Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
The Motherhood Pattern You Never Chose (But Keep Repeating)
Ever wonder why you react in ways you later regret, with yelling, snapping, or shutting down?
In this episode, we explore what's really behind those parenting moments and why your child's behavior isn't the true trigger.
You'll hear how a small but powerful shift can change everything, plus a story of a mom who turned constant conflict into calm connection.
If you're tired of reacting and ready to respond with intention, this one's for you.
What You’ll Walk Away With:
- A surprising source of your parenting reactions
- A small mindset shift that holds big impact
- One mom’s story of staying grounded even when her tween pushed back
- How to start showing up as the parent you want to be
Mentioned in the Episode:
Learn more about coaching support at masteryourownwellbeing.com/coaching
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional, certified coach, esther Babazi.
Speaker 2:Before we begin, I want to share a brief disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other licensed mental health professional. On this podcast, motherhood and the Brain, I share what has personally helped me improve my mental and emotional well-being. My hope is that by sharing my experiences I might help even one mother out there who is struggling. Hello there, welcome back to another episode of the Motherhood on the Brain podcast. This is episode number 63. My name is Esther Mbabazi Babazi.
Speaker 2:Well, summer is finally here. After the whole rainy month of May, it seems like we have started June on a good note, even though we know that the weather is a neutral circumstance. It does not affect our inner being, but well, it does. In my case, I have to work around managing my mind when it comes to the weather. Sometimes I think the weather has a lot to do with my inner state, which of course it doesn't. But well, yeah, that's it. So let's get started on today's episode.
Speaker 2:How is the weather where you live? How are you feeling? Are you also like me? You feel better when the sun is out. How are you feeling in your body? How is like your chest? Do you have a knot? Do you have flushing in your body. How is your chest? Do you have a knot? Do you have a flushing in your face? Are you flushed? Are you red? Do you have a knot in your stomach? Do you feel like your throat is closing up? These sensations indicate how we feel in a given moment. Okay, let's begin today's episode. Do you ever find yourself thinking why did I react like that? Maybe it was a snappy comment, a silent shutdown, or pushing through when you were already at your limit, and afterwards you replay it in your head, wishing you could undo or explain it away.
Speaker 2:The truth is, most of us don't even realize what's actually driving those moments. We think it's the mess, the noise, the never-ending to-do lists, our boss, our spouse, our kids. But underneath all that, there is something quieter, something that is more powerful. Until we see it, we stay stuck in patterns. We didn't choose, but feel powerless to change. Today, I want to show you a different way to understand what's happening deep down inside you, one that creates a real power, real clarity and real choice. Here's the truth.
Speaker 2:The moms I work with are surprised when I tell them that the reason we yell, snap or lose it at our kids, at our spouse, at our colleagues, is not because of what our kids are doing, it's not because what our spouse said, it's not because what our boss did or did not do, it's not because homework arguments are exhausting the reason that we lose. It is because of what we are thinking in those moments. When you break it down, every result we have in our motherhood journey or motherhood experience from the moments we are calm to the moments we are not calm all these can be traced back to our thoughts, because here is how it works what you think creates a certain feeling in your body, and that feeling derives what you do or you don't do, and what you do creates a result in your life. So, for example, if your result is yelling at bedtime, it's not because of your child arguing about extended screen time or their refusal to hand over their phone. It's a thought that flashed through your mind. For example, something like they don't respect me, I don't have my kids under control. Many of these thoughts are on autopilot 90% okay, I don't have the real data here, but around 90% of our thoughts are running in the background like mental autopilot, ground, like mentor autopilot, and a lot of our thoughts were wired into us a long time ago, from our childhoods, from our parents, from the environment. We grew up in environments that dictated how a good mom is supposed to be. That is why change can feel so hard because you are running on programming you did not consciously choose. Let me repeat that Change can feel so hard because you are running on programming you did not consciously choose. But the good news is that programming is not permanent.
Speaker 2:When you learn how to pause and notice what you're thinking, especially in the middle of challenging moments, you open the door to choosing something new. I call this the inner pause. In my program. When I work with moms, I teach them how to build the inner pause, that moment between what is happening and their reaction, the moment between what is happening, what your child is doing or not doing and your reaction. There is a very small moment in there and that is what I call the inner pause. Inside that pause, you notice what you're thinking and you see how it's fueling the frustration, guilt, shame, anger, rage, everything. Then you decide what you want your response to be. You choose a thought that supports that response.
Speaker 2:Let me give an example. Your child is arguing about homework and before you say anything to them, you take a break, a small mini micro break, and you see what you are thinking. You look at what you're thinking. It can be he is going to fail, he will not thrive in the world, he doesn't want to study Whatever things that come up they usually come up for me too and then you are going to feel, maybe overwhelmed, maybe you're going to feel scared. Now, if you do not take a break, you will take an action from your automatic wiring, maybe you will yell at them, maybe you will force them to sit at the table, maybe you will say things I don't know different things that we say, but when you take a break an inner things I don't know different things that we say but when you take a break, an inner pause, like we call it you can see that maybe your child is struggling with whatever subject it is, maybe they are tired, maybe they need help, but they don't know how to ask for help. Or they are tired but they don't know how to say I'm tired. So instead they get into arguments and then you choose from all those lines that I just gave.
Speaker 2:You can choose a thought, a different alternative thought, instead of going the reactive, automatic way. For example, imagine your children are fighting and you think I can't handle this. That thought, that sentence, I can't handle it will probably create overwhelm. And when you do not take the inner pause, you will react from overwhelm. And when you react from overwhelm, maybe you will yell at them or you will walk away or you will whatever. It is that you may do different things, actions, but if you take the inner pause, micro pause, you may see things from another angle. Maybe they are having a hard time they are not giving me a hard time but they are having a hard time between each other and even just saying that, you will feel your body soften and that shift might create grace and kindness. And from grace and kindness and from grace and kindness, you will respond differently. You parent the way that you want to parent, not the way that you were wired to parent. And here is where it gets a little deeper.
Speaker 2:The thoughts that create our yelling moments often come from long-held beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts that we have been thinking for a long time and they just stuck. Now we don't even know they are thoughts, we just think it is something that someone does. But they were thoughts in the first place and they were on replay, on loop. We no longer notice them. We no longer see that they are thoughts. For example, a belief can be something like I'm a bad mother if I don't have it all together. Another thought could be. Another belief could be if my children don't listen, I must be failing. Another belief can be my children do not listen to me unless I yell.
Speaker 2:These beliefs sound extreme, but they often sit below the surface. We picked them up through lived experiences. Maybe we were told we were too much when we were growing up, or maybe you were told you were not enough. Or maybe you were told you were not enough, or maybe you were expected to be the strong one who held everything together. So now that your children are being children and doing children things, you think there is something wrong with you. So until you see those beliefs for what they are, you can't change them. You don't have to keep believing them, but you are not your old programming. You can choose new beliefs on purpose, with intention. New beliefs can sound like I'm allowed to be a human being and still be a good mother. Another belief can be calm is something I can create, even in challenging times. I can create, even in challenging times, another new belief that you can create can be. I don't need to yell to be heard. The key to making new beliefs stick is not perfection, it's repetition, repetition and emotion. When you feel the truth of a new belief and practice it in real moments, it starts to override the old programming or the old wiring, and that is how change happens. Change does not happen by becoming someone else. Change happens by becoming more of what you want to be, maybe calm, grounded or strong.
Speaker 2:I don't think that you were never meant to live in a loop of yelling and guilt. I don't think that's who you are. It's just something that your brain picked up along the way, and anything that your brain picked up along the way and anything that your brain picked up along the way can be put down. Anything that your brain learned can be unlearned, can be rewritten, can be rewired. You don't have to wait for your children to behave differently. You can start now by noticing one thought, one feeling, one micro-moment of pause. That's how moms with year-less, year-less not by trying harder, but by thinking differently.
Speaker 2:The truth is you can understand all of this how your thoughts create your feelings, how your feelings shape the way you feel, the way you react the way you respond, the things you do and don't do, but you still find yourself stuck in the same cycle day after day. And this is not because you're broken, but this is because your brain is a very efficient machine. Your brain will always default to what's familiar, especially when you're tired, you're overwhelmed, you're overworked. Coaching gives you a way out of that loop, of that loop. It's a space where you get to slow down, get curious and see your patterns with kindness, grace and not judgment. Coaching is a space where someone helps you find the invisible beliefs that are driving your reactions and show you how to shift them without shame or pressure. It's not about fixing you. It's about helping you see that you were never broken in the first place.
Speaker 2:One of my clients shared recently how this played out in real life. Played out in real life. Her 12-year-old has been begging almost daily to have TikTok and Snapchat apps on her phone. She said before working with me, that daily battle left her defeated and unsure. She spiraled into thoughts like maybe I'm too strict, maybe I'm the only parent saying no, I just want her to stop asking. And from that place she would either give in out of guilt or snap and yell out of exhaustion. But after working with me, she showed up differently. But after working with me, she showed up differently. She was able to pause in the moment and anchor herself in a new belief. I can be empathetic and still hold my boundaries. I'm allowed to say no, even when my child does not like it. She saw clearly how much her child wanted to fit in. She remembered what that was like wanting to belong, not to feel left out and instead of reacting, she leaned in with kindness and grace. She acknowledged to her child how hard it must be, but she still held her firm boundary. That small but powerful shift changed everything. She did not yell, she did not cave. She just stayed calm, even in the middle of begging, begging in the middle of the eye rolls and in the middle of the slammed doors, because she wasn't trying to control her child or her child's reaction anymore. This mom was grounded in her own reactions and responses and that, that, my friend, is the power of coaching. It helps you to connect to the mom that you want to be and then actually live as her. One moment at a time, you begin to see that peace isn't something that happens once the house is quiet or the kids are compliant. It's something you learn to create from within, no matter what is going on around you. So if you've ever wondered, is it really possible for me to stay calm when everything is falling apart? Yes, my friend, it is, and coaching is how you make that shift possible and permanent. So if you'd like to work with me, go to wwwmasteryourownwellbeingcom. Forward slash coaching. I do these calls myself. See you there. Thank you so much for listening today. Talk to you again next week. Bye, for now.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.
