's one of the biggest things that's happened to our culture in a long time, honestly. An underrated, underrated level. So. But I still haven't used that much, really, just because I don't have the. Yeah, it's a very cool unintended consequence. Yes. Yeah. Love that. I don't have the bandwidth for it. So, it's just too much, you know, to deal with. So. But blue Sky is a lot of fun. I found, like, some unexpected allies on there. Do you know Alex Winter is now. I'm not sure. Bill and Ted. Oh, my God, yes, he's. Bill, and he is hardcore pro trans. Like his profile at the top says trans rights are human rights. And he is. He pulls stuff like in support of our community all the time. And I invite anybody listen to this to follow him. Alex Winter I will check him out for sure. It's it's so adorable. And like, I don't know how he popped up on my feed, but I'm glad he did. And, even liked one of my posts, so I fangirl. But yeah, he's I put him on my. Because under this guy, you have those like, little lists that you can make. So I made a list of like, yeah, people that I follow, not like everybody I follow, but like more of the creators and stuff like that. And he's on there, so. I don't get any of that. I don't know what the list purpose is. I don't know how to make, I'm thinking, I mean, absolutely top ten. I've seen people like post certain lists of like, oh, these are great accounts to follow if you're new or these are great accounts to follow for this, and I'll jump on there and I'll follow them. But I don't know, other than that what the purpose would be. It's pretty much just to, like starter packs essentially where you, you join the app and you're like, who do I follow? And then just curated lists of people to follow. So but the algorithm is also seems to be pretty good about pointing you towards people that. I really that follow. Your your I see fluffer follow your feed all the flowers. All of them. Mine's asleep in the room somewhere. She spends most of her time being emo. Now, this little turd right here, it's one of those. He's a little tired. His name is hero. Is he? You know, this is like. They're like a stressful. But when you squeeze them, like, there's little, you can kind of see through them. And they have those little jelly beads things in them. He ate one of that, and apparently that's bad. So we had to go to the emergency vet today and $300. But thankfully my daughter had it in savings because we just took the other one, not the black one. There's a little brown gator somewhere, and she, she got she scrapped with somebody at some point. We on the hill. Oh, no. I was all messed up. So I had to take her on Saturday, and I was like, girl, I'm tapped out. I have any money. You have money in savings? Take your dog to the vet because I don't know what to do. Yeah. It's like, that's why I have insurance on Gabby. But that's getting expensive now. Like, when she was younger, it was $15 a month. Now it's pushing 70 and. But if she gets something major, like needs a $4,000 surgery, it covers 80% of it. So it's it's really the difference between her staying alive or her having to be, put down and I couldn't handle that right now. So you don't need that. No. Stay with us, Gabby. Yeah, I know she's she's very emo, but I'm gonna have to stop, like, when I move. I have set up, like, noisemakers and stuff to keep her from barking too much because I don't. Where I drive, neighbors nuts. Yeah. She is. I have a she subscribe doesn't esa so I can live wherever I want as long as the landlord's not a douchebag. But I've been just looking at apartments in Washington, so it should be okay with that. But. It's been, it's been an interesting couple of months, hasn't it? It's been rough. Yeah, it's been rough. And, you know, I was just, Like, I just did another little TikTok today where I was like. Because I guess I'm. I'm a very reactive person. And I all the sudden, I mean, I got pissed on there and shot up to 50,000 followers. Did not shoot for that habit. I went from 10 to 50 in a week. I have like a thousand followers on TikTok, so all. I did was all I did was flip the world off and tell them that they weren't seeing what they were seeing. And I was neurodivergent. And, you know. They had to feel good, though. It did feel good. You have to like, I'm I am hated right now again. Oh, yeah. On the tick tock. And you know, they're all coming for me. But the anti-bullying filter of TikTok is actually really effective. Really? I didn't know there was. There is. I need to know more. It's fantastic. I had when I tell you thousands of comments that were in that filtered comment section. Thousands I hateful people and I was trying to go through and block them all individually but it's exhausting. Yeah. Too many spiders whatever. At some point you just got to be like okay, you hate me, move on. Well another thing too though is like once you can get monetized, those comments actually help you. So I am desperate for anyone who can tell me what to do as far as that, because I am already I'm there. But I applied and it asked me for four things. It asked me for a link to my current or past employer. It asked me for links to articles where my name is mentioned. I know, what is it talking? I don't have any of that. I don't know, like I've. I've applied for verification on TikTok a few times and they they didn't ask you for an employer, but they did ask me for links to the articles that mentioned me. And so I sent them Washington Post, I sent them New York Times, I sent them. I don't have any of that. Yeah, nobody. And like AP and they said that these aren't reputable news sources. Oh okay. Yeah. WaPo and New York Times now. No, but AP so I'm like, what more do you need? I have articles written directly about me and those in those publications. So. Right. So I, I don't know what to do. I don't, I don't understand because I follow plenty of people that I'm like, I know you're just a nobody like me too. And I don't say that in any kind of hateful way. I just, I already know, like, you're nobody. You're just regular person. That's that. I will get away these. If you figure it out, let me know. I sure will, I should. Try again, but like what? What more do I need? Yeah, yeah. So whatever I popped off, you know, and right when I was sitting at about 25,000, that's when I reached out to you and said, hey, I finally I have enough of following. Let's do, let's do a fundraiser for you. And let's just. I think you need at least 50 to start monetizing. So now you need ten. Oh ten I need ten, okay. And I like I believe that, yeah. When it happened, it all happened at once. I don't know why you need articles for monetization. Me neither. I have like that or for that one. I'm. I'm pretty sure. Or maybe it could have been verification, I don't know. So I will, I'll, but I can't do anything for another like 25 days. So I'll just wait and try again then I don't know what to do. Yeah. So you can't talk to a person and get help now. Now which is that this annoying thing with all the social media matters the worst with that. So yeah like even just changing anything on there is a nightmare. I finally I turned off all of my ad preferences on meta. So if I turn off all the tracking and stuff like that. So did you go through on your phone and do it to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've done like that. Like We shouldn't have all the shit. It all sucks. But hear me out a lot. It's what's going to be really critical is to. I mean, we all remember this from the last time. It feels like just bombs dropping constantly. And a lot of it is just the tricks, but it starts to get hard to tell the difference. And it also gets hard because something can seem really, really serious and I can't not pay attention to that. But then it's something like, like ending birthright citizenship. Of course, that's a big deal. That's a humanitarian issue. Yeah. That said, it seems very theatrical because it's not going to happen. I mean, the ACLU immediately, of course, came back and sued it. That's enshrined in our Constitution. So I just I don't know how to tell what is just him pandering to his base. All of this is for money we need. Oh, yeah, it's all about money. So it's to get us past riled up. But it's also to make his base think. Look, he's trying. He's doing something. He's doing it. If it doesn't work, it's because of the Democrats. It's because I tell you, oh. It's going to go right. Instead of it was never meant to work. He knew it wouldn't work. He played it all again. And he's behind the scenes. He just selling us. Yeah. So, you know, I don't know. Does it? That doesn't really inspire calmness. I'm not here to say like, oh, don't panic because it's okay. It's not okay. It's not. It's just I have to remind myself that there are people who know what they're doing. They're more capable. They have the tools. They have the resources. And I have to take a breath and go. I have to trust them to do what they're doing. I know because there's not much I can do. Yeah. Like executive orders, it's easy to get freaked out about them. A lot of times they don't work. They can, they can they can go through it can take a long time for them to go through. But there are some worrying ones, like, the one about, well, obviously the one about trans people, which are racist from existence. That's not exactly fun. And I know and, my girlfriend sent me one today about, how they're purging DEA and the federal level, and they go on and on and on about how DEA is discriminatory. It's just 🦆ing white nationalist bullshit. Like it has any discriminatory thing. Well, it's not discriminatory, for one thing. It's in order to give people the opportunity to compete against white people. That white people. So, it's it's just mind boggling. And the wording of it, it's it it's catered directly towards their base. So. It is. My fear is that, I mean, this is conspiracy theory, Vanessa popping out here. That's okay. Go for it. But my fear is with Republicans controlling the House, the Senate, the white House and the Supreme Court, what's to stop them from just holding a coup and just kicking out all of the Democrats are killing them all. I don't know, man. You know, you know, it took Adolf, I think it was 54 days. I know it was 54 days. And you say things like that, and of course, everybody wants to be like, well, that's that's the problem with the left is y'all take everything to this hyperbole. I, I was I'm very upset with some members of my family. And I posted about that too. And it came across to one of my family members. I don't know how she saw it, frankly, I don't care. And she said, you know, it really hurt my feelings that you said that. And I was like, well, here's some things that hurt my feelings. While we're on the topic of hurt feelings. Yeah, women's rights are destroyed. Trans and LGBTQ rights are on the chopping block. And she said, well, no, no, no, he just wants to end surgeries for transgender illegal aliens. And I'm over here like, do you hear yourself? This doesn't listen. Does that make sense to you?$200 million on anti-trans campaigns to stop surgeries for a handful of people. Now we can go into what it means to receive medical care in prison and how, you know, it's cancer. And from there. It. Oh, with the privatization. Just now that they're forcibly transitioning trans people and prisons, it's in Florida and Texas now. They want to do it federally where they're shaving trans women's heads. They're making them go to men's prisons. They're taking them off of their hormones, and they Florida has, set conversion therapy as the preferred method. And conversion therapy one doesn't work. And two, it's considered torture. So torture. It's like, that's my. Say that, you know, to when I hear someone come back to me with, oh no, that's not what's happening. I look at them and I'm like, I think you think you're good. I, I think you think you're a good guy. But you're not. And I get that it's really easy to look at prisoners and be like well who cares about prisoners, I understand that, I do, I think of I'm a true crime fan. I watch people like Sara Boone and I watch people like I watch all these people that I'm like, yeah, I don't really care what happens to you. Yeah, but you're like the 1% of the prisoners, right? You know, there's so many in prison that are there for nonviolent just bullshit. So. And and also if, if even if you, you be you have to always be in this, this point of. But that's not all of it. It's designed to be this step by step thing where it begins to bleed over into this and next. It's this and the whole point is dehumanization. Whether it's a person in prison or a kid in school or out, it doesn't matter when that dehumanization takes hold, it has to spread. Yeah. Because if it's if it's trans people in prison, why shouldn't it be? And people outside of prisons? Because you said, well, that's, that's this non-human. And it is it is scary. I don't know how to appeal to humanity any more in decency. I don't know if they don't have it. I don't I don't think they have a law. Is I just I can't believe that I know her and I love her and she's this. I think she thinks she's a good guy. I think this gone so brainwashed into believing that so many people are the enemy that aren't. And it's, it's hard, it is hard to reconcile in myself. But for the first time I'm starting to understand, you know, that thing that people say like love the sinner, hate the sin. I'm like starting to get it in a weird way and I'm not a believer. But it's like, I love this MAGA, but I hate the MAGA tree and I. Don't even love the maggots. I cut them out of my. I get it, I don't love that, I but I love her. I just do. I don't know how to turn that off. I don't. Maybe one day it will, but I don't even want it to. Yeah, it shouldn't have to her. It shouldn't have to. The division is so stark like so stark right now. It's terrifying. That's why I keep saying, like, we're so close to something big in bad. Like, be it a coup, be in a civil war. Like when I hear Canada talking about wanting to, take on, some U.S. states, including the one I'm moving to, I'm like, yes, please. Please do. And I'm like, can we get married? And I'll be a Canadian citizen? Yes we can. Okay, long as we can 🦆. Yeah. And, you know, if you want to open that up, like, whatever. Just like we're cool like that. I'm poly, as you know. I'm so. Yeah, I don't want to deal with another person, but I'm fine with you dealing with another person. It's like when I get to Washington, I don't know if I'm going to stay poly or go, mono again, like, kind of mono because I'm not breaking up with Jennifer. So we're still going have a long distance thing, but so technically poly but I don't know how much I'm going to be focusing on poly relationships out there. So yeah, I understand. You know. It's I need to get there first. I don't know how to not feel divisive with people who have taken measurable action to harm people I love, and the harm it also doesn't come down to, the mother of a trans person and oh, I'm the friend of a trans person. Before I knew I was the mother of a trans person, before I had my first trans friend, I knew where I stood on this. It was a non, you know, event. It's a human rights thing. It's just I feel divisive about that. I don't know how to not feel like. What do you mean? Why would you think that's okay to do? And I think that maybe they see it as like, well I voted for all these things and I'm sorry if it hurts. Says 1% of the population, but like, maybe they see it as kind of a cost benefit analysis, like, oh yeah, it's for the greater good. So it doesn't matter if it hurts a small percentage. But I don't know, I don't know. That's the other thing though, is they don't they don't know. I believe that trans people make up less than 1% of the population. Like a lot of people I've talked to, like, I even have my, my PCP has said like 20%. Yeah. Because I ask people question like, what do you think that trans population is. Yeah. One in every five. Yeah. And it's just not it's but we are so blown out of proportion in the media. We are less than 1%. And it's the only and people are like, stop shoving it in our faces. We don't want to be shoved in space. It's 🦆ing Republicans shoving us in people's faces because we're an easy target. And the thing is, is the Nazis started with us, too. So yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes they did. And that's another thing people aren't seeing. And this whole little I remember the poem on the wall where first they came for the socialists. Nope. First they came for the China people. Yeah, they came for the trans people. They came for the gays. That's who they came for first. And great poem. And it's very impactful. But it's missing one. It's missing no one. We're watching the playbook unfold, and if you point that out to them, it becomes, oh my God, y'all think everybody's Hitler. Oh my God, y'all think everybody's Nazi. It's because we really. Stream I have a degree in history. That's my that's my BA. And while I don't remember shit from college, I do pay attention to history. And humanity has this horrible tendency to repeat history and not in a good way. And people that know history are watching what's going on here. And we're like, this is all happened before it. It's 🦆ing bad. Like the Yan Musk Nazi salute thing in Germany. They can't even post pictures of it because it's illegal to depict that salute. Right. And they're like. And they're trying to get sense where other people have just been raised in there. Exactly. Yeah. Like it's just. Watch. The video. Videos, watch the videos. And if you saw the side by side from the scene from American History X, that's it's like he practiced it. There's a side by side with him and 🦆ing Hitler. Right. And it's identical. So what. Do you what do you mean. What's she's saying? But Jenni is talking about the stills is there's these stills. There's one of Elizabeth Warren, one of Obama, one of their square. Yeah. Where they have their arms up, but it's literally in the middle of them waving their hands. Or to a crowd one thing. Or pointing or something like pointing, not the salutes. So and then, you know, the response to people saying, oh, that's not Nazi salute, like, okay, go to work and do that in front of your coworkers. Now, at this point, that's probably well, that's an effective argument. No, it's. Not because. They're not. Everybody seems to be like, oh, yeah, totally. If I went and did that at work, nobody would care where I work. Yeah. And that's the truth. Which is scary. Which is terrifying. It's a lot of it boils down to people just are not educated and be it default or unrest or ignorance. They're not comparable. Yeah. So they don't care that it might affect another population. They just don't care. They know they're safe. Before I came out, I lived like I was kind of in tune with things, but nowhere like I am now, because I was I the world. Sammy is a white society dude, and now it's a complete 🦆ing 180 and I have to watch my back everywhere I go, way back in the parking spots, everywhere, like you. Went from like, the most privileged to almost the least. And the most hated. The only more hated in black. And yeah, exactly. Are black trans women. So. And trans men are just completely forgotten about by society, which, for better or for worse, it seems. But like it's it is a weird feeling because, you know, my son being a white trans man. There is a weird sense of like relief that I don't know how else to say that. I just want to be honest about my experiences and my experiences as I'm like, well, at least he's lowest on it. Yeah, I have to be on the priority list. Exactly. But that's, you know, that's why two, I'm more and more vocal because it doesn't matter. I could have just as easily had a trans daughter. We could have just as easily been born in different skin. This is all a luck of the draw. This is. Exactly. Exactly an accident. So I don't, I don't take that, you know, as some form of you know get out of jail free card like it's still there. I'm nervous about my, my trip across country when I do move, like I have to say that I'm just not going to stop. I'm going to follow my valuables in my car, so I don't really want to, like, get a hotel. And plus, I do. You could help you find a chain of people. I'm kind of hoping that I can do that. Like, because I really need a place that I can stop and take a shit. Honestly. So, what if. What if that's something next we work on, whether it be via blue sky, or maybe we reach out to. I would never do anything to put you in danger. I'd have to vet people first. So, But I think that that's possible. I don't really need a place to sleep, because my plan is to just sleep in the car, and I'm going to take my stories, which will just keep me 🦆ing wired and then sleep in the car. But, you know, I'd like for you to have a safe place to sleep, even if it's, like, in somebody's driveway, you know? Yeah. Like I have to keep my car running because I'm going to have my computer and they're going to have all my photo equipment, like all of my valuables, all my electronics. And like the monitor that I'm using right now is my photo editing monitor. So it's a very expensive monitor and I don't want to damage it. Right. So, These are things that people just don't consider this whole idea of like, well, if you don't like it here, just leave. Yeah. And I if you when you say that when somebody says that, it really is like they don't really don't want you to survive because they're not considering. What do you mean? Just leave. I have to survive a cross-country trip. Yeah. And the whole just the whole thing. Like, if you don't like it here, leave 🦆ing. I want to, but I am trans and I am autistic. Trans people are twice as likely as cis people to be unemployed. Autistic people are 75% more likely to be unemployed than than, neurotypical people. So, like, my chances of getting a job are 🦆ing abysmal. And it's hard. So like, when I move, I plan, I'm moving into setting up roots in Washington, and just renting out this administration, which hopefully ends in four years. Who the 🦆 knows? I mean, I don't think Trump's going to live that long, but then, you know, Vance will take over and Mike Johnson still the 🦆ing speaker, which, so. The damage is, is so beyond that. Yeah. Sell out. Elon Musk isn't giving up his money. And within the next four years, not going to happen. And so I don't I really am kind of at a hopeless place. It's going to be I'm going to be okay because I know, you know, other places have gone through a lot and overcome it. We know Germany overcame it. I think we can overcome it. But, my prediction is this is not if it's. Going to be very.🦆ing. Ugly. Horrible thing. It's going to take a revolution. Yeah, we're going to be lucky if we don't get out of it with a lot of, damage. I think the country is going to be a completely different country when it's all said and done. Because. I believe my kids have to do this. I know I have my my son's almost five, and I just it breaks my heart that, you know, he's growing up through this. So like Trump was president when he was born and now he's president again. So in that, I just. Hey, I Gary yeah, I mean, we're here. We have each other. Yeah. That that's one thing that also like we do have each other want one thing, but you know, because you and I trust each other, but I've, I've gotten honest with some. Someone sent me a text saying that, you know, there's people that support you and I appreciate the sentiment, but it doesn't mean anything. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything like. Yeah, like, help me get work, share my resume with people, send me 🦆ing money. Help me get out of here. Yeah. And just just knowing that you support me. Well. I push constantly trying to get photo work, and it just falls on deaf ears. Higher. Clear person. So where I'm going is much more career friendly. I talked with, realtor out there today to kind of get a feel for the industry and I mentioned that Ohio, like, completely did away with all of our DTI measures in the government and Washington's complete opposite. They've really pushed. Yeah. Her eyes got big. Like just it's something that she can't even comprehend because. It's. How it should be. There is a perfect no but no a lot better than where I am now or where you are. So like, girl, I apologize. Bathrooms here. So I'm deeply concerned for families there are families that I've heard of who are not from here and you know, my daughter was asking me, could people across the street, like just call about them? And I said, yes, yeah, yeah. They're not safe right now. They're not safe. It's not when they come knocking. It's not if they come knocking on my door, it's when. Yeah, I'm. Here in. Neighbors are the ones that will report you. That's why over here like I got space. Yeah I got I got room. But but even saying that I'm here, I don't know, I may have something. I mean, ice has already been seen all over the place. And like, what's happening there? They're recruiting for border patrol agents heavily right now. And so, like, if you see an ice van and you're in public, just yell, let me grab. And, yeah, let me clear. I am so 🦆ing white. It doesn't matter. Let me grow up. Yeah. Exactly. They know what works. And what that does is it alerts them to know that immigration's here so they can do something. Because, I mean, they're going to come to schools, they're going to come into homes, they're going to come into churches. And I just think about all these kids being in their own schools. And now what what do you do? You go into hiding like and Frank in a 🦆ing attic. You're already rounding. People up the detention camps. So, we don't we don't know what those camps are. I know we know what those camps are. No, we don't we don't know. How many people in Germany had no idea what was really happening to those people. They saw them go away and they didn't know. And I do believe that there were just regular German people like you and me just walking outside and watching people get taken away and thinking, oh, they must've done something wrong. Yeah. And not knowing what's happening, we, we are in a better place right now as far as, like, having media and access. But those are controls not being. Reported on as it is right now. So, like, I'm afraid of winding up in one of those camps because that's what the Nazis did. They started with one group and they just started shoveling everybody in there. Yeah, and who knows what the 🦆's going to happen there? I don't think it's going to be anything good. Like, my girlfriend mentioned. Like what? What happened? What about all the kids that are still missing from the last Trump presidency? And I'm like, they're probably dead. And she said, or sold into sex slavery. Which is probably 🦆ing true because the Republicans are obsessed with pedophiles and shit like that. And the reason they're obsessed with is because they're the ones that are the pedophiles and not trans people. I am so 🦆ing exhausted from it. And no, I know, I know, I know, and you know, I will do a live every 🦆ing Saturday. I'll do it during the week if we find that that's not a good time, if we want to play with other times. Sunday during the days are always good. Whatever you need me to do. Like I'm off on Wednesdays, but usually I'm with my mom, but, you know, 🦆 my mom for a minute. Like, my mom's not in danger. Yeah, I think so. Whatever I have to do, and we will nickel and dime it all the way to where you need to be. You. I'm scared for you, too. I'm sorry. I. Dog. I just wish, like, As I said before, we started recording, like I had to, I. I haven't worked in three weeks. I have not been able to get any 🦆ing work. And so I've had to dip into my savings, like all of the stuff that I sold. Like, in order to afford to move, I had to pull out in order to pay bills. And then a little bit of my go fund me. And I really don't want to touch any more of that. Go fund me, because it's supposed to be there to help me move. And but finding work around here is so it's next to 🦆ing impossible. No one wants to hire a trans girl. So because we have been certified so much by society, like most people, when they meet me, I get told all the time that people didn't know I was trans until I told them so. But it's just a stigma that, you know, I'm known out there as the trans photographer, like Ohio has something like 6000 northeast. I has like 6000 real estate agents. I have like seven clients and. How does that make sense? I'm better than anybody else in my pricing is same or lower. So I don't know. It's just exhausting. I have to get the 🦆 out of here. The interview process just sharpening is such a pain. And yeah, I'm getting interviews, but you never know where they're going to go. And like, I'm still waiting to hear about there's like my dream job I'm waiting on, that I interviewed for an early December and I still haven't heard back. I haven't gotten to know. So that's a good thing. But I haven't gotten the. Yes. And I don't, you know, if I can get that, I'm🦆ing out of Ohio. Like it as soon as I possibly can. Right. I assume you've reached back out to them. Oh, several times, so. Okay. And I'm trying to do it without being annoying either. So. And the lady in charge? This one. I went on vacation for a couple weeks, so, she's probably getting back to an inbox. It's just full of fall, you know, when you're on vacation for a long time. So. But I just. I need more interviews. I need something to stick. I don't need a ton of money. I'm looking for jobs that pay, like, 55 or higher. And Washington doesn't have a state income tax. So, so, like, making, like, if you're making like $28 an hour, you're getting like 80% of your paycheck. So where in Ohio you only get about 70% of your paycheck. So yeah, there's. A difference there. But like I need to be able to afford rent, which is a lot higher there. Like I'm paying $800 for a house here and, small apartment there. It's there's a big difference between a $1,300 apartment and a $1,500 apartment. And I'm trying to push for the $1,500 apartment because, like, hugely difference. Just in that $2 in quality. I would add about 50 5KA year. You could swing 1500, right? Yeah. Right. I know I. Have bills and then I my child support is going to go up. So like I've been paying voluntary child support. And I have a court date here coming up soon in order to finally try to get access to seeing my son, because I've seen him once in the past five months. And I'm still not allowed to have video calls with him yet or anything like that. So I'm trying to get all that nailed down like, just going back and forth with, with an agreement, trying to. But what I'm asking for when I know I'm bouncing all over the place. Hello, autism. Okay, see, what I'm asking for is 30 minutes in like 15, 30 minutes a week and a video call with him and then to see him on his birthday. And then after Thanksgiving. And she came back with, yeah, sure, we can probably do that call. I also got a friendship lamp where you touch it, lights up one color, and then he touches and lights up another. Yeah, mine hasn't changed colors. He hasn't touched it in a long time, which I'm thinking that his mom has hidden it someplace so that he doesn't have access to it. Who the 🦆 knows? I mean. It just came. She just hate you that much? Yeah. She's of really petty, like, I had a I had a client send me a camera gimbal off of my Amazon wishlist. And for some reason, Amazon still had my old address set for my wish list when I change that and everything else. So it got sent to her house and she just called Amazon reported that she got this delivery that wasn't for anyone. Their brother recently sending me a text and hey, you got a package. You can use a $350, product that she just wound up just giving away. Who knows what she did with it. And so I had to explain to my my client, like, what happened. And luckily, my client has a nasty ax, too. But it's just petty, you know? Yeah, I had a package accidentally. It's one for her house. Is it too big of a deal? Just say, hey, this got delivered to my house. Can you try to make sure this doesn't happen again? It was complete by accident and made me had to delay a shoot. And it was like my biggest shoot that I've ever done because I was doing video and everything with it. And anyways, she's once told. Me, because you're trans. No, it doesn't have anything to do with me. With me, me being trans. So well, that's great. It's I guess she's, as far as I know, but, it's more just she. Okay, so we're going to back up a little bit and I'll tell you the situation. What happened. So, For context, I'm an autistic, diagnosed technically level three, which is too severe for what? I really think I'm a level one, but, autistic, ADHD, and the relationship I have for her was I. I feel strongly that she is that she's a narcissist, but I'm not going to diagnose somebody. I just look at that. I just look at the signs. But, she can, she can control me really well, whether or not she means it, I like I don't know if any of it's purposeful, so I don't want to, like, accuse of that, but I'm not myself around her and not a good person around her. I have no backbone around her, and I just cave to whatever because I don't want to confrontation like the number one word out of my mouth whenever she's around us. Sorry. So the agreement was for me to move out at the end of June, which I did. And, I wanted to be able to see my son. You know, I was hoping to see him, you know, a couple times a week. And so I'd see him, would hang up. I was always in, like, a public place. Like, first time was at, like, a kid's play place. And then, another time we went to the zoo. So the entire time I am asking 🦆ing heavily like, using up all my concentration to not lose it because I do not do good in crowds, but I'm trying to be there for him. And she's like, it's so clear that you don't want to be there. And that she's like, you're not even trying. And then like she said that he's a wreck after for a long time after he sees me and I'm like, it's because he 🦆ing misses me, okay? When you only let me see him once every three weeks. Yeah. It's 🦆 with him. Because I was living I, he grew up like first four and a half years of his life or in a third years of his life out there every day. And then I said, I'm done. Right? And then it got to a point where she wanted to meet with me. And I initially was like, I feel like I was pressured into the. She gave me two choices either be completely all in or completely all out, and I can't be completely all like be completely involved. This life, which I can't do, I, I struggle big time as a parent. You know, I can be honest. I'm not a good mother. But I recognize that I'm not a good mother, and I. I believe that my son has autism as well. And we bounce off each other and we trigger each other, and it gets messy. And I shut down. I'm not fit to be a solo parent at all. That's an. Okay. She wanted me to be there, completely there, like full time there for him, or sign away my parental rights and never see him again. And I initially said, I, I guess I'll just sign away the rights. But like, she wanted it to be essentially like a closed adoption where I wouldn't be able to see him until after he was 18. And that's if he wanted to. And that 🦆ing destroyed me. And he sat on that for a couple weeks, and then she reached out at the end. That meantime, I believe I talked to you and I talked to my girlfriend. And realized that that's completely 🦆ed up and no one should be able to do that. And I actually have a lot more power in this relationship in in, custody than she thinks. So she sent me a text asking if to verify that's what I wanted to do. And I said, no, that's not what I want to do. I would like to work out some sort of visitation, because she she was very clear that she didn't want me to be. I'll just see him occasionally, like, she's like, you need to be a parent full time for that, or like, but if she doesn't want me in his life, it's hard for me to do that. So I went from the middle of August to, the middle of December without seeing him. And then finally I was allowed to see him right before, right before Yule, in order to give him his presence. And then I haven't been able talk to him since. I'm trying. I have a lawyer working for me for free. Through Equality Ohio. They have an amazing service for that because I can't afford a lawyer. She makes about $155,000 a year. I make 20, so, like, she can afford a good lawyer and I can't. But my lawyer's been very helpful. But since I move out of Ohio, he can't work with me anymore. And I am bouncing on the rep. So I'm trying to work out where I can talk to him once a week and give him the ability to contact me whenever he wants. You know, right now he's too young, really. Like, it's too young for his own phone. But I want to be able to talk with him, like, like a Saturday night. And then see him in person whenever I'm in Ohio, and on his birthday, and then, like, after Thanksgiving. And she wants to limit it to only two hours seeing him when I'm in town, supervised by her. And all of my interactions with him have been supervised by her. And I shut down when she's around, like, I cannot handle her being around because it's an abusive relationship again, whether she means it or not. I feel like it's an abusive relationship and so when I saw him, before your it was I was able to be with him for three hours and with her out of the room, we got a private room at a library, and, she came in for a little bit, and then, because she was worried that she she would want her, that he wouldn't want her out of the room, but so she even she straight up asked and like, do you want me to stay or do you want me to go sit out there? He's like, you can leave mommy. I'm like, 🦆 yeah. So that made me feel so good. As soon as I saw him, I started. I broke down in tears, and he's like, why are you crying? He calls me daddy. And then after they left, I just lost like his. There she was driving, away. I was just following my eyes out and she looked at me, went and drove off like, 🦆 yo. And I was just inconsolable the rest of the day because, like, I love my son. At first I thought I had made myself believe that I wasn't capable of love. Because when you're in an abusive relationship, you know how it is, like you lose your sense of self and so now I just want to be able to see him and talk to him, and I can't. And like this friendship lamp, I when he first got it, he, using it all the time. So I knew that he had access to it because it's fun. You touch it, it lights up a color. So if I touch, it lights up purple on his end. If he touches it, it lights up a rainbow color on my hand. It's a perfect little thing for a little kid to know that I'm with you. Or thinking of each other. Yeah, exactly. And I also got him a globe, and I, put little sparkles on it for Ohio. And when in Washington to try to explain to him that I'm moving, but it's, you know, it's hard. Yeah, but I she probably like she's dealing with a lot and that she's a single parent. So a parent, which is not 🦆ing easy. With a, with a kid that's very likely autistic though I don't think that he's getting the help that he needs with that. I don't know if he's autistic, but I want him to be professionally screened. His school did it, but they only, like, watched him. It's like five minutes a day for over a period of two months. And that's not enough, you know. Right. And like she went he's finally talking to his teachers now from what I understand. But he went a long time without talking to any adults. And so how can you, you know, I saw you guys go, like, okay. Yeah. So, like, I don't want him to grow up like I did, you know, with no support and, like, knowing that I'm autistic now, like, it makes so many things from my past makes sense. And I just wanted to get the support that he needs. And I'm afraid that he's not. But I don't know. I'm sorry I have so much big time with that. It's it's something that bothers me deeply. It's okay. I am. You know, it's it's so much more of, like this human experience that people don't. I just don't get. Yeah. And it's part of the hard part of moving to is I'm moving even further away from him. But for him, it's not really going to make a difference because he's not allowed to see me anyways. I live about an eight minute drive from him right now. I should be able to see him a lot more often than I'm able to. Yeah, I've been cut off from. I've been cut off from her parents who take care of him a lot too. So I don't know what's going on there. Who knows what she's told them, who knows what she's told other people and I'm sure her son is story completely different. And I'm sure I've done a lot of things, completely🦆ing asshole things that I didn't realize. Yeah. And. You know, that's why I'm trying to, like, make it clear that whether or not she intends for me to feel this way, I do. And. This episode got the press. My life and my relationships got a lot better. Whenever I was finally able to really take a look at myself in the mirror regarding my first marriage. And say, Holy smokes, I was a willing participant in the downfall of that marriage. Yeah. And I mean then it was just like, oh wow, I did this, this was over. This wasn't even something unintentional. It was intentional. I didn't want to be held accountable for it. I didn't think, I don't know what I thought, but, you know, being able to do that makes a big difference. To step back. You know. Facts. We all participate in our relationships. We do. I like that happened. I made a couple long posts about that about a year ago, maybe a little bit more about my ex wife and how I was a 🦆ing monster. I was horrible in that relationship, and I like, I put my family in front of her and she was diagnosed with cancer and I just was 🦆ing cold and did not care and brainwashed by my family. I was a I was the worst spouse ever. And like I apologized. To her, I was the best. I was a bad spouse. Yeah, for other reasons. In other ways I was a bad wife. And it's. Hard. And I wish I could take it back. It's not necessarily that I wish he and I had worked out. I think we were kind of doomed anyway. Because we're both alcoholic. But yeah I mean. Never a good mix. It doesn't matter. I still what I brought to the table was terrible. Terrible. Yeah. And I regret it. Like when it comes to my ex like we were never married just so you know. But like we both have the same last name. I took my son's last name. So but we were never married. But the having seen last name confuses people, but, Yeah, that's that's my ex baby mama ex. Not my ex wife. That's completely my ex wife. We got divorced 11 years ago, but, like, I was mooching off her like I was living there and just deeply depressed. And that's when I had my suicide attempt last year. And, And now that I'm out, like, I just feel so much more free and so much more of myself in. But I was a burden on her big time. Like a financial drain. An emotional drain. Like I'm not easy to live with, like I wouldn't. I got I want. Anybody to live with me. So. And I feel the same way. She's. Yeah. You know. So really do. It's fun to hang out with us for a little bit and 🦆 us, but then, you know, send us home. So. Right. Long term, I'm a, I'm a slob. And, I mean, I'm not like a slob slob, but I'm very untidy. I'm a very untidy person. And I don't care. Like, what do you mean? Why is that a problem? It's just sitting there. It's not touching anybody. It's not a problem alone. But it's a problem because it's a it's cluttered, you know? So I'm just untidy person. I don't have much clean. Like I have little piles of clutter. Like my desk has organized chaos. My my makeup table has organized chaos. Like, I generally keep things somewhat tidy, but everything's covered in dark hair, so, okay. Because sometimes whenever I'm like, I don't know why, but I don't want to leave this bed. I was I think I had started to tell you earlier. So I got on a new medication, very excited about this. You know, my, my depression just doesn't really treat well with anything. So they put me on this stuff called trans Alex. And it apparently not only helps with serotonin but also with norepinephrine and dopamine and Gaba. And. Like a miracle drug. Yeah it's expensive. It's all gun godlike. Maya star is super expensive to me. My insurance actually covers most of it like my co pay for it is way higher than I'm used to, but nothing here. It's it's anywhere from 4 to $600 a month. But yeah, that's what my stress is like too. And like I had to jump through hoops to get it. And like I go through different. I had to go through Ritalin, something else first. Right. So that's I think that I'm thinking that might be the only reason my insurance will cover it is just because I've been through so many. Exactly. They want you to try all the cheap stuff first because insurance companies run our lives. Yeah, free. Luigi. Yeah. You know. Yes. I mean. You know. It sounds like he's like a far right kind of, wacko, but it's he's still broke. Clock is right twice a day. Yeah, it's it's it's the the gunpowder plots, remember? Remember the 5th of November, right. A it's less him. It's the symbol that he is. Right. And that symbol is so 🦆ing powerful. And the oligarchs are terrified of it because more of the pop up. Yeah. Right. You just got. We just got to back down. Well. Oh, I think sometimes that happens. I think sometimes it happens. I don't know, but, Riverside. Who knows? I like the platform. I'm like, I need to be edgy. And they're like, no. Yeah, I was part of the FBI is listening. And now, like, you're immediately on a list. I haven't looked up Riverside, but I think you level. Oh, yeah, I'm probably a novelist, so. I mean. I'm on the list. Go get me. That's what I'm like, how they're trying to revert everybody's, gender markers and shit. Like, I went through a lot of trouble getting much in America. Changed all the way down to my birth certificate. Oh, my son is supposed to be in March, and I. I told them, hey, buddy, I would expect a name change, but I wouldn't expect a gender marker change. Yeah, that happen. I wanted to have mine sealed, but the judge wouldn't do it. So, the judge. Well, one, this judge wouldn't even seal, wouldn't even grant my for certificate, gender change, even though she's required to. So I had to go through a different county, but for my name change, she wouldn't seal that. And that actually wound up my disqualification from running for my office, you know? Right. So. What? I see you next Tuesday. I know, I know, I. I got to get out of here. Yeah. You know, so I want to see a couple new things I got on TikTok. TikTok shot because I went down, I panicked, and I didn't have money to spend, but I spent it anyway. Because tick tock shot. This little thing hangs out on your like, because I do film in my car sometimes and I just, like, hangs out on your wall rearview. Do it while. I don't. Do it while driving. They will not do it. Wall drive I do okay. I know you do it while driving. I saw a video and I was mad. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm. I'm safe, I promise. I don't want to do it in heavy traffic. I'll stop. And then this is called, Tallow. And I had never heard of this, but apparently you, like, put it on your face and, like, it makes you look beautiful. So you're really beautiful. I'm going to see if I can get more beautiful. Thank you. I do miss, like that. Turning off my, like, target of ads and stuff on Facebook. It's actually kind of a bummer because I got, like, the targeted ads for🦆ing spot on for me. Like, I like, there's so much stuff. I'm like, that is me that is totally made. And now that I turn them off, like I hardly see any content from people I follow, like I get one post from somebody and then there's like 30 different like suggested things or ads before I get another one. So they're punishing you for doing it because they don't want. I got one. And now I'm getting targeted ads by, Trump online on my internet. And I always just click like, no, hide this ad and they'll be like, why? And I'm like irrelevant. Irrelevant. Or one was like, I don't feel safe. Yeah, exactly. Mark anything. But I'm like, you die. But it doesn't matter in meta. So like, and we're running out of places to go. Yeah. They're gone, they're gone. But more will come. You know, it's this isn't the end of the world. So if it's not the end of the world, then there's hope. It's gonna be the end of the United States of America. I don't know, but it won't be the end of the world. And so there's always an opportunity. You know, I'm just so worried about who's going to get hurt in the process. I need a nice Norwegian girl to. I mean, to. Me, right? I would love to go to Norway or Iceland. Like, I could move to Norway. But you need to be sponsored by a job first. I couldn't move to Iceland because you have to be, independently wealthy if you're American, if you want to live there. Because, I mean, it's smart. Would you want a bunch of Americans. No. Matter your country? So. So in Iceland, still, they like them. Yeah, because they don't have the infrastructure for that many people. So. Right. Yeah. And, I also if anybody out there sees this, I am technically a married, so I will absolutely like, I mean, especially if maybe, you know, other ladies know. I mean, you down for something? Yeah. No problem. I don't know, you're unmarried now, so. Well, I am, I guess. I guess it could be considered common law marriage. I mean, we had a ceremony. Oh. You were an officially married? No. We weren't when I'm here on paper. Oh, because after my first divorce, I said I would never do that again. No, I will a woman 100%. And maybe a nice Norwegian man. Yeah. So I'm not, I'm not married. A nice story to man to I have that two guys and so like I. Yeah our options are open and I am not particular about whether or not you started out with different parts. Don't care don't care. Short tall don't care as long. As you're not an asshole. As long as being a. Decent human being. I don't have to look a certain way for me, and it's beauty standards don't care like I just. If you're an awesome person, I'm going to absolutely adore you. Exactly. It helps that you are hot, but does it does help. You doing come in here started whining and she it and left so. I no minor in here. Sexually email loving each other. Oh thank you. How adorable is a very gay dog. Yeah. That's another thing that pisses me off. How? Like, there's many in the, gay and lesbian community that, like, trying to push trans people out like LGB. Forget the T, and they're, like, lining up with, with the right. And now the right wants to overturn gay marriage. Yes. Yeah.🦆ing shot yourselves in the foot. So I really I'm just all about everybody just having their natural consequences and repercussions. I just hate that we're 🦆ing caught up in that. It's, it is what it is. You know when I go to Washington I'm going to get surgery as soon as I can get my facial surgery. Yeah. Then because I can get it in Washington I can't get it in Ohio. And then I'm just going to 🦆ing go stealth. I'm just going to be your neighborhood. By lesbian. So, you know, so. But yeah, absolutely don't want them, you know, you don't have to be a poster child for anything. My kid doesn't have to be a poster child for anything. Nobody is required to be there. If anything, I do feel like it's more cis allies that need to be like, hey, this is more our fight. Like, you shouldn't have to be front and center for what we essentially have done to you. Same thing with racism, you know, I mean, I, I don't want to equate queer hate in race hate. They are very different. There are some parallels. So like bathroom bans, it's there's a parallel there. I, I want to make it abundantly clear that I'm not trying to downplay racial inequality at all. I'm just seeing some parallels there. And in order to wipe out racism, it is not up to black people, brown people, it is white people to wipe it out. And it's the same in order to wipe out queer phobia, transphobia. It's not up to the queer people as much as we push it, much as we want it and work for it. Yeah, it's not us that makes a change. So to wipe out racism is going to take a concerted effort by white people. I think it will eventually happen. Was going to take a long 🦆ing time. So because it is so deeply I I've talked about this before in the show. Racism is so deeply entrenched within us. Yeah, because it's been conditioned into us by our families, by society, in when you step back and look at racism, it's just 🦆ing stupid. There's no reason. Makes no. Sense. Yeah, it makes no sense at all. But it's been programed into us and it is up to us in not Bipoc people to deprogram. And deprogramming is not 🦆ing easy and you're going to make a lot of 🦆ing mistakes. And I still have, you know, just that the instinctual reaction to things which then you have to step back and like, why am I doing that? But it's like, it's all I've ever known up until a more recent period where I've been like deprogramming myself. Right? And so I am 100% when I say that all white people are racist, all white people are racist. We are whether or not we admit it. So we we don't I don't you don't even know it's happening. Exactly. Because you think that it's this overt thing. And then I will catch myself, thinking something or kind of buying into something where exactly? Yeah. And it's it's like that fast. And all of a sudden I'm like, whoa, wait a second. Yeah. The important part is catching it and then. Right, but not expecting Bipoc people to catch it for you, you need to do it yourself and listen to them like there are a number of people that will give advice and posts and stuff like that. And that's that's how you learn and that's how you do. That's the big one. Just freaking listen, when my son came out, the first thing I did, even though I was like, I accept, I love, I support, good deal. I still immediately first thing I did was seek out trans voices, trans creators, trans people, little tiny, no, not even creators or whatever on TikTok. Just. Are you on merit here. In the show? Right. I want to tell we're friends. I want to know who you are, I want to I just needed to you. I needed to I needed good examples of what the future holds for my kid. I needed to know what it was, what was really going on that I didn't know about. And it has changed my life. It is 100% changed my life. To do that. It's about I have got to seek that out. Whether it's people of color, whether it's any marginalized people, you're going to have to seek it out. Otherwise you only know what is fed to you. Exactly. And what is being fed to you is always going to have some some bias to it. Just like we were talking earlier. I'm going to be feeding it to you. Yeah, just like we were talking earlier about the misinformation between, Chinese citizens and U.S. citizens. Right. You know? Yeah. Like I've been applying to a lot of, like, diversity roles and stuff like that where, which, luckily will still stick around in Washington state level or not federal level. But, a lot of the questions like, and a lot of the jobs I interview for, like they ask you like, how do I, how do I inequity and stuff like that is impacts you and how you bring it. So workplace and what I say over and over again on those is that the most important thing you can do is listen and not talk over voices of people that you're talking about. And if you're talking about a group, you need to have somebody from that group of represent, representative of that group there. So like if you're talking about trans people, if you're making laws about trans people, you better have a trans person, president making less about black people. You better have a black person president. Yeah. Because that's like when they go grab like Caitlyn Jenner. Yeah. Or the detransition or so that's the problem. But in a more equitable space, like the places that I'm applying, right. If I get if I get a job in India, I, whenever I, if I'm designing policy or anything, if I'm designing a policy around the community, I'm bringing people for that to be the end. Yeah. To design that policy because I can't speak for them, I can I can speak as a 43 year old white trans woman from Ohio. That's my perspective. I can't speak for your son. I can't speak for River in Washington because she is a completely different, even though she's a white trans woman. Like, I can only speak for myself, you can only speak for yourself, and we can learn from others, but they need to have a seat at the 🦆ing table. And or you can go even further with that. With decolonization, why is there even a 🦆ing table? So, like, we should all just be humans. And yeah, decolonization is another whole thing. Like there's deep programing, racism and then just deep the whole colonization line. Right. And like and it's all work. And the more we roll back and dumbed down the education system, we just we just, you know, push that progress back. There's no moving forward and we just head backwards. Can you. And what will happen in this country when if blue states do end up seceding like especially California, which is what the 10th largest economy in the world, what will happen to the rest of the country without workers needs? 🦆ing. Yeah. Like it's just going to fall apart. So because that's, you know, that's where I'll go. And if it's more expensive, like I'll figure something out. Yeah. The employee told me all the time, like Washington's more expensive. Yeah. No shit because people want to live there. Like. Ohio's cheap because it's a 🦆ing shithole, right? Yeah. I'm so 🦆ing live in Oklahoma. There's nothing here. There's, like, nothing here. There's nothing to do. There's nothing. There's no business. There's no mean way. And like, I guess you. Unless you own land, you're a rancher. I don't there's nothing here. There's no industry. I mean, there is there's a don't get me wrong. Like, we we have company is, you know, not living out in the plains, but it's. I know what you mean. Nothing. You know what I mean? It's nothing. It barely sustains the population we have. And not. Well yeah. There's nothing much manufacturing there like there's no Ohio. Ohio at least has manufacturing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's going to be higher. Rents are going to be higher in Washington. But it's worth it you know. And pay is higher to compensate for it. So it's a nice place to live. It's a place where I'm actually going to be able to leave the house like when you see these videos about Nazis marching in Ohio, where I live in Massillon, in little cities like this, super red cities, that's where the Nazis live. Like everywhere I go, Trump stickers everywhere, Trump flags everywhere. And I just have to be careful. So. Yeah, we'll get you out of there. We're getting each other. Yeah. We. Well, so, so we're going to be doing, live and TikTok and Saturday, which this video is going to come out Saturday. So tomorrow in order to, I suppose, fundraise for me. So I have a go fund me going as well. If anyone wants to help me afford my move, I, I have enough for a first month's rent. I had more than that. And then I filed my taxes. I'm waiting for my taxes to come back. If you pay TurboTax $25 and speed it up by five days, I'm like, yeah, take my $25. Yeah. Amen. So and then I can replenish that then. But like, I'm when I'm moving, I drive a Fiat, a Fiat 500 convertible. There's going to be room for me, my dog, my computer and electronics, and that's it. I'm leaving everything else behind, so I'm going to. I'm just getting cheap Amazon furniture. And but still, I'm going to need about a grand, you know, just to get everything back up and running to get in there. So. Just. Expenses. Yeah. Minimum and just expenses of getting there. It's like a very low number to me. I have moved and done stuff before that. It's it's gone. I don't need. Much. But I do want to set up roots when I'm there. And my, my eventual goal is if as long as I stay in this country, like if things really get bad, I'll have to leave the country. But I can't afford that right now. But my eventual goal is to like set roots in Washington. Just make that my home. I only want to come back to Ohio to visit my son and my girlfriend. Never going to live in Ohio again. So Ohio has a tendency to not let people leave. Like people will move, then they always come back. I'm not coming back. So, Yeah. So catch us on TikTok. Jenni is trans loving mama. All one word. Yeah, and I am fine. Estradiol, everywhere that matters. And, so I have a link to you. Do you have a link tree on your. I don't have a link tree. I need to do one that I think tree there is, I feel like there was a reason I can do that either. And it might been that they wanted to text me a code. I can't to see Eve. Yeah. So looking around, it's very 🦆ing. There must be some something blocked, some sort of spam blocker. I have looked and I can get it from other places though. Really? That's what's interesting. But it's more like a 9010. I've had a few come through, but the vast majority don't, so I don't know what to do. Can one of your cast members. I wish I could, but then I don't know. Does that like, I mean, I guess I could I don't know, I think I work. You can find my link tree, link tree even Australia on my on my, my link is on my blue sky Instagram whatever. Things. And so if you want easy access to my, my website, if I may find this show, I have moved to the video version to show the Transcending Humanity show still exists on, YouTube as a channel, but now all my videos are going to my an estradiol channel. And, I still have all the, back episodes of the podcast on the podcast platform, so, but I just rebranded because when I was burnt out doing that show every week or even every two weeks and, so yeah. But okay. Love you girl. I love you back. Thank you for being on and thank. You for being here. Yeah, for being you. Well, we went like almost an hour and 15. Look at us go. I know my point. Like, my little earpiece fell out and it said it stopped recording on my end, but then it picked right back up. So I'm sorry if you have to deal with that in editing. Interesting. Yeah. It's come through like the nice thing. The thing I like about the Riverside platform is it also it records as each individual. Lee. Right. When you have a paid, paid membership with it, which I do, I'm still giving them my 20 bucks a month because whatever, I get it. They record us individually on our own computers, but then they're also recording combined on mine. So then they stitch everything together, which is fair. Okay, guys. So. So it shouldn't it shouldn't disrupt. Yeah. And the quality looks a lot better too. Like it's in 1080p. So. I did like that about it. Yeah. It's a nice platform, so. All right, pretty princess. All right, until next time. I love titles. Okay. I, I set this up.