#193| 3 Mindset Shifts Every People Pleaser Needs To Finally Say No Without Guilt: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you catch yourself saying yes when every part of you wants to say no—just to avoid disappointing someone?

If you’re constantly drained, resentful, or overwhelmed because you’re always putting others first, this episode is your permission slip to stop. Michelle Gauthier breaks down why people pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s self-betrayal, and how three simple mindset shifts can help you say no without guilt.

In this episode, you will:

• Discover why “no” is not unkind—it’s actually honest.
• Learn how to handle other people’s disappointment without taking it on as your problem.
• Understand how every no creates space for a better, more intentional yes that aligns with your real priorities.

Press play now to learn the 3 mindset shifts that will help you stop people pleasing and finally start living life on your own terms.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Chapters

• 2:00 Mindset Shift One: No Is Not Unkind
• 3:47 Mindset Shift Two: Other Peoples' Feelings Aren't Your Emergency
• 5:53 Mindset Shift Three: Every No Makes Space For A Better Yes

Transcript

Michelle Gauthier: 0:00

When I first tried to stop people pleasing, I really didn't feel free. I felt super guilty.

Michelle Gauthier: 0:09

You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.

Michelle Gauthier: 0:36

Hi, friend. If you've ever said yes just to avoid disappointing someone, even when you were exhausted or didn't have the time or just didn't want to freaking do whatever they were asking you to do, this episode is for you. Learning how to say no and stop people pleasing can be tough, but these are three mindset shifts that I feel like are the most essential mindset shifts that you need in order to learn how to say no and start practicing saying no without feeling guilty. I'm going to talk about each one of these in detail, but the three essential mindsets you really need to stop people pleasing, which you'll learn about today, are that no isn't unkind, or another way to say it, yes isn't actually kind, and that someone else's disappointment isn't your emergency or even your problem. And how every no that you say creates space for a better yes, a yes of your choosing. We're going to talk about why people pleasing is so hard to let go of and how these mindset shifts can really help you stop feeling that guilt spiral every time you attempt to say no and really stop people pleasing so that you can create the kind of life that you want for yourself. If this is an area of interest to you, keep on listening to the end. I'm offering a new class called the People Pleasing Purge, and I'm going to give you all the details at the end.

Michelle Gauthier: 2:00

Okay, let's start with the mindset shift of saying no feels mean or bad, or I have to say yes if I want to be nice. If you would have asked me why I people pleased and why I said yes when I didn't really mean it, I would have said, Well, I'm just a nice person. I totally equated saying yes and doing what someone else wanted me to do instead of what I wanted to do as being equal to being nice. And I thought that if I said no, that I would be mean or selfish or not caring. And so what that meant is I said yes to everything essentially. I showed up, I helped, I pitched in, I stayed late, I hosted, I cooked, I planned, even when I really didn't want to, and even when I had nothing in the tank. And the thing is, this strategy can work for a while. I feel like I was pretty good with this strategy until I had a second child and I had gotten to a certain point in my career, and I was like, I just can't keep doing everything. So the shift that I had to make in my mind and the belief that I had to change is that saying no doesn't make me unkind. It just makes me honest. Because saying yes out of guilt is it's not telling the truth. It's a lie. People pleasing is a form of pretending, and pretending really drains you. Think about when you have to act like something that's not your true self, how exhausting that can be. And then think about when you do that time and time again, how often you're pretending, how often you're spending time doing things that you don't want to do. So learning to say no with kindness and clarity and honesty is actually much more respectful to yourself and to the other person as well.

Michelle Gauthier: 3:47

The second mindset shift that I had to really embrace is that someone else can feel disappointed - in me, even. I mean, that's still like a uncomfortable thought, but if someone else is disappointed in me, it's really not my problem. It's not my emergency, it's not my problem to fix. Let them, as Mel Robbins would say, I have to let them feel whatever feelings that they feel. I used to think if someone's disappointed in me, that I've done something wrong. And I still don't like the idea that someone's disappointed in me. It's just I don't take it on as I have done something wrong. I feel like I have done something right when I have told the truth, told it kindly without overexplaining. So instead of feeling the urge to immediately fix it and explain and apologize and end up saying yes after all, I just allow them to manage their own emotions. And when you trust someone else to feel and manage their feelings and you don't need to absorb them or fix them or take them on as yours, you can be a kind person and still honor what you want and honor your own bandwidth. The other thing I found out as I was experimenting with this too is a lot of times people are just fine with it. We feel like people are going to be so upset if we say no to something. But just recently, my friend group was getting together and one of the friends couldn't make it. And I was disappointed. I was disappointed that she couldn't be there. And also, so what? Like that's a normal emotion to feel. If you want to see someone and then they can't be there for whatever reason that is, whether I deem it a legit reason or not legit reason, I'm disappointed not to see someone I love. Like, that's fine. I can be disappointed. Nothing bad happened to me. I didn't decide to hate her. In fact, I love her. That's why I was sad that I didn't get to see her. I think the biggest takeaway from this one is someone else's disappointment or whatever feeling they're feeling isn't a red flag. It's just a feeling. They're just having a feeling, and that's okay.

Michelle Gauthier: 5:53

The last mindset shift that you need in order to really be able to say no without guilt and stop people pleasing is the belief that every no creates space for a better yes. So throughout the day, we're talking right now about things that you say yes to that you don't want to say yes to. But throughout a day or a week or a month, there are plenty of opportunities where you say yes to things that you want to do or need to do. For example, I wouldn't be super excited to like take one of my kids to the doctor, but obviously it's a high priority, and I'm going to say yes to that on my calendar. But every time you say no to something that you don't want to do, picture a white space on your calendar. And you could either leave that as white space or you could fill it in with something that you actually want to do. This is so random, but I saw a really cute, I was visiting my sister in Charleston, and they had all these cute um Halloween decorations on the front porches. And one of them was like witches' hats hanging from the ceiling of a covered porch with fishing line. So it just looked like there were all these random witch hats, and it was so cute. And I decided that I really wanted to do that. And so I ordered the stuff. And then, you know, I was busy. So it sat on my dining room table for like a week. And then on a Saturday, when I literally said no to everything and just needed a day all to myself because my kids were out of town, I created a white space day for myself. And after lying on the couch, until I didn't feel like lying on the couch anymore, I was like, I'm gonna do my Halloween decorations. I'm gonna put up those cute hats. And every time I pull in my driveway, it makes me so happy. They're so cute. And I also added hanging from the ceiling some bright fluorescent pink pumpkins. Can you believe they even make those? I was so excited. Anyway, that is a random example, but it is an example of a yes that I wanted to do. And had I, because I could have easily filled my Saturday, had I filled my Saturday and been running around, I wouldn't have gotten to do this just little thing I wanted to do, this little creative project that I wanted to do just for fun. So if you think about it for you, what could you say yes to if you weren't so busy people pleasing? Would it be like, I don't know, maybe you like to cook a nice dinner sometimes, but you never have time to do it? Maybe you like to lie on your couch and binge a show instead of being busy all the time, or maybe there's some new hobby or you want to read a book or whatever. Like, what kind of time could you create for yourself if you weren't people pleasing?

Michelle Gauthier: 8:35

Okay, so remember, no doesn't make you unkind, it makes you honest. Someone else's disappointment is not your emergency, and every no creates space for a better yes. Those are the three essential mindset shifts that you need to learn how to say no and stop people pleasing.

Michelle Gauthier: 8:53

And if you know people pleasing is taking up way too much of your time and energy and mental space, if it's making you feel just overwhelmed and resentful and exhausted, I've got the thing for you. I've created this new class called the People Pleasing Purge. It's a live class. So eventually this is going to be a self-paced video course. But for this first round, I'm teaching it live and in person. It's six sessions over a three-week period, and it starts next Monday, November 3rd. So in the class, we'll talk about why people pleasing is a habit, not your personality. It's not I am a people pleaser. It's I have a habit of people pleasing, how to say no without spiraling into guilt and overexplaining, talking about exactly how to do that, the mindset shifts that are required for that, how to set boundaries that stick, and how to stop managing everyone else's emotions and just reclaim your own time. By the time this three weeks is over, which by the way is before Thanksgiving. Can you imagine going to Thanksgiving and being able to just not be a people pleaser? You'll leave this class with tools that you can use forever. And maybe for the first time you'll stop feeling bad about putting yourself first. If it sounds like something you need, grab your spot. We are only selling this class this week and it starts next week. And this is the only time that I will be doing it live. The good thing about doing it live is you can ask me all your questions. I can coach you. You can really make a huge change in your life if you attend this class. So come hang out with me live and let's break this people-pleasing pattern for good. The link is in the show notes for you to join. I hope to see you there. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com. See you next week.