Are You Leading From Purpose Or Pressure?

Your leadership might not be failing because you need a better strategy. It might be failing because your nervous system is setting a culture of pressure, inconsistency, and reactivity. We get honest about what healthy leadership actually looks like, what unhealthy leadership costs, and how to shift from coping in the moment to leading with clarity and purpose.

Coming off a two-day masterclass with the amazing Stephen Scoggins, I share the frameworks that hit me the hardest: misalignment as the real root problem, why you can’t scale dysfunction, and how teams don’t simply “rise to the vision” they often mirror the leader’s emotional state. We talk through the red flags of reactive leadership like hot and cold engagement, poor communication that leaves conversations unresolved, and snap decisions driven by fight, flight, freeze, or people-pleasing. If you’ve ever felt confusion, tension, or anxiety ripple through a team, you’ll recognize what’s happening here.

Then we move into what integrated leadership looks like: regulation first, slowing down before reacting, separating emotion from decisions, and building trust through clear expectations and consistent follow-through. I also give you four practical decision filters you can run before big choices, plus a simple self-audit to help you spot the patterns your team may be repeating.

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Transcript

Welcome And Podcast Focus<br>

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, welcome back. I scared my birds. Oh my goodness, they thought I was gone. I have baby chicks in my office. And so I was just getting set up and I wasn't talking. I was very quiet. And then all of a sudden I started talking and I scared them. So I apologize if you heard all of that fluttering. Anyways, welcome back to the Armor Up podcast. I'm your host, Lorraine Michaels, and on this podcast, as you know, we talk about faith, fitness, family, and mindset. So everything that Armor Up encompasses, everything that Armor Up teaches, communicates about, and really helps you through is all connected with faith, family, leadership, mindset, fitness, functional medicine. So all these things. Essentially, you know, Armor Up is encompassing that. I equip you to armor up. Um, whether that be, you know, suiting up and being biblically armored, um, armoring up through your fitness and making sure that you are suited and booted, right? You're ready to take on, to become the best, healthiest version of yourself, and whether that's through fitness, faith, family, or mindset. So I am excited to talk to you today. I am just coming off of a two-day masterclass that I was uh a part of, and I'm so excited to talk to you about my takeaways. I do this when I go to conferences, I do this when I am involved in such things because if I am heavily impacted by it, I know that you also will be heavily impacted by it. And so I love to share, share about it. So without further ado, today we are talking about healthy versus unhealthy leadership and reactive versus integrated leadership. So a healthy leadership and an unhealthy leadership and what that looks like. And you know, sometimes people get it wrong and people are human and and it can happen. But my hope is that maybe you will get something from this podcast, whether it be you are in leadership and you hear something and you're like, wow, you know, I may have fallen short there, or you know, my team is doing great here. I hope that you can glean something from this because I know I certainly did. I was able to pull back and I was able to look at it from a lighthouse perspective. So think of a lighthouse that is very far back and can see over everything farther in the distance. Um, so I hope, you know, from my own personal experience, what I have seen, healthy and unhealthy, from my own personal experience being in a leadership role coming from, you know, everyone was everyone was not good before they were an expert, right? I didn't want to say sucked, but you you have to be not good at something before you are good at something. So um, yeah, the difference between leading from pressure versus purpose. You know, are you a safe leader or are you a stressful one? Um, and healthy versus unhealthy leadership, what most people get wrong. You know, there's many, many things. And if you're not constantly growing and developing as a leader, you're failing. You're failing yourself and you're failing your team, and you're not gonna have a successful team. Most people, most leaders think that they have a strategy problem, but they actually have a regulation problem. And it has nothing to do with the strategy, it's the regulation of their members, their teammates, it's the regulation of themselves. And somewhere along the line, someone is dysregulated, and that is causing chaos. You can't scale dysfunction. And where there is dysfunction, there is a level of chaos. And you don't lose teams because of a lack of vision, you don't lose teammates or members because of a lack of vision, you lose them because of inconsistency and because of pressure, because of emotional reactivity. And so the question is: are you leading from clarity or are you leading from chaos? And so um, I really want to make sure I set the tone on this. Don't hear what I'm not saying. This is not me pointing fingers. This is about a self-audit and what I have learned from experience, what I have seen, um, what I have experienced as a leader, as a member. Um, so being on both sides, this is coming from lived experience and knowledge and and this wonderful training, this wonderful masterclass that I was a part of with Steven Scoggins. Um, I'm in a coaching program with him. And if you don't know who Steven Scoggins is, go look him up, follow him on all the socials. You can find him by his name. And um, his last name is spelled S-C-O-G-G-I-N-S. He also has an amazing podcast as well. I can link all of that in the show notes, but I'm a part of his coaching community, and so this two-day masterclass was amazing. And so let's just dive right in to the first part of this. The root problem is misalignment. And so what I really want to kind of focus on is I know alignment is kind of a buzzword right now, but if your internal state is off, then your external leadership will underperform. And so when you think of alignment, think of um what you stand for. And so if you are uh in a leadership position, you set the tone, you are you map out your core values, your uh your structure, what you know, the the tone of how you want your business, you know, your culture, your mission, you set all of that. And when you are bringing people on, you have to make sure that your culture, your values, the structure, all of those things are very clearly outlined and what is expected, and making sure that you hire people that are in alignment with that. You set the tone, you set that mission, and you make sure people are in alignment with that. And most leaders try and fix strategy, people, systems instead of fixing their decision patterns. And you don't fix leadership by changing people, you fix leadership by changing the patterns driving the decisions. So, for a leadership perspective on that, you change the patterns of your driving drive, what's driving your decisions. You don't change the person because you can never change people. That's something that comes with time and development and skill, and they have to want to change. You have to want to change. And so when you start fixing behaviors and patterns, then you start to see a change in decision making. If we want to tie this into fitness, your patterns of eating healthy are going to um shape the decisions you make. So your decision, you have a pattern of eating unhealthy and you make decisions, poor decisions on drinking alcohol, eating fast food, right? So those patterns lead to those decisions. And so if you start to decide that you want to live a healthy life, you've gotten blood work done, and you know that you're unhealthy, you want to start to make better decisions, you have to change your patterns by eliminating those things, right? The pattern of drinking alcohol, stop buying alcohol, stop going out. Um, so you have to change those patterns because that's eventually going to change your decisions. So that's something that I learned, you know, um, the misalignment. So making sure that you're in alignment, whether you are a leader, you're in a leadership role, or you are on a team. And this goes for um becoming a part of a team. Don't become a part of a team where you are not in alignment with the culture, the standard, what they are trying to do or change. And sometimes you are a part of a team where the culture maybe has shifted and you either need to get on board or get off the boat. And so that's a decision that you have to make. And if you are in leadership, you have to make that decision to get rid of those people if they are not in alignment with that culture that you are creating. And so, moving on, what unhealthy reactive leadership looks like. And this again is from experience patterns of inconsistency. So, this is this is what unhealthy leadership looks like. And if you are a leader, maybe listen if maybe you're seeing or hearing some traits. And if you are in a team where you're kind of questioning what whether you're on the right team, listen to these traits. Look at these patterns. So inconsistency from leadership, maybe high engagement, and then withdrawn. So if before you are a part of the team, maybe this is like onboarding or um in a hiring phase, if you will. Inconsistency. So you'll see them very much involved and then all of a sudden withdrawing. That inconsistency of the engagement is can be a red flag or the hot, cold leadership, very hands-on to absolutely no hands-on. This creates confusion and insecurity in teams. And the truth is, inconsistent leadership creates an anxious team. So if you're a leader, is your team anxious? Do they trust you? Do you get the same feedback across the board? And if there's inconsistency, I mean, are are people afraid to come to you with the truth of what they're seeing? Are people comfortable to talk to you about hard things? Or is it an anxious energy because your nervous system as a leader, your nervous system decides the culture, decides how your team is going to um reverberate off that. So if you're in alert in a leadership role and you have an inconsistency or insecure teammates, think about what you're reflecting. Think about your nervous system. So that that's one inconsistency. Number two is poor communication. How do you communicate with your team coming from a leadership perspective? Is there an abundance amount of information? Is there an information overload at the start and then just totally backing off? No follow-up, no clarity. There's no close on the feedback loop. Um, something that I got from the workbook on this masterclass. Unresolved conversations equals increased cognitive load. And cognitive load is basically all the information that you are receiving or that you are giving to someone, and cognitively they are they can only take in so much, right? And then if there's um unresolved conversations or things that aren't even talked about, um, it's leaving that open in someone's mind. And so that's that's an open conversation. It's a tab open on your computer. Think about when you're working on your computer and you have all these tabs open. I know for me, as someone that has ADHD, I have to organize it. I have to close the loop on things. I have to, a conversation has to have an endpoint. I can't get an abundance amount of information and then be left to marinate on it and there's no closure on it. I'm when I read that line, I was like, yeah, that's absolutely right. Coming from someone that's on, you know, not a leadership. I mean, if I were to think back to a specific situation or time in my life where I was not in leadership, I was on the other end of it. Yes, I received a lot of information and then no closure on it, and I'm left to digest or make of what I just received, right? And then I've learned that, you know, through hard experiences and through hard situations where if I don't ask clarifying questions, or if I'm not the squeaky wheel, or if I'm not, you know, like, hey, can I get some clarification on what you said here? Because I think I might have taken it wrong. I have learned the hard way by not having that conversation that has left it open and it being open and me not knowing there's room for there's room for to happen or miscommunication. So silence in leadership is not neutrality, it's negligence. And I have been on the other end of that of wondering, I'm not hearing back from someone. Um, you know, that as a new employee that can feel very unsettling, not knowing what's going on. And again, a lesson learned from me is I need to speak up. I need to have those difficult conversations. Um, right or wrong, you just gotta close the loop. Number three is reactive decision making. Um, you know, the classic framework of fight, flight, freeze, or fun. So what this looks like in the from a leadership perspective, fight, that would look like controlling, dominating. Flight would be avoiding hard conversations. Freeze would be overthinking and no action at all. And then fawn would be people pleasing or overpromising or having not necessarily the silent treatment, but going from something uncomfortable to all of a sudden best friends, or not necessarily best friends, I shouldn't say that, but just very overly friendly and people pleasing. And so the hard truth here is if you're reacting, then you're not leading, you're coping. Number four, misaligned culture. This was especially um important to me when I when we were in this section, because culture and alignment are two things that in my business, armor up fitness, is very important to me. And right now I am not at a point where I have employees, I have partners. So I partner with providers, I partner with companies, um, whether it be supplement companies or medical providers, because my clients get, like I always say this, we test, we don't guess. So you get blood work, you're working with myself and a provider because I don't interpret labs, although I can, but that's out of my scope of practice. So I know what to do with it. And then I have a provider on my team that we come up with a game plan. And so when I'm working with brands, when I'm working with partners, companies, I want to make sure that we are in alignment with our values. We're in alignment. And then when I bring in employees, eventually I'll have other coaches, I'll have, you know, other people on my team. There's gonna be a culture, there's gonna be a standard, you know, um, honesty, integrity, people of faith, because that is very important to me because part of my brand, part of my culture is one, spreading the love of Jesus and the gospel and the truth. And also, you know, that goes in alignment with integrity and honesty and making sure that I'm I'm creating a culture and an environment where everyone feels loved, welcome, heard, and understood. And I know that people mass up and I know that people are human. And if I set a standard and I set an expectation, I'm not gonna hold one person to it and not another. You know, if I say that in a difficult conversation or a difficult situation, you know, we're gonna have a conversation and uh we're gonna unpack this, then it's gonna be a conversation where everybody that is involved is going to be present so that a conversation can be had and not just a um, you know, tell me your side of it or you have the floor type of thing. That's that's a very one-sided conversation. That's that's that is not a conversation, it's just someone saying their side. And so there needs to be an aspect of understanding and um, like I said, developing that culture of understanding, and everyone is valued, everyone is heard, everyone is respected, and um I want to make sure that my team feels heard and understood. And if there is any confusion, then there's oh man, it's it's so difficult. This class was so eye-opening just because I'm I hate to I'm I'm like on a rabbit trail here because culture is so important to me because I've been a part of an organization where they say they're so strong about a certain culture or um creating this culture, but yet they don't hold everyone to that same standard. And so what I'm trying to say is that is a non-negotiable. I would never fire someone for something when they are not doing it, but in fact, someone else is doing it. And so going back to that difficult conversation and making sure people are heard, value, understood, like having an open conversation with everyone involved, and it is a back and forth, and you're asking questions so that everyone is understood and that everyone understands what the standard is. I'm gonna move on from that. All right, so let's talk about the real cost of unhealthy leadership. This is where most people underestimate the impact. And so, coming right out of the workbook, I will tell you this this has been awesome. So, on the leader, I'm talking about the leader, what the cost of an unhealthy leadership looks like. For the leader, it looks like burnout, decision fatigue, constant second-guessing. From the team, it looks like anxiety, no psychological safety, a lack of initiative. And then from a business perspective, it looks like instability, confusion, stalled growth, or an unstable team. And so your team doesn't rise to your vision, they mirror your nervous system. I mentioned that earlier about your nervous system, it decides before your intellect explains. And so that hit me too, because you know, I've thought about, you know, being in situations where a leader reacted and it probably wasn't the best decision because it was their nervous system that was dictating what was happening and not their intellect. If they had given it some time or thought or maybe gotten all the information, they probably wouldn't have reacted in the way that they did. And so, what a healthy, integrated leadership looks like, and I absolutely love this emotional regulation first. So you slow down before you react. And that doesn't mean silence, that doesn't mean you aren't communicating with your team or your management or leadership. It doesn't mean that you completely separate, it just means you slow down, you separate emotions. From decision. I know, in especially when it comes to culture, and if you're really trying to um rebuild your organization or you're really trying to um fix a problem that maybe was there or somehow cultivated, and you're really trying to revive that emotion can creep in because you're so passionate about your business. Nobody loves your business as much as you do. And so emotion can creep in, and you really have to be careful with that. I've been there, I've reacted emotionally, and I've seen it. I have been on the other side of someone reacting emotionally. And so most leadership mistakes are regulation failures, not strategy failures. And so another thing that is a healthy way that a leader responds and integrates with their team is clarity and consistency, clear communication, repeated expectation, and follow through. If you have a system or a process and there's not a closure on maybe the feedback loop, then that is going to create confusion. And if there's no follow-through on certain things, that also is going to create confusion. And that's a lack of consistency. So as a leader, are you clear? Are you consistent? Is your communication not overbearing and or just an over abundance of information? Like, is it clear, concise, and to the point? And does your team understand you? Does your team understand the vision, the goals? Um, you want to go micro slow and macro fast. So slow down in the moment, then execute quickly and clearly. That's that's really something that Steven had said before at a conference that I was at. Hire slow, fire fast. But that also kind of contradicts the whole um not reacting emotionally. I would definitely take that into consideration. So take that with a grain of salt, hire slow, fire fast. Just because what he meant in that is don't drag something out that you know is um not working. So, for instance, if someone has been with you or your company for a long time and that is why you are keeping them, that is a situation where you need to fire fast. Just because they've been there for a while, that doesn't mean you owe them anything. If they're not on board with the culture, they're not in alignment with, you know, your values, your standards. And if they are the reason why there is an issue, you need to fire them. They are not in alignment and they are causing more chaos in your team, and it's gonna hurt you in the long run. Number four, stewardship over control. Knowing what is yours and what is not yours to carry. Um, and don't micromanage everything. If you're in leadership, knowing what to delegate, oh, what was the other thing he said? I love this. I wrote it down. Knowing as a leader what to automate, delegate, eliminate, and consolidate. That is key. Um, because as a leader, and especially as a CEO, you at some point you do everything. And at some point, you need to not do everything. So it's hard sometimes for leaders to transition out of that role and let go of things. So knowing who they can delegate things to or even eliminate teachability and humility. Ha ha. I learned this the hard way, and very early on, um, there was a time where I was not teachable because there was arrogance and there was pride in the way, and I had to learn, I had to humble myself. I had to get humbled by unfortunate circumstances years and years ago. It was probably before, I know, in fact, it was before I was in personal development. When I got into personal development, that's when I learned a lot. Um, and I actively now am I go into situations humbly. I have no ego. I can definitively say that I know what I am good at, and I can also learn more. I know I am an amazing personal trainer. I know that I am I have a hard work ethic, and I know I hold myself to a high standard, and I also know I can get better. I know that I can learn more. So I say that with confidence and humility, and I am very teachable. I'm not gonna go into something thinking, oh, I already know this. I'm I'm gonna go into it with humility and a teachable spirit because I know I can learn from anyone and everyone. There is something you should think of this, whether you are a leader or you are not a leader, you should always have this mindset of what can I learn? What can I learn from this person? Because if they are above you, and I don't want to say below you, but if they are above you as in leadership, if they are your peers, or if you are in leadership and you uh you have people that answer to you, there is something you can learn from everyone. It doesn't matter. All right, so the four filters every leader should use. This is practical and it's actionable. And so everyone should be taking notes on this part. Before decisions, these are four things the four filters you should use before decisions. Does this align with who I am becoming? Everyone can use this. Does this align with who I'm becoming? Number two, is this mine to carry? Number three, does this strengthen what I'm building? Number four, is this urgency or fear? That's a good one. Most bad decisions aren't wrong, they're just made from the wrong state. All right, so this self-audit audit section. This is this is um where you are gonna take these questions and apply it to yourself. All right, I'm gonna challenge you, whoever you are listening, where am I reacting instead of leading? What dysfunction am I allowing that my team is now repeating? Am I creating clarity or confusion? So write those down, rewind, save this episode, and listen to it again and take notes because there was a lot of good things in this. And I take no credit, some credit, because I reframed it, but I take no credit. This was such a great masterclass, and at a perfect time, Steven is just an amazing teacher, an amazing coach, and I'm so grateful for him because again, a teachable, you know, student here, always wanting to learn and to be a better leader. So, some some closing thoughts. Leadership isn't about control, it's about alignment. And you need to ask yourself, are you in alignment? Are you in alignment at the company you are at? Are you in alignment um in how you are leading if you are leading? And is your team in alignment? Do they understand what you stand for? And if you don't lead yourself, your emotions will lead your team. So think about that. If you were a leader, how are you leading? How is your team responding? Take an audit of your team. And I mean, are they demonstrating the culture, the standard? Are your members just showing up because it's a paycheck? Or are they bought in? Um, do they understand the culture and the values? And who do you have, you know, leading your team? If you are a CEO or somewhere that's higher above and you have a leader in there, you know, essentially leading your team, is that who you really want leading your team? Look at your culture. Is it reflective of what you want? If not, it's a leadership issue and you need to address your leader. So you're always leading something. The question is, are you building from trust or are you building from tension? All right, friends, here's what I challenge you right now. This content is so powerful because I have lived it. I have lived it, I have been there, I've been on both sides of it. Um, and it's up to you to make the changes. I personally, when I have a hard situation or a hard season or whatever, you know, has happened, I don't let it knock me down and keep me down. I, you know, take notes. I ask myself, what can I learn from it? What were three good things that came of it? And what is something or three things that I can apply right now so that this doesn't happen again. You know, when something happens, you look at what was good and what would I change? What did I like? What did I not like? How would I do it differently? What did I learn from it? So, whether you're a leader, whether you lead leaders, whether you are being led, this podcast is for everyone. So if this um at all helped you, please let me know. Save it, share it, tag me on social media. It's at armor up fitness or me, my name at Lorraine Michaels, whichever, I will get it. Um, and if you have any questions, please message me, Lorraine at armoruplc.net. All of that will be in the show notes. So if you have any questions, you can reach me there. And I would love to get your feedback, hear how you enjoyed this episode, what stuck out to you the most. And if I can be of service to you, let me know. I would be honored. So uh you were divinely created for a divine purpose, and thanks for spending some time with me. Peace.