Coffee with Gays™: Every Sip Is A Story
🎙️ Coffee with Gays™: Season 4
New episodes every Thursday — starting June 5
Coffee with Gays isn’t your typical gay podcast. No WeHo clichés. No curated “safe spaces.” Just real conversations from our unique, unfiltered lens—designed to challenge, entertain, and sometimes piss you off. Good.
👋 Meet your hosts:
🎯 Blaine — insightful, balanced, center-right
📖 Reed — relatable, refreshingly honest
🔥 Season 3 Highlights
🏳️🌈 Before It Was Safe — honoring those who made Pride possible
💔 Matt’s Story — outed after 35 years of marriage
🔮 Psychic Valentina — breaking down America’s birth chart
This isn’t just a podcast—it’s a conversation. A movement. A mirror.
Subscribe now and join us every Thursday.
#CoffeeWithGays ☕️
Coffee with Gays™: Every Sip Is A Story
He Started with Love Bombing, He Put Me in the ER | Ep. 25
🗓️ New episodes every Thursday | Hosted by Blaine & Reed
Blaine opens up about a relationship that nearly cost him his life.
What began with over-the-top romance — flowers, gifts (include a cadillac SUV), nonstop texts — quickly spiraled into control, isolation, and a trip to the emergency room.
In this deeply personal episode, we unpack how one partner’s “love bombing” turned into fear, gaslighting, and physical violence behind closed doors. Blaine and Reed speak candidly about LGBTQ+ domestic violence, sharing hard truths, a little dark humor, and a whole lot of heart.
Yes, the title leans into viral clickbait — but what’s inside is all too real.
This was a hard one to record. Blaine opens up about the night he feared for his life, the aftermath in the ER, and the comments that hurt most: “Well, it was your fault for staying.”
This episode sheds light on why so many victims can’t just leave, and why victim shaming is not just cruel — it’s dangerous. If you’ve ever felt stuck, scared, or ashamed, this one’s for you. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone.
🧠 What You’ll Hear
- When romantic gestures cross into emotional manipulation
- How love bombing creates trauma bonds
- Why Blaine didn’t leave — and why that question misses the point
- The aftermath: the ER visit, the shame spiral, the rebuilding
- What healing actually looks like (hint: it’s messy, but possible)
💬 Key Takeaways
- Love bombing is manipulation wrapped in flattery.
- LGBTQ+ people face equal or higher rates of domestic violence, yet often lack tailored resources.
- Leaving is not always safe — especially for queer victims.
- Shaming survivors only protects abusers.
- Telling your story can help someone else get out.
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 — Introduction & Setup (a “viral” title with a serious story)
01:45 — Love-Bombed: When the honeymoon phase feels like a dream
05:30 — Red Flags: Jealousy, isolation, and the slow creep of control
10:20 — Walking on Eggshells: Gaslighting and daily fear
15:45 — Breaking Point: The night everything turned violent
20:10 — Aftermath: Waking up in the ER and confronting the truth
24:00 — The Shame Spiral: “It was your fault for staying”
30:15 — Support Systems: Friends, therapy, and safe people 35:40 — The Healing Journey: From broken to rebuilding
40:00 — Speaking Out: Why Blaine’s finally telling this story
45:30 — Closing Thoughts: Hope for anyone who feels stuck
🔊 Sound Bites
- • "It felt like a fairy tale at first."
- • "By the time the first punch came, I already felt trapped."
- • “I said: Please don’t kill me. Thin
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like a Dayline special. I thought it was. I thought he was going to murder me. Welcome to Coffee with Gaze. I'm Blaine, I'm Reid and this is episode 25. And we are titling this one. It started as love bombing and I ended up in the ER. Yes, it's a deeply personal episode for me, something I have wanted to talk about and I kind of think it's time and maybe something someone needs to hear. It's an episode about domestic violence. So if it's something that triggers you, just trigger warning on that one. I was in a domestic violence situation and a bad relationship and we thought it would be a good time to talk about gay relationships. Red flags yes, dating red flags, Dating red flags. Obviously, I have not always listened to the red flags and recently did not listen to the red flags yeah Right and ended up with a fractured vertebrae. I was hit over the head with a computer which we'll talk about later and almost was killed in my own apartment. So that is the teaser to this story.
Speaker 2:Extremely traumatizing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're going to offer some tips and tricks on you know how to look for those red flags in dating. I think we've both seen them Not all traumatic like my story, but we do want to talk about that and kind of also give you know our advice there.
Speaker 2:Right, right, though Blaine's personal circumstance or situation was very traumatic and we all are here for you for that, thank you. We also do have some lighthearted stuff. We will talk about love aside from red flags and happy moments as well.
Speaker 1:But yeah, welcome, yeah, welcome to the show. I want to also say welcome to the 3,000 new subscribers. After our Pride arc, which did really, really well, we had a really good Pride arc with our first episode, which was about celebrity gay celebrities which did super awesome from old Hollywood. That was a really fun episode that we did. And then we had a two part episode our friend Matt, who came out after 35 years that did phenomenally well as well. We had that one in the bank for a year and so we want to just thank everyone who's been following us and following along and, yeah, we're here and we just have been listening to all the comments and responding and Reid has been loving all of your comments about him and everything that he has said, so keep them coming. We love it.
Speaker 2:Oh, Blaine, wasn't one of the comments something about me giving. What did the person say?
Speaker 1:About what I was giving. What vibes, dusty vibes We'll move on. Let's move on to the game. We'll do a little fun game first, before getting into the serious part of this topic. I'm here for it. We'll call, calling it, flag it or fix it. So Fix it or flag it. Flag it or fix it, so Fix it. Or flag it. Flag it or fix it. All right, I'm here. Okay, so he you're on. I know you're not on dating apps allegedly, but To be clear, I'm on no dating apps Zero.
Speaker 2:Not a single dating or hookup app, None. So those of you that say I'm not on Grindr but I'm on Scruff, I'm not.
Speaker 1:I'm on none of them. That is very clear. We've already posted a video about this. There's a lot of catfishing. Reid is not on Grindr, but he has a fake Grindr profile. We're just making that clear. Okay, he messages Sup at 1.38 AM and says he's a relationship guy. Is that a flag or a fix?
Speaker 2:What do you think? So I have follow-up questions to this. But have you chatted with him before or is this like an initial?
Speaker 1:initial like sup, it's 1 38 in the morning, but it's like his profile's like I'm really just a relationship guy I wouldn't necessarily call it a red flag.
Speaker 2:I I guess, depending on it's obvious, he's looking for Right.
Speaker 1:A good call yeah. Yes, for sure, I agree. I still think he could be a relationship guy. But you know, it's okay, I would say it's still a fix-it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, honestly, I know plenty of people that have had like one-night stands turn into long-term relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah Okay, like one night stands turn into long-term relationships. Yeah Okay. Next one Getting too drunk on the first date.
Speaker 2:You know, listen, I love having a drink on the first date, just like the next person. But y'all, I've experienced two first dates that were belligerent. It was, it was embarrassed. I felt I was embarrassed for that person. Yeah, it was bad. I felt I was embarrassed for that person. Um, yeah, it was bad. I definitely say limit your liquor on the first date, at least on the first date.
Speaker 1:I agree with you. I have a great story about this one. I went on a date with a guy to this place Bob's Steak and Chop House and, no joke, he fell out of the booth during the date and the waiter had to help me pick him up and put him back in the booth. And I immediately got an Uber home and had to put him to bed like, put a blanket on him and then, by the way, found pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend. So yeah, he was like framed photos photos.
Speaker 1:He was still like kind of like still carrying that candle. Yeah, um, okay, only has snapchat, like no other socials wait, is that a question? Yeah, like he just doesn't really have any other socials, just snapchat can you ask that?
Speaker 2:so you're saying is it a red flag if a guy strictly has snapchat and no other socials? How, how did you meet him? Otherwise, like, how did you guys, how did you get his Snapchat?
Speaker 1:Like again, like Grindr, like again. If you're just like on Grindr and like he just only has a Snapchat.
Speaker 2:Let me back up real quick. So are all these initial connections via Grindr.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just saying yeah, Like you're a normal gay.
Speaker 2:Like a normal gay. Like a normal gay. Yeah, honestly, I feel like if he only had Snapchat, then he probably wouldn't have a Grindr, but it's probably a red flag, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, it's a little shady. He wants something real and you're dating him, so it's been like, let's say, a month, but he still hasn't deleted his dating apps.
Speaker 2:How do you know he still hasn't deleted his dating apps?
Speaker 1:Because they're still on his phone.
Speaker 2:How would you know it's still on his phone unless?
Speaker 1:you're going through his phone. Are you the red flag then?
Speaker 2:No, if after a month you're digging through the guy that you're talking to.
Speaker 1:But if you see it on his phone, like you, just happen to see it.
Speaker 2:If you're, if you wake up to get a drink of water or go pee or something and if you're just sitting next to each other watching tv and grinder like chirps in. I mean that you guys have a conversation. I wouldn't necessarily call it a red flag. I think everybody is. I think everybody, with the exception of me, has this problem. I run into that issue with guys that I've dated where, but where it's your month in, your month in, I would say it's a conversation. Yeah, sure, okay.
Speaker 1:So it's a fix it. I would also call it a fix it too. I would agree. I'd agree. Okay, Suddenly acts like two dates is a relationship Red flag? I completely agree he dubs. I went on a day with this guy and he was a flight attendant and he sent me a breakup text after our second date and I was like I didn't realize this was a relationship. You don't have to break up with me after two dates. It's perfectly fine that you're not ready for a relationship.
Speaker 2:That's that meme new phone. Who dis?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and then okay, Well, this is totally red flag Grainy photos that look like they were taken in 2005 on his dating profile 2015. By the way, this actually probably really applies to you because you actually find people on Facebook. So grainy photos that look like they were taken on 2005 on Facebook, because you meet people on Facebook.
Speaker 2:I mean you're gonna have to rephrase that. People friend me on Facebook. Yeah, I know I don't go searching at all.
Speaker 1:But they're like grainier photos. They look a little older.
Speaker 2:So I don't know, I feel like these days there are so many bots or whatever whatever they're called like fake profiles out there, or like when I was on, when I was on Tinder, I I felt like I was getting a lot more fake profiles and I was real profiles. So I don't know, it's really hard to determine these days with all the AI stuff and whatnot. Remember, do you remember that guy that was sending me pictures and he sent me a video and we both but like I asked you and Ryan, I was like dude, is this guy real or did he completely CGI the video? It was completely.
Speaker 1:So for see, for me that would be a totally red flag, but for you? You kept asking.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1:So there you go, I'm a little naive. For you that would be a fix it, For me it would be a red flag.
Speaker 2:It would be a red flag. I need human to human interaction, like I need to hear your voice, like see you in person. I need that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I'm needy, so that kind of stuff I'm needy, so yeah. Yeah Well, red flag, there you go, red flag for sure.
Speaker 2:There you go, and that's what's. What's the next one?
Speaker 1:That's it, Okay.
Speaker 2:Those are all of the did you red flag most of them or no?
Speaker 1:Pretty much red flag. That's my. I think there's a. There's a few fixes there. Yeah, Well, great, Okay, so moving in. Okay, let's get into the meat of it. Yes, so the ultimate red flag is I recently dated recently, like last beginning of last year ended up dating somebody who came up to me at a bar Wait can I, can I pause here?
Speaker 2:Go ahead to me at a bar. Wait, can I pause here, go ahead? So just from what I knew, I was under the impression that you met this guy not long before New Year's, maybe like the end of December, isn't that right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, end of.
Speaker 2:December. Alright, so you met him at the end of December. Then New Year's came around, which I didn't attend the New Year's Eve party that you guys went to but I did hear a lot about it after the fact. I think we actually even talked about it on one of the episodes. Yeah, one of the first, briefly, the first. Yeah, we actually did talk about it, the first episode.
Speaker 1:We did yeah on our New Year's episode.
Speaker 2:But because Blaine is such a forgiving guy, he went ahead and forgave what happened on New Year's and gave him a second chance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know he came up to me at a bar and, speaking of dating apps and everything, I really was kind of over meeting guys on dating apps and I think there's a lot of questions around like where do you meet guys these days? And I really have stopped meeting guys on dating apps and I want to get into this later because now I'm kind of back on the apps but I really started meeting people in real life, like literally, I haven't been on dating apps for a very long time and I've been meeting people in real life and I have been very happy with that. And he came up to me at a bar, asked about my height I'm six foot five and you know what's the weather like up there. I thought it was super cute. He was very cute and very flattering.
Speaker 1:So you know, immediately the love bombing started and it was just like a whirlwind of a night. You know I mean sleep together five times, go to brunch with my friends the next day, which I never do. Red flag number one Well, first of all, on my part, never take a guy to meet your friends day one. But you know, I kind of was to the point of just like I always try to separate. I don't know what do you do Like? Do you keep your guys apart from your friends right at the beginning?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say so. So it would have to depend on the first date. The first date is me and him. Right, we're getting to know each other Probably the first week. I don't even tell anybody about the person I'm dating until probably a month or so in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was at a four month kind of thing because my friends are harsh, to say the least. But I kind of had this new theory where I was like I'm just going to vet everyone real quick and just get them out of the. You know, get them out if they're really bad. So I took them to brunch and there were just a lot of red flags at brunch, by the way.
Speaker 2:Again, this brunch happened before New Year's.
Speaker 1:Before New Year's. Yeah, it was like literally the day after we met and my friend noticed he had a wedding ring on.
Speaker 2:Back up. That's not one of the red flag questions.
Speaker 1:No, it is Totally. And he said, and my friend texted me during brunch and said he has a wedding ring on. And I go shit, didn't notice that one, you know. And we had a text like five times that I was like, oops, didn't know I'm going to slip up a married man and uh, and so, like you know, my friend is going like, what's the wedding ring about? And it's like, oh, you know, I just wear it, you know. So people don't hit on me at bars which come to find out he had been married to a woman, had a daughter, hadn't told me any of this, I know. So, literally, like the stories start coming right at the beginning and then, you know, end up spending more time with this guy and ending up getting a lot of stories and and I again like I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to follow a timeline here. So this was what. The week before new year's, before new year's, okay. So week before new year's you met him.
Speaker 1:You took him out to brunch, yeah, and then after that brunch, I find out we got a daughter, we got an ex-wife, right, yeah, and then we end up spending pretty much the entire week together because it's like a whole love bomb, like right.
Speaker 2:So brunch was in between christmas and new year's. Right after that brunch, then you guys, what did new did New Year's or, like, inadvertently, he ended up going with you to the New Year's Eve thing I took him to my friend's New Year's party. Now tell me about how that went.
Speaker 1:So I ended up taking him to a New Year's party. I find out all this stuff about him. You know, allegedly great Christian goes church all the time, like I said, daughter, wife, ex-wife, and then I accept all of this. He's, by the way, super pushing me to be his boyfriend, which I'm like. You know, I don't want to be a boyfriend right away, but I did, like I said, invite him to my friend's New Year's party.
Speaker 1:And the second we get there, he says he's not going to drink a lot. And I also find out he is bipolar, which he's told me by this point too.
Speaker 2:Like clinically bipolar.
Speaker 1:Clinically bipolar, but allegedly on medicine and I say that's okay. You know, I never want to judge anyone for a mental problem or anything no.
Speaker 1:And you know, and I've had my own issues and everything, so I believe in you know, everybody getting help. So we go to the party and everything and he says he's not going to drink a lot, he's going to make a good impression with my friends and the second we get there he has one whiskey Coke and then literally within 20 minutes of getting there, he is three whiskey Cokes in, super drunk and he just starts harassing all of my friends, literally face to face with people. It was such a nightmare. I mean my friends were just literally like face to face with people. Like it was such a nightmare. I mean my friends were just so uncomfortable the whole night. I mean it was just a nightmare.
Speaker 2:So before the ball even drops, he's already. Yeah, okay, cool.
Speaker 1:It was very uncomfortable. Everybody basically hated him. And then I just basically had to put him in timeout throughout the night in one of the bedrooms and, needless to say, even the nicest of the friends were like dude, you need to back off. Like he was just so aggressive. And you know, we just had this like super, like sexual relationship too, and of course that happened as well that night. And then, you know, the next day, I just ended up forgiving everything and then he apologized. And you know, I kind of just decided, you know what, I just ended up forgiving everything. And then he apologized and I kind of just decided you know what, I just won't bring them around my friends, and then it'll be okay.
Speaker 2:So because you were attracted to him and because he seemingly apologized, you were kind of forgiving the obvious red flags in the room right, like you were kind of okay.
Speaker 1:I got you. Yeah, we had this like really big connection right, like you were kind of okay, I get you. Yeah, we had this like really big connection Right, like really great sex connection. Yeah, that was part of it.
Speaker 2:And then because, outside of the sexual connection, what did you guys spend most of your time doing? Him apologizing and you forgiving yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that. And then I will say there was this other time that my mom happened to be here and then he was like over here and he would like, he like prayed with her and did this whole Christian act thing too, which she really loved and really liked him too, total freaking con artist. Man is allegedly like a missionary, and Jordan and this is another thing I will probably always be running a background check too, because I think some of this stuff was wow I mean, I learned it was like on a, like a watch list at some point as well like it was just completely wild some of that right now, just to say not all love bombs or not all quick relationships or quick, I don't know actions are bad or red flags, just to say, but this has like yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean because the assault happened in March, so like we're literally talking like end of December to like March 5th, and it felt like so much longer than that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let me fast forward. After the New Year's Eve party, we recorded and filmed our first podcast of the year. Right, it was about what? January 6th, 4th, 6th, whichever and by that point you guys were done. You guys were broken up. Oh, yes you did.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, we did yeah.
Speaker 2:You guys were done and you were like it's probably for the best. New Year's Eve was bad. You know, you live and you learn Probably not going to talk to that one anymore, yeah.
Speaker 1:You are right. And then he like, roped me back in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which I didn't even realize, that he roped me in.
Speaker 1:That's when I said like, oh, what I'll do is I'll just keep him away from my friends. And that's what I think really caused a lot of issues with my friends in this is that I started seeing him again. He convinced me and then it just got really intense and, like I said, he really convinced me like to be his boyfriend, even though I like really was like not going to do that and it was against everybody's advice, which really caused a lot of problems with my friendships later down the road. And then I did end up telling everyone that we were together. I did, and they accepted it, kind of kept him away from everyone.
Speaker 2:So, like looking back, just to say you can see his manipulation. He was starting stuff with your friends off the bat so he could remove the friends from the equation, get you alone, get you to himself.
Speaker 1:The isolation is true, and you know, he's not the first one to do it to me, which is, like, I think, what upset me the most and I think this is a common thing with men, because my last boyfriend in LA did the same thing the one I lived with for five years and he wasn't an aggressive personality like this, he was actually very opposite but he also was very like isolating too. He didn't like me hanging out with my friends at all. So it's something I'm unpacking in therapy now because I'm like why do I allow guys to? I'm a I'm a very social outgoing person with a ton of friends Like, why do I allow guys to do that? I don't understand how that happens. It's a very odd thing.
Speaker 2:So the last guy I dated, not to get off topic but the last guy I dated.
Speaker 2:Um, our first date amazing. Our second date actually didn't happen for probably a month or so, but that's strictly because of scheduling. So our first date was awesome. It was just the two of us. I loved how he has a really close best friend and a part of like the first few dates was the first one was him and I no-transcript, he was an acquaintance from a long time ago but had a date with him and his best friend. And then another date was me, him and his son. Well, yeah, it's not the friend, it's not the giant friend group that you have, but some people do do the whole, incorporating your friends solely into it. I mean, yours had so many red flags right off the gate. I mean, I'm not saying that you're an idiot either. Like everyone has a naive moment for sure.
Speaker 1:I mean, like I said, I've told everybody that I was completely naive. I mean, sex was the part of the part of it, you and the love bombing. I mean it is a thing for real. It was all the text and all the gifts. I've never had a guy give me gifts and I'm not a gift person, I don't do gifts. He bought me an Apple Watch. By the way, I ended up buying myself this Apple Watch because I had bought myself another Apple Watch that like wasn't the big Apple Watch, and then I bought myself this one after I gave it back after the incident, because I was like I can buy my own damn Apple Watch.
Speaker 2:Yep, you're an independent one.
Speaker 1:You know I'm an independent, I don't need him. But he bought me this Apple Watch one day and I was like nobody's ever bought me a gift like this. And it was just this like moment of like and I told him I was like go take this stupid thing back, I don't need an Apple Watch, I already have one. And he's like oh, it's the small one, you know, you need the big one because you're 6'5". And I was like my God, like no one's ever done this for me. It's just weird, right, and it gets really crazy because he ended up buying me a car. So just hold up.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, the assault.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, I remember that yeah.
Speaker 1:So like it's just like these kind of crazy things that were like kind of screwing with my head and I was just like okay, like I Like I just haven't had anyone do those kind of things for me and I just it just like roped me in and that's, I think like where that like love bombing kind of stuff happens Right.
Speaker 1:So I don't know, Fast forward to you know, March, March it just he had been arrested because he had a fight with his family, had a worn out, and I finally had kind of had it with the crazy. He had already accused me of cheating on him when I had gone to DC. We had had a huge fight. He had gone through my phone and blocked hundreds of people, Blocked me, yeah, Blocked you, blocked a business partner of mine, blocked so many people. And so I kind of had it with the crazy, the bipolar thing. So I ended up breaking up with him after he got arrested the first time and then I told all my friends, I broke up with him at brunch and then he ended up getting this car from his grandmother and then gave it to me, this Cadillac, and that night that he brought me this car as a gift.
Speaker 2:You guys. So let me just stop you there. I recall you telling me that you guys were booking your plane tickets to like Greece or something.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah. He had also decided that he was taking me to Greece and we were planning a trip that night actually to Greece, and he was like going to sell his grandma's house and like, with the money he was going to take us to Greece, and that's what we were planning that exact night. He was like going to sell his grandma's house and like, with the money he was going to take us to Greece, and that's what we were planning that exact night. And we had driven the Cadillac that he had bought me to Total Wine and you could tell he was in a total manic state. And I told him he was in a manic state and he was just on a high, like a high, and you could tell.
Speaker 2:Were you comfortable, Like had you guys had just to say, because he spoke about him being a bipolar or multiple personality, had you had a conversation and felt comfortable enough to say hey, listen, I think you're having a manic episode.
Speaker 1:I told him, I told Awan, and I said I think you're manic right now. I was like because he was buying like very strange things, like a decanter and stuff, like stuff that we just didn't need, because I was like I have need Cause. I was like I have that and he's like no, we need this, we need that. Had you ever seen his medication? Uh, no, I. He said he was on it and I hadn't seen it. And he said he was like getting another kind of medication and I was like I don't know if he's on it, because he was definitely having manic episodes like more frequently.
Speaker 1:I felt you ever see him do drugs. I hadn't seen him do drugs, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was, because he was just really like out of it and it just that night he was on just another level. So we were at Total Wine. He was just completely, completely going crazy, trying to buy hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, and just crazy stuff too, even like gift bags. It was like, oh for the gram, it was just crazy.
Speaker 2:Sounds like somebody on drugs.
Speaker 1:I mean he might have been, I have no idea and so we ended up coming back here.
Speaker 1:We planned this whole trip to Greece and he ended up falling back here. We planned this whole trip to Greece and he ended up falling asleep on my shoulder because he was just so like manic and I think he just got like tired. And I ended up finding out on his phone because it's sent like the Greece itinerary. It said we were planning it on Gemini and he was obsessed with this Gemini thing, sent it to his phone, sent it, sent it to his phone, sent it to his phone and I was trying to find it on his text messages. And then, when I went through his text messages, I ended up finding out that he was also a erotic masseuse that I didn't know and also that he was like I don't know, trying to like hook up with dudes like four in the morning on a night that he wanted me to come over but I didn't. So he was like totally cheating on me and I was like cool, woke him up, was like what the hell is this so back?
Speaker 2:up. He falls asleep on your shoulder. He has no password on his phone.
Speaker 1:Well, his phone was open.
Speaker 2:I was doing the Gemini thingini thing okay, so he had fallen asleep on your shoulder while you were on his phone. Yeah, okay, that's on him. That's his first of all. I don't condone going into like because, in all honesty, I think these days your phone is just your phone. There's so many things.
Speaker 1:I'm not as good'm not a student either. I don't do that.
Speaker 2:Right, and I'm not saying that you or I or anybody has anything on the phone that could be incriminating, but these days there's so much on my phone that could come off as incriminating or whatnot, that I'd rather just you ask me and I give it to you Don't forget, he went through my phone and blocked a bunch of people.
Speaker 1:No, no, I'm not forgetting. I haven't forgotten that at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know how I would have gone about that, though I would have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I saw him like sucking a bunch of guys' dicks and, you know, doing a bunch of erotic massage and everything. It was really heartbreaking.
Speaker 2:And this is all between January and March, right, oh?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah. And then he found out he was an erotic masseuse. And you know, if he had told me that and everything, I would have been like because I kind of did wonder where he got his money and stuff I'd have been probably okay with it Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 2:Back it up. I thought he was a personal trainer. When I asked you what he did for a living, he was telling me.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you thought he was a personal trainer, but then out of nowhere he's doing an erotic massage.
Speaker 2:Not that erotic massages are bad For those of you that do that for a living, like hey, no judgment, by the way, I'm probably one of the most sex-positive people.
Speaker 1:Again, I probably wouldn't have cared. And also like, by the way, like, and then during his manic episodes, he's sitting there like calling these guys that he used to hook up with. Anyway, I was just so pissed, especially after he had, like, accused me of cheating on him.
Speaker 2:I just was so pissed, so you wake him up after you read the text messages.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wake him up.
Speaker 2:Okay, just to clarify, you both are in your underwear, obviously, right yeah, Like not dressed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not dressed.
Speaker 1:Trying to you know, and then, you know, I confront him about it. We end up talking about it for like an hour. He ends up just getting so angry. At some point he was just like his eyes were just doing this thing that I can't explain, and I've only seen it one other time. It was when he thought I cheated on him and he went like literally crazy, had me film a video of him. Then he just lost it on me and started beating the shit out of me, yeah, and he ended up.
Speaker 1:I mean it was a very long it was about a 45 minute situation where he started in your apartment and ended the highlights where he basically took my laptop at one point, hit me over the head multiple times and I begged him to stop and I thought it was going to be like a dateline special. I thought it was. I thought he was going to murder. Like a Dateline special. I thought it was going to murder me.
Speaker 2:Well, he tried choking you.
Speaker 1:And he did choke me and I passed out at one point and I told him you're going to kill me and I said think of your daughter and I somehow I have a very long apartment and I somehow made it out of my apartment and was able to fight him off.
Speaker 2:So it started in the way Blaine's apartment is. You enter in the front door, you go just a long apartment that goes all the way to like the floor to ceiling windows that overlooks whatever he's on the 16th floor.
Speaker 1:It started in the back of the apartment and you made your way from it started in the bedroom and then I ended up going to the kitchen, which is in the back, which was not a great idea.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And that's where the worst of it happened. And that's when he hit me over the head and I started bleeding and that's when the blood started coming. He hit me with the computer and the blood came down and that's where he choked me. And then that's where I was trapped and I thought, my God, I'm going to die here, Right. I was like how am I going to make it the hell out? And that's where I had to fight all the way back up to the front. And then I got to the hallway. I didn't even know where my phone was. I have no idea. I don't think I had my phone the whole time and I ended up getting out into my hallway and then I was against a wall and I just started beating at a wall, screaming for help.
Speaker 2:From my neighbors Was it two o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning 30 in the morning.
Speaker 1:At this point and it was my neighbors didn't come out. I mean my building's kind of built like a fortress and also like I have a feeling everybody thinks I'm crazy. All my neighbors, by the way to this day like, ignore me. And then, uh, got down the elevator but he followed me and beat me the whole time All the way down the elevator, ended up attacking my concierge too. After I was taken up by security, they separated us, took me up stairs and then he attacked my concierge and A female that's downstairs.
Speaker 2:Was it a male or a female?
Speaker 1:Female concierge. Yeah, and so he escalated after I was even gone and the cops were just shocked by it. He broke like computers downstairs, everything. So yeah, it was just he was.
Speaker 2:He has some serious issues and so so at the end of the night he gets arrested, he pressed charges, he goes to jail.
Speaker 1:And that's the last you've ever you've seen of him. That is a lot. Yeah, well, he ended up harassing me after the fact. Uh, he ended up, uh, contacting my boss after that, trying to accuse me of assault, and he contacted a charity organization I'm a part of trying to accuse me of assault and a bunch of other illicit stuff. He tried to. So, yeah, he tried to get me fired.
Speaker 1:And what else did he do? Oh, he stalked me. He sent somebody that he was in jail with to my house to collect the car keys and showed up and like my whole building staff that's here like was like terrified. So, yeah, it was just like I endured about another three weeks of stalking after that. So that was, I mean, it was just like I endured about another three weeks of stalking after that. So that was, I mean, it was just like horrific. You know, I think the thing that was the weirdest thing for me is one you're kind of like I feel bad. I understand women. Now, after this Number one, thank God I live in this building called the Ashton here in Dallas and thank God to the building staff here. They were amazing because it was really terrifying. Like number one, he was sending people here. He was hanging out around the building and you're just kind of left like to your own devices. Like the cops that were here that night, they were amazing, I have to say, dpd, but the detectives were shitty. They did like absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, what were they supposed to do? He's already incarcerated, he's already in jail.
Speaker 1:No, jail for like 12 hours. Then he was out and then he was harassing me. He had his grandma sending me texts. He had like random people threatening to sue me if I didn't return his Apple Watch and his car and all this other stuff.
Speaker 2:So all the gifts that he got you he wanted back.
Speaker 1:All the gifts he wanted back immediately. By the way, it was completely illegal. I had an emergency protective order and what he was doing was illegal and the detectives were doing nothing, the cops were doing nothing and he just kept threatening me. I had huge text messages which I was sending to them and they were doing absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean.
Speaker 1:Like. I said he was sending people that he was in jail with to my building and he can't have 24-hour surveillance.
Speaker 2:No, no, exactly.
Speaker 1:But my point is what he was doing was violating the protective order and cops should have gone and picked him up and they weren't. So I'm just saying like, if you're a woman, like living in a house by yourself, like that would be like terrifying. I was lucky that I'm in a protected building and I felt like protected.
Speaker 2:Right, you're in a condo and it's 16 floors up Like.
Speaker 1:Like I felt protected, but like I see why people are terrified of people like this, for sure, and you know, just to be clear, like after this has happened, he's now. He was arrested a month after the fact for assaulting a hospital worker, stalking at the same time also stalking somebody else and harassing a witness, and Denton. And Denton, yeah, and then, and then a month later in Kansas he was, he was arrested again For like assault in the gym or something For assault, battery, destruction of property, and he's been in jail since then for a month and a half on $175,000 bail.
Speaker 1:So he's literally super, duper, dangerous, like, so, like, literally like. It started with me and it just escalated and escalated.
Speaker 2:Well, I thought you found out before he got arrested. He was arrested before too.
Speaker 1:And he was arrested before. Well, obviously, a week before he assaulted me, he was arrested.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, like this guy was dangerous from the beginning and you know, like I said, he was doing those harassing things to me for three weeks and the cops wouldn't do anything. I was begging them to do something.
Speaker 2:Well, just think to yourself all the, all the red flags questions that you were asking the beginning of the game. None of them, like Exactly he didn't do any of them, though Did he Didn't do any of what the red flags that we came up with at the beginning of the game Beginning?
Speaker 1:Did he? No, I mean he was Well, yeah, I mean he did. I mean he did plenty of red flags, but he was charming. He was charming, but he did. Yeah, he had plenty of red flags.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, he had plenty of red flags.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, he did. Then I mean, I think from a cop and a criminal standpoint he was like had tons of red flags, right, and the cops like didn't do anything after the fact.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, did you get his?
Speaker 1:this is a stupid question but did you get his full legal name when you guys met? I actually did. I had his driver's license and everything because his driver's license was expired, so I had to help him get a driver's license appointment. God, I'm such an idiot.
Speaker 2:Hey, you wanted to talk about this.
Speaker 1:I know, you know I got to tell you, though I want to say, like the people who did the right things in this situation, because I think there was a lot that went good when I went to the hospital, like I went to Parkland and for people that don't know, like Parkland's the public hospital, oh yeah. Jfk went to the original Parkland, but there's a new Parkland but it's where the like if you're poor and you have no money to go.
Speaker 1:And when I was on the there when I was on the gurney, I was like they were like Baylor's full, which is the private hospital, and I was like, oh my God, please don't take me to Parkland. That's like where the homeless people go. God, I have to tell you, the nurses and the doctors of Parkland were so incredible to me. I mean, there was this nurse, they, I you know, I'm going to do like pictures and measure everything and it'll help with the case. And if you don't feel comfortable, like you don't have to do it, I can come back. You know, I know this is a thing and it's going to take like an hour and a half or something.
Speaker 1:And I was like and you're just so tired and like out of it, like I mean I had a major concussion. You know I obviously had fractured vertebrae and everything, neck bruising, right. Yeah, I mean I had. Yeah, obviously my neck was bruised and all this stuff. And you know, it was like five and six in the morning. I just was just out of it and I did ask her to come back and then she did, and then she's like you know, I don't have to and then she was just amazing. I have to tell you they were just complete angels. I just really appreciate everybody at Parkland how nice they were to me and just kind. Everybody told me not to go back to him and I was like, by the way, do not worry, I will not.
Speaker 2:You didn't right, Like this is okay. Yeah, the way, do not worry, I will not. You didn't right Like this is okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Not even crossed my mind, but I will say I mean I do know like a lot of people go back into abusive relationships. I would never in a million years go back, not like I had the opportunity, kept going back to jail but he never contacted me again because he had an. I mean there was a protective order and I took every precaution to stay away from him. Had I mean there was a protective order and I took every precaution to stay away from him. But I mean clearly a lot of people would go back, I mean, and I was warned by everybody to not go back.
Speaker 2:I kind of feel like these days, a lot of people have this fear of being alone, which I mean I get it. It's not fun being single. It's not fun, you know, doing things by yourself. I get it, and as humans, we do require whatever a part of domestic violence.
Speaker 1:They don't really report it and some do go back and I've been really shocked by how many people this has happened to.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean you're talking. Your situation was physical, mental, emotional, like abuse. This guy was a straight carner coroner. That you know was also physically.
Speaker 1:But I've heard a lot of guys that I've known now that have actually been in the hospital, been beat up, that have showed me pictures, and then they went back to these people. I'm, I can't believe it. I, I did not, I would never Um.
Speaker 2:I just not. I would never. I don't know anybody that would take like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I've now heard multiple stories. I would never do it, but I have to say like and like I said, I had this woman, veronica, from the family place in Dallas. She reached out to me and the Dallas police work with them. They reached out. I mean, there's so many support resources for people out there If you are a victim of domestic abuse, so you aren't like left alone, but you kind of are sometimes. So there was a lot of steps along the way. I will say the Dallas prosecutors were amazing too. I got a five-year protective order against him and she spent I don't know an hour and a half going through my story and got him served with a five-year protective order, which is more than the two years that they typically do. And he's also not allowed to post on social media about me because that's what he was also doing trying to torture me.
Speaker 2:But you're allowed to talk about him on your podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not saying who or what, but yeah.
Speaker 2:That's right, we did not use names, correct.
Speaker 1:No names, just hypotheticals. But yeah, I have to say the prosecutor has been amazing and it was, it's been, it was, they were really amazing. And I just have to say, like I think my heart goes out to everybody that's been a victim of domestic abuse, because it's just been like it was a lot. The other thing I will say it's really weird how people act around you after this happens. What do you mean? Because I think people don't know how to act and I do think there's a lot of judgment. What? Because you I'm sorry, because you got yourself into this mess.
Speaker 2:I mean, listen, I will say I use the term and I was brought up this way. If you're going to be dumb, you better be tough, which is why I'm really really tough. Yeah, because I do really dumb things sometimes. So I'm just glad that you're okay and that's all that matters to me. Person that you are, you will take the circumstances and experience and turn it into a lesson and make sure that nobody else has to learn that lesson.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Look, I'm not saying I'm not dumb for getting into a bad situation and being a victim of domestic violence, but like I would have never expected him to do that to me and literally lose it.
Speaker 1:I don't think anybody, I shouldn't think that anybody would expect that I don't think anybody does, but I think what I do think is people need to give people that are in that situation a little grace, and I just think that maybe people just don't know how to react and they have a hard time with it. But I will say, for victims of domestic violence, I do think there's probably a little victim blaming there. Really I do, I just do and I don't blame anyone for it. But I do feel like maybe I felt like a lot of people were like, well, you kind of let it happen and, by the way, by the way, in my situation in particular, he had been arrested right before and went back and then I didn't tell anyone. So I was kind of stupid and I get it and, in all fairness to the people in my life, like they were really scared for me. So I understand.
Speaker 1:But, then it also feels like like it's like, oh well, you should have known better. So it's a very complicated thing, I think relationship wise with your family and your friends Right. But I will say there's like there's certain people that, like I know, didn't judge at all, but like I do feel like for people that have been through this, I see where people feel like very judged and I just want to say to everybody out there, like if you feel judged, no don't feel I Like. I totally understand why.
Speaker 2:Getting physically assaulted is different than going back to your ex and then crying about him breaking up with you or something over and over. That's one thing.
Speaker 1:I've heard people when they like, especially women that have been insulted, say that they feel judged. And I understand that. Now I've heard it and I understand because, like, I felt judged and it was like, it was like you know, he kind of like let that happen to him and I totally like, yeah, I mean I kind of put myself in that situation. I was stupid, but I get why people kind of I don't look at that at all.
Speaker 2:I look at the situation as in yes, there were red flags and yes, there were signs, Right, but nothing in your mind was telling you this guy is going to fucking lose it and try to kill me with my own laptop or try to choke me out Like nothing was telling you that I'm also 6'5" and I would never have thought I could not take him in a million years, and I just—.
Speaker 2:So that, I think, is a scary thought, you know, because I'm not 6'5" right and I'm 5'9 right and I'm five nine and I'm I'm super skinny, but like I feel like I can take on whomever tries to like attack me. I don't know why, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, I've always felt that way too, but so that had to have been a terrifying situation, thinking that like literally telling him you're gonna, you know, like I feel like that's the scariest thing Because you know I've traveled all over the world and I told my friend I'll give my friend Whitney a shout out here because she's always we've traveled together and I always tell her, like oh, whitney, please like stop being scared. Like you know, I'm six, five. Like I'm not, you know I'm basically invincible. That was the first night I knew I wasn't invincible and I knew, like I could die.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That was, I think, the scariest thing.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, without even thinking, you know I worry about people that I don't know who I was talking to about this. Was I talking to you about this? How? I'm afraid that, oh, no, no, buddy's ex-wife, the guy that we're gonna have on next. I was like listen, dude, I would be afraid that you would fall asleep next to her if you guys got back together and she would kill you in the middle of like, kill you while you were sleeping. Like this, like the things that his ex-wife is doing to him or his current wife is doing to him soon to be ex-wife makes me. I told him I was like I fear for your, your safety. I feel fear for your life. I feel like she is going to make sure that she has a life insurance policy set up.
Speaker 1:Come home one day, make you a drink or something, put you to sleep and then murder you at night well, and to this point and I think this gets into like who you date and who you say like even let stay over your house at night, like it's crazy. I now think that, like who I even let in my home? I actually now have cameras in my house, I have a camera in the studio, I have a camera in my living room and I do because you know, just in case something like that ever happens again, you know I am somewhat protected or have it documented because, like I'm again like not invincible up in your sleep and uh, you know I wouldn't, you wouldn't have a chance. So, yeah, it gave me a really big perspective on life and and you just gotta be a lot more careful about people than you think and I definitely won't be letting um people in anymore, um, like I used to, or, you know, getting that close. Now I will say I have started dating again.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But I am. I just started dating again. I am back on Grindr and the and some apps and some apps. I'm in therapy and it's been good. It's been good. By the way, I have to say, the state of Texas has a lot of really good resources for Domestic violence.
Speaker 1:Domestic violence. Yeah, the office of Ken Paxton. I know nobody likes Ken Paxton, but they actually do a lot. You don't have to pay for anything and they actually told me that at the hospital they said don't worry about any of your medical bills, which thank God, because they did a full body CAT scan on me, full body like everything, head to toe, which is how I found out about all my fractured vertebraes and everything and, by the way, I'm fine. Physical therapy and everything.
Speaker 2:Plastic surgery.
Speaker 1:But they do cover all your medical bills. They cover three years of therapy. They cover everything Relocation services You're allowed to move for three years. I mean they cover literally everything.
Speaker 2:Do they pay for your moving? I don't understand.
Speaker 1:Relocation services. Like everything, they cover a lot.
Speaker 2:You told me all I needed is some dude to beat me up. And then I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, you're going to get your ass handed to you in the comments for this stuff. I'm'm sorry, my sincerest apologies.
Speaker 1:My heart goes out to anyone that's gone through domestic but I have to say State of Texas, ken Paxton's office, and they're very responsive. They were very quick at approving everything for me getting the money there. It has been really incredible. And then I actually work with the Resource Center of Dallas, which is our gay center here in Dallas, and my therapist is through there and they have been amazing. So I want to thank them as well, and my therapist, noelle. So, anyway, that's why I'm able to talk about all of this. Anyway, there's a ton of resources out there. There's an organization called RAIN and then, like I said, the Family Place, and Veronica was amazing. They do a liaison work with the Dallas Police Department. I'll put all those resources in the show notes. What was I going to talk about next? Sorry, cut this part of something. So what are your final notes on red flags and how to prevent them?
Speaker 2:I don't think red flags are preventable.
Speaker 1:Do you Google your date?
Speaker 2:No, I don't. So here's the thing as surprising as this may be, I'm a firm advocate of love and things like. In a perfect world, my future husband or my soulmate would hit me with his car in the gym parking lot or the parking lot of a dog park or something like that. That would be, you know, my ideal situation. But because we're in 2025, I know that apps happen and social media happens and that's how you connect and meet people.
Speaker 2:I think sometimes, after having a great connection for a little while, sometimes the relationships go sour. I don't know. Sometimes they go south Hopefully not as south as Blaine's relationship went but it's important to remember that being patient and getting to know someone is okay sometimes. Yeah, of course, do your background checks for certain things. If you see a red flag, or if you come across a red flag, do your due diligence. I don't recommend to anyone going into anyone else's phone. I don't recommend that because I feel like that's a huge invasion of privacy and for many reasons. I mean, your phone these days is your, like that's your link to your jobs.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:So it could also cause really big fights, not like Blaine's. But just have patience, be honest, be upfront with each other, don't cheat on each other, unless that's something that you guys have agreed upon or something I don't know. But yeah, if you see red flags, do your due diligence, tell a friend, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I will say I do think love bombing is a red flag. I do think getting into and this is like I said I shouldn't have gotten involved too quickly. Again, I told myself I wouldn't Gonna work with my therapist on this one. Don't get into something too quick. I did the last time. I did too, when I was in LA. Didn't work out. I did Google him, by the way, and there there was nothing. Now my friends have all started using some app to start looking up their phone number and doing like little mini background checks. I have those, you have those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have like been verified and that kind of stuff. Yeah, I mean. So just to say I don't look up like the last guy I dated. We'll call him C.
Speaker 2:I didn't look up his background because he was pretty upfront with me on his first date that he wasn't divorced as of yet when we went on our first date and that was fine he had moved away from his ex and he had told me he was honest and upfront about it. So I think that's another reason why we took things very slow. I don't know. But yeah, if you want to do your background check, do your background check and just don't. That's like looking at someone's Facebook and going through other pictures and going, oh, I don't know, I don't like him, look at this. I don't like him, look at this. Give it a second. You know, give people a chance. I'm an advocate of love.
Speaker 1:Don't, I don't know, don't, don't judge a book by its cover. Okay, I mean you think you're right. I think, like I said, all the warning signs for my person was there, obviously. And look, even my guy from West Hollywood. I knew, you know, after a few months probably Hollywood. I knew, you know, after a few months probably it wasn't going to work, but I had already moved in with them after like six weeks. So, and yeah, I think you have to cut them. Cut them when you know it's bad and then, uh, definitely just see when you see those red flags, just cut them off and get done with them.
Speaker 2:I mean, give us your dating advice, chime in and give us your, your dating red flags. What are your red flags? What to look for, what not to look for?
Speaker 1:God love to hear what they would have to say what's your most chaotic red flag moment?
Speaker 2:I want to hear people's top 10 red flags Like where, where's your, where's your? All right, this is number 10. That's it, I'm done. I'm out Like 10 red flags, five red flags, whatever it is. How long do you wait until you finally let someone go when you're dating them and things haven't progressed?
Speaker 1:That would be great. Well, thank you so much for joining us today and listening to my story and my trauma. And you know, if you're listening to this and you feel trapped, scared, confused, alone, you're not.
Speaker 2:You're not alone.
Speaker 1:There's always a way out and you can always get out. So you're not crazy or weak and it's not your fault, that's a. No, I'm just saying it's not your fault, ever it's not your fault and.
Speaker 2:It's not your fault.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, you're not alone, Mm-hmm. So anyway, this has been another episode of Coffee with Gaze. Thanks for joining us. Thanks to all the new followers. Again, Follow Coffee with Gaze for more episodes like this one. I want to say we actually have a lot of exciting new episodes coming up. We have some authors we're going to be interviewing the queer authors that we're really excited that is coming up next.
Speaker 2:Some straight people, straight people.
Speaker 1:And with some very interesting stories. Oh yeah, and we're really excited for these new format shows of Coffee with Gay. So thanks for joining us and we look forward to seeing you next time.
Speaker 2:Thanks, guys, see you later Thanks.
Speaker 1:Cheers.
