The Secret to Feeling Less Overwhelmed (Even When Organizing and Meal Prepping Aren’t Working)

You ever catch yourself yelling at your kid, even after swearing you wouldn’t? I’ve been there. No matter how many times you promise yourself, something just snaps. And honestly you're not alone.

 All the usual advice, like meal planning and strict schedules, doesn’t really help when what’s actually setting you off is something deeper.

I talk about noticing what’s happening in your brain when you’re about to lose it. Like, just pausing for a second, taking a breath, and paying attention to what you’re feeling instead of reacting right away. It sounds small, but it actually makes a huge difference.

I break it down in a way that makes so much sense—how your brain is wired, why you get so triggered, and how just being a little more aware of your emotions can help you stay calm. It’s not about stuffing down your feelings but learning to notice them so they don’t take over.

You should listen—it might help make things at home feel a little easier."

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.

Speaker 2: 0:37

Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, Motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Hello there, my friend. Welcome back to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast. This is episode number 46. My name is Esther Mbavazi.

Speaker 2: 1:22

You have tried everything you can to make your life easier Meal planning, strict routines, to-do lists, you name it and for a while it seemed to help. But then the chaos crept back in, and so did the yelling and snapping crept back in, and so did the yelling and snapping. Now, instead of feeling calmer, you're more overwhelmed than ever. It's frustrating. You're doing everything they told you would help, but it still feels like something is missing. Why isn't it working? Why are you still snapping at your children when all you want is to be a mom? They can't feel safe being around, and there's a reason it feels so hard. It's not because you're failing or because you're not trying hard enough. There's something deeper at play here, and once you understand it, everything starts to make sense. Maybe you felt this way too. I know I have. So let's get started. Real change starts deeper than that. Real change starts deeper than that. It's not about willpower. You can't force yourself to stop snapping or yelling in the heat of the moment, Because when you're frustrated, when you're angry, your brain is in survival mode. It's sounding an alarm and yelling feels like, or snapping feels like, the quickest way to release that pressure.

Speaker 2: 3:10

Emotions such as anger, happiness, sadness, joy all of them. They are not random. Every single one of them is fueled by what we are thinking. We may not always know what we are thinking, because sometimes our thoughts, I would like to say they go under the radar. What we think about shapes how we feel, and how we feel drives what we do or we don't do. Maybe you have thoughts like I'm the only one who cleans up around here, these kids never listening to me. Why can't I get this right? On the surface, these kinds of thoughts seem harmless, but they are like a fire under the pot. They keep the pot boiling, keeping the anger, the frustration, alive.

Speaker 2: 4:05

Here's what I learned over time, and it changed everything for me, the key is not fighting with the frustration or the anger or trying to suppress it or ignore it. The key is becoming aware of it. Let me say that again it is not about controlling the anger or the frustration or the rage. It's about becoming aware of it. When you feel anger or frustration or rage start to bubble up, pause just for a moment, Take a deep breath and say to yourself I'm feeling angry right now. In my program we call this notice and naming, noticing and naming, or we notice and name. That pause gives you space, just enough space to notice what is going on, instead of reacting on autopilot. When you pause, you become curious what am I thinking right now? I know this takes a little practice. It's not something that you do in a minute or in a day. You learn in a minute or in a day. It takes small, consistent steps. But when you slow down and you become curious, you look under the surface. And when you look under the surface to see what is going on, you are taking your power back from the anger and the rage and the frustration that they have over you. And this is when the real change begins to happen.

Speaker 2: 5:58

As human beings, we are wired with the ability to make our own choices. Scientists call it autonomy, but in normal everyday language we call it agency. We are wired to have agency over how we feel and what we do or not do to make choices in our own lives. It's a part of who we are. We can't get rid of it. So when something is threatening that agency, it frustrates us. It could be an endless to-do list with constant demands, heavy responsibilities. These all lead to feeling overwhelmed and they create resistance. Think about it. How often do thoughts like I have to do this. I'm the only one who ever cleans up here. I must do that. I have to get to that. How often do you have thoughts like that running in your brain, in your mind? Those thoughts seem harmless and innocent, but they carry a lot of weight with them. They lead you to feel stuck, powerless and filled with frustration, anger and anger and some sort of victim.

Speaker 2: 7:30

The moment that changed everything for me was when I noticed what I was saying. I started to see when I was saying things like I have to, I must, I need to. So I began to pause and reframe my sentences. Instead of I have to clean up, I'll tell myself, I choose to clean up because I want to live in a clean space. It feels different. It seems so subtle. Maybe it seems like splitting hairs, but you try it. When you say I have to do something, your brain goes in resistance mode. But when you reframe it this is why language is so important. When we are redoing our inner dialogue, when we are becoming aware of our inner dialogue, language is very important. You try it with me. Tell yourself you have to do something, you need to get to something, you must do something and take a moment to notice how it feels in your body and then try saying I choose to do ABC. It feels different. You feel like relief At least I do feel like relief and like a burden is lifted off my shoulders.

Speaker 2: 8:57

These kids don't listen to me. Of course they don't. They are kids and, to be honest, sometimes they listen because we I don't know about you, but to me sometimes I do these blanket statements. Kids don't listen to me, but there are times they listen. So when I walk around in my brain with a sentence like these kids don't listen to me, of course I'm going to feel angry and frustrated, but there are times that they listen and, to be honest, kids listen when what you're saying to them is interesting to them. I have never seen a child who refuses to go out for ice cream. When you call them to go out for ice cream Never. They sometimes listen. Other times they are busy with whatever they are doing. So be mindful of the way that you construct in a dialogue the sentences you're having with yourself in your brain. Maybe they don't listen because I called them at a time when they were busy. Maybe they are tired you know kids get tired the same way we do. Maybe they are fried their nervous system is fried from being in school for six hours. So maybe they need like, when you go back and look at what you're saying and look at your thoughts, a lot of the work we do in my program. That is where we are.

Speaker 2: 10:14

It's how to reframe, how to see how we are throwing around blanket statements, how the things that we say set in motion this chain of events that leads us to rage, to be frustrated, to be overwhelmed. These seem very subtle and almost insignificant, but that refrain is very powerful A reminder that you are not trapped. You are making a choice. Even in the chaos, even if it feels like you're the only one holding the fort together, you have the power to decide. And when you understand that, you get your power back. When you stop telling yourself you must do everything and start recognizing that you can choose to do things, it changes how you feel it really does. Instead of resentment bubbling up, there is a sense of control and purpose inside of you. You are no longer running on autopilot. You're stepping into your power to choose how you respond. It's not about perfection or getting it right every time. It's about catching those small, seemingly insignificant sentences in your brain and reframing them. Then feel like the capable, autonomous mom that you are.

Speaker 2: 11:46

I know it takes practice, it takes patience, it takes kindness to yourself, Because we many of us have been raised to think that mothers should figure these things out, like motherhood is the most natural thing that happens. It is not Many of us have to learn these things. We, like motherhood is the most natural thing that happens. It is not Many of us, have to learn these things. We were never taught. I did not go to a class. I went to university for five years and I did not hear of a class where they were teaching us how to raise another human. So we have to be kind to ourselves. We are just figuring these things out as we go. We are just figuring these things out as we go, and part of figuring things out as we go is making mistakes. Sometimes you get it right. Majority of the times you get it wrong, but you keep going. You treat yourself with kindness the same kindness you would treat a friend who is going through the same experience. When they sleep up and yell and they express frustration at their kids, you pick them up and tell them to continue going. They're doing a good job. You do the same thing to yourself.

Speaker 2: 12:55

I work with moms who feel completely stuck and I have watched many of them rebuild their connection with themselves. First, I have watched them change their thinking processes and be the mother that they want to be. I have experienced this myself. So every time you pause, you become curious and you're taking a step toward the man that you want to be. So the next time you feel the frustration arise, remember you have the power to choose. Thank you so much for listening today. Talk to you again next week. Take care of yourself, Be kind to yourself. We are all figuring out this motherhood concept. There is no parenting manual. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect anything. Talk to you again. Bye for now.

Speaker 2: 14:05

What if you could feel in control of your reactions, Even when your preteen is pushing all your buttons? I know it's tough, but I would love to help. That's why I created the Yearless Formula. If you want to stop, or at least reduce yearling and really build that connection that you want with your child, I would be honored. Just head over to wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching to grab a spot for a complimentary call to get a feel of what coaching is and how coaching works. Coaching will help you manage your reactions. Coaching will help you manage your reactions. Wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. See you there, Thank you.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.