Krystel Clear
In this podcast you will experience my unique approach to healing, happiness and following my souls purpose. My intention is to provide a platform that aims to guide and support individuals on their journey towards personal growth, inner healing, spiritual enlightenment or just taking the right steps to reach your highest potential!
My goal is to create a thought provoking, safe and nurturing space for listeners to explore various topics. Healing, self-discovery, mindfulness, wellness, empowerment, accountability, the raw truths of life, love and overcoming everyday obstacles.
I will have my tribe of healing coaches, doctors, colleagues and peers joining me to discuss their journeys in hopes of bringing enlightenment and empowerment to your world.
Life can be messy so let’s talk about that and the worthiness, forgiveness and compassion it takes to face our darkness and shine our light!
I hope this podcast validates your feelings, gives you the permission needed to share your voice, speak your truth and navigate your own journey with strength and perseverance.
**This podcast does not supplement any mental health or medical advice from practitioners. It’s a guiding tool providing resources from my own personal life experiences. The intention is to shed light and love onto the lives of others. You are not alone**
Krystel Clear
What Are You Going To Do About It? With Jen Smith
What happens when your boundaries are crossed, and how do you respond? The raw, unfiltered conversation with returning guest Jennifer Smith of Jen Smith Co Leadership Development dives deep into this question and so much more. From Jennifer's shocking revelation about being drugged at a recent business meeting to honest reflections on showing up unprepared, this episode strips away pretense to examine what authentic living truly requires.
"What are you going to do about it?" emerges as our central theme—a deceptively simple question that shifts us from victim to creator of our own experience. Jennifer shares how even after a traumatic violation of trust, she refused to let it derail her purpose or change how she engages with the world. Instead, she used it as a catalyst for heightened awareness while filing a police report to protect others who might encounter similar situations.
We explore the delicate art of boundary setting in a society that's only recently begun validating this essential practice. Jennifer and I discuss why so many of us struggle to maintain clear boundaries and how learning to say "no" without guilt becomes a transformative act of self-respect. The conversation takes an introspective turn as we examine what it means to be truly "open to receive"—whether it's help, love, or guidance—and how our own unconscious blocks often prevent the very connection and growth we claim to seek.
For listeners wrestling with personal or professional transitions, our discussion of redefining values offers a practical framework for evolution. Jennifer's candid admission about showing up unprepared for an important meeting provides a masterclass in accountability—demonstrating how owning our missteps actually builds trust rather than diminishing it.
Join us for this soul-stirring conversation that will leave you asking powerful questions about where you're going, what you truly want, and how you can show up more authentically in every area of your life. Then share your thoughts with us—we'd love to hear how these insights resonate with your own journey!
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
What's up you guys? Welcome to this episode of Crystal Clear. We have a returning guest on, actually from this season. It's Jen Smith, or Jennifer Smith of Jen Smith Co Leadership Development Consulting. I mean you, really I like to think of you as just an overall like empowerment coach that helps people build things from the inside out and see where they go from there, and our last episode went a little crazy, so it's great to have you back. We hit on a lot of different in-depth, inward personal topics and I think both of us had a lot of people reaching out, especially ladies with permission to own their truth.
Speaker 2:Yes. A lot of people reaching out.
Speaker 1:A lot of people. So I would love to just build on that today and see where it takes us. You know there's a million things that we could talk about, but I think that the importance of you know, last time our topic was essentially owning your shit, which we exposed a lot of ours, and guess what? We got a great response from that. Because what do people want? They want that authentic conversation, an authentic like it is what it is. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know, we've all gone through life and experiences and things that have shaped us and molded us and conditioned us, and we've had to take a step back and take a pause and reevaluate. But a lot of people have yet to take that pause and reevaluate and really ask themselves what do I want and how did I get here? So I'd love for us to just start there.
Speaker 2:I love that, let's dive in. I love that. I love everybody and I do want to acknowledge all of the women who reached out to me, to Crystal, from our last episode and I see you and I had a lot of conversations with a lot of people and it was really wonderful and there were some tears, there were some irritations, there was some anger, but people, some of those episodes, it rocked a few people.
Speaker 1:Including us. Including us. I think we both had some time to process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember calling you going holy shit, like it's out there, it's out there, it's out there. I needed a minute to like decompress from that and all of the things. And you know, just so everybody knows, that still was a learning moment for me. It was a very raw moment and thank you for holding space for that. A hundred percent it was, it was real. Shit got real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shit got real. So to that, as it does when Jen and I are together.
Speaker 2:So okay, here we go. I have something to say. I'm 48 years old and I just recently got drugged. Oh okay, here we go. I have something to say. What's that? I'm 48 years old and I just recently got drugged. Okay, yeah, so I we're not gonna, I don't wanna. It's not a hard and heavy thing, although it did hit me like a ton of bricks once I realized what had happened. But I was in a business setting, in a location that we had had many business meetings and getting something fixed, and I was slipped some drugs into my drink and just barely made it home. What kind of drugs Like?
Speaker 1:roofies yeah, those still exist, I know.
Speaker 2:I didn't even realize that that was still a thing. It was a check moment in my life, Hell yeah because it's not a setting you would have your.
Speaker 1:I mean, we're not, like you know, cover your drink when you leave the bar and don't accept a drink from another person. Stage of life at Florida State anymore, Like what the?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what, the what, yep. So I'm just going to set. I don't really even know what I want to say about it, other than the fact that there are still people that are out there, even in a professional setting, and I actually didn't file a report until just recently, and the only reason that I did is because somebody said what if that was your daughter? A thousand percent. And then I'm like, oh my God, what if that was my daughter? And it's, it's no, it's.
Speaker 2:All that's going to happen now is that, if anything ever happens again with this, particular person it's on file and maybe I can be the one that just stands up and says, yes, I'll do the hard things. But at this stage of my life it really did rock me and I actually had to have a couple of conversations with a few friends of mine and I had to ask them hey, what do you think? This is Like men in my life, every single one. You were drugged.
Speaker 1:You were drugged you were drugged because I was almost denying it. No, well, because we don't want to believe something that would happen with someone that we're interacting in a professional setting with. Right, like we said, it's not your typical situation?
Speaker 2:No, and this particular place was not a place that I would ever imagine that something like that would happen and you're 100% that it was the person you're engaged with, not like the bartender. No, we were sitting at a tall top table. There were only two of us. That is great Anyway.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry that that happened to you. But again, like it's a wake up call for something.
Speaker 2:It's a big wake-up call for something and, honestly, I'm still processing it. I am still processing it. I was shell-shocked, I was really shocked, and a lot of emotion came up with it. However, I guess one of the questions that came up was, well, what are you going to do about it? And I love that question because, well, I'm not going to get into that, but what are you going to do about it? Right, this is such a yummy question.
Speaker 2:From the last time you and I spoke, when different things in life and different situations come up, I mean, I ask my clients now, with certain situations and certain scenarios, what are you going to do about it? This came up, this happened. I'm feeling this way. This emotion is processing and what are you going to do about it? Right, and one of the topics that I that I love getting into the most is to owning your shit is where are you going? Where are you in life? What are you doing? What's your next step? Not letting where you were define where you're going and what are you going to do about it right?
Speaker 1:because I mean, as influential as you are, of a business coach and a leadership you know, cultivator and creator. You have a lot of one-on-one business meetings with men, a lot, and you've now shared previous episode in this one two pretty effing traumatic situations that could have 100% caused you to pump the brakes and shift into a totally different direction. So what are you going to do about it?
Speaker 2:I'm going to keep going, right. I'm not going to let it affect me, right. It affected me emotionally and I worked through it, but I worked through it as soon as I figured out what was going on.
Speaker 1:And you took responsibility for your part and paid it forward to get it on file, just in case you know.
Speaker 2:something like this happens again and I will not let it derail what I'm doing in business or in life. You know, I'm not going to let it deter me from having business meetings with people. I'm not going to let it deter me.
Speaker 2:Might take my drink to the bathroom. Well, you know what the funniest thing is. I didn't order a drink, oh, I said I was all done drinking, oh. Well, you know what the funniest thing is. I didn't order a drink, oh, I said I was all done drinking, oh. And then there was one there waiting for me when I got back oh, so I'm not going to drink that drink.
Speaker 1:That's boundary number one. Hello has crossed Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. So this is, you know, I'm feeling called to talk about this because there's so many sweet, beautiful, vulnerable women, ladies and even men out there that would appreciate. Oh my God, they took it upon themselves to get me a drink when I said I was all done. You said you were all done and they did it anyway. That, my friend, is what Fucked.
Speaker 2:It's not respecting your boundaries.
Speaker 1:It's crossing the line. Yeah, it's crossing the line. And so then you have to ask yourself, or what I would ask myself is what is the intention behind that self? Or what I would ask myself is what is the intention behind that, you know, are you pushing your own shit onto me? Are you in this for my best interest, because I said I was done, or is there some ulterior motive Like what, what is the intention behind that? And that does?
Speaker 1:This doesn't have to be a, you know, a drink situation like we're talking about. This goes for a lot of things in life, like I'm all done with this conversation and people keep going, or I need my space and people keep pushing. I need some fresh air, people following out. I mean, this goes into a whole wormhole of how many times and this is a question I want everyone to reflect on right now how many times in your life have you tried to set a boundary and someone has disrespected it? It's a great question. Then ask yourself because I feel like it's happened to me in my own life Sometimes it's the people that I feel either know I'm serious or like just you know we have to.
Speaker 1:The way I like to think of it is. You have to realize, when people are crossing boundaries like that, I think it's either conscious or subconscious. Like they don't, I don't know. Like are they intentionally doing it or are they doing it out of their own trauma and unconsciousness, in that moment of not being fully aware and fully present, in the moment of being like oh wow, they're serious, but that's their own history, right, right, like so they're probably not used to boundaries, which I think you know we're just now getting to a generation that's giving each other permission to set them, and follow them.
Speaker 2:Very clear ones, yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, boundaries are a big deal, they're huge. And what do we do in situations when people cross them? Like, what is it? How can we keep our strength, our inner, knowing our safety, our security, knowing our boundaries have been crossed? We did not come prepared for this conversation. I didn't premeditate. This is just coming up and coming out.
Speaker 1:It's just coming up and coming out. So bear with us while we talk through this. This is a spot on Like I've. I have responded and even very much reacted in many different ways, because I'll tell you what an easy way to put me in fight or flight is cross my boundaries, you know, or gaslight me when I feel like I've I've set a boundary, and gaslighting happens, which is, you know, flipping it back around to you, like you need mental health, you need this, you need that. It's like, oh, I told you what I needed and you're now telling me what I need, Like I thought I, I thought I, I thought I set a boundary. So I think that's where the people get confused as to what they really are and why is it okay and you hear about this a lot, I think in you know, sarasota community and other communities. Out there is the grooming, like we're grooming, and you know people, we, you know, if you don't know any better, you think someone's being genuine or they're being kind, but it's really just like breaking down your boundaries.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you take that one particular scenario, everything that you just said is wrapped into that one experience. And whenever I said and I drank the drink, which is the reason that I was drugged and I had two or three sips of it and I drank it and I started to not feel very good and I have just enough street smarts in me to know that it was time for me to go home and I just needed to get myself home. I didn't know what I was feeling, but right there it's. I said no, I don't want anything else to drink. Why did I drink the drink?
Speaker 1:So how have you processed?
Speaker 2:through that I have asked myself that question why did you drink the drink Number one? I like whiskey.
Speaker 2:So I drank the drink because I was like, okay, fine, I'll just have a couple of more drinks, but if I let it go deeper which I have a choice I can let that go deep and I can get hung up right there or I can just cut it off.
Speaker 2:At that, I just wanted to drink the drink and then, when I started to feel bad but, to your point, there's a lot wrapped in that it's like I could have said no thank you, which now, moving forward, when that happens, or if that ever happens again, I will 100% say no thank you and I will not take something that I have not asked for, especially from someone that I don't really know, right, um, which is unfortunate because there is a, there are a lot of business colleagues that I have and there are a lot of opportunities to have a lot of different business meetings, and it has made me a lot more cautious and aware. The second one is, when I got to my truck, this person was behind me and I'm not going to say the entire conversation, but it was some form of you need to back up because I'm leaving and I've already said that I'm okay. Now I need you to back up, get away from me and just back up Like what the fuck was the plan?
Speaker 1:What? They're just going to throw you in their vehicle and bring you back to your car the next day. Like I don't get that.
Speaker 2:I don't either.
Speaker 1:I mean, you never understood it, but like, what is the plan here?
Speaker 2:Right, I mean, maybe somebody else can allude to that, but what do you do? You just say I wake up in a strange like, say, I didn't get into my vehicle, and then I go with this person, and then I wake up in a strange home, and then I go with this person, and then I wake up in a strange home. What am I going to say to you? Right, who am I going to call? Am I going to go? Oh, or?
Speaker 1:are you even going to fucking wake up, right, we don't know who this person is. No, I know, and that is the scary thing, and I think, if anything, like we need to be and not like paranoid, but be aware of your situation, your surroundings always. And this obviously has come into your life to bring awareness. Thank goodness you got home and it's not like you live downtown, so I'm glad. I'm glad you made it. You can always call me, by the way.
Speaker 2:I wish I would have called you because I woke up, face down on my lanai oh my God. 11 hours later I didn't make it my lanai, oh my God. 11 hours later, I didn't make it in my house, oh my God, but I did make it to my house. That is terrifying. It is terrifying, and this was just recent. At this age, I mean, I feel pretty good and pretty confident about my surroundings and where I go, I pay attention.
Speaker 1:Woman too. Like I would feel like you give off more masculine energy in a situation like that than you do like. Oh, I'm a little vulnerable female. That's not you Like, if you know, jen you know, like she's especially in a business meeting, Like she's not going to come in, like I didn't come in doing this, like no, she's not flipping her hair doing this. Like no, she's not flipping her hair, no. First of all, that's ballsy as shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really is. It really is. So the awareness part is totally focus all the time on what you're doing, never lose sight of why you are where you are Right. So I went there for a business meeting and that is what I needed to focus on. And yeah, I like to have an old fashioned you know every now and then if I'm at a business, if I'm at a business meeting or something. But anyway, I think it was the awareness factor for me, because I am traveling internationally, I'm traveling in different states, and it was just a check. It was a check and balance to say, hey, wake up, you didn't want to play small. This is what you asked for. Now we've got you here. Stop screwing around. I don't want to play small and I don't also want to be taken in a—I don't want to be seen in a different light when I come to the table at these meetings. It's already challenging enough for women to have these very strong and powerful positions. I feel like I was mixing the sand too much.
Speaker 1:Well, if anything it taught you not to do that Right. And so now you have a better business plan going forward. We have reevaluated our ethics.
Speaker 2:But I think the biggest is just knowing where you're going and what you're doing, right.
Speaker 1:And then, when you get there, what are you going?
Speaker 2:to do and why? Right, did you come to play house, did you come to show up and make moves? Right, and I came to show up and make moves, so there's no more of that.
Speaker 1:Good for you, yeah, good for you. And thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing Again, sharing another vulnerable situation, real life event, that is going to plant the seed and bring awareness to our listeners, and that's what we need. Because you know what? I guarantee there's someone listening that's had a similar situation. Maybe it's not that extreme or maybe they didn't make it home Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:You know, and that's the intention and the why behind all of this is to plant the seeds, to bring the awareness, not to you know, dwell on it and overanalyze and all the other things, but just to have that awareness. Where are you going, what are you doing and why?
Speaker 2:And not to let things that have happened define you 100%. Not let them define who you are and who you're going to be moving forward. Process them, get real with them, like we talked about the last time, own them and just step outside of that circle of. This is what happened, but this is not who I am. This is not who I have to be moving forward.
Speaker 1:Right. And coming back to yourself, I think is huge. Like you know, when something does happen, whether it's small or large, whether it's positive or negative, if we're judging it positive or negative. Sometimes I think that we go about our lives like seeking, like you know, we say we're not judging, but it's like we're all constantly judging Is it positive, is it negative? Like, why does it have to be either? Why can't it just be what it is Right? And so my husband and I have these conversations all the time.
Speaker 1:It's, like you know, people say good morning. It's like well, maybe I haven't had a good morning, why are you trying to force your good shit on me? Like, maybe I'm just having a morning. So that's why I'm always like hello, morning sunshine. I didn't even realize I said it that way, but it's like it's interesting that we live in a society that we're always and it's totally, I think, subconscious we want to be on the side of the positive spectrum, we don't want to be on the negative side of the spectrum. But really to be in that neutral zone is kind of where it's at, that's where the peace, that's where the acceptance, that's where the like okay, I'm here, I'm showing up, I'm doing my thing, like we're not always going to get the accolades and the certificates and all the things, but it's what really, I think, forces you to connect to your why is when we can disconnect from the external validation.
Speaker 2:Totally. I had somebody the other day. You know the comment is it work in silence, play. There's like a three line little thing that says build things in silence. Not everything always has to be out in the world. It doesn't always have to be public To your point. You can be in this neutral space where you're doing things and you're processing things. I had somebody ask me the other day I had no idea that you were doing any kind of project management or development and things like that. Why did I not know that? I'm like it's been three years. And he said well, why didn't I know that? And I was like do I have to put something on the back of my head every single day that says this is what I'm doing and this is what I'm working on, this is what I'm processing, this is what I'm feeling?
Speaker 1:That's right. You didn't know, because I'm working on it.
Speaker 2:I'm working on it.
Speaker 1:I'm doing it, I'm immersed in it, instead of seeking validation and putting it out there. We're so conditioned these days to share all our shit, everything, and can we just stop for a minute?
Speaker 2:I don't need permission. No, I don't need a plan, I don't need your guidance. If I needed guidance, I'll ask for it, right, but yeah, you're right, it just.
Speaker 1:And there's nothing wrong with sharing it. There is not. But I think the question goes with why? Why do you feel the need to project all the intimate scenarios of your life out to the world? Anybody? I want to know, I want people to comment why, why are you doing that? And if you don't know, why? Take a minute to ponder it? You know, and I've learned so much from what I share, what I don't share, what I'm doing, what I'm not doing, and realizing more that you get that external, the external feedback, the more it clogs your inner knowing Right. So when you're constantly taking in stimulus from the outside, it really inhibits your ability to feel from the inside, because you're conditioned by what's coming in and you lose the authenticity of what's already there. And for me that's been a huge self-awareness journey.
Speaker 2:Huge discovery, yeah, getting comfortable in those silent moments and processing and thinking and feeling and not putting it all on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean when you and I met, I was in the thick of the healing, the rewiring my brain, the rewiring my marriage, the reconnection to myself journey, and that was a good two to three year process. I didn't come out and start talking about it until a good year and a half after it was happening. I mean some of it. Obviously it's all happening as we go right. But when we met, when we connected, it was in a retreat setting where we were processing, we were digging deep, we were asking these types of questions. It was very much behind the scenes and so that's because at that point I was seeking that. I was seeking like I need to reevaluate. But the whole intention behind doing it now and sharing it is because there's people out there seeking it and they don't know where to grasp that from.
Speaker 1:You know, just like you talked about in the last episode, when you went through it all, you weren't putting in like you had to dig deep. You went in Like you have to go inward to put things out. It was years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was years. Yeah, it was years. Just like you, nobody even knew that I had left my marriage and that we were working on that. We were even separated.
Speaker 1:Right and guess what they're not supposed to no.
Speaker 2:Because, it's intimate Right. There are some intimate details that really just need to be kept at bay. They need to be kept at home.
Speaker 1:Now, that's not to say that you're not talking about it with your therapist and your coach, oh yeah, or whatever, and maybe it's part of your processing that you do want to put some stuff out there, but just know that the more that's out there, the more that's out there. So that means the more energy that's connected, the more perception there is around it and you don't need any of that stuff when you're in the thick of it and you're truly trying to find yourself. No one else is one of my favorite quotes. No one else's opinion of you matters. No, it's none of your business. It's none of your business. No one else. Like everyone else's opinion of you is none of your business.
Speaker 1:And when I could really truly accept and own that, it was like oh, wow, and I still have to reel myself back in on it. You know you still have to. It's constant reeling back in. And you know you have teenagers. You've watched them go through the ebbs and flows of all of this and it's so hard to be surrounded by. I think it's challenging for me and it gives me great opportunity Good words To be surrounded by others seeking the external, because I just want to be like gosh. If you only knew what it feels like to go inside. But I do. I approach it with a you know what I'm sending them love and light and something will happen that will shift that and it's happened to all of us. Right, it had to happen for me and it had to happen for you. I'm sure it will continue to happen 50,000 more times in my lifetime, on different topics and variations, and whatever it may be may not be as big of a life shift, but like small shifts, like your experience you had earlier, yeah, or?
Speaker 2:that you shared earlier. Yeah, on a completely similar topic. But how about showing up? Like, like, how we show up, how we show up? I had an example that I shared with you earlier about not being as prepared for a particular meeting that I needed to be, and it's interesting because I got called on it not outwardly the woman at the meeting didn't call me on it, but she dropped some you know little innuendos. She asked me a couple of questions that I had to repeat myself, but I did not show up to this particular meeting the way that I needed to.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm getting all of these little universal messages, and I know what it is. It's a level up moment. I am having an opportunity to level up again, and in order for me to do that, I have got to get crystal clear on. That was not intentional either. I know. I love it when it comes out, though I have to get crystal clear on what it is that I want, and this was a reminder today. Again, if you want to run with the big dogs, prior planning we have to show up. How do you want to show up? How do you want to show up in the world? How do you want to show up in love? How do you want to show up in marriage? How do you want to show up in the world? How do you want to show up in love? How do you want to show up in marriage? How do you want to show up in business? How do you want to show up for your kids? How do you want, spiritually, everything, physically, romantically, right? How do you want to show up? And, man, am I getting tested?
Speaker 1:I am literally getting tested, but all of these tests are helping you figure that out Totally.
Speaker 1:Because, you know, I think you and I are similar in the way that we're like I'm showing up as me, I'm winging it, I'm free spirit, I'm showing up as me, and then it's like, oh okay, I need a little bit more me in that one.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, because sometimes and you know, I'm hearing what you're saying and it's like sometimes you show up and it's like, well, that wasn't the best representation of what I could have been in that moment and I know myself better. But then again it goes back to what was this other person's expectation, other person's expectation, and why wasn't that more clearly expressed? Because I much rather show up as me than like that super over prepared kind of a little bit farther than something I really am, and then have the opportunity to be like you know what I wasn. I wasn't quite prepared as much as I realize now, going into this, that I want to do a little bit more. So can we continue this conversation or can we carry this out in a different way? Because I've reevaluated my approach a little bit and I want to revisit it.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, the meeting was definitely saved. Yeah, for sure, and I did. I was asked one question, put on the spot, and I said that is a very good question and I did not come prepared. However, if you give me about 30 seconds and let me dig in, I will have an answer for you. And she the other woman did say We'll have an answer for you. And the other woman did say wow, that's bold, take your 30 seconds. She wasn't expecting that and I did. I just sat for just a minute. I went to use the restroom, I came back and I answered the question, but to your point, I had to have the backbone to dig that out and say I just need one minute, but I'm going to get it together.
Speaker 2:And then, of course, I went outside and screamed in my truck when I went outside and I'm like I was really frustrated with myself, honestly, but I did come in a little bit, not quite as businessy as I needed to, but I learned and it was an opportunity again, another opportunity to know where I was going, know what I wanted out of that situation, and this can be applied to everything what do you want? What do you want Right?
Speaker 1:We talked about that a little bit the last time, right, and how do you want?
Speaker 2:to get there and how do you want to get there. And you don't always have to know exactly the plan of how you're going to get there, but you do have to know what you want, right? You agree?
Speaker 1:Yeah, a hundred percent, and I think what you just explained to me you gave the ladies in the room permission to take a minute. You know like you still showed up as you because you're like I need a minute. You could have bullshit your way through whatever they asked you, but it wouldn't have been heartfelt, intentional conversation if it just impulsively came out of your mouth. You took a minute, you evaluated, you screamed, you do whatever the hell you needed to do to bring your real self back with the answer and that is what we're talking about yes, yes, giving yourself a minute or even just being like you know what, I'm not even prepared for this today.
Speaker 1:Can we reschedule, like, what is the harm in that? And I think that people would be like, oh, oh, you know, I mean, it's ballsy. Other than like, oh, my God, thank you for this opportunity. I was like you know what. I didn't show up the way I wanted to show up today. I'd love to do another lunch, or I'd love to do, you know, it doesn't even be this situation. This is anything in life, this is any conversation, even something you're conversations you have with yourself. Sometimes we're not prepared for the way we're answering. Or are we impulsively? Are we answering from a place of condition and impulse, or are we answering and responding from a place of compassion and authenticity?
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that. Relationships is a good one, for that, 100%. I mean, how many times have you been in a conversation and said we have to stop. Wait a minute, we need to stop, we need to regroup, or the complete polar opposite? You don't say that.
Speaker 1:And it keeps escalating and things get sad. And we just had a situation not long ago about that. But guess what, when we came back around and we owned our stuff and we had the intentional conversation of in that moment I wasn't my best self, but I heard you and I'm going to show up differently. That is where the true connection comes in. Whether it's your relationship with your partner or your children or yourself, or whoever it is in your life, the ability to own it.
Speaker 1:Accountability for me is the avenue towards trust and respect. Like, it's really hard for me to trust and respect when there's the accountability is not there. I think that's probably broad range for most people, but you might not even know what that looks like Like some of us aren't even surrounded by accountability, so we don't even know what it looks like. Sadly, I think we live in this society where, like, gaslighting is normal and flipping the switch and well, what about you? And it's like, well, we weren't talking about. You know what I mean. Like in that type of I feel like those types of conversations are brushed under the rug. We talked about this before, but having that ownership of, hmm, I wasn't actively listening, I was responding to you impulsively in that moment. I wasn't listening, I wasn't hearing. There's a difference in listening. There's a difference in hearing what someone's saying.
Speaker 2:Reacting and responding.
Speaker 1:Yes exactly. And even to ourselves. You know, when it gets into the self-sabotage conversations we have with ourselves, it's like really Like, yeah, like you totally. If you had this meeting right before this, you could have totally been like Crystal, I'm done, I'm not. You could have self-sabotage yourself the rest of the day, giving yourself the run through of what you could have done differently, but you didn't. No, you showed up, you were showing up with intention, with purpose, and you're sharing that to give people permission to do the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not easy to be in those situations. Oh God, no, I mean, it really isn't. It's nobody's fault, but my own. It really is. That's owning my part of it is. I was this was set up for me to show up as my best self, and I did not put the preparatory work in to show up as the person that I am working toward becoming. That's the key, and that just came to me right now, is that I this is a next level opportunity for me and I've been doing the necessary steps to get to this point, and I didn't show up the way that Jennifer next year needed to show up today, so how would she have shown up?
Speaker 2:up today. So how would she have shown up? She would have had a complete presentation put together that could have been handed over to the person that I was meeting with. Instead of the conversation piece, I would have had a full-on presentation put together with all of the questions, honestly, that I knew were going to be asked, and I didn't have it. I was anticipating that the conversation would be enough, and the level that I'm trying to achieve required me to go do that extra step, and I didn't do it. I won't fucking do it again. And there we go, friends, we're learning, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean it actually makes me hot thinking about it, it makes me angry, it makes me upset with myself and to owning that. I could blame the person that set the meeting up. I could blame this person. I could blame other people. I could try to find that set the meeting up. I could blame this person. I could blame other people.
Speaker 2:I could try to find blame in the weather, there are excuses as to why you didn't, and the time and all the things, but you're owning it, I am owning it and I know that if there's something that I want, I am going to have to put forth the effort and the work in order to achieve it, because nobody else is doing it, because nobody else wants it.
Speaker 1:I want it.
Speaker 2:I mean, other people do want it, but I'm going to get it, love it, which is a really fun topic. I talk about this with my clients all the time is we talked about this the last time is that one question of what do you want, in anything Like what do you want? And I challenge people and invite people to write that down today, right, in different categories. In different categories.
Speaker 1:Because it's like what do you want relationally? What do you want relationally? What do you want inward, like emotionally? What do you want physically? What do you want tangibly sexually? Yes, all the things. Spiritually. Yes, parentally, and what step parental, I think. So parental, parentalish, um so, and it's a fun exercise actually, I have a ladies retreat coming up on thursday. I might do this.
Speaker 1:It's like a soul retrieval retreat but, and making that list and just keeping in mind, every day, are you doing one little thing and maybe you don't cover it all in one day, but ideally you would. Would Like if it's relational, like are you having the appropriate conversations and giving the appropriate attention to what needs attention? You know, parental? Are you giving that intentional time? Are you allowing yourself to be okay, this is a big one we're all going to resonate with. Are you allowing yourself to be open to receive? Ding, ding, ding? That's a big one. It is a big one Because we can want all day long, but if we have a block in here that's preventing us from receiving what it is that we really need and want. We're our own worst enemy. And so getting to the place or the person or the coach, or the therapy or the workout or whatever it is, that's fueling what you want, but also keeping in mind you have to stay open to receive it.
Speaker 1:Because that I think was my biggest obstacle throughout a lot of things in life is I was going and I was driven and I was doing all these things, but I was still so wound tight from being the strong one and not allowing myself to get in this nitty, gritty, dirty, vulnerable place to be open, to receive what I truly needed from myself and from others. I was in my own way, and that's huge, because most of us are Even like you know. An easy thing is mom guilt Okay. We all say oh yeah, but are you willing to allow yourself to go out of town and truly be out of town, knowing your kids are safe and sound and taken care of? Are you going to guilt trip yourself the whole time you're there? Because if you're going to go and do that, don't even freaking go, save your money Like I just talked to me.
Speaker 2:You do save your money, yes.
Speaker 1:You know or whatever it is like a girl's trip or you know whatever it is. You have going on, and that's just an easy example. But why do we because we all do it at times put ourselves in situations where we're going through. We're doing everything we feel like is right, except for allowing ourselves to be open to receive or even asking for help. Without the guilt Are we asking for help? Asking for help is beneficial, we know that. But if you're not being open to receive the help, it's not going to work.
Speaker 2:I've sabotaged so many things in my life prior to eight years ago because I was not open to receive.
Speaker 1:One of them is love.
Speaker 2:I was not open to receive love and I did a very beautiful dance around commitment and many, many different things to push that away because I didn't want to get hurt. And then it just. And then one day I stepped on the wrong board and it split me in half and I realized that I can learn and I can talk and I can go through the motions. But until I was ready and until I did the work to even understand how to be open to receive certain things love in that instance it was never going to work. I could learn everything, I could read all the books, I could listen to all the podcasts, I could go to all the retreats, but until I figured out the combination to unlock my that we it's not intentional, no one's like intentionally like well, maybe some people blocking out the world, but, or, or that person, or this thing, or this relationship, or this goal or whatever it is we're seeking.
Speaker 1:There's a level of something there. So my question is what is your something there, and is that in one avenue of your life, or is that in multiple? And I think a lot of it comes down to that fear of rejection, oh God, or fear in general.
Speaker 2:Fear in general. Fear in general yes, in general. Like fear in general. What if? Fear in general, yes, in general, like fear in general.
Speaker 1:What if? Yeah, but what if. What if? But what if? What if it fucking works? Yay, like what if? What if you step into this next zone? Right, and everything's okay.
Speaker 2:And everything's okay Once I realized that I could be open to love. I've fallen in love, right. I mean I'm not actively in a relationship right now, but I have fallen in love. I have felt what it feels like to be in love again. I can love again, and now I just want to love all the time and if I have those feelings for somebody, I will say I love you to someone, right, without any expectation of what's going to come on the return. Me saying that to this person or any person, or to you or to whoever. That's because I'm open. I am open to bring it back. But I'm also very giving and I want love, and you know as well as I do. If you want it, you have to give it, and that reciprocal relationship starts to open up so many other pathways. I wrote down the word redefine, and that is what I have done so much since growing up in the South is redefine.
Speaker 1:We're from very similar backgrounds. Yes, we are.
Speaker 2:And I'm writing. I wrote a book and the transcript not the transcript, the manuscript has been sitting on my bookshelf for about two years because I didn't like the way that it came out, and I've just revisited that and I'm rewriting it right now. And one of the things that I worked on this morning was redefining the values that I had at a certain part of my life and then understanding why they're not my values now and what my values are currently moving forward. And I have redefined so much, as I know you have, and how liberating it is to be able to look at something or a time period in your life and go. I actually don't want that. I don't want that. I want to reprogram it, redefine it, and this is actually what I want and this is what I believe and I'm going to go that way with it. How liberating and how amazing. I mean, there were a lot of things that served me when I was in Tallahassee, but, man, there were a lot of things that didn't.
Speaker 1:But knowing, too, and having the self-awareness to know you did the best you could, totally, with what you had 100%, and that, I think, is huge within this growth journey, whether it's reflecting on, you know, childhood stuff or adolescent stuff. Like people surrounding you, I do, truly.
Speaker 1:I'm one of those people that truly like to believe that people are, we're, a product of our everything environment environment and conditioning and all of the things, and we're really doing the best we can with the tools we have. And then it gives you that level of compassion of wow, I really I didn't have very many tools and that's okay. I have much more tools in my toolbox and my toolbox is wide open. I'm accepting all the tools, all the things, all the little bits and bolts and hammers and screws and circular saws, whatever. But having that awareness and I think that that's something coming from you know, even talking about like past traumas or situations like that knowing what really matters is that you are open to gaining more tools. Yeah, and really it really boils down to that being open to receive, to reevaluate, having the curiosity to change things up when it doesn't quite feel right, and then when you have that tool though using it.
Speaker 1:Right, right, you can't just push it in the back of the toolbox for later. No, you can't.
Speaker 2:I mean you can, but it's not, you're not going to go forward, right Right, you can't just push it in the back of the toolbox for later. No, you can't, I mean you can, but it's not, you're not going to go forward Right, right. So it's when you get those tools, when you know better, do better.
Speaker 1:Well, like we said, you can do all the workshops, you can listen to all the podcasts, you can do all the meditation classes, but if you're in yoga and breath work and you're thinking about your grocery list or what you're doing next, you're not submersed. I mean, we've all been there. Don't get me wrong. It depends on the day. That's why we're doing it. If you're in breathwork and you're in the class, four seconds, it's better than you were before you walked in. But you know what I mean. It's surrounding yourself and knowing it takes practice. You don't go out for your first run and run 26.2 miles, like. That's not the way it works. You have to build these skills and it's a building block and it's setting the foundation for something greater to give you those tools to show up for yourself in whatever way it is you desire. I've never met someone that's like I'm going to show up for myself, shitty today, like no one thinks that way. No, I wouldn't think so?
Speaker 2:I would hope not. Yeah, and also stretching too. Yeah, you know, stretching beyond your borders Right, and that's been a big thing for me always is right when I feel like I go, I like to go, go and relax for a minute, but I'm also going. Well, wait a minute, this is way comfortable. It's not that I always need to be stretching myself, but I do always want to be learning and growing. I do always want to be learning and growing, and I want to know that I can be a little bit better today than I was yesterday. I can show up a little bit differently today than I was yesterday, and so that has been a big thing for me is to keep learning and keep stretching beyond my borders. Sometimes I'm like okay, just stop, I don't need any more help, I don't need any more lessons today, I want a timeout. Hit the pause button back, the fuck up, and that's okay too. And that's okay too, it is fun Now. I mean I think we talked about this last time too it's like now.
Speaker 1:It's like come on, bring it on just bring it on well, and it sounds like you're getting a lot brought on. Oh my gosh. Careful what you wish for well, and that's just it. Where you set your intentions, you're opening doors and you're allowing things to flow. So, again, be prepared and open to receive, whether it's, you know, receiving that I need to reevaluate, I need to rediscover, I need to. Maybe it's not what I want after all, and that's okay too.
Speaker 1:You might think you want something big and grand, but then sometimes it's like well, maybe I want to be somewhere in the middle. I don't quite want to be here, but that's too much. I've had to do this for myself. You're creating a business and creating this podcast and all these other things going on. That means I've had to shift and reevaluate other things in my life that were once way more up here and now they're a little bit more right here, because, guess what? We have a kid going to college. So now family is rising for me, which is interesting because I'm in a sixth year. So that intentional time, knowing it goes by really fast and other things are just kind of. I'm balancing the other shifts but making sure I spend that intentional time.
Speaker 1:Even March, I took the whole month off of podcasting and stuff because I just I needed the time and the space in my mind and my body and my spirit at a lot of external events and a lot of kids stuff going on. I knew that if I came in here to film I wouldn't have showed up the way I needed and wanted to, not with the intention that I had when I started this. So guess what, taking a break, who cared? I didn't, you guys didn't Like hello, I'm back. It's really, at the end of the day, it's not a big deal. No, I could have, and probably in previous lives of my own would have been like oh my God, I can't believe I'm failing this or it's going to load, I don't care. I mean, I think another joy of that is I don't ever look at like my views or likes or you know, whatever, I'm not doing it for that.
Speaker 1:Right. So it's just different for me, which nothing wrong if you do, but I just don't have the capacity for all that. But knowing that I had to shift and I had to reevaluate, and that's the way I showed up for myself in a way, and guess what? I felt super fulfilled and I'm, you know, filming at least once a week, you know releasing every other, and so it's just. It's just a small example of ways you can shift and pivot when you feel like you need to recalibrate, and I think that that's really along with redefining, is recalibrating.
Speaker 1:You know, you get your tires changed. What's the first thing they do? They like rotate them, they read, they make sure they're in alignment, right. So you can't bring all this new stuff in without realigning yourself and taking I mean you can, but it's a shit show way to happen Don't recommend it, don't recommend it. Done it, don't recommend it. And sometimes you know you're in your flow and things keep coming and coming and coming and next thing you know you're like oh my God, I have the flu. Well, did you take time to reevaluate? Because, whether you like it or not, the universe will set you free with it. Yes, it will. It will force you into what you need, whether that's rest, whether that's, you know, revamping, recalibration.
Speaker 2:Slow down to speed up Right. Sometimes calibration Slow down to speed up Right. Sometimes you have to Right.
Speaker 1:You got to hit the brakes for just a minute, yeah, or just pump them, yeah. For example, like you knew it, because you know me, I had a podcast I filmed before this. It's like you need some sunshine.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I do. I'm going to go change my jacket and I'm going outside and I'm going to sit and let the sun soak in my being and take a few breaths and I'm recalibrating, because it's a completely different topic. It's a completely different energy, completely different person. We need that permission to do that for ourselves because there's so many times we go through life and we don't take that pause and what happens? We dump one thing into the other and then we end up. You know, if you mix primary colors, you get all these beautiful colors, but if you you mix them all together, you get a pile of shit. Color brown, like it's a perfect example. If you mix too many things together, it's gonna look like shit and feel like shit.
Speaker 1:You're so right yeah, yeah, nobody wants shit brown no one wants shit, brown I mean, and I like a good neutral, but it's not what we're talking about here.
Speaker 2:You know there was a. There was a woman not too long ago and you not what we're talking about here. You know there was a. There was a woman not too long ago, and you know who I'm talking about. Um, that, to that point to like, sometimes you have to slow down to speed up and sometimes you need to get shaken up to explode. You know, sometimes you need a good shake. I feel like that's what's happening to me, right now so.
Speaker 2:I'm getting a little bit of a shake. But there's a woman, a mutual friend of ours, that needed a little bit of shake up in her business, redefine what she wanted her business to look like. She needed to know where she was going. She needed to understand what in the hell she wanted. She needed to know how she wanted to show up. If this is the name of the business, does it fit where she wants it to be? You know who I'm talking about. And and ironically not ironically but intentionally that she did all of those things and she and I shook her up a lot and now it looks like she's coming out of it with a brand new business plan. She knows she's got a much better idea of where she's going. So I just I like that yin to the yang that sometimes you have to slow down and sometimes you need something. You need that shake up in your life so that you can go, and I think that's such a beautiful synergy.
Speaker 1:And it's the perfect example of what we're talking about, because sometimes and I'm one of these people I have the creative fun doing impulsive side of me that just like I'm going to do all of this, then I need someone like Jen to help me reel in the logistics you know like, because the organization detail part is not my strong suit, you know. So I need to stay open to receive that guidance and that help. And that stay open to receive that guidance and that help and that you know the collaboration that comes along with creating and building something especially from the ground up, and there's beauty in that.
Speaker 1:And again it goes back to being open to receive it, because she didn't have to switch things up, she didn't have to listen to you.
Speaker 1:But to be in a place where you're open to receive it speaks volumes and trusting the process and not like well, this isn't what I set my expectation, this is what I wanted. Well, it's okay. You might get something beautiful out of something you don't want at all. You never knew it was supposed to happen that way and that's okay. And I think that's where it comes the greatest reward, in those surprising moments. And guess what? Look at it this way.
Speaker 2:It's so funny too, because she said, well, I can't do this, I don't know that I can afford to do this and I don't know that I'm going to be able to continue doing this with you. And I'm like, honey, it's taken care of. You've got two people who are going to look after you right now through this process, who just love you and who want you to be okay. It's going to make me cry, I know. And then in that moment, like you're saying, being open to receive, she had, in that split second moment, when I was talking to her, she wanted to push back a little bit and then she just said okay, I'll take it, I'll take it and beautiful things are coming.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she gave me a hug. Well, you did give the best hugs we have conversations. Jen gives the best hugs and now there's beautiful things happening with her, and I think that is such a wonderful example of bringing all of this together, and all of those skill sets work synergistically together 100% they work in unison and sometimes you're going really fast, sometimes you have to slow down, sometimes you have to fall over.
Speaker 2:It's pinging back to the beginning is what are you going to do about every single one of those scenarios when it comes up? Right, what are you going to do when you fall down? What are you going to do when you go? I just need to rest. I need to stop for a minute. Are you going to listen? Are you going to ask for help? Are you going to ask the questions that you need to help? I mean to get the help. Are you going to be open to receive the help when it comes knocking on your door?
Speaker 1:And I truly believe that we will be willing to accept it when it's supposed to happen, because sometimes I mean, we live in the world where advice is everywhere right we absorb stuff from all over the place which is too much. So it's when something is supposed to be in alignment, trusting the feeling, like the internal feeling, not the external validation stuff like we were talking about earlier the internal feeling of does this feel right? And our particular friend knew that this felt right. She just had to really go through some self-discovery phase of okay, well, maybe it needs to shift from this to this for now and maybe it could shift into something else. And but being open to receive and not being stuck into you know, the, the like expectation, part of it. Right Speaks volumes, right and um.
Speaker 2:I'm so proud of her, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, me too. And if we were to leave our guests with a cliffhanger of self-discovery today, what would it be?
Speaker 2:Don't slip into what the comfort was. Keep pushing through the uncomfortable feelings, but don't go back to what was comfortable Right. Don't go back to a time where this felt safe, this felt comfortable. The things that you don't know, the things that you don't understand, the behaviors you're not clear on, I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. Don't go back into that level of comfort. Go forward, push through it, keep going to figure out who you are and figure out what you want and ask for help. Be open to receive, be open to receive the help and then do what it takes to keep going and to make things happen.
Speaker 1:And create community around that 100%.
Speaker 2:We have so many wonderful people in our community, right, so many.
Speaker 1:There's so much coaching. There's so much coaching, there's so much you know out there to help you. You know, if you are stuck in a rut, I mean comment on this and I'm happy to help provide you the resources that I feel might work for your situation. I mean, that's the whole point of this. I'm not doing all this for my own coaching clients Love you all. I don't have the space and time to coach everyone one-on-one, but I love to provide some resources because that's what community is.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:And everything's different, like what serves me. This week is going to be different than next week and was different than last week.
Speaker 1:I might need a little bit more of something this week than next week. I might need something totally different. So, being open and just having that self-awareness and making time to go inward to truly discover what that is, just take a few moments for yourself. It could be on the freaking toilet, which we all do every day, so there's no excuse not to do this. Just take a minute, take a breath and just go inward, self-reflect. What is it I need? Where do I need to be going? What feels right for me today? 100%?
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:I love you. It's always a pleasure. I don't know why it always goes by so fast it does go fast. Holy shit, we're going to have a whole series with Jen, okay, but thank you again for being here. She'll definitely be back. I feel like we need to do like a four lady round table, which could probably get a little loud and crazy. We'll probably have to block off a couple hours for that we're doing.
Speaker 2:It, we're doing it Um.
Speaker 1:Thank you again, jen. Um Jen Smith co or jensmithco. Yes, yeah, jensmithcom. Um, if you're in the business leadership development coaching retreats all the things so thanks again, love you, love you. That's a wrap.