Krystel Clear
In this podcast you will experience my unique approach to healing, happiness and following my souls purpose. My intention is to provide a platform that aims to guide and support individuals on their journey towards personal growth, inner healing, spiritual enlightenment or just taking the right steps to reach your highest potential!
My goal is to create a thought provoking, safe and nurturing space for listeners to explore various topics. Healing, self-discovery, mindfulness, wellness, empowerment, accountability, the raw truths of life, love and overcoming everyday obstacles.
I will have my tribe of healing coaches, doctors, colleagues and peers joining me to discuss their journeys in hopes of bringing enlightenment and empowerment to your world.
Life can be messy so let’s talk about that and the worthiness, forgiveness and compassion it takes to face our darkness and shine our light!
I hope this podcast validates your feelings, gives you the permission needed to share your voice, speak your truth and navigate your own journey with strength and perseverance.
**This podcast does not supplement any mental health or medical advice from practitioners. It’s a guiding tool providing resources from my own personal life experiences. The intention is to shed light and love onto the lives of others. You are not alone**
Krystel Clear
Balancing Energies & Self-Discovery with Jen Smith
Join me in a heartfelt conversation with the extraordinary Jen Smith, a business and life coach who has been a pivotal force in my personal and professional growth. We reminisce about our transformative first retreat together and how it encouraged me to embrace and own my personal story. Jen shares her incredible journey from executive coaching to leadership empowerment, and how her divorce served as a defining moment for personal growth. Together, we explore the power of embracing change, seeking help, and the vibrant community we've both found strength in.
Navigating life's complexities is no easy feat, and in this episode, we dive into the importance of setting boundaries and self-discovery. I recount my experience of shedding old patterns that no longer served me, emphasizing that healing is a non-linear journey. We also touch upon the nuances of parenting, focusing on setting boundaries with children that honor their autonomy while fostering mutual respect. Listeners can glean insights into crafting healthier relationships by prioritizing individual needs and maintaining authenticity, even in the face of generational shifts.
Finally, we explore the transformative journey of self-reflection and the empowerment that comes from understanding our personal needs. By prioritizing self-care and nurturing personal goals, we can recharge and maintain balance in our lives. We share our excitement for future discussions on relationships and sex, highlighting the playful yet profound connections that fuel our collaborative spirit. This episode promises an engaging and transformative listening experience as we journey through evolving dynamics of relationships, self-discovery, and empowerment.
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of Crystal Clear. I have the gorgeous, wonderful soul sister of mine, ms Jen Smith, who is a hell ofa business executive coach and life coach and honestly she's like one of the people in my journey that really like taught me to own my shit and get me out of my ruts and also gives the best hugs ever. So welcome Jen.
Speaker 2:That was nice. I'll own that. Thank you for that. I love giving hugs, especially to you.
Speaker 1:You do the best hugs. But we've done a number of retreats now and the first one was four years ago which is hard to believe and it was with my YPO group, the spouse forum of executive husbands, and you essentially came in and I'll never forget, like I was telling you all this stuff about my husband and you're like, well, what's your fucking story? Like okay, your husband sounds great, or whatever you guys are going through, like okay, your husband sounds great, or whatever you guys are going through, what's your fucking story? And I'm like what is my story? And it all kind of unfolded from there.
Speaker 2:It did so. Thank you for that. Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Because that was kind of the like you know how you fall off the swing set when you're a kid. You like really fly far off the swing set. You fall and you're like the wind gets knocked out of you, but you get up and you're like okay, like the adrenaline kicked in, like I'm ready to go now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what it did for me. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:That was such a fun group.
Speaker 2:It was really fun.
Speaker 1:We're very diverse Exploring.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my gosh, did we explore in?
Speaker 1:that we're a diverse group yeah, you are Very, very different and have some ebbs and flows, but yeah, yeah, it was wonderful, it was wonderful.
Speaker 2:And now we have evolved, we have evolved, you have evolved.
Speaker 1:I have evolved.
Speaker 2:Very much so. We've both evolved, we've both evolved and we're sitting here.
Speaker 1:We are, and we actually come from the same similar little place in Tallahassee. I know A little outside. So we're a little Tallahassee lassies at heart, but barefoot now in Sarasota.
Speaker 2:Love it. Yeah, me too. I love every second of it. Oh gosh, yes, Country beach best of both worlds. Best of both worlds, all of these energetic souls here in Sarasota with this magical universe that we live in.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely so. Tell us a little bit. How would you like to. I had my own description of you. Yeah, Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you now?
Speaker 2:know that I wanted to do that until I was presented the opportunity over the last couple of years to see and work with these different leaders, I still have my own personal clients and those clients range from business owners to moms that are getting into business. I definitely work with leaders who want to lead and want to serve and have a leadership mentality. So between that executive coaching and I'm doing business development, which I've been doing since I closed Leloo, which is sweet and sour at the same time, but it's led me here and I just absolutely love what I'm doing and I love the people that I'm working with and I'm really happy.
Speaker 1:Good and I'm excited. I feel like we've had our ebbs and flows and 911 calls and girl chats and all the things for each other. It's like one thing turns into a street of you telling me to own my shit and then it's like, well, you know what, I'm going to help you own yours too. We're going to get through this. I love it. I love how these relationships start off and how they transpire and we did. I watched you speak at Bluebird, an event. What was it last summer? I feel like time is flying by.
Speaker 1:I have no concept of time. Me either, and you really talked about and it was a big group of women for those who aren't familiar and you really spoke a lot about, like, how you got to where you are now, Because you know. Share a little bit about that, if you're open to it. Like where, where were your biggest pivots, what were your biggest like? You know what? I need to shake this up. This just isn't for me.
Speaker 2:I think the most relevant one pertaining to this subject is my divorce. It's not something that I talk about a lot, but when I do talk about it, I talk about it in detail, and going through that divorce was one of the most ground shattering events of my entire life. To your topic of owning your shit, I had to look at myself and every aspect of my life because I knew that I had had a hand in where we were Right and I couldn't move forward until I figured out the whys and what I did and how I could do it differently, because I knew that I didn't want to repeat all of those patterns again. And so in that moment where we separated, I decided I can sit in it or I can figure out why, and a country girl from the South who has a farmer's daughter get your shit together, you get after it, pull up your bootstraps and keep going. If you want it done, right, do it yourself mentality that wasn't serving me anymore. I needed help, right, I needed a lot of help.
Speaker 2:So I started going into different places and I went to the bottom of the barrel. I hit bottom and, talking about a pivot again, I could sit in all of that misery or I could figure out what to do with it next. So that was a huge pivot. And then I subsequently moved out of a house of seven to a house of one, closed my brick and mortar business started a new business, got divorced, covid, co-parenting I mean co -parenting Whole different animal. That's a whole different animal. Yeah, so that was a big pivot in my life and what I found out is that I'm a really fucking awesome person. I just had to get rid of some pretty old patterns and behaviors that weren't serving me anymore and I had to face them and I had to be honest about them and I had to look them in the mirror and decide if I was going to take them with me or leave them in that barrel that I was floating in. And I would say 90% of them I left in that barrel.
Speaker 1:I love it. And how long do you feel like that journey, that particular journey of facing it, owning it? I mean, I for me, I feel like it's continuous. Yes, I feel like sometimes I'm swirling in my barrel, like sometimes I'm out, I'd peek my head out, sometimes I pop back in. So how long do you feel? Because I know a lot of people are like sometimes I'm swirling in my barrel, like sometimes I'm out, I peek my head out, sometimes I pop back in. So how long do you feel?
Speaker 1:Because I know a lot of people are like I want a quick fix, Everything's going to be fine if I do these two things. And I'm like, eh, and even when you do all the work, like what does it take? Like the recent stuff we were talking about before we got on air here, like all it takes is a, a hurricane or two or some destruction and neurologically in our brain that looks like warfare. So we all become survivors again, no matter how much trauma healing we've had. It puts us back in that fight, flight, fear, fawn. What the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 2:stage.
Speaker 1:And so it's continuous, and I think that that's something that I express. A lot is like healing is not linear.
Speaker 2:No, it is not.
Speaker 1:It's continuous growth, because what I've found for myself is I've gotten out of a lot of my patterns but then I create new patterns of some sort. But sometimes I feel like I'm kind of getting in that phase now Some stuff just gets stale, like whether it's the same talk therapist or the same workout routine or the same just I am a person that needs to shake things up Like I can't be, doing one thing all the time.
Speaker 1:I'm not built that way. I've never been built that way. Very much like you, I'm a if you want it done right, do it yourself, push it aside and work through it. I can't do that because then what happens? It shows up nasty for me Always and it never works. It never works. But I think that our society, all this masculine energy that we're surrounded by, kind of creates that, because I feel like I have more of a tendency to lean towards more on the masculine energy side than the feminine sometimes, which I'm really trying to tap more into the feminine. But like society, we you know when you see this, I'm sure, in business development. So how have you found your balance with that?
Speaker 2:Okay, so that's a big one. I'm going to answer. You had one question and that was how long did it take me? Because I think that's important, yeah, when I was in the real thick of it and I prioritized it and that's a key word, Right, I prioritized that and I wanted to go after it and I will say I do not advise this to anybody, okay. So I'm going to note this is an advisory warning. I don't advise this. I went after everything, everything, and I'm talking about different things in my childhood, different things with my dad, different things with my second dad, different things in my life growing up. I mean, I went after all of it at the same time. I went after everything that was happening with my divorce, what got me there. I went after the guilt, the shame, all of that, and I went after it at one time, with many different modalities, and it was horrific.
Speaker 1:I can relate. I did the same I can relate.
Speaker 2:I did the same, but how long did that take me? A solid three years and I turned 40. So there was all of this other emotional stuff going on when a woman gets into her early 40s that I was also going through, right where something would come up. Do you know that episode in Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan is on the sailboat, yeah, and he looks up at the heavens and he says is that all you've got? Bring it on? Yeah, that's me, everything that came up. If it wasn't just ripping me to pieces, I'm like is that it? What the fuck else? Because bring it Right Again.
Speaker 2:That was a solid, I would say, two to three years, yeah, but it has been an ongoing process. But I will tell you that because I chose to do that. When I got on the other side of it and I finally was able to look myself in the mirror and I'm talking about, I dissected the lies, the deceit and I looked everything in the face from my previous 40 years, I have been so peaceful. I'm at a place in my life where I can look at you with 100% certainty and tell you I'm at peace, you, the gods, the president, your best friend, my exes I can't get rattled.
Speaker 2:I get irritated I get frustrated, but I'm able to work through it a lot better than I've ever been in my life, and sometimes I have to pinch myself and I go. Is this possible? And then to your next point is it's always ongoing, though those other patterns and those other things that come up, I take the time to go stop. Like you said earlier, I'm learning how to just not, I just don't. I lock the gate at my country house and I sit behind that gate on my property and I process it, whether it's 10 minutes or 10 hours, and then I'm done, right. And then I come out the gate and I'm fine, right, I'm good. And then, anyway, to the next question about balance of.
Speaker 2:I love the topic about masculine and feminine energy because when it when it comes to owning your shit, both of those energies have different pathways to get to owning your shit, and I've navigated between both of them and I think that as women, especially when women figure out how to navigate between the masculine and the feminine, that is when we become the most powerful universal being that you're ever going to become Right, like unapologetically, unapologetically amazing. Yeah, and I guess it goes back to that same statement is that when something comes up. I have to prioritize the time to work through it, right? I had a conversation with a friend at dinner on Tuesday and on the way there something happened. And when we sat down together he said to me wow, what's going on with you, what's happening? And I'm like you know, something just came up and I have to work through it, like I'm processing right now, and I said you know what? I don't want to be here.
Speaker 1:I got to go, yeah, and I got up and left, yeah, and that's okay, that's okay, and I'm sure he didn't care, not at all.
Speaker 2:And if he did.
Speaker 1:I don't give a fuck, Right, I love it. Well, and that's more of what we need and I think that's my whole point of doing this podcast is giving people different perspectives. To give them permission, right, because everyone's lens is different. Everyone has a different childhood, everyone has a different background, everyone has a different reality. You can have a family of six people and every single person has a totally different perspective of mom, dad, siblings, everything which I think is fascinating, but it really boils down to ownership and taking responsibility for like.
Speaker 1:If you would have muscled through that dinner, you would have not been present. You would right, you would have not enjoyed your food. It would have been. You probably weren't even hungry at that point, but you took the time for yourself and that's something I'm realizing is just so necessary, and I had a conversation about this last night.
Speaker 1:Life catches up and there's a lot of it, but you have to set boundaries. I have to set boundaries on myself and just being like you know what, nope, I can't and not explaining myself that's one thing I've really tapped into is like no, I can't go without saying because like it's no, no, no one gives a shit, nope, no one cares why you can't go Right, like when someone and I realized that when I have like and I love them, but I have some friends that are over explainers, yeah, and every time I'm like that's a trauma response to stop, this is a wrong person, no one cares, no one cares at all, and they're always like I love you, thank you, and I'm like, seriously, because when you get into the, just say no, because that's powerful Period, like knowing that no is a full sentence. When someone told me that it may have even been you, I don't even remember I was like no shit.
Speaker 2:It is, it so is.
Speaker 1:It's different when your teenagers are giving it back to you. That's a little bit, but it's, but it's also respecting that. No is a complete sentence. For them too.
Speaker 2:It depends on the eye rolls and the tone of voice and everything else, but there's nothing else that comes with it when my son says no to me, he'll look at me and he'll give me a look that I used to give my mother, that I still give people, and now I'm seeing it's like looking myself in the mirror and he'll go no, and he'll look at me as if he's waiting for something so that he can respond to it. And then I go, okay, you're right. No, because anything that comes after that statement is a reaction. I don't really give a fuck about right, and it's either I'm provoking something, um, or I'm wanting to start something, or protecting an ego or a power parental.
Speaker 1:I mean, we came from that generation of you know, because I said so, the it's like really, that's not a thing, like it's really. I mean, I understand respect and you know it is a thing, but like I have never. I strive to be that parent. That's never a because I said so, Right, or or I'm going to go do all this shit, but because I tell you not to do it. You're not supposed to do it.
Speaker 2:That's a whole other podcast.
Speaker 1:That's a whole other thing. That's a whole series of a podcast. That's a whole Southern thing. But that's been a big transition for us because that's like Matt and I have had some extreme life changes when our kids became adolescents. Because I don't want to be that parent, you know, I want them to explore and do all the things that we did and I want to be the only one to pick them up. You know I want to be the only one to be like. You know what that sucks, doesn't it Like? That doesn't taste real good coming back up or whatever it is that they're doing. Good kid, so far, Knock on wood.
Speaker 1:Yes, but, and just being in those moments of you know what I want you to explore life, and I'm going to love you unconditionally through it because I don't know if I really, because I don't know if I really.
Speaker 1:I mean, I received it, but I think I also tested a lot of boundaries, which everyone does. So how do you navigate that with your kids? Because you have bonus children, you have biological children, so what has been your biggest kind of pivot in parenting when it comes to this Like setting boundaries, like we talked about, and you mentioning your son, saying no? So how do you not not react to that, having the background of because I feel like most of our generation does, it's like children should be seen and not heard, and because I said so, and because they're an adult, you listen to what they say and it's like they're not making any fucking sense.
Speaker 2:You know, whenever I decided and that's it. Whenever I decided that I was going to be a mother and not a daughter anymore was another earth shattering moment for me in my life. Because my mom was challenging me on some beliefs at the time and I said to her, respectfully it's my turn now. I'm a mom and I have these values and I have things that are important to me and they're different than yours, and I respect that and I honor that. But I'm the mom now and this is my son and these are the values that I want to instill in him. And if you can respect that, then it's always going to be open doors and we're going to be on the same island together. But if you can't, then we're going to have to make some shifts. And in that moment it set me free, because I knew that I was going to be able to be authentic in my parenting and I was going to be able to set those boundaries and I was going to be able to be authentic in my parenting.
Speaker 2:And I was going to be able to set those boundaries and I was going to be able to navigate between my bonus kids and my child. And we go through attachment and releasing attachment and it just came up right now that I said my son and it's an interesting concept when we say they're mine, right, they're my kids and they're mine, well, he's his own. I'm raising a man, I'm not raising a baby.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 2:Same thing with my girls. And you know and it's just so interesting the dynamic. And the first thing I want to say is I had to release attachment with my bonus kids because they have a mother and a father Right. So when we divorced, that was one of the most shocking attachments that I had to work through, because I was so used to having them with me and I was so used to having that time spent. But I can't expect them to go between three homes. That's not okay. So I had to dig deep within myself, I had to be honest about what my choice was and I had to own it. This is what got me here. This is the choice that I made, this is the choice that we've made collectively, and now I have to figure out a new pattern.
Speaker 2:But as far as behavioral stuff, you know, one of the things that I taught Bodhi whenever he was little was your teachers are not always right. Oh no, because he had a teacher that he came home one afternoon and he told me that one of his teachers was yelling at him and he goes. And I said how did that make you feel? And he goes. Honestly, I didn't like it. I didn't like it, mom. It kind of hurt my feelings a little bit, and he said and then I got mad, yeah, because it's embarrassing, yeah, and I said okay. So we had this whole conversation about your teachers are not always right. The adults in your life are not always going to be right. Guess who? That always includes Right, me Exactly. And so it's interesting the dynamic of that lesson, because now, at almost 14 years old, he will say I disagree with you Quite frankly. I think you're wrong. That kid has an exceptional vocabulary too, by the way.
Speaker 2:So when he does these big words with me. He's like I think you're wrong, I am peace and serenity. I am peace and serenity. Okay, tell me what you got. And then I have to check my ego, remove that old belief pattern from many moons ago of I'm right, you're wrong, I'm the parent, you're not, and listen, and actively listen, right, not just looking out or being irritated and trying to be sassy. I have to actively engage with him. Honestly, we're going to get into a fight or hear his heart.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I think that that's something that I know for me, like once I started to listen to my own heart it allowed me to be able to listen to other people's perspectives, their opinions, their values and, just like you said, like going into.
Speaker 1:I want to go back to that conversation with you and your mom. That's a perfect example and I've talked about this on previous podcasts perfect example of having an adult-adult relationship with your parents. I know so many people that still do not have adult adult relationships with their parents. They still allow their adult parents to parent them, then parent their children, and it just becomes this cycle of. I mean it's a blessing now that my mom and I were like sisters growing up and she was like my crazy sister that went off and did crazy things and came back and I was raised by my grandparents. But we've always kind of had an adult. I always felt like the adult in this situation anyway, but we've always had that together. But I've had to work with my grandparents who raised me on having that setting those boundaries of you know what?
Speaker 1:I'm the parent now and that's okay and I'm pretty fortunate they interfere too much. But I see that a lot, especially with females or males that seek approval from their parents. It's like, okay, you didn't get that when you were little, but guess what? You can give that to your children and you can do it for yourself. So when I started working on like what do I want for me Instead of what do I want them to want for me, it shifted everything.
Speaker 2:That question that you just said is an is a huge question for women especially. I mean, I think men too. But yeah, what do I want? What do I want for me? Right, that, in keeping with the topic of ownership and um. So if a person can't figure out what it is that they want, or someone doesn't want to take the time, prioritize the time, to figure out that question, the needle's never going to move. No, Don't you feel that 100%? I mean it's never going to go anywhere. You're going to stay in one spot and you're going to rotate around like a cat chasing its tail. That question is probably the key to evolution.
Speaker 1:It 100% is. And that's what that conversation leads me to, our first conversation. You made me think, because I can sit there and bitch all day long about the things that aren't going right, but what do I want? What do you want?
Speaker 2:What do?
Speaker 1:you want and I'm like, well, right, but what do I want, what do you want, what do you want? And I'm like, well, you know, I just had this new baby and it's like, well, I want to be a mom, but I want to fulfill my purpose. And my purpose isn't just being a mom and like, look at us now. Like it's, it's working, it's no-transcript. I started the relationship and 27, when I got divorced and I was a baby and I had a baby in the middle and she's the most wonderful thing ever. But you know, co-parenting has been no joke, but I really I didn't know what I wanted. That because it was kind of like, whew, this is your situation. And I was like, oh, okay, but this time I felt like I had a choice and I got to choose.
Speaker 2:And just think about how long that process of not knowing what you want has gone on. Right, and, like your friends and people, I have people that still at in their late forties, early fifties, haven't answered that question yet. Right, and I'm like you're you're more than halfway through your life. And if you don't know what you want in your life, in your life as in a relationship or a partnership, in how, how you want to parent, co-parent, where you want to go, if you're going to go to Georgia, do you just go okay, I'm going to get in my vehicle and just drive or do you look at your map and figure out what's the best way to get there? And the other question is how much do you lie to yourself?
Speaker 2:We've had this conversation that broke me wide open, a hundred percent, about, if even I mean something as simple as I'm going to get up and go to the gym in the morning. And if you think about how many times you didn't get up and go to the gym in the morning, even though you told yourself you were going to go to the gym in the morning. You have opened yourself up, you have lied to yourself, you've delivered that lie and you've given yourself permission to be a fucking slob, yep. And then it just repeats itself. And then it's 40 years later. Look at that pattern development. Now it's I'm going to go meet here, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, or I'm okay, or I'm okay, I'm fine.
Speaker 1:That was my biggest one. Everything's fine, everything will be fine. I was not fine, no, I was not fine. Nobody's fine when they say they're fine, no, it's fine when they I hate the word fine actually, unless you're like Ooh, you're looking fine.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's one thing that's different, but and that's just it. Yeah, and it's like that's. That is huge and I actually had this conversation with. I had breakfast with Lauren today after and um, I did this mediumship and, like my dad came through and um this, I see Nadine from Spiritual Healing Arts. She's amazing.
Speaker 1:And she's like you know he is vicariously living through you because you don't tell yourself little white lies. But there was a time period where I did all the time, yeah, like, oh, I'm okay, or this is fine, or this relationship is healthy, or it's going to get better, or I'm happy, I'm happy, or guess what?
Speaker 2:Or I have to be happy.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's like, no, like you are in need of intimacy and connection and all these things, and I think for a long time I just didn't even know what the really was. Yeah, I think we all have to figure out what that means to us because, just like anything else those are, it's different, it's different for every different, it's different for every couple, it's different for every person, and that constantly evolves. Yes, you know, I just feel like it's intimacy and connection now looks very different than it did five years ago and I'm sure it looks very different than it will in five more years. And even with myself, like, what do I like to do in my quiet moments? And when I started living honestly, in my quiet moments I'm not scrolling on my phone, I'm not calling and chit-chatting and gossiping and talking shit Not that I did that a lot, but you can get on the wheel of complaining and victimizing and living that victim mentality of life is happening to me when I started just being like you know what, I'm going to go for a nice walk and I'm going to go to yoga class and I'm going to, I'm going to live my truth of what, where I want to go.
Speaker 1:So, just like you said, like you're not going to go to Georgia without not knowing how to get there. I had to figure out what would get me to peace and like a solid place, which you know solidification depends on the day. I'll just say that. But it's getting there. Like we said before, it's constantly evolving and it's okay to give yourself permission to change it up and shift it.
Speaker 2:I think one of the best takeaways for me with owning your shit is to not lie to yourself anymore. With owning your shit is is to not lie to yourself anymore and for people to understand. I had to really understand. I had to go through and write everything down and this is what one of my therapists during that time said to me. She said go and write down all the lies that you told yourself. I love that.
Speaker 1:I'm like you had us do that exercise.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I still use that with my clients. Um, but I was like, was like, could you give me some clarity on that? Like in the last six months, and she went no child In the last, like forever. I mean, do you know how long the paper was? It was like nine pages. I still have it in that book, I love that. And it was like one-liners Nine pages of notebook paper. You know how many lies that is, but I got into it though. I mean, I'm talking about everything.
Speaker 1:What were the biggest ones? Tell us the biggest ones.
Speaker 2:Let's share, because I'm sure everyone can relate. Well, one of the things was about sex. Yeah, you know about when, something, when you say that something feels good and it doesn't feel good. That was huge for me because I had some things in my youth that I didn't realize had carried through. I can't even believe. I just said that out loud actually, yeah, I didn't realize that it had carried through into my adult life and as I'm coming into 40, now, eight years ago, it was like you know something, this actually doesn't feel good, right? So why do you say that it feels? Why do I say that this feels good when it doesn't fucking feel good, right?
Speaker 1:Inside or outside? Inside or outside, physically or emotionally.
Speaker 2:If you don't know how to use your words and I tell my kids this all the time if you can't converse about what it is that you're doing with the person that you're doing it with verse about what it is that you're doing with the person that you're doing it with. And I say this to my business clients don't do it. If you can't talk about business with your business partner and you can't talk about finances with your business partner and all the things, if you can't talk about sex and if you can't talk about parenting, then don't do it. You have no business doing it. You need to back the fuck up, write a plan down and then press go again. Right. So I applied all of those techniques and that exercise about writing all of these lies by divorce, my own behaviors, the reasons that I was allowing that behavior to keep happening and I don't like the word I don't know or the phrase, but I did have some, I don't knows. And then I took those topics and I put them on a separate piece of paper and whatever topic that was that I wasn't sure about. That's what I started with, because I needed to figure out why. And then I started exploring. Well, okay, where's the lie in here, and do you really not know? Or are you covering up what really hurts you and what you're afraid of and ashamed of and you don't want to say out loud? That's the thing.
Speaker 2:Whenever we separated, I couldn't say the word divorce because there was guilt and shame attached to that word. For me, how I reprogrammed it was that it's an opportunity for me to become a better mother and a better woman, and that's essentially what I started to teach my kids. But for the first 18 months I couldn't say the word divorce. I explored that. Why? What does that shame look like? Where does the guilt come from?
Speaker 2:Where did that come from? For you that the most came from. I thought that I was ruining my kids' lives. I thought that by advocating for myself and realizing that I was, it wasn't going to work. For multiple reasons. Make no mistake I am putting my hand up saying I fucked up. I didn't get there by myself, because he fucked up too. But the biggest was I thought I was ruining my kids' lives by leaving and that I needed to stay. That's a whole other topic, but I needed to stay, but I realized that I couldn't. Other shame and guilt was what I did to get there and my behaviors and this old belief system. There were some things that I was running away from. I was sabotaging certain parts of my relationship because I was terrified about what was underneath the reason of why I was sabotaging it.
Speaker 1:I think that is huge for most people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I had to be honest, because all of that stuff that was fueling those behaviors was real ugly, it was real nasty and there was a lot of lies wrapped in that until I could look myself in the face and say this is what you've done, these are the things that you did to get here and now let's figure out how to change it so that you don't repeat it moving forward. If I had never done that process, I would still be there.
Speaker 1:Right, and if you had never done those things, you wouldn't have had this growth. Exactly that's what I want people to understand and really take from this. Right Is by facing your shit. It might feel icky and sticky and nasty for a little while. Yeah, when you get on the other side of it, it is so freeing because then it's like you don't have shit on me, talking about your own demons, your own shadow work and stuff constantly comes up. My daughter hit 14. Some stuff came up for me. I wrote a lot of 14-year-old crystal letters this past summer because I needed to work through my own stuff.
Speaker 1:So I didn't project my 14-year-old self into her because, you know, I had some weird things happen to me when I was a teenager and for so long I feel like I held shame and guilt and fear and all of this stuff. And going back to like sexuality, it 100,000 percent affected my sexuality because I didn't know what I needed, what I wanted and what felt good to me. I didn't know, I don't think I knew that until I met my current husband and like, until you find like a safe person when it comes to sexuality. Like there's not. It's a game changer. It is like a mind, body, spirit and yeah, it hasn't always been that way. We've had to work to get there for each other. Can we do a sex podcast? Yes, let's do a sex podcast. We're doing a sex podcast coming up soon.
Speaker 2:um, can, can I? Can I just tell you something to that point really quick. I went to a silent retreat last year, seven days in silence, and something that came up in one of the practices that we did there was rape was I was raped, and I think that many, many young women was I was raped.
Speaker 2:And I think that many, many young women, especially in college scenarios, can say that. And do you know what? I used to tell myself what, oh, I was just taken advantage of, I was just drunk. I was just drunk and I shouldn't have been. I put myself in that position. It actually makes me sweat because it's still hard for me to say that I was raped. And until I said that at that silent retreat, crystal, I was 47. That was last year. I remember when you went on that retreat, it took me 40. Well, I mean, I was in college, so I was probably in my early 20s, but it took me over 20 years to be able to come to say that. And I've got like tears are swelling up in the back of my eyes right now. Um, that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:To the topic of owning your shit yeah, because I think as women, we hold that it's a lie we make excuses If you were raped and you say, oh, I was drunk, yes, you were drunk, great Right, but that doesn't give somebody else the fucking the wherewithal to take advantage of you. That's on them. Yeah, you got drunk, you got drunk, fine, but that doesn't mean that somebody puts their hands on you. Um, and just to eve, I wrote it down like to say that, oh, I was taken advantage of the fuck. That's what I'm talking about not lying to yourself, and you know I love this topic of owning your shit as an individual.
Speaker 2:I mean we could talk about it on so many different levels, but I mean I guess, if anybody's listening, when people listen to this and I see you, by the way is that don't lie to yourself about anything say and that you need to say so that you can release the anchors that are in you, so that you can move forward in your own healing process and journey, especially if you have little people in your life Like my girls, if anything ever happened like that to them and I don't and I'm not showing them how to use their words and how to use their voice and how to not lie to themselves and to own their shit, even if it's embarrassing, you have to say it. Yep, now, the Jennifer today, you know, would take that situation very differently than the Jennifer at 20. Right, I'm not going to publicly say what would happen now.
Speaker 1:Right but Stay under the radar.
Speaker 2:It will look a lot different than it did 27 years ago. Absolutely, I was even scared it might. Honestly, if my mom ever listens to this, she's probably going to be shattered because I have never said that to her Right, but you know what I feel like most people can relate to that in some way, shape or form, sadly, I know I can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, florida State for you, florida State, same I mean. But we're even in relationships, like when you're in a relationship and I'm just going to throw it out there and you're not feeling it.
Speaker 2:I just have to hold your hand for just a second, and you do it anyway.
Speaker 1:That's the same stuff. It affects us internally the same way. If you're in a relationship and you're not intimately attracted to that person and you're being sexual with them, anyway, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. It's the same thing and I hate to burst the bubble on that, but I think a lot of people need to hear it. I love you.
Speaker 2:I love you too, and thank you for sharing that because this is the raw truths of life.
Speaker 1:This is the rawness, and the intent for this is because we can all relate to it in some way, shape or form, whether it's something very traumatic or something just like I described, like lack of intimacy in your own marriage or with your spouse or your partner and you're just doing it anyway. Those are the lies and, I think, some of the biggest lies as adults we tell ourselves.
Speaker 2:I agree and I think some of the biggest lies as adults we tell ourselves.
Speaker 1:I agree that we're okay, it's okay and we're fine, everything's fine, and we project and we pretend. And the world of social media is just a whole other.
Speaker 2:That's a whole other thing too.
Speaker 1:It's a whole other thing. It's like we have this pseudo society that we're pretending and this ability to pretend and I just don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:I'm not doing it anymore. No, good for you, and we've all done it. I'm not doing it either.
Speaker 1:No, no, I mean, what you see is what you get, yeah, what you see is what you get, yeah, and I love that. Yeah, me too. And thank you. I mean that's. You know it's deep stuff and I appreciate you sharing your heart and your experiences, because we can always edit it out if you want to A little hot.
Speaker 2:Is there whiskey under this table anywhere?
Speaker 1:But I think that so many people will take a pause and step back and hopefully write their list.
Speaker 2:I hope that they write their list.
Speaker 1:I hope that they write their list. So, if you're listening, your homework and I'm going to do this again. I've done it before, but I'm doing it again because I might have more at this point in time. Oh yeah, you know I might have some creep up that I don't even like. Oh, I love driving to school in the morning, whatever it is in the morning, whatever it is. Yes, I love Disney World. Yeah, do it for the kids. Okay For the kids, but write your list. What is the story you're telling yourself?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And what is reality? Huge, because that was a huge thing for me and I used to even Matt. And I joke we're like, well, the story I'm telling myself is it? It's totally been Matt. And I joke we're like, well, the story I'm telling myself is it's like a whole Brene. Brown thing. Yes, because, it's true. It's like you know he can have a day or whatever, and I'm like well, the story I'm telling myself is you don't want to be around me right now.
Speaker 1:Blah, blah, blah and it's like well, that's not it at all. He just needs his own space and so just owning that and respecting that for other people too, Like if someone says no, accept it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:As a full sentence. It's not always just one way, like be able to receive it too. And that's been the big, that's a big hurdle. That is a big hurdle, you can give it, give it, give it. But being in a place to be able to receive it is a whole different ballgame, and I've had to really work to be there. Because what do you have to do? You have to like you said earlier when you talk about your kids you have to release your ego.
Speaker 1:You have to release that listening to respond and react. You have to actively listen and hear their heart like that nonviolent communication. Have you read that book? So good and you will love it it teaches you to really take a step back and, instead of observing and labeling what the other person is talking about in the conversation, what is bringing alive inside of me? Yes, like what do I need from this? I mean it's been life-changing for me. I'm going to read that. Oh, it's so good.
Speaker 1:I listened to it and I wrote it. I have notes all in it. I scribbled all in it. I love his voice too. He has a really soft voice.
Speaker 2:There's about the needing space, and this was a lie that I was telling myself. I think this is really funny, especially women thinking that just because somebody needs space, like, oh my gosh, what is it about me? Do you not want to be around me, do you not this? Do you not love me, do you?
Speaker 2:love me any less. One of my things now that I had to be really clear on is that I need more alone time than probably any three people that I know, and until I was able to say that out loud and identify that that's what I needed. And I've only really kind of hung out with one person since my divorce, but I've listened to a lot of people talking and I've had friends that I go and have dinner with, but like the other night when I didn't want to be there. But until I was able to get really clear that that's what I need and my needs are just as important as anybody else's needs in any kind of relationship business or personal I was always in these spaces where I was uncomfortable, and then I would go home and I would be mad and frustrated because I allowed myself to be in this space where I was uncomfortable, and then I would go home and I would be mad and frustrated because I allowed myself to be in this space or I let somebody hey, I want to.
Speaker 2:You know, can I come over and see you? Oh, yeah, of course, Come on Now. I'm like, uh, no, you know, I'm not ready for it today and I just need some quiet time. It's like uh, can we go to lunch today? No, how about in four weeks? In four weeks, are you serious? You want to?
Speaker 1:put four weeks.
Speaker 2:Right, but what's wrong with that? Nothing. So now, moving forward in my life, as I'm maybe contemplating possibly dating again, which I'm not sure about yet but I say that I need alone time and I need that honored. I don't want somebody living in my house. If I'm completely transparent, if and when I decide to date again, I need that person to have their own home. Yeah, I don't want to cohabitate, um and I. When I go home, I want to be left alone, right, and I also don't want to go. Oh well, I'm doing this and I'm doing this and I'm doing this today, right? Anyway, it's just, that's a whole other. No, I love it. I had to identify that. That's what I needed. I feel like we need to do a sex and relationships podcast.
Speaker 1:We're going to schedule that for when I get back from Peru.
Speaker 2:We have to schedule that. Let's do that, Because that's going to too Very deep.
Speaker 1:And that's just it and when you know, I feel like it's so interesting. Our relationship has evolved in so many different ways myself and Matt, my husband, when we started honoring each other's space and acknowledging that it's okay to need space. Yeah, you take that Well. At first, we both had to start owning our shit, which means what you have to face, what your codependencies are Right and everyone has them.
Speaker 1:Write your lies down to yourself If you don't if you feel like you, don't have a codependency of some sort and it's attachment Right and, and in the healing journey I've learned healthy detachment and how freeing that is, like you were saying for your kids, like it is, like they're not my kids. You know, I was blessed enough to just birth these beautiful souls into the world. They're not mine anymore than that vase over there is, but I'm responsible for nurturing their spirits. So when you think of it that way, it makes parenting a hell of a lot more pressure. So when you think of it that way, it makes parenting a hell of a lot more pressure.
Speaker 1:I mean it kind of does, it really does. But it's also more of an honor, because what do you get? You get like a chance at reparenting. It's been reparenting myself. It's been, which is huge, right? Not parenting in my relationship with my spouse, which is huge, which is huge Because what do we?
Speaker 1:do it, which is huge, because what do we do? It's like, oh well, you shouldn't wear this, you shouldn't wear this. You're not a mom, like what are we doing to each other? But it goes down to too understanding. Just because you weren't modeled that behavior doesn't mean you can't change it. And it's hard to break, especially if your parents are still living and they're still digging in and you know all the things and it just it comes from all different pressures of society too, and as it is relationships, you know, to what you just said about telling somebody, like your partner, about why you're wearing this and don't wear this and don't do that.
Speaker 2:that talking about, I mean I'm not going to get on the whole masculine like male masculine. I mean I love masculine men, but for me, I have identified what masculinity to me looks like and what makes me feel safe. If somebody grabs me by the arm and tells me to come here, I'm probably going to injure that person extremely like as best as I can it would be.
Speaker 2:That's a hard fucking no, going about your business and we'll talk later or we won't, right? But masculine to me is someone that can cry and that talks to me and that doesn't talk at me, right, and that is strong and like. I mean for me, honestly, take the fucking garbage out, because I don't want to do it. Right, I have no problem with that whole thing. Yeah, I need something built, that's I don't. I don't even like to put together, I don't like to do things with like screws and drills and overstimulating.
Speaker 1:I don't like it. It is overstimulating. I opened a package. I'm like, oh, I have an amazon thing that's been sitting in my living room.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna ship it back. I told bod Bodie I'm like box it up. He said I'll put it together. I'm like nope, I'm tired of looking at it.
Speaker 2:I'm sending it back, but it's just funny. Again, it's like owning your shit, like identifying what it is that you appreciate in your person, male or female, and if you fell in love with that person as they were, if you fell in love with that person as they were, stop. You're not their mom, you're not their dad. Let them be. Let them be masculine, let them be feminine. Bring out those qualities that you love and, to your point earlier, identify in you what it brings up.
Speaker 2:What it brings up. Yeah, because if you're telling somebody else to whatever go, oh shit. This is an opportunity for me to look at myself Right, instead of pointing the finger at them.
Speaker 1:And guess what, when I started to do that, everything started to shift Right.
Speaker 2:I remember the conversations you remember, like you were with us through some of this like big ones.
Speaker 1:But also he had to decide to do it for himself too. It would not have worked if it were just me. No, it never does. He chose to be like I think I need to look at my own shit too. Yeah, and I think I know, and I think I'm going to cry and I think I need to do something else too. Yeah, and it's constant. I mean, we had a heart-to-heart last night.
Speaker 1:It's a busy life Prioritizing, prioritizing, prioritizing each other and prioritizing ourselves, because we can only give so much. You can't pour from an empty cup. That's like old time saying it's so true, you can't, true, you can't. So we both he and I both need alone time. We need our solitude time. I know like I have to take some time for myself before I come home, and in the door we have a four and a half year old. He needs mom and he deserves mom when I walk into that door. So I try to get everything done before I get there, so I'm not the mom on my phone or you know. I have to prioritize those things and I know when Matt walks in the door he's got a lot, a lot of life gone on prior to walking in the door. He needs that walk in the yard when he gets home.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So, you know, keeping Brody busy and doing crafts and just honoring that space for each other, right, and I think, in relationships breaking those codependent patterns of always needing each other or checking in on each other all the time. And there's nothing wrong with I love you and you know, having conversations, but there's a difference when it's coming from a place of codependency and attachment and genuine love, care and concern A hundred percent. And it's been a huge growth process and it still is. You know, things come up, new opportunities arise. I mean, I just went to freaking Italy for 10 days all by myself, which is amazing.
Speaker 2:Which is amazing.
Speaker 1:I mean it came back to freaking hurricanes and pneumonia and whatever. But if you would have told me six years ago that that was going to happen, I would have been like you're a failure.
Speaker 2:There's no way.
Speaker 1:Because we were still in a codependency circle with each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we just didn't know. We didn't know any better. It's like you do the best you can with the tools that you have. We did the best we could with the tools we have. And it makes me look back now and there were times where I would just cycle through. And it's like, you know, we always tried our best and if you can look at life that way and then it's happening for you. I say it all the time. I probably said it on every single freaking podcast I've ever filmed, but it's so.
Speaker 1:I say it all the time, because it's so true, and if you feel like it's not, what is that bringing up inside you?
Speaker 2:Somebody asked me yesterday how often do you check in with yourself, like, how often do you go through these processes that you're talking about or teaching, and I say how often do you do your books as a business client? How often do you do your books? Do you close out every month? Do you close out every quarter? And he said, well, we close out every month, but I don't typically look at them until the end of the quarter. So I said you look at your books every quarter. Yes, do you look at your life, your personal life, every quarter? And he said no, why? Why don't you do that? And then you say, well, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:I asked you the question and I said you're right, but there's the answer. I do mine honestly, just like I do my taxes. Yeah, every quarter I take a minute, which is probably about a day, half a day, and I check in with myself. I go back and I look at these lists, I go back and I add to them and I check in with where am I? Where am I going? What's important to me right now? What's rocking me? Where do I need some help? Do I need outside help? Do I need just what do I need and what am I doing? So I'm going to ask you that question too. All right, how often do you? How often now are you checking in with yourself and then also you two collectively, as a couple? How often are you doing that?
Speaker 1:I would say for me, I'm seasonal, so I would say about quarterly, because I feel like I change with the season. So it's like what do I need in this season? I feel like I'm like an earth girl, like that the moon.
Speaker 1:I will say I'm a big full moon, like what do I need to release? Yeah and new moons? What do I need to release? Yeah and new moons? What do I need? What do I need right now? So honestly, probably monthly in that realm, as far as deep dive into, where am I going? Where is this all taking me? I think that recently, I guess the past year, since I started the whole crystal clear in the podcast, I've kind of just left it open. I'm open to whatever is coming.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to let it flow because I feel like I got into and I have a tendency to be like very, I'm going all in, but you can all in yourself too much, and it's like you're not creating space for opportunities to come in. So I feel like, for that, that's where that's come from and, as far as Matt and I and our relationship goes, that's something like we're going to Peru next week and that's something that we both need to check in. Like we need to check in, yeah, and I would say we probably do that twice a year when we travel together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, but it could be more in-depth. Yes, you know, and again it constantly evolves Like where do we want? It's not just the surface level stuff either, like where are we traveling and what are we doing next? It's like no, it's like what are we going to invest our time and our money in for the next year? And you know, he just actually posed a point to like I think you should invest in your podcast more and have someone else put it out there for you. It's social media wise, right. I'm like let me go to Italy and sit on it.
Speaker 2:I think that's a good idea too, because I don't know if I want to do that.
Speaker 1:And I came back and I'm like let's do it. And so they're doing it. Good, and at first I was like reading I can't do that, I have to set boundaries for myself, to post and ghost and let it go. Yeah, because what's being put out there is meant for other people, it's not meant for me, it's not something that and I think that we get caught up in that with society. It's like it's an ego thing. Our egos get fed. Have you read the four agreements?
Speaker 1:Like, don't take anything personally the good or the bad. Because what? Because what does that do? It's like it feeds your false sense of self. So for Matt and I to get back to your question, I think that we check it and it's a bit different sometimes. We like to take long walks together. That's like our new date thing is, we take long walks and we'll have good conversations and really hearing him and listening to where he's at in his journey and him listening to where I am and then kind of like okay, well, it's great that we have these individual journeys, but how are they going to merge? Like where?
Speaker 1:do we want this to go together Because, yes, it's an individual journey, but you also it can get too separate if you allow it to. So that's why we were kind of like we need this trip, we need to take this time to reevaluate, like, what do we want to do next year, or this year, or right now, or you know, and just kind of take the steps from there, because it also has to kind of have a path, so did you ask that question?
Speaker 2:Was that that? Were those the questions on your last walk that you guys are going to explore when you're on your trip? Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:Well, not last walk, but we've kind of over time. Yeah, Just like, what do we want to do? There's beach properties that are freaking going for a steal right now. Do we want to be super brave and snatch one up and have some sort of fun investment property, or is that freaking crazy? And I'm like I think I need a little while to come off these disaster grant photos to get there, but it could be something fun and nothing that's been in our path so far. So also being open to we're both kind of impulsive like that.
Speaker 2:Like oh, I want to do this.
Speaker 1:And it's like hold on. Sometimes we have to take a step back and allow each other to process through it, and that's been a learning curve too, is being like I'm going to honor your thoughts and your ambition and your impulsivity and let you talk, without being like I don't think so, and just allowing that space for each other and then like how could we make this work? Do we want this to work? Could it work?
Speaker 2:What I think is the most important, too, is that when you ask each other those questions, is that you hold each other accountable because I have to do this too is coming up with the answer Right. So when I ask a question to myself and I was, and I wrote that down about what are you owning right now and is I have a handful of questions that I've asked on, this is primarily pertaining to business, because I've already shelved, I'm not dating, right, so I've got that there. That's under control. Because I've already shelved, I'm not dating, so I've got that there. That's under control. But for business wise, I have asked myself these questions and, just like with you and Matt, you've asked yourself these questions and now, if you leave them open, then they just sit there and then something else happens and then you get more questions that come about that never get answered, and then your list compounds and then, all of a sudden, you're in this like tailspin.
Speaker 2:So I think the most important and I'm really excited for when you get back from Peru to come up with these answers, and maybe that's something that we can share with each other, because I have some questions that I'm going to come up with actually this weekend when I go to Mexico and that's my airplane is I'm going to come up with actually this weekend when I go to Mexico and that's my airplane I'm answering it's like seven questions pertaining to my business that I will have answered. I put a time frame on them for myself. I need them answered by. Wednesday. I love that and for me that really helps me with owning my shit, because I asked the question.
Speaker 1:I put a timeline on the answer and I answer it Right, so you have to answer it. I love that and that would be good for me, because sometimes I'm a little flighty like that. And one thing we've actually popped in when you were explaining that one thing we've started doing annually is writing down. You know, is there somewhere we want to go?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is there things we want to do around the house? Is there like and we just write some kind of like a wish list? Almost of things that we want to get accomplished and then it's like, but what's? Let's prioritize them, like what is doable. What's like? Last year we wanted to take the kids to Europe where you'd never been, which is Switzerland, and you know just little things.
Speaker 1:That, because if you don't prioritize them, you don't write them down then, it's not going to get done, and if you don't budget for them, you don't plan for them, then it becomes a whole other. Like you know, it's just so. We've started doing that just the past couple of years and that's been really helpful. So, but that's the external stuff. I feel like it's great to do more of the internal stuff, like what do we personally need more of which is?
Speaker 2:the most important Right.
Speaker 1:And that's where the intimacy comes in. I put it on my calendar too?
Speaker 2:Do you put it on your calendar, yet Sometimes in?
Speaker 1:my phone. I'll put in. You know like I need to get such and such done by a certain date yeah get such and such done by a certain date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll put a deep dive in my calendar. If I really need to, if I really need to prioritize some quiet time, I will put it in my. I mean, you put your dentist appointment in the calendar. Why not put your? This is what I ask myself. Why not put these times when you need to have some deep dive, clarity and some conversations with yourself and your spirits and your gods and whoever you, whatever you believe in, like schedule that?
Speaker 1:shit.
Speaker 2:I try to do it on.
Speaker 1:Mondays yeah, I do. I do Monday's like my day. Everyone's going back to work and I'm like I'm like a hairstylist, like I need Monday off, like I need Monday time, I need to do my yoga, I need to take a long walk, I need to decompress from the weekend. I really try to prioritize my Mondays as, yes, I'm still working a remote, I can still chime in, but I set parameters around myself. From 7.30 to 10 o'clock, that's my time. Nothing else comes into that time other than dropping the kids off, and that's my time. I don't schedule me, I block my calendar. So that's kind of my way of decompressing from the weekend and knowing I'm getting my mind ready for the week.
Speaker 2:So I think that's that should be our listeners, or your listeners also their homework. Yeah, is the this week right now? Yeah, get your calendar out, yep. Pick some time through the week and carve out two or three hours Yep by yourself. What do you need? Work some shit out and what do you need in that time.
Speaker 1:What do you need? Is it quiet? Is it dancing, Is it cooking? Is it nothing Like?
Speaker 2:whatever that looks like. Is it sex? Is it a tramp? Is it solo? Is it whatever? Yeah, is it snuggles? Right? You need to go eat some popcorn. Right, what some popcorn? I mean, let's just talk about all the real things. Snuggling donkeys right, jen has a donkey yes, there's humor behind that.
Speaker 1:And chickens I've snuggled her chickens. Yeah, oh, good times, so good. I love that. I think that's a good note. I think that's a good note to wrap it up like what write down, what do you need? And we're gonna do that and we're gonna podcast again. We have a sex and relationships podcast coming up.
Speaker 2:So stay tuned.
Speaker 1:A whole other version of Crystal is going to be out there. Are you ready? But it makes it so much fun, we'll put parameters on it. Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 2:Maybe we won't, who cares?
Speaker 1:Maybe we won't, maybe we won't, who knows? Stay tuned. Awesome. Thank you, jen. So much for being here and sharing your heart and sharing this space with me. I love you, I adore you and I'm excited for this again, thank you. I feel like we need like a round table. We need to bring Lauren in. We need to do this again. It'd be so fun.
Speaker 2:It would yes to that. That's happening. That's happening Awesome. I love you, love you.
Speaker 1:Signing off.