How To Hack Your Heartbreak
A step by step guide to putting broken hearts back together after a devastating break up.
Breakups are incredibly painful and life altering and on the stress scale there is only the death of a loved one that rates higher- however for what ever reason the rupture of a romantic relationship seems to feel like its very much a solo journey,.
I’m here to change that by not only giving you tools- emotional, nutritional and practical to help you navigate your way through this but I’m also super passionate about creating a community of like minded people who are committed to moving through and growing from the pain of a breakup (even if it was unceremoniously dumped in your lap).
How To Hack Your Heartbreak tackles all of the hard topics including toxic relationships, trauma bonds, emotional disregulation & the practicalities involved in actually getting your feet on the floor each & every day after such a huge upheaval.
My Flagship course How To Hack Your Heartbreak drops on April 14th 2025 as well as my Heartbreak Hackers membership programme.
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How To Hack Your Heartbreak
Owning Your Breakup: Kayleigh Stead's Powerful Recovery Story (Part 2)
Stood up on her wedding day and left to face a room full of guests, Kayleigh Stead made headlines worldwide when she transformed her heartbreak into a spectacular celebration of self-love. But what happens when the viral moment ends and real life begins?
Kayleigh returns to share the raw, unfiltered aftermath of her cancelled wedding—from sobbing in bed and packing away her ex-fiancé's belongings to navigating well-meaning but misguided advice from friends telling her to "just move on." With remarkable candour, she reveals how therapy helped her uncover lifelong patterns of mothering others at her own expense, a tendency that began in childhood as her mother's young carer and continued into her romantic relationships.
"Grief isn't just about death," Kayleigh explains, challenging our cultural reluctance to give breakups the emotional weight they deserve. Her disastrous rebound experience—which left her crying all the way home—serves as a powerful reminder that healing happens on your timeline, not someone else's.
Through Kayleigh's story, we discover that strength isn't about putting on a brave face but allowing yourself those moments of tears and ice cream. Her journey from abandoned bride to empowered woman offers a roadmap for anyone navigating heartbreak—showing how even the most public rejection can become the foundation for profound self-discovery.
Whether you're in the depths of heartbreak or supporting someone who is, this episode reminds us that every ending is an opportunity to create your next version—your 2.0—with more wisdom, boundaries, and self-love than before.
Got a breakup story, feedback or a topic you'd like us to cover? send us a text!
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Going through a breakup, Struggling with being all up in your feels, Finding it hard to get through the day. Heartbreak sucks and we've all been there. If you're in need of some life hacks on how to regulate your emotions, practically manage your life and how to rediscover yourself post-breakup, you've come to the right place. This is your roadmap to navigating out of this time in your life with intelligence, humour, sass and a little bit of tough love when you need it. Welcome to how To Hack your Heartbreak with your host, Louise Wilkinson. I'm your host.
Speaker 2:Louise Wilkinson Last week on how To Hack your Heartbreak. It was our first instalment of a semi-regular series that we're going to be presenting here on the podcast called Bitches Owning Breakups. The idea is that we tell the stories of women who have become an inspiration in the way that they dealt with their breakups, and certainly my subject matter last week was absolutely out of this world. Kayleigh Stead from Wales made viral news when she was stood up on the day of her wedding, and last week we went into all of the details of how that unfolded.
Speaker 2:This week, kayleigh and I will be diving into what happened after the rubber hit the road, what happened after the big day and what are the lessons that she has taken out of this cataclysmic event. So obviously the day was amazing and what like absolute iconic moment of self-love and those people around you supporting you, but on the other side of that, the rubber has to hit the road. So how did you navigate those weeks and months after this had happened with, as you say, no closure? It's like this person is with you every day to one point and then bang gone yeah.
Speaker 3:so it was kind of like for me. So people say, um, it's easier after a funeral and they say, like, because you can put it to bed, it's closure. You go to that and there's a lot of expectation or a lot of pressure or amount of like willingness to be put on closure and kind of like we think that it's gone, you don't have to feel those emotions anymore anymore. And the day after was probably the hardest day after the wedding because I had my.
Speaker 3:all my girlfriends bought me a jumper that said Mrs Norton wife on a jumper and my friend checked that and that because that was the only thing, because I didn't pack clothing apart from that jumper, so I had no clothes to wear apart from my pajamas that I wore two days ago and I went back downstairs and all the guests and all my friends and family stayed the night over. So we're having our breakfast and I just I couldn't eat and I just remember turning and I saw my sister and I laugh about it. Now she was just looking at me while tubing on a sausage and just sobbing and I was like and I wasn't crying at this point. And I was just looking at me while chewing on a sausage and just sobbing and I was like, and I wasn't crying at this point, and I was just looking at her going should I be that at this moment? And I was just like, I was just numb because I was like yeah, it was insane.
Speaker 3:And then when I got back to the room, that was hard, like because we live with my parents see my mum and my dad because we were saving for a house and for the wedding my mum and my dad took us in and we live with them I still live with my dad now and I came back and his stuff was everywhere and I was just like I need to get it gone for me, like when I've got a thought in my mind, I've got to see it through and I've got to get it done there. And then and my best friend was helping me pack things up and he had a jigsaw piece that he loved and my friend tipped it in the bag and then took one piece out and kept one piece of the jigsaw.
Speaker 2:I love that. I was so hoping you were going to say that you took one piece yes, she took one piece and I was just like insane.
Speaker 3:And then the days after, I think I just had my moments of sobbing in bed because I think you've got to allow yourself to have those moments. Because sometimes, because after the wedding day, like because everybody was strong, everybody was telling me I was I struggled with being in bed at first because I felt like, okay, I need to get out, I need to show my face, I need to carry on being strong, I need to keep this persona up.
Speaker 3:I'm like holding my head high and then about a week or so later I kind of crashed.
Speaker 2:Crashed.
Speaker 3:yeah, like I was just mentally exhausted and I just needed to be on my own for a little bit and now, looking back, that was probably like a really important time that I needed to have and I think we forget to allow ourselves to cry, because I think there's a lot of like outlooks that come with being strong that you need to be like happy and thrive and carry on and keep going. But keeping going is still having a moment of lying in bed and I think I had to learn that. And then I'm lucky where I work. I went on sick because of my compassionate leave ended with work and I had to take some time off work because I work in insurance, so we would talk about things like like car insurance policies and speaking with customers. I think if a customer would come to me and said to me like I don't like my price of x, y and z, I probably would have screamed yes, because I would be like yeah, like you think this is a problem, this is not a problem, janet, take the price exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would not have dealt with well with very karen's in that moment, definitely not yes no, I could. I. I've got quite a lot of patience, but during that time my patients were very, very thin and I made the leap of going to therapy, because I'm a big advocate for therapy for other people, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:I was like my niece, my sisters and quite a lot of my family have suffered with mental health, like some of my family have got, like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, bipolar and things like that. There's quite a lot of like mental, like health within our family and I've always been that. Because I'm saying, like therapy is always good, you need to do this, you need to take time for yourself, and but when it came to kind of listening to my own words, that was hard for me to do in that moment and my therapist got me to write down everything, any advice that I would give to friends in the situation I was feeling, to write it down and acknowledge what I was writing down for myself. And it was really hard to do that because, like writing down, like it's okay to take five minutes. If you want to cry cry. If you want to eat a whole cake to yourself, eat a whole cake to yourself. If you want to go for a walk and be on your own, like I was learning, it was okay to say no to other people and say yes to myself.
Speaker 3:Because I struggle with that a bit and I learned through the breakup that in my relationships I become the mother and that I'm very, quite mothering. Yeah, um, I get that from a young age. So I learned that it started because I was a young carer, because my mum was disabled. So from the age of five I would get my mum ready for a day I would like inject my mum with her insulin sort of do tablets. I would look after my mum. So from a very young age I learned that I had this instilled in me that I need to look after other people yeah and otherwise I'm.
Speaker 3:I don't know what I'm doing myself.
Speaker 3:I have got no purpose and that's what I was doing in relationships. So Callum not any fault of his own during Covid and things that happened um, he didn't have many jobs, so he's in and out of, say, about seven jobs during the relationship, so the whole relationship was financially dependent on myself. I was like, oh, I don't mind this, though, because I feel like whenever he had money coming in, I didn't want to use that money because of I just felt guilty using it. So I was like, well, let's just use my money, let's put your money into savings, fine, and we'll just use my money. Because I just felt like, yeah, because of he didn't have the regular income that I did, I was like we have to like treasure that If that makes any sense, we have to like use mine and keep his, and because I don't want him to be like he's going to spend it all on me now and like I learned that whenever I go shopping because I went shopping with my friend after retail therapy is a very good thing- A hundred percent it is.
Speaker 3:Make sure you you got the money first of all don't do if you haven't got them save up first.
Speaker 3:And so I went shopping with my friend. We went a weekend away and as I was walking around, I was like, oh my god, this could I get for Callum. And I said it out loud and I was like, okay, I'm not with him anymore. And she was like this this is what you do, you. You want you walk around the whole shop and send to look for him and others first, before you actually shop for yourself yes, yeah, and, and that's a hard lesson, isn't it that?
Speaker 2:we, we abandon ourselves and we uh, you know, and we're overly responsible for other people and their mental health at the expense of ourselves. And you know and it's a tough lesson to learn because it doesn't in the end, you know people are going to move. How they move, regardless of how much we pour into them. And so, yeah, and it is a steep learning curve and you're exactly right, right, therapy is when there is this catastrophic moment. You need to take the lessons that you can out of it, and going to therapy, getting a coach, going through and doing that emotional work will serve you for the rest of your life, you know, you will know yourself and know your boundaries and know your value, and for the rest of your life. And that is, although it came out of such a horrific event, is so invaluable to you and to whoever you connect with in the future, because you found yourself during this process and so it was such an ugly thing, but there's so much beauty in that.
Speaker 3:Oh, 100%, and I think it is just learning that, as you said, all the love and support and time and effort you put into somebody, if they want to go, they'll go.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It doesn't matter how much you do or try to convince them or say this and that to kind of make a positive out of the bad situation.
Speaker 3:If they want to go, they've got to go, and it's learning that that's actually the best choice for you as well yeah because if they were today, because you were were to change or to put more time into them, is that truly a right reason for them to stay? Because if you're already giving them 100%, is an extra 10% really going to change the outcome for them? No, it's going to exhaust you 100% it's going to drain you.
Speaker 2:It's like pouring into a bucket with a hole in the bottom of it. You know it's never going to be enough. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You can treat yourself or a friend who's in the throes of heartbreak with our bespoke heartbreak emergency kit containing emergency chocolate tissues, a cute voodoo doll for comic purposes only sage for clearing your space, a crystal for healing, an affirmation to stick to your mirror and a candle with a sense specific to the stage of your breakup you find yourself in. The breakup kit is sure to lift your spirits and the perfect way to practice self-love. Head on over to howtohackyourheartbreakcom.
Speaker 2:Forward slash shop to order, and so this happened September 2022. So, as we sit here now, it's May 2023. What next for you? Like? Are you, you know? Are you sort of thinking that you've got more to do? I mean, this message is so powerful and so will resonate with so many people who are perhaps sitting there going. I just want the pain to end and I'm just but I'm just going to sit in it and I'm not going to be proactive in moving out of it. So the reason that I really resonated with your story was this is exactly what the whole crux of how to hack your heartbreak is is that we can find ourselves in this heartbreak and emerge little bit by little bit. It's not a one day. You wake up and everything makes sense, but you're still moving through that process.
Speaker 3:Any bucket list items that you have on your radar so I was very, very lucky enough to be given um two a thousand pound vouchers from this morning to go on a holiday. So I'm in the middle of processing whether I can I go on this really luxurious holiday or I go on a holiday with my girlfriends and try and give them a time away with me as well. So we're kind of up about that and I think at the moment the reason why I kind of haven't like uploaded kind of anything onto my TikTok or done anything from is the moment because I want to. I'm still in the process of processing it at the minute, like so one of our favourite movies was A Star Is Born and the soundtrack, so some of my favourite songs from there. So I have still been able to listen to those yet without feeling some anger towards it, towards it, and I want to be able to talk about it freely and be able to kind of give guidance to people when I'm ready, if that makes sense, because I don't want to guide somebody through something or give my advice and stuff until I'm willing to take it on my own. Yet if that makes any sense, so once I'm in that position, then I'm going to go for it.
Speaker 3:I hope that I could carry on helping people and reaching out to I don't know whether future podcasts or myself, or having more engaging social media presence I'm not too sure yet or even if it's just leaving that aside and carrying on with my work life and finding my career within that. I don't know. At the minute I'm a bit of a crossroads going. What do I want to do? Um, but I'm very excited that I've got these options. I've never had these options before, so I'm a bit like I'm very excited that I've got these options. I've never had these options before, so I'm a bit like I'm one of those people that I need to know. I plan for each outcome.
Speaker 3:If that makes any sense the good, the bad and the ugly for each opportunity or choices that I've got, just because I like to mentally prepare myself for situations. But I'm learning at the same time that you can't always be mentally prepared for something because of look what happened to me back in September. Yes, so I'm constantly juggling these, juggling these balls at the minute, but I'm really looking forward to it, because I lost my mum back in um January. So my mum passed away and I'm still grieving her loss at the moment. And because we live in a council house in the UK, we're in the middle of transitioning outside of this house because it was adapted to my mum's needs.
Speaker 3:They want to put me, my niece and my dad into a flat, so we're in the middle of kind of navigating that work at the moment. So there's kind of a lot of things that I need to put to bed first before I can kind of focus on other things. Because since my mum passed away, it's like I've adopted two children, like my dad and my niece, and I happily accept them. But I'm learning, like I've learned, from this whole process. Is that a loss of anything? Whether it's a loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of a nearest or dearest or death, for example, is all grief.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:And I think accepting and acknowledging that is a big part of a breakup, because you think, oh God, I can't, like people are not going to, am I being overdramatic or am I being too like yeah over, like being a drama queen by calling it grief, because I really really struggled with that at the beginning. But it is grief and I think that's what I want to kind of spread awareness about and and take into my future a bit is kind of spreading awareness that, like, grief just doesn't mean a loss of death or anything. No, it's a loss of anything?
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2:And you know what really knocked me sideways was that we've all had our girlfriends and they've gone through breakups and we rush over there with the wine and the chocolate and we watch the notebook and you know we check on them a couple of times over the next couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:What really knocked me sideways was I'd really forgotten how all-encompassing it is, and I think that you know people need to actually, yeah, recognise that in a lot of cases, if we're grieving a loved one, that obviously you have your own unique relationship but everybody around you is also grieving.
Speaker 2:So, like when you lost your mum, your dad had his grief process and your family and your siblings and that sort of thing. But when we go through a breakup, it is uniquely ours, and I think that people do forget how long and how painful that process can be. And giving it the right name grief is such a step forward in being able to give ourselves that latitude to grieve it, process it properly, because if we stuff it down and we pretend everything's okay, it will bite us in the butt at some point a couple of years down the track, because we pretend everything's okay, it will bite us in the butt at some point a couple of years down the track, because we haven't dealt with it yeah, exactly, and I think there's a lot of things that we get told like the statement.
Speaker 3:It is what it is. Really annoyed me, yeah, I hate that statement.
Speaker 2:I think you're my soul sister on the other side of the world.
Speaker 3:I'll share that Absolutely. When people kept on going like, oh yeah, it is what it is, you've just got to kind of deal with it, I'm like, no, it isn't what it is. That's not right. I don't have to just acknowledge it through that I'm not going to just sleep and all of a sudden these emotions are going to be gone. Absolutely not. And it is what it is, isn't? It is not that?
Speaker 2:no, it's not we're applying that statement to exactly. It's like yeah, is it?
Speaker 3:though. Is it really? I don't know. I know it is Definitely, and there's a lot of pressure that comes with moving on. When somebody says to you, yeah, in a couple of months' time you'll be moved on, you'll be sitting on the other seat going like, oh, it's completely fine or whatever, I'm glad I did it, yes, you do get to that point. However, when people keep on telling you will move on, you will get there, you start kind of preempting I've moved on, I've got there now, and all of a sudden you actually haven't got there because you've just gone. It is where it is. I need to deal with it, I need to move on, I need to be be like time is a kind of. It keeps on going and you just kind of go. Sorry if you're going to swear, but you kind of just go shit. Yeah, sorry, I don't know if I can swear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's fine.
Speaker 3:And you just got to go. Do you know what it is? It is actually just shit, and I just want to. I need to be in that moment for a minute, and it's not linear either, is it?
Speaker 2:Like. It's like one day you can be like, yes, I've got this, I'm moving through it, I feel really good, oh, he's cute. And then the next day it's like oh, like and yeah, and I think people don't sort of acknowledge that. You know, and when are you getting back on Tinder, and when are you? You know all of that, all of that stuff oh my god, I'm facebook dating.
Speaker 3:Now there's a facebook dating that's came up on like within facebook and everyone go are you joining that? Are you doing that? And I did go on a date. Um, so you treat me to nando's whoo lucky me. Um, I do love it. And um, I stayed over his house and I kind of felt like I had to be in that position because it was a bit like oh, come on, I gotta do this, I've gotta be here, I've gotta have sex because of a need to get over him.
Speaker 3:I need to show that I'm moving on. And it was the worst sex of my life, yeah, and I literally woke up the next morning and I drove home in my car and I sobbed the whole way home, yeah, and I was just like that was not what I expected at all. And I was like Jesus, because I feel like in movies the rebound guy always tends to be absolutely stunning, or like they tend to have amazing sex or it's a brilliant moment. They had their rebound moment and I had what I thought was going to be my rebound moment and it caused me even more distress and I was like, oh my god, is that? What I've got to look forward to now is horrible sex where I cry after it. I was just like, I was like no, and it was just like no, and it was just horrific and I wouldn't recommend doing that. No, that's not the right thing, it's not, you see in the movies.
Speaker 3:People go out and have drinks and have one night stands after it and they're like, yeah, let's bring him. Like no, just don't put yourself in that position.
Speaker 2:No, no, I think yeah, I would probably have a similar reaction. It really is a process and it's not something that you can rush. And yeah, I mean in terms of moving on. And you know, when people say you know you need to move on or you need to date or whatever, that's their timeline.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because that's what the pressure of moving on did for me was like, okay, this boy has reached out and DM'd me. Now he's only like 15 minutes away from where I am. So I was like, okay, I need to. Everyone's saying I've got to move on. Yeah, I will move on. So is this my moving on? I feel like I've moved on now.
Speaker 3:I processed everything and then I was in that position. It was just horrendous and I was like god, like I put myself in a position where I don't feel very comfortable at the minute, like I'm in some stranger's bed, but I'm just like feel completely vulnerable in the wrong possible way. And I I was just like lovely, and I'm nothing against him. He was a very, very sweet boy, but I wasn't ready. But because of the pressure of moving on, of saying it is where it is and I like, and sugar coating things, but basically sugar on shit yes, in the nicest way of analogy for it. I was doing that and unfortunately it hit me in the face at that point and I was like I'm not ready and it probably did more damage than actually acknowledging that. I was still grieving that I wasn't moved on if I had done that in the first place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. I completely get it. I get exactly what you're saying there, kayleigh, look I. So thank you for being so transparent. I honestly feel like I'm just having a Zoom chat with one of my girlfriends and you know so resonating with what you're saying in your story and I'm sure a lot of people, while they might not have had the dramatic breakup that you had, that has made worldwide news. Everything after that, I'm sure, is completely relatable to anybody going through a breakup. And what I love about you is that you made your wedding day and I put that in air quotes. That you made your wedding day and I put that in air quotes about self-empowerment, self-love and the love of the people around you, which was such a beautiful launch pad for your healing journey. You're still on it.
Speaker 2:But what I love about your story is that you've chosen yourself and you are making this a journey of self-love on the back of a really horrific event in your life, and it just speaks to the kind of person that you are and the kind of person that can really make changes in the world. And I am so grateful for you sharing your story with how To Hack your Heartbreak, and I just wish you every happiness in the world. And I am so grateful for you sharing your story with how To Hack your Heartbreak, and I just wish you every happiness in the future.
Speaker 3:Thank you Honestly.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for having me and I think you've hit the nail on the head that it's basically just.
Speaker 3:I think when you break up, when somebody breaks up with you or you break up with somebody, however the situation is is it's grief on both ends.
Speaker 3:Don't focus about them. Focus about you and make it about you and your journey, and and sit in your moments of just you and your independence, your and your, basically your, your 2.0, and if you have another breakup, make it your 3.0. At the end of the day, as you said, it's indefinite, just regardless to mean if you needed to rebuild yourself on how many times, you can still do it, because I've had a lot more breakups than this one. They're probably a bit more dramatic actually than this one, and it was just. However, this one turned into the news, but every breakup is newsworthy, and enjoy that moment and just enjoy, as bad as it sounds. Enjoy the moments when you do cry and meet your tub of ice cream, because I promise you that that's probably more beneficial than it is just putting makeup on and drinking yourself out of town and meeting new people and moving on. That tub of ice cream is your best friend.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%, it is Kayleigh Stead. You're amazing and thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to how to Hack your Heartbreak. We are all about paying it forward. So if you loved the tips you learned today, share this episode with a friend who needs it.
