Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
Could Letting Go Of This Be The Relief You Need As a Mom?
This week on the podcast:
You’re doing all the things; showing up, staying calm (most of the time), trying to say the right words—and yet somehow, it still feels like you’re failing when your kid rolls their eyes, slams the door, or pushes you away.
In this episode, we’re digging into the unspoken rules so many moms carry about how our kids “should” behave… and what it says about us when they don’t.
These quiet expectations are sneaky and exhausting. They make everyday moments feel like personal attacks and leave you questioning your worth as a mom.
But what if the freedom you’re craving isn’t in doing more or getting your kids to act a certain way… but in letting go of something you didn’t even realize you were holding?
We’re going there today.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
That's the shift and that's where your peace lives. Let me say something that is a hard truth that also brings immense relief. Your children have agency, or free will, the same way that you do. Your children, your beautiful, adorable children have their own thoughts, emotions and their own nervous systems that shape how they respond to life, including you. Your children are still growing and learning, but they are not blank slits. They have developing brains wired with their own fears, desires and motivations.
Speaker 1:So, while your guidance matters deeply, you still cannot control how your children choose to respond to your guidance. You can influence them, yes, you can model, invite, you can connect, empathize, redirect and set boundaries, but you still cannot control how they respond to all those things. And trying to control how they respond will leave you tired, resentful and constantly wondering why everything feels so hard. Resentful and constantly wondering why everything feels so hard. Trying to control another human being, even yourself, means you are always managing. You are always micro-adjusting, you are searching for the next script, the next system, the next tip, the next hack to get things right. It's like holding your breath and chasing a moving target. You think once they cooperate, once I get it right, then I can be able to breathe, or I can breathe again. Then I'll be fine, then I'll feel okay. The goalpost keeps moving because your emotional piece is tied to something that is outside of your actual control.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 1:Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening from wherever you're listening in from, welcome to another episode of the Motherhood Underbrain Podcast. This is episode number 60.
Speaker 1:My name is Esther Mbabazi. Well, how are you doing today? How are you feeling? How is the weather? Where you're listening in, from when I live, it's gray, gray. Outside it looks like an October day, like late October day. That is how gray it is here.
Speaker 1:Usually in May around this time it is sunny, maybe a little bit of cold breeze, but this May, we don't know. I think we have had maybe two, three days where we did need to wear a jacket, a light jacket. So that's where we are and, from what we know on this podcast, the weather goes in the situation line, the inner coaching model approach. The weather goes in the S line, the situation line, and then we get to choose what we think about the weather. The weather is a neutral circumstance. We get to choose what we think about it. And in my case, I think it should be sunny. And when I think it should be sunny and it is not sunny, I feel frustrated. And when I feel so, yeah, I'm convinced it should be sunny and it is not, and yeah, I'm not having a good time, I'm attaching my inner well-being to the weather, the weather that is outside of my control, which brings me to today's episode.
Speaker 1:Many of us don't realize we are living by what I want to call a hidden script. Until we are very overwhelmed, we are yelling or crying behind a locked bathroom, wondering why motherhood feels so hard. That hidden script is what we call a manual, and it might be the single biggest reason you are so emotionally exhausted. A manual is your internal instruction guide for how your kids should behave, so that you feel okay. It is not written down. You probably didn't even know you had one until today, but it runs like a code in the background of your mind, silently dictating. A manual dictates how your kids should respond when you're trying your best, how your spouse or partner should show up when you're underage, how your mom should support you and not criticize your parenting style, how strangers in traffic at the supermarket should react when your child is having a meltdown and how your child should behave while you're out there in public. And when these people or your children do not follow that script the one that is running at the back of your mind you feel frustrated, you feel hurt, unseen and out of control, and that pain sometimes spills out through yelling, snapping, withdrawing, spiraling into shame or silence.
Speaker 1:Manuals aren't just for other people. You have one for yourself too. It runs deep within you how you expect yourself to show up as a mother. You might have a manual that says I know, I sometimes have this. You should know how to handle a teenager who is going through emotional turmoil. You should be able to comfort a teenager who is going through emotional turmoil. You should be able to comfort your child no matter what. You should be calm, wise, available, responsive all the time.
Speaker 1:So when your child is sobbing and won't let you in, or your teen is stuck in a spiral that you can't fix, you don't just feel helpless, you feel like a failure, even though the truth is, sometimes our children do not want to be comforted. Sometimes they need space, sometimes they need time, but your mania says a good mom would know what to do. So you blame yourself when you can't make it better. And it does not stop there. You might have a manual that tells you you're supposed to do it all Bake the cupcakes for the school project that is due tomorrow, wrap up your work project before bedtime, drive everyone to their activities, remember the failed trip form that you're supposed to sign and send back, show up with a smile.
Speaker 1:While doing all the above, except, you are a human being, and when you inevitably can't keep up with this impossible pace, you don't just feel tired, you feel like you are doing something wrong. So you turn to your manual and use it as a measuring stick to judge your worth. Instead of asking what do I need to do right now, you ask what's wrong with me? Why can't I keep up? Here is something that many of us were not taught, pap. Here is something that many of us were not taught Our freedom, our peace come when we drop the manuals, both for ourselves and for other people. And this does not mean that you will not ever feel disappointed or frustrated or angry. Of course you will, because you are human. But the difference is when you stop believing that your children or your ability to do it all are responsible for your emotional well-being. You stop making every setback or rejection feel personal. You stop tying your worth to how your children respond or don't respond. You stop measuring your own success by how perfectly you can hold it all together. That's the shift and that's where your peace lives.
Speaker 1:Let me say something that is a hard truth that also brings immense relief. Your children have agency or free will, the same way that you do your children. Your beautiful, adorable children have their own thoughts, emotions and their own nervous systems that shape how they respond to life, including you. Your children are still growing and learning, but they are not blank slits. They have developing brains wired with their own fears, desires and motivations. So, while your guidance matters deeply, you still cannot control how your children choose to respond to your guidance. You can influence them, yes, you can model, invite, you can connect, empathize, redirect and set boundaries, but you still cannot control how they respond to all those things. And trying to control how they respond will leave you tired, resentful and constantly wondering why everything feels so hard.
Speaker 1:Trying to control another human being, even yourself, means you are always managing, you are always micro-adjusting. You are searching for the next script, the next system, the next system, the next tip, the next hack to get things right. It's like holding your breath and chasing a moving target. You think once they cooperate, once I get it right, then I can be able to breathe, or I can breathe again, then I'll be fine, then I'll feel okay. The goalpost keeps moving because your emotional piece is tied to something that is outside of your actual control. So what happens when you drop the manuals?
Speaker 1:When you drop the manuals, those inevitable scripts that are running at the back of your mind, those unwritten rules of how your children should behave, you begin to cultivate relationships that are rooted not in fear or control, but in mutual respect and authenticity. Instead of reacting to every eye roll, every slammed door, every moody silence as a personal attack or motherhood failure, you start to see those moments for what they are. They are invitations to take a pause, reflect and choose how to respond. How to respond Without the manual. You stop trying to treat your children as pieces in a chess game, pieces that you move around to get what you want, and in doing so you create space for deeper emotional trust and honesty. Your kids no longer have to perform for your approval. They no longer have to put on a show for your approval. You no longer have to pretend that you are unfazed or perfectly calm all the time when they do things that maybe your sets of values does not agree with.
Speaker 1:The relationship between you and your children becomes more real and more open. And the funny thing is, when you release your grip, your influence on your children grows. You may not always agree with what your children do, and your children may not always agree with what you do or say, but they begin to respect you with what you do or say. But they begin to respect you, especially when they see that you are willing to respect them as full human beings. And over time, you start to appreciate the very moments that once triggered you.
Speaker 1:Because it's often in those moments when your children are challenging you, they are pushing back, they are pulling away. It is in those moments that your own unhealed expectations are revealed. Let me repeat, that is very important In the moments when your children are pushing back, they are challenging you, they are pulling away. It is during those moments that your own unhealed expectations are revealed. They come to the surface. So, instead of feeling threatened by what comes up to the surface. You learn how to create space for it. That's the term we use in my program. We create space for it. We sit with the discomfort of whatever is bubbling up for us.
Speaker 1:You begin to respect your children, not just as your children, but as people who, in challenging you, are helping you grow is one thing. Becoming aware that you have a manual and all these things is one thing. But mastering how to live differently, how to drop the manual, how to hold boundaries and set boundaries from a place of love and not control, and how to respond instead of reacting these are skill sets that many of us were not taught growing up. But luckily or fortunately, coaching gives you that. Coaching gives you a mirror to look at your own thinking with compassion. Coaching gives you tools to separate your triggers from the facts. Coaching gives you the ability to unhook your worth from everyone else's behavior. And coaching gives you the confidence to parent without riding the roller coaster of your children's moods or emotions or reactions. So in coaching, in my program, I teach moms to stop trying to control what isn't theirs. For example, their child's emotions and reactions are for the child. They are not for the mom to control. The mom has her own thoughts, boundaries, calm and their voice to control. And when you master this, this is how you start to yell less, not by forcing your kids to comply, but by creating steadiness inside of yourself that, no matter what storm is happening around you, you stay grounded within you, and that I think that is what scientists call emotional maturity, it's self-trust and that's where our peace lies.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening today. Look around, take a notepad my teacher used to say, take a clipboard and start noting. Look all the areas where great awareness around the manuals that you have. You are not doing anything about the manuals, no, you're just observing. You're just looking and seeing where all these manuals are within yourself and with your children. That is where we begin. We start with awareness, bringing awareness. Thank you so much for today. Talk to you again next week. Bye for now. Thank you for tuning in today. Talk to you again next week.
Speaker 2:Bye for now. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
