Krystel Clear
In this podcast you will experience my unique approach to healing, happiness and following my souls purpose. My intention is to provide a platform that aims to guide and support individuals on their journey towards personal growth, inner healing, spiritual enlightenment or just taking the right steps to reach your highest potential!
My goal is to create a thought provoking, safe and nurturing space for listeners to explore various topics. Healing, self-discovery, mindfulness, wellness, empowerment, accountability, the raw truths of life, love and overcoming everyday obstacles.
I will have my tribe of healing coaches, doctors, colleagues and peers joining me to discuss their journeys in hopes of bringing enlightenment and empowerment to your world.
Life can be messy so let’s talk about that and the worthiness, forgiveness and compassion it takes to face our darkness and shine our light!
I hope this podcast validates your feelings, gives you the permission needed to share your voice, speak your truth and navigate your own journey with strength and perseverance.
**This podcast does not supplement any mental health or medical advice from practitioners. It’s a guiding tool providing resources from my own personal life experiences. The intention is to shed light and love onto the lives of others. You are not alone**
Krystel Clear
Self-Reflections, Opportunities for Growth & Grounding- Kicking Off Season 2!
Can a family trip to Switzerland teach you more about life than your last self-help book? Absolutely! On this episode of Krystel Clear, we're diving into our Switzerland adventure, where from indulging in local treats to the exhilarating heights of paragliding over the Swiss Alps. I've uncovered profound lessons in balance, grounding, and perspective. Reintroducing coffee into my life was a revelation on how small choices impact mental states, especially when juggling the demands of work, parenting, and personal time. This episode emphasizes finding serenity in nature and grounding oneself amidst the chaos of daily life.
Family dynamics get complex with multiple children at various stages of life, and our trip was no exception. Join me as I recount the rollercoaster of emotions, from managing expectations to asking for help when needed, and the irreplaceable bonding moments with my daughter. The importance of staying connected through personal practices like meditation, despite our hectic schedules, is a key takeaway. Acceptance and flexibility emerged as central themes, as we navigated the unpredictable nature of travel and the unique needs of each family member.
This episode also touches on the challenges of parenting through transitions, relating my own high school experiences to those of my children, fostering their independence and resilience. Finally, we round off with self-love and empowerment, encouraging you to embrace authenticity and personal growth. This heartfelt conversation is all about living intentionally and building a supportive community together. Join us for an inspiring journey filled with reflections, insights, and actionable takeaways.
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
What's up everyone, welcome to season two of Crystal Clear. I took a little six-week hiatus to practice what I preach, take my own advice, spend some intentional time with my family, pull some things off my plate and really take. I took the opportunity to kind of recalibrate a little bit, although I feel like this week is a little insanity, with kids going back to school and work, picking up and you know, I'm just again surrendering to the flow of life, right Like I feel like it's always going to be that, hopefully. Luckily, I have the awareness to bring myself back there. It was a really interesting six weeks. I will say I feel like I learned some lifetime of lessons within that time, but it was a really great opportunity for me to practice some serious self-reflection and awareness, realized that this whole podcasting experience is a huge part of my journey now. It really allows me to get in, share my heart, express myself and really process life as it happens, so it doesn't build up. So I've found myself periodically throughout the past few weeks.
Speaker 1:Mind you, we took our kids out of the country for a week and that was a really beautiful experience. I'll get into a little bit more of that. We've had a lot going on. It wasn't like I was just sitting around floating in the pool for six weeks. We still had a lot of life happening. However, I gave myself the opportunity to just dive into it but found that A I started drinking a little coffee again, like having some more caffeine.
Speaker 1:Do not feel like that serves me well. It kind of started when we were in Switzerland. We took a beautiful trip to Switzerland and I'm like I'm going to allow myself to eat all the delicious chocolate and have the lattes and eat the bread at dinner, whatever it is. I'm going to just allow myself the peace and grace to enjoy my trip, enjoy myself, and I did. It was a beautiful experience, really had some great experiences, but I drank some lattes during the trip, which I felt great at the time and I think, for me being busy and not having to do the day-to-day activities.
Speaker 1:But then I realized once I got home, I'll drink coffee a couple of days a week or I'll stop and get a nice latte or an espresso. It makes me edgy and I realized this obviously through the PTSD journey and, like I described in season one, that anything in my system is going to prevent me from being my best self. Right Like, let's just be totally honest and aware of that. So I knew going into it that I was kind of taking a risk. But I'm like you know, I feel like I'm in a place to add some stuff in here and there and I just realized it doesn't serve me super well. Do I enjoy it every now and then? Yes. So I just kind of went back to my decaf coffee in the morning, not saying I'll never have a latte again. If it's worth it, I'll get it, it'll be great.
Speaker 1:However, when I'm in the day to day and I'm working with my kids and I'm driving around and I'm doing the like, hustling back and forth and going from meeting to meeting or, in my world, different scopes of life, right Like, we have our personal life where I do all the mom things and get the kids to you know, we have four kids in three different schools and hustling mostly two of them back and forth. Then I have a full-time community outreach job and then I have my crystal clear position and then where's my time for mindfulness? So, really making sure that I prioritize all of that time together and knowing that if I'm in a day where there's a lot of back-to-back things, I need to be supplementing myself with brain breaks, nature walks, really finding ways to ground and center myself, instead of having like a midday iced coffee Because I found myself getting edgier, being a little bit more snarky, like when it's wind down time in the evening and my little guy wants my attention but I'm trying to do a work email because something just popped up in my mind because my brain's not able to rest and I also went through a little phase of being like, okay, you're being a hypocrite, but I know better than that. So I really reeled it in quickly. On that one, I'd be like, listen, I'm human and if I feel like I'm contradicting things that I'm putting out there for other people, that's still part of the journey. Still part of the journey. It's getting to the places that I'm owning, it I'm owning. I'll look at my husband and be like I'm sorry, I sounded like a bitch when I said that and I didn't mean to sound bitchy, but I obviously have too much going on right now.
Speaker 1:I have a four-year-old jumping on me, pulling my face towards him, trying to get my attention, trying to send an email. I know better than that, right, I really do. I'm not shoulda, woulda, coulda-ing myself, but I do. I know that when I'm in the presence of my four-year-old son, he needs my undivided attention. It needs to be about him Also in that phase of life where we want him to understand some boundaries, like, hey, mommy needs two minutes and he doesn't really know what that means yet. So maybe it's that I take the time to set a timer with him or even just pause and get down on his eye level and say, listen, let's do this one thing. Then mommy needs a couple minutes because it's not fair to him. He doesn't understand it.
Speaker 1:And, to be honest, this is the season the fall season is very busy for my husband and I and getting back into routine, as beautiful as it is, there's not those opportunities as much for slow mornings or slow evenings. Even so, I really am looking very forward to getting back to regularly podcasting and owning it for you guys, because what I realize is doing this and talking about all of this and really sharing my journey with you is holding myself accountable and empowering myself in so many different ways Because of the feedback I get from you, because of just knowing that I have a safe place to share all of this and everyone can relate to it in some way, shape or form. And if you can't, that's totally fine, but I feel like most of us can. So that was really one of the big Aha. This is my, and it was kind of the purpose for taking the pause right. I wanted to give myself the opportunity to reevaluate, like, what do I want to bring into this new season, into this new chapter? Because that's essentially what we're getting into right.
Speaker 1:We my daughter started high school, we have three kids in high school, we have one son in preschool. They all have a lot going on. I'm involved heavily in the community with philanthropy and community outreach. But understanding when to dive all in, what things I can delegate and what to prioritize, because ideally we want to prioritize all of it, or I know I do and I can still do that, but it might look differently than it did last season, or it might look differently than it does next season.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's a couple things at work like spreadsheets. I'm not a spreadsheet person. It's not my strong suit. I've never been a person to just sit and work at a desk all day. I'm not super Excel savvy. It's just not anything that's ever appealed to me so I can ask for help. I can reach out to my coworkers, who are super Excel savvy and love their graphs and all the things, and be like, hey, I really want to create this tracking sheet and, boom, she does it in like 20 minutes. It's something that would have probably taken me three days to do, right, simple, but I am able to be honest with myself and know where I need help and things that I want to take on, whereas that would have taken up three days of energy, potentially that I could be spending doing something else that I know is going to encourage me to thrive and just help me be a better version of myself During our trip. So I'll bounce back a little bit before we get into the back to school, back to life, and we'll start with summer.
Speaker 1:So what's been up for the past six weeks? We took our family to Switzerland. As I mentioned, it was a really beautiful trip. It was my first time ever going to Europe, first time we've ever taken all four of our kids. It was an adventure, it was really beautiful. We flew into Zurich and then we went to Interlaken for five nights, so we had about a week or so there, a little bit more than that with the travel days and it was a really great opportunity for me to implement all of the things that I always talk about like surrendering to the flow, not having expectations, really being able to take a step back and realize when I'm going through some time of resistance and not accepting things fully for what they are. We had about four different climates when we were there. One day was beautiful and sunny, the next day was raining, cold, it was foggy, but overall it was a beautiful trip.
Speaker 1:So I think, going into it, I really had stepped myself up to not have expectations, right. Who knows, you could get over there, you could get sick, you could have lost luggage. So I really tried to every day and I took some motivational cards with me. I continued to do my meditation practices daily. I tried to wake up early and kind of get my time for myself in early because I knew that I would need that, because it would be busy or just potentially the unknowns for the day. So knowing there are six hours ahead of us, so this is a six-hour time difference and I allowed us to have the slow mornings. I didn't schedule anything before like one o'clock during the day. I left things pretty open and just left it open for the kids to put in their two cents.
Speaker 1:Once we got there. They really didn't have a lot that they requested doing, but there were a lot of things that I wanted to do, and one of the things so much was the top of Europe and it was like a full six hour day trip and we ended up not making that. But that's okay. It's something, yes, I wanted to experience, but it's also something that, hey, if I ever make it back, it's something I have to look forward to, right. And why sulk and create turbulence within myself thinking about the things we didn't get to do and just focus on the fact that we were all able to relax enough to where we weren't over the top, like if people needed to nap, we got to nap. We still got to make chocolate. We still got to swim amongst these beautiful mountains and ride a jet boat and have all of these beautiful experiences.
Speaker 1:I will say one of the things they probably had to work the most on accepting is our teenagers are not quite as active as my husband and I. So when I go somewhere, when I travel, I love to explore, right. I also like to relax, but I like to get my exploring out too. I'm excited, my adrenaline's pumping. I love to take in the nature, be outside, do like hiking, adventurous things, and I can't say that our teenagers are as adventurous as my husband and I at least not at this stage of life, which is totally fine and I had to really come to terms and accept that their experience in Switzerland was their experience and it didn't necessarily have to be mine.
Speaker 1:For example, our last day there, our two oldest sons kind of reclused and hung out and slept and played on the Wi-Fi and did their thing, and so I was out and about with I went to breakfast with Juan and then he went back in and went to sleep. And then my daughter knew that we had got these passes to Grindelwald, which is this beautiful spot Like you take a train, then you take a gondola and you go up and like the first cliff walk where you're walking around literally off the side of a mountain I mean gorgeous views. She knew I really wanted to do that and we had some mountain cart tickets and things like that. So I was really looking forward to going and I think she probably felt bad. But she was like, mom, I'll go with you. So the little guy actually wanted to stay. We had a really cool kids camp at the resort we were staying at and he wanted to play there and wanted to swim and wanted to hang out. My husband rested and got caught up on some stuff he needed to do. So just my daughter and I went for this excursion adventure and it was really awesome.
Speaker 1:And, honestly, she and I usually try to take at least once a week, try to take some time just the two of us. And, honestly, she and I usually try to take at least once a week, try to take some time just the two of us. And we hadn't had a lot of that time that week anyway, so it was really nice for us to be able to just break away, have some intentional time for the two of us. When you're dealing with two energy bodies, it's a different situation than it is with all six. So it was kind of nice to have a little bit more of a low-key vibe and everyone kind of just did their own thing that day.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of different ways. I probably would have handled that in the past. I probably would have freaked out on the older boys, like why are you just in your room on Wi-Fi. Let's go, let's go, let's do this. And I just was like you know what, if they want to rest, let them rest, because if I drag them along, the energy is going to change, it's going to shift, and I just allow them to have create their own experience. It doesn't have to be my experience and I think that that's something I mean. Mind you, they're 17 and 15 years old. If your kids are like five and six, you can't necessarily do that.
Speaker 1:Like I said, the four yearyear-old wanted to stay and he had the ability to do that and dad was there on campus and everything which was fine at the resort. So I didn't worry about them and I was able to go and relax and have a great time with her and when I got back, I was journaling about it and processing through it and I feel like there's like even a year and a half ago I probably would have had a much different perspective on all of that, but I was able to just accept hey, that's their experience. Maybe one day, when they're 35, they'll look back and be like wow, really spent a lot of time on the Wi-Fi when we were in Switzerland. I probably could have gotten out more, or they could be completely content with the amount of time that they were outdoors and did their thing, because that's their preferences, that's their experience. So I was really grateful, appreciative, that I was able to communicate with my husband, like, hey, we want to go, and he was cool with it. He's like, okay, you guys go. And we were able to meet each other in the middle because he knew that it was important to me to adventure and he kind of knows I need to get a certain amount of energy out of my body every day. So, and I think he appreciated the quiet time and he got to actually go to dinner with the boys all three boys and it was really great bonding time for them. So it always.
Speaker 1:I think this really goes back to like surrendering and accepting and trusting that things are working out for you right. Life's happening for you, they're happening. It's happening because is it teaching me a lesson? Is it allowing me an opportunity to grow Like, what is it opening space for? And I feel like that particular day and that situation it was just allowing my daughter and I to have that one-on-one time together. It was allowing the guys to have a chill, relaxing day before a long travel day the next day and I think we just we really all needed that and I'm grateful for all the experiences, but that was one of the big things I take away from it Actually that morning. So it was July 13th, actually it was the morning before the last day, which is my father's birthday and I've shared on previous podcasts. My father died when I was two and a half years old in a car accident and had a very interesting childhood. So if you have not chimed in to season one and understand my background of complex PTSD and kind of what I went through as a child, I definitely encourage you to tune into that. I'm not going to get into it in this episode because I feel like this stage of the podcast.
Speaker 1:My intention for season two is really all about, like, accountability and empowerment and motivation and yes, I want to still talk about and have guests on that are going through their healing journeys and sharing their stories and overcoming and their situations and struggles and whatever that may be. But it's really about the action part of it, like how are we continuing these values that we've kind of set for ourselves? So that day on my father's birthday, I always try to do something fun on his birthday to celebrate him. He was a very adventurous, kind of free spirited guy and he died when he was 22 years old, so he was really young. So I try to just live freely, like that. It's always inspired me to A realize that life is short and we're not guaranteed tomorrow. So if there's something you really want to do or something you really want to accomplish, do it, go for it. Like, what do you have to lose? So it's really allowed me to live life pretty fearlessly, to be honest, and it's it's been a blessing, I will say, and I think that you know he passed away when I was very young to protect me and guide me and love me from a different dimension, from a different light, in a different way, and I've always felt, felt that in my core and it's given me a different level of spirituality and hope and faith and just connection, I think, with spirit. So grateful for that. So, anyway, I woke up that day and decided to go paragliding. So essentially paragliding.
Speaker 1:If you're not familiar, the resort we stayed at, victoria, jungfrau and the Jungfrau district of Interlaken, beautiful resort. Paragliding is a thing. It's a kind of a touristy city. It has a lot of it's. It's kind of like a central hub of Switzerland, which is really great. So there's a lot of different trains and public transportation that travels to different areas around Switzerland.
Speaker 1:So all week we were watching these paragliders landing in this beautiful park across from our hotel and all week I'm like that looks so much fun, but where are they coming from? We're looking around and I'm like where are all these paragliders coming from? It looked like they were just popping out of the mountain and, sure enough, you sign up, they drive you to the top of a mountain. You run essentially with a guide on your back, you have a harness on and it's like a paragliding is like essentially just like a big kite almost, but it's like in the shape of a long caterpillar and you just run off the side of the mountain and start floating. And I signed up. We went up and it was super foggy so there was no visibility whatsoever. So I was like, should I be nervous? But I really wasn't, to be honest.
Speaker 1:I went and sat in the park after breakfast that morning and I was by myself and I remember sitting on the park bench and looking around at paragliders landing and since I was a little girl I've always just talked to my dad. I talked to him out loud when I feel like I need to talk to him, just like you would your dad that was still here sitting across from you and I told him happy birthday and that I loved him and that I was excited to try new adventures. I felt like it was a once in a lifetime experience to experience Switzerland from the sky. I've always loved birds and thought they were very majestic and beautiful, and I feel like if I come back in a different life, I would love to be a bird one day. So this is my opportunity to fly right in a very different way. So this is my opportunity to fly right in a very different way, and the sky has always felt so soothing to me. I don't know if it's the colors or the beauty of the clouds and how they're soft, and so I had really had no idea how peaceful and amazing it would be going into it.
Speaker 1:But as I was sitting in the park that day and talking, I asked for extra guidance and protection and these two little birds came over and they were just kind of hanging out by my feet and they stayed there for like 10 minutes and I like to believe that my guides, my angels, show up in different forms, and every time I go for a walk I find feathers. So I always feel like that's kind of nature's way of telling me something's always with me, something's always protecting me, guiding me, giving me signs, whatever it may be, but that I'm on the right path. Right and um, it was just one of those really beautiful kind of spiritually connected moments. I felt very connected, spiritually connected moments. I felt very connected.
Speaker 1:So after my park experience, I went in, gave my husband a kiss goodbye, jumped on the bus and went to the top of the mountain so we had to wait for a little while for visibility and put my pack on. My guide was really nice. His name was like Zito, I believe. He was from the Italian speaking district of or like area, like close to Italy, like Como and Switzerland. Um yeah, you essentially just get a running headstart and you start to float, and not one time did I feel my nervous system react in a way Like I was just very calm and chill and excited, like I wasn't scared, I didn't think of anything that could have gone wrong. I was just really excited for the opportunity and that was really something for me.
Speaker 1:I feel like when I was in the midst of my PTSD and some of the patterns in my brain would always be like what's going to go wrong? Or thinking back, or thinking forward, or I could have even been you even been upset that no one wanted to do it with me, but instead I chose peace and gratitude that I got that experience and I was able to experience Switzerland from the sky. And I'll tell you once you're there and you're floating and you're in the seated position which is really comfortable I don't think I would like to necessarily lay on my stomach and it was a lot less like crazy and chaotic. I think it was like skydiving would be where you have to like jump out of the plane and think about all this stuff, like what if the parachute doesn't come out? Like it wasn't anything like that, it was just very peaceful.
Speaker 1:You just literally start to float, literally start to float, and one of the biggest takeaways from that was everything was so beautiful but also looked so small, like you're amongst beautiful giant trees, right, like giant trees growing out of solid rock, and it makes you realize like there is stuff out there that we really can't explain. No, trust me, I'm sure some environmental scientists can explain why the tree grows out of the rock, but it's not your typical fertile ground for growing things right. But it just really put in perspective that, like, beautiful, strong, stable things can grow out of rough, hard terrain. And when you take a step back from it, when you remove yourself from the ground right, when you remove yourself from ground zero from the moment, when you look at things from a perspective that isn't so in the moment of what you're going through, it could be a really beautiful opportunity to realize it's not that big of a deal and it's not so big anymore. And just seeing all the little houses and even the giant resort we were staying at, it looks so small from far away.
Speaker 1:And I think if we can really apply that to life and I know that I've tried to do that since we've returned is if I find myself in the moment feeling like something's a big deal, feeling like it's a necessity. I have to do it right now. I mentally take myself to the big picture, like how big is this in the big picture, right? How much does this really matter in the scheme of things? And it's been a really great opportunity for me to observe how I was making some little things bigger than they needed to be, and I go back to that view quite often of the beautiful. I mean the lakes there it was like Lake Thune and it's like glacier water. It's like this beautiful teal, and the mountains are everywhere and it's just a constant reminder of the big picture is very beautiful and we are all very blessed to be here right now. We're experiencing things in our solar system, in our political system. There's so many anomalies and craziness going on out there where it seems like chaos when you're in the middle of it, but if you take a step back and you realize there's really none of it, that's in our control, first of all, and we have the choice as to what we prioritize to make a big deal in our lives, and that's been pretty impactful for me this week.
Speaker 1:For example and I'll just jump into my kind of second intention here of this podcast is to talk about resetting. We're back to life. We're in a new chapter. My daughter went to high school and I felt myself low-key, resisting that time has gone by that fast. How can she be 14 and going into high school? Why is it going by so fast? Why is my little guy. Why doesn't he have baby fat anymore? Why does he have abs? Why is it to the point where my babies aren't babies anymore? And it's because life happens and it goes by, and I'm just grateful that I have taken a step back to enjoy those moments, because it's a constant reminder of what's important to me.
Speaker 1:It's been a great opportunity for me to reset and reevaluate how I want to spend my time and my energy and what I want to spend that on. I can continue to have a serving heart and help in the community, but also be a full-time mom, and I want to be a full-time mom. And it doesn't mean that that means I have to be a stay-at-home mom. You can still very much be a full-time mom and have a full-time job. So for those of you or dad, for that matter, or aunt or uncle or caregiver, like whatever it is if you're taking care of children, if you're taking care of your parents, if you're taking care of your siblings, whatever that means to you, you can choose to have the mindset of being all in. But it really takes being all in when you're in those moments, and there's been a couple opportunities that my husband and I have been able to observe together.
Speaker 1:And one, for example, the other night I was I mentioned this a little bit earlier we were all watching a show and I was doing something on my phone, trying to send an email, and my little guy was trying to get my attention. I told him one second and then I was like, ok, give me two minutes. And then he kept pulling my face like my attention, and then I was like please just stop touching me, and the room got a little quiet and part of me was like gosh, he needs to learn boundaries. You know, like he needs to understand when I say give me a couple minutes, give me a couple minutes. Could I have handled that differently? Absolutely. Did I feel bad? Yes, did I yell no, but did I talk to him in a different tone than I normally do? Yes, did I feel his spirit get sad and kind of shut down when I did that? Yes, did it break my heart? Yes, it was terrible, but it was one of those life teaching moments.
Speaker 1:So, instead of mom guilting myself, and instead of being upset and telling him he needed to learn boundaries blah, blah, blah I owned it. I owned, like you know what, if you need to do. Whatever you're doing on your phone, do it elsewhere, and you have the opportunity to take a pause from what you're doing and look at him in the face and give him the courtesy he needs to express himself, or even pause what you're doing and put him first, because I think sometimes we get busy. I know I get busy with a thought. I just want to get my thought out before I forget it, because your brain can only be so many places at once, right, and I feel like that situation needed to happen to allow me this reset. I need to go into the new chapter Because it's busy. I'm not going to lie. We have to leave the house by like 6.30 in the morning to get one off to school, and then I come back and then I take the other one to school.
Speaker 1:I have fully recruited my village. I'm very fortunate enough to have help, but not all people have that help. So I also realize that every day is a gift and resources are a gift, and there's not a day that goes by that I'm not thinking and appreciating. I just say it out loud sometimes, whether it's God, spirit, whoever it is that you want to think and express your appreciation for or with. I find that having that gratitude on a daily basis is what really keeps me going. I find that having that gratitude on a daily basis is what really keeps me going and it keeps me connected to the authenticity of my purpose, because a life that's too busy and too scattered for me is not purposeful.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be the girl that's everywhere I want to, or girl that's everywhere I want to, or woman that's everywhere I want to know that when I show up somewhere, I'm there, and when I'm with my family, I'm with my family. And when I'm at work, I'm at work and I've found myself recently, you know, checking emails between traffic stops and when I'm at the gym, looking at my work email. And I know better than this. I've talked about it several times, but I found myself getting trapped in those old default behaviors. So I'm excited to get back to podcasting because it's going to allow me to set some boundaries for myself and really not I'm going to say force, because that's a forceful word really encourage myself to be in my moments when I'm there, because I know when I do that I show up my best self. I know when I write that email, when I have peace and quiet, that I'm going to be intentional, I'm not going to make errors, I'm not going to send it with half a thought. I know that when I stop to play a game with my son or my daughter, have a conversation with her about her day, that I don't want distractions around me, I leave my phone in my bedroom, I would turn the TV off. The less outside stimulation the better, and I feel like my whole family really thrives on not having things overstimulated.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to lie my little guy. He went from a class of six kids to a class of 19 kids in preschool and I dropped him off this morning, like right at nine o'clock when school time started, and it was overwhelming. It was overwhelming for him, it was overwhelming for me. He had to like jump right in. I felt like I got in the car and I had this mom guilt whoosh over me, like I just dropped him off in a hornet's nest energetically. And yesterday was very different. It was the first day of school, same school, different class. He got there a little earlier so he was able to wean himself in a little differently. So it was great.
Speaker 1:It was a great opportunity for me to observe hey, what works for us is getting here a little bit earlier. It's maybe I don't let him sleep in quite as much in the morning, and maybe we don't play a game right before we leave the house, or we get up a little earlier or whatever that takes to get them to school earlier, so we can nurture that part of the day Because, bless you preschool teachers, you have a special beautiful soul and purpose. I can't say that I could do that work. I appreciate you, the fact that you can do it, because I just I don't think I was built for that. So just an observation though so instead of going through the mom guilt or emailing and wanting to switch his class, I'm just like you know how can we nurture this situation in a way that's going to allow us all to thrive? Honestly, leaving a little earlier helps me to get to work a little earlier too. So it works out. You beat traffic a little bit earlier.
Speaker 1:So, getting into this new routine, I'm really going to allow myself some space and grace. I'm going to allow my family some space and grace. I mean, we're all doing the best we can, and that's actually something that the Four Agreements book is, a book that I read a while ago. That's very good. But they talk about being your best version of yourself and doing your best and how your best can change from moment to moment or from day to day, and understanding that not only about myself but about all other people.
Speaker 1:If someone flicks me off or honks at me in traffic because I, like, just turned green, maybe this person was running late, maybe they have somewhere else they need to be and get around me or whatever, I don't have to personalize it, I don't have to feed into it. I can accept that that person is doing their best on their day. You know, if I have someone, if I lose it, if I, you know, snippet someone or sound my tone comes across bitchy to my husband, I can own it right then and there and be like babe, I've I've been trying to prioritize too much and I apologize. I didn't mean to sound that way much and I apologize. I didn't mean to sound that way. Obviously, I think I need some quiet time and just owning it and communicating. That is really helpful, especially in relationships.
Speaker 1:I feel like he and I are really in a place that we're able to do that now, but not always. We had a situation the other night Sometimes he sleeps with earplugs in his ears and I asked him I was like you know, are you gonna, are you to be here at seven o'clock in the morning because I'm having the sitter come so I can leave and take the kids to school and then come back and blah, blah, blah and anyway, he he responded a little snarky and I was like okay, and I I realized he needed a little space and time. He's got a lot going on in his own world and I usually handle most of the logistics. So it took him a minute to respond and I think and I explained to him later, actually the next day, because we just fell asleep. I explained to him the next day like hey, I thought that you may have had an ear button or ear plug in. So I'm sorry, I didn't want you to feel like I was like babe, babe, babe, answer me, babe, babe. It wasn't like that, it was just I asked him a question and I was like babe, and he's like give me a second and or whatever. So it wasn't a big deal, but it was one of those things that we were both able to own it, because the energy has increased.
Speaker 1:I mean it's back to school. It's fall, it's we just had a storm come through, so I have a little extra work on my plate because we do these great disaster relief grants for our associates at work, so it's just unexpected stuff that's come up. But it's all about surrendering. Rolling with that flow right, like the next couple of days are even crazy. I literally think I have meetings from 9 to 7.30 tomorrow, like 9 am to 7.30 pm, and tonight it's probably until about 9 pm, including a dinner, and so there's that part of me that's like whew, I'm not going to be there for bedtime tonight. For the routine anyway, I'll be there to say goodnight, but I'm not going to be there for bedtime. However, I can look at it that way. Or I can look at it as I have the opportunity to go to dinner with my husband and we are fortunate enough to work together and we don't have to spend those hours apart. We get to do it together.
Speaker 1:So it's really shifting it and making that decision to shift it to gratitude and appreciation and knowing that we have a really great nanny who is able to help us out and we have reliable help and it's not always that easy to be able to shift things like you can definitely go down rabbit holes and dwell, but I've just really, I've just really tried to hold myself accountable in that and know that when I'm starting to energetically feel a little drained, like a what is it that I'm allowing to use my energy up on, like what is? What is it? Is it something external? Is it something internal, or is it simply me not being present in my moments and going to the future or going to the past? And right now there's a lot of going to the future because we have planning to do, we have kids schedules to do, we have senior pictures coming up for one, we have, you know, all kinds of stuff going like open house nights. We have this, we have that. I mean, there's always something right. But do I need to think about all that stuff all day long? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:So one thing I've actually decided I'm going to do because I usually use my phone and my team's calendar for all my meetings I'm going to go old school written agenda Because, honestly, sometimes not all my calendars merge. So I've decided and I love writing things down anyway, which is why I love journaling so much but I'm just going to go back to old school written calendar write down my days. I can cross things off as I go and I feel like doing that. Just the actual action of crossing things off my list makes me feel accomplished, and maybe I don't cross everything off and that's okay. I can say, hey, I crossed four out of seven things off my list today. Or I got through all of my meetings and didn't distract myself by looking at my phone in between, because sometimes I just need to stay on the same pace.
Speaker 1:So, just setting realistic goals for myself and taking it moment by moment, day by day, I have noticed that I have a little underlying. I wouldn't call it turbulence because I'm not upset, but I think I had a little underlying, almost like boiling energy, not anger, not aggression, I would say probably fear. The root of it is fear, with my daughter starting high school, and I actually talked about this at an empowerment journaling session that I facilitated today and we talked about this and I shared it because we talked about acceptance. Where is an area in your life that you feel like you have had some trouble accepting? And I mentioned earlier how has time gone by? How are we here? How is she in high school? But realizing she is totally equipped for this. She's ready, she's energized, she's excited, she's thriving. She's excited to pick out her outfits every day and not have to wear a uniform anymore. She's excited to get up early and feel accomplished. She's packing her lunch. She's eating healthier. Her lunch, she's eating healthier.
Speaker 1:There are so many positives that I was finding I was subconsciously and a little bit consciously comparing her high school experience to mine. Mind you, I had a great high school experience and I had a lot of friends and I would say I was probably a little boy crazy and I had a traumatic childhood, so I didn't fully process through a lot of friends and I would say I was probably a little boy crazy and I had a traumatic childhood, so I didn't fully process through a lot of life I. It was just a very different dynamic. I didn't have the tools and resources that she has to cope with life or process through life, and I didn't have a mom to talk about it with my. My Nana was amazing, my grandmother, who raised me, and she definitely equipped me with many tools, but I feel like I was just in a place at 14, because that was actually the year I wrote my mom a letter and completely cut her out of my life for seven years, but I feel like I held on to that. I had wounds, I had a lot of baggage that she just doesn't have. So it's not fair for me to project the fear of all of that onto her, because that's not her journey. Her journey is very different and it's going to be whatever it is, and my job is here to support her and hold space for her and recognize how well equipped she is and just trust that she has got this, because she does. She came home super excited, thriving. It was really wonderful to see my wear off in a couple of weeks, who knows but I'm just really proud of the way that we've both been able to navigate this.
Speaker 1:I feel like this whole summer and I know it roots back from my own childhood, cutting my mom out of my life when I was 14. This whole summer I just really wanted to pour into her. I knew it was one of those kind of make or breaks. I wanted her to have fun with her friends. I wanted to build a stronger foundation with her. We've always been very close, but I want to be that mom she can come and talk to when she does start to like a boy and date a boy. It hasn't happened yet, but I mean she's got crushes here and there but I'm sure it will.
Speaker 1:And I think the fear of the loss of innocence on my part in more ways than one, you know, just being exposed to different things and different people and being on her own and independent more in ways that I'm not always going to be there, but I will always be there. She'll always have the mommy voice in the back of her mind that says trust your intuition or listen to your gut or follow your heart, or call me if you need anything, call your brother if you need anything. And I really, as a mother, want to create that safe environment for our kids to know that they're not judged, that it's an open, accepting household. You can't do anything that I didn't try. You can't do anything that would make me love you less right. All I want for you is safe, fun, enjoyable experiences, because it just goes by so fast.
Speaker 1:And I also want them to be able to live and experience things on their own. It's not my job to bail them out of everything and experience things on their own. It's not my job to bail them out of everything. It's not our jobs to shelter them from everything and not that I was going that route, but I think low key, I was resisting the fact that the innocence is. That's just all part of growing up. Right, it's the maturity. It doesn't have to be something that's looked at in a negative way. I can just be looked at and from a different vantage point of wow.
Speaker 1:I'm really grateful that she has the tools and resources to enter this more mature phase of life. She's going to be challenged with opportunities and decisions and it's going to give her the empowering position to make those choices for herself. You know, if she's at a party and people are drinking and she chooses not, to, great for her. If she's at a party and people are drinking and she chooses to, and she knows she can call mom, great for her, whatever those outcomes are, because it's inevitable, right? The more I mean. My perspective on this is the more you try to tell kids not to do something, the more curious it makes them. And I'm all about staying curious, right? So someone's telling me you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do well, why? I want to see what it's all about. I want to see what it's like. I was always that person I still am. I have to experience things for myself and figure it out for myself. So it's been a really good opportunity, especially this whole transitional week I mean we're talking day two here getting back into a new routine and allowing this new chapter to unfold the way that it's supposed to, and not trying to control any of the modalities in there and just allowing it.
Speaker 1:Like our older son got in a car accident. I mean he was out driving in the middle of a tropical storm and going a little fast and lost control of his car and that's something he's going to have to experience on his own. You know, I know, and I was really impressed with the way my husband remained even keel. I mean he and I were out of town at the time and he called and told him what happened. And Matt was very chill and, like you know, I'm just, I'm glad you're okay, it's a car, you know what happened. And he told him what happened. He's like, okay, well, you know, I'm just, I'm glad you're OK, it's a car, you know what happened. And he told him what happened. He's like, ok, well, you know, but he's going to have to make those decisions on how he modifies the way he drives, or if he drives in the rain again like that, or you know, it was by choice, it wasn't, you know.
Speaker 1:But those times, whether it's our kids, our siblings, our spouses, our coworkers, our peers, ourselves, if we're able to stay nonjudgmental and realize, hey, we're all doing our best, we're all trying our best. There's no right or wrong here, but there's an opportunity to learn, there's an opportunity to grow. I think that that is the key to really creating and maintaining this more conscious collective society is just by staying open and understanding and compassionate and keeping that compassion in the back of our mind and in our hearts at all times and not allowing our minds, our logical thinking, to always take an over. I'm reading this book and it's really great. It's called the Awakened Brain and it talks about our achieving awareness and our awakened awareness and how you need a balance of both, like, yes, you need that drive and determination and motivation to succeed or whatever it is that you want to do. And you also need the other type to just have faith that it's going to work out the way it's supposed to, to understand that it's, you know there's, it's all going to work out the way it's supposed to that you're guided, you're supported, you're led, and that way one doesn't overtop the other and vice versa. And I feel like there's definitely been times in my life where I had super tunnel vision, achieving awareness, especially when it comes to like being fit and working out and exercising all the time and having an eight pack and all of this. And then you know my, then it kicks in. That's like well, that's wrecking your hormones and that's not very good, that's very all in, or being super successful and working so much and being independent and financially stable and all of these things. But then you have to take a step back and realize, like it all, it all works out the way it's supposed to, and just have faith that you can. You can only do so much right. We can only do so much anyway. So why spend so much energy on worrying about the outcome? And I think that brings us back to being present, to be honest. Yeah, so those are some really great insights, some fun opportunities coming up that I'm sure I will share with you all along the way. On opportunities coming up that I'm sure I will share with you all along the way In July, here in Sarasota, I was invited to be on the cover of Scene Magazine, which is a fun kind of local magazine, and then they asked me to do the women on this scene an article essentially talking about myself and my passions and what it is I do for my career, and there's a photo shoot accompanied with that and I really feel like I'm in a place that okay.
Speaker 1:Mind you, I love a fun photo shoot. I'm that little girl who is now a woman that never grew out of dress up. I love wearing fun dresses and shoes and jewelry and doing all the fun glam things makeup, hair, all the things but also the authentic and that's authentically part of like stuff I enjoy. However, I'm also the barefoot, sweaty, no makeup, hair, tie, hat, climbing trees, getting dirty kind of person as well, and everything in between. Right, that's just all I enjoy all of that. So, when it came to what I was going to do for the photo shoot, there's an awesome photographer in Sarasota. Her name is Nancy Guth. She's amazing and she reached out and she's like hey, I'm excited about this shoot. What are we going to do? And I was like you know, I want to do something fun, I want to do something different, I don't want to be stuffy. That's just not me. That's not who I am. I want something that just represents my authenticity and the all parts of me, right? So I think we're going to go and do a fun photo shoot in a ball gown a big, fluffy tool ball gown in the woods climbing trees. I don't know what it's going to be like yet fluffy tool ball gown in the woods climbing trees. I don't know what it's going to be like yet, but I love that. I just I want to be barefoot. I want to be myself.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm really going through this observation period of seeing how society is influencing people in so many different ways to a change their appearance, to, um, mind you, we're doing a lot of great things to empower as well. However, I feel like there's almost like an epidemic rise of aesthetics facial aesthetics especially and it's kind of concerning for me and it hurts my heart in a lot of different ways. I feel like if we can really encourage people to love themselves from the outside in, we would love the outside more, or the inside out we would love the outside more, if that makes sense, like truly understanding who we are at our means. However, it concerns me that it's shifting perspectives of people not truly valuing who they are. And all of them, like I'm, embracing the fact that I have a crow's feet and my forehead moves and forehead moves and my face isn't completely symmetrical. No one's is right. No one's body is completely symmetrical. My body's changing. I'll be 40 in February, which is crazy. It doesn't seem like it, but that's all right. I'm looking forward to that next chapter too. I'm sure we'll process all of that together.
Speaker 1:But realizing I'm not a fitness instructor teaching 20 classes a day or a week anymore and I don't have an eight pack anymore, that I have a little bit more curves and my body's a little softer. Is it healthier? Yes, it's actually more healthy now than it was then. It's just not super, super lean anymore, but I'm embracing that and owning it because that's the ebbs and flows of life. Right, I'm not who I was then. I'm who I am now, and today that's going to be different than it is tomorrow.
Speaker 1:And appreciating the aging process, appreciating the fact that I'm healthy and my hormones are regulated and that I have the knowledge I have now and that my life is in a place where I'm not. I don't have four hours to spend in the gym doing random things. I would run in the morning, then I would go to a HIIT class and I would go to a cycle class and I mean that's all fun and great and I genuinely do love to exercise. So I wasn't doing it necessarily because I was like torturing myself. I really do love it, but I'm excited that my life has more purpose than that now and I'm owning that and I just encourage everyone out there that, um, you know, there's just.
Speaker 1:I even went to send my daughter, I let her, I allowed her to have Snapchat and so all the filters. Like it's fun to joke around and have fun, but like, what are we doing? Like, how are we representing this next generation? That this is their life, this technology is their life, and I've accepted that. Do I love it? Not really. That. Do I love it? Not really. But I hope that they are able to see themselves and appreciate themselves without the filter. Because what is the filter? It's a mask, right?
Speaker 1:I feel like if we could just all stop hiding behind whatever type of mask it is we're putting on, whether it's a role, whether it's pushing our feelings down, whether it's literally a mask on our face, I don't know. I think you all understand what I'm talking about here, though, and that if and process it and be able to even just face it, then that's something that I really try to do, and I haven't, honestly, done it that often recently but look at myself in the mirror and be like you know what. I really love you and I appreciate you, and it's not crazy we tell so many other people that we love them, we express our love and gratitude and appreciation for others so much. I think we should all do it for ourselves a little bit more. Like I have these little lines on my face because I smile a lot. I have these lines on my forehead because I lift my eyebrows out of excitement. I don't really have the ones in between my eyes because I don't frown and discern too much, but if I did, I would, and that tells a story. That tells a story about my face, that tells a story about my life, and I think that there's beauty in that, and that if we all just allow each other the space and time, and if we saw each other the way our children see us or our spouses see us, if we saw ourselves the way that our parents saw us when we were first born like that beautiful, pure spirit. I think we would love ourselves a lot more.
Speaker 1:So that's just a lot more of this coming in season two and I'm really excited to share more of this journey with you. I have a plan to have a few really great friends on that, have some great programs and talk more to my kind of accountability buddies, and I really want this season to be about empowerment and accountability and follow through and how are we showing up for ourselves, also still diving into a lot of the healing modalities and ways to do that. But I just I'm very excited. I felt I took a pause to kind of reevaluate the purpose and I feel that that is what I think, and I feel that that is what this new chapter is going to bring, not only for me but for you guys, and I really appreciate you tuning in. I am excited, I am inspired. I'm excited to also have like comments on Spotify. So now you can like put in comments.
Speaker 1:So if you have any like topics you want to hear also kb at crystal clearcom, if you ever have anything you want to hear, you want to talk about, you want to discuss, shoot me an email. Check out my website. There's a little spot on there that you can inquire. If there's topics, if there's, if that's something you want to be a guest on the show, that would be awesome. I'm really open to that and I love that connection, part of all of this, and I just I appreciate you all for being on this journey with me and I hope you have a wonderful day, a wonderful season. We're welcoming fall. Have a wonderful day, thank you.