#218| An Email Isn't An Emergency—How a Short Pause Helps Avoid People Pleasing: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you feel a rush of anxiety the moment a text or email comes in — like you have to reply immediately?

If you’re trying to stop people pleasing, your phone might be one of your biggest practice tools. Texts and emails give you something people pleasers rarely take advantage of: time. In this episode, you’ll learn how slowing down your responses can help you stop saying yes out of guilt and start responding with intention.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to break the habit of replying immediately without feeling rude
• A simple way to decide what you actually want to say before responding
• How saying less can help you set boundaries without overexplaining

Press play to learn a simple, practical way to stop people pleasing — starting with the very next text message you receive.

Featured on the podcast
Ep #61: 11 Ways to Say No Effortlessly & Guilt Free

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Transcript

Michelle Gauthier 0:04

You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.

Why Text And Email Are Training Wheels

Michelle Gauthier 0:31 Michelle Gauthier 0:31

Hi, friend. Thanks for joining us today. You know, I was thinking about this the other day with one of my clients who's working on becoming a not people pleaser. I don't know how you say that. She's learning to stop people pleasing. And one of the things that we talked about was her doing that via text message. Email and honestly, text too are two of the best places to practice, not people pleasing. Because you have time on your side. You don't have to answer in the moment and you can pause and take a breath and think about what you actually want to say. So what I'm going to talk to you about today is why you do not have to reply immediately and that you shouldn't, how to figure out what you really want to say. And then the third thing is whatever you thought you wanted to say, say less.

Michelle Gauthier 1:16

Let's imagine that you get a text message and you hear the little ding or whatever notification you get and you look and you're immediately like, I have to reply right now. I know some people feel the same too about their email inboxes. When they check their email, they feel like they need to reply immediately to all of the emails, especially if it's from a boss or someone who you perceive to be waiting for your response. Point

Step One: Don’t Reply Immediately

Michelle Gauthier 1:38

one is to remember text messages and emails are very rarely an actual emergency and that you can take some time to formulate your response. Okay.

Step Two: Decide What You Want

Michelle Gauthier 1:48

So once you have not replied and you give yourself just a second, take a deep breath and figure out what you actually want to say. Think about if you want to say yes or no. And if you aren't sure about if you want to say yes or no or how to say no, listen to episode 61. We'll link it in the show notes, but it covers the love and fit test, which is how to figure out if you want to say yes or no. And it has 11 scripts of the words to actually say when you want to say no. So pause, figure out what you actually want to say. Let's just say one of your coworkers has asked you to cover for something that you do not want to or do not have time to cover.

Michelle Gauthier 2:31

Okay, so now you haven't responded. You've taken the time to figure out that you actually want to say no, and then start formulating

Step Three: Say Less

Michelle Gauthier 2:38

what you want to say. Let's imagine that you type back, gosh, I really wish I could, but I just can't cover you. I'm super busy. I'm working on this other project. The other project I have to go to this meeting and that meeting, etc. So what I'm getting out of that is you want to say no and you want to give a lot of reasons why you want to say no. The third point is to say less. So whatever you think you need to say, say less. Read your message and think, what can I take out of this? You could say, I'm not available, but I hope it goes great. Thanks for thinking of me. I can't this time. Even just no, thank you. And it feels weird at first, and you'll definitely want to overexplain, but this is how you practice to stop people pleasing. Okay, so see if you can do these three steps today. Get a text message, don't reply immediately. Pause and think about what you really want to say. Maybe even type up what you want to say and then say less and hit send.

Michelle Gauthier 3:32

If you can consistently do that, you will really get in the practice that it takes to stop people pleasing and say no when you actually want to say no. Once you've got it down there, you can move on and give it a whirl and try it out in person when someone asks you something face-to-face. And in that case, you always have the opportunity to say, oh, thanks for asking. I'll get back to you. Okay, friends, that is my quick tip for today. Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions, and I will see you next week.

Michelle Gauthier 4:04

Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.