Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
Help! My Child Doesn't Want Hugs Anymore
Navigating the emotional maze of motherhood can often feel like uncharted territory, especially when your once affectionate preteen daughter begins to pull away. Join me, Esther Mbabazi, as I unravel the complexities behind this natural phase in our latest episode of Motherhood and the Brain. Drawing from personal experiences and insights from my coaching practice, I promise you'll gain a deeper understanding of why this shift occurs and how it’s a crucial step towards your child’s independence.
We'll explore the significant brain changes happening in your Motherhood is wild. One minute, your preteen daughter is all snuggles, sharing every detail of her day. The next, she’s rolling her eyes and pulling away like you're the most embarrassing person on the planet.
But here’s the thing: it’s actually normal. I talk all about it in the latest episode of Motherhood and the Brain. I explain, with real science, what's happening in their brains at 9 or 10. It shows why they start putting up emotional boundaries. It’s their way of finding independence. That’s good, even if it feels a bit heartbreaking for us.
And I get it—it’s confusing and even hurtful at times. But this stage doesn’t have to feel like you’re losing her. In the episode, I share ideas to keep the connection strong, even when hugs and heart-to-hearts fade.
It’s tricky, but it’s not impossible. And trust me, you’re not alone in this. Let's find a way to handle this phase. We can't lose our minds or our relationships with our daughters.
daughter around ages 9 to 10, and how these evolutionary developments are shaping her new emotional boundaries.
As moms, it's all too easy to feel hurt or confused by this sudden change in our daughters' behavior. But take heart—this is not the beginning of a permanent rift, but a normal and healthy part of their development. Through this episode, I'll guide you on how to navigate this tricky stage with poise and assurance.
Discover practical advice for maintaining a strong connection with your preteen, even when hugs and hand-holding seem like distant memories. Together, let's transform this puzzling transition into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 2:Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Hello there, my friend, welcome to another episode of Motherhood and the Brain podcast, episode number 42. My name is Esther Mbabazi. My name is Esther Mbabazi.
Speaker 2:Where I live I don't know the government or the authorities they are running sporadic alarm tests, things, loud noises. They are going off sporadically. They have been doing that throughout the day and if I have tried to wait to record this episode to see whether they would have finished, so I hope so. So if you hear any loud noise in the background, it's because they are testing, and if you hear any loud alarm noises in the background, it is those alarms, because I set up today to record three, two, three podcast episodes and I intend to do that. So I'm doing that now. So welcome back to today's episode.
Speaker 2:So welcome back to today's episode, where we are going to talk about something many of us have experienced Not all of us not all moms, but many of us me myself included, and many of my clients have experienced so. Have you noticed your pre pretty pulling away lately? Maybe the hugs and the hand-holding they once loved now seem off-limits. She cringes at your touch, puts distance between you or gives you that seriously, ma'am, that kind of look that leaves you wondering what just happened. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, my friend. Many of us feel the sting of this sudden shift. The sting, not sting the sting of this sudden shift, especially when you've been so close with your child. It feels confusing, even heartbreaking, to watch the child who used to crawl into your lap now act like they can't get far enough away from you. But the truth is this isn't about something you have done wrong and it's not the beginning of a permanent rift. It's part of an important change, not just for your child but for you too. So let's talk about what's really going on beneath the surface, why her pulling away might not mean what you think it does, and how to navigate this tricky stage with connection and confidence. It sounds like I don't know. For some people it throws them totally off. But, like I said, it is normal. Your child used to be affectionate, always holding hands, climbing into your lap, hugging you tightly. And now, out of nowhere, she doesn't want that. Maybe she cringes at your touch or puts distance between you. It can feel confusing, even heartbreaking, when you've been so close so long. So here is what's happening. You know me and the brain. Everything we do is connected to the brain. So that is where we start.
Speaker 2:Around age 9, 10, children's brains start shifting into overdrive. The Hormone Regulation Center takes over, and with this change comes a whole new set of intensity of emotions and boundaries. This is part of how kids start figuring out who they are and how they want to relate to the world. And it's not just biology. This is evolution. Back in the day, when our ancestors lived in tribes and in caves, children at this age started to become independent. They started to break away from their families. While we are not dodging tigers and lions now anymore many of us, at least, are not doing that Our brain is still wired like that.
Speaker 2:Pulling back from parents is part of the process of becoming their own child. Your child's sudden change from loving hugs to avoiding them might feel extreme, but it does not mean something is wrong with her or with your relationship or with you, the mom. And here is the thing Sometimes she may hug other family members during the holidays, but she will avoid hugging you. And this is where many of us feel this thing, because we take it personally. We might make it mean why did she hug them and not me? But when she says, I would rather not hug them either, but I don't want to make it weird, that's the clue. She is trying to balance her own boundaries with social expectations. Her behavior might not be all about you. It might be her way of navigating this new chapter in her life, figuring out what feels okay for her while trying to keep the peace out there or around her.
Speaker 2:So when your child pulls away, as a human being it's natural to wonder did I do something wrong? Does she still love me? What does this mean to our relationship? Those thoughts can quickly shape how you act. Maybe you try harder to show affection, only to feel her pull away even more, or you stop trying altogether, which can create more distance. But what if her behavior isn't a rejection of you? What if it's just her figuring out this whole new thing called life? So what can you do? Instead of seeing her actions as rejection. How about you become curious? What is her behavior telling you about her and what she needs right now? What are you? This is the most important thing what are you telling yourself about this? What are you making this mean about you as a mom, for example, when she moves away from your touch? Could it be that she's uncomfortable with affection at this moment Not that she's rejecting you, but she's uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:When you think about her changes, are you assuming they mean something about you as a mom? Because this is where many of us go. So what if? I like to ask my brain these what if? Questions, because they create some wiggle room, wiggle space in my brain for me to see things in another way, in a way that I have not seen them before. That is why I use a lot of what if. Even when I'm working with clients, we use a lot of what ifs. So what if her need for space is totally okay? What if nothing has gone wrong with your child needing more space? What if it's just her way of learning about herself and setting boundaries? What if you don't have to fix her or force affection? She's still the same child who loves you, just figuring out a new way to relate to you and the world.
Speaker 2:As hard as it is to see your child pull away, this moment isn't just about her, it's about you too. It is a chance for you to grow alongside her, to examine the stories you're telling yourself and to trust that your bond isn't just defined by hugs alone. Like I said, I have been there with my own kids. None of them want to hold hands anymore and I took that personally in the beginning, even when I had done like this work already. But when it just happened out of the blue and I took it personally, it hurt, it stung.
Speaker 2:When my child started to pull away, I took it personally. It hurt, it stung. When my child started to pull away, I took it personally. I thought it meant I was doing something wrong as a mother. But when I took a step back, I realized it was less about fixing her and more about understanding myself. I started asking myself what am I making this mean about me? Am I seeing her for who she is right now? Or am I clinging to what she used to be or what I want her to be? So when I got curious, I could let go of some of those stories that my brain was telling me I could show up for my children, not with the expectation of how things should be, but with acceptance for how things are.
Speaker 2:And that is hard. I know it is hard. Even for us who have been doing this thought work for a while, it's still hard. It still hurts because all of us, we have been consciously and unconsciously given these messages of how mothers should be, how mothers should relate to their children, da-da-da-da-da, and any slight form of deviation from the norm is going to trigger feelings and thoughts of uncertainty in us. So I totally get it. It's hard but it is doable in us. So I totally get it. It's hard but it is doable. And, like I say, this is not easy, this is hard, but it is okay that it is hard. Nothing has gone wrong. Letting go of old expectations and embracing the messy middle of motherhood takes work, but we are already doing it. We are already here Thinking about our relationships with our children and how we want to strengthen them.
Speaker 2:You don't have to have all the answers today. You can start small, become curious, because curiosity creates communication. Curiosity creates bridges. It does not burn bridges. When you are curious, you want to know more, but when you are judging yourself. You are closed off. You don't even want to know what's going on. You can't even, like I said, create wiggle space in your brain. Curiosity creates wiggle space in our brains, so you become curious about your daughter's behavior, what it is telling you. You notice all the stories your brain is coming up with and you gently remind your brain, that part of your brain that insists that something is wrong. You remind that part of your brain that it is okay, nothing has gone wrong.
Speaker 2:We are in this other phase where my child doesn't want affection anymore, and it is okay. And the most important thing here is this is a chance to dig deeper and really find out why and how. Why do you really need affection from your child, even when they don't want to? What is that about? What is that telling you about yourself? Because one thing that I have learned in this work is we have to learn to take care, or to master how to take care of our own well-being inner well-being, emotional well-being. Because other people will come and go Wives will come and go, children will come and go, husbands will come and go, sisters, everybody, relatives will come and go, but we will always remain with ourselves. We will always be there with ourselves, with our inner selves. If there's one person we can truly learn to rely on is us, because anything else can be taken away, but we will always be there. Anything else and everybody else can be ripped away from our life at any given moment, but we will always be there.
Speaker 2:So when your brain is fixating too much on affection, where your child is pulling away like all these things that the brain throws at us when things happen, it is an opportunity to go down and dig deeper and try to find out what this is about really. What need are you not fulfilling in yourself? Why are you running away from yourself and why does your brain want you to be so attached to your child Like? This is an opportunity to dig deep and you'll be surprised what you find that you will always be with you. So it is important to learn to be with you, always be with you. So it is important to learn to be with you. It is important to open up and see what it is that you don't see. You're doing an amazing job, mom. Keep going. You're raising another human. It is hard to raise another human being who has their own brain and thought processes. You want one thing for them and they want one thing for themselves. Of course you're going to feel a certain way many times, but it is okay, it is all part of the plan. Thank you so much for listening today. Talk to you again next week. Bye for now.
Speaker 2:What if you could feel in control of your reactions, even when your preteen is pushing all your buttons? I know it's tough, but I would love to help. That's why I created the year-less formula. If you want to stop, or at least reduce yelling and really build that connection that you want with your child, I would be honored to work with you. Just head over to wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching to grab a spot for a complimentary call to get a feel of what coaching is and how coaching works. Coaching will help you manage your reactions. Wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. See you there, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
