Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
Avoid the #1 Thought That Keeps Moms Up at Night
Have you ever been lying in bed thinking,
“Why do I always mess up?” or “Why can’t I be more patient?”
That heavy feeling of guilt and shame doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re trying really hard to be perfect while your brain is just doing what it’s built to do.
Here’s the truth:
Your brain is wired to notice the bad stuff more than the good. That’s called negativity bias. So even if you were calm 10 times, your brain will focus on the 1 time you yelled. It’s not because you’re a bad mom; it’s because your brain is trying to keep you safe. But now, instead of helping, it’s making you feel worse.
And on top of that, most of us were taught that being a “good mom” means always putting others first and never needing help. So we’ll spend money on our kids’ sports or fixing the house, but when it comes to our mental health? We put it last.
Here’s the good news:
You don’t have to be perfect. You just need to be present.
Coaching gives your mind a place to slow down.
It helps you notice your thoughts before they turn into yelling.
It helps you respond instead of react.
When you learn how to calm your mind, everything feels easier—
• Less fighting in the house
• Closer connection with your kids
• More peace after a tough day
And best of all; your kids get to see what real strength looks like. Not perfection. But calm, kind leadership—even on the messy days.
Want to stop yelling and start feeling better about how you parent?
Join our free workshop and learn how to parent in a way that feels good for you, too.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 2:Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. You're listening to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast, episode number 55. My name is Esther Mbabazi.
Speaker 2:How are you doing? How are you really doing? I know I asked this question on the previous episode, but I have to ask you how are you really feeling? Take time, just calm around your body. How are you really feeling? How are you doing? What's going on with you Other than your kids and your spouse and other family members? What is going on with you kids and your spouse and other family members? What is going on with you? What are you doing today to improve your mental and emotional well-being? What smooth thing are you doing? And way to challenge you. From today onwards, every time when you're lying in bed, before you drift off to sleep, I want you to bring to the forebrain or your foremind two things that you did for yourself today.
Speaker 2:Two small things. It doesn't matter, it may be something small, like maybe you said no to something, maybe someone asked you to do something, and you say no Because no is a boundary that helps improve your well-being, your emotional well-being. When you say no instead of fearing and saying yes out of fear, you are protecting yourself, you are taking care of your mental well-being, your own well-being. So maybe you say no to something and you don't have to explain. Simple no is enough. Or maybe you did not engage in some drama Because, again, not engaging in drama is a form of self-love for yourself. You are prioritizing yourself by pulling yourself out of unnecessary drama, and that is a way of taking care of your own well-being. Two small things. Maybe you said no, maybe you did not engage in some drama. Two small things. They appear on the surface to be small, but they are very huge.
Speaker 2:Okay, enough with the rumbling, let's get started on today's episode. Do you ever have one of those nights where you lie in bed thinking why am I like this? Why did I snap again? Why can't I just be more patient? Maybe you have a sister, a cousin, a friend, you know someone who is patient and you are really comparing yourself to them and wondering why you are not like them. Maybe you ask yourself why does it feel so hard to be the man that I want to be? I never envisioned myself being this kind of mother. If you ever spiral down that hole of guilt and self-doubt, I want to tell you you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 2:This episode is for every mom who's ever thought that something might be wrong with them and felt the weight of that deep thought in their chest. Because what if the problem isn't you? What if? Just even consider this, what if you have been carrying the weight of impossible expectations, outdated messages and a brain that's been doing its job a little teeny, tiny, too well? So today we are having a different kind of conversation, one that leaves shame at the door and makes space for grace and kindness and curiosity and the kind of truth that can change everything. So let's go.
Speaker 2:First of all, I want to say this you are not broken, because many people think that they are broken. When they have thoughts like this, they think they are broken. You are not broken because many people think that they are broken. When they have thoughts like this, they think they are broken. You are not broken. You just have a human brain. There is nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 2:That question why am I like this? How do I even? Why am I not patient? How can I love myself more? All these questions, they come from a deeper place of exhaustion. These questions come from a place of giving, giving and more giving, only to lie in bed at night with the weight of guilt and shame and self-judgment pressing you down. Moms I work with who have similar situations say they want to love themselves or at least feel okay being themselves, but they have no idea where to start. They are stuck in a self-judgment loop, replaying every moment where they lost it and snapped or missed the mark, whether they lost it and snapped or missed the mark and deep down, these moms have been taught that love, forgiveness and worth have to be earned. But I'm here to tell you my truth, the way I understand things. Self-love isn't something you qualify for. It's something that you cultivate, and it starts with how you talk to yourself when no one is listening, the internal conversation that you have with yourself.
Speaker 2:Let's pull back the curtain and talk about why this is so hard, because this isn't just about willpower or mindset. There is a whole system looking against you. The first one is your brain. Your brain is wired to protect you. Your brain's main job is to make sure you survive. Your brain is scanning for danger, for the mistakes that might cause danger and anything that might go wrong, because the brain thinks this is how it keeps you safe. And it did millennia ago. It did millions, many years ago it did. This is what scientists call negativity bias. This is what scientists call negativity bias. It's why your brain clings to the one time you yelled, instead of the 10 times you showed up with love and kindness.
Speaker 2:And then there's this whole what I call unconscious programming, especially we women even men, but women we have been raised to believe that our worth is tied to how well we take care of other people. We have been programmed to hold it together, at least on the outside, to make it look like everything is pushed together, at least on the outside. We have been programmed to think that we need very little for ourselves. We put everyone ahead of us before we even consider ourselves. We have been taught to pour every ounce of anything that we have into our children, our homes, our appearances, but not into ourselves. We will spend money on the latest educational app, on bracelets for our kids, on their soccer gear, on skincare, on plastic surgery, on closet makeovers, but when it comes to our well-being, our inner well-being, we will doubt. We have to justify it. We think it is selfish, we think we are not worth it, we think we don't matter that much to spend some money on our own inner well-being.
Speaker 2:And I'm here to tell you that, yes, you do. You do deserve to spend some money on your own inner well-being, and coaching is what comes into mind. Coaching is like a gym for your mind. Coaching gives you space to notice your thoughts instead of drowning in there. Coaching teaches you how to question that inner voice instead of just obeying it. This is like a side note. The most important advice I have ever gotten in my life is not to believe everything my brain tells me, and coaching is what introduced me to that. I used to think that everything my brain threw at me was the absolute truth. Coaching helped me learn that. Oh no, I could question things that my brain offered me. Coaching helps you respond instead of reacting in situations. Coaching helps you build a relationship with yourself that isn't based on guilt or perfection, but on kindness, growth and curiosity.
Speaker 2:When you do this inner work, or thought work like we call it. You do not just feel better, you become better at holding hard moments. Of course you're less snap less. You recover faster. You show up more like the mom you want to be. Not because your kids magically behave well, no, but because you are grounded even when they are not, and your family feels this shift in you. Someone told me one time that I talk a lot about healing less and healing less and stopping healing and everything, and the reason that I do that is because studies show what healing at kids does to them. Of course I know when we are fully grown adults we can go on this journey of healing. I know, I understand that. But maybe you don't want to stop yelling, but at least you will do it from a place of intention. If you want to yell, you can totally do that. But what coaching will help you is choose that intentionally instead of it being like a reference, like your go-to, like your default reaction.
Speaker 2:When you have better mental health, the effects of that are felt or seen. The tension in the household eases. The connection deepens in your household between you and your kids. The repair after a hard moment happens quicker. Your kids grow up with real human example of what it is to be resilient and what resilience looks like, and that is what we call breaking generational cycles. When you are able to stop something that your parents did, that your grandparents did and their grandparents did, when you are able to stop that from your kids taking it in the future, that is what we call breaking generational cycles.
Speaker 2:But, like I said earlier, as moms we put ourselves last. We have to justify everything that we want to do for ourselves. I can't afford to spend that on myself. I should use that money for something else. I don't even know if it will work. But here is the thing you are already investing every single day. You are investing your time, your energy and your attention somewhere, somewhere that you don't even want to be, like. You are already questioning what's wrong with you, why you are not calm, da da da. You are investing your time and energy, space, brain space in that place, in a place that you don't want to be. So the question isn't if you should invest in yourself. It's where you want the investment to go. Do you want the investment to go into mobile stress or survival mode, or into peace, presence and long-term change?
Speaker 2:Your kids do not need a perfect mother. All they need is a present one. And that starts with how you feel in the moment. I just want to say one more time you are not not the problem. You are the foundation, and when the foundation is strong, everything else gets studied too. You are not selfish for wanting to feel good in your own mind and body. You are wise, you are brave, you're doing the inner work. Most people avoid no-transcript, so if you're listening, thinking this is what I need, but I'm scared, it's okay. Growth always feels scary and you don't have to do it alone. If you want support, if you're ready to build a strong inner foundation so you're fearless, you feel better, you reconnect with yourself, you break generational cycles of yearling. This is exactly what I help mums do inside of my coaching program. My coaching program is called the Year-less Formula, so these are the things that I teach other mums.
Speaker 2:Don't forget to register for the workshop about a unique approach to help you snap or yell less. It is a unique approach. It uses brain-based methods. It is not about tools and strategies. No, it is about understanding how your brain is functioning in the moment. We work in my program, when we are working on yelling less or snapping less. We go to the brain. We start with the brain. We don't start with tactics and strategies. They are good along the road, but the first place is to understand what is going on, what is happening. So that's what we do in the Yeldess program. So come on the webinar on the workshop and you will learn this technique.
Speaker 2:Thank you for now. Talk to you again next week. Bye for now. What if you could feel in control of your reactions, even when your preteen is pushing all your buttons? I know it's tough, but I would love to help. That's why I created the year-less formula. If you want to stop, or at least reduce yearling and really build that connection that you want with your child, I would be honored to work with you. Just head over to wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching to grab a spot for a complimentary call to get a feel of what coaching is and how coaching works. Coaching will help you manage your reactions. Wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. See you there, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. And share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
