Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

#197| How to Reclaim Your Financial Freedom and Live Big: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

• Michelle Gauthier | Inspired by Mel Robbins, Jen Sincero, Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, Emily Ley, Shauna Niequist • Episode 197

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What would happen if you suddenly had to manage all your finances alone tomorrow — would you be ready?

In this powerful conversation, financial expert and author Steph Wagner opens up about losing her financial autonomy after leaving her high-powered finance career to raise her family — and how she had to rebuild her confidence, her career, and her wealth from scratch after an unexpected divorce. This episode tackles why so many capable women still feel intimidated by money and how to stop abdicating financial responsibility in your own life — even if you’re in a loving, stable relationship.

Listeners will learn:

  • How to identify the hidden beliefs and money stories that quietly control your financial choices.
  • The first practical steps to move from financial dependence to financial freedom.
  • Why building autonomy around money strengthens—not threatens—your relationships.

Press play now to learn how to reclaim your financial power and start building the life — and security — you truly deserve.


Featured on the podcast
Fly!: A Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love on Amazon
Steph Wagner's website
Connect with Steph on LinkedIn
Connect with Steph on Instagram


Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Michelle Gauthier:

If something unexpected happened tomorrow, would you feel confident managing your money on your own?

Michelle Gauthier:

You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.

Michelle Gauthier:

Hi, friends. Thanks for joining. I've got a great episode for you today. Today I'm joined by Steph Wagner, and she is the author of the powerful brand new book, literally coming out today, called Fly: A Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love. Her story is really real and pretty common, sadly. She had a background in finance. She had a high-powered career, and she decided to stay home for a couple years to raise her family, and her marriage ended unexpectedly, and she realized that she had slowly given away her financial autonomy and had to totally rebuild from the ground up. And in this episode, she shares with us why so many smart, capable women still feel intimidated by money and the hidden costs of just letting your partner handle it. Even if you stay married forever. And how to go from being financially dependent to financially free one step at a time. So even if you're not going through a major life change and you're in a happy relationship, this is a great conversation that I think every woman needs to hear. Okay, so let's get started.

Michelle Gauthier:

Steph, thank you so much for being here today. I want to jump in right away and say that I loved your book, and I think the audience is really gonna love to hear about it too. I loved that the book was part memoir, like a real vulnerable, honest one, not the one where you're like, oh, this is just surface level stuff. And then a complete guide for financial freedom. I love a story in a book, and I love a workbook, and this book is sort of the perfect combination of both of those. I took it on vacation with me and I read the whole thing on the two flights I had for my trip. So thank you for writing it. I think the audience is gonna love hearing your story, and I'm so excited to have you on.

Steph Wagner:

Well, thank you, Michelle. It's such an honor to be here. And your words mean a lot to me because, you know, I learned pretty early in my journey of rebuilding my career, to be honest. It took a while. But as I began to really work to rebuild my career, I learned I've got to be raw and vulnerable and honest if I'm gonna ask other people to do the same that I'm working with, right? If I and that's hard. That was it's easy now because I really have seen the benefits and the beauty that can be created when we are authentic and true to who we really are in every aspect of our lives. But I grew up in a German family. Like we didn't talk about anything and we we just sugarcoated and we walked around with a smile on our face and we had to look perfect. And, you know, so using that muscle was difficult. But, you know, there was a real pivotal moment when I began to write and I began to throw my work out into the outside world where I saw these comments pour in of gratitude for being real. And so when I wrote this book, I was like, I've gotta do it. I've got to show the world that we're not perfect, we're all just doing the best we can. And, you know, I'm sure I'll get judged in some regards, right? Like some people may, but that's okay. Cause yeah, you know, at the end of the day, we know who we are and we've got to be true to who ourselves. And and so thank you for your kind words because that was really my intent. And and then also, you know, if if I can do this, you can too, right?

Michelle Gauthier:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you nailed it. You did think if that was your intent, you did an amazing job. And there were so many things. Like I said, I was on a plane, so I kept like folding the edge of the corners of the pages that I wanted to talk about. There were so many things that I wanted to ask you about or wanted you to share with the audience. But before we jump into that, could you just tell them for people who haven't read your book yet what it's about and why you created it?

Steph Wagner:

Yeah. So, you know, my journey, like we all have a story, right? We all have our journeys of of, and I'm so fortunate that my life's journey really ultimately led to my mission, which is to help empower women around their financial lives. And that journey started way back when I started my career. I loved finance. I loved math. I didn't know that people didn't. I didn't know that women didn't. And I got into this amazing career of, you know, investment banking and private equity. And I think and a frankly, a career that's incredibly hard to have a family. And I discovered that a couple of years in as I began to have my family.

Steph Wagner:

And, you know, I'll tell you this pivotal moment. It's in the book, but it just I think it serves up this moment where life began to change. I was asked to get on a Cessna to go look at a deal in rural Alabama. And at the time I was vice president of a private equity fund, didn't even appreciate what an amazing career I was, you know, creating. And I was pregnant. I had a two-year-old at home. My husband traveled 150 nights, and I'm like, something has to give. And I quit. And that was the beginning. Losing my earning power was just a tidbit, right? But it was the beginning of losing all of my financial autonomy. I eventually gave everything over to my husband. We divided and conquered. He was in finance as well. I was busy raising kids, he was busy working, traveling, and all that kind of worked until it did it.

Steph Wagner:

And the next real pivotal moment is when I had learned that he'd been living a double life and having an affair and wanted was in love with someone else and wanted to end our marriage. And it was my wake-up call that, oh my gosh, like nobody wakes up and says, I think I'll lose my financial independence today. Oh my gosh, I have let this happen over the last 14 years. And now what am I going to do? How am I going to support myself? How am I going to support my kids? And how in the world am I going to deal with the most devastating loss of identity? I was a wife, I was a mother, I'd given everything up for my family. And I just quickly realized if I'm feeling this low, if I'm feeling this overwhelmed, what is the average woman feeling who doesn't have a background in finance? Right. Like I had tools to rebuild emotionally. I was a disaster. So I leaned into those tools and started to rebuild, but I was a mess. And it became the beginning of my, like I said, my mission of I've got to use this story to help women feel like they're not alone. That we're all doing the best we can. Right. But I've got to also help. And that's when I was like, if I can use my financial expertise and what ultimately became my curriculum and the work that I ultimately did, I might be onto something. And that was the beginning of Fly. And there's a reason why it's called Fly, is because it's a women's empowerment book disguised as a finance book. And I want every woman out there to live life big and to not play life small. And your financial well-being is such a key component of your ability to do that.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes, absolutely. And, you know, and I mentioned that the book was so relatable as a memoir because it was so vulnerable. That's what I'm talking about. Because the women who I work with and women who are listening to this podcast who are feeling overwhelmed, if they don't know what's going on with their financial life and maybe they have outsourced it to their partner and they're just like, I can't think about that. Hopefully everything's just going fine. A lot of times they might feel like, well, I just don't get that, or that's not my cup of tea. And I love that you are a woman who was like a vice president in a private equity firm and it happened to you too. It's like such a wake-up call because you knew about finance. You know how important it was, and you still were in that same situation. So I'm sure that wasn't a lot of fun to share. Or maybe it was better once you got on the other side of it. But I just appreciate that because I notice all the time that women, any problem that they tell me about, they feel like they're the only one. Like everybody else can do this, but I can't do this. And I don't know why we do that way. We sort of self-isolate, but it's not true. It's not true.

Steph Wagner:

And I think one of the reasons we self-isolate in when it comes to money is we've been taught to never talk about it, right? Yeah. And and and also in many ways, we've been taught not to talk about the things where we feel shame, right? That we have to feel strong. We have to feel, you know, we have to, especially in a world right now where this women are such badasses, right? So if there are, if we have these feelings of inadequacy to show that and be vulnerable, while it's the right thing to do, I believe, right? I think, I think beauty comes out of showing our vulnerability. It's still hard and icky. It's still really tough. And I will tell you, and I appreciate your words around the journey of my discovery of despite my financial aptitude, how did I get in this mess? You know, I think at the end of the day, we tend to repeat the behaviors that we see growing up, right? And sometimes we go the opposite way. But our childhood has a big impact. And I saw money as such a source of conflict in my childhood, as such a source of control, as such a bad thing. Despite my mom had an amazing career that in my own marriage, I just didn't want to fight about it. I didn't want to argue. So I didn't realize I was doing it until I had to realize it, until I was on my own. And I sat with myself and said, okay, Steph, why? Like, why did you abdicate? Like, actually, you're kind of better at this stuff than he was. And what's the mindset that you've had that's been holding you back? And what do you need to do to change? And and I think self-awareness and personal growth is the key to anything, money or not. But it's it's tough work. But when you do the work, it's liberating.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes. And I think especially with money stories, when we start to discover, well, this is how I was raised, and so this is what I believed about money, you can see that and be like, oh, and I don't even believe that anymore. Right. It's just an unconscious belief that was playing in my head. And now I can write it down on a piece of paper and start working on changing it, reprogramming myself. So even though your book is about, I guess your journey was spurred by a divorce and a situation where you had to figure it out all out on your own. I want anybody who's listening who's thinking, well, I'm happily married and I don't know anything about money, but it's just fine for me. I totally hope that's true. Even if you stay married for the entire rest of your life, I like that your book says this is for all women. All women need to practice financial freedom because you never know what's going to happen, first of all. And second of all, it's such an important part of our lives. So can you tell us a little bit about how you would define financial freedom? I love how you talk about it's not necessarily a dollar amount. So what is it?

Steph Wagner:

It's financial autonomy. And and we all need it to your point. And I'll break down that definition here in a second. But I love that you just highlighted that because it is so important for me to get out there that divorce was my catalyst, right? I lived pretty comfy until a pivotal moment where the snow globe was really shooking up, right? And it was like, but the truth is it could happen. It could be a job loss, it could be a medical crisis, it could be a business failure. Frankly, it builds better partnerships in marriage, right? That to have conversations and to be on the same page and to communicate about shared goals and and how we're going to work together to achieve those goals and prioritizing. And that can only happen when we build confidence around money, right? So when people say, you know, I hear out there all the time, financial independence means you never have to work again. I'm like, no, it doesn't. Frankly, to a woman that doesn't have control over this or may not even have a lot of earning power, that is overwhelming. That's like, well, I'll never achieve it. I'm going to be working until the day I die. No, it's a mindset. It's about understanding that financial independence is a mindset that builds freedom. It is making a commitment to yourself that no matter what, I am that am going to do anything it takes, right? Not a man, not a boss, not a mother, not a father, not a sister, but me, I'm going to take control over my financial life and I'm going to do the work to build the tools and the skills, and frankly, the team around me, whether it's a community, whether it's advisors, to make more informed decisions, to take ownership of this. Because too many of us are abdicating, right? And I think what might surprise you is that married younger women who are married, they may strive to be financially independent early on in their careers or as they get out of college. And they are. They're more in the game than ever before. But studies still show that when they marry, there's still that dividing and conquering. There's still that abdication. And that's putting us and frankly, our partners and our families at risk. You also mentioned something that I want to expand upon if it's okay. We are living longer than ever. And it's awesome, right? The average woman today that has means to a healthy lifestyle, good medical care, should expect to live in her 90s. Well, we outlive men by, you know, five to 10 to 15 years. So even if you're in the happiest marriage, and I'm all for them, right? It's great. But the truth is, is eight out of 10 of us because of widowhood, because of the rise of grade divorce, you know, the fact that a lot of women are choosing to remain single even after those events. Eight out of 10 of us can expect to be to spend many of our golden years alone. And a lot of us aren't financially prepared. So it's so important that we establish great habits early in life, whether you are in your 20s or 30s, or even before something might happen. And again, let's hope it never does. And then foster a healthier partnership within your families.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes. But imagine trying to learn all this when you're 80, right?

Steph Wagner:

Like that would be so much harder. Or when the rub is pulled out and you're emotionally like me a mess, right? It's so much harder to see things clearly and take action.

Michelle Gauthier:

You mentioned that women are going to live longer than men. One of the stats I saw in your book that seemed unbelievable to me that the average age of a widow is 59.

Steph Wagner:

Yes. Very few people. I'm always, I speak a lot about this across the country in mixed crowds. And I always pause to say, okay, I'm sorry, men in the room, but here's the reality, you know, is that the average age of widowhood in this country is 59. And we also are seeing a tremendous rise in the number of people, men and women that are choosing to divorce later in life. And a lot of that is because of longevity. They're like, wait, I could live to be 90 and I'm really not that happy. And I want to thrive. And so when you combine those, that's how you get to the eight out of 10. But when you break down the widowhood stat, I think, first of all, you know, that includes a lot of marriages where there is an age gap. And frankly, we would think that with medicine, you know, advancing, you know, truth be told, that number's not changing. It's been 59 for years. So shocking. I know, and you may know, I mean, I know women that have been in their 40s and their husband has dropped out. Absolutely. Just horrible. And of course, the reverse, too. You know, I mean, things happen obviously where men become widow, but it's still, it's a very important step that I don't think we're talking enough about.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes. Yeah. I definitely highlighted that and highlighted that people over 50 are getting divorced at twice the rate they used to, but over 65 is like three times the rate that they used to. So this was not to be scary. And again, hopefully everything works out, but like there's an 80% chance that even if you're with someone now, that you will have to manage your money alone at some point. So now is the time. And they'll have to read the book, of course, to get all of the details for exactly how to do that. But if you were to just imagine you're talking to someone right now who's thinking, I'm really overwhelmed with this. My spouse does everything, but I actually do see the value in doing it. And I would like to get started. What is the first thing that you would tell them to do? One small step.

Steph Wagner:

Yeah, absolutely. The book really lays out the seven steps to freedom, and you highlighted that. But the mostly do build on each other. I hope you saw that. They're really building blocks step by step. But the first thing is, and I touched on it here in the beginning of our conversation, you've got to unpack your current relationship with money. You've got to understand, you highlighted it beautifully. You aren't stuck, but you can't make change until you survey the landscape and you really look at why have I had these behaviors with it? Why have I avoided conversations or why am I living beyond my means? Like, why do I feel that way? What am I doing? You have to really take a hard look at where you are today and the habits and beliefs that you have and be honest with yourself, right? I mean, I always say talking with other people is so important when it comes to money, but you first need to know how to talk to yourself and be honest and open. I then am a real believer of you've got to have an honest conversation with how you were raised. What were the money messages that you received that may not work, that may have been nothing but lies? I grew up in this family that was a lot of penny pinchers. My grandparents were part of the depression generation, right? And factory workers from Rockford, Illinois. Money was not to be talked about, but also it was to be saved, not spent. And my dad did the opposite. He lived so beyond our means. And in always I struggled with that, you know, because I knew what he was doing wasn't what we were taught, right? But I was confused. I was left who interpret things that I develop messages on my own, if that makes sense. I was taught debt was bad. You pay cash for everything. Well, I'm here to tell you debt is not bad. You just have to use it right. And unpacking the why behind your current money story, all the narrative that you told yourself. And then most importantly, and I can kind of break this down here in the book of how to do this, but start to get excited about going forward, to make that next step, you got to think about where do you want to go? You know, how do you want to shift your thinking around money? But also, equally important, what do you want for the next chapter? What's a vision you have for your future? And I think some people might go, what does that have to do with money? Everything because it helps you create goals. It helps you think big and be inspired and empowered and inspire other people. But then you figure out how you can afford to do it, right? Yeah. How you're going to actually create that life. So that is the first step. And it's pretty amazing what happens when you start to realize, man, I was living in a scarcity mindset. That's not healthy. I've got to get into more of a growth mindset. And my book hopefully helps you kind of change your thinking.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes, absolutely. And it also guides you through all those terms that you're like, what is a Roth IR? Right. What does my 401k mean? So it has all the practical nuts and bolts in it as well. But I love that that's the first step because I think that's actually the first step for any problem. That's what we talk about repeatedly on here. Check your mindset. What are you thinking about it? How do you want to think about it instead? What kind of life do you want to create? How do you want to feel in your life? And it's the same thing just for money. And I love that. So this is my last question for you before I ask you the standard two questions. Obviously, when you're going through this divorce and you're completely surprised by it, and you made a real effort to try to hang on to that marriage, and it was in the end, it just didn't work. So obviously, you're not having a really fun time at life then. Looking back now, now that you've got this book out there and you have your whole career, what's been your favorite part of that transformation, of the good part of like the afterstory? What would you say is your absolute favorite part?

Steph Wagner:

Well, you may be surprised by this answer, but I have such, I'm gonna get it's okay. Go ahead. I have such profound gratitude for the muck. I learned so much about myself through the really hard times, and I never thought I'd have gratitude around it. It was so hard. It was so scary. I did this alone. Ultimately, I raised my three little boys all by myself. And I'm proud to say, and I think this is actually another thing I am so proud of is I now have a 28, a 26, and 22-year-old that are thriving. And it's the result of so much pain and so much hard work and so much focus on what I needed to do for me and most importantly to provide security for my three boys. But the gratitude I have for the tough times, I think sometimes when we're in it, it's so hard to see that there is this beauty around the other side. When you're in the muck, you get stuck. And I now have a really great appreciation because we're going to continue to get in mucks. Life is nothing but transitions. And when we're in these new seasons, we don't even know that we're going through it and we're getting to something even better. But that skill that I learned, does that make sense? Absolutely. So well through all of life's many chapters, because change can be scary, very, very scary. But I learned through that that the discomfort you're feeling means you're growing inside. Yes. And really amazing things are on the other side of it when you lean in, when you get comfortable in the uncomfortable. And that was the result of this really tough stuff. But I couldn't be happier. Oftentimes people say, Do you have any regrets? I don't believe in them. I think it's life is nothing but things that provide us lessons to grow from.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yeah. So absolutely. And sometimes you know that the upside is coming. You're gonna understand one day why this is happening and why this is for good. And it's really tough when you're in the muck. It is. But I think being able to be out of it, that's wonderful. I I love Pink, the singer Pink, and she has lyrics to a song that say, I've been to the bottom, so there's nothing to fear. And I'm not saying nothing worse could ever happen to me, but when you have really been to the bottom of your divorce and starting your whole life over, and in my case, quitting my job and starting a new one and all that stuff, it just feels like, oh my gosh, but now I have the most self-belief. Like I could you could just drop me in some foreign country and I'll figure something out of it.

Steph Wagner:

It's such a gift of the confidence that we we built inside of us, it transcends and and it applies to all aspects of our life. So I love that you just said that. It's the gift that we wouldn't have that new muscle if we didn't go through those hard times.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yeah, if I didn't have the opportunity to go to the bottom. Yeah. Exactly. So thank you.

Steph Wagner:

I thank my ex-husband every day. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Which sounds so weird, but I really do. I really do. Oh my gosh.

Michelle Gauthier:

Okay, now I want to ask you the questions I ask everybody. So, what is something that you do when you feel overwhelmed to make yourself feel better or less overwhelmed?

Steph Wagner:

I get on a bike. Cycling is my absolute passion, joy, but it's funny. It it works my muscles, but it works my mind. It gives me quiet time. I'm going too fast to look, get distracted. My eyes are straight ahead. And half this book, honestly, was written on a bike. I would get off and dictate. Oh, that's so great. I I think broadly speaking, when you're overwhelmed, my advice is understand that walking, cycling, using your right and your left really brings balance back and puts you in a much more balanced mindset. It's really, again, using the right and the left of your body, whether you're on a bike or you're walking. It's so yes. Yeah.

Michelle Gauthier:

And it's so exciting because I think when we're overwhelmed, we have a tendency to try to like sit at our desk and produce something. But if you really want to, you need to walk away. Yeah. Right away in your case. Okay. I love that. We've never had biking as an answer before. I love that. And then secondly, what is something that you do to save time or just do less?

Steph Wagner:

Well, I must admit, I need to do more of that. Yes. That that needs to be a 2026 top of the list goal. But I think the one thing is I lean into mobile Starbucks. Mobile Starbucks. I love that. Number one, it does make it so much easier when you're in an airport to like on the plane as you're landing, like put your order in and just swing by and pick it up between. Yep. But it also doesn't cost you any more money. Yes. Yes. So it's good for both of your brains.

Michelle Gauthier:

Exactly.

Steph Wagner:

Financial brain and not the regular brain.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yes, that's exactly when I've done that at the airport before, especially like DFW or somewhere where it's huge and it's packed and everything. And I think, doesn't everybody know about this? I'm just walking up and just grabbing my coffee. I want to shout it from the rooftop. Do you realize the time you could save in that long? Exactly. Exactly. Oh my gosh. My brain is just wired for efficiency and I cannot help it. I'm always looking for more efficient ways to do something. So when other people don't do it, I want to be like, excuse me, everyone. I wanted you to know if you get this app. And if forward, Michelle, I love it. Yes, exactly. Well, thank you so much for being on. And I loved your book and I loved getting to know you. So if people have been listening and they want the book fly, where can they find it?

Steph Wagner:

Well, you can find it on all the major book distributions. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart. It's it's it's everywhere. I'm so blessed. And also the audiobook. I I had the honor, which was amazing. I had to actually audition, Michelle. It was crazy. But then I had the honor of recording my own story and it it really meant a lot to me and was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. So my mesh. Yeah.

Michelle Gauthier:

It was you had to audition. Like they were going to get somebody else to be you if you were they're enough you.

Steph Wagner:

Okay.

Michelle Gauthier:

Yeah, exactly.

Steph Wagner:

I was like, wait, what? And they're like, we need a five-minute reading. I'm like, okay. So I was thrilled.

Michelle Gauthier:

If that wasn't somebody's natural knack to be good at speaking, that it could really take away from the book. Oh, that is so fun. What a neat experience.

Steph Wagner:

Yeah, it was. It was an honor. And then also you can find me on my website, you know, stephellwagner.com.

Michelle Gauthier:

Okay. So stephlwagner.com. Okay. Great. We'll put all that in the show notes.

Steph Wagner:

Perfect. And Instagram and LinkedIn.

Michelle Gauthier:

In all the places. Steph L. Wagner. Okay.

Steph Wagner:

Perfect.

Michelle Gauthier:

All right. Thank you so much.

Steph Wagner:

Well, thank you, Michelle, and thanks for the great work you are doing. I love it. I love your story and how you're turning it into helping others as well.

Michelle Gauthier:

Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com. See you next week.

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Michelle Gauthier

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