The Bite Size Podcast with Lorayne Michaels

Refined by Fire: How Setbacks Become Your Greatest Opportunity

• Lorayne • Season 2 • Episode 64

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When life knocks us down, we face a pivotal choice – will we stay stuck in our pain, or use it as fuel to propel us forward? This raw and vulnerable conversation explores how our response to adversity shapes not just our recovery but our entire future.

Drawing from personal experiences with divorce and unexpected job loss, I share the moment I received shocking news about my position at a functional medicine clinic – and how what initially felt like rejection transformed into one of my greatest blessings. The path wasn't straightforward, requiring honest self-reflection and a willingness to look beyond the surface pain to discover deeper purpose.

We dive deep into the unhealthy coping mechanisms many high-achieving women default to: overachievement to avoid feelings, emotional numbing through wine or Netflix binges, isolation from community, and identity crises that shake our fundamental beliefs about ourselves. These patterns keep us trapped in cycles of pain rather than moving toward expansion.

The transformation begins when we shift our perspective from "why is this happening to me?" to "how is this happening for me?" This subtle but powerful reframe opens doors to growth that remain closed when we're fixated on victimhood. True expansion comes when we get rooted before reacting, process emotions instead of bypassing them, look for purpose in our pain, connect rather than isolate, and surrender outcomes we can't control.

You'll walk away with practical tools including grounding techniques, specific breathwork exercises for immediate nervous system regulation, journaling prompts, and scripture meditations that provide spiritual anchoring during life's storms. Perhaps most importantly, you'll learn to question whether your current beliefs are serving the woman you're becoming.

Remember, adversity isn't a sign you're failing – it's proof you're in the refining fire. You're not broken; you're becoming exactly who you were created to be. What painful experience might actually be your greatest opportunity for growth?

Make sure to grab my newest journal NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon or Etsy

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Email Me: LorayneMichaels22@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the Bite Size Podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, and today I want to talk to you about adversity. By definition, we all know what adversity means. It is difficulties or misfortunes, a setback. We've all faced it, so we can all relate to this. But specifically today I want to talk about facing adversity like a woman who is expanding.

Speaker 1:

Everyone faces adversity, but how you handle it determines if you stay stuck or if you rise above, if you choose to expand, if you choose to use the adversity as a stepping stone or as a launch pad to who you are created to be. In this episode, it is going to be about navigating it and how people navigate it differently and how some choose not to acknowledge it, some choose to deny it, but some choose to use it as fuel, and not in a negative way, but as something that is going to help you into the next version of yourself. If you know me and you know my story, I have had two failed marriages and going through a divorce is probably one of the biggest adversities someone can face. Because you don't go into marriage, you don't get married with the intention of that relationship ending. Nobody does right when you say I do and you become one with this person, it's till death, do you part, or so you think. Another adversity that I have faced is loss of job, and if I'm going to be completely transparent with you and vulnerable with you, it was my most recent. Typically, jobs come and go. I leave them when I'm expanding. If I am unable to expand within that company, I typically exit that company and I find another job that lights my fire, that I absolutely love doing, where I am able to expand in and grow with Right, and most recently, I found a company that I absolutely fell in love with.

Speaker 1:

It was a functional medicine clinic. It was local, they were faith-based people within the practice, so it was a seemingly beautiful, perfect place for me. Unfortunately, I learned very quickly that they were in the very beginning stages, in the learning stages, of their business and as a high achieving woman, someone who has a lot of knowledge and a lot of experience, I was bursting at the seams and I wanted to help them in any way, shape or form that I could, but I was put into a box and it took a little bit of time. I had to realize that I was hired for a specific purpose and that's where I was needed and I very graciously, tactfully, explained hey, I have a lot more to offer, I would love to help you and I would love to help you expand. And I gave them ideas and you know, I voiced my opinions and I tried to help where I saw that needed to be helped.

Speaker 1:

But unfortunately, they let me go just recently and, although that came as a gigantic shock and it was very, very hurtful, but it was an adversity that I chose to face with grace and understanding, and the reason that I was given was we feel like we are stifling you, we feel like we are holding you back. Whether or not that is true, that is none of my business. When I first received that, I was like that is a cop-out. You are not telling me the truth. Why in the world would you let someone go who has so much eager and gumption and willingness to help and willingness to accept correction and criticism and willingness to be put in any role, shape or form? Why would you let someone go? That's obviously not true. Again, none of my business. But the more I thought about it, the more I embraced it and the more that I am so thankful because, yes, they were stifling me, they were holding me back. I wasn't able to grow and expand and do all the things that I could do with them and they chose to let me go, and that is okay.

Speaker 1:

Same with the ending of a marriage or a relationship. Sometimes we cannot control it, sometimes we, for whatever reason, the person wants to leave or the person was unfaithful, and that marriage has ended and you can sit there and think about all the reasons why and all the things you could have done different and should have done different, or what they could have done different and should have done different. You can look in the rearview mirror and you can dwell on the past, on the things that were already done and you cannot change. But that is not expansive, that is not going to get you into the next level, that is not going to get you into the person that you were supposed to become, who God intended you to become. This is what I know to be true. Every burden, every backslide can be a blessing. What might seemingly feel like a setback can be a setup, can be an opportunity for you to learn, to grow, to move into who God intended you to be. So I want to invite you to stay until the end for very powerful mindset shifts and practical tools that you can use when you face adversity.

Speaker 1:

So I already defined adversity, and it's not just a tragedy, it's not just a trauma, but it's also rejection. It's also burnout, betrayal, failure, health issues All of these things can be defined as adversity, and again I want to remind you that adversity doesn't mean that you're disqualified. It means that you're being refined. So anytime that you face adversity, just remember that you are being refined. There's something for you in this. It's not happening to you, it's happening for you and I promise you there is something in there that God intended to reveal to you that needs to be worked on, reveal to you that something needed to be removed from your life. One of the things that my husband reminded me of when this had happened was to look within, to ask myself, to ask the Holy Spirit, what in me needs to change, because if I was the right fit and if I was the right person for the job, then they would have worked with me right, they would have explained that to me, or maybe they wouldn't have, again, none of my business, but I want to make sure that I am showing up as the person that God wants me to be, and if that means that there is something in me that needs to change, that needs to shed, then Jesus, please reveal that to me. So that has been something that I have been deep in prayer about is what in me God needs to be removed and remove it from me. Reveal it to me so that I can one confess and ask for forgiveness and then ask for the wisdom and discernment to remove it, to learn from it, to heal from it, whatever needs to happen.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about some common, unhealthy ways women handle adversity Overachievement, overachievement to avoid feelings. If I just stay busy, I won't break down. To avoid feelings. If I just stay busy, I won't break down. I see that in so many high achieving women that they just keep going, they keep doing, they keep themselves so busy so that they don't feel the feelings of rejection or feel the feelings of failure. They just keep going. Failure, they just keep going. Another one is emotional numbing. I used to do this so much Numbing with wine, netflix binges, social media scrolling, overworking, overeating, overtraining at the gym All of these are just examples, not examples that I personally have done, although I did partake in some of that. You know I used to abuse alcohol and I was using wine and alcohol just to numb out, numb the feelings because I didn't want to deal with what was really going on. Deal with what was really going on.

Speaker 1:

Another common unhealthy way people deal with adversity is isolation and silence. I know a couple of friends of mine who isolate, they retreat, they think you know I should be able to handle this on my own. I don't want to bore you with my problems. I don't want to bring you down. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and I understand that I do, because there was seasons and times in my life where I would recluse, I would avoid people because I didn't want to be the Debbie Downer and I knew that I was going through something but I didn't know how to handle it and I thought I was handling it on my own and I figured I'll just get through this, I'll get over it. And that's what people do they isolate.

Speaker 1:

But really there's so much power in community, in the right community, when you find people who are going to pray with you, who are going to call you out, who are going to tell you those good things about you and remind you of your strengths and help you focus on the positive and focus on your strength and focus on the power of Jesus and his healing and who he is calling you to be. Which leads me into my next one is identity crisis. If I failed in this, maybe I'm not who I thought I was, and let me tell you, friend, that is the enemy through and through trying to confuse you of your identity, who God made you to be. God created you as a beautiful, strong woman who is able to face adversity, who is able to go through life's challenges hand in hand with your creator, because he equips you, he gives you the knowledge, he gives you a playbook. The Bible is laid out with instruction, with encouragement, with advice, with everything that you absolutely need, and so I just want to remind you of your identity and who you are and whose you are, and you are a child of God and he created you to face adversity with the right tools, and I just I hope that when you face adversity, you remember these things, you remember the things to do and you remember the things that I've mentioned that are the unhealthy ways and that there are the right ways, and it's fine if you've been there. Like I said, I've done the unhealthy ways before and there's no judgment and there's no shame in that. I just want to equip you with the right things to do the way to expand.

Speaker 1:

So let's move into how expanding women handle adversity. Are you ready? You might want to write these down. They get rebooted, they get rooted Excuse me, they get rooted before they react. And something that took practice for me, because before, when I was all in the unhealthy ways of dealing with adversity, I would just immediately react. And it has taken a lot of self-control, a lot of grounding, a lot of getting rooted before I react. And a way to help with that is through prayer and journaling and pausing before responding. You know, I guess we can just use the example of getting fired I didn't immediately react, I paused, I let them speak, I listened to what very little feedback that was given to me about it before I responded. And you don't bypass emotions. That's another thing. When you numb your emotions, you're not feeling them, you're not processing them. And it's okay when you face adversity to feel those negative emotions right the anger, the sadness, the confusion, all of those are okay to feel. But you need to be able to process them and not numb out and not suppress them, but work through them.

Speaker 1:

Another way that women who are expanding handle adversity is they reframe with power. And I said this in the beginning this isn't happening to me, this is happening for me. So, instead of thinking, oh my gosh, happening for me. So instead of thinking, oh my gosh, you know, I just got fired, I can't believe this is happening to me. Why, why is this happening to me? But really reframing it and and being thankful, and I can honestly tell you that there has not been a day since the day that it happened that I'm not thankful. I am so grateful that they let me go. I am so grateful now that I have the time to focus on podcasts, to record podcasts with other guests, to focus on my clients, to open my availability for more coaching clients, for more training clients, my availability for more coaching clients, for more training clients, open availability to go to events. I have now the freedom to take and pick up my son from school, no questions asked. Don't have to worry about it. There's no stress about a nanny. I'm able to ground, I'm able to garden, I'm able to be with my animals, my chickens, who I am so obsessed with, but in a good way, but I have all this time now to focus on what I have in front of me that is needing my attention, my time with the Lord. Like all of these things, it happened for me and I am so grateful for it.

Speaker 1:

Another thing is to look for the purpose in the pain and ask what is this teaching me? That one took some time for me to get used to that. That reframing is what is this teaching me? I even was asking that while I was in that difficult space of feeling boxed in in this job. It was, and you might be feeling this too in your job of being unhappy and unsatisfied with where you're working. But I want you to pause and ask yourself what is this teaching me? What are you supposed to learn? Why are you there? Who are you interacting with? Maybe there's someone that you need to talk to, to share the gospel with, to reach out and befriend. Maybe someone there is needing you is needing that friend, that ear that fill in the blank. But ask yourself what is this teaching me? Use your pain for the purpose, and another way that women who are expanding through adversity is they connect instead of isolating. They invest in coaches, communities, mentors, people who call them higher. So that friend group that I was talking about, that is going to encourage you, that is going to pray with you, pray for you. Who is going to call you up? They invest, they connect instead of isolate. They surrender the outcome. This I work on daily still Faith over control.

Speaker 1:

I am someone who thrives on control, and that's not good, it is not at all. I need to surrender control. Prime example is the chickens. I am so worried that something is going to happen to them and I've got plenty of friends that tell me you know what? They're going to die. They're going to get sick and they're going to die. And when they get sick, usually it's too late and you can't help them and they're going to die. And that terrifies me. For one, obviously, that makes me sad. I don't want my animals to die because I feel like it's my fault, right, but that's that control. I wanna have control over it, but I need to surrender that and I need to do the best that I can do to provide and that's what you need to do. You need to realize that you don't have control and that's okay. You need to trust that God's in control and even when you can't see his plan, god is in control. So, whatever adversity that you're facing, instead of trying to fix it, instead of trying to control it, trust that God is in control and ask for his guidance. Ask for the Holy Spirit to show you the next step and what you are supposed to do, not trying to control the situation and doing what you think is right.

Speaker 1:

Because so many times we think we're doing, we're fixing, we're. You know, we feel like as high achievers, we feel like we have to be doing something and we have to be in control, but in reality we're not, because at any point in time it can change. Not because at any point in time it can change. And so something, a time that I did surrender that control was with the chickens. We came home from this vacation and the basement was flooded, my garden was destroyed, the coop was flooded, and I'm freaking out because I can't control anything. I don't know what to out because I can't control anything. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix all of these things and it's not my job to. So I had to surrender the control and roll with it. You know, we had to get the basement situated. My husband praise. God is very handy and is amazing at what he does and you know, it's just one thing at a time, surrendering the control. So some tools, some tools for turning adversity into expansion.

Speaker 1:

One thing that I absolutely love, and I talk about it all the time, is grounding, getting your bare feet on the ground, in the soil, on the dirt, getting your bare feet and really connecting. You might not feel it, you might not realize it, but it really really does something phenomenal in your body. It helps regulate your nervous system, it helps calm you. Another thing is breath work, and I absolutely love it because I have taught it to my son Box breathing. That absolutely works. It helps calm you down. It's really easy. You just breathe for the same count. You inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, and you repeat that inhale, hold, exhale, inhale, hold, exhale. I choose four. You can choose a different number, but repeat that. Another one that I just learned through Andrew Huberman is I can't remember what it is called, but basically you take a deep breath in fast and then you take a quick one in and then you exhale everything. You completely dump out your lungs. So it's really quick. So you go, so you inhale a big deep breath and then a quick one and then you exhale it all out and it literally immediately drops your heart rate. It helps you calm yourself. I use that often and that is great for calming your nervous system.

Speaker 1:

Another one and I talk about it all the time because it works is journaling. Journaling and getting everything out, all those thoughts out. Sometimes, when there is so much going on in my mind, I just brain dump. It doesn't make sense. I just write every thought that comes into my head and I get it out, and I don't analyze it, I don't make it make sense, I just get everything out and it really helps because I have ADD. So a lot of times my thoughts don't make sense and they're not all streamlined and beautifully scripted and curated. Nope, just dump it out. Journaling helps.

Speaker 1:

If you need a pretty journal, I have journals available on Amazon. All you have to do is search in the Amazon search bar Lorraine, michaels, l-o-r-a-y-n-e, and then Michaels, and my journals will pop up. I also have journals on Etsy and there's different availabilities. Some are bound, some are spiral bound, some are hardcovers, some have prompts, others don't. It's just lined paper. Some of them have scripture, some of them have quotes and some of them have prompts for you.

Speaker 1:

And another thing is scripture meditation. So when I am feeling overwhelmed and full of anxiety, I find a scripture that helps me and helps resonate with me. One that is great for anxiety is Psalms 23. It's short and it's great. Meditating on a scripture to help you, to help you ground, to help you center. Another one if you're dealing with fear and anxiety, I think it's in Timothy. God created me, created a spirit of power, not, oh gosh. Now I'm questioning myself. Let me see Ready Hang with me here. I can't find it. I thought it was on the tip of my tongue and then I always second guess myself. But another one, another good one for fear and anxiety is 1 Peter, 5, 7,. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Absolutely. Love that. Philippians 4, 6, and 7.

Speaker 1:

Do not be anxious about anything, but pray about everything in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to god. So find a small short verse that you can memorize, that you can reflect on and journal about um. You know, I use the bible app and I find um devotionals that I can just quickly pull up and do, or you can even search on the Bible app Bible verses about, and whatever it is that you're dealing with. But prayer and meditation, journaling and breath work those are good tools to help you through what adversity you are going through. And then ask yourself what am I believing right now, what thought am I thinking and that I'm actually believing right now? And is it serving the woman that I am becoming?

Speaker 1:

And I'll bring it back to you know, going through a divorce and the thought that I struggled with for so long was I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, because why would someone who says that they love me and they want to spend the rest of their life with me, why would they cheat on me? Why would they do that? And the conclusion that I came to in that state was that I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable, I'm not good enough. And so if you were to ask yourself, is that serving the woman that I'm becoming? Absolutely not, because you are lovable, you are worthy, and someone's decision, whatever has happened to you that was their decision and their poor decision does not reflect who you are and who God calls you to be. You are worthy, you are worth it. You are loved and you are chosen.

Speaker 1:

So ask yourself, when you have these intrusive thoughts, is it true and is it serving the woman that I am becoming, and use adversity to rewrite your story, not to relive the wound? So, instead of resonating on what has happened, that bad thing that happened, that adversity that you faced, instead of dwelling on it, rewrite your story. Right, I lost my job. Instead of dwelling on what I could have done, why didn't they keep me? Why, why, why, why? Instead of asking all of that, rewrite your story. Yeah, they were holding me back, thank you. Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for realizing that Now I can flourish. Now I can be the person that God created me to be. Now I can reach and help the clients that I wasn't able to before. Now I can be there for my family in ways that I wasn't able to before. Now I'm not capped on my income. Right Now I'm not building someone else's business, but I'm expanding my business.

Speaker 1:

So rewrite your story. Let that adversity work for you. Turn that pain into purpose for you. Turn that pain into purpose. Adversity is not a sign you're failing, trust me. It's proof that you're in the fire, and that's where refinement happens. So you might be feeling like you're failing, but you're not. You're being refined. Let the refiner refine you. Let the sculptor sculpt you. You're not broken. You're becoming. Remember that You're not broken. You're becoming the woman that God created you to be. Friend, if this episode has helped you in any way, shape or form, please share it. Tag me on social media. Let me know what part resonated with you the most. Reach out to me, text me if you have my number or send me an email. And if you're curious about coaching, or if you're curious about the journals, shoot me an email, lorrainemichaels22 at gmailcom, and I would love to connect with you. As always, friend, remember you were divinely created for a divine purpose and there's no mistake in you.