My Journey to Self Leadership

Andrea shares her backstory and the inner work that took her from social services and burnout to leading with more self-trust as a founder. She'll connect childhood conditioning, values, and identity to the real skills it takes to scale a business without letting your inner critic run the show. 

• “moderately healed” approach to growth and leadership 
• how childhood experiences shape adult confidence and business decisions 
• motherhood as a catalyst for reflecting on identity and self-talk 
• using personal values to filter decisions and protect energy 
• burnout as a turning point that forces a new way of operating 
• rebuilding self-trust by getting quiet and making decisions from inner knowing 
• future self practices and the affirmation “I am the creator of my own reality” 

Transcript

Childhood Scripts That Linger

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What I realized very quickly was that I there was a lot of stuff that I had experienced in my childhood. There was also a lot of stuff that was part of my current reality about the way that I spoke to myself that I didn't want to pass on to my daughter.

What Flip The Inner Script Is

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome to Flip the Inner Script, a podcast for female founders who are over their inner critic showing up when they are scaling to bigger things. This podcast is for the woman who has built something and still finds herself wondering why success doesn't feel the way she thought it would. We'll dive deep into inner stories, social conditioning, self-leadership, identity, and what it actually takes to master being the woman who meets her next level. This is your permission slip to finally flip the script so that you can unlock the success you dream about. Let's go.

Meet Andrea Behind The Mic

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Hello, welcome back to another episode of Flip the Inner Script. I am so excited that you're here joining me. I'm your host, Andrea, and you are tuning in here each week to chat with and hang out with a I'm using ear quotes here, moderately healed version of myself. And I say that because the version that you are connecting with today is not the person that I was one, two, five, ten years ago. And I have been on my own growth journey, my own evolution. I have definitely, I mean, listen, it still exists for me today because I'm a human in the world, but I have definitely fallen victim to the inner script. I definitely have deep, deep societal conditioning and lots of work that I have done around my own inner dialogue, the expectations that I have put on myself. I have been through burnouts. I have not shown up as the best version of myself. And so I thought that it would be really fun for today's episode to talk a little bit about like who I am and where I came from and how I became the version of myself that you are listening to today and hopefully gleaning a lot from as it relates to flipping that inner script, really paying attention to what's going on in your mindset so that you can show up uh like in the best way that you can in your life and also have this like exponentially growing business and reality. And you know, like I I mean I think that that's what you're here for. And so today I want to talk to you about who I am, my journey, and how I got to this place. When I think about, you know, every single time I I have to introduce myself or share my bio when I go to do a talk or something like that. I always, I don't know if you have moments like this, but I always feel like I'm kind of looking at myself from the outside in. And you know, when people are like seven-time published author, five-time best-selling author, you know, life coach for female founders and ambitious women and host of this podcast and you know, insert all of the really incredible things that I have accomplished and that I'm really proud of. I don't always connect with that person because I'm like, I I I feel like there's still an element of me that is just like, what? Like, is that actually all of the things that I've accomplished? And then I'm, you know, then I check myself and I'm like, yeah, actually it is. Um, and you know, the the 17-year-old me couldn't even imagine the life that the almost 40-year-old me would have created. But I want to tell you a little bit about her because she is, you know, a big part of why I am the way I am. And and her initial decision is what led me to where I am. And you know, sometimes our life doesn't always fall in the path that we think it will, or sometimes we're put in a position or given an opportunity, or you know, in some sort of scenario where we're like, I'm not sure that this is what I want or if this is gonna get me closer to where I'm gonna be. But as I sit here and reflect back on all of the roles that I've had, all of the jobs that I've had, all of the stepping stones that I have been on, they actually all have led me to this place. And it's likely that all of the experiences that you've had, whether you've taken time to reflect on them or not, have gotten you to the place that you are

Social Services And Social Conditioning

SPEAKER_00 4:40

now. And so listen, I'm 17 years old, I'm trying to decide what I want to do with my life. And I've I always knew that I had this like deep desire to help people. And people often came to me to share their problems with me. And I love, you know, I love to be that that safe space, that comfort space for people. Um, you know, I didn't always feel like I had that growing up, and and so I wanted to create that for people. I wanted to be needed and liked and all of these sorts of things. And so I actually pursued a career in social services when I was 18. I applied to college. I went to college for two years, and that was like really the start of my self-awareness journey. We learned lots of different courses throughout those two years, but there was a few that really stood out for me and I think actually serve quite well in the work that I do with my clients now. But I took, you know, a psychology course, I took a counseling course, I took a family dynamics course, which was really, really powerful to learn about family dynamics and how they show up in our lives and you know, how what we've gone through as children, how that impacts how we show up as adults. It's actually everything when it comes to how we show up as adults in our relationship and also how we show up in our business, you know, what we believe about our ability to be successful or what we're worthy of. Um, I also took a sociology course, which was really cool. I learned a lot about society and and how different cultures and society again impact how we see the world. And one of the things that was really actually powerful that I wanted to just like share with you really quickly, um, is I learned about this concept of like the agents of socialization that exist in our society. And there's actually five agents of socialization that basically are like the the community, the the spaces in where we learn how to show up in the world and for lack of a better word, the the places that teach us and that unintentionally teach us what our inner script is and what we believe about success and ourselves. So there are five of them. And the first one that we are exposed to at a very, very early age is family, right? So we are socialized by our immediate and direct family, our mother, our father, if we have siblings, if we have close relationships with, you know, grandparents and other caregivers. Like our caregivers and our family unit are like the first places where we learn about ourselves and where we learn about the world. And then simultaneously, kind of at the same time, there's also media, right? So this is mass media, so like newspapers, I mean, you know, digital newspapers now, um, but magazines or TV shows or, you know, like any sort of technology that we're exposed to and learn from it are all a part of media. And then we go out into the world and we are influenced by our peers, and we're also influenced by the education system. Um, and so those things again, peers especially, there's that age, you know, where we are just like so reliant on our peers and acceptance from them, and they really create our frame of reference in the world. And, you know, the the fifth one is um, gosh, I I didn't actually research this first because I didn't plan to share this. But if I remember correctly, the fifth one is like religion or spirituality, like that sort of thing. And again, that influences how we decide to show up in the world, how we interact with the world around us, because you know, if you've relate were raised in a religious culture, it's like, you know, there are commandments or there are expectations or rules or things to follow and and um live in accordance with. And then again, you internalize those and all of those things dictate how you show up in the world. So anyway, fun little sidebar. But I went to this two-year program at Conestoga College and uh got my social services certification. And like I said, that was kind of my first introduction into personal growth. And then I was in the working in the front lines and you know, where I worked in mental health, I worked in crisis, I worked with kids, I worked with seniors, that's where I kind of went. But I always kind of worked with those populations that really, really needed um a lot of support. And I did that all the way up until I got pregnant with my first child.

Motherhood And The Wake Up Call

SPEAKER_00 9:31

And uh she's gonna be 11 now. Um and so it's actually crazy, you know, that there've been a a decade. I I really think that being um having her was what catapulted my growth journey. Um, and I say that because, you know, when I became a parent for the first time, and if you are listening to this and you have become a parent yourself, you probably remember that period of time where you were just almost like overwhelmed with the level of responsibility for this little human and and you know, the the level of responsibility of wanting them to be a good human and a good person. And what I realized very quickly was that I there was a lot of stuff that I had experienced in my childhood. There was also a lot of stuff that was part of my current reality about the way that I spoke to myself that I didn't want to pass on to my daughter. And I also at that time kind of just had this like you're basically reflecting on not only your childhood and stuff, but like, what do you want to do with your life? Or maybe maybe it's just me, but I actually don't think that I'm alone in this at all. It kind of causes you to reflect on everything. I talk about this in Embody Bliss, um, the book that I launched in March. And I just talk about how like oftentimes when these big milestones in life happen, it causes you to reflect on everything. This like whole like what am I doing with my life kind of um thing where you're just like looking at how you're spending your days and spending your time and and so on. And so this was this was one of those moments for me. And you know, keeping the story slightly condensed for the purposes of this podcast. If you want to read it in more detail, you can definitely into the show notes, you can grab a copy of my book. Um, but I re I realized that I I love I loved helping people, you know, my my deepest value in life, and I actually want to pause a moment here, um, because I want to ask you this question as well. Because when I think about how I decide to spend my time now, what things I say yes to, um, where I'm expending

Values As A Decision Filter

SPEAKER_00 12:47

my energy and where I'm making a choice to protect it, which business ventures I decide to go on, or what things I say yes to, I often look at it through the lens of my value or what my what I value, pardon me. And unless we know what we value, it's it's it's almost like we're kind of just throwing spaghetti at the wall. Um, in the sense that it's like when you have this, okay, here's what I value. And when you make every decision through that lens of what you value, it's a lot easier to choose what you are going to say yes to, what you're going to tolerate, and what you are not going to say yes to, or what you are no longer going to tolerate. And so one of the things that I've learned about myself is that I value creating impact. And I actually want to create impact so big and so vast that I can never actually measure it. Like I would die a happy woman if I never really knew the the expansive um or the ex what's the word I'm looking for? The magnitude of which I my impact has been able to spread out. And so because I know that about myself, I make a lot of decisions based on that. And again, I didn't quite have the language um at the time when I was kind of making this, having this like, what am I doing with my life moment? But I knew that I liked helping people. And so as I was diving deeper into my own inner work, understanding a lot more about my the amount of self-trust that I had, which quite frankly, when when my first child was born, I didn't really have a lot. And I didn't really have a lot of self-confidence, not the type that that you see today, you know, when I'm speaking on stage and you know, coming up here, putting out these podcast episodes and and putting out a book. And, you know, like in in the work that I do with my clients, I often people will say to me that you have this like confidence about you. Um I didn't always have that, you know, like I really had to heal this relationship that I had with myself and heal a lot of the stories that I have about people not caring what I had to say. And that's why I said at the beginning of this episode, you know, you're getting a moderately healed version of me every week when I show up because I'm still I'm always learning and I'm always growing. And, you know, that's how I continue to do better, and that's how the work that I do continues to get better. And so anyway, I I kind of like explored this world of coaching, and I I had never really heard of it before, but I knew that um I like to help. And so I I kind of like explored coaching. I was like, okay, what could, you know, what could having my own business look like? Um, and also simultaneously, you know, exploring all of those inner things um a little bit more. Fast forward to um this moment that I think is really important to share. And I think I shared this in a previous episode, um, but the moment

Burnout And Rebuilding Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 16:00

where I got really burnt out, I think that that moment is so pivotal for me, and I often reflect back on it because it's like up until that point, I was kind of just doing what I thought um made sense in terms of growing my business and following my heart and all of these sorts of things. And when I realized that I was, I was like running myself into the ground, um, I knew I knew that something had to be different. And so one of the lessons that I wanted to share with you um in summary of this episode is that one of the things I have really learned is just to trust the opportunities that are placed in front of you and also to trust yourself to make the right decision for you. I think I have been so guilty for so many years of outsourcing my power in the sense of, you know, I didn't really know if I could make the right decision for me. And so I would ask people for advice. I would ask people to help guide me on what the right decision, what the right decision to make is. And ultimately, like I was the one who knew what the right decision for me was, but I just didn't have that confidence in myself to be able to like really make that choice or make that decision. Another thing that I have learned along the way, total like random thing, is that I used to um get really nervous spending a lot of time alone with my own thoughts. I actually didn't like being alone. And I think that part of that was rooted in this like not enough trust within myself. I know I I kind of said that a little bit earlier, but it's like now I actually when I have to make a decision or when I'm unsure about something, I take a minute to get quiet with myself and think about all of the reasons or things that you know that might be at play or might be a part of what's going on in my reality right now, because it's like I I hold the answers, you know, and just it's been really powerful to heal that relationship with myself so that I can show up better in the things that I am choosing to say yes to. You know, listen, if you're in business for yourself, you know that it isn't always easy, and you know that you have to put yourself out

Owning Your Unique Business Value

SPEAKER_00 18:31

there a lot and you have to share about what you have to offer and you have to be confident in that. And you know, if you are working in a service-based business, you show up for your clients, it's just you, and you have to trust and know that them hiring you for you and what you provide, you have to be confident that that is good enough. I can tell you right now that it is good enough. But same with a product-based business, you know, if if you're putting products out in the world, it's possible, it's quite likely, in fact, that there are other products out there like what you have. But again, nobody is going to do anything like you do it, your unique experience, your unique life journey, your knowledge, your expertise. Listen, there are a lot of coaches in the world, and there are a lot of podcasts in the world. And when I show up here to share with you every single week, and when I show up in sessions with my clients, if I showed up with like, oh, you know, they could be getting this information from anywhere else, you know, why why are they coming to get it from me? That would not be the same as me showing up with knowing that there is no one out there that has lived the life that I have lived. And there is no one out there that can show up in this podcast with my clients with the unique knowledge and experience that I have to offer. And, you know, I have really come to terms. Listen, as I've been recording this podcast episode, I had to pause it two times because I had a moment of like, oh shit, where where am I going? What was I gonna say? It's like old, this old lack of self-trust comes up so quickly in that moment. But then I unpaused it and I was like, no, Andrea, you have to just trust that you are going to bring yourself back and that the things that you need to say are gonna come out of you. And it's like that, that deep inner knowing of like what you have to offer and how you show up with your clients, um, I think is everything when it comes to having your own business and being this, you know. I I was listening to an affirmation um the other or an activation rather the other day. I read this book last summer. It was so good.

Future Self And Reality Creation

SPEAKER_00 20:56

It was called Activate Your Future Self. And it actually inspired me to so when you're in the book, it's all about this future self life creation. And one of the things that she offers in the book is um access to activations. And so she has this platform, this app, where you can go in and listen to these like bite-sized audios of like there's hundreds of different audios on this little platform. And um actually, it's not a little platform at all, it's actually a big platform. Um, but it inspired me to do the audio integrations that I have in my book. So if you buy a copy of Embody Bliss, there is a QR code in that book that takes you to a web page that has all um audio integrations for every single chapter so that you can continue the work. Um, but I was listening to an activation the other day and it was an affirmations one. It was about 12 minutes long. I was listening to it while I was driving. And so, you know, there was just like all of these different affirmations that it was sharing and affirmations that you have to repeat back. Um, and one of them, one of the affirmations was, I am the creator of my own reality. And I said it out loud, and then I actually had a conversation with myself about it while I was waiting for the next affirmation to come through. And it was like, I am. I have literally created in my life, you know, it's not to say that it's easy every single day, but I have created a reality where I can do what I love, where I can motivate myself to continue to show up, to say yes to and pour into the things that light me up and make me feel excited, even if there's not necessarily a payment attached to that, and say no to the things that are gonna take up more space than I have capacity for. And to get to a place where I can do that hasn't come without work and doesn't come without consistent work. But it feels really cool to have been able to create this reality where I have flipped my own inner script in a lot of situations, and now I get to show up and share that with you. So I hope that you took some time throughout today's episode to think about what you value and how that drives what you know, when you know what you value, how do you match all of the decisions and all of the conversations that you have with the world and all of the conversations that you have with yourself against that value? And I can't wait to hang out with you next week. Thanks so much for joining me today. That's a wrap on today's episode. If something you heard hit home for you, share it with someone who you think could resonate with you. I'd love for you to subscribe to the show

Share, Review, And Go Deeper

SPEAKER_00 23:43

and leave a review. Your reviews help this podcast reach more women like you who need it. And as a thank you, if you screenshot your review and send it to me on Instagram at dub.balast.blit, I will send you a special gift as a thank you. Ready to go deeper? Grab my book and body flip, break free from the shows, and move into more joy for the link in the show notes. Or if you're curious about working together, your free 20 minute connection call is waiting. Love you for sharing your time with me today. Now go flip that inner script.