Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Motherhood & The Brain
Breaking The Pattern
Ever stood in your kitchen, overwhelmed by noise and chaos, and suddenly found yourself yelling at your kids, again?
That familiar wave of guilt follows, leaving you wondering why you can't stay calm despite your best intentions.
Drawing an unexpected parallel to Neo's red candy moment in The Matrix, this episode reveals what's actually happening in your brain during those triggering motherhood moments.
Your brain isn't broken, it's following efficient neural pathways it has developed over time. When you've unconsciously learned that yelling gets results, your brain reaches for that shortcut under pressure, not because you're failing as a mother, but because it's running on outdated programming.
The key insight lies not in eliminating yelling altogether, but in expanding that split second between trigger and reaction. That brief pause, like Neo hesitating before taking the candy, holds the power to transform your mothering experience. As you become aware of the pattern, that space widens, creating room for choice and intentionality.
This episode offers compassionate understanding rather than judgment, helping you see that the path forward isn't about being perfect, but about becoming conscious of unconscious patterns. The journey begins with awareness, recognizing the moment before you react.
That awareness itself is the first step toward freedom and becoming the mother you truly want to be. Your yelling isn't a character flaw; it's simply your brain doing what brains do.
And with the right support, you can rewire those pathways to create new, more intentional responses to the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
“I never wanted to be the mom who yells…”
But here you are, raising your voice, snapping over small things, saying things you wish you could take back.
You love your kids more than anything.
And you know they don’t deserve a mom who yells.
You just don’t know how to stop; especially when they won’t listen, talk back, or push every single boundary.
👉 The 60-second Yell Less Reset quiz is your first step toward change.
Already taken by many moms who wanted to break the yelling cycle.
Based on the science of how your brain responds to stress, this quiz goes beyond surface-level tips.
It helps you pause, uncover what’s really fueling those outbursts, and start shifting the pattern before it spirals again.
You’ll discover:
✅ Your personal Reset; so you can get your kids to listen without needing to yell, threaten, or give in
✅ It’s not just their behavior; it’s the moment you feel like nothing you say matters
✅A clear next step to help you stay calm and in charge; even when your kids are testing every boundary
If your brain has learned that yelling gets you attention, that reacting quickly is how you stay in control, that calm gets ignored, your brain is going to reach for that shortcut when things feel overwhelming. This is not about you being a bad mother. No, this is about your brain doing its job, but with an outdated map. Welcome to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast, where overworked, stressed out moms come to breathe, reset and remember they are not alone. My name is Esther Mbabazi. I am a mom and a certified coach, and I hope you understand what's really going on in your brain when the pressure builds and yelling feels like the only option. On this podcast, we talk about real-life motherhood moments, the kind that push your buttons, and how to meet them with calm, clarity and self-compassion, not because you're doing it wrong, but because no one ever taught us how to do it differently. This is your space to pause and make the shift from reaction to intention. Let's get started. Just a quick note this podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't a substitute for therapy, medical treatment or medical advice. Please reach out to a licensed professional if you need personal support. Hello there, welcome back to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast. This is episode number 65, and my name is Esther Mbabazi. How are you doing? How are you feeling?
Speaker 1:On this podcast, we are very preoccupied with feelings, because our feelings drive everything that we do or do not do. That is why we are very preoccupied with how we feel. So how are you really feeling? Are you feeling annoyed? Are you feeling angry? Are you feeling happy? Are you joyful? For example, I feel happy because it is summer and I know I understand this intellectually that the weather does not control my emotional or my inner well-being, but well, somehow it does. So I feel happy every day I wake up, there is the sun, it is peeking through the curtains, like I'm joyful. So how are you feeling today? How are you doing it? It is summer now. The kids are probably at home. They have like the whole day or, like you know, they are off routine, which is a good thing and can be a bad thing at the same time. So how are you really feeling and doing? Take a minute, scan your body and see what is happening and then let me know.
Speaker 1:I have an Instagram account that is not very active I don't post so much on there and it's called Help Mums Year Less, something like that. So if you can go there and DM me about how you're feeling and what you would like me to talk about on the podcast, if you have any feedback, send me a DM At HelpMums you're less coach, I think that is what it is called. I don't post so much on there. So anyway, let's start with today's episode. There is a moment maybe you know it, maybe you have been there, I have been there many times myself. You're standing in the middle of your kitchen, the noise is building, your kids are arguing, they are name-calling each other, they have piled maybe dirty dishes in the sink, even when you have told them time and time again to pick up after themselves. You feel your chest tighten, your jaw clench and something like a wave is rising in you first, and before you can stop it, you snap and you yell once again, and afterward there is that familiar wave of guilt, frustration and maybe shame. Why did I do that? I said I would not. I want to stay calm. So if this hits home, I want to take you somewhere unexpected today In a movie the Matrix, yes, the Matrix.
Speaker 1:Yes, that Matrix. And more specifically, I want to take you into one seemingly small moment involving a piece of candy In the Matrix. In this particular scene, neo meets the Oracle, a warm, wise, grandmotherly figure who bakes cookies while casually unraveling Neo's entire understanding of reality. At the end of their conversation, she offers him a red piece of candy. Neo doesn't grab it immediately. He pauses just for a bit. Then he reaches out and takes it and at that moment, his hesitation, then acceptance has a lot to say about you, me, and why we react the way we do, especially as mothers under pressure.
Speaker 1:Neo's pause before taking the candy tells us that he is not sleepwalking. Something in him is starting to wake up, but he still takes the candy. He doesn't fully know why he's taking the candy. He doesn't really want it. But there's a deeper pull here. There's a script running in the background that says Be polite, don't question the nice woman, take the candy. That right, there is what scientists call conditioning or unconscious programming.
Speaker 1:The candy and the snap, the pause, then the reach is the exact same moment you face when you snap at your child. It's not always obvious, but it's there. It's not always obvious, but it's there. You feel the tension rising, there is a flash of awareness. I'm about to yell. Then you do it anyway, just like Neo, you pause and still take the candy, not because you want to take the candy, not because it feels good, but because there is the pattern that your brain knows. Here's what's underneath your brain is built for efficiency. It loves to conserve energy, so over time it builds short circuits, what scientists call neural pathways. And if your brain has learned that yelling gets you attention, that reacting quickly is how you stay in control, that calm gets ignored, your brain is going to reach for that shortcut when things feel overwhelming. This is not about you being a bad mother. No, this is about your brain doing its job, but with an outdated map.
Speaker 1:Now here is where it gets deeper. You yelled. You feel broken because you yelled. You might think to yourself if I didn't really choose the yelling, do I even have free will? But here is the answer that I believe in you don't have freedom when you are inside the pattern. But the moment you start seeing the pattern, that pause before you grab the candy you have access to something new, and that pause is where coaching meets you. That pause is not about fixing you. It's about expanding, making the space between the urge and the action a little bit wider, until it's wide enough to choose. You understand your triggers in coaching, you trace them back to where they come from and you start to build ways to respond, ways that actually reflect the mom that you want to be.
Speaker 1:Because yelling is not the problem. Not seeing the pattern is the problem. Let me repeat Yelling is not the problem. The problem is not seeing the pattern, not being aware that there is a pattern that your brain is following. The next time you feel tension build, following the next time you feel tension build, you feel the noise rising, you feel the urge to yell. Take a pause, not to be perfect, but to become aware that pause is not weakness, that pause is not failure, that pause is your first step toward freedom Because, just like Neo in the Matrix, you are waking up.
Speaker 1:You are not broken. Your brain is just running on old patterns, and patterns can be rewired. You don't need more guilt, you don't need more clarity, more pauses or more praises, and you just need someone to walk beside you as you practice, if you're ready for that, if you're ready to stretch that pause into something powerful. This is the work that I do inside of my program called the Year Less Formula, because the moment you become aware of the candy in someone's hand, you have already started the shift. The moment you become aware of the patterns that your brain is following, you have already started the shift toward becoming the man that you know you want to become. But these old patterns are just in the way of becoming that man. So thank you so much for listening. Talk to you again next week. Bye for now.
