Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
If Your Teen’s Behavior Feels Like A Personal Attack - Listen To This
That sting you feel when your preteen rolls their eyes or slams the door—it’s not just in your head. Your brain sees that moment as a real threat. Not because you’re overreacting, but because it’s wired to protect the connection between you and your child.
A long time ago, if a child pulled away or got separated from a parent, it was dangerous. And even though things are different now, your brain still responds the same way. That’s why your heart races. Your chest tightens. You feel hot or shaky. It’s your body’s way of saying, “Something’s not right.”
So when your child shuts you out with one-word answers or acts like they don’t care, it makes sense that staying calm feels hard.
And if you were the one who always kept the peace growing up, this kind of rejection can bring up a lot—like maybe you’re doing something wrong or failing somehow.
But you’re not broken. And you’re not too sensitive. Your reaction comes from how deeply you care.
You can hold limits with love. You can honor your feelings without letting them take over. You don’t have to fix your child to feel more steady inside. That calm, grounded version of you—it’s already there. Coaching helps you make space for her to show up, even when things are messy.
If you want to respond with more calm—even when your child is pulling away—visit masteryourownwellbeing.com/coaching.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 2:If you've read the books, taken the deep breath, counted to 10, gone for walks and still you find yourself yelling and snapping. This is for you, coming up. I'm hosting a free workshop that will change the way you think about staying calm. We are done managing symptoms like snapping and yelling with surface level fixes. In this workshop, we are solving the root cause why you cannot stop snapping, and how to stop snapping without relying on willpower, perfection and your children finally listening. You will learn why relying on willpower is not the best way to go, because willpower runs out, and what to do instead. Why snapping and yelling aren't your fault, and how to stop without shame, and a proven brain-based approach that helps you stay calm even when things are anything but calm. So if you're tired of gritting your teeth through motherhood challenges, you don't want to miss this workshop. This isn't about trying harder, becoming more patient. This is about trying something that actually works. Go to wwwmasteryourwellbeingcom. Forward slash register to save your spot. See you there. Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being, my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Hello there, welcome to episode number 53 of the Motherhood and the Brain podcast. My name is Esther Mbabazi.
Speaker 2:Today we are digging into something that hits close to home for so many of us why or what you do when your child starts acting in ways that feel cold, distant and outright disrespectful? You want to be okay with it. You know it's part of growing up. You understand that it's developmentally not unusual, but that does not stop the sting of the eye rolls or the pit in your stomach when the door slams, or the feeling of being shut out when your child gives you one-word answers and walks away like you're invisible. In those moments you might start to question yourself why is this getting to me so much? Why can't I let this roll off my back? Shouldn't I be past this by now? Maybe you have raised other kids who have done the same, but it stings the same way every time. So if you ever thought those things, this episode is for you. So let's get started, because what is happening isn't just emotional. It just emotional, it's biological, it's social. It's deeply human.
Speaker 2:Let's start with your brain. When your child slams the door or speaks with that edge in their voice, your body picks it up, or your brain and your body pick it up as a threat. Not just a social threat, but a primal one. Not just a social threat, but a primal one. The part of your brain that I call the protective brain on this podcast cannot always tell the difference between emotional pain and physical danger. So your body reacts, with your heart racing, your jaw tightening, your shoulders bracing, like you are under attack. You're not overreacting, you're reacting the way the brain that is wired for connection would react. The human brain is wired for connection.
Speaker 2:Thousands and thousands of years ago, staying close to your child wasn't just an emotional matter, it was a matter of survival. If a child wandered off from the group or the tribe and got separated from their caregiver, their chances of survival dropped dramatically. Chances of survival dropped dramatically. So our brain, the human brain, evolved to treat separation, even emotional separation, as a kind of danger. So when your child pulls away emotionally, when they stop confiding you, when they shrug you off or act like they don't care, your brain and your body don't just experience sadness or frustration. They experience it as a threat. So you might feel an urge to fix it immediately, a flood of anxiety when your teen shuts down, a sense of panic when they won't let you in a gripping fear. That sounds like what if I lose them? That is your brain saying. This bond is crucial. We need to restore it, and fast.
Speaker 2:So even if a part of you knows your child is just being a child Maybe they are preteen, maybe they are a teen the sighs, the eye rolls, the silence, the attitude there is another part of you that feels totally thrown off. When that happens it still reads the eye roll, the silence, the slammed doors as danger. That slammed door or that sharp tone feels like danger to that part of you, not the kind of danger your thinking brain understands, but the kind your protective brain was wired to detect. Your heart might race, your chest might tighten, you might feel heat rise in your face or like you need to say something immediately, not because you're dramatic or you're overreacting or you're emotional, but because your body is reacting as if your connection is at risk, because it is From the perspective of the protective brain. It is at risk At your core.
Speaker 2:That distance between you and your child can feel scary, almost like a danger signal, going off, feeling panicked, rejected or unsteady, when they shut you out or give you the silent treatment. Because, like I said, thousands and thousands of years ago, being disconnected from the group meant that that child was in danger, even it meant death. And that wiring still lives in your brain today. Your protective brain is wired to keep you bonded to your child for their survival and for your own survival. Bonded to your child for their survival and for your own survival. So when that bond feels shaken, your body sounds the alarm.
Speaker 2:You might try to stay calm. You might tell yourself this is normal, don't take it personally, they're just being a child. But your body is already gearing up, trying to protect you from something it perceives as dangerous, even if that danger is just a roll or a closed off silence. That is why staying calm can feel so hard. Not because you're failing, but because your protective brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Because in the protective brain's wiring, closeness keeps them safe. Closeness keeps us safe as human beings. So when that closeness is starting to get threatened or starting to slip away, it feels like the whole world is tilting, not because you're weak, but because your love for your child runs deep and your brain is doing what it has always done protecting that bond at all costs.
Speaker 2:We are wired. One of our deep instincts is to stay close and watch out for our young, to stay close and watch out for our young. We are wired to attune to their emotions and we are wired to matter to our children. So when your child starts pulling away, talking back or pushing your buttons, it feels personal, even when you understand it is not. And then there is what I call on this podcast, unconscious programming.
Speaker 2:Many of us, we are raised to be a nice girl, the peacekeeper, the one who holds the emotional glue together. So when conflict shows up, especially from our own child, it feels like we are failing, like we are doing something wrong, but we are failing them. But you are not doing anything wrong. You are not emotional, you are not weak, you are not overreacting for feeling all this. You are not too sensitive, you are not broken. You're just a mom who loves deeply and that love does not come with an on and off switch. So, yes, it stings when your child pushes you away. It hurts because it matters, and that doesn't mean you need to accept her or his rude behavior. You get to set boundaries from a place of love, because the goal here isn't to numb yourself or get over the pain. The goal is to recognize that your emotions aren't the problem.
Speaker 2:Those quiet moments, the deep breath, the small choices to stay grounded might seem tiny, but they are the doorway to the connection that you are longing for with your children. They are your signal that something matters deeply. If you want to feel grounded again, if you want to stop second-guessing yourself, if you want to show up in the hard moments without losing yourself in the hard moments, this is where it starts. It does not start with fixing your child. I think by now we know this, when we have reached this stage, we know this that it does not start with fixing them. It does not start with fixing them. It does not start with self-blame, but it starts with understanding how your brain, your body and your history are all working together in the background. This is what it looks like to be human. This is what it looks like to love deeply, to ride the waves of change and still stand tall in the storm.
Speaker 2:You don't need to be okay with your child's behavior, to be okay with yourself. You can still feel it all. You hold the boundaries and hold space for yourself and for them. You can be calm, grounded, even when things get messy. And, the best part, you don't have to do it all alone. This is where coaching comes in, because coaching is where you get to make space for you. You make space for your emotions, space for your growth and space for the vision of the mom that you want to be, even when things are hard.
Speaker 2:Maybe that mom is calm even when your child lashes out. Maybe that mom sets boundaries from a place of love and walks away without feeling guilty. Perhaps that mom feels confident in her choices, even when your child does not approve. Maybe that mom stops questioning whether she's failing and starts standing tall in who she is, standing tall in who she is. And that version of you, that version of the mom that you envision, that stands steady when the eye rolls come, that version of you who speaks with calm clarity, not guilt or fear. She is not like some perfect version of you. She is not like some middle person. This version of you, the version of the mom that you envision to be, is already inside you, waiting for room to breathe, and coaching helps clear the clutter so that version of you, that version of the mom that you want to be, can come out and lead.
Speaker 2:So, when we work together, we don't just talk about motherhood strategies Though, yes, we do that too, because true changes start on the inside, where the yelling and the snapping begin, where the calm is waiting to be found. We work on helping you respond from calm, not reactivity. And it is not about being emotionless, it's not about becoming some cyborg. It's about being able to feel everything without letting it knock you over, because the truth is you can't control your child, but you can absolutely become the grounded, steady, peaceful mom you want to be, no matter what's going on around you, and coaching can help you do that. I can hold your hand as you do that.
Speaker 2:You don't have to live in survivor mode. You don't have to carry the stress alone or pretend you're fine when you're not. There's a way to do motherhood that feels calmer, more grounded and less like a daily battle. You don't need any more tips. You don't need any more tips. What you need is a shift in how you approach things, and that shift starts the moment you decide that you matter too, when we work together, we don't talk about motherhood strategies.
Speaker 2:Like I said, we go on the inside. So do you matter? Ask yourself that question. Do you matter? Imagine you're standing on the bank of the river and the version of the man you want to become or want to be is on the other side of the river. Coaching helps you cross the river and come or go to the other side, and I can help you do that. You're worth it. If this resonated with you, if you're tired of second guessing yourself, if you're craving more calm and confidence in your motherhood journey, I want to invite you to take the next step. You can click the link below wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. We will talk about where you are, where you want to go and how I can help you get there. You don't have to wait for your child to change in order for you to feel better. Wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. You can start now. Thank you for listening today. Talk to you again next week. Bye for now.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
