Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
Feel Proud of How You Handle the Hardest Motherhood Moments
Ever wonder what happens in that tiny moment between your preteen slamming a door or rolling their eyes—and you reacting? That split second feels intense, like your heart is racing and your chest is tight. And believe it or not, what happens in that moment can change everything, how you feel, how your child responds, and what your relationship looks like in the long run.
In this episode, I share a surprising story that has nothing to do with parenting, but everything to do with what’s really going on when you feel like you're about to lose it. You’ll start to see your reactions in a whole new way.
This isn’t about being perfect or never getting upset. It’s about what’s possible when you understand what’s really behind those big feelings, and how you can keep your cool, even when your kid is pushing all your buttons.
Want to feel more in control and less like you're riding an emotional rollercoaster?
Head to masteryourwellbeing.com/coaching to learn how working with me can help you handle hard moments with more calm and confidence.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 2:Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. To share a brief disclaimer I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Welcome back to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast. This is episode number 56. My name is Esther Mbabazi.
Speaker 2:Like I said in the previous episode, what two small things have you done for yourself today? I want you to make it a practice every time you go to bed. I'm now assuming that maybe you're listening to this at the end of the day. Let us say you're listening to it in the morning. I want you to spend your day to find two positive things that you will do today. If it is in the evening. Two small things. Two positive things that you did today for yourself. Did you think something positive about yourself? Did you give yourself acknowledgement for something that you did? Did you treat yourself with grace and kindness when something did not go the way you expected it to? Did you become curious about a thought your brain threw your way? When your brain throws something like something at you, did you just take it as a whole or did you take it and look at it like, hmm, I wonder what this is about? And in order for you to know that what you are thinking is positive or helps you, you feel it in your body. You feel like there is a vibration, a movement and a sensation in your body. So I want you to try and look for that. Okay, let's get started on today's episode.
Speaker 2:So I just want to say that I don't consider myself claustrophobic, but there's something about driving through tunnels, especially longer tunnels, that terrifies me. A few years ago I avoided driving through tunnels altogether, at least longer tunnels altogether, especially the ones where I did not see the end. I would reroute, take the longer way to skip the part where I had to be in a tunnel. So mastering driving through tunnels was one of the first things that I got coaching on many years ago. So I had not driven through a longer tunnel. Well, until last week, the road sign outside of the tunnel said 2.8 kilometers, but to me it appeared to be over 5 kilometers. I know my coach says I'm very dramatic, but I don't know. That is what it felt.
Speaker 2:To me it was a two-way traffic no exits, no shoulder and the moment I entered the tunnel, my heart was pounding so hard. It felt like someone was slamming against my chest, someone was beating a drum inside of my ribcage and I'm not exaggerating, that is how it felt. My mouth went dry, my throat was tight and I felt like I had needles in my throat. My fingers gripped the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping me safe, and I could feel my body going higher and higher in alertness. Then I had a window I don't know what to call it of opportunity of noticing, but I had a window and I started noticing and naming what was happening.
Speaker 2:So this conversation was going on in my head, because I was alone in the car this time. So I started thinking hmm, my heart is pounding so hard right now, my mouth is dry and my throat is tight. It feels like it is closing up or there are needles in there. Oh, this is because my brain thinks something has gone wrong. This is fear. Okay, I describe it as terror. Again, my coach says I'm very dramatic. So, but to me this is terror. So I was like this is fear, this is terror. It's intense, it is uncomfortable, but it is not dangerous. It is okay to feel fear. It is okay to feel terrified, but we are okay, brain, we are safe. There is no immediate threat. Now go back in the back seat and let me drive, and we are fine. Slowly, my grip on the steering wheel softened and my breath started to become clearer and the terror like I want to call it, the feeling of terror started to release its grip on me. It did not vanish, no, but it stopped controlling me.
Speaker 2:And this same experience shows up in motherhood. When your child talks back, when she slams the door in your face, when you try to talk to her when the screen is still on and it is way past bedtime, when the screen is still on and it is way past bedtime when your children bicker at the dinner table, you feel it in your body. Your chest tightens, maybe you have a dry mouth and you feel buzzing tension, just like in the tunnel. Your brain reacts very fast. Your brain doesn't like discomfort, much like mine. It does not like not being in control. So your brain screams yell, snap, do something, make this stop. The urge to yell feels urgent, familiar and almost automatic. It's not because you're failing, it's just your brain trying to escape the discomfort in the moment.
Speaker 2:The thing is, when you give into the urge to hear, it feels in the moment. It feels like your brain is regaining control, like you're doing something to stop this chaos. But underneath that reaction is something deeper there is a fear that you're not being respected. There is a fear that you are not enough, that you are failing in the one place you want most to get it right. And when the yelling stops and the silence settles in, you are left alone with those thoughts, the guilt, the shame and the whispers. This isn't the mom. I want to be become louder.
Speaker 2:But the real pain isn't what happened between you and your child. It's what it stirs up inside of you and I have since learned that this isn't about being more patient, it's not about never feeling triggered. It's about what happens in the moment and when the tension is already there, when your body is sounding, the alarm, you remember this is discomfort, it is uncomfortable. It feels almost like an emergency, like something you have to attend to, but you don't have to. It is not dangerous and that changes everything, because the urge to yell, that pull for you to react. It doesn't mean something has gone wrong. It means your brain is trying to help in the way it knows how. And now that you know that that way is not helpful, you know how to calm it down.
Speaker 2:And this is where coaching comes in. Coaching isn't just about tools to manage your children's behavior, but it is about the awareness to manage your own experience in the moment. Your own experience in that moment, when your child is melting down, is shouting at you, is slamming a door, because there are two things going on your child is slamming doors in your face and rolling their eyes, and then there is your reaction to that is your reaction to what is going on. So coaching helps you first of all manage your own reaction to what is going on before you can address what is going on. This is what coaching does. It brings awareness to you about how you are contributing to situations, even when you don't know you are.
Speaker 2:Because many of us think I used to think that, like I used to think, my kids were the problem. They made me yell, they made me want to climb up the wall. Okay, they do things, my kids do things, but between what my kids are doing and me, there's space there my kids do not have the means to go in my brain and do things for me. No, it is what I was thinking about their behavior, or lack of behavior that made me yell, and I was able to see this through coaching. Something is happening, but how you are interpreting it and how you're showing up is what makes the whole thing spiral. So coaching brings you that awareness of how you are showing up when things are going down, because when you stay with yourself through this I want to call it storm you don't spiral into guilt and shame later.
Speaker 2:You do not lie in bed at night replaying every moment, wondering if your relationship with your kids is damaged. Learn how to manage your own reactions to your kid's behavior. You go to bed feeling steady. You feel aligned, like you showed up as the man that you want to be. So the ability to notice what's happening before you get swept up in the moment is what coaching does.
Speaker 2:When your child is rolling their eyes at you or slamming doors in your face when you try to talk to her, or when your child is trying to pull you into arguments, the ability to notice what is going on before you are pulled in in the argument is what coaching does the ability to let the wave of frustration, the rising heat in your chest, to let that ride in the backseat, like I said, in the tummy, while you stay connected to the mom you want to be, while you respond with intention instead of impulse. This is all what coaching does. So if you've been trying to yell less, to snap less, trying to stay calm through eye rolls, arguments and slam doors and it feels like it is too much for you, you are not doing it wrong. You are not emotional, you are not broken. You are just in a turn and there is a way through, even when the urge is very loud, because sometimes it feels like you have to do something. Right now, the brain is like don't you see how they're behaving? Are you just going to let them do that? Are you just going to let them speak to you like that do something, do something. That urge to do something is just the brain feeling discomfort and it wants you to act so it does not feel discomfort. You just have to create space for that urge to be there without you acting on the urge. And this is what coaching does. You create space for the urge to yell, want to yell, you want to snap, like everything in you is screaming. Yeah, you just notice it. We call that creating space for it. You notice what your brain is doing. It's sounding on column.
Speaker 2:One of my teachers uses this analogy of you are in a hotel and the fire alarm goes off. You don't rush out in the corridors, you sit still and wait for the next instruction and while you're sitting still, that alarm is blaring. It feels uncomfortable, but it is not dangerous. You know it is not dangerous. You know it is not dangerous. It is just a sound that makes noise, but you can't sit through it as you wait for the next instructions. So it is the same thing. When your kids are doing things or not doing things and your brain is like do something, are you just going to sit there? Are you just going to let them speak? Like that? Act now. It is uncomfortable but it is not dangerous. You just have to sit with it and examine it and go in your body and find. Remember how I said my throat was tightening up. You could go in your body and find out where it is and look at it and become fascinated. You know, and before you know it, it will pass. And when it passes, then you can respond with intention. But when you respond when the alarm is blaring, you are just going to react and add fuel to the fire. So if you would like me to help you, go to wwwmasteryourwellbeingcom forward slash coaching and sign up for a session, just for you to see what coaching is about. Thank you so much for listening. Talk to you again. Bye for now.
Speaker 2:What if you could feel in control of your reactions, even when your preteen is pushing all your buttons? I know it's tough, but I would love to help. That's why I created the year-less formula. Want to stop, or at least reduce, yelling and really build that connection that you want with your child. I would be honored to work with you. Just head over to wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom forward slash coaching to grab a spot for a complimentary call to get a feel of what coaching is and how coaching works. Coaching will help you manage your reactions. Wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom forward slash coaching. See you there, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
