Krystel Clear
In this podcast you will experience my unique approach to healing, happiness and following my souls purpose. My intention is to provide a platform that aims to guide and support individuals on their journey towards personal growth, inner healing, spiritual enlightenment or just taking the right steps to reach your highest potential!
My goal is to create a thought provoking, safe and nurturing space for listeners to explore various topics. Healing, self-discovery, mindfulness, wellness, empowerment, accountability, the raw truths of life, love and overcoming everyday obstacles.
I will have my tribe of healing coaches, doctors, colleagues and peers joining me to discuss their journeys in hopes of bringing enlightenment and empowerment to your world.
Life can be messy so let’s talk about that and the worthiness, forgiveness and compassion it takes to face our darkness and shine our light!
I hope this podcast validates your feelings, gives you the permission needed to share your voice, speak your truth and navigate your own journey with strength and perseverance.
**This podcast does not supplement any mental health or medical advice from practitioners. It’s a guiding tool providing resources from my own personal life experiences. The intention is to shed light and love onto the lives of others. You are not alone**
Krystel Clear
Evolution & Acceptance with Kayla Fite from "Habits You Love"
After surviving a hurricane-threatened wedding and embracing the challenges of new parenthood, Kayla shares her transformative journey from fitness model to health and mental health advocate. Kayla recounts the evolution of her podcast, "Habits You Love," which started as a therapeutic project and has grown into a platform for exploring wellness, relationships, and personal growth. She now co-hosts with her new husband Tyler Fite reflects on how life’s unpredictability has taught them resilience and the beauty of embracing change with open arms.
Listeners will gain insights into the art of balancing life's demands while nurturing oneself. Kayla & Tyler's candid anecdotes about the importance of slowing down and creating space for introspection resonate in today’s fast-paced world. The episode offers a glimpse into their evolving relationship with fitness, underlining the importance of nurturing both mind and body without succumbing to societal pressures. Through stories of personal and family dynamics, they emphasize emotional maturity and communication as pillars of healthier relationships.
By tuning in, you’ll witness the journey of managing personal triggers, understanding relationship dynamics, and balancing masculine and feminine energies. With over 116 episodes, "Habits You Love" is a testament to the dedication and growth fostered by open conversations. Celebrate the milestones with Kayla as she shares the triumphs and challenges of podcasting while inspiring listeners to find joy in their journey of personal development and self-discovery.
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
Hello everyone, Welcome to this episode of Crystal Clear. I have the beautiful Miss Kayla. Mrs Kayla fight with me today. It's official. It's official she is former fitness model, health advocate, health, still health advocate, health coach, mental health advocate. Welcome.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm excited. Like I said when I walked in, we're just having a normal conversation just being recorded today. That's absolutely right.
Speaker 1:So you have a podcast of your own which. I'm excited to introduce my listeners to, because I think it's very, very well connected. And, vibey, and you've been doing this for how long now?
Speaker 2:my podcast was started in 2021, so oh, three years yeah awesome and it's habits you love maybe 2022. Hold on um no 20. No 2022. 2022.
Speaker 1:Sorry, yeah, 2022 is my favorite number. That's awesome. It's a new beginnings number, so it's perfect. Yes, awesome, so tell us about Habits you Love yeah.
Speaker 2:So I started Habits you Love. I actually had another podcast with a girlfriend. That one was called it Doesn't End here. I believe it's still up and running, but not active, not like current. Her and I decided to share a crazy relationship story that I had. It was a very toxic relationship. She had the idea she's like you need to share this story, so we just did it kind of just for fun, and it actually ended up being very healing for me to actually get it all out. There was a lot of, I think, just like a lot of things that I felt like I was hiding from the world during that time and I was like this is kind of just my opportunity to say, okay, look like this actually wasn't all what it appeared to be, and so we shared that. So after doing that I was like, wow, we really like podcasting.
Speaker 2:And I was seeing a lot of the results and it was helping. So many people were getting so many messages. And so when I did that I was like, okay, obviously that was just about that relationship, but I had so many other things I wanted to talk about. She wasn't interested in expanding the podcast any further, so I was like you know what, I'll just do it. So I started Habits you Love.
Speaker 2:It's funny because the first 10 episodes I wanted to make it like an audiobooks sort of style, so like each episode is a chapter. So I said chapter 1 through 10. Sort of style, so like each chapter, each episode is a chapter. So I said chapter one through 10. And it just kind of goes through my story. What I loved about it is I kind of shared everything and then the episodes to follow were kind of like dissecting things from those episodes. I love that Very intentional, here's everything.
Speaker 2:And then now we're going to kind of go back and like do deeper dives into other topics of my life, like, as you know, mental health. My parents, um, had some mental health issues. You know the relationship, divorce, you know just certain things of my life. So that's how it got started. I really never intended it to keep going this far. But then, like six months in, I had someone actually reach out, a company, and they wanted to be the liaison between my podcast and sponsors. So now I have sponsored, the podcast is sponsored. So now, not only do I have to keep up with, it, but it's transitioned a little bit over the years.
Speaker 2:So tell me about this transition. Yeah so at first it was just mine Habits you love. And then December of 2023, last year, tyler and I was like Tyler and I my now husband we're really good about bantering about just topics like this and kind of diving deep and we have really good conversation and I kind of got tired of just talking to myself in a dark closet.
Speaker 2:So I was like what about being my co-host? So now, yeah, we used to have a ton of guests on, but now it's mainly just us two and we sit down and we just kind of talk about current topics. And it's funny because I'm more so like what's the theme of this episode, and he's more so like just wants to free flow and talk, kind of like joe rogan style. I'm more like, okay, we're gonna have a theme, we're gonna have like a introduction, a climax, an ending, and he doesn't really like that. But whatever, I try.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's like the best of both worlds. You can still have that for your part of it, yeah, and then he can kind of free flow and flow along with that. I love it.
Speaker 2:So I'll do a little bit more just guests by myself, or I'll repurpose episodes like this on other people's podcasts. And yeah, it's like fitness, wellness, relationship, a little bit of parenthood and kind of just about us and our crazy stories.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Yeah, I love it and I love that you're doing it together and that's I think it's a really great example of being open to evolve, like as your life evolves, your podcast evolves. Even like when I started this one, it was about similar Like I wanted to unravel and share, like this PTSD journey, like oh my God, like how did I have PTSD? But then it's like you think about it, it's like, okay, well, constant survival mode, all of that. So the first season was a lot of unraveling that, the micro healing and a lot of things that have to do with that. So I cut it off over the summer just to have some intentional time for myself and my family and prioritize and realize I really missed it, and that was one thing.
Speaker 1:It's like a verbal journal, like you said. It's very healing, it helps to process. So many people responded so well to it, so it's like why not keep it going? So this version, I feel like, is a little bit more empowerment, accountability and all the things that went into season one, but a little less. You know, I don't want to be redundant, I want to keep things new and keep things fresh and different guests, or maybe even some of the same guests that have evolved in their own journeys and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So I'm excited because we've talked about doing this for a while, so I'm excited that we're here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kind of what I realized was, you know, as your podcast will evolve and mine is that I really got tired of sharing that side of the story of like I'm in it Right, I'm still in it. I like sharing the other side of the story where, like, I've been through it and this is what I did to now get on the other side and kind of the way I got through it. So that's why I like to continue, because it's like because sometimes I would share something I was going through in that moment and now I'm like, okay, guys, well, now I'm on the other side of it and I want to share this side of the story now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I love that you say that I actually did that last time I came into film Like I had this whole intention of like recapping my, my Italy retreat and the hurricane situation, and it came in and I'm like I cried over a fucking salad today, like my husband accidentally took the salad I prepped and I ended up crying after a cold plunge and I'm like I don't think my nervous system was ready for the cold plunge.
Speaker 1:I think I needed to regulate, but it was real time. And then I'm like okay, having that aside, because I think people appreciate that like real time vulnerability and if you keep recapping what's happened it keeps you stuck there. So I think that's really that was kind of my intention for revamping and coming back in Like yes, I want podcasting to still continue in this stage. This chapter Is it going to last forever? Who knows? You know, whatever It'll, ebb and flow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll ebb and flow, as it's supposed to, but really, just like what is this part of it? It's more of the empowerment it's coming out on the other side of it. Just like you said, it's moving forward and being in the present moment and not always looking back. Right, I mean understanding that. Okay, if I have some stuff come up, is there some things in the past that may be triggering the?
Speaker 2:turbulence or whatever. Okay, acknowledge, let it go.
Speaker 1:Because if you stay stuck there, then you stay stuck up here, and that's something that I've worked so hard to come out of is being stuck in my own head because it was like my own worst enemy, self-sabotage, the whole thing. So being able to recognize that and having the awareness and just coming out and giving yourself permission to move on, I feel like sometimes we feel like we go through things and we become, we become detached, yeah, but that's okay, like healthy detachment is appropriate for growth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Oh, my gosh, you're speaking my language with everything that I just went through. But um, kind of going back to something, uh, you said and um, what was I gonna say? I can't now, I can't remember, that's okay, it'll come back. Mom brain is kicking in, that's okay.
Speaker 1:And you're a new mom. Yes, new mom. I have an almost eight month old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's the best. So how do you feel like you have changed in the eight months? I mean, I definitely have learned a lot of patience. I feel like I'm more empathetic and compassionate, which is something that I have. Really, I still need to work on a lot. I think maybe I had a baby to be able to be able to do that in a way, just be a little bit more slowed down.
Speaker 2:You know, calm down and he's just, he's taught me so much and it's just about like wow, I'm really enjoying now more of the present moment instead of always being in this hustle. What's next? For me, it's like wow, I just want to like hang out with my baby, kind of worry about so many other things. So I think, yeah, he's taught me patience, empathy and compassion, like Tyler will say. Like I cried when he was about one month old, um, because he was getting something done and I was really crying, which, you know, you cry with your baby and all that.
Speaker 2:But he was like he's just like that's I really don't see you be empathetic too much and that's to see you cry over that. He was like I was kind of shocked and I was like I'm changing.
Speaker 1:I don't know what does I mean? Chemically you change, or mentally you change. Physically you change and it's and it's getting back to that like what, who am I now? And I know, when I was pregnant with Brody after Brody, I mean, the world was still shut down after I had him and it was like what, what is this phase?
Speaker 2:and I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1:My relationship went through some shit because it was like who are, are we? Now? It's like not only am I evolving, but you're evolving, like you know, and you go back to old ways and it's like, well, that doesn't really feel like it fits, but it's kind of fun at the time and it's like but what does the new life look like? And I don't think anyone knew what life looked like at that point in time, but it's been the same, like Brody has taught me, just to slow down and enjoy the now and to nurture myself and be more compassionate to myself, because I'm historically have been pretty hard on myself, like, oh, it's like you know discipline, but I've had rigid boundaries and areas that I've noticed that even even since my Italy trip I came back to the two hurricanes and being sick and all kinds of other stuff and Matt's like you've really changed.
Speaker 1:I was like, really I was like you know, I think being gone, being out of it and it was the longest time I've ever been away from my family it made me have just a greater appreciation and made me kind of I don't know. I think it like turned on my mom, my nurturing side, I'm like I just want to go home and make home-cooked meals and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:And it did Like it. Really I feel slower, like I was sick for a while. I didn't work out Like strength trained for a whole month, which is probably the longest since, like ever.
Speaker 2:But I didn't care and I felt okay.
Speaker 1:Like I was, like I felt less inflamed actually, and with all the things going on, I think my cortisol levels were able to regulate because, like Italy did a little reset for you, I did a little reset.
Speaker 2:Also gave me pneumonia, but that's okay that's a reset too, that'll do it too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those toxins out, I'm sure but I think, surrendering to that and just being like you know what am I gonna fight it my body, mind, spirit. I'm not ready to bounce back into reality. And what the hell is reality right now, anyway, right, so you went to big events during that time, so tell us a little about that. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we just did a podcast episode on this, if you want to add that in there. But we basically had to evacuate our wedding. We had a wedding scheduled for 10-10 10 10 2024, which is the date that we've wanted to have um this whole time. We could have done it last year, but family stuff came up, plus I was pregnant and I don't know. I just didn't envision that you want to feel good, yeah, I just didn't envision that how, um, how it would turn out.
Speaker 2:So we i't know, all year we've had 10, 10 and we've just been so excited about it. And you know, I it's so crazy because my vision that I had was actually coming to life, like months and months and months. I was, you know, you just think about that and I actually didn't think it would all turn out and it was, I was. It was all turning out. It was like, wow, we've got the beach, I have my family coming in town and all their kids can be in it, which is what I wanted. Um, the location, uh, the dress, this I was super excited about walking out to this certain song. I just visualize I would listen to the song and I just visualize how it was going to turn out and we were just excited. It was going to be like 100 person, 100 people there and our friends and families, everyone we love, coming to celebrate us. And it all went to crap. Um, basically, so he had a hurricane hit that day yes, that day, yes, so I was like okay.
Speaker 2:They say it's good that or good luck if it rains on your wedding day. But what about a category four hurricane? What does that mean? Is that really good or really bad? So we shall see.
Speaker 2:But yeah, we basically the weekend it hit on, you know, the Wednesday, thursday, the weekend before everything started to unravel and you know, if I believe a typical bride probably this day and age probably would have really freaked out, and maybe the old me would have freaked out. I don't know, I mean, I'm not really that sentimental when it comes to stuff like that, but um, but yeah, I basically had to be able to change all of our plans. We evacuated, we drove to the panhandle of Florida and we had, long story short, we still ended up getting married on 10, 10. Um, but my sister got ordained on the internet. She flew in, we just got married, just us two and our baby and my sister marrying us. And then two news crews showed up to to interview our story about, you know, evacuating hurricane milton to come, still get married and um, so yeah, that's what happened and um, but I would say like the story behind that is, you know, I think the biggest lesson for me in that was like stop, and you said it earlier, like loose detach, loose attachment or detachment from any outcome.
Speaker 2:Because had I been so emotionally invested in the specific outcome of this wedding and ceremony, I really could have spiraled um down, downward, downward.
Speaker 2:And the fact that I didn't, I was like, and I think there's, you know, there's certain things you maybe you could be emotionally attached to and for instance and for me it was, I want to marry my best friend on 10, 10 and I still did that, you know, and it looked completely different, right, but like that was the goal. And so I think I think a lot of people, they just they hold so much emotional attachment to certain outcomes. Yeah, Like you know, we have an election coming up. Can you just imagine the people whose candidates don't win, what they're going to do? You know they're going to be writing or posting or telling all their, they're going to talk about it for years because their specific candidate didn't win and they're holding on to this outcome, you know. So that's what I've learned throughout the 34 years of my life is like you can't control hardly anything actually Right, and the more we do, the more we drive ourselves crazy and make ourselves sick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to control it. Yeah, like it really boils down to acceptance. Yeah, like OK, well, this is the present moment, this is what I have in front of me. What can I do about it now? So, having that resilience to rebound and adapt and pivot and surrender and I mean it's so much compiled into one and you can still celebrate with your family and friends at a later date.
Speaker 1:Maybe, it's meant for something bigger and greater than you thought it would have been you know and maybe you won't, who knows, but I mean I love that you guys get to do it anyway and you actually evacuated to one of my favorite areas I'm from Tallahassee.
Speaker 2:So we used to go to the beach there a lot for spring breaks and stuff, Such a beautiful area. I mean I've seen the photos.
Speaker 1:They are amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, it was such a weird feeling. It was very conflicting, because, on one end, it's our wedding week and we obviously want to be excited and celebrate us and we deserve this and we're like just so in love, and on the other hand, we're sitting here watching the news every day, looking at this hurricane that's supposed to wipe out our not only our city, but where our friends and family are hungering down. So it was just oh, and I told you I even told Tyler I was and I don't know it just it didn't happen the way we wanted and it didn't feel like this big party and like this huge, like oh my gosh, and the weekend I'm like that was so amazing, but but yeah, I mean, eventually we'll get there and but you know, I'm married.
Speaker 1:So maybe it was meant to be that intimate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know like that intimacy.
Speaker 1:Did you guys write your own vows? Yes, we did See that to me, I think, is so special and unique, and it was probably a lot more relaxed and intentional than it would have been if there was a big crowd.
Speaker 2:That was one thing I was worried about. I didn't have a wedding plan or anything. So I was kind of worried about like, okay, logistically, I'm going to have to be kind of in charge of everything. So it did work out just very intimate. My sister went down ahead of time so I I just literally got dressed by myself, like already by myself. So I think that's kind of why the feelings, yeah, of like all the yeah, all the jitters and all the like walking out to 100 people and like I didn't experience any of that.
Speaker 2:So I think that's why I just don't just feel yeah yeah, you know, and tyler and I are going to be together forever anyway, so it wasn't like a right oh, now that we're married, now it's official, so it just it wasn't a huge leap of of of change, so yeah that's all right.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, I'm happy for you.
Speaker 2:Sad we missed the wedding, but it wouldn't have been like that fun anyway, but never know you would have got to see us cry and it would have been fun, but awesome, yeah, so what does life look like for you guys now?
Speaker 1:what are you envisioning this new chapter? You just moved and, um, you know you're podcasting together. You're raising your little guy like what do you foresee? I know that you kind of um just from previous conversations can have an itch to travel and explore, and so you're not going to get the answer you expect.
Speaker 2:I have all these plans. I, honestly, am just surrendering to whatever.
Speaker 2:I love that. I really have no plan, and I think that comes back to like having Tyson, and back in the day I just would have been like, OK, what's like? I said what's next, what's next? Back in the day I just would have been like, okay, what's like? I said what's next, what's next. And right now I'm just like whatever is meant to happen will happen. I you know, I think when you are not expecting anything, the unexpected happens Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And just in the recent, even years and last couple of months, actually, like so many things have happened where, out of the blue that I was not, I could have never seen coming, and I'm like, oh, my God, it's like been crazy actually. And so, like that is one of the things that I feel like I really have to work on is the control, the like, the control over my life, Tyler's life, our life, like okay, like we're holding on so tightly to maybe a certain outcome, because we've we've talked about certain plans that haven't come to fruition yet, and it's like we could force and we could control and we could, you know, really push for that, but it hasn't happened. So I'm like everything that actually we have right now that's the biggest blessings in our life have been totally unexpected.
Speaker 2:So, it's kind of exciting to just sit back and be like, okay, what's going to happen, because it's kind of exciting to not know Right and trusting, like what's meant for you, will come, whether it's travel or a career opportunity or shifts or whatever, and I'm a firm believer in that same way I just surrender. We have a lot of life going on.
Speaker 1:I'm not upset that like 80% of my fall stuff was canceled due to, like, postponing. Yeah, I just feel like I'm in a place that I really want to create space and I wasn't necessarily doing that. A lot Like I felt, like I was. Yeah, and that was one of the things. When Matt said we were actually at brunch on Sunday and he's like you've changed, and I was like what do you mean? I was almost like what do you mean? I've changed, like I was, and I'm like no, I was like what do you mean? I was almost like what do you mean I've changed, like I was, and I'm like no, I was like I'd still go, go, go, even though I was doing it in more of a mindful way. I was still like almost hamster wheeling of. You know, I have this scheduled and this scheduled and this is going on and this is going on, so for to all fall off and create space.
Speaker 1:Actually just did a journaling program on this at Resilient Retreat the other day about like detachment and like what does detachment mean to you, and I talked about my experience with it is like you know, in some aspects we can think of detachment like there's grief involved and it can be. It can have a negative connotation. Like you know, if you're detaching from a feeling, a place, a thing, if you lose your house and your car, it's like you know a lot. Sometimes you have to process your grief with that, but other times it's like detachment is so. I mean, I feel like it's healthy either way. But it can be like wow, like I'm kind of relieved, and if you are able to be honest with yourself, which I've had you know to work at being honest with myself on was I really excited about that or was I?
Speaker 2:doing it because I felt like I should be doing that, or you probably, maybe subconsciously, all that, all that happened, because subconsciously you're like I really don't want this to happen, right, like, but you're saying I really just want space and I really just want to like chill out and I feel like I I'm always like at a kind of like a push and pull with I do love, like being energized by social and social, but at the same time it's like I really just want some downtime with my kids and like I've been like baking with my little guy on the weekends and like all the things, and it's like that stuff that I wasn't necessarily taking time, a lot of time, to do before.
Speaker 1:I feel like having the three teenagers. They kind of just live in their own little world, my daughter's like very into her social realm these days, which is great, and it's like honoring that for them and not expecting it to be something different. Like you said like just this is the chapter we're in and we're rolling with it. I want to do this experiment and it's.
Speaker 2:I think I'm having a lot of friction doing it, but I've always been one to kind of, you know, manifest things by hard work, yeah, and so I really want to be like what can happen if I don't do anything Right, you know, just allowing and being so flowy and free you know who's really good at this is freaking Hallie.
Speaker 1:Like she's so good.
Speaker 2:I'm like you just sit back and like right things come to you, like I want that, like I want to be, like hanging out with my son on a random Tuesday and like an opportunity come. I don't want to like force, force, force, force and be like, okay, I have to grind, grind, grind and like because again, I I think the things that I've tried to control the most have failed, failed, failed, it didn't work out and I've had to pivot. But the things that have worked out, like I said, have been completely unexpected. I totally relate to that.
Speaker 1:That was kind of like. Last year I started the podcast, I created Crystal Clear, the business and the coaching, and I was doing all these things, which was great, and so my intention for this year was I'm just going to see how this all works out. I'll do a retreat if I feel like doing a retreat. I'll coach someone if I feel like coaching and it aligns Like I'm not seeking anyone.
Speaker 1:I'm not, you know, and it's been really great ebb and flow, like there's been some fun opportunities that have come along that I wasn't seeking, so I can attest to that. It's really awesome for that. And then, but then, then again I feel like prior to Italy, I was getting to the point where, like, okay, well, a lot, a lot's kind of manifesting at once, so now I have to pick and choose, and then it all created space and cleared out on its own and I just kind of trust the process.
Speaker 1:And now I have to make sure not to fill the empty spaces so that's been a really big goal of mine. Just don't fill the empty space.
Speaker 2:What do? That's been a really big goal of mine. Just don't fill the empty space. What do you do when you have space?
Speaker 1:For me, I love to go for long walks. Long walks, disconnect, like from my phone, from computers, from just take time for myself. If I'm into a book, read a good book, like actually read a good book. But I also like to listen to them too, so I'll listen. Um, I like to go to purify. I did like a infrared sweatbed and watch that show, and I never watch like regular tv.
Speaker 2:Nobody wants this oh my god, I've been watching, I'm upset. It's so good, it is so good, it's a really good show it really is and the episodes are like 26 minutes and I'm like what is the hype about this, and she's like how many episodes are there?
Speaker 1:because I'm on episode six I think it's like six or eight there's not a ton.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was so sad when it was over, but then make another one, so but it was so good for me because I feel like I've never allowed myself.
Speaker 1:Even when I went to italy, I read a not or a fiction book and it was like I never do that, yeah, and it was like such a fun escape. So I'm learning. It doesn't always have to be about self-help or self-improvement or like goal aligned, like you can just do things for fun, yeah, and you could just play like honestly, love to play, like do something fun I have lost that over.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to get back to that too. I feel like we're on the same same way way here, and it's like you have to give yourself permission to be like.
Speaker 1:it's okay to be a non-self.
Speaker 2:Be silly, Go have fun and go like I've been trying to be better about finding events in the area and just hey, we're going to go to this event. And it's like just for fun. Yeah, just go be silly, or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what they have actually, they just started them back up. I think this week by us the Ranch Nights in Waterside Super cute.
Speaker 2:So I can walk there actually, which is nice.
Speaker 1:So Waterside they have like food trucks, they have the park.
Speaker 2:I actually went to Waterside two nights ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like live music and yeah, it's just really cute.
Speaker 2:The UTC has a lot of events.
Speaker 2:So we live right by their little pumpkin patch thing and so, yeah, just, and I feel like when you are at play, when you are having fun, that's another way that things come in very easily and flowy. So it's not always about constricting yourself. And, like you said, like I, yeah, I would fill my space up with okay, I'm done for the day. I gotta go do affirmations or read a self-help book or a journal or meditate. Sometimes I just want to turn my brain off and that's why I've been watching that show at night. So I'm like, all right, brain off. This is mindless, I don't have to think about anything other than just entertainment coming into my brain.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And it's really interesting how, like you said, when you're playing, I find that, like if I'm in a joyful, like goofy state, like if something does come up, it's like oh, that's OK, whatever, it doesn't work out, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like so were you like that? You're probably like me, like you're probably like that in your younger years, oh yeah, and then it's annoying because I feel like self-awareness is so good and I feel like everyone should be self-aware. There's a part of me where I'm like I kind of liked when I wasn't self-aware.
Speaker 1:You should be oblivious and go out for drinks and not give a shit, and then just wake up and just do whatever, yeah, and then you're not aware that you're aware.
Speaker 2:So, like just in my early twenties, when I was just you know. I feel like I was really living out what I was supposed to do. I was doing fitness. I was doing modeling, I was sponsored by a supplement company and I was just in the flow of life. But I didn't know I was in the flow of life Does?
Speaker 1:that make sense.
Speaker 2:And then once I had my trauma and I worked through all my trauma, then I'm like oh, now I recognize that you have to be in the flow, but now the work is to get back in the flow, if that makes sense. So it's like I kind of just wish I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:No, I 100% feel that, and my husband and I have had this conversation. It's like, like he stopped eating meat for a while. He was kind of like, had an aversion to it, and he's like you know, what am I doing? Like whatever, if I want a steak, it burns. When we go to dinner I'm going to eat a steak. Like, I don't, like, I'm not going to limit myself.
Speaker 1:And again it gets back to that. I feel like I was overcoming a lot of like unhealthy boundaries or rigid boundaries I had, but then I was also, at the same time, kind of setting an expectation for myself that I had to be like because I want to be authentic, right, and I feel like, authentically, I do want to help people and I want to do this and I want to calm my nervous system. But I mean, let's be real, like your nervous system can't be perfect all the time. And so that was kind of one of those great awakenings that I had the other day when I started crying over a freaking salad being missing from like, okay, I'm clearly not okay, I've been okay on the outside but really I'm not processing on the inside because I haven't been journaling as much as I used to, but it's been nice to take a break yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, and I think everyone needs that.
Speaker 1:Like you can over mental health yourself.
Speaker 2:You can over.
Speaker 1:Just like you can party too much, you can overindulge in the deep diving of stuff and sometimes you just have to let it go and let it flow and find something to do to be playful.
Speaker 2:And so that's kind of what I've been doing, which is a form of therapy as well, yeah, and doing nothing Like literally, on Saturday I didn't take a walk, I didn't do.
Speaker 1:I literally stayed in my jams all day and my husband's like who?
Speaker 2:Are you going to freak out? Are you going to be okay? Did you feel any guilt about that? None, that's good.
Speaker 1:I Mind you, on Sunday was a busy day and I took like a five-mile walk and I loved it. But I genuinely love walking Like. It's not like, and this is something that's been a huge shift for me when I was younger and I think I used it a lot as therapy when I was very young but I wasn't exercising because I loved my body and because I was, you know, nurturing my body Like I exercised because I either went out the night before and I was like sweating it out or like I wanted to look a certain way or have a eight pack for the rest of my life and it's like okay, you ebb and flow Like.
Speaker 2:I'll be 40 in February.
Speaker 1:It's okay to give yourself a break and nurture what your body needs. Now, and from the month of not working out, I feel great. I feel, way less inflamed than I was when I was doing HIIT classes and getting back to strength training.
Speaker 2:I'm like that too. I haven't, since the show we did September 7th, I've done one workout.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you look great, and how do you?
Speaker 2:feel yeah. I feel great. Yeah, I feel like I do feel less inflamed, which is so funny. Yeah, like not lifting weights get less inflamed. A little bit of you know guilt, a little bit of like I should be doing that but I'm not. But I go on walks and I feel good.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like I look bad, but yeah there's that whole and the kind of going back to what you said about the overindulging in self-care. Yeah, For years I was so into it and now I have it. Last couple of years I haven't been into it, but now I'm feeling this itch to like get back and, um, I did start talking to someone again doing some therapy, so that's been good. And now I'm like excited I talked to her next week. I'm like I can't wait to talk to her. Yeah, I mean because your life is totally transitioned, it's not what it used to be.
Speaker 1:So you're not working through what you're working through, then Right, exactly, you're navigating a whole new ballgame. Yeah, yeah, so and that's healthy. And actually I feel like for three weeks I didn't talk to my life coach therapist just because I was out of town, she was out of town, I was sick, she was sick, and so we just didn't know in a power, didn't connect. So I talked to her this morning, actually for the first time in a while and it was like almost like a friendly catch up.
Speaker 1:It was like, but it felt good to just process life and talk about like the wins, like I was telling her about the whole situation that I went through last week and she's like and you know how did Matt respond to you, being like I'm crying over a salad? He was like I'm sorry, babe, I'll bring it home, whereas, like before, both of us may have been like blaming or defensive or like it would have looked different two years ago than it did now, and it was like wow, I didn't even take a time to really stop and think about that little wind of wow we handled that way differently.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you said it was a win for both of you. It was a win for both of us. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:And it's one of those like little little things that it's like I don't want to take those wins for granted. Like just because things are in a really good flow and I feel like our relationship is really like progressed into something very beautiful, because we both have our own creative outlets, we both have our own like work, career goals, but we also have like a different, healthier level of communication and compassion, like you were saying, that compassion and empathy for each other that we didn't really always have.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like we went through a period where we were kind of almost like, well, if you're going to do this, I'm going to do it. Like we were one-upping each other, and that's not a healthy relationship. We're both competitive and like it can be a great thing, but not when it's against each other or like towards each other, or whatever you want to call it, I'll be real honest.
Speaker 2:Like towards each other or whatever you want to call it. I'll be real honest. Like Tyler and I, like we've been together almost four years, we have a baby. You know we did get married but yeah, we still have a lot of work to do. Like a lot.
Speaker 1:We all do. Yeah, I mean we all do. It's a progressive journey.
Speaker 2:It's like some people might be like well, why are you getting married then? And it's just because because, at the end of the day, he's the person I want to work it out with. He's the person I want to go do all the work with. So yeah, we still have a lot of work to do. I'm excited to get to the stage where you are. I mean again we still have our individual and work together but it's come so far.
Speaker 1:So to look at I'm sure you could do the same look at where we were both individually and together, and then how we've been able to progress. But I mean, it's been rough, yeah, I mean there? It's not all rainbow and sunshine, it's just getting to a place that you're like okay, I can accept you for and I think for me is releasing the fact that we're not on the same journey, yeah that like our individual career goals and spiritual goals, or you know, like, like we're different people.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes, especially in the beginning of a relationship, you can feel so connected and everything's passionate and all the things, but then when you have a lot of real life happening in between, it's like okay. So we have to choose each other and choose to communicate and choose to evolve, and there's been times that we've both reclused and projected and you know, put our own shit on each other.
Speaker 1:So good to hear. Oh my God, are you kidding, I mean, and it's just like and it's hard, and so I think. But he's been very open to reading and doing a lot. I know we've you and I have read a lot of the same books, like the Untethered Soul, and he's actually taking this into his company. So he's talking to the executives and taking them on retreats about nonviolent communication.
Speaker 2:Have you read that book? Okay, so you posted it and then I downloaded the audio. Yeah, I'm not done with it. He's got a great voice.
Speaker 1:And I also have the book because I like to highlight too as I'm listening. That book taught me so much and I mentioned it in a couple of podcasts now. But it taught me to, instead of like, in conversation especially, I feel like your partner, your significant other, whoever it is you're closest to, it could be a best friend. Whoever you talk to and you interact with the most, you take the most personally. So we've all heard and I say it all the time like, don't take it personally, but sometimes some things you just do, yeah, like yeah, I know, you know, and they're like, and they're looking at you like why are you right?
Speaker 2:this is my shit. Why are you upset?
Speaker 1:I don't know, because it feels like it's fine too and it's like okay, maybe we need to helpfully detach some things, yeah yeah, but it really taught me to, instead of observing and evaluating the other person like, wow, I feel like he was snippy or he was short, it was like what do I need? So it really taught me to look inward and reflect on, like what my needs were, like what do I need out of the situation?
Speaker 1:right now Is it him coming home at eight, nine o'clock, which was happening a lot prior to going to Italy, and you know, if he comes home later, then Brody wants to stay up later, and then you know he's working and doing his best, not like he's intentionally, like just sneaking away from the house.
Speaker 1:I mean he's literally working and trying to manage his podcasting business, all the things. And so, instead of being like you're you know you're home so late or blah, blah, blah, you could be doing this. Or like, instead of coming from a lack mentality, like I could easily do and definitely cross my mind and spiraled for a few times, don't get me wrong it was like wow, it really taught me to be like.
Speaker 1:I would really love it if you came home earlier at least like three days a week Like, say we, we deviated out and have these like conversations. So then he realizes the value in him. Coming home earlier means Brody gets to bed earlier, which means we get more time together, and so it's that intentional connection time is what I needed. Like I missed that time with him, I missed that time by myself.
Speaker 1:Like, as I know, you know now that you're a mom like sometimes you just need that time to yourself, and so just realizing that was on me to express my needs. But I think we grow up in a society that we're not taught to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh man, oh man, yeah, I mean, that could be a whole series. Well, not even needs just feelings and emotions too. We had a similar situation this week and I don't know what you think about this, but like, okay, so something happened and it triggered me. It revealed a trigger in me of a certain thing, and not to say he intentionally did that, but like what are? What is your thoughts on? Like, if someone triggers you, is it like your responsibility? Obviously, I've worked with this trigger a lot and it's not as bad Like it used to be like very, very deep, but now it's like, okay, that really bothers me, but I like I can get over it quicker. But what is your thoughts on? Is that your responsibility to let that trigger come up and not say anything?
Speaker 1:Or is it your?
Speaker 2:responsibility to tell them hey, what you did just triggered me and now I feel like this and you kind of made me feel like that. Although you're not responsible for my feelings, I have to let you know that you did this and it did this. I don't know what your feelings are about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yes, absolutely so. I think it's all of that, to be honest, and I've navigated in very different ways over the years. So for me, when that happens and it happens because I feel like triggers are just unhealed parts- of ourselves like parts that still need a little nurturing TLC, and sometimes they catch you off guard and those are the worst, because then you're like what?
Speaker 2:the fuck is this coming from?
Speaker 1:And then you're like hopefully you're aware before you react, but it doesn't always happen like the crying over the damn salad.
Speaker 1:So what I try to do in that approach is be like whew, like okay, like there is some like serious turbulence building up. I'm I'm aware that I'm not okay, and then I try to just kind of evaluate like where could this be coming from? Like, is it in this moment, with him right now? Because sometimes we have conditioning and our partners can do things multiple times that that brings up something. But like, but what is the root of that?
Speaker 1:So I always try to get to the root of it. So that's usually when I go to my journal and just kind of write down like this is the way I'm feeling. I'm accepting the way I'm feeling because I've gone through ebbs and flows of like guilting myself or shaming myself for feeling some kind of way, when it's you should be more healed in this by now and I said, well, you can't should yourself on that, so that's not fair. So I try A not to get down on myself and allow myself to feel my feelings and then to express myself and just be like you know I'm clearly not okay, like I'm feeling some kind of way.
Speaker 1:I need a break from you and from everyone else because I'm in the space where I could say something that I probably won't really mean. Yeah, and try to take as much accountability as possible. Does it always happen? No, is there some projection sometimes? Yeah, I mean, everyone loses their shit. Yeah, and that's okay. Yeah, and it's just finding that forgiveness in myself when that happens and trying to explain it to him as best as possible, because sometimes he's like, oh, but then sometimes there's stuff that it's like did you do that on purpose?
Speaker 1:I know, I feel like it's more with my 14-year-old daughter at this point.
Speaker 2:She knows the things that tick.
Speaker 1:But it's like also just having the awareness to just be like you know what. Sometimes you just gotta let shit go and like, is it worth? And sometimes I take a step back and I'm like is it worth my energy at this point in time, like like, why, why? Yeah, yeah, it's hard, yeah.
Speaker 2:We're kind of, we're going through these cycles. It's a cycle now. Yeah, we're just like the same thing every time. Every time something happens like big and extreme, it's the same root issue. So that's when you gotta like, okay, we gotta, we gotta work this out. What is the root issue here?
Speaker 1:so so you're aware of the root issue. Um, yeah, okay, is it on both parts or one or the other? Um, we don't have to dig into it if you want it's really on it's.
Speaker 2:We're not doing the same it's, it's both parts, I believe. I believe it's I'm trying to do something he's not allowing.
Speaker 2:Obviously very like, unconsciously, not like I'm not gonna allow you to do that, but right but yeah, it's like an emotional wound for me and then it's emotional wound for him and I feel like almost like my trigger is triggering his trigger, when it probably is. Yeah, so it's like I'm doing something and then how you respond is a trigger for me, and then, but I feel like the thing that I'm trying to get him to do is a trigger for him. It's weird, it's. It's a weird. No, I get it. I mean, we've gone through that.
Speaker 1:We've been together for 12 years yeah, almost 12 years and it's been happening since the very beginning and it just happens in different ways. You know, I think for me it used to be like financial, like I used to be very, like I wanted to be independent, I wanted to make sure that I was taking care of myself and ever so really like getting out of that masculine energy for me, oh girl.
Speaker 2:That's a whole nother episode.
Speaker 1:Actually we should really do one that has been a challenge. I mean whether it comes to like my physical fitness or my financial freedom, or my ability to be independent and even nurture my body and my kids the way I like in that feminine energy is very different. It takes a whole different approach. So I constantly have to remind myself like what energy field are you in right now and allowing him to have masculine?
Speaker 2:energy, because I want him to.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's like, if I'm overbearing things with this, like I can take care of myself, I can do it. And it's like, well, okay, like what's the purpose of? I mean not the purpose of us, but you know what I mean. I don't want to take that from him. And so that's one thing, a pattern I realized of myself.
Speaker 2:It's like if I felt unsafe, I put on the masculine energy like, and that was the armor and huge ptsd pattern for me oh yeah, huge like I need safety you're not providing safety.
Speaker 1:You're not telling the whole truth. How can it's like? Well, I don't feel safe telling the whole truth because you're being reactive.
Speaker 2:And it's like that, and it wasn't anything crazy, it was just like little things.
Speaker 2:Yes, girl, girl, this is like right in the thick of it right now, but yeah, we could definitely do an episode on masculine and feminine, and I was recently had this realization, a couple months ago. And point where it's it's weird. I love healing because, uh, you'll just have these light bulb moments and it's like okay, wait, this actually might be this, and it's like just comes out of nowhere. And so I, we, I, we researched it together and, yeah, it turns out we, we are just kind of in a role confusion right now, because he's predominantly more nurturing, empathetic and compassionate to everyone in his life friends, family and I'm more decisive, logic and assertive, and that's what masculine energy is, and that's just where we are, where we've gotten.
Speaker 2:So I'm like you want me to be more feminine and I want you to be more masculine. So, like that's the work we got to do is like I got to let go and like let go of control, and, but you also have to learn to take control, because it's not I'm go of control and but you also have to learn to take control, because it's not I'm not withholding it and you're trying to take it from me. You actually need to develop that skill as well, and I need to develop the skill of letting go.
Speaker 2:It's, it's weird, so it's so weird like you have the work to do and I have the work to do too, but we're trying to find that like harmony and balance of the energies, because you need both a little bit.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, you don't want to have all masculine all, all feminine Right and I feel like that's been a thing for Matt and I is like both came in with like strong, competitive masculine energy, so we've both had to work on having that, because although I feel like I do have a very empathetic, compassionate side. It just like now it's more so out there and nurturing and everything that it used to be, because I realized that was like a survival mode trait that I had.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so me feeling more comfortable and being in that vulnerable space of I'm just not going to do anything on a Saturday.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay, that's kind of tapping into that feminine.
Speaker 1:Like you said, like I'm, you know motherhood that's a feminine role, and my mom I love her, but she wasn't around a ton when I was a kid. My grandmother was, and I feel like there's a difference and you're close with your grandmother too.
Speaker 1:So you understand, I think it's different coming from that role than it is the maternal role, because I almost felt like I was her mother or older or older sister or something to grow up real quick, very quick um, which was helpful when you're assertive and and decisive and yeah, you can't, you don't always have time to be emotional yeah, I think that that, uh, that gave me um back then I think I gave myself permission to just kind of push through and that's where, like the hard working like I felt like I needed to be doing something all the time hustling to be worthy and grew up around that kind of atmosphere, and so I've had to let myself. Let that go and be like it's okay like you and the more I've let down my guard.
Speaker 2:It's exhausting. The more I've let down my guard, it's exhausting.
Speaker 1:The more I've let down my guard and I've allowed my husband to come into this role. For lack of a better word, I don't really like the word role, but you know what? I mean More into that energy of like I'm okay with the fight. I don't always have to be like super hustling working all the time.
Speaker 1:Because what is that doing? It's taking away from my kids, and if I don't have to do that, why am I choosing to do that in the stage, and it was showing me that that was just an area I still had to let go and have had a lot of growth to do so it was in that right now, right, yeah, and it's and it's hard because it is such deep rooted conditioning.
Speaker 1:So I've really tried to practice non-judgment recently. I mean, I've always tried to practice it, but I've caught myself big time of just like observe it within yourself without judging it. Are you talking about judging yourself?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Judging myself for like letting go and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:I mean when that's just the easiest thing. It's like I feel like I've always been very nonjudgmental of other people. Yes, or if I have been, it's because it's stuff inside me that I was judging. Yeah, I feel like that's what just judgment really is anyway.
Speaker 2:Isn't it so crazy that we're like the meanest to ourselves oh, it's terrible, yeah, and so Some person that's going through the exact same thing, I'd be like, oh my God, like, but you're this, you're that, you're you know. And then, like, put that to yourself, suck it up, buttercup. Yeah, get the shit going. What's easy, you know what?
Speaker 1:it changed for me is when I had Tatum, because it's like, how would you coach her through this? Like, taught me to be more just, lovable with myself, and then, 10 years later, brody, even more so, and just letting go of that Now that she's a teenager, making sure that you know she has the awareness and the intrinsic confidence to get through things that I didn't necessarily have at her age.
Speaker 1:It's so funny because she's like Mom, you would be so great and I'm like I was not like that at 14. Like it's taken me a long time to have the intrinsic confidence and the you know ability to get up in front of a crowd and not care. And like you know, if there's a hair out of place, who?
Speaker 2:cares Like the no shame.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, the no shame, the no holding on to things, the not people pleasing.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, all on to things the not people pleasing and all those things we are. I'm like. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, this is why we get along.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are I mean it's so funny Like I can see everything now from a bird's eye view of my life so far and just the way everything happened, the timing of everything, and yeah, I think for one, having a child is for one, I think the timing was perfect because I have done the healing work and now I get to do things differently than my parents did, where, if I would have had a kid before 30, I probably would have done exactly what they did, which, you know, I'm trying to break some generational curses here. And then, yeah, just that empathy and getting into that femininity and, like I said, I think I was gifted a child for that reason, to help me a little bit, obviously for him as well, but it's awesome, I'm a believer in that.
Speaker 1:I feel like they kind of choose us in the spaces where we need to grow. I feel that very much so about my kids and they're very different. So it's like Tatum gave me what I needed in that chapter. She was super laid back and lucky and just, and Brody, he's just a whole different and Brody he's just a whole different animal and I love it.
Speaker 1:But now you have the patience for that, but I have that and I have the patience for it, but he's also so. I feel like he's like a new spirit. I don't know if anyone believes in reincarnation, but I feel like Tatum's like an old soul. She's been here before, she's lived many lives, she's wise beyond her years, she understands things that most adults don't understand. And then I have Brody. That's just this joyful, free spirited. You know, we pull up into a very crowded place Mom look at all the friends Whereas some kids would be terrified because it's like what's going on. But I think that that's has a lot to do with the way Matt and I have learned to reparent.
Speaker 1:We really had like a second opportunity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Like, and the poor teenagers are probably like. Well, it's a whole different set of group than we do, but it's good, it's been their journey. They have two sets of parents, so it's a good thing. It balances out.
Speaker 2:It is crazy how, even if you have kids very close in age, you can change so much during those years. You can parent so different with each kid. I have three siblings. I would say my oldest brother is different and then me and my middle brother were pretty similar and then my sister is different and it's like because we each got a different experience, because my brother got a lot of attention and then I came along and then you know. So you know it's just you compare and difference. I'm like what would I do with the second child?
Speaker 1:How would that be? Well, I didn't plan either of my babies and it took me 10 years to do it twice. So I'll just say that I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not a planner like that. I can plan a lot of things that I can never plan for. But very grateful, very blessed that they both did. And then I got two bonus boys in the whole mix and that's a whole different challenge. You know being like a bonus parent, especially in the teenage years and learning boundaries with all of that.
Speaker 2:And where you are. What can I say, what can't I say?
Speaker 1:Right and I've just, you know, I've learned over the years and again relinquishing control because my husband worked a lot more when they were younger, so I was the primary one home with them a lot. But I realized having a great relationship with their mother was key, because then I could just call her and be like hey, are you seeing this at your home? Like how do you navigate this situation? And I felt like blended families, you know, with blended families, you know I can understand if you have cause for concern, but for us it was always like it's not worth it to not have a relationship with that other person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because it keeps it more consistent with the kids, it keeps it more open and, you know, have we had our ebbs and flows over?
Speaker 2:the year Absolutely.
Speaker 1:But it really helps to just have that and like that's their mother, that's their safe place, yeah, and so like how would they feel if I wasn't comfortable honoring and respecting their safe place? They feel if I wasn't comfortable honoring and respecting their safe place. So that was huge for me, as, like, being a bonus parent is just understanding, like the key is communication, and so it's taught us a lot over the years it's. You know, I feel like with my ex-husband. You know it took a little longer, I think.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it was like a man thing or whatever, but it took a little longer for it to be.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think it was like a man thing or whatever. Longer for what? The communication?
Speaker 1:Just longer for it to be like more settled. I think maybe it's just personality-wise yeah, acceptance and stuff like that a little different, and but yeah.
Speaker 2:It really shows someone's emotional maturity. If you're dealing with step-parents, you're dealing with step parents um baby mama, daddies, whatever. It's like when someone doesn't want to have a good relationship or intentionally causes drama. I just don't understand that I'm glad I've never really had to mess with that or be involved in that, but like I have friends that do and I'm like golly, it's just like what is the purpose?
Speaker 1:yeah but hopefully they'll grow out of it. And you know, I feel like what I've learned on my healing journey is like we get stuck at certain ages where there's trauma Like I feel like if emotionally, emotionally, sometimes like our emotional maturity gets stunted at a certain age, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And and then it takes us a while, like I know, when rebellious teenage injustice trigger crystals coming out. You know, and I know when a little crystal that needs safety and security and love and intentional time and unconditional just love and acceptance comes out. Like I know that with myself and so it's been able to help me realize with other people, Like if my husband's having a day or something gets to him, I'm like okay, like I can help navigate this if I understand which part of him is coming out. Or the kids even, yeah, or people like your good friends.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I feel like I'm able to observe it more. I don't know. Yeah, when you have self-awareness, like I was saying earlier, when you're kind of in the know, you can observe other people's behavior and reactions and not for one take so much offense to it, right For one, and then just be like, oh, ok, so that's that's where that's coming from. Yeah, and before I was like that, it was just like everything felt like an attack. It was always you're attacking me and you're, you're mean or you're doing this. When I'm like, okay, like now, I could see the deeper rooted issues coming through that they might not I mean they might, they might not see. And I think some people, I don't know, do you feel like there's like where you kind of be half in, half out of self-awareness a little bit 100 yeah where someone could be like I, I don't know. They say, oh, I know that, but then they don't.
Speaker 1:They're willing to recognize it in you, but not willing to recognize it in themselves. And I've gone through that myself. I've been able to observe that in other people and I think the key to that is just taking the ego out of it, because I think our ego gets bruised Like you know. The compliment even like and have you read Four Agreements?
Speaker 2:Yes, a long time ago, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Same, so good, but it's like one of the big things that I always try to remind myself is don't take it personally.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the good stuff or the bad stuff. Yeah, because I know there's times in my life where it's like you know, all these things are going great and you're getting compliments and this is happening and everything's in the flow and coming to you. And then there's low times where that's, you know, then you're just cruising and that's okay. But if we let our ego take over, it's like, well, why isn't this happening? Or like it gets bruised if someone's not complimenting us or if someone has something to say about something we're doing. It's like well, is this my authentic, like my real, true, authentic self, or is it like the false sense of self that needs that?
Speaker 2:security to bind to. Yeah, it's so hard, it's so hard, so hard to navigate all that. But it's better to be self-aware than not.
Speaker 1:I will say it is and I think for people to really understand that it's ebbs and flows. It doesn't matter how many books you've read. It doesn't matter how many you know yogurt retreats you've gone on Like we still all have our moments and it's just that constant, like opportunity to observe new things about ourselves and learn new things about ourselves, Like I learned something new about myself every day, if I allow it, but I have to be in a place to allow it for it to happen.
Speaker 2:So kind of you were at the speech that I did for Bluebird and like kind of the three points that I like to say with that, like when you said allow, like kind of what I go back to is there's, I say I just say have three A points. And the first is accept. Like you have to get to that first point of acceptance of of what's going on in your life, whether it be like okay, I need this, this is happening. I'm accepting the fact that in some form or fashion, I need some sort of help. And then there's the acknowledgement part, where that's acknowledging that you have a role to play in your own suffering. No one's doing anything to you and you have a role to play in it, whether you like.
Speaker 2:That's why it's called acknowledgement. It's like, ok, I acknowledge that this happened, this is why this happened. It kind of just snowballs. And then the third piece is the awareness. And then that's like the daily awareness. That's the daily part of OK, like being aware of the emotions that stir up what may have caused it, your triggers, and then going through that deeper, deeper, rooted healing to get to those triggers. And so, yeah, that's like my little flow that I do where I'm like okay, except and I've had to do that for multiple different areas of trauma Like it's like okay, I did that for this section.
Speaker 1:Now that's kind of figured out. Now we got another section and that's figured out, so I love that, and even to add another one onto that is the accountability. Yes, yeah, Like the accountability and that you know it kind of flows with the awareness and the um like knowledgement. I feel like together combined.
Speaker 2:Yeah, accountability Right, right. So yeah, accountability Right, right. Yeah, I love that. It's true. I mean, we're all in charge of our own story, right yeah? I just see a lot of people that want to avoid pain. It's like they don't want to and they want to avoid themselves and it's like, no, I think the hardest part is getting to that step one. That's the hardest part. Once you get to the step one, the others you're kind of easy, right.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you think about it, we never really avoid it, it just comes out in different areas whether it's like in traffic when you're freaking out on a person or like yes, like people feel it, regardless if they want to or not, right. Exactly, and our coping mechanisms is just like you know, learning how to cope with it all, yeah, yeah, and accepting that it's okay and everyone has it. Yeah, love it. I feel like we could go on, and on, and on forever.
Speaker 2:And we'll have to do this again.
Speaker 1:I really do want to do another one on masculine feminine roles Me too, me too. That sounds fantastic.
Speaker 2:So is there anything you would like to leave our listeners with today? Well, I always ask my guests on our podcast, like what is one thing you know for sure? I love asking that, like if there's one thing that you could scream from a mountaintop if everyone in the world was listening to you, I just think, like a self-healing journey is the most important thing you could do. I'm getting to that step one, getting to the acceptance, getting into the like, just let go and realize, like you will never be perfect and you cannot avoid pain or stressors in life, because they're going to happen. I think it's much more important to learn how to deal with them and build that resiliency and not just, not just be able to come or overcome setbacks, but like build that, like rewiring your brain to be able to handle them better. So, step one, just like, get to that acceptance, piece of like you know what, ok, I need help, right, and then get there, love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Great, thank you.
Speaker 1:It's been a joy. It went by really fast. I just glanced over and I'm like, oh my God.
Speaker 2:We're almost like an hour on the dot.
Speaker 1:I know I feel like we need to keep chatting until we get to exactly 60. I know.
Speaker 2:Do, do, do, let's play the Jeopardy music.
Speaker 1:Check out her podcast Habits you Love. How many episodes do you have now?
Speaker 2:I think we have like 116 or 117. That's awesome. Yeah, it's been averaging out to once a week. That's awesome Since I've started, so yeah.
Speaker 1:That's great and that's a lot. People underestimate how much work that really is.
Speaker 2:Yes, I want to do it more, and that goes back to like the oh, I need to, but I'm just. You know, this is what I can do right now, so awesome, well, keep doing it girl proud of you.
Speaker 1:I'm excited that you came to join me today, and that's a wrap see you guys later see y'all.